I'm A Bearded Lady - And My Boyfriend Loves It | LOVE DON'T JUDGE
CORAL met her partner Illias on a dating site four years ago. She told Truly: "I was getting ready to delete it, I went on to go check my messages one last time, and I saw that Illias had sent a message to me." Illias joked that he had "the perfect timing." When they first met in person Coral felt an "instant attraction" and the relationship blossomed from there. When they got together Coral was shaving her facial hair every day. She has PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome), a condition which she was diagnosed as having aged 16. It is an ovary condition that affects how the ovaries work. For Coral, it has caused excessive facial hair growth, "I started getting facial hair when I was nine years old. It started out as very thick sideburns, then by the time I was 12, it was a full-blown beard," she said. "Honestly, it made me feel like a monster. I thought that I was cursed for the longest time. I get a lot of comments about Shrek, which is kind of funny because I tell people that Fiona was my first representation." In 2022 the couple became homeless and Coral finally decided to stop shaving after slowly considering the possibility. "I was dabbling a little bit two years into our relationship but it was really when we became homeless that I was feeling like it was impossible to continue shaving. I was trying to dry a shave in the car in the morning before we went into Walmart to go to the bathroom," she said. Once they moved in with family, living in their garage she officially took the plunge. "I was so tired of shaving it and just stopped," she said. Despite her comfort with her choice to embrace her facial hair, when she has gone out in public she has faced judgement from the outside world: "[People] really like to point out my beard and ask, 'What is that?'" This has caused her to retreat from her usual day-to-day activities. "The most comments we usually get are at the grocery store. We do tend to stay inside," Illias explained. "People stare, people gasp, people whisper." Coral has a big online presence, advocating for bearded women who want to grow out their hair. Much of the reaction is positive, but she has also received a barrage of hate. Comments such as "What are you?", "This is disgusting" and "This is what the devil looks like," appear on her feed. She even gets death threats. Nevertheless, she is steadfast in her decision to be her authentic self: "Now I really love my beard. I can't lie. I feel like I would be naked without it, it's definitely grown on me."
Transcript
00:00 This is Coral.
00:02 She fell in love with Elias.
00:05 We are judged because he is trans and I have a beard.
00:08 Coral has struggled with her facial hair from a young age.
00:12 I first started getting facial hair when I was nine years old.
00:15 It made me feel like a monster.
00:17 When the couple go out in public,
00:19 they are often met with negative reactions,
00:22 which has made them retreat from the outside world.
00:26 We do tend to stay inside more.
00:28 But unfortunately, the prejudice follows them online too.
00:32 What are you? This is disgusting.
00:35 Oh my God, this is what the devil looks like.
00:38 We met on a dating website called OkCupid.
00:45 I was getting ready to delete it
00:48 and I went on to go check my messages one last time
00:51 and I saw that Elias had messaged me.
00:53 So I have the perfect timing.
00:55 We've been together for a little over four years now.
00:58 When I met Elias, I was still shaving every day.
01:01 I was working in a corporate office,
01:03 so I was the business lady.
01:06 And at that time, I felt like I couldn't be a business lady with a beard.
01:10 I think I was dabbling a little bit two years into our relationship.
01:14 I would start going like a couple of days without shaving.
01:17 But it was really when we became homeless.
01:19 I was trying to dry a shave in the car in the morning
01:23 before we went into Walmart to go to the bathroom.
01:26 Once we got back to Washington and moved in with my family,
01:31 I was so tired of shaving it and I just stopped.
01:34 I actually first started getting facial hair when I was nine years old.
01:39 It started out as very thick sideburns.
01:42 By the time I was 12, it was a full-blown beard.
01:45 Honestly, it made me feel like a monster.
01:48 I really thought that I was cursed for the longest time.
01:52 I get a lot of comments about Shrek, which is kind of funny
01:56 because I tell people that Fiona was my first representation.
02:02 Honestly, it was the first woman I ever saw in media shaving her face.
02:06 I was diagnosed with PCOS when I turned 16.
02:11 PCOS is a condition that causes cysts on your ovaries,
02:16 excessive hair growth. It causes insulin issues.
02:20 It was very difficult growing up with PCOS.
02:23 A lot of the times I was bedridden for days.
02:26 The pain of having cysts on your ovaries, they hurt.
02:30 Shaving my face alone was the worst part of it.
02:35 I didn't have shaving cream or fancy razors.
02:38 I literally was using makeup to cover up the blood every day.
02:41 I didn't realize that I had other family members who were growing facial hair as well
02:46 because they were, like me, wanting to hide it.
02:50 Hi, can you hear me? I can't hear you.
02:55 Oh, I didn't say anything. Can you hear me now?
