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00:00 [Music]
00:21 [Music]
00:23 And finally the fake sale to raise money for the car wash has been cancelled
00:28 due to confusion. Well that concludes this morning's announcements. I'm Seymour Skinner
00:34 and stand by to resume learning in five four three two...
00:40 It's hard enough to keep the kids awake without you Seymour.
00:43 Mrs. Krabappel I also have an announcement to make.
00:51 Can't wait till I retire.
00:54 I want one and all to join me in celebrating the anniversary of my portentous birth.
00:59 Here you are Nilsen. A birthday party?
01:01 Here you are Nilsen.
01:04 Here you are Nilsen. I said...
01:09 All right men get ready to blast off. Woo we're in orbit now. What's that? A call from the president?
01:19 Hello? Hi yes let me just say this about that. Okay Mr. President. Bart this is boring.
01:27 I guess we could go to Martin's party. I don't know if we're seen there it'll definitely take
01:34 our social standing down a notch. We're what now three? Three and a half. We get beat up but we get
01:40 an explanation. Beautiful colors never hate. Meaty! Meaty!
01:47 [Music]
01:57 Bart? Mrs. K? Hey it's Saturday your powers are useless against me. Relax I'm just here to have
02:03 fun like everybody else. Don't think of me as a teacher. Okay so...
02:16 Excuse me.
02:17 Hey Houdini why don't you saw Martin in half? Oh I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks.
02:33 I'm a mathemagician. Oh man. Now prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the universe
02:39 as I make this remainder disappear. But seven goes into 28 four times. Ah this is a magic seven.
02:50 Edna. Seymour. Mind if I sit down? Yeah it's a free country. I don't follow you. Oh just sit down
03:05 Seymour. It might be nice to talk to a grown-up for a change. Well this party is certainly a break
03:12 in my routine. You know normally I spend my Saturdays carefully laying out my clothes for
03:16 the following week. Then I stroll down to the car wash to see if Gus is there. Oh yeah you gotta
03:21 keep busy. I collect matchbooks from glamorous nightclubs. It's amazing. If you just write to
03:27 them and ask them nicely. Is this how you imagined your life Edna? Well yes but then I was a very
03:36 depressed child. To poor decisions. Hear hear. Seymour I told you not to play in the neighbor's yard.
03:46 It's a party mother. I was invited. Well then I must have been invited too. Help me Edna.
03:54 I know where we can hole up for a while.
03:59 That's it. Looking good. Getting warm.
04:09 I feel queasy. Don't stop Milhouse. You're so close. I gotta barf. Where's the bathroom?
04:19 Oh my tummy. I told you we should have served cake instead of oysters. I'm ruined.
04:43 Bart how come you're not sick? I gave my oysters to the cat.
04:47 Hey why'd you eat them? I thought you were a vegetarian. I didn't. I just wanted to leave.
04:54 More tea Edna? What kind of little boy has a tea set? I think we both know the answer to that.
05:03 A lucky boy. You know Seymour there's an innocence about you that can be quite charming.
05:10 Oh well I've always admired your tart honesty and ability to be personally offended by broad
05:17 social trends. Really? Very much and your laugh. You mean ha? Mm-hmm that's the one that makes me feel
05:26 oh boy. You have a breath mint I could borrow? I've got some menthol cigarettes. Oh the heck with it.
05:37 Hmm.
05:46 You are never gonna guess what I saw at Martin's party after you guys left.
05:56 You know that playhouse? Well I... Good gravy. Oh thank you it's just brown and water.
06:01 So I looked in the window and there it was the grossest sight I have ever... Bart Simpson report
06:06 to the principal's office immediately. Now Bart son I don't know what you think you saw but
06:13 let me assure you... What Seymour oh what Principal Skinner means to say Bart is that sometimes a
06:19 little boy's imagination can run away with him. That's the best you can do? You could have at
06:24 least said you were giving her CPR or rehearsing a play. Is it too late to say that? We're just a
06:32 little concerned if people were to find out the principal was dating a teacher they might see it
06:36 as a conflict of interest. And there are those who might try to use it against us for their own
06:43 advantage. Like me for one. Like you for... Bart if life has taught me one lesson repeatedly it's to
06:51 know when I'm beaten. Let's talk deal.
06:54 As you know Bart your permanent record will one day disqualify you from all but the hottest and
07:10 noisiest jobs. What do you say son? You keep our secret and some other student can inherit your
07:15 gloomy windblown future. Deal. This is a great day for forbidden love.
07:24 This dessert is exquisite. What are you calling? Applesauce.
07:33 Of course I'm sorry I don't get out to restaurants much. That's okay I don't entertain much.
