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00:00It's the Beryl Show!
00:16This is a television studio, New York City.
00:19It's the largest television studio in New York City.
00:22Tonight we're going to take you backstage to show you how a television show is put together
00:26from the first day of rehearsal until the night it goes on.
00:29I happen to know about this.
00:31My name is Beryl. I'm a comic.
00:34Only my nose has been changed to protect the innocent.
00:40Here comes Mr. Beryl!
00:42Hello, Mr. Beryl.
00:44Hello, Mr. Beryl.
00:45Gee, you look nice today, Mr. Beryl.
00:47Good morning, Mr. Beryl.
00:49Good morning, Mr. Beryl.
00:50How are you, Mr. Beryl?
00:52Hey, I'd take your coat.
00:54Good morning, Mr. Beryl.
00:57Good morning, writers.
01:01To have a show, the first thing that you gotta do
01:04is get some writers with a very high IQ
01:07because the standards are demanding on TV.
01:10We always try to have originality.
01:13And now I'd like you all to meet our brilliant writers.
01:16They've got ideas. They've got ideas.
01:19Okay, what did you come up with?
01:24You're on a vacation.
01:26I don't have a squawk.
01:27You're flying to Rio.
01:29And Max has a hawk.
01:30So you're on a plane. You go out in the walk.
01:34It's funny that way.
01:36Don't you get it, Milton?
01:38No, no, no, no.
01:41Next department.
01:44The dance director is a man you all should know.
01:47It's up to him to put the glamour in the show.
01:50He shows the other dancers how to get the beat.
01:53It's always such a thrill to watch his nimble feet.
01:56Okay, Herbie, let's get to work.
01:59Dancing.
02:01We need dancing.
02:03I would like to see a bit of your technique.
02:06It's a samba or a mamba that I see.
02:09Of course!
02:10Or a tango where the dancing cheek to cheek.
02:14You like the cakes, Milton?
02:16No, no, no, no.
02:19Next department.
02:21The dress designer must exhibit perfect taste.
02:25Because he's got to fit the hips and hump the waist.
02:28I know he's conscientious when he does his bit.
02:31He measures 20 times to get the proper fit.
02:34Aye, aye. Aye, aye. Aye, aye. Aye, aye.
02:39Aye, aye. Aye, aye. Aye, aye. Aye, aye.
02:42How about a tropical costume, with a Latin feeling that looks appealing, the South American way.
03:03You like the costume?
03:04No, no, no, no.
03:12You told me your ideas and I suppose they're all okay.
03:15But I've decided to rehearse the show my own personal way.
03:28I'll start the show off with Max in a plane.
03:31The capes will twirl to a Latin refrain.
03:34The gowns will be suggestive of Spain.
03:37How do I think of these things?
03:39We don't know.
03:40Up in the plane, I'm happy and gay.
03:43Good!
03:44Then I see Max, but I don't want to stay.
03:46Max!
03:47So I step out.
03:48It's funny that way.
03:50How do I think of these things?
03:52You're a wiz!
03:54Oh, thank goodness it's great.
03:55You're as bright as a man could be.
03:58You know, I almost forgot what a genius I am.
04:02Until you reminded me.
04:04Uh-huh!
04:05Now you realize we mustn't be trite.
04:08Sure!
04:09It's got to work right.
04:10It's got to be bright.
04:11What?
04:12Create the next show that I'm going to write.
04:14Oh!
04:15How do you think of these things?
04:17How do I think of these things?
04:19Open it, girl!
04:30How do I think of these things?
04:32I don't know.
04:34All right.
04:40How do I think of these things?
04:42Oh, no!
04:52On the camera three, please.
05:03Why does he think of these things?
05:06Look at these things.
05:08One more thing we're fully aware.
05:11We must get laughs when we're on the air.
05:14That's why I've got my mother out there.
05:17How do we think of these things?
05:20These wonderful, fabulous things!
05:3711.45 a.m.
05:39This is the first day of rehearsal.
05:42I'll give you all the facts, ma'am.
05:44This is the day the guest stars meet for the first time.
05:47They get to know each other.
05:49The next day, they call each other by their first names.
05:52By the end of the week, they call each other names.
05:55These are the scripts that the guest stars will soon begin to read.
05:59They're going to read them.
06:02These are the scripts that the guest stars will soon begin to read.
06:06Those who can read.
06:08The big concern of guest stars is the number of jokes they have.
06:11So the first thing they do is to count the jokes.
06:14Those who can count.
06:16There were a star who thinks he hasn't got enough jokes.
06:19It's the same problem every week.
06:22The star with the smallest talent makes the biggest disturbance.
06:25I haven't got enough jokes!
06:28I just haven't got enough jokes!
06:30Fine writers.
06:31The jokes they gave me could fit on a piece of confetti.
06:34Never saw shit.
06:35This is a funny line.
06:36Ladies and gentlemen.
06:39Ladies and gentlemen.
06:40The only way to get a laugh with ladies and gentlemen is to stand between two doors and point.
06:47This is the way I'll have to wait for it on the show, too.
06:51Funny lines.
06:52Toscanini could get bigger laughs with his violin section.
06:55I never heard a section.
06:56Oh, here's a funny line.
06:57This is a scream.
06:59Hello, Dagmar.
07:00Hello, Denise.
07:01What do you know, girls?
07:06What do you know, girls?
07:07That's a line for Dr. Kinsey.
07:11This has got to be done.
07:12Where's my secretary?
07:13Max, Max, where are you?
07:14Max, come over here.
07:15I want something done immediately.
07:19Out of the question.
07:20What is this all about?
07:21Listen, you read the script.
07:22Why don't you call me?
07:23You know what?
07:24What am I paying you for?
07:25Why don't you warn me about these things?
07:26Why don't you answer me?
07:27Repeat the question, please.
07:30I said you read the script.
07:31Why didn't you call me?
07:32I'm sorry, Milton, but I'm never calling you up anymore.
07:35That's not what I mean.
07:36I've decided that the only way to get you interested in me
07:39is to go out with other fellows and make you jealous,
07:41my mother told me.
07:44So last night I went out with another fellow.
07:46Good, I'm glad to hear it.
07:47I hope you enjoyed yourself.
