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00:00 [Music]
00:26 Dad!
00:27 V-chip! V-chip!
00:28 Sorry, sorry, my fault.
00:30 [Music]
00:52 We interrupt this cartoon for a special report.
00:55 Someone found my keys!
00:56 Kent Brockman at the action news desk.
00:58 A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of
01:02 oil on Baby Seal Beach.
01:04 Oh no!
01:05 It'll be okay, honey.
01:07 There's lots more oil where that came from.
01:10 Preliminary reports indicated the ship's captain was drunk at the helm.
01:14 Those reports were later confirmed.
01:16 Yargh!
01:17 I'm in a lot of trouble now.
01:20 Hey, I'll give you a hundred bucks to take the blame.
01:23 A clean-up effort is already underway, and as always, the first to pitch in are those
01:27 unsung heroes, Hollywood movie stars.
01:34 This isn't about publicity.
01:36 This is about cleaning off gunk.
01:39 As a Golden Globe nominee, I just think it's our duty to make the real globe a little more
01:43 golden.
01:44 We'll be doing our part for the environment.
01:45 Plus, we get to clean up all those cute animals.
01:46 Honey, we don't need to drive 400 miles to clean animals.
01:56 You can stay right here and give the dog a bath.
01:59 Or trim the cat's nails.
02:00 Oh, Mom, please.
02:01 You can make this my birthday and Christmas presents.
02:08 You've already used up your birthday and Christmas presents on that peach tree we got you, and
02:13 you hardly ever play with that anymore.
02:15 Yes, I do.
02:16 Sure I do.
02:17 Look.
02:18 Here I am, flying on my peach tree.
02:19 Oh, all right.
02:20 Well, go.
02:21 Now, the cat needs his medication every morning, and the furnace has been giving off a lot of
02:22 carbon monoxide, so keep the window open.
02:23 Cat in the furnace.
02:24 You know, I think I'll take Maggie with us.
02:25 And if anything happens, I'll be the one to blame.
02:26 I'll be the one to blame.
02:27 I'll be the one to blame.
02:28 I'll be the one to blame.
02:29 I'll be the one to blame.
02:30 I'll be the one to blame.
02:31 I'll be the one to blame.
02:32 I'll be the one to blame.
02:33 I'll be the one to blame.
02:34 I'll be the one to blame.
02:35 I'll be the one to blame.
02:36 I'll be the one to blame.
02:57 I'll be the one to blame.
03:26 I'll be the one to blame.
03:27 I'll be the one to blame.
03:28 I'll be the one to blame.
03:29 I'll be the one to blame.
03:30 I'll be the one to blame.
03:31 I'll be the one to blame.
03:32 I'll be the one to blame.
03:33 I'll be the one to blame.
03:34 I'll be the one to blame.
03:35 I'll be the one to blame.
03:36 I'll be the one to blame.
03:37 I'll be the one to blame.
03:38 I'll be the one to blame.
03:39 I'll be the one to blame.
03:40 I'll be the one to blame.
03:41 I'll be the one to blame.
03:42 I'll be the one to blame.
03:43 I'll be the one to blame.
03:44 I'll be the one to blame.
03:45 I'll be the one to blame.
03:46 I'll be the one to blame.
03:47 I'll be the one to blame.
03:49 That's 104 pounds of sandpipers.
03:52 You mean there's nothing left to clean?
03:54 Well, there are rocks.
03:56 Thousands and thousands of rocks.
03:58 I've got rocks that need washing at home.
04:03 Jeez, look at this place.
04:09 We gotta do something.
04:10 Hmm.
04:11 Garbage angels?
04:13 [laughing]
04:15 Dad, I think I need some fresh air.
04:24 Can I go to the park?
04:25 Do I have to sit up?
04:26 No.
04:27 Knock yourself out.
04:29 Milhouse, this is boring.
04:39 Make it quick.
04:40 Milhouse, this is boring.
04:42 Make it crash or something.
