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0:00 - Intro
1:43 - 10
2:46 - 9
3:31 - 8
4:31 - 7
5:30 - 6
6:39 - 5
7:22 - 4
8:18 - 3
9:08 - 2
10:16 - 1
SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/partsfunknown/
Buy wrestling merchandise here: https://www.wrestleshop.com/
Read more Feature content here on WrestleTalk.com: https://wrestletalk.com/features/
Youtube Channel Comments Policy
We appreciate the comments and opinions our viewers provide. Do note that all comments are subject to YouTube auto-moderation and manual moderation review. We encourage opinions and discussion, but harassment, hate speech, bullying and other abusive posts will not be tolerated. Decisions on comment removal are made by the Community Manager. Please email us at support@wrestletalk.com with any questions or concerns.
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SportsTranscript
00:00 There are enough injuries in the world of professional wrestling, why do we need to
00:03 add make-believe ones to the world? Haven't wrestlers suffered enough? Oh the horror.
00:08 We have seen our fair share of bumps and bruises, sprains and strains,
00:11 broken bones and torn ligaments. And hey, Rey Mysterio wasn't the only one to get hurt either.
00:15 But every once in a while, WWE would open up their handy-dandy kayfabe injury generator
00:20 and pick something a little more outside the box. Sometimes the results were good,
00:24 and sometimes you get the other 8 entries on this list. Foreshadowing, baby.
00:28 I'm Tempest Hailing from PartsFunKnown, and these are the 10 strangest kayfabe injuries in WWE history.
00:33 [Sigh] Hey Luke, have you got any ideas for the Surfshark ad?
00:39 Surfshark ad? Yeah, I'm writing the ad for Surfshark this month, but
00:42 I mean, I don't know what to say. I feel like everyone knows about Surfshark at this point,
00:46 right? What's a Surfshark?
00:47 It's a VPN. What's a VPN?
00:51 A virtual private network. Oh, so I'll be able to protect my data,
00:56 and watch content from overseas, and protect me from cybercrime?
01:00 Yes, Luke, and our audience will be able to secure their privacy online by using code
01:03 JAMTHATJAM to get 3 months extra for free using the link below.
01:06 I'm all out of ideas, I'll be honest with you. Maybe you could come in as a cowboy and
01:14 horse ride your way through the VPN world.
01:16 Well, howdy-do, y'all heard about Surfshark VPN-
01:22 [Sigh]
01:25 Luke, I think I'm just going to write up the conversation we had for the ad.
01:28 That'd be ridiculous, P. How would you end the video?
01:30 Well, I don't know.
01:33 Number 10. Fireball Burns - Randy Orton
01:46 As far as kayfabe injuries go, burns are not typically as strange as some of the entries
01:49 to come. Hell, everyone from Kane to Jim Ross to Holly Musgrave has been set on fire. It happens.
01:54 But the circumstances of what happened to Randy Orton landed a special place on this list.
01:59 After Orton had committed first-degree murder via fourth-degree burns, the Fiend and Mrs. Fiend,
02:03 Alexa Bliss, proceeded to haunt the Viper until WrestleMania. Orton had black goo erupt from his
02:08 mouth, he haunted himself at one point, and, crucially, he had a fireball thrown in his face
02:13 by the Lady Fiend herself. Fireballs have been a staple of wrestling dating back decades,
02:17 but the modern examples of this angle have shown us why this one might have been better
02:21 left in the territory days. Thankfully, Orton and company had the benefit of editing, and not really
02:26 that special effects, as this took place in the Thunderdome era, and so the actual fireball didn't
02:30 look that bad. But then the next time we saw Randy, he looked like he was preparing to rob a
02:34 bank and make his getaway down the slopes. Pandemic Wrestling was a bad cartoon that was
02:38 best forgotten as soon as possible, and the burn mask was one of many reasons we as a collective
02:43 have chosen to forget this cursed era ever happened. Number 9. Stab Wound - John Cena
02:49 John Cena, stabbed by Jesus, is one of my favorite sentences ever in the history of wrestling,
02:54 and you would better believe it gets said enough in the office for me to back that statement up.
02:57 Carlito's arrival on Smackdown in 2004 saw him win the United States Championship in his first
03:02 ever match against John Cena, and as the year went on, and Carlito added more W's to his resume,
03:07 his storylines got more and more bizarre as well, as his bodyguard, Jesus, was found to have stabbed
03:13 John Cena in a nightclub. This was a different era of WWE, where sometimes s*** would just happen.
03:19 You wanna see Kurt Angle shoot Big Show with a Trank Dart? Or see JBL chase Mexicans across
03:23 the border? Or see the future face of the company get stabbed in a nightclub? Well,
03:27 if this is what you were looking for in your wrestling, then my word was Smackdown for you.
