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Futile Attraction
Transcript
00:00:00 [Phone ringing]
00:00:07 I don't know why you keep calling me!
00:00:10 When I said I never wanted to see you again, I really wasn't talking.
00:00:15 Every time I look at you, I just want to be sick.
00:00:23 You're making me numb.
00:00:26 You just don't get it. The 80s were not cool.
00:00:32 Our bed is not a rugby field.
00:00:35 My legs are not goal posts and you will never score another try again.
00:00:42 My therapist makes you draining my will to live.
00:00:49 I'm sorry, but more friends?
00:00:52 Think I can find somebody better?
00:00:54 I just feel like you're suffocating me.
00:00:59 I can't handle this in my life right now.
00:01:02 Getting drunk isn't making you attractive anymore.
00:01:06 It's over. It's not me, it's you.
00:01:11 Pull yourself out.
00:01:13 Yeah, check it out. You're like, totally dumped.
00:01:22 I just want somebody cooler and who gives more money.
00:01:27 Please, find somebody else.
00:01:30 And basically, they're better than you.
00:01:34 Hi, I'm Dudley Oakcliffe.
00:01:37 I want to ask, are you lonely?
00:01:40 Are you scared that you're never going to find that special someone?
00:01:44 That you're never going to find anyone?
00:01:46 I know I am.
00:01:48 Dating can be tough, even for rich and good looking people.
00:01:53 And once you've got that phone number, what do you do then?
00:01:56 During this documentary, we're going to be answering that question.
00:02:00 We're going to follow one couple from their first meeting,
00:02:03 right through the natural course of their relationship.
00:02:06 Together, we're going to see whether the world of romance really is
00:02:11 as barren, frustrating and scary as Tasmania.
00:02:18 Now that's what you call an intro.
00:02:23 Yeah, very nice Dudley.
00:02:26 Yep, I thought so too. It's the best I've done.
00:02:30 There's a lot of money to be made in the love market.
00:02:34 That's why there's so many prostitutes.
00:02:36 At the moment, pimping is illegal, so I opened a dating agency instead.
00:02:42 Let's face it, everybody needs love.
00:02:46 Unless they've got money.
00:02:49 Cut! Hold it. Cut. I've got to blow my nose.
00:02:53 Violet, what the hell do you think you're doing?
00:02:56 Blowing my nose.
00:02:57 Didn't your dad... Have you ever been on a film set before?
00:03:01 That's none of your business.
00:03:03 Her dad? What do you mean?
00:03:05 I'll say this once. You never call cut. Not on my shoot.
00:03:10 Well, okay. Roll. I'm finished.
00:03:14 I don't want to hear another word.
00:03:18 Sorry about that Becky. Do carry on Dudley.
00:03:22 So, has anybody famous ever used your services?
00:03:28 Well, no. Celebrities don't generally need dating services.
00:03:35 That's what groupies are for.
00:03:37 Ha! Yeah. Tell me about it.
00:03:41 Oh, thank you honey.
00:03:49 What about him? Maybe he's our guy.
00:03:52 I don't think he's quite what you're looking for.
00:03:55 He's what we in the industry call a bit of a challenge.
00:04:03 Look, I get hundreds of calls a day. Just give it five minutes.
00:04:07 I'm sure someone much more suitable will call.
00:04:19 There'll be a rugby game on.
00:04:21 There's always a dip in phone calls when there's a rugby game on.
00:04:24 Are you guys sure you don't want me finding you a girl as well?
00:04:27 I mean I have plenty of those on my books.
00:04:30 Mackenzie, our boss, wanted to go with Jermaine.
00:04:32 He saw a photo of her in your brochure.
00:04:35 And to be honest, that's why he chose your agency.
00:04:38 I think she'll be great.
00:04:41 I'm sure she'll be fine. It's just that's why she's on my books.
00:04:45 Because of that modelling contract.
00:04:47 That's the appeal. We need sponsors. They love models.
00:04:52 Have you met her yet?
00:04:54 That's Saturday, isn't it? Really looking forward to that.
00:04:59 As are we all, eh?
00:05:02 I'm sure she'll be fine.
00:05:12 When was the last movie that you saw?
00:05:16 I'm not sure I'll find one.
00:05:19 Any time.
00:05:20 How many people are you on your books?
00:05:23 250 registered at the moment.
00:05:25 Thank you.
00:05:26 It's good numbers.
00:05:29 Dudley, we're on!
00:05:37 Hi and welcome to the Flying Kiwi Dating Agency where we take the grating out of dating.
00:05:48 This is a business, not a household. Don't you people have a proper telephone directory?
00:05:52 Or do you just punch random numbers and hope for a sale?
00:05:56 Violet, get out of shot!
00:05:59 Right, sorry.
00:06:06 Judging from your job, I take it you're a single man.
00:06:12 How would you like to buy some love?
00:06:18 No, our prices are very reasonable.
00:06:22 I know, because you've had no success with dating services in the past.
00:06:26 There's no reason to give up on them entirely. It's like the Vietnam War.
00:06:31 But nobody admitted defeat.
00:06:35 Anyway, we can guarantee you one date.
00:06:39 And when was the last time you had a date?
00:06:44 I knew you'd see it my way.
00:06:48 What was your name again?
00:06:52 Randall.
00:06:55 And what's your phone number, Randall?
00:07:02 I'm going to start processing this, but I'll need you to come down and complete the forms.
00:07:08 Do you know where we are?
00:07:11 That's right.
00:07:13 Next to the marriage guidance counsellor.
00:07:17 See you soon.
00:07:24 Told you it'd be easy.
00:07:28 Are we rolling?
00:07:43 So, you've had a date set up for you by someone you've paid with someone you've never met.
00:07:50 Isn't this just a 21st century reworking of the ancient arranged marriage?
00:07:56 How do you plan for such a date? What are you going to wear? What are you going to say?
00:08:01 What is the most important thing you need to know about the other person?
00:08:05 Will it be the chicken liver, the vegetarian, or the steak meal?
00:08:11 We're here today at Randall's house to find out the answers to some of these questions
00:08:18 and to watch him get ready for the big date.
00:08:25 [knocking]
00:08:43 Fuck, Anne. This is ridiculous. Why isn't there a runner in there telling him to open the door?
00:08:48 I mean, Jesus, it's not fucking rocket science.
00:08:51 Anne, I am not doing that intro again.
00:08:54 It's fine, Dudley. We can edit around this.
00:08:57 Oh, you guys must be the film crew. Sorry about that. My mum was on the phone.
00:09:02 Hey, Randall. It's great to finally meet you. I'm Dudley Earnsworth.
00:09:07 We talked on the phone. Can I come in and ask you a few questions?
00:09:11 Sure.
00:09:17 Sorry. Do you want me to do that again?
00:09:26 Oh, these are my flatmates, Ian and Oscar. Are they a problem?
00:09:29 No, that's cool. They show you and your environment just so long as they keep quiet.
00:09:37 Oh, um, what did you guys want to ask me?
00:09:41 This is your...
00:09:42 Oh, I know where I know you from.
00:09:43 You did that flea powder ad and used to be the weatherman, didn't you? My mother loved you.
00:09:48 I was the economics reporter. I did the stock market report.
00:09:52 I did the special reports on national and international economic issues.
00:09:59 So why don't you do it anymore?
00:10:02 They restructured.
00:10:04 Did they? Who else lost their jobs?
00:10:07 No one. Look, why haven't you had a date in more than a year?
00:10:11 Oh, well the last girlfriend I had didn't like my mother and the one before that my mother didn't like.
00:10:16 And more recently I've been far too busy working and trying to achieve my master plan.
00:10:22 Oh, and what is your master plan?
00:10:25 Well, it's something that me and mum sorted out after I finished tech.
00:10:30 Get a steady job, save for a house, find a woman mum likes, get married and have kids.
00:10:38 How far have you got in your master plan?
00:10:41 Well, I've got a steady job, but that's as far as I've got so far.
00:10:45 This program kind of took me by surprise. I guess it might help me jump to step three.
00:10:50 I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it.
00:10:53 Do you think the plan still works if I do it out of order?
00:10:57 Yeah, I guess.
00:10:59 I think what the viewers would really like to know is what is your favourite colour?
00:11:06 Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought about that in at least three months.
00:11:13 Um, let's see.
00:11:16 Well, Western Electric first mass produced colour telephones in 1954.
00:11:22 If you're talking about late model digital, I prefer the burgundy colour of this FX480 Mark II.
