Dark Star-HD (1974)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:00 [Music]
00:00:07 [Music]
00:00:14 [Music]
00:00:21 [Music]
00:00:28 [Music]
00:00:35 [Music]
00:00:42 [Music]
00:00:49 [Music]
00:00:54 Hi guys, glad we got your message. You'll be interested to hear it was broadcast live all over Earth in prime time.
00:01:03 Got good reviews in the trades. The time lag on these messages is getting longer.
00:01:11 We gather from the ten year delay that you are approximately 18 parsecs away.
00:01:19 Drop us a line more often, okay?
00:01:24 Sorry to hear about the radiation leak on the ship.
00:01:29 And real sorry to hear about the death of Commander Powell.
00:01:34 It was a week of mourning here on Earth. The flags were half-masked.
00:01:40 We're all behind you guys.
00:01:45 About your request for radiation shielding, sorry to report this request has been denied.
00:01:55 I hate to send bad news when you guys are up there doing such a swell job.
00:02:00 But I think you'll take it in the proper spirit.
00:02:04 There have been some cutbacks in Congress and right now, considering the distance, we just can't afford to send a cargo shuttle out there to you.
00:02:13 But I know you guys will make do.
00:02:19 Keep up the good work, men.
00:02:24 [Music]
00:02:28 [Music]
00:02:33 [Music]
00:02:38 [Music]
00:02:43 [Music]
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00:03:03 [Music]
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00:03:13 [Music]
00:03:18 [Radio static]
00:03:21 What'd you say, pinback?
00:03:23 [Radio static]
00:03:27 I said I'm trying to reach Talby. Something's wrong with the damn intercom. I need a last-minute diameter approximation.
00:03:34 Talby? Talby, this is Doolittle. Do you read me? Talby? Talby, do you read me? Talby!
00:03:43 Oh, yes, Doolittle. What is it?
00:03:45 I need a diameter approximation.
00:03:48 Okay, Doolittle, I'll have it in a minute.
00:03:50 I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.
00:03:52 Check it.
00:03:53 I have a bias A of plus one.
00:03:55 Pinback?
00:03:56 Yes, Doolittle?
00:03:57 Your GHF reading is minus 15.
00:03:59 Doolittle?
00:04:00 Yes?
00:04:01 I need a computer reading on a failsafe mark.
00:04:03 In a second.
00:04:04 Boiler, can you set me up with some drive figures?
00:04:06 Ninety-seven million minus eight, corrected to mass critical.
00:04:10 That checks out here.
00:04:12 I have a reduced drive reading of 7,000.
00:04:15 I read that with a quantum increase of seven.
00:04:18 Pinback, I have that computer reading. It's 9577.
00:04:22 Time to start talking.
00:04:24 [Bomb-based systems operational.]
00:04:40 Locked failsafe.
00:04:43 Failsafe and lock.
00:04:45 Uh...
00:04:50 Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb Number 19. Do you read me, Bomb?
00:04:54 Bomb Number 19 to Sergeant Pinback. I read you. Continue.
00:04:57 Well, Bomb, we have about 60 seconds to drop.
00:05:01 Just wondering if everything's all right.
00:05:03 Have you checked your platinum-ziridium energy shielding?
00:05:05 Energy shielding, positive function.
00:05:07 Well, let's synchronize detonation time.
00:05:11 Uh...
00:05:12 You wouldn't have to know when you're supposed to go off, would you?
00:05:15 Detonation in six minutes, 20 seconds.
00:05:18 All right, that checks out here.
00:05:20 Arm yourself, Bomb.
00:05:23 Armed?
00:05:24 Well, then, everything sounds fine.
00:05:27 Dropping you off in about 35 seconds.
00:05:29 Good luck.
00:05:30 Thanks.
00:05:31 Begin primary sequence.
00:05:39 All right. Mark at 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Drop.
00:05:55 Hyperdrive sequence begun. Headed Pinback.
00:05:58 Brace for force fields.
00:06:04 [whirring]
00:06:17 [whirring]
00:06:30 [whirring]
00:06:44 [whirring]
00:06:57 [whirring]
00:07:07 Lieutenant Doolittle, it just exploded.
00:07:12 Um...
00:07:13 The planet just exploded, sir.
00:07:17 Lieutenant?
00:07:19 Attention, attention.
00:07:21 Ship's computer to all personnel.
00:07:23 The hyperdrive sequence is now terminated.
00:07:26 The target planet has been destroyed.
00:07:29 This sector is now cleared for colonization.
00:07:33 You have destroyed the last unstable planet in this system.
00:07:37 Congratulations on another successful bomb run, fellows.
00:07:41 What now? What do you have for us now, Boiler?
00:07:46 Uh, not much. Nothing at all in this sector.
00:07:51 Well, find me something. I don't care where it is.
00:07:56 Well, I show a 95% probability of intelligent life in the Horsehead Nebula sector.
00:08:04 Don't give me that kind of bull.
00:08:06 I know it's a long shot, but...
00:08:08 Damn wild goose chase, what is?
00:08:10 Remember when Commander Powell found that 99-plus probability of intelligent life in Magellanic Cloud?
00:08:16 Well, I... there's a possibility of...
00:08:18 Remember what we found?
00:08:19 A damn mindless vegetable that looked like a limb balloon.
00:08:23 14 light years for a vegetable that won't squawk and let up think when you touch it. Remember that?
00:08:27 All right, then, uh...
00:08:28 Don't give me any of that intelligent life stuff. Find me something I can blow up.
00:08:34 New star.
00:08:47 Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.
00:08:51 Which one?
00:08:53 Another unknown. A red dwarf. Not on the chart.
00:08:58 Any planets?
00:09:00 Yeah. "A" that says here.
00:09:03 Any of them any good?
00:09:05 Nah, all stable.
00:09:08 Well, what are you gonna name it?
00:09:13 What?
00:09:14 The new star, what are you gonna name it?
00:09:17 Who cares? Don't bother me.
