3 Added Minutes try to build a five-a-side football team from the current crop of Premier League managers. Will Pep Guardiola make the squad, and can Sean Dyche get in ahead of Vincent Kompany?
Which Premier League manager would you want in net? Lopetegui or Emery.
Whose would you rather have at the back? Kompany or Dyche.
Which classy defender do you want in your team? Iraola or Pochettino.
Would you pick Pep for your five-a-side game? Guardiola or Hodgson.
Which manager makes your team? Arteta or Postecoglou.
Which Premier League manager would you want in net? Lopetegui or Emery.
Whose would you rather have at the back? Kompany or Dyche.
Which classy defender do you want in your team? Iraola or Pochettino.
Would you pick Pep for your five-a-side game? Guardiola or Hodgson.
Which manager makes your team? Arteta or Postecoglou.
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SportsTranscript
00:00 I'm going to propose Pep Guardiola. I'm just going to say to start off my case for Guardiola
00:04 that, if you're a midfielder and you can say with factual accuracy that the reason you're
00:10 a midfielder is because Johan Cruyff personally said you should be because that was the kind
00:14 of player you were, that's a pretty good thing to put on your CV. That's a hell of a character
00:19 reference right there. And that apparently is the genesis of Guardiola as a midfielder.
00:23 And he was fabulous. And I think, you know, he wasn't one of like the starry names of
00:27 the Barcelona side of the 90s at the time, but I think he was always very appreciated
00:33 by our watching for how technically good he was, how smart he was, how committed he was.
00:37 He basically took all the qualities that have made him a good manager and he had them as
00:41 a player as well. Like the manager he's become is someone you can absolutely see right through
00:46 the start of his career. There's no like sort of let up. There's been this constant progression
00:50 of just a player who is always pretty much always improving, always developing his game,
00:54 always learning. And he's just technically brilliant. And he was a Champions League winner,
00:57 a European Cup as he was at the time back in 1992. Just a magnificent player, incredible
01:03 passer of the ball, incredible reader of the game, great student of the game. And, you
01:08 know, I think you'd have a hard time arguing for anyone over him, you know, who's become
01:13 a Premier League manager as a midfielder. Who are you going to try and sort of put forward
01:17 as you know, to be better than Guardiola?
01:22 Roy Hodgson.
01:23 Good luck.
01:24 Yeah.
01:25 Hello, I'm Jason Jones. Welcome to Three Added Minutes' Five Aside, a new series in
01:37 which we attempt to build the best possible five-man team based on some extremely specific
01:41 requirements. This week, we're going to come up with the best possible team based on the
01:44 careers of current Premier League managers. And to help out, I'm joined by my Three Added
01:48 Minutes colleague, Matthew Gregory.
01:50 Here's how this is going to happen. We take it in turns to propose a player for our team,
01:55 briefly argue about it, and then settle on which candidate will make it onto the pitch.
01:59 And of course, we do have to start with the goalkeeper. That is a bit tricky because there
02:03 is only one current Premier League manager who donned the gloves in the professional
02:06 game. So this is going to be a bit of a foregone conclusion to kick off. But to make it interesting,
02:11 I'm going to propose the actual goalkeeper and then Jason is going to propose the manager
02:15 he thinks for whatever reason of his own choosing, would make the best goalkeeper or just be
02:20 the poor bloke who ends up in the Fiverr side team. Take your pick.
02:24 Anyway, that one goalkeeper, in case you were wondering, was Julen Lopetegui, the Wolves
02:29 manager. I mean, this is kind of an open and shut case. He played in goal. I think apart
02:33 from Nuno Espirito Santo, who is the only other manager I can think of who was a goalkeeper
02:37 during his professional tenure from the Premier League, certainly in recent years. He knows
02:41 how to put gloves on. Do I need to say anything more? Because he's the only manager who has
02:45 ever actually made a save in real life, unless someone went in net because someone got sent
02:49 off. But Rio Ferdinand isn't one of the managers in the current Premier League. So I'm going
02:53 to guess Lopetegui is our only decision here. Do you want to desperately try and make this
02:57 segment interesting, Jason? Who would you put forward instead of Lopetegui?
