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FunTranscript
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00:05 [music]
00:25 Stand by everybody as we turn the calendar back 500 years and bring you the 123rd running of the Canterbury Tournament at Thunderstone Castle.
00:31 The weather is clear, the turf is fast, and it looks as if all attendance records will be smashed to smithereens this afternoon.
00:36 Yes sirree!
00:37 [music]
00:42 Bread or plum pudding?
00:44 Hot pudding, sir.
00:45 Get your programs here, folks. You can't hear one night from another without a program.
00:51 To the winner of this world famous tournament today will go riches, honor and glory, and the frail white delicate hand of the lovely Princess Esmeralda.
00:58 Fairest flower in all the kingdom.
01:00 [music]
01:05 What a prize for stout-hearted knights to do and die for.
01:08 And now we take you to the dressing room of the challenger, Sir Loinsday.
01:11 14 points of brawn, muscle and courage.
01:13 Blonde and blue-eyed, ready to pit his strength against the champion for the heavyweight cast-iron slugging title of the British Empire.
01:19 [music]
01:22 And here we have the little man who ever since early morning has been preparing his knight for the big day.
01:27 Introducing Cedric, the loyal and humble servant who dreams of some afternoon when he too will become a knight and face death for the smile of a lovely princess.
01:35 [sigh]
01:37 But today Cedric's duty is to see to it that his master is completely overhauled.
01:40 Valves ground, new piston rings, brakes re-lined, body simonized, and a complete change of oil.
01:45 [music]
02:01 The big moment is drawing close now. The crowd is on his toes and yelling for action.
02:05 And we go into final preparations for the big event.
02:07 The all-important last-minute touches that may very well snatch victory from defeat.
02:11 [music]
02:13 Uh-oh, hurry Cedric, hurry!
02:15 [music]
02:24 Get rid of it, stupid, anywhere, under the rug.
02:27 There's no time to lose. Before you can say Jack Robinson, the two sturdy gladiators will be out there.
02:31 Hurry up, Cedric.
02:32 Slugging it out for the championship.
02:34 The betting is four to one in favor of the champion, but the challenger is going in there with all the confidence in the world.
02:38 And there may be an upset if Saloine State can turn the tables.
02:40 It's only a matter of seconds now before the two armor-plated contestants meet face-to-face on the field of honor.
02:45 The last minute preparations.
02:46 But wait folks, something's gone wrong here.
02:48 Saloine State is out, completely out, a cold night.
02:51 There's been a slip-up and it looks as though the tournament may be off.
02:53 But there's still Cedric.
02:55 Look here, Cedric, you're in the armor now. Fate has smiled upon you.
02:58 Lucky stiff, this is your big chance.
03:01 Just imagine you, Cedric, can be a hero and win the glory, the riches, and the honor.
03:05 To say nothing of the fair hand of the Princess Esmeralda.
03:08 Think of it, Cedric, the chance of a lifetime.
03:11 And now coming out on the field, that knight of knights, Circumference, the champion.
03:17 Old iron pants, they call him, never lost his seat in combat.
03:24 But many a gallant knight has gone down to defeat 'neath the hoops of his trusty warhorse.
03:28 And here we have the challenger.
03:31 It's the loyal Cedric doubling for Saloine State, willing to do or die for his master.
03:36 Or could it be the fair Princess Esmeralda?
03:38 Looks like love at first sight.
03:46 With an inspiration like this, how could anyone fail?
03:49 Easy there, Cedric, easy does it.
03:55 And now the knights and horses are in the starting gate.
03:58 They're all ready. Battle stations, visors down, lances set.
04:01 Any minute now.
04:02 Although Circumference, the champion, is the odds-on favorite, ladies and gentlemen,
04:05 anything can happen out here this afternoon, and probably will.
04:08 The crowd is waiting for the starting signal.
04:10 It's just a matter of seconds now.
04:11 The fans are on their toes, and here they go!