03:31 Number 8. Snakebite - Triple H If you thought Triple H was bad in The
03:35 Chaperone, then congratulations for being one of the four people that saw The Chaperone,
03:39 but more importantly, you probably didn't see Triple H's acting in this segment.
03:42 Whimpering "How could you let this happen?" to Vince McMahon as he cried about the WWF
03:47 superstars putting their lives on the line for this company, while someone like Steve
03:51 Austin is bringing a rattlesnake to work. Hell, I'm surprised he even made the cut
03:54 for Blade Trinity in that movie's... Not very good. Anyway, back to the wrestling.
04:06 Triple H was bitten in the face by the Texas Rattlesnake's Texas Rattlesnake,
04:10 resulting in the game looking like he could place first in an ugly contest with the New
04:14 Hope version of Jabba the Hutt. Or was he? Yeah, this entry skirts the truth a little bit,
04:18 because by the end of this episode of Smackdown, Triple H revealed that he had kayfabed this
04:22 kayfabe injury, removing the makeup from his face and attacking Steve Austin. The snake was real,
04:27 but the bite was not. But if this is what you came here to see, may I offer you...
04:31 Number 7. Envenomation - Randy Savage I mean, that's a f***ing snakebite. That
04:36 snake is having a big ol' chomp right there. One of the great discrepancies of logic from the WWF
04:41 cartoon 80s wrestling era was that Jake Roberts carried around a giant snake for all those years,
04:46 and that snake never bit anyone. That would be like someone carrying around a sword for years
04:50 and never stabbing anyone with it. Well, after years of carrying around that lazy no-biting python,
04:55 Jake the Snake leveled up his reptile game by introducing Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss
05:00 Elizabeth to his new King Cobra named Lucifer. After ruining the match made in heaven,
05:05 Roberts sicked ol' Lucy on Macho Man again, this time going all the way and letting the snake have
05:09 a good long gnaw on Savage's arm, to the point that Jake has admitted that he couldn't get the
05:14 cobra off of him. Now, the bite might have been a little too real, we can see that with our own
05:18 eyes, but the storyline of Macho Man's envenomation, which is a word I learned especially for this list,
05:23 was a work of fiction. The snake was de-venomized, but still managed to create one of the most
05:27 visceral images in WWE history. Good job, Snake. Number 6. Jey Uso and Otis
05:33 Right, so sometimes I get assistance from lovely Jamie of WrestleTalk.com if I've not got the time
05:38 or brainpower to research these lists. But when I was sent an entry that just said "weirdly detailed
05:43 injury reports on Jey Uso and Otis", I thought he had simply misunderstood the assignment. But
05:48 then I started reading, and not only does this report from WWE.com belong on this list, I'm just
05:53 gonna read it word for word. "Following Friday Night Smackdown, WWE Digital has learned the
05:58 status of two blue brand superstars. Otis was evaluated by WWE Medical following Jey Uso's
06:03 attack. The evaluation revealed multiple areas of contusions and tenderness of the muscles
06:08 throughout the thoracic spine region. Examination of the bony regions of the thoracic spine and ribs
06:13 did not reveal any abnormalities. Jey Uso was sent to the trainer's room following his match with
06:18 Kevin Owens, and the ringside physician's evaluation revealed bilateral upper extremity
06:23 weakness as a result of stretching of the lower cervical nerve roots from the chair strikes. The
06:28 belief is that this weakness is temporary and should resolve over the next few days." What
06:33 the f*ck does any of that mean? Did ChatGPT write it? Did they pick words out of a hat?