03:00 I mean, you know me, Matt. If I can make something interesting, I absolutely will. I think the
03:06 only one who comes remotely close to Lopetegui, because you are right, he is an absolute shoe
03:10 in here, is Unai Emery. Now, Unai Emery's father and grandfather were both professional
03:16 footballers and they were both professional goalkeepers. So I'm sort of just, you know,
03:22 using a little bit of common sense here and assuming that if it came down to it, the lad
03:26 could probably stop a shot, especially if we're talking like Power League standard,
03:31 like I play in that Power League and I do alright. So I'm guessing that Unai Emery could
03:35 probably do a decent enough job, you know. I do sort of wonder what happened to him though,
03:41 where he decided that the goalkeeping life wasn't for him. Maybe he's just not an absolute
03:45 masochist. But, you know, I think if it does come down to it, we are going to have to go
03:49 with Lopetegui, aren't we? He's the only one, you know, there's no better feeling than being
03:57 picked as one of one, I think, is there?
04:00 I mean, when you mentioned Unai Emery, I assumed you thought he'd be a goalkeeper because he's
04:04 so nice that he'd be the poor lad who gets walked over every game and basically forced
04:09 to spend more time in net than anyone else because he's too nice to say no. I mean, what
04:14 else can you say? I didn't know he had goalkeeping genetics. I don't know if it is in the DNA.
04:19 Was your father and grandfather a goalkeeper in Power League level, Jason? I mean, that
04:23 could tell us.
04:24 I don't know about, I mean, probably not Power League, but I did once find a photo of me
04:29 granddad playing in net for Durham City. So maybe there is something to be said for it.
04:33 Who knows? Like Durham City's City team or something, I should point out, you know, isn't
04:37 quite that illustrious.
04:38 I mean, that still sort of speaks to a steady decline from you have the original goalkeeper,
04:41 then you have a son who can play in net a bit, and then you go down and like the third
04:45 generation, they're completely useless and end up playing in the local Power League.
04:51 I didn't say I was completely useless, Matthew. Never said I was completely useless.
04:54 No, no, you didn't. I did.
04:57 Well, we might have our goalkeeper, but we do need someone to protect him. So bang in
05:07 front of Lopetegui, I'm going to suggest our central defender should be Vincent Kompany.
05:12 One of the greatest defenders the Premier League's ever seen. Brilliant captain, brilliant
05:16 in the air, brilliant on the ground. He had great feet, his positional awareness was sublime.
05:21 He had that knack that so many great players do of coming up with big moments. You remember
05:25 that incredible goal he scored against Leicester, like at the tail end of the season in the
05:29 middle of a title race when City desperately needed a goal. Kompany pops up with a 35-yard
05:34 pile driver. He was just that kind of player. When you needed someone to have a big moment,
05:39 to have a huge game, he had it pretty much every time. And even just in the day-to-day,
05:44 he was a fabulous defender. He's now obviously managing Burnley, which is unfortunate. As
05:49 a Blackburn fan, I'm therefore conditioned to now despise Vincent Kompany for the rest
05:53 of his life, but it's only been one year. So temporarily, I'm still able to respect
05:57 him as a human being and as a player. If we do this series in a year's time, I'll be arguing
06:00 against him vehemently. But for now, I'm saying Vincent Kompany should be in our five-a-side
06:04 team. And I think it's fairly clear-cut in my opinion.