00:11:30 Austin, get me a drink, make it snappy.
00:11:33 But if you're talking about vintage early electric, you can't really go past the classic ebony of this Bakelite handset here.
00:11:41 I much prefer it to the black.
00:11:43 Thanks man, you're a lifesaver.
00:11:45 Randall, what are you talking about?
00:11:48 Phones. I'm a telephile?
00:11:50 Well, can we say that on television? I did not know that we were going to do a sex thing.
00:11:53 No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not a phone freak. I'm just into phones. It's not sexual.
00:11:58 Well, not usually.
00:12:01 Yeah, right, I knew that.
00:12:05 We telephiles are used to being misunderstood and persecuted.
00:12:09 Call that snappy.
00:12:10 Did you know that in 1884 the New York State Legislature voted to have all the telephone poles removed?
00:12:16 It was because of the noise the wind made whistling through the lines.
00:12:19 The Mayor even led a team of axe men through the city cutting down the poles.
00:12:27 That's great. What about the rugby? Who's your pick to win the shield?
00:12:35 I don't really know. The All Blacks.
00:12:40 More of a league man, are you?
00:12:44 Are those the only two options?
00:12:48 Randall, what do you want out of this relationship?
00:12:53 Well, I'd really like to meet my soul mate. Like I said before, I'd like to find my ideal woman and settle down.
00:13:02 I think that's wonderful. And how would you describe your ideal woman?
00:13:09 That's a hard question. Truly ideal.
00:13:13 Well, she'd be into phones or at least something similar so she could relate to my being a phone enthusiast.
00:13:19 But to be honest I've pretty much given up on that.
00:13:23 I'd settle for someone who really liked me and who got along with my mother.
00:13:28 That's really sweet, Randall. I hope you find your tally file.
00:13:31 Cheers.
00:13:32 Thanks, Randall. We've got a bit of extra stuff we need to film here before we go.
00:13:36 But if you've got other stuff you need to do, we're fine without you.
00:13:40 Cool. Yeah, well I'd better ring my mum back.
00:13:48 What the hell was that?
00:13:49 Sorry Dudley, but we needed to wrap it up and he was going off on unsuitable tangents.
00:13:53 I asked the questions.
00:13:54 Oh, absolutely. Irina, get a close up on Dudley. Ready and action.
00:13:59 So, Randall, what are you looking for in this relationship?
00:14:11 Well, I think that's wonderful, Randall. How would you describe your ideal partner?
00:14:17 Well, that's really sweet, Randall. I hope you find your phone-a-file.
00:14:27 Tele-file?
00:14:28 Shit.
00:14:31 [Phone rings]
00:14:33 There's a runner in there with her, right? I'm not having a repeat of yesterday.
00:14:47 Relax, Dudley. I sent Mark ahead, I phoned him when we arrived, they're inside waiting for us.
00:14:52 Good.
00:14:53 So, there is of course another half to our couple.
00:14:58 Her name is Germaine and she is the face of the blind Kiwi dating service.
00:15:02 And maybe also its wings.
00:15:05 She is a model, which makes Randall one of the luckiest blind daters in the world.
00:15:12 But maybe there's more to her than meets the eye.
00:15:16 We're about to find out.
00:15:18 Hi, how are you?
00:15:23 Hi, is Germaine in?
00:15:25 Yeah, that's me.
00:15:27 I didn't recognise you without the...
00:15:30 Sorry, Germaine, has there been some miscommunication?
00:15:34 I thought you were expecting us at two?
00:15:36 Yeah, that's alright, come on in.
00:15:37 Yeah, do you want a minute to get ready?
00:15:39 No, I'm ready, I've been waiting for you.
00:15:41 Well, Germaine, you're a model, obviously.
00:15:55 Oh, God no. I did it for a while to pay off some of my student loan, but I absolutely hated it.
00:16:00 How strange. Why?
00:16:02 Well, for one thing, I hate wearing dresses or any kind of glamorous clothes.
00:16:07 You know, it's just not me. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.
00:16:11 And I realised that all of the clothes I was modelling were made in third world sweet shops.
00:16:15 If it wasn't clothes, it was mainly make-up.
00:16:18 The whole concept of which I find abhorrent.
00:16:21 Not to mention what was done to animals to make it.
00:16:25 I mean, after all my parents did to try and bring us up outside of that kind of a system,
00:16:30 I felt like I was slapping them in the face by engaging in that sort...
00:16:35 Sorry, I'm getting carried away. What was the question?
00:16:39 So where are you from?
00:16:42 I'm originally Coromandel, but I've lived in Wellington since I was 18.
00:16:46 I love it here.
00:16:47 Yeah, it's great.
00:16:49 Te Papa, the stadium, the Hurricanes, the Newtown under-18 netballers.
00:16:56 But what I love more than anything else is the Kore Rere stream.
00:17:01 The Korea stream? I'm not familiar with it.
00:17:06 I hate to tell you this, love, but if you're into boating, you really should be living in Auckland.
00:17:10 I'll get you a photo.
00:17:12 Dudley, would you mind asking Jermaine some relationship questions?
00:17:18 Yeah, I was just getting to that, eh?
00:17:21 Here. Isn't it beautiful?
00:17:28 We used to go camping there when I was a kid.
00:17:31 It actually might not be around for much longer, unless...
00:17:35 Oh, it's too bad.
00:17:37 So, what do you want from a relationship?
00:17:42 Hmm, let's see.
00:17:47 Well, I like my independence, so I wouldn't want someone too clingy.
00:17:51 I find people obsessed with money, shall we say, frustrating.
00:17:57 I'm fairly impulsive and don't like over-planning.
00:18:01 I really don't want to be part of someone else's life plan.
00:18:05 You know, I'm sick of all these insert girl hair guys who have the house and the car and now want the girl.
00:18:11 But most of all, I don't want to be someone's mother.
00:18:15 Slab!
00:18:17 Who the fuck left their phone on?
00:18:21 Talk to me. Hey, Dad.
00:18:24 Sure. It's for you.
00:18:27 Howard, Mr McKenzie. This is a surprise.
00:18:34 Hey, do you mind if I go to the loo?
00:18:36 No, no. Go right ahead.
00:18:38 A sponsor already? That's great news.
00:18:41 Yeah, I'm sure it'll look fantastic on her.
00:18:43 Look, we may have a bit of a situation here and I just wanted to let you know now in case it comes back to bite us later.
00:18:49 These two, they hate each other.
00:18:52 You'll never understand true hatred until you've filmed a beauty magazine.
00:18:55 No, they're cooperating fine.
00:18:57 It's just that I don't think we've got a compatible couple here.
00:19:01 See?
00:19:03 Sweet!
00:19:04 No, mate. Violet knows who's a slab. She fucked up a take.
00:19:09 Chuck him in my car, eh?
00:19:10 No, I don't think they'll make any kind of connection.
00:19:13 I mean, I'm happy to continue, of course, that's your call, but I think we should consider looking for a new couple.
00:19:18 So, you're Howard McKenzie's daughter?
00:19:22 Yeah. What about it?
00:19:25 Nothing.
00:19:26 Don't worry, we'll get you footage.
00:19:30 Great, great. I'll look forward to it.
00:19:39 Good news, everybody. We've got our first sponsor.
00:19:43 Praeline Aotearoa want to provide Jermaine's wardrobe. If all goes well, we can sell them the naming rights.
00:19:48 Wicked! They rock!
00:19:50 That's women's fashion? What about me?
00:19:53 Yeah, McKenzie's sorting that out as we speak. He's got a lot of big phone calls scheduled.
00:20:00 Jermaine, hon, things just got a whole lot better for you.
00:20:07 What were you planning on wearing tomorrow night?
00:20:10 I hadn't really thought about it. Jeans and a t-shirt, probably.
00:20:13 Well, how would you like to wear a dress by Praeline Aotearoa?
00:20:17 No thanks. Like I said, I'm not really into dresses. I'll just stick with my jeans.
00:20:21 I'll wear it. Shut up, Violet. I'm sure that you could keep it afterwards.
00:20:25 Thanks, but no thanks.
00:20:26 Seriously, chuck it this way.
00:20:28 Violet, you're not helping.
00:20:30 You want to be on TV, right?
00:20:34 Yeah.
00:20:35 Of course you do. That's why most people do these things. Their reasons may be different, but at the end of the day, they all just want to be on telly.
00:20:42 What's your point?
00:20:43 To be quite honest, Jermaine, we had a lot of women lined up who would love the chance to wear a Praeline Aotearoa dress if we were to choose them.
