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00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:03 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:06 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:10 [BELL RINGING]
00:18 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:22 [BUZZING]
00:24 [BELL RINGING]
00:25 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:29 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:38 [TIRES SCREECHING]
00:39 [BELL RINGING]
00:40 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:43 [TIRES SCREECHING]
00:46 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:49 [GRUNTING]
00:50 [SCREAMING]
00:51 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:54 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:58 [MUSIC PLAYING]
01:01 [MUSIC PLAYING]
01:05 [SINGING]
01:16 Hey, hey!
01:31 [GRUNTING]
01:32 [SCREAMING]
01:33 [LAUGHTER]
01:34 Real nice, laughing at an old man's pain.
01:38 [SCREAMING]
01:39 [LAUGHTER]
01:40 [SCREAMING]
01:41 [LAUGHTER]
01:42 [SCREAMING]
01:43 [LAUGHTER]
01:45 We got a great show tonight with all your favorite second tier
01:48 costume characters, like Rib Witch Ribbit, Matrix Poochie,
01:56 and right off the plane from his dad's funeral,
01:59 Sideshow Mel.
02:01 And now for the highlight of our show, a special appearance
02:07 by Elvis Stoico.
02:10 [GROANING]
02:12 Olympic medalist Elvis Stoico performs
02:14 a graceful triple axel.
02:15 Elvis Stoico is so handsome, he can
02:18 lace up my skates anytime.
02:20 Don't you hags know that all male figure
02:22 skaters are twinkly in the lutz?
02:25 That's a common misconception.
02:26 I have a girlfriend in Vancouver.
02:29 Made up girlfriend, made up city.
02:31 [MUSIC PLAYING]
02:33 [GROANING]
02:39 Just think, Lisa, if I had paid for those skating lessons,
02:43 that could have been you.
02:44 [MUMBLING]
02:46 Say, Mel, those figure skaters sure are having
02:50 a swell time out there.
02:52 Indeed.
02:53 Why don't we join them?
02:56 [GRUNTING]
02:57 Oh, my back.
02:58 [MUSIC PLAYING]
03:01 Wow, Krusty Mel sure can skate.
03:08 Nothing slows down the baby boobers.
03:11 [CHEERING]
03:13 [GASPING]
03:16 Oh, don't look so shocked.
03:17 You know the deal.
03:18 Children, we need your help.
03:25 The grumple has stolen all of our holiday cheer.
03:30 That can't be good.
03:32 Grumpily, grumpily, gru, I'll throw my net over you.
03:35 Look out, it's the grumple.
03:37 [GROANING]
03:39 [SCREAMING]
03:43 Whoa, watch where you're going there, Pally.
03:45 We got a basketball game in an hour.
03:48 But we're trying to get to Mistletoe Mountain.
03:51 Tell it to the Utah Jazz, snowflake.
03:54 Oh, uh--
03:55 Elvis, Grumple, Candy, Kevin, let's teach these guys
03:59 the real meaning of Christmas.
04:01 [MUSIC PLAYING]
04:04 [GRUNTING]
04:08 No, come on, Homer, let's get the kids out of here.
04:15 Homer?
04:16 Give back that holiday cheer, you bastard.
04:19 Never.
04:23 This weather is gorgeous.
04:24 I'll take one in wife size and three in mistress size.
04:28 Now, Smithers, I need your advice.
04:34 Picking out a gift for a very dear friend of mine,
04:36 a single fellow, a bit quiet, but one with a warm, loyal heart.
04:41 Well, sir, a fellow like that might have had his eye
04:44 on this silver frame.
04:45 It would go great with his collection of art deco.
04:48 Shut up, shut up.
04:49 There he is.
04:50 Hello, Philip.
04:52 What are you doing here?
04:53 [GASPING]
04:54 Oh, never you mind, Mr. Nosy.
04:57 [LAUGHING]
04:59 Are you going to that string quartet thing?
05:01 Because I'm not.
05:02 [LAUGHING]
05:04 Are you still here?
05:05 Go pay for that.
05:06 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:08 Well, what could old Santa bring you for Christmas, son?
05:14 I want a dirt bike.
05:15 One of those video game chairs that vibrate.
05:17 Dad, he's not the real Santa.
05:20 We can't afford that stuff.
05:22 Shut up, shut up, shut up.
05:26 I better go after him.
05:28 What can I do for you, young lady?
05:33 What I want can't be bought at any store.
05:36 Ah, what is it, sweetie, peace on Earth?
05:39 What?
05:40 No.
05:41 I mean, that's a given.
05:42 But also, the Malibu Stacy Pony Beach Party
05:46 set with sparkle sand.
05:47 It's sold out everywhere.
05:49 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:52 You know, Santa thinks he saw an extra beach party set sitting
06:00 back in the stock room there.
06:02 Really?
