If these "Curb" clips don't make you laugh, you may just be a robot. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the funniest and most painfully awkward Larry David-esque interactions on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
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00:00 "You know what you are? You're a social assassin."
00:02 "Jeez, I guess I am in a way."
00:06 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the funniest and most painfully
00:10 awkward Larry David-esque interactions on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
00:14 "It's a shame she didn't know that the hair wasn't gonna grow back, you know.
00:18 I mean, she's a bright girl."
00:22 Number 10. Larry orders a coffee. Shack.
00:24 In this season 2 episode, Larry finds himself in a bit of a pickle after accidentally tripping
00:29 over Shaquille O'Neal at a basketball game and injuring him.
00:31 "Oh my god! Idiot! What did you do?"
00:37 Now, while most folks would be mortified by such a mishap, Larry, being Larry, relishes
00:42 his newfound status of social pariah. Things get so bad that even Cheryl tries to avoid
00:46 being seen with him in public. But Larry insists on accompanying her for a coffee run.
00:51 "And I'll have a vanilla... one of the vanilla bullsh*t things. You know,
00:57 you... whatever you want. Some vanilla bullsh*t latte, cappa thing, you know, whatever you got.
01:02 I don't care."
01:03 Faced with a complicated array of fancy coffee names, a confused Larry opts for a
01:07 mishmash of everything. Of course, he ends up embarrassing Cheryl with his "milk and coffee"
01:11 spiel, prompting her to pack up and leave.
01:13 "Milk and coffee! Who would have thought? Milk and coffee! Oh my god! What a drink!
01:19 "You want to take off?"
01:20 "It's milk and coffee mixed together!"
01:22 Number 9. The sandwich switch. The Larry David sandwich.
01:25 Larry's favorite deli, Leo's, has bestowed him with the prestigious honor of having a
01:30 sandwich named after him.
01:31 "I want to thank you for putting me up on the board, having my own sandwich."
01:36 "Larry David sandwich."
01:40 "Look, look how proud he is."
01:43 This puts him up there with the likes of Tom Hanks,
01:45 Bette Midler, and his pal Ted Danson. There's just one problem.
01:49 Larry finds the sandwich's ingredients utterly repulsive. Naturally, he sets his sights on
01:53 Ted's sandwich, a far more palatable option, and tries to switch with him.
01:57 "I'd like to eat my own sandwich. It would be fun to go in with my dad
02:01 and eat my own sandwich, you know."
02:02 "Alright. Very well. What's the harm?"
02:05 "Really?"
02:05 "Yeah, why not?"
02:06 "Fantastic."
02:08 At first, Ted entertains the idea of swapping, but upon discovering the unsavory contents of
02:13 Larry's sandwich, he becomes a lot more reluctant. Needless to say, this pisses off Larry, who's
02:18 even further aggravated by Jeff constantly reminding Ted of the sandwich's unappealing
02:22 ingredients.
02:23 "What else is in it? No condiments?"
02:25 "Cream cheese."
02:25 "There's some cream cheese that's..."
02:29 "Capers."
02:32 "There may be some capers. I'm not sure. If you don't like them,
02:38 you can brush them off. That's not a big deal."
02:40 Number 8. Jerry Doody, The Carpool Lane
02:42 Few among us would jump at the chance to serve on a jury, and Larry David certainly
02:45 isn't one of those few.
02:46 "It's hard to get out of these things. I don't know what I'm gonna have to make something up.
02:51 I would serve if they made me the foreman, but..."
02:53 "Yeah, I don't think you get to choose."
02:55 "I can't serve under another foreman. That's not gonna work."
02:58 But while most people would tender legitimate excuses to get out of jury duty,
03:02 Larry decides to wear his Seinfeld jacket, banking on their apparent disdain for Hollywood types.
03:07 However, once he gets to court and discovers that the defendant is African American,
03:10 he switches gears and instead claims to be racist.
03:13 "Is there any reason you can think of that you'd not be able to decide this
03:16 case in a fair and impartial manner?"
03:19 "I don't know if I could be impartial, Mr. Condon."
03:21 Predictably, this plan backfires spectacularly later in the episode.