00:20:52 I like you, Jermaine. You're easily the smartest, most articulate of the women that we've filmed, and I would love to put you on TV.
00:21:02 But sponsorship deals, they're out of my hands. And if you refuse to wear this dress tomorrow night, we'll have to go with somebody else. I'm sorry.
00:21:12 [Music]
00:21:34 Jermaine, it is my job and my pleasure to introduce you to Randall.
00:21:41 Hi, Randall. How are you?
00:21:44 Jermaine, is it? Wow. Um, hi.
00:21:49 Sorry. It's just that you look like a younger version of my mother.
00:21:54 You look beautiful.
00:21:56 [Music]
00:22:22 What are your vegetarian dishes?
00:22:24 We have a range of vegetarian pasta dishes and salads in this column here.
00:22:28 These are all tomato based, aren't they?
00:22:31 That's right, ma'am.
00:22:33 I don't suppose you know if the tomatoes are genetically engineered or not, do you? Most are.
00:22:38 No, I'm afraid I don't. I don't order the food.
00:22:42 The chef doesn't make a point of buying organic veggies, though.
00:22:45 No, he doesn't.
00:22:46 [Music]
00:22:49 This is awkward. Sorry to be a pain, guys.
00:22:55 What about your soup?
00:22:57 Soup of the day is creme du canard.
00:22:59 What's that?
00:23:00 Duck.
00:23:02 Can you eat bread?
00:23:04 Yeah, but I don't really trust the wheat.
00:23:10 Oh, well, why not live a little? How about some garlic bread?
00:23:15 One garlic bread. And you, sir?
00:23:20 You guys are picking up the tab, right?
00:23:22 Yes, but that doesn't mean...
00:23:23 What's your most expensive dish?
00:23:25 Ah, that would be the vermicelli ala monterelloni uccelli.
00:23:27 What's that?
00:23:28 Duck. Yes, it is the season, sir.
00:23:31 Sounds fantastic. One of those, please.
00:23:33 Wait a sec.
00:23:34 And a drink?
00:23:35 A bottle of your most expensive wine.
00:23:37 Hold it. Cut.
00:23:39 [Music]
00:23:42 And yet people talk about live webcasts as though they're a modern idea,
00:23:46 when as early as 1880, rich telephone operators were paying theatre employees to hold a phone receiver backstage
00:23:53 so they could hear the opera from the comfort of their own homes.
00:23:58 Wow. That really surprises me.
00:24:02 Hey, do you know if they ever used remu locks for telegraph poles here?
00:24:07 Oh, unfortunately, New Zealand telecommunications history isn't easily accessible.
00:24:12 But I believe remu would be a good wood to use, whatever your polling needs.
00:24:17 I really love remu trees.
00:24:19 Have you ever been to the Kaurerere stream?
00:24:22 No, I can't say that I have.
00:24:25 It's one of my favourite places in the world, and there's a remu grove there.
00:24:29 You'd really like it.
00:24:31 I've got quite a collection of remu furniture.
00:24:35 Hey, I know where I recognise you from. You used to be on Lotto, didn't you?
00:24:39 No, I was the economics correspondent on the news.
00:24:42 I thought they got the weather guy to do that.
00:24:44 He replaced me.
00:24:45 Yeah, they restructured and made him redundant.
00:24:48 Oh, no. You must be bitter.
00:24:51 No, no, I totally understand their reasons for restructuring, and I respect their decision.
00:24:56 I always wondered if they actually used economists.
00:24:58 Sometimes I get the impression they just use front men or women
00:25:01 who have fed a dumbed-down version of information they don't understand
00:25:04 and attempt to make complex issues seem accessible and down-to-earth.
00:25:08 Well, that's the way it is now. You can get with me.
00:25:13 Really?
00:25:14 No.
00:25:15 So, do you ascribe to the economic thinking of Philip Van Parijs?
00:25:20 Or are you more of a Milton Friedmanist?
00:25:23 I'm going to be the next Simon Barnett.
00:25:30 So in response, they came out with a limited edition Azure coloured model.
00:25:34 I love Azure. It reminds me of the deeper parts of the Korerere stream.
00:25:40 You don't say.
00:25:41 Yeah, it's quite tragic actually.
00:25:43 Unless something's done in the next few months, it'll pretty much cease to exist.
00:25:46 Yeah? You mean like the pole-mounted ceramic payphone?
00:25:50 I guess.
00:25:53 Anyway, the Parahehe Dam will be finished construction soon.
00:25:57 That's upstream damming the Waiwai River that feeds the Korerere stream.
00:26:01 And you're against the Hydro Dam project?
00:26:05 I'm not fond of it, but it is better than another fossil fuel power station.
00:26:09 What concerns me is that the City Council Ecology Impact Report
00:26:13 recommend that the stream provide a controlled, comparable flow to Korerere
00:26:17 because without it, the stream will dry up, which will destroy the delicate ecosystem.
00:26:22 Not only that, but the stream naturally irrigates a stand of Rimu trees there.
00:26:27 It's unknown how many of them will survive when they're at least 300 years old.
00:26:32 Oh, that's terrible.
00:26:34 Yeah, and they could stop it quite easily if they provide the controlled flow.
00:26:38 It only costs an extra $100,000.
00:26:41 Only $100,000?
00:26:43 That's nothing when the whole dam costs $37 million.
00:26:47 Can I get you some coffee or tea?
00:26:49 I don't suppose it's ethically grown fair trade coffee?
00:26:53 I don't suppose so, no.
00:26:56 You should really order some from East Timor.
00:26:59 They deserve all the support we can give them.
00:27:02 Maybe it's time for the ballet.
00:27:05 Certainly.
00:27:06 Can I give you a card here?
00:27:07 Oh, but of course.
00:27:08 It's all right, Anne. I've got it.
00:27:11 I'm sorry, sir, but we do not accept library cards.
00:27:18 [Laughter]
00:27:24 [Heavy breathing]
00:27:35 This radio mic's really uncomfortable.
00:27:38 Do you think that violet girl knows what she's doing?
00:27:41 Not really. Mine's poking me in the throat. I can't be in the right place.
00:27:47 Well, this is me.
00:27:50 Looks nice.
00:27:52 Yeah, I like it.
00:27:55 Well, I'd better hit the sack. I've got a big day tomorrow.
00:28:00 It was really nice meeting you, Randall. I had a good time tonight.
00:28:06 Yeah, me too.
00:28:09 [Squeaking]
00:28:22 [Heavy breathing]
00:28:34 First dates are always hard.
00:28:38 Usually you know you like someone before you go on the date.
00:28:42 But with blind dates, you don't know until afterwards if you like them.
00:28:45 And it may be months before you find out if they like you.
00:28:48 I know I'm not the only one that's gone through whole relationships before I realised I just didn't like her.
00:28:55 Randall and Germaine must decide today if they like each other or they were just being polite.
00:29:01 We're with them at their workplace in what could be our last discussions with the intrepid duo.
00:29:08 No, I'm not trying to sell you anything.
00:29:12 Hello?
00:29:14 Randall, you're a telemarketer. Tell us a bit about your job. What do you sell?
00:29:22 Well, we use the term "desire gauges" and I don't actually sell anything.
00:29:28 I gauge the desire of our pre-clients and set up sit-downs between them and sales brokers.
00:29:36 They do the selling.
00:29:38 How much do you earn for these phone calls?
00:29:43 Well, it's commission based. I get 10%.
00:29:46 Of what?
00:29:47 Of the sale broker's commission.
00:29:50 You get a commission of someone else's commission?
00:29:54 And why do you work from home?
00:29:57 Well, I'm making toll calls.
00:30:00 To keep overheads down and product prices low, when we're making national and overseas toll calls,
00:30:06 we do it from home and absorb the toll prices ourselves.
00:30:09 It's a team effort and an investment if you think about it.
00:30:13 [Phone rings]
00:30:15 Hello and welcome to Dayton and Werner. You're speaking to Randall. How may I help you?
00:30:21 Dudley, are you planning to ask him about Germaine any time soon?
00:30:25 Yes, Mr Werner.
00:30:26 Don't tell me how to do my job, eh?
00:30:28 Sorry, sir.
00:30:29 It's called direction.
00:30:31 I should get back to work.
00:30:35 It was my boss asking why I hadn't made any calls in the last two minutes.
00:30:39 Psst. Paved.
00:30:45 Hi, my name's Randall. I'm calling on behalf of Dayton and Werner. How are you?
