A pair of witches and their pet cat welcome a long-lost niece into their new Kansas home and also have to contend with a | dG1fNmJUOG1HdlZYLTg
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Short filmTranscript
00:00 (audience laughing)
00:02 - Mother Superior would never approve of that outfit.
00:06 (audience laughing)
00:07 - Hey, opportunity only gives you knockers once.
00:10 (audience laughing)
00:13 - Paige, darling, come, sit down
00:16 and tell us all about yourself.
00:19 - Yes, what do you like to do for fun?
00:22 - Well, I like to clean.
00:24 (audience laughing)
00:28 - Well, then this place ought to be one big nonstop party
00:30 for you, girl.
00:31 (audience laughing)
00:33 - I hope so.
00:34 I've always dreamed of having a happy, normal family life.
00:38 Sunday drives, playing Scrabble by the fire,
00:42 setting up a lemonade stand in the front yard.
00:45 - Oh, and you can be June Cleaver
00:47 and Minerva can be Ward and I'll be the beaver.
00:50 (audience laughing)
00:57 - Oh, Minerva, she's way too straight to be one of us.
00:59 - You're right.
01:00 Sometimes the gift can skip a generation.
01:03 We'd better find out.
01:04 - Okay, but remember, be subtle.
01:07 - Subtle is my middle name.
01:10 (audience laughing)
01:11 - So, Paige, when did you consummate your union
01:14 with the incubus?
01:15 (audience laughing)
01:17 - Minerva says she always gets constipated
01:20 when she rides the bus.
01:21 (audience laughing)
01:24 - Minerva, remind me to make you that appointment
01:26 with Dr. Kevorkian.
01:28 (audience laughing)
01:31 - So, Paige, you know, my brother was quite gifted.
01:36 Surely you must have inherited some of his talents.
01:41 - Yes, I did.
01:43 I can speak Latin and play the accordion.
01:47 (audience laughing)
01:48 - Where, Our Lady of Perpetual Polka?
01:51 (audience laughing)
01:52 - Um, listen, Paige, why don't you just run on upstairs
01:55 and take a nice, long, hot bath?
01:57 - All right.
01:58 - If she bloats, she's a witch.
02:02 If she drowns, our troubles are over.
02:04 (audience laughing)
02:07 - Officer Taylor is here to see you.
02:11 Show him in.
02:13 - Officer Taylor reporting.
02:16 - Thank you, Maxine, that will be all.
02:19 - Mm-hmm.
02:20 (audience laughing)
02:24 (door slams)
02:26 - Hey there, pretty lady.
02:27 - Don't you pretty lady me.
02:29 - Ooh, Chip, as in potato?
02:33 Bet I can't eat just one.
02:34 (audience laughing)
02:36 - Well, I guess I don't have to ask if the wire worked.
02:39 - Officer Taylor, in case you forgot,
02:41 your assignment was to nail her.
02:43 (audience laughing)
02:46 - Believe me, there is nothing I'd rather do.
02:48 (audience laughing)
02:49 - Chip, I don't want you going back in there alone.
02:53 That love potion she sold Lorraine Wiesner
02:55 put her in the hospital.
02:57 What if she drugs you and takes advantage of you?
03:02 - Yeah.
03:04 (audience laughing)
03:05 - That'd be nuts.
03:06 - Yeah, that would be terrible.
03:08 - You just remember, Chippy,
03:11 I'm gonna be listening to everything that goes on tonight.
03:14 And if you're not out of there by 10 o'clock,
03:17 I'm sending in the SWAT team.
03:19 (audience laughing)
03:22 (footsteps tapping)
03:24 - Come on, carpet, say ah.
03:26 (audience laughing)
03:29 (coughing)
03:32 - Oh, going somewhere, dear?
03:37 (audience laughing)
03:40 - Very funny.
03:44 I've got a date with Chip tonight
03:45 and I plan on getting rug burns
03:47 on every square inch of my body.
03:49 (audience laughing)
03:50 - Okay, I finished cleaning the oven,
03:54 but I'm still waiting for the freezer to defrost.
03:57 - Oh, you can finish that later, Cinderella.
03:59 Right now, you and Aunt Minerva
04:01 are going out to have some fun.
04:04 So just run on upstairs and change clothes.
04:06 - I did.
04:08 (audience laughing)
04:10 - Oh yeah, the rubber gloves are a nice touch.
04:13 (audience laughing)
04:15 Let's see, there must be lots of fun things
04:18 for you guys to do in this town.
04:20 Look, the future farmers of the Flatlands
04:22 are having a cake walking corn shucking contest.
04:25 (audience laughing)
04:26 That sounds like fun.
04:28 - Well, actually, I'm rather tired.
04:30 Why don't you go shuck yourself, dear?
04:33 (audience laughing)
04:36 - Minerva.
04:38 - Okay, okay.
04:40 Come, child.
04:41 We are going to paint the town gray.
04:44 - And Minerva, kick Snay on the ajigme
04:48 in front of H.P.
04:49 - Yeah, upgrade.
04:51 (audience laughing)
04:54 (spraying)
04:59 (spraying)
05:02 (spraying)
05:05 (audience laughing)
05:08 (audience laughing)
05:18 (spraying)
05:21 - Entree.
05:22 - Hi.
05:26 - Oh, Chip, I wasn't expecting you so soon.
05:30 And look at me, I'm a mess.
05:32 (audience laughing)
05:34 - I think you look pretty cute.
05:37 - Oh, don't you say that to all the ghouls.
05:39 (audience laughing)
05:41 Sit down and make yourself comfortable.
05:43 Oops.
05:46 (audience laughing)
05:48 Can I get you a beverage?
05:51 - Oh, you made a drink.
05:54 Oh, sure.
05:55 Well, how about that love potion?
05:56 - Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip.
06:00 Why would a handsome stud like you need a love potion?
06:04 - Well, sometimes I have, you know, a problem.
06:09 - Oh, problem.
06:12 Oh, that kind of problem.
06:16 Oh, well, I think we could fix that
06:17 with a little physical therapy.
06:20 (audience laughing)
06:22 - That would be great, but how about the love potion first?
06:25 - Well, okay.
06:28 I'll get the potion, then you get the notion.
06:31 Ow!
06:32 (audience laughing)
06:35 I wonder if this is gonna be strong enough.
06:44 I don't know how big his problem is.
06:47 (audience laughing)
06:50 I know.
06:51 I'll just add a little extra starch.
06:55 (audience laughing)
06:58 Here we are, a nice, stiff drink.
07:04 (audience laughing)
07:07 - Thanks, Elvira.
07:08 What do I owe you?
07:09 - Oh, it's on me.
07:11 And after you drink it, you will be too.
07:14 (audience laughing)
07:17 - I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take it to go.
07:18 You see, I have a date.
07:21 - A date?
07:22 Chip, no.
07:23 Let me see your hand.
07:25 Oh, oh no, Chip, she's all wrong for you.
07:27 I mean, she's all sweaty and wrinkled and calloused.
07:31 Take my advice.
07:34 Drop her.
07:35 Drop her like a hot potato, Chip.
07:37 (audience laughing)
07:40 - You're making it awful hard on me, but.
07:43 (audience laughing)
07:45 I really gotta go.
07:47 Uh, can I have the potion back, please?
07:49 - No, why should I, you two-timer?
07:51 - Hey, give me that.
07:52 - No.
07:53 - Give me that. - No.
07:54 - Give me that. - No.
07:55 (glass shattering)
07:57 (Elvira screaming)