04:14 The champion is going to the front, and here comes Cedric, the challenger.
04:17 Both boys are moving in at a furious pace.
04:19 It's gonna be ghastly.
04:20 They're moving closer now.
04:21 Cedric is on the rail.
04:22 Here's the champion.
04:23 They're coming up the line of scrimmage.
04:24 It's all over, it's all over.
04:34 With Circumference the winner, and still champion.
04:38 Bravo, bravo.
04:40 Boo!
04:43 Boo!
04:45 But just a minute, folks.
04:47 Hold your horses. What's this?
04:48 Yes, it is. Believe it or not, little old Cedric is in there again.
04:52 What a fighting heart.
04:53 And now the champion sets himself for another charge.
04:56 There's the wind-up, the pitch, and the champion connects.
04:59 It's a line drive going over third base.
05:01 No, a long foul ball into the left field breaches.
05:04 But little Cedric is right back in there again.
05:06 It's a hot night we have out there this afternoon.
05:08 But the champion is on his toes too, and that's a mighty fistful of sword he has there.
05:14 And this time he means business.
05:15 He's going in for the kill.
05:16 Poor little old Cedric.
05:18 This really looks like the beginning of the end, folks.
05:20 No night living could stand up under this powerhouse of pitch.
05:22 It may be the kid's last ride, but he's right in their pitch.
05:25 And he connects.
05:27 What a sock this little fella packs.
05:29 And the champ rocks back on his heels.
05:31 Little Cedric sure sprung a surprise that time.
05:33 But the champion is splashing back now with a right and a left, a right and a left.
05:38 He's making every blow count.
05:39 One, two, three, BOOM!
05:41 No holes barred in this battle.
05:43 There's a smashing right, and Cedric loses his head for a moment.
05:47 But now the champion takes one on the noggin.
05:52 The champ is taking a little more time now.
05:57 He's lost a little bit of his confidence.
05:59 This challenger is no green bubble.
06:00 He moves in and lets fly with a whirlwind attack.
06:02 A left, a right, a left, a right, right, left, right, left.
06:04 The champ is throwing everything he's got at little Cedric now.
06:07 What's holding this kid up?
06:08 He can't take this bombardment much longer.
06:10 Why doesn't somebody stop this slaughter?
06:12 It just don't seem human.
06:13 It's unbearable.
06:15 There ought to be a law.
06:16 Why, the whole suit will have to be scrapped, including Cedric.
06:26 But wait, the champion seems to be tiring.
06:28 Those sledgehammer blows are losing some of their steam.
06:30 The champ is breathing hard now.
06:32 And again we take you back inside with Cedric.
06:34 Pretty cool, this boy.
06:36 But wait, something's happening out there.
06:38 Let's have a look-see.
06:39 Could it be that old iron pants is beginning to weaken?
06:41 Yes, he reels in his saddle.
06:43 It looks like he's going down.
06:44 Yes, he's down, he's down!
06:46 And that wraps it up, folks.
06:48 The winner and new champion, little old Cedric.
06:51 Well, that's the way it goes, folks.
06:53 Champ one day, champ the next.
06:55 What a day for a knight, and what a knight for a day.
06:59 ♪
07:09 ♪
07:19 Commando Duck, here are your orders.
07:38 Yes, sir.
07:39 You will parachute at 0600 and position V4.
07:44 You will proceed down the inland river indicated on your map.
07:48 Now you're cautioned to be on the alert for snipers and man-eating crocodiles.
07:52 Yes, sir.
07:54 A large enemy airfield is known to be located in the ravine 800 yards below the force.
07:59 This point is F8.
08:02 Here you will contact the enemy.
08:04 You are to surround them and wipe them out.
08:07 Yes, sir.
08:10 This mission must be accomplished at all costs.
08:13 That is all.
08:14 Prepare to jump.
08:17 ♪
08:42 Ha! Yes, I'm going.
08:45 I'm not going back.