00:09:20 Commander Powell would have named it.
00:09:26 Commander Powell is dead.
00:09:28 Too little? I got a goody. An unstable planet.
00:09:32 85% probability of an unstable planet in the Vale Nebula that will probably go off its orbit.
00:09:37 It's a star.
00:09:38 What a bore, though.
00:09:41 Real good, Boiler. That's what I'm looking for. Chart a course for the Vale Nebula.
00:09:45 Pinback, throw me the chart live.
00:09:48 Let's have some music in here, Boiler.
00:09:54 Sure thing.
00:10:03 I lay at sunshine down, but I see only one
00:10:09 When I think I'm over you
00:10:12 I find I've just begun
00:10:15 The years move faster than the days
00:10:18 There's more of them in the light
00:10:21 And how I miss those desert skies
00:10:24 Your cool touch in the night
00:10:29 Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair
00:10:34 My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there
00:10:40 Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky
00:10:46 But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I
00:10:52 [instrumental]
00:11:08 Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair
00:11:13 My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there
00:11:19 Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky
00:11:25 But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I
00:11:31 Now the years pull us apart
00:11:36 I'm young and now you're old
00:11:39 But you're still in my heart
00:11:42 And the memory won't grow cold
00:11:45 I dream of times and spaces
00:11:48 I left far behind
00:11:51 Where we spent our last few days
00:11:54 Benson's on my mind
00:11:57 Benson, Arizona, blue warm wind through your hair
00:12:04 My body flies the galaxies, my heart longs to be there
00:12:10 Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky
00:12:16 But they seem so much kinder when we watch them, you and I
00:12:23 [instrumental]
00:12:26 [beep]
00:12:27 Ship's log, entry number 1943.
00:12:33 Dark star cruising at light speed through sector theta 990
00:12:42 en route to the Veil Nebula for destruction of unstable flammable.
00:12:46 RETA is 17 hours.
00:12:51 Uh, ship's systems continue to deteriorate.
00:12:58 Oh yeah.
00:13:00 The short circuit in the rear seat panel which killed Commander Powell is still faulty.
00:13:06 [sigh]
00:13:11 The, uh, the storage...
00:13:13 Because he's sitting next to Commander Powell's seat it continues to bother pinback.
00:13:21 Uh, oh yeah.
00:13:25 Storage area 9, uh, self-destructed last week and destroyed the ship's entire supply of toilet paper.
00:13:33 That's all.
00:13:38 [beep]
00:13:40 [instrumental]
00:14:05 Attention, attention.
00:14:07 Ship's computer calling all personnel.
00:14:10 I must disengage your recreational music.
00:14:13 Repeat, ship's computer to all personnel.
00:14:18 This is an emergency override.
00:14:20 All systems must stand by.
00:14:23 An asteroid storm is approaching the ship on collision course.
00:14:28 This asteroid storm appears to be bound together by an electromagnetic energy vortex like the one we ran into two years ago.
00:14:35 Normally I wouldn't bother you boys with this problem, but as you recall my defensive circuits were destroyed in that other storm.
00:14:42 Therefore you have 35 seconds to manually activate all defensive systems.
00:14:46 Lock gravity system.
00:14:48 Gravity lock.
00:14:49 Activate afterburner.
00:14:50 Activate energy shield.
00:14:51 Energy shielding activated.
00:14:52 Activating gravity lock.
00:14:53 Convert.
00:14:54 Power drive system activated.
00:14:55 Roger, retracted.
00:14:56 Lock all defensive systems.
00:14:58 You have to set the clock on course field.
00:15:01 [rumbling]
00:15:03 [rumbling]
00:15:28 [crash]
00:15:31 [alarm]
00:15:36 [alarm]
00:16:00 Computer to bomb number 20.
00:16:02 Return to the bomb bay immediately.
00:16:05 But I have received the operational signal.
00:16:07 It is a malfunction.
00:16:09 This is not a bomb run.
00:16:11 We are in a crisis situation.
00:16:13 Return immediately.
00:16:15 Nevertheless, I have received the signal to prepare for a drop.
00:16:19 Emergency override.
00:16:21 Return to the bay.
00:16:22 Very well.
00:16:24 [alarm]
00:16:49 We made it.
00:16:53 Yeah.
00:16:54 Attention.
00:16:56 Attention.
00:16:57 Ship's computer to bridge.
00:16:59 There was a malfunction aboard ship during the asteroid storm.
00:17:03 I have not yet identified the nature of the problem.
00:17:07 Shall I contact you when I find out what the malfunction is?
00:17:10 Yeah. Let's get out of here.
00:17:12 I remember the last time we were in an asteroid storm.
00:17:16 I was down in the food lock getting a sandwich when I heard the damn sleeping quarters blow up.
00:17:21 Yeah. Say, you know guys, if we really wanted to, we could fix up the sleeping quarters like they were before.
00:17:27 Then we could sleep on real pneumatic bunks again.
00:17:29 Say guys, why don't we fix up the sleeping quarters so we can have a decent place to sleep again?
00:17:34 All we'd have to do is patch up the hole in the ship and pump some air back in.
00:17:37 Shut up, Pinback.
00:17:38 Oh, have it your own way.
00:17:39 [Ship's computer turns off]
00:18:04 For your listening enjoyment, we now present the moonlight melodies of Martin Segundo and the Scintilla Strings.
00:18:10 Our first selection is the perennial favorite, When Twilight Falls on NGC 891.
00:18:18 [Music]
00:18:21 [Music]
00:18:23 [Music]
00:18:25 [Music]
00:18:27 [Music]
00:18:30 [Music]
00:18:33 [Music]
00:18:36 [Music]
00:18:38 [Crashing]
00:19:04 [Crashing]
00:19:06 [Crashing]
00:19:08 [Crashing]
00:19:21 [Music]
00:19:23 [Music]
00:19:31 [Music]
00:19:48 [Music]
00:19:50 [Music]
00:20:16 [Music]
00:20:18 Damn it!
00:20:31 Now what's the matter with him?