06:07 I mean, yeah, he's good, but he's no Sean Dyche, is he? So, you know, Kettering's favourite
06:15 son. Before we go any further, I'd like to point out that you got to this topic before
06:23 I did and are very much like in a PE lesson. They've got the first pick of everyone and
06:28 I'm sort of left scraping the proverbial barrel. So I'm not completely unhinged. I understand
06:34 that Vincent Kompany is probably a better defender than Sean Dyche. What I will say,
06:38 however, is that in that cage, in that five-a-side arena, you don't necessarily want the best
06:45 footballer. You want someone who is just hard as nails, going to put themselves about, going
06:48 to kick lumps out of the opposition striker for the first couple of minutes so that they
06:51 don't attempt anything for the next 30 years. And I just don't think you could find anyone
06:56 better than that than Sean Dyche. I think that, you know, he was a very solid defender
07:02 in his day. I think there's a reason that he has the reputation that he does as a manager,
07:06 someone who is no-nonsense, absolute granite. Yeah, great guy as well. I think you would,
07:12 obviously you're a Blackburn fan, but I think you would, hand on heart, might have to acknowledge
07:16 that Sean Dyche is a pretty decent fella. And I think that, you know, if he came down
07:21 to it and if you saw a post-match pints and, you know, just sort of getting money sorted
07:25 to pay the subs and all that sort of stuff, I think Sean Dyche would be a stand-up guy.
07:30 And I don't think you could really ask for a better presence in a fiver-side team. So
07:33 on football and ability, yeah, Vincent Kompany, Premier League title winner, probably does
07:37 edge it. But certainly in terms of someone who you just want about the place, have a
07:41 bit of a laugh with, I'm going to have to suggest half-heartedly, Sean Dyche.
07:47 I take your point. And as you say, I am sort of, I'm conditioned a bit like the Assassins
07:52 in a naked gun to be like mentally programmed to switch off and suddenly turn into like
07:56 some kind of robotic machine of hatred whenever I see a burly manager. Nevertheless, seeing
08:01 pictures of him wandering around Glastonbury in a bucket hat pissed out of his mind did
08:06 make me like him just a little bit. It did break my program just a tiny bit. So I will
08:10 acknowledge Sean Dyche, probably someone I get on with begrudgingly if he was in my fiver-side
08:15 team. But yeah, if we're building the best fiver-side team, I think we have to go with
08:20 Vincent Kompany. Yeah, I begrudgingly agree with you.
08:27 Well, next up, Jason, because you've been whinging that I picked first and chose all
08:36 the good players to argue for for this team, I'm going to give you a slightly fairer fight
08:39 this time. We're going to have two actual defenders who are quite good at football up
08:43 against each other. I'm going to argue for Andoni Iraiola, new Bournemouth manager, fantastic
08:48 right back for Athletic Bilbao, mostly the Spanish national team. He was one of those
08:53 players where, you know, he was never the first choice right back for Spain. He wasn't
08:56 playing for Real Madrid or Barcelona. He was never quite like that kind of household name
09:01 level of footballer, which was probably fair. But at the same time, if you were the kind
09:05 of sad geek who, you know, as a teenager, instead of going out and having fun, spend
09:10 your time in a darker room playing championship manager like me, you knew exactly how and
09:14 who Andoni Iraiola was and you knew how good he was. He was a really good attacking player,
09:19 great positional sense, really good tackler, just a fabulous player. And now I think a
09:23 pretty exciting manager as well. And it's going to be strange living in a world where
09:27 I really look forward to seeing Bournemouth on the television. Like that's that's some
09:31 adjustment there, because let's be honest, Bournemouth early kickoff on a Sunday, the
09:35 game, you can be bothered to miss. That's that's where they are right now. They are
09:38 now appointment viewing under Andoni Iraiola, I promise you. So I'm going to say he deserves
09:43 his place in the team. Yeah, I mean, just before I sort of suggest my pick for the team,
09:48 I have to agree with you on Iraiola. I think he's a really good appointment for Bournemouth.
09:51 I think he's exactly the sort of manager who can help them to sort of reach that comfortable
09:56 mid table stage, maybe even push on beyond that. If you look at the sort of the progression
09:59 and the trajectory that a team like Brighton have had, I don't see why a manager of Iraiola's
10:04 pedigree and ambition couldn't sort of push them in that direction at least. I'm going
10:09 to go with another new Premier League appointment, someone who has been in Premier League before
10:13 though, and it's Mauricio Pochettino. Now, I don't think there's much of an argument
10:18 here. Pochettino back in the day, those long flowing locks, Argentinian, international,
10:25 just a wonderful, wonderful player. He had such an illustrious career as well. You know,
10:29 not only was he good at international level, but he played for the likes of Paris Saint-Germain.