00:30:54 And you play it all in real time, eh?
00:30:57 I hope it's a Kirk and Lutely.
00:31:00 The Great Depression is over a decade of high-strategy, real-time gameplay.
00:31:05 We're linked to fellow depressors all over the world.
00:31:09 I'm going to try and steal his ration book.
00:31:12 James T. Kirk!
00:31:17 What happened?
00:31:20 Picard beat me to it.
00:31:23 Do you think it's really Patrick Stewart?
00:31:26 Ugh!
00:31:28 He's way too cool for that.
00:31:32 You, however, are stupid and uncool.
00:31:36 You were the last five minutes in the Babylon 5 universe.
00:31:41 Probably Mark Hamill.
00:31:47 [typing]
00:31:49 Mark, coffee!
00:31:57 And I'll rarely talk to your husband.
00:32:04 Petruger?
00:32:06 Hello?
00:32:07 Lincoln Chin.
00:32:08 That sounds like Chin.
00:32:10 You alright?
00:32:11 Yep. Just doing some cutaways.
00:32:14 How do you do that?
00:32:16 No, I'm sure what you're suggesting is completely illegal.
00:32:19 No, I'm hanging up. I'm hanging up. Goodbye!
00:32:23 Randall.
00:32:25 What did you think of Germaine?
00:32:28 Well, I thought she was great.
00:32:30 Sometimes I find it really hard talking to new people, but we really clicked.
00:32:34 Every time I offered a new subject of conversation, she'd just roll with it and go in all sorts of different directions.
00:32:40 Yeah, she seemed really interested in everything I had to say.
00:32:44 Yeah, she's cool.
00:32:46 So you want to keep going and see what happens?
00:32:50 Oh, definitely.
00:32:52 I thought she might like it if I made a donation to that river thing she's into.
00:32:57 Surely there must be some sort of Save the River Fund or something.
00:33:00 If I gave you guys five bucks, would you be able to find out where to send it?
00:33:05 Yeah, sure.
00:33:09 [Phone rings]
00:33:11 Hello and welcome to Dayton and Werner. You're speaking with Randall. How may I help you?
00:33:16 Yes, Mr Werner?
00:33:18 No, surely that isn't necessary.
00:33:22 Well, couldn't you dock my pay like last time?
00:33:25 No, that sounds more than fair.
00:33:29 I should get back to work.
00:33:37 [Train sounds]
00:33:41 We've all seen guys get their hopes up, only to have them dashed on the rocks of unrequited love.
00:33:48 It's all up to Jemaine now.
00:33:51 Will Randall's dreams come true, or will she crush his little heart?
00:33:57 Jemaine, honey, tell me, of all the crazy important things in the world to get upset about,
00:34:04 why do you get passionate about a stream?
00:34:07 Believe me, I get upset and passionate about all sorts of things.
00:34:11 Take death, for instance.
00:34:14 Quarantinity is one of the least of my worries, but you've got to pick your battles.
00:34:18 I thought long and hard about what I should and shouldn't talk to Randall about,
00:34:22 because activism can be intimidating if it's piled on all at once.
00:34:25 I also wanted to be careful about what I said so I couldn't be edited to sound like a new age flake.
00:34:31 And there's a chance that a lot of people watching this will be exposed to some ideas for the first time,
00:34:36 so I'd rather they were exposed to issues they could do something about, rather than abstract economic philosophy.
00:34:42 [Phone rings]
00:34:44 Excuse me.
00:34:45 [Phone rings]
00:34:49 Hello, Trade Aid?
00:34:51 Yeah, she is, hang on.
00:34:54 Anne, it's for you.
00:34:56 Aye.
00:35:00 Anne here.
00:35:01 Mr Mackenzie.
00:35:03 Yeah, I asked her to turn it off while we were shooting.
00:35:07 Is that really necessary?
00:35:11 Okay, I suppose it's not a problem.
00:35:15 Yeah, we're filming her at her work.
00:35:19 No.
00:35:22 Just sort of casual clothes.
00:35:25 That is not the arrangement we discussed.
00:35:30 [Clicks]
00:35:32 I suppose so.
00:35:35 They only supplied us with one outfit.
00:35:37 Consider it done.
00:35:41 [Beeps]
00:35:43 This is unfair.
00:35:47 Just think about the stream, Germaine.
00:35:50 You're doing it for the stream.
00:35:52 This is the last time.
00:35:54 Germaine, what did you think of Randall?
00:35:57 Did he, um, get your motor running?
00:36:00 Or was the fan belt broken?
00:36:03 He seemed like a nice guy.
00:36:06 I kind of dominated the conversation a bit, so I can't say I really got to know him.
00:36:11 We should talk again and see what happens.
00:36:13 Now is the moment of truth.
00:36:22 Randall has been psyching himself up all day.
00:36:25 And now he's ready to find out if he has the guts to ask Germaine out on a date we didn't set up.
00:36:31 She may say no, but at least then, in his loneliness, he'll know he wasn't a quitter.
00:36:38 Come on, Randall.
00:36:43 You can do this.
00:36:45 I'm just hoping that for the first time since the great Alexander Bell died,
00:36:50 that the entire phone network is experiencing a minute's silence.
00:36:54 For fuck's sake, Randall. This is the third time I've interrupted you.
00:36:58 Now just ask her out so we can all go home.
00:37:01 I can't believe he made such a generous donation to the Save the Quiddity Stream Fund.
00:37:06 Yeah, I think he likes you.
00:37:07 But $500? I kind of feel bad about that.
00:37:10 Didn't look like he had much money.
00:37:12 Hello?
00:37:14 $500? What the fuck?
00:37:16 He only gave us five.
00:37:18 Oh, hi Dudley.
00:37:19 Oh, well, Dan might have beefed it up a bit. You know, helps me with things alone.
00:37:23 Jeans and a t-shirt?
00:37:25 You what?
00:37:26 Randall has something he wants to ask you.
00:37:29 Hi.
00:37:31 Hi, Randall. Look, it was really nice of you to make the donation.
00:37:36 Oh, that's cool. It was nothing really.
00:37:38 It was very generous.
00:37:40 Look, I hope you didn't feel I was pressuring you.
00:37:42 No, it's not pressure.
00:37:45 Well, if you're sure. It'll make a huge difference to our work. Thank you.
00:37:51 Do you, um, maybe want to, um, I don't know, forget about it. It's silly.
00:37:58 Ow!
00:38:00 Do you want to go out again?
00:38:01 Yeah.
00:38:02 That's okay. Look, like I said, it was silly.
00:38:05 Hold on. Did you say yes?
00:38:08 Sure, that sounds great.
00:38:09 What do you want to do?
00:38:11 Um, hold on a sec. What should we do? I didn't think she'd say yes.
00:38:15 Oh, she's smart. The museum. There's an exhibit of modern architecture. New Zealand stuff. She'll like it.
00:38:20 Do you want to go to the museum? There's an exhibition on modern New Zealand architecture.
00:38:25 Ha ha ha ha! That's funny.
00:38:29 But seriously, what are we going to do?
00:38:34 I'm out of ideas. Is there anything you've always wanted to do on a date? They're paying for it.
00:38:40 Oh, look, how about a picnic at the Franz Joseph Glacier?
00:38:45 Okay. Well, that was going to be my next suggestion. Where is that again?
00:38:52 Look, we could do a day trip. Fly down in the morning, take a helicopter up to the top, have a picnic and fly back in the afternoon.
00:39:00 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back the helicopter up, honey. Our budget does not cover adventure tourism.
00:39:05 It's got to be something we can film easily.
00:39:07 Now the most adventurous thing you two will be doing is watching an action movie on video.
00:39:11 Anne says we can get out of video.
00:39:16 Well, that could also be fun.
00:39:20 She sounds horrible. How'd you break up in the end?
00:39:27 She dumped me and repainted the house.
00:39:29 This is getting ridiculous. What sort of sponsor provides only one outfit?
00:39:33 That's a nice watch, is it not?
00:39:36 Yeah, and who's making this documentary? Praline Atiro or Anne Rata?
00:39:40 I've had it since I was ten. I've only taken it off three times since my mother gave it to me.
00:39:44 Mama's boy.
00:39:45 That's so sweet. It must be pretty waterproof to handle 15 years worth of showers.
00:39:49 Sadly, no. The three times I took it off was to get it fixed, but now it's permanently broken.
00:39:54 All I'm saying is get her another outfit. I'll settle for a poncho and a beanie.
