Category
🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:00 [Music]
00:04 It's cold outside, which makes it a good day to atone for your sins.
00:08 If you've ever done something that warrants an apology,
00:11 you might find it physically difficult to get the words to come out of your mouth.
00:15 The best solution to this conundrum is to make mashed potatoes.
00:18 [Music]
00:24 The region of the brain that determines your feelings about mashed potatoes
00:27 is the same region of the brain that determines your ability to accept an apology.
00:32 Show me someone who doesn't like mashed potatoes,
00:34 and I'll show you someone who has no ability to forgive.
00:38 Start by making sure your potatoes are at room temperature.
00:41 Potatoes higher than room temperature are angry potatoes,
00:44 and angry potatoes only taste good to wrestlers and librarians.
00:48 So tread with caution.
00:49 If you don't have a thermometer, simply hold your potato against a piece of paper.
00:53 If the paper bursts into flames, carefully select another potato.
00:58 Peel your potatoes, cut them into cubes, and put them into a pot to boil.
01:03 Use approximately nine large potatoes per serving.
01:06 In a pinch, you can also use patatas.
01:08 While the potatoes are boiling, determine the severity of the offense,
01:12 and therefore, the magnitude of the apology required.
01:15 With a Category 1 offense, say you forgot to return a borrowed book for three weeks,
01:19 you only owe the most basic mashed potatoes possible.
01:22 Put some milk in a saucepan and add some butter.
01:25 If your knife isn't sharp enough to cut through butter,
01:27 continue applying force and never give up.
01:29 Heat the milk and butter together.
01:33 When the potatoes are soft like this, add in the hot milk and butter, and mash them together.
01:38 If you're not entirely sure if the reason you haven't returned the book is actually your fault,
01:42 leave the potatoes extra lumpy.
01:44 A Category 4 offense, say you showed up half an hour late when you were supposed to meet somebody,
01:49 requires something a little more substantial, like garlic mashed potatoes.
01:53 Make sure the potatoes are completely smooth.
01:55 In addition to the milk and butter, add in some pepper pepper pepper, salt, and a spoonful of minced garlic.
02:00 In the case that someone has committed a Category 4 offense against you,
02:04 add in three additional spoonfuls of garlic, and leave it on their doorstep anonymously.
02:11 The word "potatoes" is an anagram for "teapots."
02:14 To create a potato teapot, cut off the bottom to create a firm base.
02:18 Hollow out the potato, and carve a spout.
02:21 Put in one teabag, and fill with boiling water.
02:24 Pour the tea into a cup, and enjoy the nutritious combination of tea infused with vitamin C, B, and potato.
02:31 The word "apology" is an anagram for "gloopy," which is a word one might use to describe mashed potatoes.
02:36 Where does the symbiosis end? Nobody knows.
02:41 A Category 8 offense, say you borrowed someone's car and got into a fender bender,
02:45 requires something much more substantial, curry mashed potatoes.
02:49 Make the mashed potatoes as previously described.
02:52 Stir in some yellow curry powder, then garnish with parsley.
02:55 These potatoes will get you out of almost any mess, unless that mess is a Category 9 offense.
03:01 Say you accidentally sold your friend's dog without permission.
03:05 At this point, you're going to have to make a burrito apology, a mashed potato-rito apology, or even a mojito apology.
03:12 If you need to make a mashed potato apology to someone who is far away,
03:15 take the appropriate mashed potatoes, put them in a bag, then double bag them with a hand warmer between the layers.
03:21 This will keep the mashed potatoes hot on their journey of redemption.
03:25 Before shipping, carefully place them in a padded box to keep them from shattering.
03:29 If you're shipping internationally, write a description of the contents to ensure speedy delivery across the border.
03:35 When making a mashed potato apology face-to-face, invite the person over under the pretense of needing help to fix your sink,
03:42 then prepare yourself for an honest and open discussion.
03:46 What'd you do?
03:48 Nothing.
03:49 [sad piano music]
03:54 ♪ You suck at cooking, oh my god, you ♪
04:00 ♪ You suck at cooking, oh my god, you ♪
04:07 ♪ You suck at cooking, oh my god, you ♪
04:14 ♪ You suck so much ♪
04:17 [sad piano music]
04:30 [Music]