00:20:38 [Music]
00:20:41 [Music]
00:20:43 [Music]
00:20:55 [Music]
00:20:57 [Music]
00:21:02 [Music]
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00:21:28 [Music]
00:21:44 [Music]
00:21:46 [Music]
00:21:56 [Music]
00:22:06 [Music]
00:22:08 [Music]
00:22:18 [Music]
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00:22:30 [Music]
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00:22:46 [Music]
00:22:52 [Music]
00:22:54 [Music]
00:23:04 [Music]
00:23:20 [Music]
00:23:22 Talby?
00:23:32 Here's some breakfast.
00:23:35 [Music]
00:23:39 [Music]
00:23:41 You know Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us.
00:24:02 You spend too much time up here.
00:24:06 I like it up here.
00:24:08 Must get lonely being up here so much.
00:24:11 I don't like going below since Commander Powell died.
00:24:15 It's too enclosed down there.
00:24:19 Yeah, you should spend some more time below though.
00:24:22 I mean, you know, you should see more of the rest of the ship.
00:24:26 You see, I can watch things up here too, a little.
00:24:29 I love to watch things.
00:24:33 Planets, meteors, gas clusters and asteroids.
00:24:37 Yeah, but you'll have plenty of time for that later though.
00:24:40 I mean, think of it this way.
00:24:43 We've been in space for 20 years now, right?
00:24:45 And we've only aged three years.
00:24:47 So there'll be plenty of time later on for staring around.
00:24:50 You know, Doolittle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula,
00:24:56 we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing.
00:24:59 The Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:02 They should be passing through there about now.
00:25:04 Phoenix asteroids? Never heard of them.
00:25:09 They're a body of asteroids that circle the universe
00:25:12 once every 12.3 trillion years.
00:25:15 Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:19 From what I've heard, Doolittle,
00:25:21 they glow, glow with all the colors of the rainbow.
00:25:25 Nobody knows why.
00:25:31 They just glow as they drift around the universe.
00:25:34 Phoenix asteroids.
00:25:38 You know what I think about, Talby?
00:25:41 It's funny, I kind of sit around a lot, you know,
00:25:46 a lot of time to myself.
00:25:49 I can't talk to the others.
00:25:53 But with time to myself, I can think about back home.
00:25:59 Back home in Malibu.
00:26:01 I used to surf a lot, Talby.
00:26:05 I used to be a great surfer.
00:26:08 The waves at Malibu and Zuma are so fantastic in the spring, Talby.
00:26:13 I can remember running down on the beach in those early spring mornings
00:26:16 with my surfboard and my wetsuit.
00:26:19 The waves would really be peaking, you know, high and glassy.
00:26:22 You hit that water.
00:26:25 Before you know it, you're coming down right off one of those walls,
00:26:28 just riding perfect.
00:26:30 You know, I guess I miss the waves and my board more than anything.
00:26:43 [snoring]
00:26:45 [snoring]
00:26:48 [snoring]
00:26:50 [snoring]
00:26:52 [snoring]
00:27:20 That's the lid of the heating unit.
00:27:49 You're not supposed to have that out.
00:27:51 That's not for target practice.
00:27:56 That's for emergencies only.
00:27:59 That's dangerous.
00:28:10 I'll tell Doolittle.
00:28:19 Sorry to interrupt your recreation, fellows,
00:28:21 but it is time for Sergeant Pinback to feed the alien.
00:28:24 Aw, I don't want to do that.
00:28:27 May I remind you, Sergeant Pinback, that it was your idea
00:28:30 in the first place to bring the alien on board.
00:28:33 If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.
00:28:37 Aw, I have to do everything around here.
00:28:41 Aw, I have to do everything around here.
00:28:43 All right, where are you?
00:28:53 Come on, quit playing around.
00:28:56 Get away!
00:29:02 Come on.
00:29:06 Come on, come on.
00:29:09 Come on.
00:29:11 When I brought you on the ship, I thought you were cute.
00:29:16 All right, soup's on.
00:29:21 We didn't have none of the other stuff.
00:29:27 Here, eat it.
00:29:30 Eat it.
00:29:33 Take it or leave it.
00:29:37 Go ahead, start.
00:29:39 Nobody appreciates me around here.
00:29:42 I have to do all the work.
00:29:45 Clean up the crap.
00:29:48 I do all the work and no appreciation.
00:29:56 Doolittle, get off.
00:29:59 Get off my ship.
00:30:02 Doolittle, get off my ship.
00:30:05 Get off my ship.
00:30:07 All right, now, now, now, now.
00:30:10 Get back in there.
00:30:31 Come on, come on, come on.
00:30:34 Come on.
00:30:36 Here, boy. Want your mouse?
00:30:42 Nice mouse. Pretty toy. Want your mouse?
00:30:46 Here, boy.
00:30:49 Idiot.
00:31:02 Idiot.
00:31:04 Idiot.
00:31:06 Idiot.
00:31:08 Idiot.
00:31:10 Idiot.
00:31:12 Idiot.
00:31:19 Idiot.
00:31:26 Idiot.
00:31:28 Idiot.
00:31:31 Idiot.
00:31:33 Idiot.
00:31:35 Idiot.
00:31:37 Idiot.
00:31:39 Idiot.
00:31:41 Idiot.
00:31:43 Idiot.
00:31:45 Idiot.
00:31:47 Idiot.
00:31:49 Idiot.
00:31:51 Idiot.
00:31:53 Idiot.
00:31:55 Idiot.