08:47 ♪
09:02 [boing]
09:03 ♪
09:15 [speaking in foreign language]
09:17 Oh, I beg my pardon.
09:18 I bow my stomach at you, very reverent.
09:20 That's all right.
09:21 Happy cherry blossoms to you, please.
09:23 [speaking in foreign language]
09:29 ♪
09:31 [speaking in foreign language]
09:34 All right, here he coming.
09:36 Time to shooting now, please, I hope.
09:38 No, no, no, wait, please.
09:40 Japanese custom say, "Always shooting a man in the back, please."
09:43 [speaking in foreign language]
09:45 ♪
09:48 [speaking in foreign language]
09:50 ♪
09:52 [speaking in foreign language]
09:54 ♪
09:56 [boing]
09:58 [boing]
09:59 ♪
10:06 [boing]
10:07 ♪
10:13 [speaking in foreign language]
10:15 ♪
10:42 ♪
10:48 Hello, please.
10:50 Master shooting the rope right in the center of the middle,
10:53 just like the Lone Ranger.
10:55 [gunshot]
10:56 I'll do it.
10:57 ♪
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42:01 ♪ Hmm, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee ♪
42:05 ♪
42:17 ♪
42:29 You'll never make it. Hee hee hee hee hee ♪
42:33 ♪
42:42 You dirty cheat!
42:45 ♪
42:57 [whirring]
43:04 ♪
43:15 Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee ♪
43:19 ♪
43:24 [splat]
43:25 ♪
43:27 ♪ Boom! ♪
43:28 ♪
43:39 [squawk]
43:40 ♪
43:48 [laughing]
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44:14 [laughing]
44:16 ♪
44:25 [explosion]
44:27 ♪
44:36 Tire cat!
44:37 ♪
44:41 [purring]
44:46 ♪
44:52 ♪ [theme music]
45:09 ♪
45:17 ♪
45:25 ♪
45:32 [yawn]
45:34 [snoring]
45:37 [snoring]
45:39 [snoring]
45:41 [snoring]
45:43 [snoring]
45:44 [typing]
45:46 ♪
45:48 I am so sleepy.
45:53 [snoring]
45:54 ♪
45:55 [thud]
45:56 ♪
45:59 [crash]
46:00 [fart]
46:01 ♪
46:06 [snoring]
46:08 ♪
46:11 [whirring]
46:13 ♪
46:18 [snoring]
46:19 ♪
46:23 Psst!
46:25 [chittering]
46:27 ♪
46:32 [laughing]
46:33 ♪
46:38 [whirring]
46:42 [whirring]
46:44 ♪
46:50 [whirring]
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46:57 [whirring]
46:58 [speaking in a foreign language]
47:00 ♪
47:08 [speaking in a foreign language]
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47:11 [speaking in a foreign language]
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47:17 [laughing]
47:21 ♪
47:27 [crash]
47:28 [thud]
47:29 [thud]
47:30 [thud]
47:31 [thud]
47:32 [crash]
47:33 [speaking in a foreign language]
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47:39 [speaking in a foreign language]
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47:42 [screaming]
47:44 [speaking in a foreign language]
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48:23 [screaming]
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48:56 [laughing]
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48:59 [crash]
49:00 [speaking in a foreign language]
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49:14 [laughing]
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49:42 [speaking in a foreign language]
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49:58 [screaming]
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50:02 [crying]
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50:07 [speaking in a foreign language]
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50:27 [screaming]
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50:33 [speaking in a foreign language]
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50:37 [grunting]
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50:57 [cheering]
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53:01 In the beginning, the world was all wet.
53:04 Today, it is still four-fifths wet.
53:08 [thunder]
53:10 Man, the nomad, in the course of his migrations
53:14 often encountered bodies of water too wide
53:18 or too deep to be crossed.
53:23 Always the thinker, man soon evolved
53:27 the most primitive form of aquatic transportation,
53:31 a log.