06:03 Yeah, you just wait here.
06:05 Let me go check, sugar plum.
06:06 [RATTLING]
06:13 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
06:16 You really made my daughter's Christmas.
06:19 Well, her smile made mine.
06:23 Gil, march your fake boot fronts over here.
06:27 Now, Mr. Costington, sir, I'm glad I had this chance
06:31 to talk to you.
06:32 I've been on the payroll here since May,
06:34 and I'd really like to start working in ladies' shoes.
06:36 Not literally, of course.
06:37 I couldn't walk very fast, though I'd
06:39 learn if that's what it takes.
06:41 Never mind that now.
06:42 Did you sell the Malibu Stacy set I put aside?
06:45 Uh, that was for you?
06:48 It was for my daughter, you nigglet!
06:53 I want my dolly!
06:56 [MAKING NOISES]
06:58 Now get back that toy!
07:02 Gee, I'm sorry, sir.
07:04 Taking back that doll would break a little girl's heart
07:07 on Christmas Eve.
07:09 I made a lot of mistakes in my life,
07:11 but I would never do that.
07:13 Well, then, you're fired!
07:17 But I--
07:18 [MAKING NOISES]
07:20 Oh, you poor man.
07:26 Fired on Christmas Eve?
07:28 Hmm.
07:29 Why don't you have dinner with us tonight?
07:32 Please, Santa?
07:33 Well, let me check the bus schedule here again
07:36 and make a transfer there.
07:38 Well, I could be there by 2 AM.
07:40 We'll give you a ride.
07:42 That's swell.
07:43 Could you swing by my ex-wife's place?
07:45 I want her to see me riding in a car.
07:48 [SINGING]
07:51 [SCATTING]
07:54 [SCATTING]
07:56 [SCATTING]
07:58 [LAUGHING]
08:01 [LAUGHING]
08:03 Oh, yeah.
08:05 Well, I guess old Gil should skedaddle.
08:07 You can't go home tonight.
08:09 It's cold.
08:10 It's late.
08:11 Yeah, maybe I should spend the night here, too.
08:14 You're getting a cab, old man.
08:15 In fact, I believe I see it now.
08:17 I haven't given you a present.
08:20 Your present is leaving.
08:22 Oh, I don't see a cab.
08:25 Well, since I'm staying, how about another song?
08:28 [SINGING]
08:31 [SCATTING]
08:35 It's Christmas!
08:36 It's Christmas!
08:37 It's Christmas!
08:38 I didn't think it would ever come.
08:39 But it did!
08:40 [LAUGHING]
08:44 What is all this?
08:46 Well, I figured since you invited me to stay,
08:48 I might as well go down to the bus locker and get my stuff.
08:53 Marge, we have a problem here.
08:56 You have a bigger problem out there.
08:59 Grumpily, grumpily, gru, your blood will make my stew.
09:03 Do you think that's the same grumple from the ice show?
09:08 Because I do.
09:10 [GROANING]
09:11 Hey, who wants some eggs a la Harold Stassen, huh?
09:17 They're always running.
09:22 [LAUGHING]
09:25 Do you really understand what that means?
09:29 Kind of.
09:30 Why did you let that loser into our home?
09:32 I'll tell you why.
09:34 Christian charity.
09:35 Christian charity?
09:36 What does a porn star have to do with this?
09:38 He's got to go.
09:39 I promise you, he'll leave after today.
09:42 Really?
09:42 Who's going to make him?
09:43 I will.
09:44 He sure has a lot of markers that don't work.
09:54 Well, I got something.
09:56 A spider bite, or as I like to call it, a Christmas kiss.
10:00 Listen, Gil, I sort of thought that, you know,
10:06 you'd be on your way by now.
10:08 Really?
10:09 You're going to put me out on Christmas Day, huh?
10:12 [LAUGHING]
10:15 Well, that's all right.
10:16 I can go down to the men's shelter.
10:17 I just hope that weird priest with the runny eye
10:19 ain't surfing soup, because they--
10:22 Wait, you don't have a place to live?
10:24 Lower the boom.
10:26 [SIGHING]
10:27 I guess you don't have to leave till the holiday's over.
10:32 Hmm.
10:33 Has the boom been lowered?
10:36 No.
10:38 D'oh.
10:38 Appearing in their first Rose Parade,
10:44 the marching band from Altoona, Pennsylvania,
10:46 playing Rachel's Theme from Batman Begins.
10:49 Hey, a marge, happy new year.
10:51 You make any resolutions?
10:53 Yes.
10:53 One, involving you.
10:55 What a coincidence.
10:56 I made one, too.
10:57 I'm going to move my fanny off this sofa.
11:00 [GASPING]
11:00 Whoa.