10:34 He obviously had a great career at Espanyol as well before he went to France. And I just
10:38 think that, you know, if we're talking about actual quality in the same way that you were
10:43 talking about Vincent Kompany being a genuine world-class player, I think back in the day,
10:49 on his day, Pochettino was certainly one of those. And as good as Iraiola was, I think
10:55 that if it came down to a straight duke out between the two of them, I think Pochettino
10:59 would probably edge it. I don't know if you would agree with that, Matt?
11:03 Yeah, I mean, he was a really good player, Pochettino. I think also as England fans,
11:09 we kind of owe him one for inadvisably hacking the legs out from under Michael Owen back
11:13 in the World Cup in 2002. I mean, hacking the legs out of or gently tapping the air
11:18 somewhere near Michael Owen. So the entire nation of England does owe him a debt of gratitude.
11:25 So I think that's a pretty good tiebreaker in its own right. But he was a fabulous player.
11:29 He was one of those players who was, because he was so kind of like rangy, had that kind
11:32 of lanky vibe to him. He's very skinny and he was good in the air. So a lot of people
11:36 kind of had him down as just being some bloke who headed stuff away, but he was really good
11:40 with the ball at his feet and he was smart as well. It's not really surprising when you
11:43 consider how good of a manager he's become, but he was one of those players who knew where
11:47 he needed to be and could make the play around him work better because he understood the
11:51 game rather than just kicking it out or heading it clear every time. There's a lot of centre-backs
11:56 still were at that kind of era.
11:58 Of course, a real disciple of Marcelo Bielsa as well, played under him. And I think that
12:05 we're talking about work here and let's be honest, you need someone on the five-a-side
12:07 team who's going to run themselves into the ground. Someone who's played under Bielsa
12:11 probably isn't the worst shot in the world.
12:13 No, no, he'd be used to chasing after the lost causes that the lesser players in that
12:18 team would create. So yeah, it's a very good shot. I think I'm happy to go with Bocci.
12:22 Well, from a tight battle for a defensive slot in the team, I think we're going to have
12:33 to step up into midfield. And I'm just going to say that this problem will probably be
12:37 fairly one-sided as well. I'm going to propose Pep Guardiola. And I'm just going to say to
12:42 start off my case for Guardiola, that if you're a midfielder and you can say with factual
12:49 accuracy that the reason you're a midfielder is because Johan Cruyff personally said you
12:53 should be because that was the kind of player you were, that's a pretty good thing to put
12:57 on your CV. That's a hell of a character reference right there. And that apparently is the genesis
13:01 of Guardiola as a midfielder. And he was fabulous. And I think he wasn't one of the starry names
13:07 of the Barcelona side of the nineties at the time, but I think he was always very appreciated
13:12 by our watching for how technically good he was, how smart he was, how committed he was.
13:17 He basically took all the qualities that have made him a good manager and he had them as
13:21 a player as well. The manager he's become is someone you can absolutely see right through
13:25 the start of his career. There's no let up. There's been this constant progression of
13:29 just a player who is always pretty much always improving, always developing his game, always
13:33 learning and he's just technically brilliant. And he was a Champions League winner, well,
13:37 European Cup as he was at the time back in 1992. Just a magnificent player, incredible
13:42 passer of the ball, incredible reader of the game, great student of the game. And I think
13:49 you'd have a hard time arguing for anyone over him who's become a Premier League manager
13:53 as a midfielder. Who are you going to try and sort of put forward to be better than
13:58 Guardiola?