07:48You see, you're getting jealous already.
07:52I'm not getting jealous already.
07:53I'm getting nauseous already.
07:54That's what it is.
07:55I'm so jealous I could jump off the bridge
07:57if you held my hand.
07:59After tonight I'm going out with another fellow.
08:01Oh, that's fine.
08:02He's taking me out in a boat.
08:03Good, good.
08:04We're going rowing in Ebbets Field.
08:08Rowing in Ebbets Field?
08:09Ebbets Field is a ballpark.
08:11There's no water there.
08:12He said there were an awful lot of tears there last week.
08:20Maybe that's why they call it the Brooks.
08:22Now look, here's what I want you to do.
08:24I want you to take care of everything.
08:25You understand?
08:26We have a rehearsal here.
08:27Nobody showed up.
08:28Nobody showed up.
08:29Only myself.
08:30I've showed up.
08:31In first place, Jackie Cooper,
08:33who is usually on time, is not here.
08:35Oh, he's wonderful.
08:36You like him, huh?
08:37I loved him in High Noon.
08:41That's Gary.
08:42Gary, the one who's married to Betty Davis?
08:45That's Meryl.
08:46Meryl.
08:47Meryl, the one who sings in opera?
08:50That's Robert.
08:51Oh, there's no Hope.
08:52Robert Hope was in High Noon?
08:56Yeah, Robert Hope was...
08:57He was in the sequel to High Noon.
08:59The Road to High Noon.
09:01He was with Crosby.
09:02Crosby, the one who writes the column?
09:05That's John.
09:06John, now stop it.
09:07Stop it.
09:08That's John Daly with Stop It.
09:13I should have kept Mum.
09:14Look what happened.
09:15Look what happened to me.
09:16I call a rehearsal, nobody's here.
09:18I call a rehearsal at 10.30
09:19and I'm the first one here at quarter of 12.
09:23I've got to have some more discipline.
09:24You understand, Max?
09:25More discipline with the whole rehearsal.
09:26Hi, I'm Elton.
09:27I'm Jackie Cooper.
09:33Well, uh...
09:35Good to see you, Mr. Cooper.
09:36Very glad that you showed up right on time.
09:38Makes no difference.
09:39I call a rehearsal at 10.15 or 10.30
09:41and it's now 12.20
09:43and I was only waiting here three hours.
09:45Doesn't make any difference.
09:47All right.
09:48Enjoy yourself.
09:49Have a little smoke.
09:50Sit down and relax.
09:51Gee, Milton, you're a pretty nice guy.
09:53Thank you very much.
09:54And everybody said you were such a beast.
09:58No, I'm not a beast.
09:59I'm just a perfectionist, that's all.
10:00I work hard all week.
10:01I work like a horse.
10:02I drive like a tiger to put the show on.
10:04I've got the courage of a lion to stay in this business
10:07and at the end of the week, I'm tired as a dog.
10:09Hey, you want to know something?
10:10No matter which way you look at it,
10:11I still turn out to be a beast.
10:14This is silly.
10:15Listen, we've got to get this...
10:16Oh, pardon me.
10:17I'm awfully sorry.
10:18I'd like you to meet Jack...
10:19Mr. Cooper, this is...
10:20Mr. Cooper, this is my secretary, Max.
10:22Hi.
10:23No.
10:26This is Jackie.
10:27He was a kiddie star out in California.
10:29He was in the picture years ago
10:30with Charlie Chaplin in The Kid.
10:32That's funny.
10:33No, Milton, that was Jackie Coogan.
10:34Oh, yeah.
10:35He was in that other picture, Captain's Courageous.
10:36That's the picture.
10:37Milton, that was Freddy Bartholomew.
10:39Oh, I know.
10:40The picture you sang.
10:41On a good kid, lollipop on a good kid...
10:43Milton, that was Shirley Temple.
10:45Oh, yeah.
10:47Oh, I remember the picture you were in, Skippy.
10:50You were just a little boy
10:51and you used to pout all the time.
10:52Oh, now, come on, Milton.
10:53Forget all about that.
10:54I'm a big boy now.
10:55Yeah?
10:56I go out with girls.
10:57I'm a girl.
11:00When you leave...
11:01I remember the picture.
11:02You were just a little boy.
11:03Now, I'd have to talk...
11:04Milton, really, I wish you'd think of me
11:05as a grown-up actor.
11:06A grown-up actor?
11:07I was hoping maybe you'd have something
11:08dramatic for me to do on the show.
11:09Dramatic in this show?
11:10This is a comedy show.
11:11We don't do dramatics on this show.
11:12I'm sorry.
11:13Well, a couple of weeks ago,
11:14you had Frank Sinatra on the show
11:15and he did a dramatic sketch.
11:16Yeah, but he's a singer.
11:17I mean, look.
11:19You don't do...
11:20You don't do dramatics on...
11:21What do you want to do dramatics for?
11:22Why?
11:23Milton, I want to get a hold of something
11:24stirring, stimulating, exciting.
11:26I'm a girl.
11:27Oh, quiet.
11:28A girl what?
11:29Now, look.
11:30Would you do me a favor?
11:31Would you relax?
11:32Everything will be all right.
11:33We've got to get some swell things in this show.
11:35Me so darling.
11:37Oh, Denise Darcelle.
11:38Oh, my girl.
11:42Hello, Denise.
11:43Hello.
11:44Hello.
11:45Now, this is what I call a girl.
11:47Compared to her, you're a boy.
11:51Denise, you look beautiful.
11:52You're charming.
11:53You're beautiful.
11:54You're gorgeous.
11:55I never mind the malarkey.
11:56Malarkey?
11:57Let me look at my script.
11:58Where are my jokes in the show?
12:00The jokes?
12:01Yes, you know, the snappers, the boffs, the yaks.
12:03The snappers, the boffs, the yaks.
12:06You tell...
12:07I know you can tell jokes.
12:08I know you step on a stage,
12:09you'll tell some of the best jokes
12:10anybody ever saw.
12:11But I don't think...
12:13I don't think...
12:14Why do you want to tell jokes?
12:15But that's absurd.
12:16You're gorgeous.
12:17You're beautiful.