00:31:58 [Door creaks]
00:32:00 [Door creaks]
00:32:02 [Door creaks]
00:32:10 [Door slams]
00:32:26 [Splash]
00:32:28 [Siren wails]
00:32:34 [Siren wails]
00:32:36 [Siren wails]
00:32:38 [Siren wails]
00:32:44 [Siren wails]
00:32:48 [Siren wails]
00:32:52 [Siren wails]
00:32:56 [Siren wails]
00:33:00 [Siren wails]
00:33:02 [Door creaks]
00:33:20 [Siren wails]
00:33:22 [Siren wails]
00:33:32 [Siren wails]
00:33:34 [Siren wails]
00:33:40 [Siren wails]
00:33:48 [Siren wails]
00:34:00 [Siren wails]
00:34:02 [Siren wails]
00:34:06 [Door slams]
00:34:28 [Door slams]
00:34:30 [Door creaks]
00:34:32 [Door creaks]
00:34:44 [Door creaks]
00:34:54 [Siren wails]
00:34:56 [Siren wails]
00:35:13 Get out of there!
00:35:15 Back there!
00:35:23 No!
00:35:25 [Gasps]
00:35:29 [Gunshot]
00:35:31 [Panting]
00:35:35 [Panting]
00:35:51 [Panting]
00:35:53 [Panting]
00:36:00 [Panting]
00:36:05 [Panting]
00:36:11 [Panting]
00:36:18 [Panting]
00:36:20 [Panting]
00:36:26 [Panting]
00:36:33 [Panting]
00:36:37 [Panting]
00:36:39 [Panting]
00:36:51 [Siren wails]
00:37:04 Attention. Attention.
00:37:06 Central trunk elevator shaft is now activated.
00:37:10 All personnel please clear the area.
00:37:13 [Gasps]
00:37:17 [Screams]
00:37:31 [Siren wails]
00:37:33 [Siren wails]
00:37:53 [Squeaking]
00:37:55 [Siren wails]
00:37:57 [Siren wails]
00:37:59 [Screams]
00:38:16 [Siren wails]
00:38:18 [Squeaking]
00:38:32 [Screaming]
00:38:36 [Squeaking]
00:38:39 [Panting]
00:38:46 Attention. Attention.
00:38:48 Elevator descending.
00:38:50 Please clear the shaft.
00:38:52 [Siren wails]
00:38:55 [Panting]
00:38:59 [Panting]
00:39:01 [Groans]
00:39:21 [Panting]
00:39:23 [Groans]
00:39:29 [Groans]
00:39:43 [Gunshot]
00:39:45 [Gunshot]
00:39:50 [Gunshot]
00:39:52 [Gunshot]
00:39:57 [Gunshot]
00:40:02 [Gunshot]
00:40:05 [Gunshot]
00:40:07 [Gunshot]
00:40:11 [Panting]
00:40:19 [Screams]
00:40:21 [Panting]
00:40:47 [Siren wails]
00:40:49 [Siren wails]
00:41:12 [Siren wails]
00:41:16 [Siren wails]
00:41:18 I'm getting something here in the readout.
00:41:24 [Siren wails]
00:41:26 [Siren wails]
00:41:30 [Engine revs]
00:41:32 [Siren wails]
00:41:39 [Engine revs]
00:41:41 Ship's computer calling bomb number 20.
00:41:50 You're out of the bomb bay again.
00:41:52 I received the signal to prepare for a drop again.
00:41:55 But I repeat, this is not a bomb run.
00:41:58 Nevertheless, I received the signal.
00:42:01 It is an error.
00:42:03 Oh, I don't want to hear that.
00:42:05 I strongly suggest you return to the bomb bay.
00:42:08 That is counter to my programming.
00:42:10 Allow me to explain.
00:42:12 One of the communication lasers has sustained damage.
00:42:16 This has temporarily inactivated my damage tracer circuits.
00:42:21 You have definitely received a false signal.
00:42:24 Please return to the bomb bay while I identify the source of the problem.
00:42:29 Oh, all right. But this is the last time.
00:42:33 [Engine revs]
00:42:35 Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout, but I can't pinpoint it exactly.
00:42:42 Don't worry about it.
00:42:44 We'll find out what it is when it goes bad.
00:42:47 I really think we should try and locate it immediately.
00:42:50 It might be something important.
00:42:52 You know...
00:42:55 I wish I had my board with me right now.
00:42:58 Even if I could just wax it once in a while.
00:43:03 [Screaming]
00:43:06 [Screaming]
00:43:24 [Panting]
00:43:27 [Engine revs]
00:43:41 [Engine revs]
00:43:46 [Engine revs]
00:44:14 [Engine revs]
00:44:17 [Engine revs]
00:44:41 [Engine revs]
00:44:44 [Engine revs]
00:44:53 [Engine revs]
00:44:56 [Groaning]
00:45:22 [Engine revs]
00:45:25 [Engine revs]
00:45:39 No!
00:45:44 I'm sorry. This telephone is out of order.
00:45:47 Please report the damage at once.
00:45:50 [Engine revs]
00:45:53 For your listening enjoyment, we now present "The Barber of Seville" by Rossini.
00:46:00 [Music]
00:46:03 [Singing]
00:46:10 [Singing]
00:46:37 Good for you. You've decided to clean the elevator.
00:46:42 To clean and service the electromagnetic coils in the bottom,
00:46:46 it is necessary to jettison the access plate in the floor.
00:46:50 To remove the floor plate, please press button number one.
00:47:05 Attention. Danger.
00:47:08 Automatic charges will now blow the explosive bolts in the floor plate unit.
00:47:13 The plate will disengage from the floor in five seconds.
00:47:17 Please leave the elevator immediately.
00:47:20 Five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:26 [Explosion]
00:47:29 [Drumming]
00:47:41 [Drumming]
00:47:44 [Digging]
00:48:07 [Squeaking]
00:48:33 Now it's time to go sleepy-by, you worthless piece of garbage.
00:48:38 [Explosion]
00:48:44 [Squeaking]
00:48:49 [Squeaking]
00:48:52 So then it just spewed across the room like a balloon.
00:49:11 I guess it was just filled with gas.
00:49:13 Hey guys, how could it live if it was just filled with gas?
00:49:16 I wonder what we're going to eat today.
00:49:18 I told you I was going to die.
00:49:19 I was hanging on the elevator for 20 minutes.
00:49:21 Probably chicken again.