14:01 Roy Hodgson. Yeah, no, I mean, Roy Hodgson, to be fair, never really played professional
14:08 football. But two main arguments here. Right. First one, I once saw a video of him, Crystal
14:17 Palace training, he plays a lovely through ball with the outside of his foot. So that's
14:20 exhibit A. I think that every five-a-side team needs someone who just sort of stands
14:26 about in the middle, but who has one quality piece of distribution in them. Roy Hodgson
14:32 is that man. I think Pep Guardiola, you know, this sort of Swiss army knife approach to
14:36 midfield. Wasted, to be honest with you, I think he could be doing a lot better than
14:40 his team and I wouldn't want to bring him down by putting him in there. The second argument
14:45 I would make, Roy Hodgson used to be a PE teacher. So on the weeks that you need bibs,
14:52 you know, he could provide those. Training cones. I imagine that his organisational skills
14:57 are very good. Logistically, again, I made the same argument with Sean Dyche, but if
15:02 we're talking about things like subs and sort of collecting the money at the end of the
15:07 game, we're talking about a man who professionally used to get permission slips off teenage boys.
15:11 So getting a fiver off a grown man shouldn't be an issue for him. Yeah, look again, I want
15:19 to point out to anyone watching this, I'm not completely delusional. Matt just got to
15:22 pick the team before I did. Pep Guardiola is quite obviously a much better footballer
15:26 than Roy Hodgson ever was. But I think that part of the reason that I love Roy Hodgson
15:32 so much, and it's the same for a few Premier League managers as well, I think like Thomas
15:35 Franks and that, people who never played the game at a professional level, but who clearly
15:41 understand it, who have such an appreciation for it, who really are quite cerebral in their
15:46 approach to it, have been able to make a career, really successful careers off the back of
15:49 it as well. I think they deserve some commendation because I think so often we see this pipeline
15:53 of players going from being a Guardiola, play for Barcelona, manage Barcelona, best manager
15:58 in the world. Boring. That's boring, Matt. Give me someone who never played football,
16:03 who spent some time teaching PA and is now managing Crystal Palace as he approaches his
16:10 163rd birthday. Get him in the team as far as I can say.
16:13 No, I completely agree with you, Jason, because I always had a soft spot for Maurizio Sarri,
16:17 for instance, the man who jacked in a safe career as a bank manager to go and manage
16:21 his local Sarri D side or whatever they were. It's a wonderful, romantic career path. And
16:26 I do have a huge soft spot for Roy Hodgson, but I'm one of nature's winners, as you can
16:31 tell. I would want our five-a-side team to be crushing the opposition into the dirt every
16:35 single week. So to match my vision for this, you know, all-conquering team, I think it
16:39 has to be that one.
16:41 Right, one last spot in this team. Now, normally we'd be talking about strikers, but there's
16:52 a weird lack of strikers who go on to become managers. So I'm going to go with a technically
16:57 gifted attacking midfielder with an eye for goal, Mikel Arteta. At the time, he was a
17:02 wonderful player, you know, for Sossiedab, for Arsenal, for Everton. He was technically
17:07 excellent, wonderful set-piece taker. He could score some goals. He scored, you know, he
17:11 was the kind of midfielder you'd bank on getting 10 goals a season during his pomp. And he
17:16 was just one of those very sort of, he could be quite fiery, but he still had that very
17:20 sort of unflustered presence on the ball. Like he'd get the ball and he'd just know
17:24 what to do with it. He was very unfussy, but he could still pick a pass pretty much anywhere
17:28 and you know, anywhere on the field. Very competitive, a real sort of combative kind
17:32 of player. And again, you can kind of see how he became the manager he did. You can
17:36 see all like the combination of quite cerebral football with quite sort of technical sort
17:41 of skill sets. And also just having that little bit of competitive edge, that little bit of
17:45 desperately trying to win absolutely everything from, you know, a football match to like pop
17:49 quiz nights on Tuesday or something like that. I bet he'd be the kind of person who's just
17:52 a nightmare at the office Christmas party, just desperately trying to win every single
17:56 game. So yeah, Mikel Arteta for me. And you know, I think, I think you've need some goals
18:01 in this fictional Fiverside team. I think he's a pretty good shot.