00:39:57 That's funny.
00:39:58 Yeah, hasn't told the time since June 1993.
00:40:01 Is that the last time you said no to your mother?
00:40:04 No.
00:40:06 I do feel that they're taking it in a different direction to mine.
00:40:09 My mum bought my dad a watch for their anniversary last week. It's got a pearl in it because of their 30th anniversary.
00:40:15 Oh yeah? Can I get a lemonade?
00:40:17 Of course I'm playing on the same team as you. You have my word as an employee.
00:40:22 Can you imagine being married for 30 years?
00:40:25 I think it's amazing that I've managed with all us kids. It's pretty cool actually.
00:40:30 Yeah.
00:40:34 Violet, your father says hi.
00:40:37 Oh, cheers.
00:40:38 So, why do you still wear that watch?
00:40:42 Oh, general principle. Now that it's broken, it doesn't matter how wet it gets.
00:40:46 So how do you tell the time?
00:40:48 See, this one works fine.
00:40:52 What, Jits?
00:40:54 Sorry, sorry. Look, the lemonade was wet.
00:40:57 A bit too strong for you, was it Dudley?
00:40:59 Jermaine, there's some toilets out the back if you want to dry off. I'm really sorry about that.
00:41:04 Yeah, thanks.
00:41:05 Oh, Randall, you choose the video. Whatever you pick will be fine.
00:41:09 OK. My lemonade is not wet.
00:41:12 Hey, Violet, can I ask your advice?
00:41:15 Yeah. You might want to try something different with your hair.
00:41:18 No, no, no. It's not that. You're a girl, right?
00:41:21 Yeah.
00:41:22 What video should I choose? What do you think Jermaine would like?
00:41:25 Oh, easy. Get the stuffiest romance thing you can find.
00:41:28 Something where the girl gets totally swept off her feet. She'll love it.
00:41:31 Great. Like what?
00:41:34 Let's see if I've got Pride and Prejudice.
00:41:38 Hey, here it is.
00:41:46 Nah, get this version.
00:41:49 It tastes better. I saw it like five times in the cinema.
00:41:52 You'll have it eating out of your hand.
00:41:54 Great. Thanks, Violet.
00:41:57 So what did you get?
00:42:04 Oh, Pride and Prejudice.
00:42:05 Oh, what? Get the Colin Firth version.
00:42:07 Uh, no. Freddie Prinze Jr.
00:42:12 [Violet laughing]
00:42:17 I need a drink.
00:42:40 I'm going to get Elizabeth for my wife.
00:42:42 Gosh.
00:42:43 No, Wickham. I could never love a man who played such a nasty trick.
00:42:47 Poor Darcy told me what you did.
00:42:50 First you spiked the punch, and then he had to go through the entire ball with a woodpecker in his trousers.
00:42:56 I feel funny.
00:42:57 And it hurt to walk for a week.
00:42:59 I'm covering my finger on it, but something's not right.
00:43:01 It almost ruined his good name.
00:43:03 [phone ringing]
00:43:06 And it hurt him to walk for a week.
00:43:09 [phone ringing]
00:43:18 Hello?
00:43:19 Oh, hi Mrs. Thudderst.
00:43:21 Yeah, I'll just get him for you.
00:43:23 Number one, supreme leader.
00:43:25 Hi, Mum.
00:43:35 [crying]
00:43:38 Oscar, give me a drink.
00:43:41 Oh, now's not really a good time, Mum.
00:43:44 Is there any proof you're here?
00:43:46 Oscar!
00:43:50 What?
00:43:51 No, of course you're more important to me than that.
00:43:53 How?
00:43:54 Your bullet hit my Bible, which I carry over my heart.
00:43:58 Oscar, don't make me Vulcan Neck grip you again.
00:44:01 Mr. Wickham, now let me ask you.
00:44:04 How much of a religious man do you feel you are?
00:44:08 [crying]
00:44:10 Mum, I love you the most.
00:44:12 Philadelphia truly is the city of love.
00:44:15 Yes, it is.
00:44:17 And who would have thought that a bleeding corpse could bring such happiness?
00:44:22 Truly such happiness.
00:44:24 That's Steve Hedlund!
00:44:27 He was on episode B-19 of Star Trek Voyager.
00:44:29 Police aren't pressing charges.
00:44:32 You played Mulder's adopted twin brother's clone in the X-Files episode Little Nemo wrote.
00:44:36 If I don't do this, your little munchkin won't be on the TV.
00:44:39 You left your reoccurring role on Deep Space Nine to pursue a movie career?
00:44:44 Traitor!
00:44:48 Yes, Mum.
00:44:50 I know my labour was painful.
00:44:52 You make me sick!
00:44:55 Yes, Mum.
00:44:59 I know.
00:45:00 23 hours.
00:45:02 Yeah, I'm really lucky you survived.
00:45:05 [crying]
00:45:07 Wasn't that just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
00:45:15 Mum, do you want grandchildren?
00:45:17 Thanks.
00:45:18 Yeah, 20 minutes tops.
00:45:20 That was the best movie I've seen in ages.
00:45:29 Sorry, I dropped some popcorn there before.
00:45:32 Movie over?
00:45:34 Oh yeah, do you want to rewind and watch The Last Bit again?
00:45:36 No, that's fine.
00:45:37 Hey, Jermaine, do you want to go get some ice cream, curl up in blankets at my place,
00:45:41 and watch Steel Magnolia's The Director's Cut?
00:45:43 Is it as good as this one?
00:45:44 Better. I've got it on DVD and there's an extra two hours.
00:45:47 Sounds great. Random?
00:45:50 No, I'd better not. I've got to make some calls.
00:45:52 You sure?
00:45:53 Yeah.
00:45:55 You guys can go.
00:45:57 Can I come?
00:45:59 Yeah, sure you can.
00:46:01 Violet! Get back here, you fucking sound gear, you stupid bitch!
00:46:17 Lily?
00:46:21 You'll never survive out there without me.
00:46:26 You alright, Random?
00:46:28 My watch.
00:46:30 Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I think Jermaine's still on it.
00:46:37 We'll get you a new one.
00:46:40 Mum's going to kill me.
00:46:42 Sports Cut? Are we going to get any sponsorship that involves me?
00:46:47 Yeah, if you couldn't drive a bus into a wall.
00:46:52 [car screeches]
00:46:55 Well, the ball is well and truly rolling and love is in the air.
00:47:16 The third date is about to begin and I think Randall has to ask himself one question.
00:47:22 Does he feel lucky?
00:47:24 Well, do ya?
00:47:26 What's up, Randall?
00:47:30 Oh, God, what am I going to do?
00:47:32 About what?
00:47:34 Well, Mum keeps bugging me to get married and settle down.
00:47:37 She thinks I'm too old to be playing the field.
00:47:39 I thought that's what I wanted too, but after Jermaine started talking about marriage,
00:47:43 I don't know, I guess it's the first time that's really seemed like a reality.
00:47:50 I don't know if it's what I want.
00:47:54 Want a warm milk?
00:47:55 Oh, that'd be great, yeah.
00:47:57 Oh, get out of shot, will ya?
00:48:00 Go on!
00:48:02 White with one, coffee for me.
00:48:07 So, Jermaine's talking marriage, eh?
00:48:10 She wants to get married for 30 years and have heaps of kids.
00:48:13 Oh, this is too much pressure.
00:48:16 I really don't know if it's what I want.
00:48:18 Is it what you want?
00:48:19 I don't know.
00:48:21 And then she broke my watch.
00:48:24 I don't think I can stay with a watchbreaker.
00:48:26 And it's affecting my work too.
00:48:28 Yesterday, I only managed to hitch up 150 sit-downs.
00:48:32 That's right, I'll be earning less than a nurse.
00:48:35 Maybe it'd be easier if she dumped me.
00:48:38 Do you mean you dump her?
00:48:40 Oh, I don't think I could do that.
00:48:42 But I'm pretty sure I could make her dump me.
00:48:44 That's really your decision to make, Randall.
00:48:46 But I want you to know that whatever you decide, we'll be there to film it.
00:48:50 Oh, um, Anne, I almost forgot.
00:48:52 Mackenzie wanted me to give you these.
00:48:55 What are they?
00:48:56 Oh, I don't know, he mentioned something about script pages,
00:48:58 the footage he wants today, where he wants the relationship to go,
00:49:01 something like that.
00:49:03 What?
00:49:04 What is this shit?
00:49:06 Now he's trying to control the relationship.