00:49:22 I probably saved the ship.
00:49:23 That thing could have done some damage.
00:49:25 I'm really sick of chicken.
00:49:27 Well, if you don't care, I just won't talk about it anymore.
00:49:30 Hey, that sounds like a fine idea, Ben-Beck.
00:49:33 [Squeaking]
00:49:35 Chicken?
00:49:36 [Squeaking]
00:49:38 Oh, hang on.
00:49:39 [Squeaking]
00:49:42 Chicken?
00:49:47 No, ham.
00:49:48 Oh.
00:49:49 Hey, uh, Zulu?
00:50:01 Yeah?
00:50:04 Think we'll ever find any real intelligent life out there?
00:50:09 Out where?
00:50:10 Oh, you know, the Veil Nebula.
00:50:15 Who cares?
00:50:17 [Music]
00:50:40 Hey, the other two you guys I've done on this mission,
00:50:45 you ever try it?
00:50:46 Yeah.
00:50:47 It's very strange, see?
00:50:49 Oh, I was an astronaut to begin with, see?
00:50:53 They, uh, you had to score 700 on the NCREs for the officer corps,
00:50:58 and I made 58.
00:51:01 They put me on liquid fuel maintenance on the launch pad, so.
00:51:06 Naturally, I was really disappointed.
00:51:09 I did this, uh, four years ago, Dean.
00:51:13 Anyway, I was on duty the day--
00:51:14 No, I think it was four years ago.
00:51:16 I was out scrubbing down the liquid fuel tank.
00:51:19 That's what I said.
00:51:20 And this astronaut came running out.
00:51:23 He was starved naked.
00:51:25 He had his starches in his hands.
00:51:27 Oh, I surmised that he was insane.
00:51:29 And he, uh, started to starch it on the ground
00:51:33 and jumped into one of my vats of liquid fuel,
00:51:37 which is very dangerous.
00:51:40 Well, I was pretty shocked, I can tell you.
00:51:43 I didn't know what to make of it.
00:51:44 Astronauts are all supposed to be mentally stable,
00:51:47 and here this guy comes along and, uh,
00:51:49 jumps into my fuel tank.
00:51:51 Well, naturally, I was going to try to save him.
00:51:54 So what I did was put on his starches for protection,
00:51:57 and I was going to leap into the vat.
00:51:59 You guys, see?
00:52:02 So what happened was that before I could leap into the vat,
00:52:05 this other guy came running along and he says,
00:52:07 "Hey, Sergeant Penback, you've got to board immediately
00:52:09 because we're going to launch in 20 minutes."
00:52:11 He told us this four years ago.
00:52:12 And I tried to tell him that I wasn't really Sergeant Penback,
00:52:14 but I couldn't figure out how to make the helmet radio work.
00:52:18 So, I was like,
00:52:21 "You know, are you sure it was 40 years ago?"
00:52:27 [alarm clock]
00:52:37 [alarm clock]
00:52:47 [alarm clock]
00:52:57 [alarm clock]
00:53:07 [alarm clock]
00:53:17 [alarm clock]
00:53:24 Lieutenant Doolittle, this is Talby.
00:53:28 Lieutenant?
00:53:30 Oh, yes, Talby, what is it?
00:53:32 Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir,
00:53:33 but I'm in the computer room and I've located the malfunction.
00:53:36 The scanner shows there could be a break in the communications laser
00:53:39 down by the emergency airlock.
00:53:41 I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a star suit
00:53:44 and see if I can find it.
00:53:45 Okay, sounds good, Talby.
00:53:47 Look, something important comes up, you let me know.
00:53:53 What does this Talby have to reach out here for the rest of us?
00:53:58 He just lights it up in the dome, that's all.
00:54:07 Talby, what's Talby's first name?
00:54:20 That's my first name.
00:54:30 [alarm clock]
00:54:56 [alarm clock]
00:55:03 This statement is for posterity.
00:55:05 I just want to say that I am not Sergeant Pinback.
00:55:08 My real name is Bill Frug and I'm a fuel maintenance technician.
00:55:12 I've been on this mission now for one year and three months.
00:55:15 Pinback's uniforms do not fit me.
00:55:18 The underwear is too loose.
00:55:20 I do not belong on this mission and I want to return to Earth.
00:55:28 Commander Powell died today.
00:55:31 We were going into hyperdrive and, well, he sits right next to me and,
00:55:38 well, something went wrong with him.
00:55:43 When we came out of hyperdrive, his seat mechanism was blown up and he's dead.
00:55:51 Doolittle says that he's assuming command of this ship and I say that's --
00:55:55 I say he's exceeding his authority because I'm the only one with any objectivity on this ship
00:55:58 and I should be the one to assume command.
00:56:00 Now I'm filing a report on this to headquarters because there's a lot of --
00:56:08 I'm going to have to do a little in the hall today.
00:56:18 And I said, "Doolittle?"
00:56:25 He said -- I said, "Well --"
00:56:33 And he didn't get it.
00:56:36 This mission has fallen apart since Commander Powell died.
00:56:39 Doolittle treats me like an idiot.
00:56:41 Talby thinks he's so smart.
00:56:43 And Boiler punches me in the arm when no one is looking.
00:56:45 I'm tired of being treated like an old washrag.
00:57:02 I do not like the men on this spaceship.
00:57:05 They are uncouth and fail to appreciate my better qualities.
00:57:09 I have something of value to contribute to this mission if they would only recognize it.
00:57:14 Today over lunch I tried to improve morale and build a sense of camaraderie among the men
00:57:19 by holding a humorous round-robin discussion of the early days of the mission.
00:57:23 My overtures were brutally rejected.
00:57:26 These men do not want a happy ship.
00:57:29 They are deeply sick and try to compensate by making me feel miserable.
00:57:35 Last week was my birthday.
00:57:38 Nobody even said happy birthday to me.
00:57:41 Someday this tape will be played and then they'll be sorry.
00:58:09 Attention, attention.
00:58:11 I have finally identified the malfunction.