04:44 Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge of the scale model pilot.
04:48 Gimme that.
04:49 Hey!
04:50 [gasps]
04:58 It's standing on us!
04:59 I'm pedaling backwards.
05:01 Abandon ship!
05:03 I don't like being outdoors, Smithers.
05:07 The one thing, there are too many fat children.
05:09 [grunts]
05:10 Thanks a lot.
05:24 Now it's stuck on that haunted house.
05:26 I heard a witch lives there.
05:28 I heard a Frankenstein lives there.
05:30 You guys are way off.
05:32 It's a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies
05:35 and put them in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super zombies.
05:39 That's the house?
05:41 Pfft. Stand aside, wussies.
05:43 Go away.
05:47 No children.
05:49 Enough talk.
05:51 Dun-dun-dun-dun!
06:04 S-U-C-C-E-E-S.
06:06 That's the way you spell success.
06:08 [screams]
06:10 No, no.
06:21 Help, help.
06:23 I'm gonna die.
06:25 [screams]
06:27 [sighs]
06:31 [thunder]
06:33 The witch has barked.
06:37 We've got to hurry.
06:39 [screams]
06:41 Just a minute.
06:47 Hello?
06:53 Your son was trespassing on my property
06:55 and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle and...
06:58 Are you wearing a grocery bag?
07:00 I have misplaced my pants.
07:02 I'm not going to press charges,
07:04 but I assume you'll want to punish him.
07:06 Yeah, appreciate the suggestion, lady,
07:09 but he hates that, and I gotta live with him.
07:12 You're the man, Homer.
07:13 Well, if you won't discipline him,
07:15 I'll come back and speak with his mother.
07:17 No, wait, wait.
07:19 Madam, I run a house of discipline.
07:21 The boy will be disciplined and disciplined severely.
07:24 Good day.
07:26 Oh, I don't know how to punish you.
07:28 What does Marge usually do?
07:29 She makes me taste beer.
07:31 Come on, boy, give your old man a little credit.
07:34 Yeah, well, I still get to punish you.
07:38 Now, you're gonna do chores for that lady
07:42 until you work off the damage you did.
07:44 It's called responsibility.
07:47 [screams]
07:50 [tires screech]
07:52 Come on in, Bart.
08:00 Oh, I can't believe I gotta spend all my free time
08:03 dusting doilies in a smelly run-down dump
08:06 for a creepy old witch.
08:08 Lady, I gotta tell you,
08:18 I have been grossly misinformed about witches.
08:21 [screams]
08:24 Wow, man, what is this place?
08:26 I prefer not to be called "man."
08:29 My name is Bell, and this is the maison derriere.
08:33 That means the back house.
08:35 Are you having a party or something?
08:37 Non-stop. We're a burlesque house,
08:40 a private club where a gentleman can play some cards
08:43 and see a show.
08:45 Miss Bell, we're about to do our around-the-world number,
08:47 but Monte Carlo can't find her dice.
08:49 Here you go, darling.
08:51 Normally, we don't allow children in here,
08:53 but your father was so insistent.
08:55 He's tough, but fair. I'll start sorting these bras.
08:58 That's a bit advanced for you,
09:01 but I know a stopped-up sink that needs some attention.
09:04 Just glad to be on the team.
09:06 When you work the door,
09:08 the main things are to greet the visitors
09:10 and toss out the troublemakers.
09:12 Oh, the old greet-and-toss. No problemo.
09:14 How did I ever get along without you?
09:17 ( whistles )
09:22 Is your name Bart?
09:29 Mm-hmm.
09:31 What the--? Does your father know you're working here?
09:34 It was his idea.
09:36 In that case, I'll have a whiskey sour.
09:38 ( sighs )
09:40 There's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks,
09:43 and I think I know what it is.
09:45 Lisa, I know it's frustrating,
09:48 but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through,
09:51 no matter how unpleasant.
09:53 Quitting time.