00:49:08 One kiss, two handholds, and a cliffhanger aiming so we can cut to an ad break.
00:49:15 The whole point of a documentary is that you document things.
00:49:22 It's not called a manipulatory or a fictionary, it's a fucking documentary.
00:49:27 Anne, I think you're overreacting.
00:49:29 Let's just give Mackenzie what he wants.
00:49:31 If they kiss, film it.
00:49:33 If they hold hands, for fuck's sake, film it.
00:49:35 If there is a cliffhanger and we don't get it on camera,
00:49:37 then somebody is going to lose an eye.
00:49:39 But we do not change the course of the date.
00:49:43 I'm going to do it.
00:49:45 She's going to dump me.
00:49:46 Oh yeah, how are you planning to do that?
00:49:48 Well, so far Jermaine's only seen one side of me,
00:49:50 the caring, sensitive, reliable Randall.
00:49:53 The side that Mum taught me to show women.
00:49:56 It's no wonder she wants to marry me.
00:49:58 But there's a side of me that nobody's seen, not even Mum.
00:50:02 It's the rugged, rough, Randall the loner.
00:50:06 And once Jermaine sees that side of me,
00:50:09 she'll have no choice but to dump me.
00:50:12 I know it's going to be really hard for her,
00:50:14 but I think it's best for both of us.
00:50:17 Hi Randall.
00:50:24 Come on, let's go.
00:50:25 Yeah.
00:50:26 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:50:30 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:50:33 Mark, get it out.
00:50:58 Get it out.
00:50:59 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:51:02 When the Parahehe Dam is finished construction,
00:51:16 it will completely stop the flow of Koredere
00:51:18 and dry up the stream bed.
00:51:21 Unless, of course, we can make them adjust their plans.
00:51:25 It's a bit of a tiddler, isn't it?
00:51:28 That's exactly the point.
00:51:29 It would make such a small change in the volume of water
00:51:32 they'll have flowing through the dam,
00:51:33 they act as if it'll ruin the whole project.
00:51:37 It's all pretty ugly, if you ask me.
00:51:39 Absolutely.
00:51:40 The dam's horrible.
00:51:42 Even for a dam, Parahehe's dam ugly.
00:51:46 If you'll excuse the pun.
00:51:49 I've got so many childhood memories
00:51:51 associated with this place.
00:51:54 It conjures up images of family and community in me.
00:51:58 This inspires images of solitude in me.
00:52:01 Sometimes my father would go off by himself.
00:52:03 He'd just disappear.
00:52:05 Sometimes he'd be gone for weeks.
00:52:08 It's at times like this that I understand him.
00:52:11 Just buggering off without telling anyone
00:52:13 sounds very peaceful sometimes.
00:52:15 Wow, that sounds fantastic.
00:52:16 I can so relate to that.
00:52:18 You just want to step out of society for a while
00:52:21 and be by yourself in the bush.
00:52:23 Just you and nature.
00:52:25 I try and do it whenever I can.
00:52:27 Just me, a blanket and a bag of squaggan.
00:52:31 When it comes down to it, you know,
00:52:32 at the end of the day, all I care about is myself.
00:52:36 What I do is important.
00:52:38 I don't care about anyone else.
00:52:40 It's all about me.
00:52:42 The personal is political, you're so right.
00:52:45 I mean, you can talk all you like,
00:52:47 argue, campaign, sign petitions,
00:52:50 but when you actually live your life as a statement,
00:52:54 it forces people to look at their own lives.
00:52:58 Is this wall really worth it?
00:53:00 I mean, come on, this place is history.
00:53:03 Yeah, this place is history.
00:53:06 New Zealand should know its history
00:53:08 and preserve the few remaining patches of native bush we have.
00:53:16 Touching trees can be almost spiritual sometimes, can't it?
00:53:20 How's this for spiritual?
00:53:37 You shame me, Randall.
00:53:42 All these weeds should be ripped out.
00:53:44 All the endemic plants should be left growing.
00:53:46 If we're going to save the Korerere stream,
00:53:48 we should do it properly.
00:53:51 I think I might just spend a little time on my own now.
00:53:58 This is such a perfect site to meditate alone
00:54:08 while you take in the beauty.
00:54:13 And yet, if we don't do something to save this stream,
00:54:17 it could be lost forever.
00:54:20 I don't know what to do about Randall.
00:54:27 I honestly never thought I'd get anything personally useful out of this,
00:54:31 but I really like him.
00:54:33 I just thought it would be geeks and losers who used a dating service,
00:54:37 but at Korerere I realised he's something special.
00:54:41 I guess he's just a bit shy.
00:54:43 I know he's been busy at work.
00:54:45 He quit. He wasn't returning our calls.
00:54:48 We called his work and his boss told us he's quit.
00:54:51 Really?
00:54:52 Any time I try and ring him at home,
00:54:54 his flatmates say he's not on the bridge or something about a wormhole.
00:54:57 I don't know, I think it's some sort of a code.
00:54:59 But it's been over a week.
00:55:01 Oh, well, there's nothing.
00:55:03 This is just the way guys relate to women.
00:55:06 I sometimes go months without talking to girlfriends.
00:55:11 I think I must have upset him.
00:55:14 I don't know how, but I want to get him something to apologise.
00:55:17 Maybe it'll go nowhere, but maybe it will.
00:55:20 I don't want to miss my chance.
00:55:22 Do you guys know what I might have done or how I could make it up to him?
00:55:27 I'm sorry, Germaine, but we can't give you that kind of information.
00:55:32 I mean, this is something the two of you should sort out.
00:55:36 Please?
00:55:39 [phone rings]
00:55:41 Hello? Oh, hi, Carl.
00:55:44 You all know how I feel about getting involved in the relationship,
00:55:47 but we need an ending.
00:55:50 No, Saturday's GE free day, Thursday's the peace vigil.
00:55:53 Well, they've got to get together. It's the only way.
00:55:56 The International Bolshevik Tendency are painting banners,
00:55:59 Wellington Trotsky Collective are printing leaflets.
00:56:02 Under no circumstances do you let them in the same room as each other.
00:56:05 Look, I don't care if they're getting married or killing each other at the end of this,
00:56:09 but we need something definite.
00:56:12 I mean, it's all too anticlimactic.
00:56:15 I could never make this work in the edit.
00:56:17 Well, Nicky should be keen, but you'll have to talk to him in person.
00:56:20 He's too paranoid to talk on the phone.
00:56:22 Well, if you really don't care, then help her out.
00:56:25 Germaine wants Randall, Randall wants Germaine.
00:56:28 Only he's too chicken to admit it.
00:56:30 They'll be happy.
00:56:32 And if you remember today's script pages, McKenzie wants them to get together.
00:56:37 And if he's happy, we're happy.
00:56:40 It's a win-win, win-win situation.
00:56:44 Cool. I'll see you at the cenotaph.
00:56:47 So I was thinking flowers. Would he like that?
00:56:55 No, no, no, no. No, he's a guy.
00:56:58 Give him something manly, like a drill.
00:57:01 I once got sent a toaster.
00:57:04 He was a really nice guy. I should have gone out with him.
00:57:08 Get him a phone.
00:57:11 What?
00:57:13 He's a telephile. I mean, he'd love it.
00:57:15 I can't get him a phone.
00:57:17 There couldn't be a worse present for a telemarketer who just quit his job.
00:57:21 Hey, I've got it.
00:57:30 Look alive.
00:57:32 This is a rock I found at Korerere. He'll love it.
00:57:36 Can you give it to him for me please?
00:57:39 Yeah, yeah, sure Germaine.
00:57:44 Let it be my pleasure.
00:57:47 I took your advice, Ed. I've started standing up for myself.
00:57:53 I quit my job, I told my mum to give me some space,
00:57:57 and I've been doing some soul-searching.
00:58:00 Good on you, Randall. I'm pleased to hear it.
00:58:02 Sorry if I was avoiding you. I was just finding my heat, if you know what I mean.
00:58:08 So, who do you think's going to win Survivor?
00:58:12 I've no idea.
00:58:14 But I did figure out what I want from a relationship.
00:58:17 Great. And what's that?
00:58:19 Well, I don't want to be pushed around anymore and made to fit someone else's idea of who I should be.
00:58:24 I just want someone who understands me and will accept me for who I am.
00:58:29 And I learned to say no.
00:58:32 Open the present, Randall.
00:58:35 No. See?
00:58:37 I was just kidding.