03:25 Lucky for Larry, he's saved by the presence of Monena, the sex worker whose stash of
03:29 dope previously sent him spiraling into a deep existential crisis.
03:32 "What are you looking at? You see something? Huh?"
03:36 "What did I do?"
03:38 "What did you do? You know what you did! You did nothing!"
03:41 "If you want me to do something, just tell me!"
03:43 Number 7. Locked Out of Heaven, The End
03:46 It's common knowledge at this point that hardly anyone can tolerate Larry David and
03:49 his antics. Not his wife, not his friends, and apparently, not even the celestial beings.
03:54 In the season 5 finale, Larry dies after giving his kidney to Richard Lewis and ascends into
03:58 heaven, where he meets his guardian angels.
04:00 "You guys, you've been around me my whole life?"
04:02 "Oh yeah."
04:02 "You were at the spin the bottle party when I ran out when I was 12."
04:05 "Oh, we were there."
04:07 As Larry proudly discusses his supposedly excellent DVD storing system,
04:10 sparks fly between him and the angels, and not the heavenly kind.
04:13 "That's right! I have a system. I take the DVD cover and put it on top of the DVD player."
04:20 "Right, exactly!"
04:21 "That's not a system."
04:23 "Oh, is that so?"
04:24 Only Larry could trigger such an expletive-filled angelic meltdown.
04:28 After a brief discussion, the verdict from on high isn't favorable. The angels decide that
04:32 Larry's antics aren't exactly heaven material, and he's promptly cast back down to earth.
04:36 "Come on, that's not fair!"
04:38 "Goodbye, Larry."
04:38 "Goodbye, Larry."
04:39 "Give me another chance!"
04:43 "Wait, wait, I like it here!"
04:44 Number 6. Larry gets a rash. The table read.
04:47 During the Seinfeld reunion table read,
04:49 Larry encounters a young fan who he learns has a rash on her private parts.
04:52 "It's late, getting back from lunch, so I have to take Emma to the doctor."
04:56 "Oh, really?"
04:56 "Mm-hmm."
04:57 "Oh, is she okay?"
04:59 "Yeah, she just has a rash."
05:00 However, when letting him in on this information, the girl's mother makes use of a crude word.
05:04 Although Larry's initially taken back, he ends up embracing the term,
05:07 much to the horror of those around him.
05:09 This newfound vocabulary lands him in hot water when he visits the hospital
05:13 after developing a rash of his own.
05:14 "First it was on my back, now my neck, my arm, now it's on my hands, fingers."
05:19 "Yeah, I can see that right there."
05:20 When questioned by the doctor, Larry's explanation,
05:23 though technically accurate and innocent, paints him in a rather unsavory light.
05:27 Unsurprisingly, the doctor jumps to conclusions,
05:30 pegging Larry as a potential predator, and promptly calling the cops.
05:33 "If I have another patient to check on, I'll be right back."
05:35 "Okay, alright. Don't tell your mother, but I bought you another..."
05:42 "Call the police."
05:43 Number 5. The Answering Machine Message, The Baptism
05:46 Some of the most hilarious moments on Curb Your Enthusiasm
05:49 stem from the banter between Larry and his friend, comedian Richard Lewis.
05:52 "Oh, God, I hate doing this, 'cause you know, you always take it the wrong way.
05:56 You've taken everything the wrong way, ever since I'd known you."
05:59 But this one deserves a special mention for turning such a trivial matter
06:02 into a full-blown spat.
06:04 Richard asserts that Larry stole his outgoing message for his answering machine,
06:07 a claim the latter vehemently denies.
06:09 "You don't even know what you're talking about. You are so off-base."
06:12 "You have my same answering machine outgoing message, and it bugs me."
06:15 "That's my message!"
06:16 Larry argues that he wrote the message seven years prior.
06:19 Richard shoots back, claiming he did it seven and a half years prior,
06:22 and then tries to play the pity card.
06:24 They go around in circles until Larry eventually lets up and changes his message.
06:28 "Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message at the tone. Thank you."
06:33 "Fantastic. What's wrong with that?"
06:36 "What's wrong? It's, uh, because it's not fair."
