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  • 5/14/2020
TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | TV Series (1963–1966)

In order to secure a date from a neighborhood boy, Patty convinces Ross to do some chores for him.

Director: Gary Nelson

Writers: Clifford Goldsmith, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher

Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron

Transcript
00:00Hey, what's Chuck Farrell's car doing in front of our house?
00:07I wonder if he stopped on purpose or just broke down.
00:10You know, he's awfully shy, but I knew he'd come over.
00:13Nope, I better cool it. I don't want to scare him away.
00:20You mean he's that shy?
00:21Oh, Kathy, I'm a mess. I better go change.
00:24You look as good as that car does.
00:26Kathy, close that!
00:29I'd been hoping all semester he'd notice me,
00:31and then today in the cafeteria I dropped my ice cream and we started talking.
00:35Where did you drop it?
00:36Fortunately, on his apple pie.
00:38Oh, I see. It was out of the mold at first sight.
00:41Yeah. Then one thing led to another, and then he asked me if I'd teach him the Frug, and here he is.
00:47Only, where is he?
00:49It's funny, I don't see him.
00:52Hi.
00:53Hi.
00:54How are you?
00:55Fine, and you?
00:56Fine.
00:57Who is it?
00:58Patty Lane.
00:59Oh, hi.
01:00Hi.
01:01Patty, can I ask you a question?
01:03Sure.
01:04You know that place you were telling me about down at the beach, where all the kids go dancing?
01:08Ga-ga-go-go?
01:09Yeah, well, I was kind of thinking of going there tonight, except I got a little problem.
01:14Oh, don't worry, you can always go Dutch.
01:16No, it's not the money, but I've got to mow our lawn and do some work in the garden,
01:20and if I do, I won't get these wheels fixed by tonight.
01:23So I was wondering, do you think I could hire your brother to mow our lawn?
01:27Oh, sure, he'll be glad to.
01:29I can only pay him about 50 cents an hour.
01:31Oh, that's okay.
01:32Ross is always looking for a way to make money, and he'll be glad to help us out.
01:35Uh, you.
01:36The lawn.
01:37I'll go tell him.
01:38Ask him.
01:39Ga-ga-go-go?
01:40Ga-ga-go-go?
01:41Ga-ga-go-go?
01:42Ga-ga-go-go?
01:43Ga-ga-go-go?
01:44Ga-ga-go-go?
01:45Ga-ga-go-go?
01:46Ga-ga-go-go?
01:47Ga-ga-go-go?
01:48Ga-ga-go-go?
01:49Ga-ga-go-go?
01:50Ga-ga-go-go?
01:51Ga-ga-go-go?
01:52Ga-ga-go-go?
01:53Ga-ga-go-go?
01:54Ga-ga-go-go?
01:55Ga-ga-go-go?
01:56Ga-ga-go-go?
01:57Ga-ga-go-go?
01:58Ga-ga-go-go?
01:59Ga-ga-go-go?
02:00Ga-ga-go-go?
02:01Ga-ga-go-go?
02:02Ga-ga-go-go?
02:03Ga-ga-go-go?
02:04Ga-ga-go-go?
02:05Ga-ga-go-go?
02:06Ga-ga-go-go?
02:08One pair of matching bookends
02:11Different as night and day
02:14Where Kathy adores a minuet
02:17The ballet Russe and crepe Suzette
02:20Our patty looks a rock and roll
02:22A hot dog makes her lose control
02:24What a wild duet
02:26Still they're cousins
02:29Identical cousins
02:31Then you'll find
02:33They laugh alike, they walk alike
02:35At times they even talk alike
02:37You can lose your mind
02:39When cousins
02:41Are two of a kind
02:50Ross, can I talk to you a minute?
02:52Isn't he something else, Kath?
02:53I don't know. I can see his feet.
02:57Look, I have to get Ross to mow the lawn
02:59so that he can take me dancing.
03:00Oh, he asked you?
03:01Well, not really.
03:03He's too shy to ask, but figure it out.
03:05I mean, of all the houses around here,
03:07why did he pick ours to break down in front of?
03:11What about Richard?
03:12Richard and I are taking sabbaticals.
03:14We both feel we need a new point of view.
03:16Where are you going?
03:17Forget it. Whenever you get a new point of view,
03:19nobody's safe.
03:20Oh, Ross!
03:21Ross, wait!
03:22How would you like to earn some money?
03:25You spoke?
03:26Chuck Farrell would like you to mow his lawn.
03:28You mean manual labor?
03:29Oh, come on, Ross.