00:58:41 We were suggesting some possible gifts that Germaine could get you,
00:58:44 but ultimately she wanted to get you something personal and from her.
00:58:48 So she got you this.
00:58:51 Oh.
00:58:53 Mum's the only one that's ever got me a phone before.
00:59:16 Obviously it's a bit old.
00:59:18 No, no. It's perfect.
00:59:22 I can restore it.
00:59:46 How do you know they're going to be here?
00:59:48 We sort of tapped their phones.
00:59:50 Bugging their phones, isn't that a tad extreme? For one thing it's illegal.
00:59:54 Hey, shh. Here they come.
00:59:56 And filming them without permission?
00:59:59 Drop it, Irina.
01:00:01 Irina.
01:00:03 Yeah, just do your fucking job, Irina.
01:00:06 I'd prefer not to see Van Damme's face, Kicker.
01:00:11 I'm not saying you can't choose the movie. I'm just saying you can't choose that one.
01:00:15 OK. Desert Killer it is then.
01:00:17 Oh.
01:00:18 What?
01:00:19 Nothing.
01:00:20 No, it's completely realistic.
01:00:31 Stallone would have survived that airstrike.
01:00:33 I mean, they don't just bomb everywhere these days, you know.
01:00:35 They have special smart bombs that only kill soldiers.
01:00:39 You say the funniest thing sometimes.
01:00:42 What gets me is how they were claiming it was anti-war.
01:00:44 I mean, first of all, the heroes invaded the country they were fighting in.
01:00:48 Second, they were waving their flags about clearly assuming an imperialistic cultural dominance.
01:00:52 And then they sold their conflict by military means.
01:00:55 I mean, that by its very definition is pro-war.
01:00:57 I just thought it was a good action film.
01:00:59 Hey, what do you think you're doing?
01:01:03 Oh, it's just scratching your honest.
01:01:05 I mean her. She's recording us.
01:01:07 Um, uh-huh. It wasn't my idea.
01:01:09 Could use a little help here, Ian.
01:01:11 I've been recording everything we've been saying.
01:01:13 You weren't filming us during the movie, were you?
01:01:15 It was a night vision camera that can see things in the dark.
01:01:18 Um, ask Dudley.
01:01:20 Here we are on the fourth day.
01:01:22 Randall and Germaine have decided to make a go of it.
01:01:24 Randall survived the chick flick, and now Germaine has endured the "inspired by real events Stallone" vehicle.
01:01:29 A true test of any relationship.
01:01:31 I'm holding it, Kat!
01:01:32 This is an invasion of our privacy!
01:01:34 I'm sorry, guys. You don't have any privacy.
01:01:36 You signed a contract that stated we could film you while you were dating.
01:01:39 That includes all contact you two had, going to the movies, phone conversations.
01:01:43 We even had the right to film you in the bedroom if we want to.
01:01:45 We've been taping our phone conversations!
01:01:47 I can't believe you're in bed!
01:01:48 I'm going to sue you. The people I know, this could be very embarrassing for you!
01:01:52 Who do you think can afford the best lawyer?
01:01:54 Look, let's just calm down, Germaine. We don't want to upset you.
01:01:57 We need to finish our show, and you two are making it really difficult.
01:02:00 How much longer are we allowed to film it for?
01:02:02 Five days and one interview.
01:02:04 This is our fourth date, right? And you're allowed our fifth date and an interview.
01:02:07 But we need a climax. Then the two of you together, preferably.
01:02:11 Excuse me?
01:02:12 Yeah, and McKenzie has first right of refusal on any tell-all books you may write about your experience.
01:02:16 I want this over with as quickly as possible.
01:02:18 Randall, when's our next date?
01:02:19 I'm going to go out tomorrow morning with some friends at six. Do you want to come?
01:02:22 Perfect. We can do the interview after so it'll all be over with lunch.
01:02:25 Yeah, that's doable.
01:02:27 God, I've got to get out of here!
01:02:29 Randall, I'll see you at your place at six.
01:02:31 Okay. See you later, Germaine.
01:02:35 Ah. See you guys at six o'clock in the morning.
01:02:39 How am I going to edit this into a watchable documentary?
01:02:43 Oh my gosh.
01:02:54 So where are we off to?
01:02:57 It's duck hunting season.
01:02:59 And you think this is a good way to impress Germaine?
01:03:02 Yeah, she'll like it. She's into animals and nature, right?
01:03:05 Oh, of course. So where are these friends you mentioned?
01:03:09 Oh, look, that's full on through.
01:03:11 Well, Oscar hasn't been seen since that video night.
01:03:14 I guess he's found something more interesting to do than play virtual depression.
01:03:18 Ian hasn't been handling it very well, though.
01:03:21 His depressing character took Oscar's cyber gin ration and has been drinking it ever since.
01:03:26 Last night his character was up on disorderly conduct charges.
01:03:30 Oh, and James, who you haven't met, he was also unable to come.
01:03:34 Why was that?
01:03:35 Well, he got drunk at a party last night and can't find his clothes.
01:03:39 Oh, here's Germaine.
01:03:41 Germaine! Good. You're dressed up warm. I forgot to mention that.
01:03:46 Where are we going?
01:03:47 Here, put these on.
01:03:49 Is that a gun?
01:03:52 I guess we're going in the production room.
01:03:54 Is that a gun?
01:03:56 I guess we're going in the production room.
01:03:58 Is that a gun?
01:04:02 Coffee?
01:04:05 Slam!
01:04:22 Hemsworth. Mr Mackenzie.
01:04:25 Howard. What can I do for you?
01:04:29 Yeah? I actually suggested that to Anne yesterday, but she rejected the idea.
01:04:35 Yeah, yeah, well, what can you do?
01:04:38 Yeah, well, I'd be delighted.
01:04:44 Do you want to tell her or will I do it myself?
01:04:47 Fine, I'm sure you know best.
01:04:49 See you tonight.
01:04:51 What's up?
01:04:53 Nothing.
01:04:55 Anne, Howard has got a couple of amendments for today's script.
01:05:01 He wants Randall and Germaine to break up in the last scene.
01:05:05 Someone is going to die!
01:05:10 (Duck call)
01:05:16 So we're here to shoot ducks?
01:05:22 Yep.
01:05:24 Damn.
01:05:30 So how do you feel about that, Germaine?
01:05:33 Randall likes to kill ducks.
01:05:37 Shh.
01:05:39 You'll frighten away the ducks.
01:05:41 Your voice is too gruff, they'll think you're a dog.
01:05:44 So, Randall, you like killing things?
01:05:48 May I remind you that I'm the one holding the gun?
01:05:52 The only voice I want to hear other than my own is Germaine's.
01:05:56 After all, this is our date.
01:06:01 (Duck call)
01:06:06 (Duck call)
01:06:22 Damn.
01:06:25 So do you do this often?
01:06:28 Yep.
01:06:30 (Gunshot)
01:06:32 Damn.
01:06:35 Why do you do this?
01:06:38 Because my friends are into it.
01:06:43 (Gunshot)
01:06:45 Damn.
01:06:46 Have they ever hurt anything?
01:06:49 Well, Oscar once shot a possum, but he was aiming for a duck.
01:06:57 And James shot Warwick, but he was also aiming for a duck.
01:07:05 (Gunshot)
01:07:07 Damn.
01:07:08 Who's Warwick?
01:07:11 Well, he was my best friend.
01:07:15 (Duck call)
01:07:17 (Gunshot)
01:07:19 Damn.
01:07:20 So why do you go out shooting then?
01:07:26 Well, Warwick was into it.
01:07:29 (Duck call)
01:07:31 (Gunshot)
01:07:35 I understand, Ranger.
01:07:38 Damn.
01:07:39 You poor thing.
01:07:41 This is the only way you feel close to your dead friend.
01:07:45 You're missing the ducks on purpose, aren't you?
01:07:48 You've got to be kidding me.
01:07:50 Yes.
01:07:52 Yeah, that's right.
01:07:54 I'm missing the ducks on purpose.
01:08:00 (Gunshot)
01:08:01 (Duck call)
01:08:04 Damn.
01:08:06 (Dog bark)
01:08:07 Ranger, we need them to break up.
01:08:09 Piece of piss.
01:08:10 I made my parents break up, I can certainly make these two break up.
01:08:16 To be in a relationship, or not to be in a relationship.
01:08:22 That is the question.
01:08:25 Whether 'tis no...
01:08:26 Can we get on with it, please?
01:08:29 Five dates. Is that a record, Randall?
01:08:32 No.