11:01 And move it over to that recliner by the phone,
11:03 because I'm expecting a call any minute
11:05 now from my old boss at Jackpot Realty,
11:08 asking me to take over the Scottsdale office.
11:10 Really?
11:11 Oh, yeah.
11:12 That desert air's got to give the old one
11:14 two to my bronchitis.
11:15 [LAUGHING]
11:17 [COUGHING]
11:19 Oh, boy.
11:23 Hmm.
11:24 I guess you can stay a little longer.
11:26 Ah, thank you, marge.
11:29 You know, those floats should really slow down and savor it,
11:32 because your life could go to hell pretty quick.
11:35 Hmm.
11:36 [MUSIC PLAYING]
11:39 We're not keeping that moocher in this house another minute.
11:46 [COUGHING]
11:47 He's still in need.
11:48 We have to let him stay.
11:50 It's what Dr. King would want us to do.
11:52 Oh, that's it.
11:53 We're changing doctors.
11:54 Please, just a few more days.
11:57 Marge, admit it.
11:58 You just can't say no to anyone.
12:01 That's why you have three kids.
12:03 It's true.
12:04 I do have trouble saying no.
12:06 It all started when I was seven.
12:09 Margery, we need you to hide our cigarettes in your dollhouse.
12:13 No.
12:14 [GROWLING]
12:15 [MUSIC PLAYING]
12:18 Mom?
12:19 Grandma?
12:20 Aunt Lorena?
12:21 Anybody?
12:22 [ZIPPER ZIPPING]
12:27 And that's why I have trouble saying no to people, even Gil.
12:33 Marge, I have no idea what you were just thinking about.
12:38 Why would you think I did?
12:39 [GROANING]
12:41 Hmm.
12:42 [HORSE NEIGHING]
12:44 [GULPING]
12:47 What's the matter, Homer?
12:48 You still miss the UPN?
12:49 Yeah, but there's something else.
12:51 There's this loser staying in our house.
12:53 Marge says she's going to kick him out, but then she never does.
12:56 Well, you can't kick him out, because then Marge
12:58 will never learn to assert herself.
13:00 Well, I guess I'll have to wait for Marge to show some backbone.
13:04 And you again?
13:06 [MUSIC PLAYING]
13:08 [GRUNTING]
13:11 What the hell is this thing?
13:15 (SINGING) Happy holiday.
13:18 May the calendar keep ringing.
13:22 Happy holiday.
13:25 Homer, wake up.
13:28 I rented that negligee you like.
13:31 Oh, those legs go on forever.
13:36 Oh, wait.
13:37 They stop right there.
13:39 [KISSING]
13:42 [GIGGLING]
13:44 [GIGGLING]
13:47 Homer, don't forget it's Valentine's Day.
13:50 What you getting the missus?
13:51 A heart-shaped box of chocolates.
13:55 [GRUNTING]
13:56 Listen, we've been very patient, but I want you to--
14:01 [PHONE RINGING]
14:03 Is that for me?
14:04 Is it the Scottsdale job?
14:06 It's your foot, Dr. Gil.
14:08 Yes?
14:10 Yes?
14:11 Oh, dear.
14:13 I can't tell him that.
14:15 Ah, jeez.
14:18 Boy, I was--
14:20 Well, I'm still a winner.
14:22 As long as I got a cup of coffee and a tomorrow on the calendar,
14:25 old Gil's coming back.
14:27 Oh, say, Homer, how about closing up that robe?
14:30 I'm seeing the whole butcher shop.
14:32 For your information, since I bought it,
14:35 I put on a ton of weight.
14:37 [GRUNTING]
14:40 (SINGING) Happy holiday.
14:43 May the calendar keep ringing.
14:47 Happy holiday.
14:48 McCarthy, Pops, the old bassoon, why, the pipes do play.
14:53 And Tennessee, Tennessee, turtles, the blue,
14:55 and the music is something nice.
14:57 Oh, their drunken singing is ruining St. Patrick's Day.
15:01 Well, just let them finish this one song.
15:04 (SINGING) Bears, old Brian's, Orion's, O'Sheehan's, and me,
15:07 as they come from Ireland.
15:09 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
15:15 [MUSIC PLAYING]
15:18 (SINGING) Happy holiday.
15:25 Happy holiday.
15:28 While the merry bells are ringing,
15:31 may your every wish come true.
15:33 Happy holiday.
15:36 Happy holiday.
15:38 May the calendar keep ringing.
15:41 Happy holiday to you.
15:44 [WHISTLING]
15:46 Oh, man.
15:47 Now he even mooches our lunches.
15:49 [SIGHS]
15:50 All he left me with are these used nicotine patches.
15:54 Give me your lunch, dingus.
15:57 Oh, mini quesadillas.
15:59 Mm.
16:00 Mm.
16:01 Zesty.
16:02 [GROANS]
16:07 (SINGING) Happy holiday.
