The Singing Plumber from South Yorkshire

  • last year
Paul Ballington, from Dinnington, in Rotherham, has applied to appear on the latest series of Britain's Got Talent. Here he is performing one of his audition songs, The Diet Starts Again on Monday
Transcript
00:00 Once again she's on a diet and she's munching on the lettuce leaves
00:04 She's chucked me hot dogs in the bin so I've had to wipe because the creams never ate
00:12 And now she's shouting at the fridge because she slipped a bit and ate some cheese
00:18 It's only 3pm and she's already had her daily calories
00:25 The diet starts again on Monday, the diet starts again on Monday
00:32 She lost the plot with it on Sunday, the diet starts again on Monday
00:39 She had a plate full of buffet, the diet starts again on Monday
00:46 Followed by a footlong subway
00:49 Well it's Monday morning and the start of a brand new week
00:56 She's already tried the Atkins but it made her breath and her arse reek
01:02 She said none of these work, I'm putting in a diet claim
01:07 Whatever one of those is
01:09 And she's on the blower to her best mate, apparently I'm the one to blame
01:14 The diet starts again on Monday, the diet starts again on Monday
01:21 It's like an action replay
01:24 The diet starts again on Monday
01:27 She said I really can't look what I weigh
01:31 The diet starts again on Monday
01:35 She had a pie and chips, a bottle of wine, chicken dip, a couple of pints, a bag of skips
01:40 They were mine!
01:42 A body weight in toast, willows and margarine, Sunday roast, ice cream and a chocolate bar
01:50 And a scotch egg!
01:51 She said babe, it doesn't matter
01:54 Because the diet starts again on Monday

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