53:32 [whistling]
53:34 Supported by the log or seated upon it,
53:39 the next question was one of propulsion.
53:42 First, the foot, then the hand, and then--
53:46 Aha!
53:47 The first marine invention, the paddle.
53:51 ♪
53:56 From the paddle, the logical development was the oar,
54:00 which employed the simple mechanics of the lever and fulcrum,
54:03 producing maximum power with a minimum of effort.
54:09 ♪
54:11 Because of the limitless, uncharted expanse of water,
54:15 the ancient mariner oft times found himself far, far out at sea,
54:21 with only the stars to guide him.
54:24 Star light, star bright.
54:27 Glacier, wish I knew where I was tonight.
54:30 ♪
54:36 Swiftly and surely, the stars steered him on
54:40 to his destination.
54:42 ♪
54:45 In the 13th century, even as today,
54:48 great thinkers worried about what shape the world was in.
54:52 Some great minds firmly believed that if you sailed west far enough--
54:57 [whirring]
55:02 --you would sail off the edge of the world.
55:05 [whistling]
55:10 ♪
55:14 From the earliest days, sailors were preyed upon by pirates!
55:19 ♪
55:21 In those romantic days, ships often changed captains very suddenly.
55:27 This colorful ceremony was called "locking the plank"
55:31 or "feeding the sharks."
55:33 [bells jingling]
55:36 Eight bells! Come and get it!
55:40 ♪
55:43 [thud]
55:45 [thunder]
55:46 When old father Neptune went on the rampage--
55:49 ♪
56:01 --for safety's sake, sailors would latch themselves to the mast.
56:05 [thunder]
56:07 Thus, the sailor was able to stick to his post
56:11 through hail and high water.
56:13 ♪
56:16 The flag is the sign language of the sea.
56:19 Sailors could communicate with each other by semaphoring and wig-wagging.
56:24 A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, and O, P, Q, R,
56:33 [gibberish]
56:36 Heh. He wigged when he should have wagged.
56:39 ♪
56:46 The happy, carefree sailor expressed himself with a hornpipe,
56:51 traditional dance of the sea.
56:53 ♪
56:54 Hauling in rope, hoisting sail,
56:57 ♪
56:59 rowing,
57:01 ♪
57:04 lookout,
57:05 ♪
57:09 lookout!
57:10 ♪
57:12 [bell ringing]
57:13 [yelling]
57:14 [splash]
57:15 ♪
57:17 Ah, the clipper ship.
57:19 The queen of the seven seas,
57:22 the heyday of sail,
57:24 iron man--
57:26 [crash]
57:27 ♪
57:29 --wooden ships.
57:30 ♪
57:31 Through centuries of practice,
57:33 the sailor has developed a perfect set of sea legs.
57:37 ♪
57:42 [splash]
57:43 A sailor is easily recognized by his wand.
57:47 Oh, knots.
57:49 Heh.
57:50 Who should know how to tie knots better than the sailor?
57:53 He invented them.
57:54 The square knot,
57:56 the sheep shank,
57:58 [sheep bleating]
57:59 [sheep bleating]
58:00 the granny knot,
58:01 [granny grunting]
58:03 a very interesting knot.
58:05 Bears great strength.
58:06 [thud]
58:07 [laughing]
58:08 The slip knot.
58:10 Now the barrel knot.
58:12 Most slip-proof of all.
58:14 [thud]
58:15 Take it away!
58:18 ♪
58:19 [splash]
58:20 This explains why sailors are often called old tars.
58:26 ♪
58:28 And now, through trial and error,
58:31 the sailor has at last mastered the sea.
58:34 A far cry, indeed, from his early ancestors
58:37 to the modern scientific mariner of today.
58:41 ♪
58:47 All hands, man battle stations,
58:50 stand by to attack.
58:52 Hey!
58:53 Stand by to attack!
58:55 (upbeat music)
58:57 Ready?