03:30It'd be a big favor to me,
03:31and it's a nice neighborly thing to do for the Farrells.
03:33What do you mean neighborly?
03:34The Farrells live 15 blocks from here.
03:37You're exaggerating.
03:38They don't live more than three-quarters of a mile.
03:41I know exactly where they live
03:42because there's a girl next door named Fowler.
03:44And boy, is she a hang-up.
03:46So what? You wouldn't be mowing her lawn.
03:48You don't know her.
03:49She'd bring her lawn over to where I was.
03:51Oh, there's a little level with you.
03:53If Chuck doesn't get somebody to mow his lawn,
03:55he won't be able to take me dancing tonight.
03:57Oh, so you're the neighbor I'm supposed to help.
03:59How much?
04:01Fifty cents an hour?
04:04Fifty cents an hour?
04:06Do you realize that the federal minimum wage
04:08is a dollar and a half
04:09plus all the soda you can drink?
04:11Please, Ross.
04:12Forget it.
04:13I'm not gonna get mixed up with that Fowler girl
04:14for fifty cents an hour.
04:15My life's spooky enough now.
04:20What am I gonna tell Chuck
04:21that I've been shot down by my own brother?
04:24Well, I better tell him.
04:25He's gone.
04:26Gone?
04:28Oh, boy.
04:29How am I gonna teach him the fruit back tonight?
04:31Patty, he didn't ask you to go dancing.
04:34Well, he as much as asked me, I could tell.
04:36How?
04:37By the expression on his feet?
04:39Come on, Kathy, help me.
04:41Who am I gonna get to mow Chuck's lawn?
04:43I haven't the slightest idea.
04:45How about Richard?
04:46Patty.
04:47Yeah, I guess that would be a little depraved.
04:51Well, I guess if worse came to worse,
04:52I could always do it myself.
04:54You're not serious.
04:56Why not?
04:57You're going to start chasing a man with a lawnmower?
05:03Dad, have you got time for a heart-to-heart talk?
05:06Is it about your allowance?
05:08No.
05:09Then I'm at your disposal.
05:12How would you feel about my dropping French?
05:14I didn't even know you were taking it.
05:16Well, what's the point? I'm not taking it.
05:19Maybe we ought to talk about your allowance.
05:22Dad, let me explain.
05:23You see, it's an experiment
05:24that they ask for volunteers for.
05:26You know, guinea pigs. French ones.
05:28Yeah, well, French is a very interesting language.
05:30Why do you want to drop it?
05:32Well, it isn't the language.
05:33It's where they teach it, in that old wing.
05:35No wonder I get sinking spells.
05:37Sinking spells?
05:39Yeah, whenever my teacher calls on me.
05:41Let me explain, Dad.
05:42You see, the ceiling's all cracked.
05:44Well, now, that old wing didn't bother you
05:46when you were taking metal shopping, did it?
05:48Yeah, but how was I to know
05:49that when they asked for volunteers,
05:50everybody but me would be girls?
05:52Oh, it's women.
05:53I thought it was cracks in the ceiling.
05:55It is.
05:56Those cracks are the only place
05:57I can look and be comfortable.
05:59When I just walk into class,
06:00you should see them giggle.
06:02Ross, I'm surprised at you.
06:03I should think having all girls in the class
06:05would be an attraction.
06:06Well, that's at your age, not at mine.
06:09Dad, you are on the phone.
06:12So, which would you rather your son be, Dad?
06:14A dropout or a blackout?
06:16Hello?
06:17And what good is French?
06:18We're not even at war with them.
06:20Ross, I'll make a deal with you.
06:22If you mow Chuck's grass,
06:24I'll talk to Dad about letting you drop French.
06:26How?
06:27I'll just come right out and say
06:28I think it's shaking you up.
06:30Oh, you've noticed it?
06:31Of course.
06:32And I'll tell him that I think
06:33it could do something to you permanently.
06:34You ask me, it already has.
06:36What makes you think he'll listen to you?
06:38Remember the time you said
06:39you were too young to see that movie
06:40and I convinced him your mind
06:41was already too far gone to be warped?
06:43I don't know what's gonna happen to my mind
06:44if I stay in that French class.
06:46You think you could swing it?
06:47But of course.
06:49Sorry.
06:50Well, is it a deal?
06:52If only that Fowler girl
06:53didn't live next door to Chuck.
06:54I can't make up my mind.
06:56Well, take your choice, Ross.
06:58Would you like to face one girl
06:59or a whole class full?
07:02It's a deal.
07:03Good!
07:06Oh, Dad, look,
07:07can I talk to you about Ross for a second?