12:18Oh, you're fascinating.
12:19Unfascinate me.
12:21Unfascinate?
12:22Show me the script.
12:23The script?
12:24Well, Max, will you get
12:25Ms. Darcelle's script, please?
12:26I said get Ms. Darcelle's script, please.
12:28She's going to do a strip team.
12:30Now...
12:33Yeah, will you take off, please?
12:35Will you get the script?
12:37This is your script,
12:38and I'm sure you're going to be very, very good.
12:39I hope you gave me something exciting.
12:41I want something that I can throw myself into
12:43with all my heart.
12:44I'm a boy.
12:45Oh, quiet.
12:47Oh, pardon me.
12:48Denise, this is...
12:49I don't think you know her.
12:50This is Jackie Cooper.
12:51Jackie Cooper, mon amour.
12:53Chéri, comment vas-y?
12:55Oh, je suis heureuse de le voir, chéri.
13:00You two should get to know each other.
13:03I was trying to...
13:07I was trying to tell...
13:08I was trying to ask Jackie...
13:09Jackie was in that picture.
13:10Jackie was...
13:13Jackie was in that picture
13:14with the Andy Hardy series.
13:15That was Mickey Rooney.
13:19I'm trying to think
13:20of the name of that picture.
13:21I'm trying to think.
13:22Keep thinking.
13:25What's the name of that picture?
13:26Jackie, you're the champ.
13:28That's it, the champ
13:29with Wallace Berry.
13:30That's the name.
13:31Jackie, what are you going to be doing
13:33for the next 10 or 20 years?
13:35Come with me to Paris.
13:37You and I on the Champs-Élysées.
13:40That's Champs-Élysées.
13:43She comes from Europe.
13:44She don't even know how to pronounce the word.
13:45Jackie, have you ever been to Paris?
13:47Yes, I've been there a couple of times.
13:49It would be so wonderful.
13:51You and I in Paris.
13:52I will show you all the sights.
13:54With Napoleon's tomb.
13:56Napoleon's tomb.
13:57That's where Grand is buried.
13:58We will go to the Louvre.
13:59The Louvre.
14:00The water's very healthy there.
14:01It's so romantic.
14:02You and I.
14:03We will sit beside the Seine.
14:04Johnny Seine.
14:05He's a wonderful painter.
14:06Paris is so wonderful.
14:07L'amour, l'amour.
14:09L'amour, l'amour.
14:10Maybe I should have got Dorothy for the show.
14:13Denise.
14:14I can tell by your enthusiasm.
14:16You really love Paris, don't you?
14:18Do I love Paris?
14:20Why, I'm crazy about Paris.
14:28Paris so soon?
14:30I love Paris in the springtime.
14:34What happened?
14:35I love Paris in the fall.
14:38I love Paris.
14:39Well.
14:40I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles.
14:43I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles.
14:47I love Paris every moment.
14:51Every moment of the year.
14:55I love Paris.
14:57Oh, why, oh, why do I love Paris?
14:59Because my love is here.
15:04Chérie.
15:05Un amour près de moi.
15:07Oh, la, la, la.
15:09C'est magnifique.
15:11Et quand tu te nies.
15:14Dansons la Java.
15:16Oh, la, la, la.
15:18C'est magnifique.
15:20Chérie.
15:21Les mots d'amour.
15:23Que tu me dis, tu vas.
15:25Oh, la, la, la.
15:27Ils sont tragiques.
15:29Magique, on les aime.
15:30Chérie.
15:31Mais quand tu me dis.
15:33Je t'adore.
15:34Oh, la, la, la.
15:35C'est magnifique.
15:36Oh, la, la, la.
15:37Oh, la, la, la.
15:38Oh, la, la, la.
15:39Oh, la, la, la.
15:40Oh, la, la, la.
15:41Oh, la, la, la.
15:42Oh, la, la, la.
15:43Oh, la, la, la.
15:44Oh, la, la, la.
15:45Oh, la, la, la.
15:46Oh, la, la, la.
15:47Oh, la, la, la.
15:48Oh, la, la, la.
15:49Oh, la, la, la.
15:50Oh, la, la, la.
15:51Oh, la, la, la.
15:52Oh, la, la, la.
15:53Oh, la, la, la.
15:54Oh, la, la, la.
15:55Oh, la, la, la.
15:56Oh, la, la, la.
15:57Oh, la, la, la.
15:58Oh, la, la, la.
15:59Oh, la, la, la.
16:00Oh, la, la, la.
16:01Oh, la, la, la.
16:02Oh, la, la, la.
16:03Oh, la, la, la.
16:04Oh, la, la, la.
16:05Oh, la, la, la.
16:06Oh, la, la, la.
16:07Oh, la, la, la.
16:08Oh, la, la, la.
16:09Oh, la, la, la.
16:10Oh, la, la, la.
16:11Oh, la, la, la.
16:12Oh, la, la, la.
16:13Oh, la, la, la.
16:14Oh, la, la, la.
16:15Oh, la, la, la.
16:16Oh, la, la, la.
16:17Oh, la, la, la.
16:19Hey!
16:20Hey!
16:21Come here.
16:22That's going to be a great number.
16:25We'll do that.
16:26We'll do that number right in the show.
16:27And it'll be terrific.
16:28We'll sit down here.
16:29We'll discuss the number.
16:30And everything will be fine.
16:31Huh?
16:32But, Milton, I don't want to sing or dance.
16:34You don't want to sing or dance?
16:35I want to tell jokes.
16:36Yeah?
16:37I can see here in the script.
16:38Yeah?
16:39I have very little material.
16:40Very little material?
16:41Well, I'll get you dressed to match.
16:43And nobody will care what they're saying.
16:44Milton, you don't understand.
16:46Yeah?
16:47I want jokes.
16:48Jokes?
16:49Do you know what a joke is?
16:53Do I know what a joke is?
16:55I don't only know what a joke is.
16:58I know what it is, where it is, whose it is, and how I can get it.
17:05Let's talk to her.
17:06Hello, everybody.
17:07Dagmar.
17:12Dagmar.
17:13Hello, Mr. Burrow, you all.
17:15Hello, Dagmar.
17:16Hello, Dagmar.
