Are Asian Males Invisible in the Dating Scene?
In this video, Fung Bros share about dating as Asian Males.
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00:00 Dating as an Asian man in America to put it simply is not fun. You guys agree with this statement
00:05 Welcome everybody to the hot pot boys Filipino American actor Mike Cabellon has just written a viral article
00:10 Detailing these struggles of him dating in the Midwest
00:14 And a lot of people have a lot of responses about it. Mike kind of dropped a banger
00:19 Yeah, today calm usually they got like cake recipes on that site. People are like looking for cake recipes
00:24 Oh my gosh, I had no idea. This is what you guys were going through
00:28 Asian guy
00:30 It's a little bit of like an internal discussion that some Asian guys like having with each other
00:34 Not even all Asian guys and he kind of just put it out on USA Today
00:38 Yeah
00:38 And it was really interesting because the internet it went viral and had a lot of couple different
00:42 responses for different camps of Asian guys
00:44 micro mid macro thinkers
00:47 Uh-huh
00:47 And one was Asian masculinity on the micro side, right?
00:50 And then there was the happier abroad crowd in the middle and then there was like the AZN identity almost like narrative
00:57 Geopolitical one in the very macro. So I don't know. It was really interesting. Let's break them all down and at the end
01:03 We'll give our own opinions on what Mike Cabellon said
01:05 Yeah
01:06 and I know we want to break it down from the micro mid to macro because we feel like that this is an aspect that
01:11 Is missing in a lot of these discussions and trust me
01:13 We've had this discussion about Asian male dating statistics a lot on our channel
01:18 So this discussion has been going on for like 25 years and maybe we've been talking about for like seven years
01:23 All right. So shout out to Mike. He wrote the article sparked the discussion. Let's get into it guys the micro
01:29 This is where most people spend the time
01:31 Thinking about how to solve this problem, right getting buff
01:34 Changing your hairstyle changing your clothes online ABS
01:39 I just go approach a lot of women and be very confident. It's micro is based around yourself
01:44 What can you change you as a person make yourself better? And this is where on the forums
01:48 They were really digging into my Cabellon being like bro. Don't blame it on being Asian, bro, because you're like short
01:55 Super baby-faced, you know geeky clothes, bro. You like kind of a geek squad type, dude
02:01 Don't blame it on being Asia, bro. Take the responsibility for yourself
02:06 It's all about individualism be rugged and that is actually it's not wrong
02:11 I don't think it's a fully holistic perspective
02:13 But basically they were saying Andrew that my Cabellon was not an attractive product to women
02:18 So don't blame it on being Asian. You mean like just to all women. He wasn't as attractive. However, his look
02:23 Is more of just that kind of like comedic writer II look so it plays in a scene, but we're gonna get to it
02:31 It wasn't the scene that he was in. No, no, it's very Second City
02:34 Upright citizen Brigade kind of like a Jake in a mirror mohawk. Ah, I guess like beta white guy cute
02:41 Look, maybe that's like the equivalent lane. He's going for but here's the truth Andrew
02:45 You can't just look at something that worked for a white guy and then try to be the Asian version of that in any city
02:50 In America and have it work. Yeah, it is hyper contextual guys
02:54 and
02:55 You know
02:55 I will say and I'm not saying that uh
02:57 I'm defending all the alpha Chad bro Kevin Wynn jawline types because I don't look like that
03:02 I got a baby face, but I will say that that's more conventionally able to get women in any city
03:08 Whereas the other ones it's more like industry specific. Do you have that hipster writer?
03:12 Williamsburg Silver Lake City a tight town in the Midwest
03:16 Probably not because the Midwest simply maybe outside of like Northwestern University in Chicago doesn't have that world
03:23 So if you're trying to play that world and not only that you're the B grade Asian version. That's a pretty tough play
03:27 So that's on the micro level, right? That's why guys just say be this buff alpha Chad, bro
03:33 But here's the thing Andrew it is true that not everybody has the base to level genetics to do the Kevin Wynn thing
03:38 David you said you have a baby face, but it's got a lot of hair on it now, which is different. That's different
03:44 It's a baby face with a beard
03:46 So now it's a baby beard kind of a combo. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going from baby face to more like the club in Shanghai
03:54 baby face
03:56 Crazy reference no one will understand it
03:59 The last thing about the micro is also what you are looking for because there can be a crazy
04:05 Alignment if you're a guy that works in IT, but you only want the girls who are popping on IG
04:09 Yeah, I don't know man if you know like c++ but you only want the girls with the OF that is a difficult match
04:16 I'm not saying it's impossible to pencil. You know software engineer you are you getting money money, but anyway
04:21 Uh, it's just basically guys. There's a lot of things even in the micro where some guys Andrew
04:26 Professionally make a living whether it's on YouTube or personal camps on coaching guys in the micro
04:32 So literally that's clothes hair body, etc, etc. Anyway moving into the mid
04:36 this is probably the most overlooked aspect of
04:39 changing your dating life as an Asian guy because you just move cities or you move to a different part of the city or you move
04:45 to a different country and
04:46 Everything can shift dude. We have a friend who grew up in a Korean suburb and you know
04:52 He's mixed Latino and Korean and growing up
04:54 He's not getting a lot of love from the more traditional Korean women because they don't really see him as Korean
04:58 They're probably looking more for like Korean guys. You're not one of us. Yeah
05:02 He's only half of them right and so but then he went to college just 15 miles south
05:08 He went to a college campus, you know, everybody's young. They're more open-minded
05:12 It's a mixed more mixed Asians and he was like the kpop star of his group, right?