07:42 Usually it's just soup for one, salad for one, wine for three. You know I always thought I'd
07:48 fall for a woman just like mother even though I didn't want to. And now that I haven't I've
07:55 discovered what true happiness can be Edna. Seymour swallow that applesauce and kiss me.
08:03 I'm afraid I already swallowed it while you were talking.
08:06 [Music]
08:15 Good morning students. Way to go there Wendell. There's Ralph he knows the score. Jimbo how's that
08:21 hat today? Janie, Janie, bothanie. The only way to survive a deadly blaze is. Oh heck life's too
08:29 short for fire safety. Let's go outside and pick wildflowers. Yeah. Mark Simpson to the principal's
08:37 office. Post haste. [Music]
08:45 Mark so good to see you. I have a little favor to ask you. I'd like you to give this note to
08:50 Edna when you get back to class. I don't think I have to tell you it's for her eyes only.
08:54 [Music]
09:01 Dear Edna I wonder if there's another secret. I hear reading.
09:08 [Music]
09:22 [Music]
09:28 Do you think anyone saw us? No it went just as we planned except they confiscated my thermos of
09:34 cola at the door. Oh. Skinner. What are you two doing here? Superintendent Chalmers. Uh why we're
09:41 we're uh on a um uh uh what do you call it field trip. Uh with a student. Yes he's uh. He's purchasing
09:48 refreshments in the lobby. I'll go get him right now. Karkes, Karkes, Karkes.
09:52 Stop pushing me. What's going on? Just enjoy the movie. It is Tom Berringer.
10:06 You think they actually filmed this in Atlanta? I don't know.
10:16 I don't think it's important. Yeah.
10:18 Mother doesn't approve of me dating so I need you to keep her busy for a few hours while Edna and I
10:31 sneak out. Oh I can't take much more of this. I collect pictures of cakes that I clip out of the
10:40 magazines. It all started in 1941 when Good Housekeeping featured a photo of a lovely cake.
10:47 You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here would you? Oh my no I don't care for cake.
10:52 Too sweet. Now this is called a Lady Baltimore cake. At my age I don't have much saliva left
10:58 so you'll have to lick my thumb before I can turn the page. Oh can I just turn the page for you? No
11:04 but you can pick out any picture you want to take home with you. Okay that one. No you can't
11:11 have that one. That's a coconut cake. Bart Simpson how many times do I have to tell you no talking?
11:22 Report to the principal's office. But but I wasn't. Here take this with you.
11:26 Mrs. Krabappel, Bart has something he wants to say to you. I won't say it. Bart.
11:32 Oh I love you Edna Krabappel. Bart's gonna marry the teacher. Where are you registered Simpson?
11:46 Thank you Bart that was very sweet. You may sit down now. We're not gonna get away with this.
11:53 I'm going to step out for a few minutes class. Martin you're in charge.
11:59 No Bart uh you must promise not to fall in love with me.
12:04 Now Martin's scoring off me. That is it. Listen up everybody. Follow me.
12:22 Okay crew set your faces to stunned.
12:31 Um um school dismissed. And then Bart opened the door and principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel
12:43 were kissing and swearing. Father, uncle Appu, a teacher was in the closet with the principal and
12:50 he had as many arms as the Vishnu and they were all very busy. I was in the library at the time
12:58 but Janie told me that principal Skinner and Bart's teacher Mrs. what's her name? Krabappel?
13:03 Yeah Krabappel. They were naked in the closet together. Oh my goodness. Wait a minute. Bart's
13:09 teacher is named Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall. Why didn't someone tell me? Oh I've been
13:16 making an idiot out of myself. Mrs. Krabappel and principal Skinner were in the closet making
13:23 babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me. Baby looked at you? Sarah
13:30 get me superintendent Chalmers. Thank you Sarah.
13:34 Skinner! Superintendent Chalmers. The whole town's in an uproar about your sleazy shenanigans.
13:42 Now I'm going to give you a choice. You can give up this tawdry fulfilling relationship or you two
13:48 will be out of here so fast your mortarboards will spin. And where is your mortarboard anyway?
13:53 Right here sir. So what'll it be Seymour? Well I'm sorry but uh I can't give up the woman I love.
14:04 Well then I'm afraid you leave me no choice. I want you out of the building by three o'clock.
14:10 You're fired. Edna too. Well it's going to be hard to say goodbye to all of you. We've had a lot of
14:20 fun together. Nelson, Nelson, Nelson. How many kids have you beaten up this year? 50. Ah 50.
14:33 Where does the time go? You uh you wanted to see me principal Skinner? It's Mr. Skinner now.