16:11 May the calendar keep ringing.
16:15 Happy holiday to you.
16:19 I'm so sick of Gil.
16:24 He ruins Thanksgiving, uses my leg razor to peel his carrots.
16:28 Marge, I hate to interrupt the old salilla diddly illoqui,
16:31 but I just want to thank you for your early Christmas card.
16:34 Christmas card?
16:35 I haven't even taken the photo yet.
16:37 Isn't this your posse on this glossy?
16:40 [GASPS]
16:41 [TRUMPETS PLAYING]
16:42 That photoshopping freak.
16:45 Oh, I don't mean to cause Gil ill will, but still.
16:48 Don't you defend him.
16:50 I want that mooch out of my house right now.
16:52 Marge, I've never seen you like this before.
16:55 That's right.
16:56 I just found my gumption, and I like it.
16:59 Marge Simpson is going to say no.
17:02 Gil?
17:03 Gil?
17:04 Gil?
17:05 Gil's gone.
17:06 Back to Scottsdale.
17:07 Problem solved.
17:08 End of story.
17:09 I'll make pancakes for dinner.
17:11 Gil's gone?
17:12 But I have a no inside me that has to come out.
17:15 Hey, Marge, you want $1,000?
17:17 No!
17:18 I mean, yes.
17:19 Too late.
17:20 Oh, no.
17:21 Don't worry.
17:22 I make six of those a year.
17:25 Even though Gil left, I still have to kick him out.
17:33 I need this, or I'll never be able to say no.
17:36 Mom, I understand your psychological need,
17:38 but I'm not sure what you can do.
17:40 I'll tell you what.
17:41 We're going to Scottsdale.
17:43 Scottsdale?
17:44 Will we stay at a Triple Tree Resort?
17:46 Sure.
17:47 Then forget it!
17:48 I'll ask these active seniors if they know Gil.
18:00 I'll have you know I'm 32.
18:02 There he is!
18:07 Gunderson!
18:09 Whoa! Gil's a big shot!
18:19 And I think he and I once shared a shower.
18:22 I don't care how successful Gil is.
18:24 He's still a mooch, and I need to tell him off.
18:34 117 degrees?
18:36 Ooh, that reminds me.
18:38 There's water under the seat!
18:42 Now, remember, Marge,
18:47 we're not buying anything for more than 1.2.
18:50 But if I scratch my nose, that means we can go to 1.5.
18:56 People, remember, you're selling dreams.
19:01 When a family owns a home, it means they own a piece of America.
19:05 And what matters most isn't the commission you make,
19:08 it's the smiles on their faces
19:10 when they know they own that land free and clear.
19:13 He's the best I've ever seen.
19:15 He's talking at a Century 22 level.
19:18 Gil, remember me?
19:21 Marge Simpson, what are you doing here?
19:23 Looking for a home on a quiet cul-de-sac
19:25 where your neighbor could be, Tanya Tucker?
19:30 Listen, Bob, I have something to say to you,
19:33 and I can't wait.
19:35 Oh, well, it looks like we got a back-out Betty on our hands.
19:38 But watch old Gil take her from furious to curious.
19:41 Now, ma'am, you say you can't wait, and you're right.
19:43 With interest rates climbing, and choice properties
19:46 in the Kingsbridge School District drying up...
19:48 The only house I'm interested in is my own,
19:52 which you defiled for 11 hellish months.
19:55 But now I've learned to say no.
19:58 No to your mooching, no to your manipulation,
20:01 and a big fat no to the Kingsbridge School District.
20:04 (all gasp)
20:05 Oh, come on, you can't say no to old Gil.
20:08 No!
20:10 Why, he's as pathetic as we are.
20:14 (all laughing)
20:16 Gunnarson, I put you in charge of this office
20:20 because I thought you could tame this town.
20:22 You're fired!
20:26 (soft music playing)
20:28 Here's a box for your stuff.
20:33 I can't live in this!
20:35 ♪ May the calendar keep ringing ♪
20:40 ♪ Happy holidays to... ♪
20:43 ♪ Ba-da-ba-da-ba-you ♪
20:47 (all gasp)
20:50 Grumpily, grumpily, grue,
20:52 we're here to share Christmas with you.
20:54 Aw!
20:55 ♪ Have a grumply, grumply Christmas ♪
21:01 ♪ Three of grumply grue ♪
21:04 ♪ Oh, why grump, we'll have a grumply, grumply Christmas ♪
21:09 ♪ Won't you? ♪
21:11 (upbeat music playing)
21:14 (whirring)
21:17 (whirring)
21:19 (whirring)
21:24 (whirring)
21:32 (whirring)
21:39 (whirring)
21:45 (whirring)
21:47 Shh!
21:52 (upbeat music playing)
21:55 (upbeat music playing)
21:57 (dramatic music)