05:17 He had then not being Korean enough to being the Korean kpop hunk that all the ladies were star for
05:23 Literally 15 miles south moved from high school to college, bro
05:28 That's the same city same state, you know, um, even within our city that we grew up in Andrew
05:35 There was a school where people were like horses in the back like on some like Marlboro
05:39 Wranglers type vibe, you know
05:43 like wrestling horses and stuff and then you went over a little bit and people had like six headbands with the pinwheel and
05:49 Everybody looked like XXL source, you know, like it was so hip hop and it was so street and like swagger Pino over there
05:55 It really depended which school were you about to be more successful with women out or just even socially man?
06:01 It depends on the narrative of that specific high school
06:03 Yeah, I know people always ask us because they know that we lived in LA and New York and there was like dude
06:07 What's like better for Asian guys man, LA or New York? They're both really big cities
06:12 I'm like guys both cities are great
06:13 But it depends on your personality and what you want and how you can handle the city and how do you fit into the city?
06:20 How do you connect to the city if you fit in more with LA you like to drive you want that chill?
06:25 Beachy vibe and all the different types of Asians and there's just like everybody spread out go to LA
06:30 But if you can handle the intensity of New York, New York is cool
06:33 So I just that it's as simple as that where it's just changing your context can change so much. Yeah
06:39 Yeah, yeah
06:39 and it's like for some guys who don't want to think about either the micro or the macro and they just want to stay in the
06:46 Mid which is sort of like I don't got to think about how buff I am and how much am I fitting these like Western?
06:51 Standards, you know what I mean? And then on the macro
06:54 It's like I don't want to think about like global
06:56 Geopolitics or narratives or whether people trust us or mistrust us or think we're evil or not. I could just move to Toronto Vancouver
07:02 SGV Hawaii and not have to think about any of these things because these or of course Asia
07:08 Where these are just hyper Asian context where it operates more like Singapore essentially than anything else, dude
07:13 I even know Asian guys on YouTube that are living a happy life over in like South America, right? It's very interesting
07:18 It's just matters just like where you feel like you get a fresh start where you want it where you feel like you're
07:24 Seen as an equal or if not possibly an elevated product, you know, and there's not that many spaces
07:29 So everybody's just gonna you know figure it out
07:32 But but trust me the mid a lot of people don't talk about it moving changing your environment or even just changing your industry
07:39 You know some guys it's like weird because finance guys they party more right?
07:43 But the finance world is also more I guess pro-white and that's pro-asian, right?
07:47 But then you could go into the medical field, which is not as lit and party filled
07:50 But it's very pro-asian people aren't gonna be making the same jokes and comments that they're making in the finance world
07:55 So now you have to make the reads based on like where you feel more comfortable
07:58 Maybe you find a mix you go to FinTech, which is like a hybrid between the two worlds
08:02 Basically guys, you just got to understand the IQ here because I don't like to see the blanket statements that I see online
08:07 They just seem like way too far this way or way too far that way
08:10 There's no nuance, but the answer is usually in the middle
08:13 Anyway, we're gonna move final to the last bird's-eye view Andrew the macro. These are like people on AZN identity
08:19 They're almost consumed with like the macro movement of Pangea breaking apart into different continents
08:25 These are like geopolitical rankings global narratives is the yellow man evil
08:30 Is it back to the Genghis days?
08:31 But is it pro Genghis or the anti Genghis or we part of the Golden Horde or are we part of the?
08:36 Nemoidians or how are people seeing our yellow golden skin or are you part of the how you?