06:39 "At least, uh, it's an admission of guilt."
06:42 "It's not an admission of guilt."
06:43 But make no mistake, this is no admission of guilt.
06:46 Larry's just flexing his big, expansive muscles.
06:48 Number four. Larry steals a doll head. The doll.
06:52 Not many of us would cut off the hair of a little girl's doll, even if asked.
06:55 Then again, not many of us are Larry David.
06:57 "Why did you cut her hair?"
06:58 "I didn't cut it! He did! He cut it!"
07:02 "Is this true?"
07:03 "Well, she asked me. She asked me to give her the haircut."
07:05 After ruining the doll belonging to a network executive's daughter,
07:08 Larry opts for a quick fix from Jeff's kids' collection.
07:11 Luckily, they find the exact doll, but when Susie nearly catches them,
07:14 Larry stuffs the doll head down his pants.
07:16 "Do something! She's coming up!"
07:17 "Give this to me."
07:21 "Jeffrey, I saw your car!"
07:22 Not exactly grown man behavior, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
07:26 Larry pulls off the same stunt later on in a theater restroom,
07:29 this time trying to hide a water bottle.
07:31 But things get awkward when he is hugged by the very girl whose doll he destroyed,
07:35 making for a highly uncomfortable moment.
07:37 "Mommy, mommy! That bum man's in the bathroom and there's something hard in his pants!"
07:42 Number 3. Felony trick-or-treat.
07:45 Trick-or-treat.
07:46 Ever wondered what the cutoff for trick-or-treating was?
07:48 Well, according to Larry David, it's somewhere before the age of 16.
07:51 When two uncostumed teenagers show up at his house on Halloween demanding candy,
07:55 Larry questions their motives and refuses to oblige them.
07:57 "I don't think so."
07:59 "Are you kidding? It's Halloween."
08:01 "Yeah, I know. It doesn't mean that you're entitled to just go around to people's homes and
08:05 bilk them out of candy."
08:06 The girls argue and hurl insults at him, just before he slams the door in their faces.
08:10 Fast forward to the next morning and the vengeful teens show Larry the trick side of Halloween.
08:14 "Those girls!"
08:16 "Yeah."
08:16 "Why would they do something like that?"
08:18 "Because I didn't give them candy, that's why."
08:22 They toilet paper his house and spray paint what he deems hate speech on his front door.
08:25 Sure, the mess could have been avoided if he'd just given them the candy, but then what?
08:28 "There's gotta be some kind of cut-offs, shouldn't there be for Halloween?"
08:31 "What is with you and your cut-offs? And your 'shouldn't there be' and 'should there be'?"
08:35 "Well, who cares?"
08:36 "What, are there gonna be 40? Trick-or-treating at 40?"
08:38 "What are they supposed to do?"
08:39 "Do I have free candy? I'm 40 years old!"
08:41 "What do you want? Cut-offs then!"
08:41 "I want free candy!"
08:43 A parade of 30, 40-year-olds trick-or-treating? Not on Larry's watch.
08:46 #2. Sophie's Choice - Palestinian Chicken
08:50 The episode "Palestinian Chicken" is a fan favorite,
08:52 even earning a nod from the real-life Larry David.
08:55 In the episode, Larry becomes a social assassin when he's essentially hired
08:58 to tell his friend's wife to stop saying "LOL."
09:00 "LOL. LOL."
09:02 "You like saying that, don't you?"
09:06 "It's cute, right?"
09:07 "No, not really."
09:09 "What do you mean?"
09:11 "I mean, if you're gonna laugh out loud, why aren't you laughing out loud?
09:14 Why say it? Why not just laugh?"
09:16 "I am laughing, that's what that is."
09:18 Then he finds himself in a dilemma after discovering a new Palestinian chicken
09:21 restaurant where he becomes attracted to a woman named Shara.
09:24 Their affair kicks off as Shara witnesses a brawl between Larry and Marty.
09:28 "I'm not doing anything!"
09:29 "Don't you dare go after my yacht! Don't you reach for that!
09:33 Don't you ever touch that! No! Don't you ever grab my Yamaha!"