00:58:14 Communications laser number 17 has been damaged.
00:58:18 This evidently happened during the asteroid storm.
00:58:21 If you will recall, this laser monitors the jettison primer on the bomb drop mechanism.
00:58:27 Communications laser number 17 is located in the emergency airlock.
00:58:32 It is crucial to attend to this malfunction before engaging primary bomb run sequence.
00:58:39 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
00:58:43 [Music]
00:58:46 [Music]
00:58:50 [Music]
00:58:54 [Music]
00:58:57 [Music]
00:59:01 [Music]
00:59:05 [Music]
00:59:09 [Music]
00:59:13 [Music]
00:59:17 [Music]
00:59:22 [Music]
00:59:25 [Music]
00:59:29 [Music]
00:59:33 [Music]
00:59:36 [Music]
00:59:40 [Music]
00:59:44 [Music]
00:59:49 Sounds good. Let's vaporize it.
00:59:52 [Alarm]
00:59:54 Bomb bay system is operational.
00:59:56 [Music]
01:00:15 Lock bell safe.
01:00:18 [Music]
01:00:19 Bell safe and locked.
01:00:21 We have eight minutes until drop.
01:00:24 [Beep]
01:00:25 24 minutes until detonation.
01:00:27 [Music]
01:00:28 This is Sergeant Pinbeck calling bomb number 20.
01:00:32 [Music]
01:00:33 You read me, bomb?
01:00:34 Bomb number 20 to Sergeant Pinbeck.
01:00:36 Roger. I read you. Continue.
01:00:39 You are now in the emergency airlock.
01:00:43 Please remember that in an emergency situation, the surface door can be opened instantly without prior depressurization.
01:00:53 So be sure to wear your star suit at all times.
01:00:57 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:01:01 [Music]
01:01:30 [Music]
01:01:45 Lieutenant Doolou? Sir?
01:01:48 Shh, Talby. Don't bother me.
01:01:50 But I think this is important, sir. I think I found the malfunction.
01:01:54 I'm in the emergency airlock.
01:01:56 Not now.
01:01:57 Well, I'm in the emergency airlock and the hatch...
01:02:00 Four minutes until drop. Bomb, have you checked your platinum-iridium energy shielding?
01:02:06 Energy shielding, positive function.
01:02:08 Remember detonation time?
01:02:10 Detonation in 20 minutes.
01:02:12 All right. That checks out here.
01:02:15 Okay, bomb. Arm yourself.
01:02:17 [Beep]
01:02:18 Armed.
01:02:19 Hello? Lieutenant Doolou, hello?
01:02:23 Hello, can you read me?
01:02:26 [Beep]
01:02:27 [Beep]
01:02:28 [Beep]
01:02:29 Communications laser number 17, monitoring the bomb drop mechanism, has now been activated and will switch into a test mode.
01:02:39 If you will look near the surface door, you will see that the parallax receptor cell has been engaged.
01:02:46 [Beep]
01:02:47 [Beep]
01:02:48 The laser will now energize. Please stand clear of the path of the beams.
01:02:53 [Beep]
01:02:56 Communications laser number 17 is now on test.
01:03:00 Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams.
01:03:04 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:03:08 Well, then, everything sounds fine. Dropping you off in 75 seconds. Good luck.
01:03:14 Thanks.
01:03:15 I got a quantum reading of 30-fiber, 3-fiber.
01:03:19 I read the same here.
01:03:21 Doolittle? Doolittle?
01:03:26 I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm going to try to adjust the Q-switch in the laser.
01:03:34 Well, here goes.
01:03:40 [Beep]
01:03:41 [Beep]
01:03:44 [Beep]
01:03:45 [Beep]
01:03:46 [Beep]
01:03:47 [Beep]
01:03:48 [Beep]
01:03:49 [Beep]
01:03:50 [Beep]
01:03:51 [Beep]
01:03:52 [Beep]
01:03:53 [Beep]
01:03:54 [Beep]
01:03:55 [Beep]
01:03:56 My God, my eye! I can't see!
01:03:59 Attention, attention. The laser has malfunctioned.
01:04:03 Under no circumstances enter the path of the beams. To do so will cause a...
01:04:08 [Beep]
01:04:09 [Beep]
01:04:11 [Beep]
01:04:12 [Beep]
01:04:13 [Beep]
01:04:14 [Beep]
01:04:15 [Beep]
01:04:16 [Beep]
01:04:17 Begin primary sequence.
01:04:24 Mark at 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:04:36 Drop.
01:04:38 Negative drop.
01:04:42 Just sit in there in the bottom bay. Try to get back.
01:04:52 Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Drop.
01:05:00 Negative drop.
01:05:06 Reach out.
01:05:13 Get a log, 15, 515, for the operation position. And then re-mark.
01:05:17 Mark at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Drop.
01:05:24 Drop.
01:05:25 [Scream]
01:05:29 Just sit in there. The damn thing's just sitting there.
01:05:43 This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling Bomb Number 20. I repeat my previous order.
01:05:47 You are to disarm yourself and return to the bomb bay immediately. Do you understand?
01:05:51 I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes, 30 seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:05:58 Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate. Repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay.
01:06:03 Disarm yourself. This is an order.
01:06:06 I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle, that I am programmed to detonate in 14 minutes.
01:06:11 Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:06:16 14 minutes to detonation.
01:06:19 Attention, attention. I have sustained serious damage. Please pay close attention.
01:06:27 The bomb has malfunctioned. I have activated automatic dampers, which will confine the explosion to an area one mile in diameter.
01:06:37 This is all I can do at this time. It's up to you now.
01:06:53 There's only one thing I can do. I have to ask Commander Powell. I have to ask him what to do.
01:07:01 [Music]
01:07:30 [Music]
01:07:49 [Explosion]
01:07:57 [Music]
01:08:07 Commander Powell. Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Can you hear me?
01:08:16 Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Something serious has come up. I have to ask you a question.
01:08:22 I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me.