18:05 Yeah. I mean, Arteta again, similar argument to Guardiola really, isn't it? I don't think
18:10 there's any doubt in his credentials as a player. And I still think to an extent he
18:15 was underrated during his time in the Premier League. I think that people didn't quite appreciate
18:19 just how much he brought to those Arsenal and Everton sides at the time, even though
18:23 he was, you know, lauded to an extent, but I don't think he was ever lauded as much as
18:27 he should have been. I am going to argue against him though. I'm going to give a shout out
18:32 to South Melbourne Hellas's finest son, Angie Postacoglu. You know, there's a reason that
18:39 he was voted into their team of the century at left back. He was a one club man during
18:44 his playing days. And I think for that reason, he probably never quite got the acclaim outside
18:49 of Australia that he otherwise might have. I think that he almost certainly could have
18:52 played outside of Australia and made a pretty decent career for himself. Yeah. Just a good
18:58 guy, Angie Postacoglu, isn't he? You know, he's even managed to sort of lift the mood
19:02 around Tottenham, which I think is borderline miraculous. So the fact that he's come in
19:06 and done that, I think he'd do wonders for Fiverr's side team morale. Looks like he's
19:11 decent crack as well. Yeah. You know, I mean, from a footballing perspective, is he better
19:16 than Mikko Lartetta? No, absolutely not. But again, I'll reiterate, you've got to pick
19:19 the team before I did. So I'm very much dealing with the dregs here, Matt. Angie Postacoglu
19:25 would be my shout purely because I like him. You know, he played four times for Australia
19:29 as well, so he can't be that bad. But yeah, if I'm being completely honest with you, if
19:34 we're trying to build a winning team, which you seem to be so fixated on for some unknown
19:39 reason, then yeah, let's go with Mikko Lartetta, but with a nice little nod to Angie Postacoglu
19:48 for being a really standout.
19:50 That is very fair. He does seem like a lovely man. And you know, who among us can say that
19:56 we are one of the greatest players of all time for South Melbourne's only Greek only
20:01 football team? You know, that's a rare achievement. And yeah, I think he deserves a nod. I think
20:07 he deserves also to be put on the bench for what we did with Mikko Lartetta.
20:11 Right then, that's our squad complete. Hulun Lopategi in net, Vincent Kompany at the back
20:22 alongside Maurizio Pochettino, Pep Guardiola in midfield and then Mikko Lartetta just sort
20:26 of floating around up top doing a job for us. That's also all we've got time for in
20:31 this episode of 300 Minutes by the Side. We'll be back with another episode very soon, but
20:35 until then, you can read all the latest football news along with some of the finest writing
20:38 and insight on the internet at 300minutes.com. Thank you for joining us. This show is produced
20:43 by National World by Mark Russell.
20:45 Yeah, I mean, before I sort of suggest my F, I absolutely agree with you on that. I
20:56 think he's a wonderful appointment for Bournemouth. I think people are a little bit shocked when
20:59 they sort of ousted Gary O'Neill in the manner that they did, but I think it's a real statement
21:02 of intent. I think it's one that if it comes off and I don't see why it shouldn't come
21:06 off, it could have a really positive effect on Bournemouth and their ambitions in the
21:10 coming season. I am also going to go for a new Premier League manager. I'm going to go
21:14 for Angie Postacoglu. Now, Postacoglu outside of Australia.
21:19 Hold on, sorry, Jason, I'm going to stop you because you're killing my intro here. I put
21:24 you against Pochettino.
21:25 It's not what the document says. No, it does.
21:31 Does it?
21:32 No, no, it does say Pochettino. Ah, well, I can't read that, so I apologise.
21:37 That's alright.
21:38 Sighed it. Fair enough. Okay, well, let me come in again then. Give me two seconds, though,
21:46 because I have just done some...
21:48 Just to make it so my brief little intro about giving us a fair bite doesn't sound like
21:52 complete gibberish.
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