09:55 Okay, scrub up and head for the communal tarp.
09:58 We're having kelp burgers,
10:00 and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvick.
10:02 He's the Eskimo comedian.
10:04 Faster, Mom, faster!
10:12 Oh, that was our emcee, Mel Zetz.
10:15 He got out of bed too fast and broke his hip.
10:18 So who's going to warm up the crowd tonight?
10:20 Well, whoever fits Mel's tuxedo.
10:22 Eep.
10:24 The jokes are in the breast pocket.
10:26 If you get in trouble, there's a switch that makes the bow tie spin.
10:29 Heh, nudist colonies are everywhere these days.
10:34 I'd love to go, but I can't get the wrinkles out of my birthday suit.
10:38 ( laughing )
10:41 But I gotta tell you,
10:43 Adam and Eve must have been the first bookkeepers.
10:45 They invented the loose-leaf system.
10:47 If there's a bad bookkeeping joke, I haven't heard it.
10:54 It's 11 o'clock.
10:56 Do you know where your children are?
10:58 I told you last night, no!
11:01 Where is Bart, anyway?
11:03 His dinner's getting all cold and eaten.
11:06 ( slurping )
11:08 Bart, where are you?
11:12 Come on!
11:14 I have to be up at 6 a.m. to swipe Flanders newspaper.
11:17 What the--
11:19 "President Eisenhower celebrates 40th wedding anniversary.
11:22 Not pictured Mrs. Eisenhower."
11:25 I'm sorry. This is all my fault.
11:28 Bart was filling in for--
11:30 I don't care if he was filling in for Mel Zetz.
11:32 He's my son, and I don't want him working so late that.
11:37 I agree. Kids need rules and boundaries.
11:41 Yes, everyone loves rules.
11:43 It's so tough to be a parent these days.
11:46 What with all the gangs and the drugs.
11:48 Oh, yeah, drugs. You gotta have drugs.
11:50 Hey, you didn't pay the cover.
11:52 Oh, Bart, he's your father.
11:54 We'll comp him tonight. Start a tab tomorrow.
11:57 ( whistling )
11:59 ( door slams )
12:01 I hope I didn't miss the floor show.
12:03 Nope. Is Roxanne back?
12:05 Yep. Did she get my flowers?
12:07 She did.
12:09 Hello, Bart. Hello, Principal Skinner.
12:12 This is the National Air and Space Museum, isn't it?
12:15 ( doorbell rings )
12:17 ( door opens )
12:19 Oh, this isn't gonna be about Jesus, is it?
12:22 All things are about Jesus, Homer.
12:25 Except this. Your son has been working in a burlesque house.
12:29 Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes.
12:32 That's true, but I was only in there
12:34 to get directions on how to get away from there.
12:36 Helen, as a responsible parent,
12:38 I was already well aware of that.
12:40 Homer, I'm as permissive as the next parent.
12:42 I mean, just yesterday, I let Todd buy some Red Hots
12:45 with a cartoon devil on the box.
12:47 But you can't possibly think it's appropriate
12:49 for your 10-year-old son to work in a burlesque house.
12:52 Oh, no?
12:54 Well, if Homer Simpson wants his 10-year-old son
12:56 working in a burlesque house,
12:58 then his 10-year-old son is going to work in a burlesque house.
13:02 That's... ( laughs )
13:04 Aye!
13:06 Now, Marge, you're gonna hear a lot of crazy talk
13:09 about Bart working in a burlesque house.
13:12 Maison Derriere?
13:14 I can't believe there's a place like that
13:17 in our wholesome little town.
13:19 Homer, did you know it was a burlesque house
13:21 when you sent Bart to work there?
13:23 No, I only learned that four days ago.
13:25 What were you thinking, sending Bart to such an awful place?
13:28 I was trying to punish him exactly like you would.
13:32 So, in a way, you really dropped a ball on this one.
13:36 This is your mess, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean it up.