08:43 Kpop wave guys. This is where this comes in. Listen kpop being such a big wave right now. It can affect your daily life
08:51 Especially if you're Korean or Korean passing and you want to go into that look and get that in that lane
08:55 Yeah, we know a guy who wasn't like really doing much and then he really doubled down on the kpop lane
08:59 He's on tick-tock right now. He's killing it guys. It's a different game. Also. It's kind of like let's say, you know
09:06 China's becoming more of an economic power
09:09 So a lot more non-asians are taking Mandarin class
09:12 Obviously if you learn the language of a peep of a person you might be more open to meeting them or hanging out with them
09:17 Obviously that increases options for that
09:20 I know some guys look at Eastern European women because they seem to be more open to Asians guys
09:25 These are all macro trends that you can actually not impact yourself as an individual, but you can ride the wave
09:31 Yeah, and I think it's really interesting because to be honest guys
09:35 You need all three levels and I do think by the way on macro thinking like media representation is a lower form
09:42 than like global narratives, right, um, but I'll say this to sum it all up between the
09:47 Micro, which is like just focusing on yourself and what you're doing in the gym and on your like online hinge profile
09:54 Looking the best possible to the mid which is like the 300 to 500 people around you that you see every day
10:01 Maybe that you don't even talk to but that you just visually see and then obviously to the macro
10:06 Which is like we're talking about the movement of like billions of people's here and and very powerful people enter
10:11 Everybody online that is an Asian guy giving advice to another Asian guy tends to focus on just one of these three things
10:17 But they actually all matter dude
10:20 I want to tell a couple stories guys remember when Michael Jordan was the greatest basketball player ever and then he quit to play
10:27 Baseball he changed the sport and he figured out no, that wasn't my sport. I'm not that good at it
10:31 He didn't make the major leagues. So changing sports can be better or worse now
10:35 I have a success story Yul Tron was an Asian guy rapper out of LA and he wasn't getting a lot of shows as a
10:42 Rapper, maybe he wasn't the greatest rapper, but he had a cool style. But really he just was not popping as a rapper
10:47 He switched in did EDM music and he's a DJ now and he's rocking crowds of like 10,000
10:52 He didn't even have to swap out all his drum kits on his like production, but he looks the same
10:56 He didn't change his look. He just changed the game. He changed his environment
11:00 He changed his what he was doing and he changed his platform
11:03 You see it all the time in music and you see it all the time in restaurants like sometimes a restaurant
11:08 Is to fusion need to be in the authentic area, but dude, I'll just say this real quick
11:14 This is don't hopefully this is going over people's heads
11:16 Wagamama Andrew is a really hyper fusion Asian New York restaurant
11:20 Every time it is opened up in a diverse neighborhood where there's a lot of minorities
11:24 It always fails the other day. I was there at Wagamama's in Midtown
11:29 It was packed you could not even get in
11:32 There was so many white people trying to get a bowl of ramen next to pad Thai
11:37 Restaurants music it's just about the packaging. It's so hyper contextual to the neighborhood you're in and the execution guys think about I
11:49 Don't want to people like not to think about it in like a weird like problematic way. I'm just saying think of dating
11:54 It's like any other thing that you can study or figure out
11:57 There are skills that you can develop in dating, you know
11:59 Or there's like skills that you can develop or you can change the game. You can tweak the game
12:03 You can change the way you play the game
12:05 You can change where you play the game guys
12:07 Like there are so many solutions to attack this problem if you find it a problem
12:12 Yeah
12:12 I think the game is changing to the point of Mike Cabella at the end of his article saying BTS is
12:18 Helping change a lot of larger narratives and there's some trickle-down and you know
12:21 Obviously some people are closer to the blast zone than others
12:23 I will say this I think that a lot of life and achieving difficult things for people who aren't meant to do certain things
12:30 It's a lot like basketball
12:31 Isaiah Thomas has to work a lot harder and have much higher basketball IQ than JaVale McGee because JaVale McGee just got built with a
12:38 lot of
12:40 In-like born competitive advantages that Isaiah Thomas doesn't have he's got to make you know
12:44 Isaiah's got to even think about center of gravity and where to bump people on their hip just to move them out of the way just
12:50 To create some barely some daylight to get his jumper off JaVale doesn't have to think about any of that
12:54 Right, but it doesn't mean that IT can't be a better player than JaVale
12:58 But it meant that he had to put in that much more work into the gym and have that much more IQ coaches and what?
13:03 I see sometimes online when Asian guys give other people other guys IQ coaching on like social reads
13:10 It's just very middle tier. Yeah, it's not holistic
13:13 Also when you're giving advice to on people online, you don't know that much about them
13:17 Like sometimes they don't even know how you look people are just writing one thing and then asking for a bunch of advice
13:22 So it's just strangers trying to analyze another stranger. They don't know and give them advice
13:26 Yeah, and I'm just saying sometimes like you just have to give them the overview guys
13:31 These are the factors that are involved micro who you are how you look and what you want number two mid
13:38 It's just your environment. Where are you around different environments provide different context for you?
13:42 It can literally change how you're perceived and then macro
13:44 What are these larger waves and trends that are at play for you or against you figure it out?
13:49 Just think about it this way. That's all I gotta say guys
13:52 I got to give props to Mike Cabella for writing the article
13:56 You know, I think that he just brought it to the forefront, you know
14:00 I don't know fully what his motivations were
14:02 But I think ultimately as embarrassing as it is I guess for like other people to see the internal Asian male struggles
14:07 It's probably more better if it sparks more discourse because discourse leads to progress and you just got to get the ball rolling
14:12 So that's my pretty much my final thoughts on it. All right, everybody. We're gonna close it up here
14:17 Thank you so much for watching this video
14:18 Please leave your comment down below what you think
14:21 What you thought about the article if you read it or what you think about just Asian the Asian male dating experience in general
14:26 We all know it's getting better a year by year, but there's still a lot of struggles. We still feel overlooked
14:31 Do you feel that way? Let me know hit that like button
14:34 We are the hot pot boys and until next time we're out. Peace. Shout out to botanical Bethany
14:39 (thudding)