17:17All of you.
17:19Dagmar, why are you late?
17:20Why are you late?
17:21Mr. Burrow, I told the taxi driver to take me to the theater.
17:23Yeah.
17:24So he took me to see Wonderful Town.
17:25Yeah?
17:26And I had to stand in line for three hours.
17:27That isn't what...
17:28There were so many people there.
17:29All right.
17:30Will you move over and sit right down?
17:31Fine.
17:32I would...
17:33What's that?
17:34It's a mink coat.
17:35But you know what you got here?
17:37I not only know what I got.
17:38Yeah?
17:39I know how I got it, where I got it, and how I can get another one.
17:43My brother-in-law's a furrier.
17:45Oh.
17:46I know him.
17:47I.J. Wolfe.
17:48I mean, I.J. Wolfe.
17:49Oh, Dagmar.
17:50This...
17:51Oh, look what I'm sitting between.
17:53This is Denise Garcelle.
17:55This is Dagmar.
17:56Dagmar.
17:57Denise Garcelle.
17:58Dagmar.
17:59Denise Garcelle.
18:00Three Ds.
18:01I'm sitting between the bad and the bountiful.
18:03The bad and the bountiful.
18:05You look very, very lovely.
18:06Hello.
18:07We have met, no?
18:08We have met, yes.
18:10We have met, yes.
18:12You have a very cute accent.
18:14You must be from out of town.
18:20This is Denise Garcelle.
18:21She's from Paris.
18:22Paris.
18:23Oh, I remember.
18:24When I was in Paris, I went sightseeing.
18:26And I saw you and that handsome gentleman standing in front of the famous Eiffel Tower.
18:33I said Eiffel.
18:34I don't blame you, honey.
18:35I would have fallen for him, too.
18:38Now, you two end ladies, but let an aging straight man get a line in here.
18:41Oh, pardon me.
18:42Jackie, I want you to meet Dagmar.
18:44This is Jackie Cooper.
18:46Well, hello.
18:47I'm very happy to meet you.
18:48I heard so much about you.
18:50Now that I see you in person, I realize you're even more attractive than I expected.
18:53You have excellent taste.
18:57Hello, honey.
18:58I remember you.
18:59Hello, Dagwood.
19:02Not Dagwood.
19:03It's Dagmar.
19:04Oh, is that all?
19:05Just Dagmar?
19:06What comes after Dagmar?
19:08The entire male population.
19:10And keep quiet.
19:12I don't know where your brain is, but join it.
19:14Will you, please?
19:16We've got us wasting enough time.
19:17Now, let's go.
19:18You get your script.
19:19That's your script.
19:20Mr. Burrell.
19:21Yes, what is it?
19:22I don't see a song here in the script for me.
19:23I was...
19:24What?
19:25A song in the script.
19:26I don't see one for me.
19:27You want to sing a song on my show?
19:29I have a lovely voice.
19:30Have you?
19:31A gentleman told me the other day, I sing just like a nightingale.
19:36What kind of voice have you got?
19:37I'm a messy soprano.
19:40What key are you singing?
19:41Foxtrot.
19:42I thought so.
19:44Well, no...
19:45You want to sing a song?
19:46Well, look.
19:47This is going to be a great rehearsal.
19:48This is going to be a very fine rehearsal.
19:49I've got a comedian here who wants to sing.
19:51I've got a singer here who wants to tell jokes.
19:53And I've got a juvenile delinquent over here
19:55who wants to be a romantic lover.
19:57What am I going to do on the show?
19:58If there's anybody going to ruin my show,
20:00it'll be Milton...
20:01I don't know what I'm saying.
20:02Everybody's here but Victor Moon.
20:04Victor Moon, he'll no doubt...
20:05He'll show up the next thing you know.
20:06He'll come in and he'll say that he's not satisfied
20:08with what's going on.
20:09He'd rather be off the show entirely
20:10if I let him out of his contract.
20:11Milton, Milton!
20:12Yeah, what is it?
20:13Victor Moon just called up.
20:14He said he's not satisfied with what he's got to do
20:16and he'd rather be off the show entirely
20:18if you let him out of his contract.
20:19I know.
20:21There's an echo here.
20:23He didn't?
20:24Say that.
20:25Well, he called from the hotel.
20:26I'm going to go up and get him on the phone.
20:28I...
20:29This is the end.
20:30This...
20:31This is the end.
20:32I'm not going to book any more guest stars anymore.
20:34I'm going to do a single from now on.
20:36I'll get myself a Tony.
20:38A piano.
20:39A candelabra and...
20:41And then...
20:42I'll do a Liberace.
20:45In case the world is ready for another Liberace.
20:49I'm going over to Victor Moon's house right away.
20:53Well, in that case, I'm going over to the luncheonette
20:55and get myself some coffee.
20:56I can look at the script while I'm over there.
20:58Uh, Mr. Cooper?
20:59Yes?
21:00Are you single?
21:02Currently, yes.
21:03All of it?
21:04If you'd like me to type any changes in your script,
21:07I can type them for you while you and I are having dinner together.
21:11And then later you can dictate anything you want to me
21:13while we're dancing together at the Copa.
21:15Oh, well, really, I think I'm going to be kind of busy
21:17this week to be going out.
21:18And next year when you're on the show again?
21:20No, I don't think I can.
21:22The year after that?
21:23No, I have a date that year.
21:241956?
21:25No, I'll be busy voting.
21:271957?
21:29No.
21:30Mr. Cooper, I'm giving you the best years
21:32of my life.
21:34All right, I'll think about it and I'll see you later.
21:39Fresh.
21:42Max, what are you doing?
21:43Are you playing the field now?
21:45I always thought you were head over tails
21:47in love with Milton.
21:49Haven't you heard?
21:50Wasn't it in the gossip column?
21:52Milton and I are an atom.
21:54An atom?
21:55You mean an item.
21:56No, an atom.
21:57We split up.
21:58We split up.
22:00I'm not going after Milton anymore.
22:02I'm going out with other fellas to make them jealous.
22:04Now, that's the idea, sweetie.
22:06You gotta ignore men to make them notice you.
22:08I've been ignoring men for years.
22:10That's why I'm so popular.