13:39 ( groans )
13:43 Please come in, Mrs. Simpson.
13:45 How can I be of service?
13:47 I have a favor to ask.
13:49 Please shut this place down and move away from Springfield.
13:53 Oh, honey, you can't be serious.
13:55 Springfield doesn't want places like this.
13:57 I think I know what Springfield wants, sugar.
14:00 Oh? I've lived in this town for 37 years.
14:04 I've lived here 52 years.
14:06 I'm third generation.
14:07 Six.
14:08 Get out of my town!
14:10 Listen, darling, we're just as much a part of Springfield
14:13 as the church, the library, or the crazy house.
14:16 So I think I'll stay right here, neighbor.
14:20 Is that so?
14:21 Well, sleazy entertainment and raunchy jokes
14:24 will never be as popular as sobriety and self-denial.
14:28 You're about to learn the two most dangerous words
14:31 in the English language are "Marge Simpson."
14:35 It's a light pink '87 wagon.
14:39 And after visiting the area for the past two months,
14:43 I have determined it is not feasible
14:45 to construct a super train between Springfield and Aruba.
14:48 ( all groan )
14:50 Next on the agenda is, uh,
14:52 the Citizens Committee on Moral Hygiene.
14:55 ( all groan )
14:57 I'm here to share my moral outrage.
15:02 But this time it's not about
15:03 that giant inflatable Dos Equis bottle.
15:06 It's about a certain house in our town.
15:09 Yeah, well, what's wrong with this house?
15:10 Is it the plumbing?
15:11 No.
15:12 It's a house of ill fame.
15:14 A house of loose ethics.
15:17 Is there a building code violation?
15:19 A drainage issue?
15:20 A surveying error?
15:21 The house is perfectly fine.
15:23 Well, then quit bad-mouthing the house.
15:25 Yeah, leave the house alone.
15:27 Oh, jeez, it's what's inside the house that's disgraceful.
15:31 Drinking, gambling, and debauchery.
15:34 It's right under our noses.
15:36 A secret house of burlesque.
15:38 ( all gasp )
15:40 That's right.
15:41 That's not good.
15:42 People, this is an issue
15:44 that we as a town are strong enough to ignore.
15:46 Let us give no more scrutiny to this bawdy house
15:49 and its small clientele of loyal perverts.
15:52 Oh, I'm afraid this problem goes far beyond Eugene and Rusty.
15:56 ( all gasp )
15:58 Marge, if you please.
16:00 Julius!
16:04 Clancy!
16:07 Skinner!
16:09 Seymour!
16:10 Mother!
16:11 Patty!
16:12 Cletus!
16:14 ( camera shutter clicks )
16:15 Oh, uh, Barney!
16:19 ( camera shutter clicks )
16:20 Clancy!
16:21 Hey, come on, you did me twice!
16:23 ( camera shutter clicks )
16:24 Smithies?
16:25 My parents insist that I give it a try, sir.
16:28 ( camera shutter clicks )
16:29 Mayor Quimby!
16:30 Ah, well, uh, that could be any mayor.
16:32 I rest my case.
16:35 Er, uh, well, uh,
16:37 in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware,
16:41 I must take action.
16:42 All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house,
16:45 raise your hands.
16:47 ( clears throat )
16:52 Are they talking about the bordello?
16:55 No, the burlesque house.
16:57 So just keep your mouth shut.
16:59 Here we go.
17:05 No, there's no justice like angry mob justice.
17:09 I'm gonna burn all the historic memorabilia's.
17:11 I'm gonna take me home a toilet.
17:13 ( speaking French )
17:15 ( doorbell rings )
17:18 Who is it?
17:19 Uh, it's an angry mob, ma'am.
17:21 Could you step outside for a twinkle while we knock down your house?
17:24 Just a minute.
17:25 Stand aside, you degenerate two-bit proprietress.
17:35 Don't you call me that. I'm an entrepreneur's.