06:39 Number 5. Possession. Reckoning. Do matters of black magic count as injuries? Well,
06:44 for the purposes of this list, if it incapacitates you, it's an injury. So Alexa Bliss hypnotizing
06:49 Nia Jax? Not an injury. But Mee Chin, aka Mia Yim, aka Reckoning, rolling around and pretending to
06:55 swallow her tongue in the middle of a Thunderdome Raw match? That's an injury. She's f*cking
06:59 incapacitated. And before anyone gets on my ass, Mee Chin confirmed her possession herself,
07:04 and who am I to argue with her? Retribution is remembered best for the destruction of that one
07:08 window and the name Slapjack, but Reckoning's possession was maybe the stupidest thing the
07:13 faction was ever connected to. Why did she come under the possession of a demon or practicer of
07:17 witchcraft? Not a clue. Was this ever brought up again? Not a chance. Number 4. Cursed. The
07:24 Ultimate Warrior. Sticking with the hocus pocus bullsh*t for a moment, we have this. One of the
07:28 more infamous moments of WWE's late realization that the 90s were about Rip Jemes and Nirvana,
07:33 and not cartoon wrestling for babies, where the Godfather, aka Kama Mustapha, aka Papa Shango,
07:39 put a curse on the Ultimate Warrior, causing him to clutch his tummy, fall to the ground,
07:42 and vomit green ooze. Plenty have spoken about their distaste for this angle, including Warrior
07:48 himself, as well as Bret Hart, with Bret in particular calling it maybe the worst idea
07:52 WWE ever had. And when a generational hater like Bret has words that strong to say, you better
07:57 believe I listen. Again, I must stress that this is what WWE thought was cool in May of 1992,
08:04 and I will contextualize this by reminding you all that Nirvana released Nevermind 8 months before
08:10 this, and Dr. Dre released The Chronix 7 months after. And yet here we were, stuck in the middle
08:15 with WWE and their very untubular ideas. Number 3. Electrocuted Testicles. Shane McMahon. I mean,
08:22 I don't know what more to say about this angle. It's exactly what it says on the tin. While over
08:26 on Smackdown you had the aforementioned Big Show tranking and John Cena stabbing, on Raw you had…
08:31 whatever the f*ck Kane was doing at the time. And at the time that was September 2003, what Kane
08:36 was doing was terrorizing Shane McMahon's nuts. When Kane tombstoned Linda McMahon,
08:41 Shane came to his mother's defense. He shouldn't have done that. Why, you ask? Well, because 2003
08:46 was the era of WWE where if you were feuding with Kane, it might mean being tied to the ring post
08:51 and having jumper cables attached to his nads and zapped with a car battery. Now, I love my
08:55 momma to death, but I think just having those things clamped to my junk would have had me ready
09:00 to tombstone her myself to get some relief. Shane needed a week to recover, and thankfully he did
09:04 because Unforgiven was just around the corner and Shane needed to jump off something.
09:08 #2. Extracted Eyeball - Rey Mysterio
09:11 Most of the time when people use the phrase "an eye for an eye," they don't really mean it. But
09:16 Rey Mysterio and Seth Rollins? They were about that life. Back in 2020, Seth Rollins had a mental
09:20 breakdown of sorts brought on by the news of his wife's pregnancy and also losing the WWE title
09:25 match the night before to Drew McIntyre. But between Drew McIntyre and an infant, I know who
09:29 I'm more scared of. Anyway, in Seth's mental haze, he crushed Rey Mysterio's eye on the corner of
09:34 the ring steps, and so began the near-year-long and ridiculous rivalry between the two.
09:38 While much of the pandemic wrestling era has faded from our minds, I don't think a wrestling
09:43 fan alive will ever be able to avoid the nightmare flashbacks that come with hearing the words,
09:47 "the eye for an eye match." A technically solid match between two expert wrestlers,
09:52 with the single stupidest winning condition in wrestling history. You win by extracting
09:57 the other man's eyeball. I don't care what anyone says, this was stupider than the Gulf of Mexico
10:02 match. And it may have been a CG eyeball, but the finish of that match saw Seth remove Rey's eye from
10:08 its socket and blow chunks all over. This was a stupid time in all our lives, but to end this list,
10:13 let's look at a stupid time in the life of Michael Cole instead.
10:16 And number one, anal bleeding. Jerry Lawler.
10:19 Sometimes when you come up with an idea for a list, you already know what the number one
10:23 entry is going to be. This is, regrettably, one of those times. Michael Cole was an absolute
10:28 menace to society from 2010 to 2012, and he was barely a member of society before that. But heel
10:33 announcer Michael Cole did his best to ruin the lives of all those who tuned into WWE programming
10:37 for those two years, as well as the life of his rival, Jerry Lawler. In addition to costing the
10:42 King the WWE Championship, bringing back Bryan Christopher for the saddest Attitude Era return
10:47 of all time, and showing up to their pay-per-view match covered in bubble wrap, Cole also felt the
10:51 need to address the fans at home following Lawler's assault at the hands of Mark Henry.
10:55 It is an address that became instantly infamous, and a damn fine reaction gif all at once,
11:00 as Cole alerted us that among Jerry's injuries, he was suffering from anal bleeding. To which
11:06 Booker T simply responded, "What?" My thoughts exactly, Booker. My thoughts exactly. Of course,
11:12 this was just another case of Vince McMahon being a jack-off, but in terms of a fake injury used to
11:16 further a wrestling storyline, I don't think you'll ever find one stranger than this.
11:20 And that's our list! Please make sure that you like this video, subscribe, and enable notifications
11:24 to always on so you never miss a fun list just like it, and check out this clip from last week's
11:28 list here.
11:28 [Clip]
11:29 [Clip]