09:36 Things escalate when the Palestinian restaurant opens a branch next to a Jewish deli,
09:40 prompting Larry's friends to join a planned protest.
09:43 Caught in the chaos, Larry faces a tough decision amid chance from Marty
09:46 and Suzy on one side and tempting offers from Shara on the other.
09:50 Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
09:54 Larry rejects Ted Danson's pie, Denise Handicapped.
09:57 A nice gesture devolves into a shouting match between Larry and Ted.
10:00 "I don't have to take a bite just because you want me to, okay?"
10:03 "Have a bite of the pie."
10:04 "I don't want the pie, thank you."
10:06 "I'm sorry, I'm just gonna take it."
10:07 "No, no, no, what?"
10:07 "Put the pie down. Put the pie down."
10:09 "No, don't. Here, take it."
10:10 The Popcorn Dilemma. Car Periscope.
10:12 Larry falls out with an inventor after refusing to let his wife hold his popcorn.
10:16 "Why don't you want me to hold the popcorn? Because obviously there's a problem with holding the popcorn."
10:19 "There's no problem!"
10:19 "No, there's a little bit of a problem."
10:21 Larry the Failed Car Salesman. The Car Salesman.
10:23 With zero marketing skills, Larry, unsurprisingly, fails to sell a single car.
10:28 "Is there somebody else who could help me with this car?"
10:30 "Sir, I'm sorry. Thank you."
10:34 "I'm really not interested in buying today, okay?"
10:37 "What? What are you doing? Shirley!"
10:39 Judge Judy Appearance. The Shucker.
10:41 Larry drags Mrs. Shapiro to the reality court show after she steals his plant.
10:45 "Yes, it's filtered. Yes, it's filtered."
10:47 "I'm sorry. That is not filtered water."
10:50 "Don't drink it. Don't drink it. Put it down."
10:52 "Why do you put unfiltered tap water on the table floor?"
10:55 "That's it. That's it. I'm done."
10:56 The Freak Book. The Freak Book.
10:58 Larry gifts Ted an inappropriate coffee table book and disrupts his party while reading it.
11:02 "Leaf through it.
11:03 Huh? Are you loving that?"
11:10 "Well, thank you, Larry. Thank you very much."
11:13 "You're welcome. It's a great coffee table book."
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11:29 1. Larry respects wood. Seinfeld and the divorce.
11:35 Arguably the most hilarious Larry David moment is one that actually cuts across two seasons.
11:39 It kicks off in the season 7 finale when Julia Louis-Dreyfus blames Larry for a ring stain on
11:44 her family's antique wooden table. "I didn't put my glass down there.
11:48 I held on to it." "No, no, no, but you were here."
11:50 "Yeah, I know, but the glass never left my hand. When I'm in social situations,
11:54 I always hold on to my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don't have to shake
11:58 hands." He vehemently denies this, proclaiming his profound respect for wood. Despite being
12:02 innocent, Larry launches a mission to find the wood-disrespecting culprit.
12:06 "If you didn't do it, who did it? You're the piece, you're the person."
12:09 "I'm going to find out." "Oh, please."
12:11 "I will find out and I will drag that person by the hair and bring him into your dressing room."
12:15 This runs parallel to his quest to win back Cheryl, which he very nearly succeeds at.
12:19 Just as they're about to reconcile, Larry realizes it was Cheryl who left the dreaded ring stain and
12:24 promptly calls Julia with the revelation. "I would love for you to call Julia and tell her
12:28 that you left the ring stain." "I'm not calling Julia."
12:31 "Yeah, just tell her that you were the one who left the stain on the antique table. Hold it one
12:35 second." "I'm not going to do that."
12:36 "Yeah, come on." "I'm not doing that."
12:38 "No, I want you to talk to her." This spills over into the season 8 premiere
12:41 where Cheryl storms out, effectively burying any hope of rekindling their romance.
12:45 What Larry David lessons have you injected into your own daily interactions?
12:49 Let us know in the comments below!
12:50 "It's an unwritten rule." "Oh my God."
12:53 "There's two Larry Davids." "Holy s***."
12:57 "Pretty good." "Pretty, pretty good."
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