17:38 Oh, shut up. You're wasting valuable smashing time.
17:41 Dad, we can't let this happen to Bell. Do something.
17:50 Don't you worry, son.
17:51 My friend, stop!
17:55 Please hurry.
17:59 Sure. We could tear this house down.
18:02 No, my friend, stop!
18:06 Let me finish.
18:08 We could tear it down,
18:10 but we'd be tearing down a part of ourselves.
18:13 ♪ You could close down Moe's or the Quickie Mart ♪
18:20 ♪ And nobody would care ♪
18:24 ♪ But the heart and soul of Springfield's ♪
18:28 ♪ In our Maison D'Eriere ♪
18:36 ♪ We're the sauce on your steak ♪
18:38 ♪ We're the cheese in your cake ♪
18:41 ♪ We put the spring in Springfield ♪
18:45 ♪ We're the lace on the nightgown ♪
18:47 ♪ The point after touchdown ♪
18:49 ♪ Yes, we put the spring in Springfield ♪
18:53 ♪ We're that little extra spice that makes existence extra nice ♪
18:57 ♪ A giddy little thrill at a reasonable price ♪
19:01 ♪ Our own little spice ♪
19:04 ♪ Our only major quarrels with your total lack of morals ♪
19:08 ♪ Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad ♪
19:10 ♪ They seem to entertain your dad ♪
19:13 ♪ The gin in your martini ♪
19:19 ♪ The clams on your linguine ♪
19:21 ♪ Yes, we keep the in Springfield ♪
19:25 ♪ We remember our first visit ♪
19:27 ♪ The service was exquisite ♪
19:29 ♪ Why, Joseph, I had no idea ♪
19:31 ♪ Come on now, you were working here ♪
19:33 ♪ Without it, we'd have had no fun since March of 1961 ♪
19:37 ♪ To shut them down now would be twisted ♪
19:40 ♪ We just heard this place existed ♪
19:47 ♪ We're the highlights in your hairdo ♪
19:52 ♪ The extra arms on Bichno ♪
19:54 ♪ So don't take the... ♪
19:57 ♪ We won't take the... ♪
20:01 ♪ Yes, let's keep the... ♪
20:06 ♪ In Springfield ♪
20:12 Well, I'm convinced the house stays.
20:20 This house is a very, very, very fine house.
20:24 Here I come, everybody!
20:27 Wait! No! No! No! No!
20:31 What are you doing, Marge? Didn't you hear the song?
20:34 No, I had to go rent the bulldozer.
20:36 Well, we all changed our minds.
20:38 Yeah, now we love the house.
20:40 What about the sleaze and the depravity?
20:42 It was a very convincing song, Marge.
20:44 Mm-hmm, there were kicks and everything.
20:46 Oh. Can you sing it again?
20:48 I'm sorry, it really was one of those spur-of-the-moment type things.
20:52 Well, I also have a song to sing.
20:55 (burps)
20:56 Don't make up your mind until you hear both songs.
20:59 (clears throat)
21:01 (coughs)
21:02 Morals and ethics and carnal forbearance.
21:05 (explosion)
21:07 (crowd gasping)
21:09 Sorry.
21:10 Thanks a lot, Marge. That was our only burlesque house.
21:15 I do love it when you drop by, Marge.
21:18 Next time, why don't we get together at your house?
21:21 I'm so sorry. How can we ever make this up to you?
21:25 Oh, there's a way, Mom.
21:27 So, Twiggy, I hear you and your husband Woody just had a baby.
21:34 What did you name him?
21:36 Chip.
21:37 Take it off!
21:40 All right, Dad, you've been warned. Let's go.
21:42 Hey.
21:43 Come on.
21:44 E.T.
21:45 (upbeat music)
21:48 (upbeat music)
21:52 (upbeat music)
21:55 (upbeat music)
22:14 (upbeat music)
22:18 (upbeat music)
22:21 Shh!
22:35 (upbeat music)
22:38 (upbeat music)