14:42 I'm just a man. Bart I want to apologize for the awkward position Edna and I put you in. Your
14:49 your help made our love possible. I don't know what we'll do without you. No so long.
15:00 Wait a second. You don't have to leave just because Superintendent Chalmers told you to.
15:04 What are you getting at? You spent your whole life following orders from your mother,
15:08 the army, Superintendent Chalmers. Just this once man stand up yourself. Okay Bart. Let's go Seymour.
15:16 Okay Edna. I no wait we're not going anywhere. I'm going to do what Bart should have told me to do a
15:25 long time ago. Attention Springfield. We have barricaded ourselves in the school and are not
15:34 coming down until our demands are met. Willie hears ya. Willie don't care. Obviously you two have no
15:42 experience causing a scene. I'll be right there. All right people we've got an escaped octopus on
15:52 the roof of Springfield Elementary. Let's roll. Two cameras. So once again I've been had but an
16:01 even more interesting story has developed high atop this two-story school. A love story. Skinner
16:07 get off of my school. No you get off of my school. Homer Bart's up there. Give me that. Bart this is
16:16 your father. Do you know where the remote is? I looked all over the house. Did you check your pocket?
16:25 It was it was in my pocket.
16:29 Fine stay in the school. We don't want you to come out. You got it. Damn. All right boys roll up the
16:44 soundtrack. We'll blast them out with music.
16:47 Oh Edna I hope this scene never ends. Seymour you're heaven in hush puppies.
17:13 Turn the music off. It's working like a charm boys. Now cut the power and hit them with the lights.
17:42 I'll get it. Talk to me. You have got to end this thing Seymour. We're not coming down until our jobs
17:49 are reinstated and you acknowledge and celebrate our love. No one would like to celebrate your love
17:54 more than I but I am a public servant and not permitted to use my own judgment in any way.
17:59 Then let us take our case directly to the townspeople. Oh yeah that'll be real productive.
18:03 Who do you want to talk to first? The guy in the bumblebee suit or the one with the bone through
18:07 his hair? My opinions are as valid as the next man's. Yeah all right just come on down. Well
18:13 this is it. What are you going to do? I'm going to go out there and tell every man woman and child
18:20 that I love Edna Kravappel. Well that's nice but first you got to grab their attention and I think
18:25 I know how. I have a bum. Hey wait a minute those are hot dogs. Armor hot dogs. What kind of man
18:40 wears armor hot dogs? It was a good idea Bart that it's just not working. Just speak from the heart
18:47 Seymour. Tell them how we brought a little happiness into each other's lives. Ask them why
18:53 they're forcing two dedicated people to choose between their careers and their hearts. Excuse me
18:58 Edna I don't think we're talking about love here. We're talking about s-e-x in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n.
19:07 Sex cauldron. I thought they closed that place down. What are you people talking about? My child
19:13 told me you two were having sex in the school janitor's closet. You know making babies. Yes
19:18 illicit sex. Doing it. It. It. It. Sorted public sexual congress. This is absurd. I did not have
19:26 relations in that closet and the fact is I haven't. Yes. Seymour I think you'd better tell them.
19:39 It's the only way to clear our names. Well everyone the fact is I haven't ever had relations.
19:49 I am a virgin.
19:52 Hey does this mean that Mrs. Kripopil is a virgin too?
20:06 Well Seymour it's clear you've been falsely accused because no one anywhere ever would
20:13 pretend to be a 44 year old virgin. Oh that's for sure. I'm inclined to agree.
20:19 I'll never look at him the same again. That was more than I wanted to know.
20:25 Okay well um Edna, Seymour in light of these uh revelations I uh suppose we uh overreacted.
20:34 Do we have our jobs back? What? Oh yes yes yes sure just uh you know keep the lewdness to a minimum.
20:41 I'm out of here. Skinny, Krabby, catch you later. Hold on Bart may we have a word with you?
20:55 We want to thank you for helping us through a difficult period. Oh no problemo. So I guess
21:00 now you'll be getting married or something huh? Well actually Seymour and I have decided to break
21:05 up. Huh? We can't continue on like this trying to build a private relationship in public the whole
21:10 town watching her every move with a fine-tooth comb. I'm used to humiliation but not in front
21:16 of a crowd that size. Oh but you seem like such a good couple. Bart when you get a little older
21:22 you're going to learn that sometimes romances don't turn out exactly the way you'd like them to.
21:27 Hmm. That's why I love elementary school Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
21:35 Oh Seymour.
21:50 [Music]
21:58 [Music]
22:06 [Music]
22:20 [Music]
22:26 [Music]