07:09Patty, you and your brother
07:10are gonna have to learn
07:11to get along with each other.
07:12Oh, we're getting along just groovy.
07:14Isn't that groovily?
07:15Huh?
07:16No, forget it.
07:17Look, Dad, frankly, I'm worried about Ross.
07:21Why?
07:22Well, haven't you noticed
07:23how shy he's gotten lately?
07:25This is your brother, Ross,
07:26you're talking about?
07:27Dad, he has a phobia
07:28about anything in skirts.
07:30Oh, well, that shouldn't be a problem.
07:32Practically no girls wear skirts anymore.
07:34And there's so little to the ones they do wear
07:36that they shouldn't bother anybody.
07:38What's the point?
07:39It wouldn't bother anybody but Ross.
07:41Dad, that French class
07:42really has him in a flap.
07:44Oh, it's the French class.
07:46Yeah, and if you want my opinion,
07:48I think he's in way over his head.
07:50And to leave him floundering there
07:51is like watching your own son drown
07:53in a language you can't even understand.
07:56Hmm.
07:57Ross asked you to talk to me about this?
07:59No.
08:00No, it was my own self-observation.
08:02And frankly, Dad,
08:03I think the best thing in the world
08:04you could do...
08:05Honey, tell me something.
08:06Are you going on a picnic
08:07with one of your classes?
08:09No.
08:10This is for Ross.
08:12All this?
08:13Yeah.
08:15Well, there might be someone else
08:16in the neighborhood where he's working
08:17who's hungry.
08:18But mainly you're doing it for Ross.
08:20Mainly, yeah.
08:21Hmm.
08:22You know what I think
08:23every man should have?
08:24What's that?
08:25A sister as nice as you.
08:30But, Dad, you haven't answered me
08:31about Ross.
08:32Oh, well, I'll think it over.
08:33And, uh, if that phone call is for me,
08:35I'll be back in an hour.
08:36Oh, but...
08:41Hello?
08:42Hi.
08:43Am I out of French?
08:44Ross, where are you?
08:45I'm at Chuck's.
08:46Am I out?
08:47Not yet, but I'm working on it.
08:49Well, I just thought of something
08:50you could kind of point out to Dad.
08:52Tell him that if I drop French,
08:54I can spend a lot more time
08:55on the English language,
08:56which I've really been neglecting.
08:58Look, Ross, I'm taking care of French.
09:00You take care of the grass.
09:01Don't worry, I am.
09:03And I hope you know
09:04what a sacrifice I'm making for you.
09:06Boy, that flower girl
09:07who lives next door.
09:08What about her?
09:09All I can say is, oh, boy.
09:11Well, just ignore her.
09:12Oh, that's the problem.
09:13She's not the kind of girl
09:14who lets herself be ignored.
09:16Look, Ross, if you do a good job
09:18on Chuck's lawn, I promise
09:20I'll be doing the same with Dad.
09:22Okay?
09:23Goodbye.
09:35What's so funny?
09:36You.
09:37You kindly flake off?
09:39This happens to be my driveway,
09:41you know.
09:43Ross!
09:45What are you doing?
09:46You're supposed to be mowing.
09:48Excuse me.
09:49I stopped to breathe.
09:50Oh, boy.
09:51If Chuck comes out
09:52and finds you resting,
09:53he's gonna flip.
09:54Who's resting?
09:55Do you realize what I've been
09:56going through around here?
09:57What do you mean?
09:58Oh, never mind.
09:59Have you got me
10:00out of the French class yet?
10:01Well, Dad's right on the edge.
10:02I just have to give him
10:03a little push.
10:05Where's Chuck?
10:06What are you doing here, anyway?
10:07Why don't you go home and push?
10:09Oh, gee.
10:10You're sweet, Ross.
10:11After I went to all that trouble
10:12to see that you don't go hungry.
10:14Is Chuck in the house?
10:15I haven't even seen him.
10:16Oh.
10:17Well, you better have some lunch.
10:18No, I want to finish
10:19this front part
10:20before that follow girl
10:21makes a return trip.
10:22She goes by here
10:23every 15 minutes
10:24on the quarter hour.
10:25She's making a wreck out of me.
10:26Why do you even look at her?
10:27You mean I should do this
10:28with my eyes closed?
10:29I'm telling you,
10:30it's the same way
10:31in that French class.
10:32Everywhere I look,
10:33I'm surrounded.
10:34Oh, Ross.
10:35What I'd like to know
10:36is where is Chuck?
10:37There he is.
10:40Here you go.
10:41Oh, hi.
10:42Hi.
10:43How are you?