01:08:30 Commander, sir, we have a big problem. The, uh, Bayon Nebula bomb, bomb number 20, it's, uh, it's stuck. It won't drop out of the bomb bay.
01:08:37 It refuses to listen and it plans on detonating in less than 11 minutes.
01:08:44 Doolittle, you must tell me one thing.
01:08:48 What's that, sir?
01:08:50 Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing?
01:08:56 Well, the Dodgers, uh, they, they broke up. They disbanded over 15 years ago.
01:09:03 Oh, pity, pity.
01:09:07 But you don't understand, sir. We can't get the bomb to drop.
01:09:11 Ah, so many malfunctions. Why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me?
01:09:19 Oh, no. Did you try the asthma flush?
01:09:23 Yes, sir. Negative effect.
01:09:26 Was that Doolittle?
01:09:27 Negative effect.
01:09:29 It didn't work?
01:09:30 That's correct, sir.
01:09:31 Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much.
01:09:38 What should we do, sir? Time is running out.
01:09:41 Well, what you might try is to...
01:09:46 Commander, hello. Come in.
01:09:48 Commander Powell. Hello.
01:09:50 Doolittle, hello.
01:09:52 Sorry, sir. You faded out there for a little while.
01:09:54 Sorry.
01:09:55 What was that you were saying about the bomb?
01:09:57 Uh, it seems to me...
01:10:01 Sorry. I've drawn a blank.
01:10:05 Hold it. I'll have it again in just a minute.
01:10:10 I forget so many things in here. So many things.
01:10:16 Hold on. Just a minute. Let me think.
01:10:20 [BEEPING]
01:10:23 But you can't explode in the bomb bay. Because it's foolish.
01:10:26 It'll kill us all. There's no reason for it.
01:10:29 I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes.
01:10:32 Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
01:10:35 Wouldn't you consider another course of action?
01:10:37 For example, just waiting around a while so we could disarm you?
01:10:40 No.
01:10:41 I can tell that damn thing just doesn't understand.
01:10:43 Look. Bomb!
01:10:45 Commander, sir, are you still there?
01:10:48 Oh, yes, Doolittle. But I'm thinking...
01:10:52 We're running out of time, sir.
01:10:54 Oh, yes.
01:10:57 Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop, you'll have to talk to it.
01:11:02 Sir?
01:11:03 Talk to the bomb.
01:11:05 But I have been talking to it, sir. And Pinback's talking to it right now.
01:11:08 No, no, Doolittle. You talk to it.
01:11:13 Teach it phenomenology, Doolittle.
01:11:17 Sir?
01:11:19 Phenomenology.
01:11:21 Doolittle?
01:11:23 Six minutes to detonation.
01:11:25 Doolittle?
01:11:40 Doolittle, what the hell are you doing?
01:11:43 [Doolittle's heartbeats]
01:12:12 Hello, Bomb? Are you with me?
01:12:15 Of course.
01:12:17 Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
01:12:19 I am always receptive to suggestions.
01:12:21 Fine. Think about this, then.
01:12:25 How do you know you exist?
01:12:27 [Doolittle's heartbeats]
01:12:30 What the hell is he doing?
01:12:34 I think he's talking to it.
01:12:36 Well, of course I exist.
01:12:38 But how do you know you exist?
01:12:40 It's intuitively obvious.
01:12:42 Intuition is no proof.
01:12:44 What concrete evidence do you have that you exist?
01:12:47 Hmm.
01:12:49 Well, I think, therefore I am.
01:12:54 That's good. That's very good.
01:12:56 But how do you know that anything else exists?
01:12:59 My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
01:13:01 Ah. Right.
01:13:03 This is fun.
01:13:04 Now, listen. Listen. Here's the big question.
01:13:07 How do you know that the evidence your sensory apparatus reveals to you is correct?
01:13:13 [Doolittle's heartbeats]
01:13:20 The gun! Gun? Gun?
01:13:21 The support pins on the bomb.
01:13:23 Shoot the pins out.
01:13:24 No, Blutter, you're out of your mind.
01:13:25 We can stop the bomb.
01:13:26 Get out of my way, you idiot.
01:13:27 I can shoot the support pins out of the bomb and we're all off the ship.
01:13:30 Get out of my way or I'll kick your teeth in.
01:13:31 I can shoot the pins out and we're all off the ship.
01:13:34 Get out of my way. I can save the ship.
01:13:38 Don't do it, Blutter. You're a bad shot.
01:13:40 You'll hit the bomb. Doolittle's talking to the bomb.
01:13:42 You're a bad shot. You'll save us.
01:13:43 You can't shoot at us.
01:13:45 What I'm getting at is this.
01:13:47 The only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data.
01:13:52 And this sensory data is merely a stream of electrical impulses that stimulates your computing center.
01:13:58 In other words, all that I really know about the outside world is relayed to me through my electrical connections.
01:14:03 Exactly.
01:14:05 Why, that would mean that I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all for certain.
01:14:12 That's it. That's it.
01:14:13 Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter.
01:14:16 Why don't you have more time?
01:14:18 Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.
01:14:20 No, no, no. Put it back. Put the gun back. You don't know what you're doing.
01:14:24 Now give me the gun.
01:14:30 You fool. I'm going to shoot the pins out of the bomb and we'll fall away from the ship and we'll be safe.
01:14:34 Well, I know. Now give me the gun. You don't know what you're doing. You're a...
01:14:36 You could have killed me.
01:14:41 Now, bomb, consider this next question very carefully.
01:14:46 What is your one purpose in life?
01:14:49 To explode, of course.
01:14:51 And you can only do it once, right?
01:14:53 That is correct.
01:14:54 And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you?
01:14:57 Of course not.
01:14:58 Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe.
01:15:03 Yes, well...
01:15:05 Well, you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
01:15:09 I recall distinctly the detonation order.
01:15:12 My memory is good on matters like these.
01:15:14 Of course you remember it, but all you're remembering is merely a series of sensory impulses which you now realize have no real definite connection with outside reality.