02:59 What do you think about me growing out my facial hair?
03:02 When you first started growing it out,
03:05 I was kind of surprised at your appearance, I guess.
03:10 But now that just seems a part of you, and I think if you shaved it,
03:14 I would be like, "Wait, what's happening to me?"
03:17 I'm just proud of how strong you are.
03:21 And because it's no blazers like you,
03:24 maybe women won't feel like they have to hide or be ashamed.
03:27 I think that's one of the biggest things I like to tell people,
03:30 is it's literally one in 14 women,
03:32 and most people know somebody who does grow facial hair.
03:36 Yeah, it won't be a big deal in another generation.
03:39 Thank you, Mom.
03:40 You're welcome. Love you.
03:41 I love you, too.
03:42 Now I really love my beard.
03:45 I can't lie, I feel like I would be naked without it.
03:49 Elias has been very supportive with me growing out my facial hair.
03:53 He was the first one to let me know,
03:56 "Hey, if you're not enjoying this, you could not do it."
04:01 Watching someone you love suffer like that
04:03 and cause themselves pain like every single day
04:06 just to feel like they're allowed to leave the house
04:10 or like they won't upset anybody is just painful.
04:15 Honestly, I just feel really proud.
04:17 It's hard to be authentic in today's world.
04:20 About a year into our relationship, I came out.
04:25 I had been around trans people for a long time,
04:28 but had never considered that it was an option for me
04:31 just because of how I grew up and stuff.
04:34 That's really good.
04:35 Being in a relationship with Coral,
04:37 how accepting she is, allowed me to become more of myself.
04:42 What judgments did we face when we first started our relationship?
04:45 Some judgment about us being in a gay relationship, for sure.
04:50 The most comments we usually get are at the grocery store.
04:54 We do tend to stay inside more.
04:57 People stare, people gasp, people whisper, mutter.
05:01 Yeah, they really like to point out my beard,
05:04 ask, "What is that?"
05:05 Which is why I've kind of stepped back from doing all of that.
05:09 I've let Elias sort of take over.
05:10 I do the sole grocery shopping.
05:12 In the past, I got angry.
05:14 Why get mad at someone for the way that they look?
05:18 But watching her go through it and how she deals with things,
05:22 the amount of peace that over time she's built up
05:26 has helped me let go of a lot of that anger.
05:29 I have a group of fellow bearded ladies that is on Facebook
05:34 and a lot of them do not even grow their hair out
05:37 because they are still scared.
05:39 People are very angry.
05:41 I do get death threats, especially here in the United States
05:44 with the trans debate that is happening right now.
05:48 Bearded women get roped in with trans women a lot,
05:52 which personally I am perfectly okay with
05:55 because I would rather be an avenue for my trans sisters
06:02 to be able to accept themselves.
06:04 I get a lot of comments, though, like, "What are you?"
06:08 "This is disgusting."
06:10 "I should shave."
06:11 "I need to grow a mustache."
06:14 "Oh my God, this is what the devil looks like."
06:17 People like to tell me that I am demonic
06:21 and tell me to find Jesus in the same sentence.
06:24 I have had lives where I've had people reach out to me
06:28 and tell me, "I had to get off of your life
06:31 because it was too much."
06:33 The comments hurt, and that sucks
06:37 because everything that I'm working towards
06:39 is so that way other women don't have to feel like they need to hide.
06:43 Today we are going to meet with our roommates
06:45 to talk about how they feel about our relationship.
06:48 I think it will be interesting to ask them
06:50 what they think about my beard,
06:51 what they thought about me growing it out.
06:54 Hey.
06:55 What's up?
06:57 What was your concerns when I started growing out my beard?
07:00 I felt like you looked more like you than you ever had.
07:04 I feel that.
07:06 And my only concerns were really how other people were going to treat you,
07:10 which is...
07:12 Valid.
07:13 Yeah.
07:14 It's true.
07:15 People are mean.
07:17 After more than a year that you've been growing your beard,
07:20 I was like, "You're just you."
07:21 You did say that you were like, "It's the same person."
07:25 Yeah, I was like, "Stop. You look different."
07:29 I think you like your hair separate.
07:31 She's like, "What?"
07:32 I was like, "No, Maria."
07:34 I'm like, "No, I don't see nothing."
07:36 I made some blueberry muffins.
07:39 People that judge our relationship,
07:41 I would tell them, "Just go be happy and live your own life, man."
07:46 Stop wasting your time.
07:48 Life is too short to be wasting your time thinking about me.
07:54 Honestly.
07:56 [♪♪]
07:59 [♪♪]
08:00 [♪♪]
08:03 [♪♪]
08:06 [BLANK_AUDIO]