Losing a baby can be a very difficult experience for couples. Whether it is a miscarriage or a stillbirth, couples are often left alone with their questions. In this episode of Healthy Me, No Cap, medical doctor Chinonso Egemba (Aproko Doctor) in Lagos, meets the mother of a stillborn baby to discuss these questions and stresses why parents need empathy and support rather than judgement.
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00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02 Out of 1,000 births in Nigeria, 429 of them
00:06 end up as stillbirths.
00:08 This can be a painful experience for a lot of women
00:11 and also makes us the country with the second highest rate
00:13 of stillbirths in the world.
00:14 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:19 Everybody was expecting me to come back home with a child.
00:23 I was just coming back home with nothing.
00:26 My brain was just going through so many things at that point.
00:28 I was about to die.
00:30 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:40 So welcome to this safe space, once again,
00:43 on Helping Me Know Cap, where we are
00:45 going to delve into this very intimate conversation
00:47 to make sense of it.
00:50 Today, we are joined by Elizabeth,
00:52 and she's here to share her experience with us.
00:54 Welcome, Elizabeth.
00:55 Thank you.
00:56 If we jump straight into it, I want
00:58 you to tell me how your reactions were,
01:01 what your feelings were when you first
01:03 found out you were pregnant.
01:04 How did you know that it was a stillbirth?
01:18.
01:22 And you know, quack matrons, no scanning machine there.
01:28 So nobody knew the baby had died already.
01:31 I was just struggling for more than 12 hours,
01:35 not until the baby forcefully--
01:38 because the woman had to press my belly there--
01:42 popped out.
01:44 It was blue.
01:45 And that day, let me say, I went to have
01:48 a look when I came back.
01:50 It was quite an experience.
01:52 It was really terrible.
01:53 It is rare that babies die during the delivery itself,
01:59 even though it does happen.
02:00 Most of the stillbirths, rather, happen during the pregnancy.
02:05 But some women may notice that it's either the baby
02:08 stopped kicking.
02:10 Did you notice any of that?
02:11 I felt, like, two weeks to that time, everything just stopped.
02:16 But my mind didn't go there, because that
02:18 was my first pregnancy.
02:19 Sometimes the medical conditions of the mother
02:21 might also lead to a stillbirth.
02:23 Things like diabetes, hypertension--
02:26 especially hypertension that has been developed in pregnancy--
02:30 could also affect the blood flow to the baby
02:32 and lead to stillbirth.
02:34 The higher the age, the higher the chances of a stillbirth.
02:39 Also, the lifestyle choices of the mother
02:40 can actually impact the baby.
02:42 Things like smoking cigarettes, taking alcohol
02:45 could affect the blood flow to this baby
02:46 and just might lead to a stillbirth.
02:48 So we have some interesting comments
02:50 from our DWU Africa community.
02:52 And the first one is from Menke Martins from Cameroon.
02:56 And he said, "My wife had two miscarriages in a year.
02:59 What can one do to prevent such happenings?"
03:03 Usually, miscarriages that happen
03:05 in the very early term of pregnancy
03:09 most times cannot be prevented first trimester.
03:11 But I would advise anyone who is watching this
03:15 to register for antenatal care as quickly as possible.
03:19 This will help you stay abreast and help doctors catch
03:22 any symptoms as quickly as they happen,
03:24 and most times help you carry your pregnancy to term.
03:28 After stillbirth in some of our communities,
03:31 most people tend to blame the woman,
03:33 push her aside, ostracize her, or it's because you did this,
03:36 you didn't do this.
03:37 Did anybody say anything like that to you?
03:39 Yes.
03:40 On the streets, people were like,
03:42 "Ah, if I had gone to a better hospital,
03:44 this wouldn't have happened."
03:45 Some even said, "If I drank so-and-so, I'd go abs."
03:48 Concussion.
03:49 That it would have happened.
03:51 Some were even saying,
03:52 "It was because I stopped going to church."
03:54 So many things.
03:55 And how did that make you feel?
03:56 So terrible.
03:57 I would like to say the fascinating moment for me
04:00 because I blamed myself.
04:02 'Cause when the blames were coming in,
04:04 I was pouring everything on myself.
04:06 How did you get to those points?
04:08 How did you cope emotionally?
04:10 How did you find your way to recovery?
04:12 'Cause I know it's not been easy, but you're here now.
04:15 Yeah.
04:17 The recovery process was not easy.
04:20 Thank God for some support groups I joined.
04:23 Listening to other women's experiences.
04:27 What really helped me then, aside the support groups,
04:30 I am a fashion designer,
04:31 but I just wanted something else aside tailoring.
04:35 So I learned a new skill, which is baking.
04:38 Love it.
04:39 In fact.
04:40 Love it.
04:41 Thank God I now have a 10-month-old baby.
04:44 Uh-uh.
04:45 Yeah.
04:45 High five.
04:46 (both laughing)
04:48 So.
04:49 A boy or a girl?
04:50 It's a boy.
04:51 I love it.
04:52 Thank you.
04:53 My husband really tried.
04:56 Thank you, baby.
04:57 That experience really, really made me see life different.
05:00 Wow.
05:01 Do you have any words to tell anybody who is watching this?
05:04 You're probably looking to the camera.
05:06 Just one sentence.
05:08 Please don't blame yourself.
05:09 I like that.
05:10 Don't blame yourself.
05:12 Thank you, Elizabeth.
05:13 Thank you so much, doctor.
05:14 For sharing your story with us.
05:16 I hope someone out there has found the answers
05:19 to some of the questions through your courage.
05:21 Stillbirths can be quite traumatic
05:23 and could change the entire trajectory of families.
05:27 And sometimes just change people in total.
05:30 I'd encourage you to share kind words, be supportive.
05:34 They'll need it, especially at that point.
05:36 [MUSIC PLAYING]