22:12Men are crazy about ignorant girls.
22:14Oh, no, no, you are wrong.
22:16If a woman loves a man, she must tell him so.
22:19A woman must always win the man.
22:21You must tell him that you love him
22:23because he's so intelligent, so clever, so smart.
22:26You must tell him all these things because,
22:28well, because men are so stupid.
22:30Max, honey, you listen to me.
22:32That may work over in Paris for those French frow lines.
22:37Over here, if you want to get a man,
22:39you gotta be cool and calm.
22:40And soon, you'll be collecting.
22:42No, no, no.
22:44Love must be warm.
22:45A woman tell a man how fiercely the fire of love
22:48burns inside of her.
22:50Then he will give her plenty of eyes.
22:52Max, honey, you listen to me.
22:53Be cold.
22:54Listen to me.
22:55Be hot.
22:56Be cold.
22:57Be hot.
22:58Is that what I'm supposed to do?
23:00Oh, no.
23:01I'm not gonna go out and buy Milton any bracelets.
23:04♪
23:151.15.
23:16Since 10.30, I've been trying to get the rehearsal started.
23:19Being the star of my own television show,
23:21you wouldn't think I'd have to go to a hotel
23:23for the singer to come on the show.
23:25But if the mountain won't come to Mohammed,
23:27Mohammed must go to the Waldorf.
23:29That's me, Mohammed Burrell.
23:31That's my man name.
23:33So I had to try to pacify Victor Mone.
23:39♪
23:51I have to be careful how I treat these Hollywood stars.
23:54In the first place, in order to get him on the show,
23:56I had a promise I'd say that Victor Mone appears
23:58through the courtesy of MGM, producers of Mogambo,
24:01starring Clark Gable and Ava Gardner.
24:03I'm not gonna say it after he's on the show,
24:05but he doesn't know it.
24:082.15.
24:09It took a solid hour of talking to make myself clear.
24:13But he finally understood what I was talking about.
24:15Milton, I don't understand what you're talking about.
24:18Now, Vic, please.
24:19What's bothering you?
24:20What are you worried about?
24:21I'm worried about DeMone.
24:22What?
24:23I'm worried about DeMone.
24:24Paisano, you don't have to worry about DeMone.
24:26I got plenty of DeMone.
24:27I give you DeMone.
24:29What are you worried about?
24:30Milton, it's very simple.
24:31What's simple?
24:32What?
24:33I'll come on your show if I can appear
24:34in a dramatic play of some kind.
24:35You?
24:36A dramatic play.
24:37You, a dramatic play?
24:38Well, that's silly.
24:39Why not?
24:40You'll let Sinatra do it.
24:41Yeah, but he's a singer.
24:42I mean, look.
24:43No, I mean, Vic, I'm sorry.
24:44Why don't you be on my show?
24:45You'd be on my show.
24:46You'd be wonderful on your show.
24:47Last week, you'll do what?
24:48You'll sing a song like Eddie Fisher.
24:51Who's she?
24:52I was...
24:54Who's she?
24:56She's Mel Torme with the fog lifter.
24:58That's who she is.
25:01You'll be a singer.
25:02You'll be a great singing star.
25:03You'll be sensational on the show.
25:04Not only that.
25:05Let me just tell you one thing.
25:06You've just made a picture.
25:07You haven't made a picture yet,
25:08but I know you signed with MGM.
25:09Is that right?
25:10Well, your picture won't be out for another year.
25:11But I want the people to see you as you are.
25:13Handsome.
25:14Brilliant.
25:15Charming.
25:18Sometimes you have to smear these guys pretty good.
25:21I really smeared it on, Vic.
25:24This is what is known as Vic Sav.
25:27In fact, we slob it all over the guy.
25:29And I know how to do that.
25:30My name is Burl.
25:32I'm a slob.
25:36Milton, you sure know how to butter me up.
25:38Well, why don't you listen?
25:39But I can't take a chance of coming on your show
25:41and not doing good.
25:43Oh, darling, you'll do great.
25:44You come on, you sing a song, you'll be great.
25:46But suppose something should happen.
25:47What do you mean?
25:48And I'm not.
25:49They may drag me back in the army.
25:50What are you worried if you go back in the army?
25:52So you'll be back in the army with Deborah Buick.
25:55Deborah Buick.
25:56It's Deborah Carr.
25:57Don't you know your movie stars?
25:58It's Deborah Buick.
25:59Don't you know my sponsor?
26:03Listen.
26:04I've had enough of this.
26:05I embarrassed myself.
26:06Come over here to the Waldorf.
26:07But I'm not going to stand for this anymore.
26:08I am the producer of my show and I'll do what I want.
26:11And you're going to listen to me
26:12because you got a contract.
26:13You listen to me.
26:14I don't want to hear it.
26:17You try to be nice and when it doesn't work,
26:19you got to get tough.
26:20You have to lay down the law.
26:22That's what I did.
26:23I got tough.
26:24And I got results.
26:29Please come on the show.
26:32Please, I beg of you, please.
26:33Milton, stop it.
26:34You're crying all over my crease.
26:37Will you come on the show?
26:38I'm tired of...
26:39I'll come on your show and I'll sing.
26:41You sing good.
26:42What song will you sing on the show?
26:44What do you like?
26:45Well, how about...
26:46Any song you suggest.
26:47Well, how about No Other Love of Mine?
26:48Okay, I'll sing April in Portugal.
26:51April in Portugal.
26:52No, but haven't you got any other songs?
26:54I have a whole selection of records over there, Milton.
26:56These are all your records?
26:57Why don't you take a pick?
26:58Oh, sure.
26:59Those are Mercury Records.
27:00Mercury Records.
27:01That's wonderful.
27:02Here's a good one.
27:04April in Portugal.
27:09This one I like.
27:11April in Portugal.
27:13Oh, this is a pip.
27:15April in Portugal.
27:18Oh, this is very lovely.
27:20Very lovely.
27:21April in Portugal.
27:24This is the one that I want you to sing.
27:26Fine.
27:27April in Portugal.
27:29This is a little latest one.
27:30This is April 21st in Portugal.
27:33Will you sing it?
27:34Can I play it?
27:35I'd love to.