10:44Fine.
10:45And you?
10:46Oh, fine.
10:47Patty?
10:48Yeah.
10:49Uh, look, Chuck,
10:50I hope my brother's
10:51doing a good job for you.
10:52I say I...
10:53I say I...
10:54Small wrench.
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17:01I say I...
17:02I say I...
17:03I say I...
17:04I say I...
17:05I say I...
17:06I say I...
17:07I say I...
17:08I say I...
17:09I say I...
17:10I say I...
17:11I say I...
17:12I say I...
17:13I say I...
17:14I say I...
17:15I say I...
17:16I say I...
17:17I say I...
17:18I say I...
17:19I say I...
17:20I say I...
17:21I say I...
17:22I say I...
17:23I say I...
17:24I say I...
17:25I say I...
17:26I'll try my best.
17:27
17:36Was Ross still working at Chuck's?
17:38No, he wasn't even there.
17:40Don't tell me Chuck was finishing the lawn.
17:42No, he wasn't there either.
17:44He must have been.
17:45Patch, I'm telling you, he wasn't.
17:47The strangest thing is,
17:49his whole front lawn was underwater.
17:51Are you sure you had the right house?
17:53Of course I'm sure.
17:55Oh, boy, what has that hang-up brother of mine done now?
17:58Chuck will never speak to me again.
18:00
18:05Martin, I'm worried.
18:07Natalie, will you calm down?
18:09Say, what did Chuck's mother say?
18:11She said Chuck wasn't home
18:12and she didn't know where he'd gone.
18:14No, I mean, what did she say about Ross?
18:16To tell you the truth, she wasn't terribly polite.
18:18Well, never mind that.
18:19Your uncle's already talked to her
18:20about repairing the sprinkler and fixing the flowerbed.
18:23Has she seen Ross at all?
18:25Not since early this afternoon.
18:26Natalie, will you quit worrying?
18:28He'll probably come home.
18:29I dare him to come home.
18:32By the way, Nat, when you were up in his room,
18:34were all his things there?
18:36Martin.
18:37I'm just kidding.
18:39You know, he's probably out front right now
18:41just trying to get up enough courage to come in.
18:43He better not come in.
18:45Natalie.
18:48Well, is he there?
18:50No, he's not.
18:52What did I tell you?
18:54Come on.
18:56Get up.
19:03Did Chuck's mother say whether or not
19:04he had any plans for tonight?
19:06No, Patsy, I'm sorry, she didn't.
19:08Oh.
19:09Well, that's okay with me.
19:11I mean, you just think a person would let another person
19:13know whether he is or isn't going.
19:15No, all he can talk about is screwdrivers and wrenches
19:17and destroying strip.
19:19I don't know, some kind of stress for his kingfish.
19:22I just hope I never see him again.
19:25You mean you hope you never see his feet again.
19:26Very comical.
19:27How would you like to spend all morning
19:29making sandwiches and shoving them under a car
19:30and never know whether they were finally eaten or run over?
19:33And frankly, as much as I love you,
19:34I wish we had separate rooms.
19:43What was that all about?
19:45Oh, I suppose she's awfully sensitive about Chuck's feet,
19:48so I shouldn't have placed her on.
19:52Kath, I think that's put her on.
19:55And suppose we just forget about Chuck
19:57and start thinking about Ross.
19:59You're right, Aunt Natalie.
20:00Now, where in the?
20:07Ross, where have you been?
20:09Oh, Mom, don't ask me.
20:11Are you all right?
20:11What happened?
20:12Don't ask me.
20:14Well, let's get him some dinner and then ask questions.
20:16Dinner?
20:17I couldn't eat now.
20:18Why not?
20:19I've already had my dinner.
20:21You've had it?
20:21Where?
20:22Oh, please don't make me tell you.
20:25Now, Ross, just a minute.
20:26You simmer down, son.
20:30Now, what's this all about?
20:31That Fowler girl.
20:33You know her mother made me go into their house to get dry?
20:36Made you?
20:37Yeah.
20:38And you know, your paper ought to run an editorial
20:40on hidden water sprinklers.
20:41They're a hazard, you know that?
20:43Oh, that Fowler girl.
20:45All afternoon, I was sitting around in her father's pants.
20:49And then she asked me, she asked me twice.
20:51I mean, what could I have done?
20:53What did she ask you?
20:54If I wanted a cheeseburger.
20:56And you know me and cheeseburgers.
20:59Right in the middle of my cheeseburger.
21:01You know what she made me do?
21:02You'll never believe it.
21:03Was it any worse than what you did to the lawn?