01:08:35 No.
01:08:37 So where do things stand now?
01:08:39 After five dates with Germaine, do you really want some more?
01:08:45 Do you really think you can get some more?
01:08:47 How's your opinion of Germaine changed since you met?
01:08:52 I don't really know where to start.
01:08:54 I've just come for my stuff.
01:08:56 I think Germaine's great.
01:08:58 We've had a few ups and downs.
01:09:01 Well, maybe one of each.
01:09:03 But then what couple doesn't?
01:09:05 We've had some laughs, at least four of them.
01:09:07 Five if you count my phone anecdotes.
01:09:10 Germaine understands me like nobody ever has.
01:09:14 She accepts me for who I am.
01:09:16 What you're saying is that you want to keep on going,
01:09:19 at least until you've had sex.
01:09:21 Now, hang on, those are your words, not mine.
01:09:24 And for your information, Germaine and I...
01:09:28 Hold on a minute, that didn't actually happen.
01:09:30 What didn't happen?
01:09:32 Nothing.
01:09:34 And how about you, Germaine?
01:09:36 How low are your standards?
01:09:39 Do you really want to stay with Randy?
01:09:41 Leave him alone, Dud.
01:09:43 For your information, he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.
01:09:46 I am?
01:09:47 He shares my world view.
01:09:49 I do?
01:09:50 He gave the biggest financial contribution
01:09:52 to the Save the Korere Stream Fund of any individual person.
01:09:55 That's it?
01:09:58 I think I love him.
01:10:00 You what?
01:10:01 We had fun together on at least one of our dates.
01:10:05 Yeah, you don't think he's a dork?
01:10:08 No, Dudley, I don't.
01:10:10 And I think we're done here. You've had your interview.
01:10:12 Germaine, we'll get out of you here in five minutes,
01:10:14 but could you do me a small favour?
01:10:16 We kind of need you two to break up,
01:10:18 so could you pretend, just act like you hate each other for a couple of minutes?
01:10:22 Get fucked! We've fulfilled our obligation. This is over.
01:10:25 Hey, when is this going to screen?
01:10:27 Because I should ring my mother and tell her if she's still talking to me.
01:10:30 I don't know. McKenzie's not going to be happy with this.
01:10:33 As soon as it'll be December, maybe next year.
01:10:36 What?
01:10:37 What's that?
01:10:38 The Parahehe Dam will dry up the Korere in November.
01:10:41 It'll be dead and dry before the screens.
01:10:44 Well, thank God we got that footage then, eh?
01:10:46 Yeah, whatever.
01:10:48 (Phone rings)
01:10:50 Slap!
01:10:52 Howard, talk to me.
01:10:55 Hey, that's great news.
01:11:00 Yeah, well, if that's the way you want it to end, then I think we're done here.
01:11:05 You're going to be very pleased with what we've got.
01:11:10 Sure.
01:11:12 Can I tell her?
01:11:14 Thanks.
01:11:16 Anne, you're fired.
01:11:18 What? What the fuck?
01:11:21 Howard thinks that you're too objective. It's clouding your judgement.
01:11:24 I'll be taking over the editing.
01:11:27 Yep. Sure.
01:11:30 I'm looking forward to it.
01:11:32 Shall I put her on?
01:11:34 Alright.
01:11:37 Hey, Dad.
01:11:39 That was quick.
01:11:41 Can I be the bridesmaid?
01:11:43 That felt real good. I want more of that.
01:11:46 Anyone for lemon tea? It's very soothing.
01:11:49 Hey, you there, coffee boy. You're fired.
01:11:52 What?
01:11:54 Why?
01:11:56 I don't quite follow you, Dad.
01:11:58 I won't get angry. I won't give you the satisfaction.
01:12:01 Anne, there is no need to be melodramatic.
01:12:04 Howard wants the story to end with them together.
01:12:07 We've got what we want. You'll still get a credit.
01:12:10 You want us to what?
01:12:12 Can I still put this on my CV?
01:12:14 No.
01:12:15 You fucking asshole!
01:12:17 You do not decide who I date. What do you think this is, the fucking Middle Ages?
01:12:21 I wouldn't date Dudley if he was in a boy band.
01:12:25 Oh!
01:12:26 Randall, Germaine never got you that phone.
01:12:30 She wanted to get you a rock.
01:12:33 I thought you might like to know that.
01:12:36 You are something else, Dudley.
01:12:38 Yeah, in control. Speaking of which, I want a coffee.
01:12:41 A rock?
01:12:42 It was from Korerere.
01:12:44 She didn't get me the phone.
01:12:45 I thought they were joking.
01:12:47 Erin, coffee boy seems to quit. I wonder if you'd like to do the honours, eh, love?
01:12:51 Get fucked, Dudley. The only person I make coffee for is Pete.
01:12:55 Don't go with a puppet before taking you back on the news.
01:12:58 You suck so badly you got turned down for reading the numbers on Daily Keynote.
01:13:02 Pete!
01:13:03 I don't even make myself coffee.
01:13:05 Oh, look, everyone, calm down. We got what we wanted.
01:13:08 Germaine and Randall are still together, so why don't we just sum up, leave him alone,
01:13:13 and maybe we can get a coffee down the road.
01:13:15 Germaine, Randall only donated five bucks to your Save the Stream thing.
01:13:20 My dad did the rest to try and get you two together.
01:13:22 You didn't donate $500?
01:13:24 Are you kidding? If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd be buying phones.
01:13:29 Where the fuck do you get off arranging with my dad for us to date?
01:13:34 I think you're overreacting, Violet.
01:13:36 He just wanted to see us on the cover of the women's mags.
01:13:38 You know, new celebrity couple. Don't think it was anything more than that.
01:13:41 It would be very good for our careers.
01:13:43 At what point in your mental process did you think I'd whore myself for your career?
01:13:47 Do you really think I'd give a fuck if you'd do anything but advertise Flea Patter for the rest of your life?
01:13:53 (Coughs)
01:13:54 Don't be hands worth here at the end of a remarkable start to a relationship.
01:13:59 Ha ha! Randall and Germaine are in love.
01:14:01 Randall, Germaine was never really interested in you.
01:14:04 She was just trying to get on air to make a political point.
01:14:06 She only actually started liking you when you started trying to make her break up with you.
01:14:11 She doesn't accept you for who you are and does not understand your love of phones.
01:14:16 Germaine, Randall wants you to be his mother.
01:14:19 He doesn't share your world view and was trying to get you to dump him at the river.
01:14:24 He really does love phones and he's never intentionally made you laugh.
01:14:28 Every time you've laughed at something he's said, he's been dead serious.
01:14:32 Now I don't mean to be cruel.
01:14:35 And I think the two of you will make good friends, but I just wanted you to know.
01:14:40 I think I should go.
01:14:44 Sorry Randall, I'm sure you'll meet someone who's right for you.
01:14:49 You bitch!
01:14:54 I said I wanted coffee. I could make things very difficult for you professionally.
01:14:58 Get out! All of you, get out of my house!
01:15:02 You guys have ruined my life. I'm alone, I'm unemployed.
01:15:07 One friend's disappeared, the other one's suicidal.
01:15:10 My mother won't even speak to me. I never want to see any of you again in my life.
01:15:15 Get out of my house before I call the police.
01:15:18 I need to call my mother.
01:15:39 I think that's the least of my worries.
01:15:42 The point of that thing is that it's hard on my head.
01:15:45 You're a mean lady.
01:15:48 I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:15:57 I'm sorry.
01:15:59 I'm sorry.
01:16:01 I'm sorry.
01:16:04 I'm sorry.
01:16:06 I'm sorry.
01:16:08 I'm sorry.
01:16:10 I'm sorry.
01:16:13 I'm sorry.
01:16:15 I'm sorry.
01:16:17 I'm sorry.
01:16:20 I'm sorry.
01:16:22 I'm sorry.
01:16:24 I'm sorry.
01:16:26 I'm sorry.
01:16:28 I'm sorry.
01:16:30 I'm sorry.
01:16:33 I'm sorry.
01:16:35 I'm sorry.
01:16:37 I'm sorry.
01:16:39 I'm sorry.
01:16:41 I'm sorry.
01:16:43 I'm sorry.
01:16:45 I'm sorry.
01:16:47 I'm sorry.
01:16:49 I'm sorry.
01:16:51 I'm sorry.
01:16:53 I'm sorry.
01:16:55 I'm sorry.
01:16:57 I'm sorry.
01:16:59 I'm sorry.
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