27:36I'd like to hear you sing.
27:37I want to see how it sounds on the show.
27:46I found my April dream
27:51In Portugal with you
27:56When we discovered romance
28:00Like I never knew
28:03My head was in the clouds
28:07My heart in a crazy tune
28:12Crazy tune
28:14And madly I said
28:17I love you
28:22This sad reality
28:26You know it couldn't be
28:31That's Portugal in love in April
28:37The music and the wine
28:42Convinced me you were mine
28:46But it was just the spring fooling me
28:55I found my April dream
29:00In Portugal with you
29:05When we discovered romance
29:09Like I never knew
29:12There's one for me
29:17And now my dreams are through
29:21But still my heart says
29:29I love you
29:48Boy!
29:49I'm telling you, that's the most sensational delivery.
29:52You're sensational.
29:53That's the song that I want you...
29:54Would you come back to the theater, the rehearsal?
29:56Will you rehearse the song happily?
29:57I'll get the coat.
29:58No, no.
29:59I'll get the coat.
30:01I'll get the coat.
30:02You be my guest.
30:062.45, I finally got him going.
30:09No one realizes how tough it is to put on a television show.
30:12It's tougher than watching it.
30:14To make the cast happy, you wouldn't believe what a star has to stoop to.
30:18But I can do it.
30:19My name is Burl.
30:21I'm a stoop.
30:283.30, back at the theater, the guest stars are going crazy.
30:33Whenever there's a little break in rehearsal, all actors kill time by practicing their hidden talents.
30:38Who knows?
30:39If things get real bad, they may have to start over again with Arthur Godfrey.
30:44Jackie Cooper thinks he's a drummer.
30:46Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:48Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:50Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:52Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:54Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:56Hey, hey, hey, hey!
30:58Hey, hey, hey, hey!
31:02Uh-uh, now Dagmar's gonna get into the act.
31:05She thinks she has a hidden talent.
31:07Although how that girl can hide anything, I don't know.
31:11This wasting time is what costs so much money in television.
31:15Uh-huh, here comes the star of the show.
31:18He'll soon put a stop to this nonsense.
31:20He'll get everybody down to business.
31:23Now, cut out the drumming.
31:25We start.
31:26I want to start, Maria.
31:27Will you cut it out?
31:28Cut it out.
31:29I want to cut.
31:30I want to cut this.
31:31I want to cut that.
31:32I want to cut that.
31:33I want to cut it out!
31:38Well.
31:40Hmm.
31:41I'm sorry, Mr. Benny.
31:42It's not Benny.
31:43It's Burleson.
31:44Please, now, I went over to the ward up to get Victor Moan because he didn't show up.
31:48And here's Victor.
31:49Where did Victor Moan go?
31:51Just one minute away from me and he flew.
31:53I don't...
31:54Oh, I know what he did.
31:55He stopped off at that luncheonette right next to the rehearsal here.
31:58I'll go over there.
31:59Don't you do anything until I get back.
32:03All ready, boys?
32:04Yeah.
32:05Hit it, Jack.
32:10Are you ready, boys?
32:11Yeah!
32:12Children, turn to page 52.
32:14Hey!
32:15Pay attention while I read to you.
32:16Hey!
32:17Hey!
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34:43Denise, now, sir.
34:44Have you two met?
34:45Yes.
34:46Vic D'Amour.
34:48He's my favorite of all singers.
34:49Yeah?
34:50Next to my own countryman Maurice Chevalier.
34:53It's not Maurice Chevalier.
34:55It's Maurice Buick.
34:56Now, please.
34:57Milton, I've been thinking some more about doing that dramatic sketch.
35:00Don't think.
35:01Don't think at all.
35:02I watched you on those drums doing what?
35:04A dramatic sketch, and I brought along a script.
35:06Now listen.
35:07Once and for all, Mr. Cooper, I tell you,
35:09I am not going to do a dramatic sketch.
35:11a dramatic sketch.
35:12But Milton, there's a good part in it for you.
35:13That's what I said.
35:14I'm going to do a dramatic sketch.
35:16Let's see, what's it about?
35:18Well, it's a wonderful story about a prizefighter
35:20with an unusual twist.
35:22A prizefighter with an unusual twist?
35:24Well, it should be easy.
35:24We have Denise Darcelle.
35:26She's an unusual twist.
35:27No, I play the prizefighter and you play the manager.
35:31You play the prizefighter and I play the manager.
35:32Well, if there's any fighting to do with Denise,
35:35I'll do the fighting.
35:36Well, being that this is for television,
35:39we'll make a wrestling story out of it.
35:40Of course, I'd always love them to-
35:41No, no, please.
35:42Can't we all go over to the theater and rehearse it?
35:43Yeah, is it a good part for me?
35:45Denise, will you go over with Jackie to the rehearsal
35:47and rehearse the sketch?
35:48He says it's going to be pretty good.
35:50Max, come here, come here.
35:51Give the script to, oh, Vic.
35:53I don't think you were in the rehearsal when she was.
35:55This is my secretary, Max.
35:57This is Vic Dumont.
35:58How do you do?
35:59Are you single?
36:00I'm-
36:01I'm trying to, Milton.
36:02Will you stop with that single business?
36:04I'm trying to, Milton.
36:06I'm-
36:07Listen, Vic Dumont,
36:08you're just perfect for the Buick show.
36:11Hard top.
36:12Look.
36:14Look, Vic, when I was-
36:15Oh, Dagmar, now you left the theater.
36:17I don't know what's-
36:18I can't get a rehearsal done.
36:18I can't-
36:19Oh, pardon me, Dagmar.
36:21You didn't meet her.
36:22This is Vic Dumont.
36:23This is Dagmar.
36:25How do you do?
36:25I've heard an awful lot about you.
36:27Please, no details.
36:28Remember, you're a gentleman.
36:29I'm-
36:30No, Dagmar, this is Vic Dumont.
36:34I think you've heard him sing.
36:35Haven't you heard him?
36:36Mr. Dumont.
36:37Yeah?
36:37Thank you so much in From Here to Eternity.
36:39I was-
36:40You were looking at Frank Sinatra.
36:42No, I was thinking of Clark Gable.