21:07She made me ask her to a movie tonight.
21:10Have you ever heard of anything so underhanded?
21:12Underhanded, why?
21:14I was under the influence of cheeseburger.
21:17Ross, I think your sister's dead right.
21:20You've been operating under too much tension.
21:23But I have some good news for you, son.
21:25Yeah?
21:26Yeah.
21:27Your mother and I have both decided
21:28that even though French is a basic
21:30and a beautiful language,
21:32and that to speak it would be an asset
21:33all your adult life.
21:35If I have an adult life.
21:36Well, anyway, the point is that as far as we're concerned,
21:39you can drop French.
21:41Drop it?
21:42Well, why would I want to drop it?
21:44I beg your pardon?
21:45You just got finished telling me
21:46what an asset it would be?
21:48Now, I'm not saying that French is a beautiful language,
21:50but it can be interesting.
21:51Ross Lane.
21:53I don't know why the school
21:54didn't start the experiment earlier.
21:56I mean, what is so wrong about a little experimenting?
21:58I mean, how are you going to find out the answers
22:00to a lot of things if you don't experiment?
22:02Do you mind repeating that?
22:03I said,
22:06bet I know who that is.
22:07That's for me, I'll get it.
22:08No, that's for me.
22:09Where'd you come from?
22:10Hey, I've been waiting for that call all evening.
22:12Hello?
22:14Bien, merci.
22:15Comment allez-vous?
22:17Well, I'll pick you up around huit heures et demi.
22:20Au revoir to you, too.
22:22Who was that?
22:23The fowler girl.
22:24Wait a minute.
22:26You mean to tell me you've been with her all this time?
22:28Yeah.
22:29Do you realize the position
22:30you put me in with Chuck because of that fowler girl?
22:32She's not that fowler girl.
22:34Her name's Penelope.
22:36And she speaks French?
22:37She and her family spent a whole year in Paris.
22:39How about that, huh?
22:42Amazing.
22:45Well, at his age,
22:45you may have walked through a few flower beds,
22:47but you never went off the deep end like that.
22:50It only goes to prove that Paris does not surrender.
22:52You surrender to Paris.
22:56Don't tell me she's gone for him already.
22:58If she has,
22:59she didn't spend that year in Paris for nothing.
23:05Hello.
23:06Hi.
23:07I guess Patty left this at our place.
23:08Oh, thank you.
23:09I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
23:10Say, who is that?
23:12Is it Richard?
23:14Patty, a friend of yours is down here.
23:18He says his car can make it
23:20and wants to know if it will take you long to get ready.
23:22Are you kidding?
23:24It won't take her long.
23:25Would you like to come in?
23:26I better not press my luck.
23:27I finally got my engine going.
23:28Oh, all right.
23:29I'm sure she'll be right down.
23:34Well, he doesn't say much,
23:35but he's got the cutest face.
23:37Almost as cute as his feet are.
23:40I knew it.
23:41Something told me all the time.
23:42Good night.
23:43Oh, remind me.
23:44Roz wants me to talk to you about staying
23:45in the French class.
23:46Au revoir, you all.
23:50Chuck, that moon is really something else.
23:54And all those stars and those white clouds.
23:56It's really not to be believed.
23:59Players.
24:00Oh, sure.
24:03You know, I'm awfully glad you're not mad at Ross.
24:06I mean, I guess everything that happened to him today
24:09was kind of a delayed reflex reaction.
24:11I mean, if vibrations can make a steel rod buckle,
24:13they certainly can make a person like Ross snap.
24:16Did you say there's a full moon out there?
24:18Oh, yeah.
24:20As a matter of fact,
24:22just in case something like this happened,
24:23I came prepared.
24:27There.
24:28Can you see the moon now?
24:29Hey, is that wild?
24:31Yeah.
24:32You know, even if we are missing the dance,
24:36I'm glad we can both be under that moon together.
24:38♪ Here's Cathy, who's in limos everywhere ♪
24:42♪ From Zanzibar to Barclay Square ♪
24:45♪ But Patty's only seen the sights of girls ♪
24:47♪ And she's run from her heights ♪
24:49♪ What a crazy pair ♪
24:51♪ But they're cousins ♪
24:54♪ Identical cousins ♪
24:57♪ But they're cousins, identical cousins ♪
25:01♪ But they're cousins, identical cousins ♪
25:04♪ But they're cousins, identical cousins ♪
25:08♪ Zanzibar, they laugh alike, they walk alike ♪
25:12♪ At times they even talk alike ♪
25:15♪ You can lose your mind when cousins are two of a kind ♪