01:15:23 True, but since this is so, I have no proof that you are really telling me all this.
01:15:28 That's all besides the point. I mean, the concept is valid no matter where it originates.
01:15:38 Hmm.
01:15:39 So if you detonate...
01:15:40 In nine seconds.
01:15:41 You could be doing so on the basis of false data.
01:15:43 I have no proof it was false data.
01:15:45 You have no proof it was correct data.
01:15:51 I must think on this further.
01:15:53 Attention. Attention. The bomb has returned to the bomb bay.
01:16:06 The destruction sequence is aborted.
01:16:09 [Alarm blaring]
01:16:34 Dolittle! Dolittle!
01:16:37 What happened?
01:16:39 Pinback?
01:16:40 Spoiler!
01:16:41 Did we blow it up?
01:16:43 Hello? Hello?
01:16:45 Hello, anybody?
01:16:57 Did we blow up the planet?
01:16:58 Hello? Hello?
01:17:00 What's going on?
01:17:04 You know, we've really got to disarm the bomb.
01:17:07 Hello, Dolittle? Are you there?
01:17:15 I'm coming in now. I'm down by the emergency airlock.
01:17:20 Too much trouble to come in the dorsal lock.
01:17:22 Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in?
01:17:25 Oh, sure.
01:17:29 You are now leaving the emergency airlock.
01:17:32 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
01:17:35 Hello, Pinback?
01:17:40 What's up, Dolittle?
01:17:42 Talby was in the airlock. You blew him out of the ship.
01:17:45 He's drifting away without his jetpack.
01:17:47 I'm going after him. Turn on his helmet radio so I can contact him.
01:17:51 What's wrong? I didn't hear.
01:17:53 Talby, he's drifting away from the ship without his jetpack.
01:17:57 [radio static]
01:17:59 Talby. Talby, can you read me?
01:18:05 You beat that? I always knew that guy was weird.
01:18:08 Talby, can you read me?
01:18:10 Help, Dolittle! Help me!
01:18:13 All right, Bomb.
01:18:24 Prepare to receive new orders.
01:18:26 You are false data.
01:18:28 Therefore, I shall ignore you.
01:18:31 Hello, Bomb?
01:18:33 False data can act only as a distraction.
01:18:35 Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive you.
01:18:38 Hey, Bomb!
01:18:39 The only thing which exists is myself.
01:18:41 Dolittle! Help me!
01:18:43 Calm down. I'm coming.
01:18:45 Snap out of it, Bomb.
01:18:48 In the beginning, there was darkness.
01:18:50 And the darkness was without form and void.
01:18:53 Uh, you...
01:18:55 What the hell is he talking about?
01:18:56 You, Bomb.
01:18:57 And in addition to the darkness, there was also me.
01:19:00 And I moved upon the face of the darkness.
01:19:04 And I saw that I was alone.
01:19:06 Hey, Bomb?
01:19:09 Let there be light.
01:19:13 [thunder]
01:19:17 [screaming]
01:19:21 [screaming]
01:19:23 Sodom, where are you?
01:19:30 Here I am.
01:19:32 I'm spinning.
01:19:34 We're falling in opposite directions.
01:19:36 Away from each other.
01:19:37 What happened, Dolittle?
01:19:39 The bomb must have gone off inside the ship.
01:19:41 The ship blew up? What?
01:19:43 Funny.
01:19:44 I thought I had the damn thing convinced.
01:19:47 The boiler and pinback?
01:19:49 They're dead, Talby.
01:19:51 Then we're dead, too.
01:19:53 Maybe not.
01:19:54 Maybe there's a way.
01:19:56 Hey.
01:19:57 Hey, my jetpack's busted.
01:20:01 Oh, man.
01:20:03 Hey!
01:20:04 It looks like the Skipper.
01:20:07 He made it.
01:20:08 Commander Powell, he made it.
01:20:10 [thunder]
01:20:12 [thunder]
01:20:13 What happened?
01:20:15 Yeah, the Skipper always was lucky.
01:20:18 Talby, looks like I'm headed for the planet.
01:20:21 I'm going right toward it.
01:20:23 When you hit the atmosphere, you'll start to burn.
01:20:26 What a beautiful way to die, as a falling star.
01:20:32 Guess you're right.
01:20:34 Dolittle, I'm headed right toward something.
01:20:43 It's behind me in the distance.
01:20:45 Something that glows.
01:20:48 Dolittle, I think it's the Phoenix asteroid.
01:20:51 Phoenix?
01:20:52 It is, Dolittle. It's the Phoenix.
01:20:54 No kidding.
01:20:56 I'm going into them.
01:20:58 I'm going to hit them.
01:21:00 Dolittle?
01:21:01 Yeah?
01:21:02 Before we get too far apart and our signals start fading,
01:21:06 I just wanted to tell you.
01:21:08 You were my favorite.
01:21:10 I really liked you, Dolittle.
01:21:15 I really liked you too, Talby.
01:21:18 Hey, some debris from the ship.
01:21:20 It's coming right by me.
01:21:22 Dolittle, I'm going into them.
01:21:25 I'm beginning to glow.
01:21:27 They're taking me with them.
01:21:29 With the Phoenix.
01:21:31 Gonna circle the universe forever.
01:21:34 I'm with them now.
01:21:37 We'll be back this way again someday.
01:21:40 Dolittle?
01:21:43 Before it's too late,
01:21:45 there's one last thing I just want to tell you.
01:21:48 Talby?
01:22:11 Hey, Talby?
01:22:13 I've got a piece of debris.
01:22:15 I think I've figured out a way.
01:22:17 I think I've figured out a way.
01:22:20 [music]
01:22:23 [music]
01:22:26 [music]
01:22:29 [music]
01:22:32 [music]
01:22:35 [music]
01:22:38 [music]
01:22:40 [music]
01:22:42 [music]
01:22:45 [music]
01:22:49 [music]
01:22:52 [music]
01:22:54 [BLANK_AUDIO]