36:43Clark Gable.
36:44This is him, From Here to Eternity.
36:45I always think of Clark Gable.
36:49You're confused.
36:50You see him in the army?
36:51Yeah, but he-
36:52The picture, From Here to Eternity,
36:54has something to do with the army,
36:55and that's why you've got him confused,
36:56because he was in the real army.
36:58That's right, and I was just discharged.
37:00You were discharged from the army?
37:01That's right.
37:02Well, don't worry, Mr. Dumont.
37:03Maybe the Navy will take you.
37:05I-
37:06Victor Dumont is a big record star.
37:07You hear all his records on the radio.
37:09Radio?
37:10Yeah.
37:10What's that?
37:11I don't know.
37:12Oh, don't tell me you're that young.
37:16Radio, you know what radio is?
37:17That's television that you can read by.
37:19Oh, I only watch television.
37:20You only watch television.
37:22What do you get on your radio?
37:23Dust.
37:24Dust, that's clever.
37:26I think I'll blow off now.
37:27I'm gonna have a cup of coffee.
37:28Yes, Max, Max, would you do me a favor?
37:31Will you bring Victor Dumont over to the rehearsal
37:33as soon as he can?
37:34Get him through.
37:36Mr. Dumont, if you want me to type any changes
37:40in your script, I can type them for you
37:42while you and I are having dinner together.
37:45And then later, you can dictate anything you want to me
37:47while we're dancing together at the Copa.
37:50Honey, the series is over and you're still pitching.
37:54Oh, I'm tired of striking out.
37:56♪♪
38:065.15.
38:08Now I have a problem with this guy, Dumont.
38:10The scene you are now witnessing is a guest star
38:12rewriting the script.
38:15Actors can't actually write.
38:16All they can do is jerk the pages out of the script.
38:19I know all about this.
38:21My name is Burl.
38:22I'm a jerk.
38:25But Mr. Dumont, I just want you to take me out
38:28to make Milton jealous.
38:29We can go to El Morroco and then 21
38:31and then to the Latin Quarter.
38:33The Latin Quarter?
38:35And the best part of it is it won't cost you anything.
38:38It won't?
38:39Well, no, we don't have to go into any of these places.
38:41I just want to tell Milton that you took me there.
38:44Why go through all that trouble?
38:45Why not just, let's not go and say we did.
38:48Why?
38:49Well, if you want to tell Milton that I took you
38:51to all these places, well, go ahead.
38:52You have my permission.
38:53Oh, I see what you mean.
38:55Ah, well, well, Dick.
38:57Well, how does the script look?
38:59Fine, I loved it.
39:00I was...
39:02Well, you loved it.
39:02I'm glad you didn't hate it.
39:03Well, let me get you some ice.
39:04I got the song all prepared.
39:05Milton!
39:06Yes, yes.
39:07Do you know where Vic took me
39:08after we finished the rehearsal later tonight
39:10and I didn't get home till early tomorrow morning?
39:12Oh.
39:13Oh.
39:14Oh.
39:15Oh.
39:16Oh.
39:16Look, Max, I'm busy yesterday.
39:18I'll have to talk to you last week.
39:19Oh.
39:20Oh.
39:21Oh.
39:22Max, come here.
39:22I want to tell you something.
39:23I've got an idea for a song.
39:24It's going to be wonderful.
39:25You step out on the stage in a simple setting
39:28on a bare stage and you sing a song.
39:29It's a very great effect.
39:30A great song.
39:32You like it?
39:33No, I want to have a big production,
39:34you know, with lots of scenery
39:35and lots and lots of girls.
39:36Oh, that's silly.
39:37It's lots of girls and lots of scenery.
39:38You can do a song,
39:39if you've got talent,
39:41you can do a song on just a plain stage,
39:42a bare stage.
39:43I'll show you what I mean.
39:44Alan, play me the song.
39:45Sit down.
39:46Sit down.
39:47Sit.
39:48Sit.
39:48Sit.
39:49Sit.
39:50Sit.
39:51Sit.
39:52Sit.
39:53Sit.
39:53Sit.
39:54Sit.
39:55Sit.
39:56Sit.
39:57Sit.
39:58Sit.
39:58Sit.
39:59Sit.
40:00Sit.
40:01Just singing a song.
40:03Just singing a song.
40:06Glory, hallelujah, I just phoned the parson.
40:08Hey, pa, get ready to call.
40:11Just like Humpty Dumpty,
40:13I'm late in the fall
40:15and I'm sitting on top,
40:16seeing no scenery of the world.
40:18Just rolling along.
40:21Just rolling along.
40:32I'm sitting on top of the world.
40:35Just rolling along.
40:37Just rolling along.
40:39Hey, where you taking me?
40:40I'm sitting on top of the world.
40:43No hands singing a song.
40:46Just singing a song.
40:48Glory, hallelujah, I just phoned the parson.
40:51Hey, pa, get ready to call.
40:53Just like Humpty Dumpty,
40:56look out, I'm gonna fall, take me down.
40:57I'm sitting on top of the world.
41:01Just rolling along.
41:02Oh, you're pretty.
41:03Just rolling along.
41:06I'm sitting on top of the world.
41:08I need no scenery for Burroughs.
41:10And I'm just, just rolling along.
41:15You know what I mean?
41:16Yes.
41:17Yes.
41:18Yes.
41:18Yes.
41:19Yes.
41:20Yes.
41:21Yes.
41:22Yes.
41:23Yes.
41:23Yes.
41:24Yes.
41:25Yes.
41:26Yes.
41:27Yes.
41:28Yes.
41:28Yes.
41:30Milton, you're prettier.
41:31What?
41:32I'm prettier?
41:32You're prettier.
41:33Well, thanks.
41:34No.
41:35No, I'm gonna need a production.
41:37I want a production.
41:38You want a production for a song?
41:39It's just a simple setting you need.
41:41Because-
41:42I want gold drapes.
41:42You want gold drapes?
41:44Well, I never heard of such a thing.
41:46I don't think that we can afford it.
41:47We have a budget and I can't afford gold drapes.
41:49Please, please.
41:50And then I'll need a chaise lounge.
41:52A chaise lounge.
41:53Well, I don't think we can get a chaise lounge,
41:56but if you'd like to, to get a chaise lounge.
41:58I don't like the floor.
42:00The floor?
42:01Well, where do you think I'm getting all this money?
42:03You think I got Rockefeller's money?
42:04Rockefeller hasn't got Rockefeller's money.
42:07Well, then I'll need a chandelier.
42:09A chandelier?
42:11Well, this is silly.
42:12I don't have that kind of expenditures on my show
42:14to spend for that kind of money.
42:15I can't afford to do it.
42:16Please believe me.
42:17We have an equipment for that.
42:18Absolutely.
42:19You want a chaise lounge?
42:20Just a chaise lounge and anything else?
42:22A new floor.
42:23A new floor.
42:24Girls.
42:25What?
42:26Girls.
42:27Girls on the stage?
42:28This is silly.
42:29You don't have to have girls on the stage
42:30to sing just a simple song.
42:33What else would you like?
42:34Some scenery.
42:35Scenery, yeah.
42:36Well, let me tell you something.
42:37I want to tell you something once and for all.
42:40I had a big beef with you in your hotel room just now,
42:43but you're not going to get one of these things
42:44that you asked for.
42:46You're not going to get one of these things that you asked.
42:48You're going to sing the song
42:48the way I want you to sing it.
42:50Simple.
42:51All this big, big scenery stuff
42:53just to sing one crummy song.
42:57♪ Surrounded by all this splendor
43:01♪ And all this beauty and talent
43:05♪ I feel as though I am in days gone by
43:09♪ When men were courtly and gallant
43:13♪ My mood is nostalgic
43:16♪ I feel as though I am in days gone by
43:20♪ When men were courtly and gallant
43:24♪ My mood is nostalgic
43:27♪ So if I may
43:29♪ I'd like to express myself this way
43:36♪ Thou swell, thou wave, thou sweet, thou grand
43:42♪ Wouldst kiss me pretty
43:46♪ Hold my hand
43:47♪ Both thine eyes are cute too
43:50♪ What they do to me
43:53♪ Hear me holler
43:54♪ I choose a sweet lullaby
43:56♪ Losing me
43:58♪ I feel so rich in a hut
44:02♪ For two, two rooms and kitchen
44:06♪ I'm sure would do
44:08♪ Give me just a pot of, not a lot of land
44:13♪ And thou swell, thou pretty, thou grand
44:17♪ Thou swell, thou witty, ah, but so am I
44:23♪ Thou art a witty and modest guy
44:27♪ Both you boys are cute too
44:31♪ Please be true to you
44:32♪ Busy stuff now
44:34♪ Too army up now
44:35♪ We can't keep three
44:36♪ Ah, that's silly
44:38♪ I sing, I'm youthful
44:40♪ And he's so drab
44:42♪ Drab, ah, but let's be truthful
44:45♪ I pay the tab
44:47♪ Oh, our salary is something we can keep
44:51♪ Well, that's adorable
44:52♪ Thou swell, thou pretty, thou cheap
44:55♪ Cheap
44:56♪ Cheap, cheap
44:58♪ Cheap
44:59This is silly, I'll leave it for the bags now.
45:26This is silly.
45:28This is silly.
45:34How pretty.
45:36How swell.
45:38How pretty.
45:39How swell.
45:40How pretty.
45:41How swell.
45:5410.30 p.m.
45:55Well, the cast was supposed to get together at 10.30 a.m.
45:58But many actors don't know that there's another 10.30 in the morning.
46:02You probably wonder how I stand all this.
46:05Well, the secret is that I spent all day Wednesday just lying down, taking it easy and relaxing.
46:11I'm on that couch all day long.
46:16Well, I have to go through to put on a show.
46:19There was something that happened on this show that I haven't even told you.
46:23I've only told it to one man.
46:26The real trouble started the evening the show went on the air.
46:30When Dagmar walked into Denise Darcel's dressing room, and who do you think was in...
46:36Oh, he's back again.
46:39I can't tell you now. I'll tell you when we're alone sometime.
46:43Another thing that I'm very, very happy to say is that our show has been chosen
46:48to be shown to our armed forces all over the world.
46:54Speaking...
46:56Speaking of armed forces, ladies and gentlemen,
46:59I think we're very lucky tonight, besides having the very lovely Dagmar,
47:03Jackie Cooper, and Denise Darcel,
47:05to have sort of his return engagement here from New York City,
47:09a guy that really did his bit for the armed forces.
47:13I'd like him to come out and take another bow.
47:16Vic DeMond, ladies and gentlemen.
47:23Dag, Denise, Dag, Dag, Denise, Dagmar, Denise, Jackie Cooper.
47:35Don't wait. I don't want my boy to go.
47:39We just have a few minutes.
47:41Now, usually, I like to do this on my show.
47:45I mean, I really mean this.
47:47I know that the folks that are watching our show would like to hear another chorus of a song.
47:52Now, we don't usually do this on the show because...
47:55Would you like to hear another chorus?
47:59Mr. Lina, would you fake a little music like you did the rest of the show?
48:03I want you...
48:04Would you play Sorrento?
48:06Sorrento.
48:07Just one chorus in C minor.
48:09I love this. I'll stand over here and watch you.
48:22You, who has in mind
48:27that I gave you a kiss
48:31Look, here in this garden
48:34you feel an orange light
48:39a perfume so divine
48:44in your heart, it goes away
48:48and you say goodbye
48:52away from your heart
48:56from this land of love
49:03and in your heart
49:08you don't sleep
49:11but you don't leave me
49:15you don't sleep, you are sleeping
49:19come back smiling
49:24to me, Gamboa
49:37Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, hold it.
49:40Sorry that I have to whistle.
49:42The new burl, I don't whistle anymore.
49:44Next week, I'll take a rest and there's going to be a new face on our show next week, ladies and gentlemen.
49:47And you know, I always like to welcome newcomers.
49:50So I'd like to see this up-and-coming young fellow get a break.
49:53Bob Hope.
49:55And I'm off next week and I'll be back October the 27th.
49:58So until then, good night. God bless you.
50:00And it's a pleasure to be here. Thank you very much. Good night.
50:17© BF-WATCH TV 2021