Not Rated | 30min | Comedy | Episode aired 20 March 1955
With Gary Crosby as a guest, doing a duet with Mary Livingstone on his show, Jack is sure he'll have a good one, but always relies on Rochester's opinion rather than what the TV critics say, just as Mary depends on her mother's viewpoint. Unfortunately, both fell asleep and missed it.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: George Balzer, Hal Goldman, Al Gordon, Sam Perrin
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
With Gary Crosby as a guest, doing a duet with Mary Livingstone on his show, Jack is sure he'll have a good one, but always relies on Rochester's opinion rather than what the TV critics say, just as Mary depends on her mother's viewpoint. Unfortunately, both fell asleep and missed it.
Director: Ralph Levy
Writers: George Balzer, Hal Goldman, Al Gordon, Sam Perrin
Stars: Jack Benny, Eddie 'Rochester' Anderson, Don Wilson
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
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00:10Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Lucky Strike
00:21program. You know, today our show is in black and white, and the reason I mention that is
00:28because two weeks ago, as you rich people probably know, my show was in color. And it
00:36was very, very exciting because this is the first time since I've been on TV that you
00:42could see my eyes in their natural color, you see. Lazy Lagoon blue. Of course, this
00:54show was supposed to have been in color too, but after they made the test, they found out
01:00that they couldn't do it because my eyes instead of turning out blue, they came out red. See,
01:06this always happens around income tax time. Other people get ulcers, I just cry for a few
01:14minutes. But I don't want you to think for one minute that I resent paying taxes to the
01:23government because I don't. Although I must say that quite a few years ago when I first went into
01:29show business, it did bother me because in those days it was taxation without representation. If
01:38you think that Secretary Humphreys is tough, you should have dealt with William Pitt. He took me
01:51for every gilder I had. But of course, speaking of crying, though, I must admit that I did cry a
02:02little bit after the Emmy Television Awards. And I don't want you to think that I'm a sore loser,
02:11or anything like that, you know. And I certainly don't resent George Goebel winning because I'm
02:19a great fan of George Goebel. Really, I'm crazy about him. But I want to ask you one thing. What
02:26is it that George Goebel brought new into television? For years, CBS has had a program called
02:35You Are There. He changed it to So There You Are, and everybody's making a big thing. For years, I've
02:53said hello again. I never even got an award from the telephone company. Well, anyway, ladies and
03:02gentlemen, it just goes to show you that for heaven's sake, Don, this is one rehearsal that I did not want
03:14interrupted. Well, I'm very sorry, Jack, but our director says you've rehearsed your monologue
03:19long enough. We've got other things to do. Well, all right, then I'll go over my dressing room and
03:23lie down for a while and relax until showtime. Okay. Oh, by the way, I'm expecting a reporter,
03:28a young lady from Paris who is here to interview stars on television. So as soon as she arrives,
03:34let me know, will you? Okay, Jack, but right now it's time for us to run through those songs
03:39Bing Crosby's gonna do. Bing Crosby? Yeah. Here it is Saturday and our show goes on tomorrow. Where
03:45in the world is he? Well, Don, you see, I haven't been able to finish this deal with Bing Crosby.
03:53You see, his asking price, his asking price, you see, was $10,000. How much did you offer him? Well,
04:03I didn't, you see, I didn't exactly offer him money. You see, Bing is in the orange juice
04:17business, you see, and I happen to have an orange tree in my backyard. I offered him my entire crop
04:26for the next 20 years. Well, anyway, look it, if you're worried about Crosby, I'm going over to
04:36his house, you know, right now. Oh, what about that reporter? The what? What about that reporter? Oh,
04:41well, you know where Bing lives. Oh, sure. If this lady reporter comes, send her over to Bing's house. Okay.
04:46Okay, Jack. All right. Well, fellas, we're taking a ten-minute break now. It's light-up time.
04:54Light-up time, light-up time, light-up time, light-up time. Tweedly, tweedly, tweedly dee.
05:08We're the men you seldom see. I'm a TV cameraman, and I yell quiet like nobody can. Tweedly, tweedly, tweedly dee.
05:24Tweedly dee, tweedly dee. Lucky stripe, lucky stripe, that's the only smoke for me. Tweedly det, tweedly det.
05:40Luckies are cleaner, fresher, smoother smoking cigarette. LSMFT, light-up time, the luckiest light-up time. So much better tasting it's supply. Lucky stripes are toasted too, and that's the thing that brings a better flavor through. Let's all light a lucky stripe.
06:07Let's all light a lucky stripe. Lucky stripe, lucky stripe. Lucky has a taste you'll like. You will like lucky stripe. Mercy, mercy, pudding pie. Here's the best smoke you can buy. LSLSMFT, tweedly dee. Lucky stripe's the smoke for me.
06:36Light-up time, light-up time, light-up time, light-up time, light-up time, light-up time.
07:06Bing? Bing? Oh, Bing? Oh, Gary!
07:33Gary, I didn't mean to disturb you or anything. I thought you were your father, you know? You always wear clothes like that?
07:48Oh, just around the house, Mr. Benny. Dad's the only one with guts enough to wear them on the street.
07:54I know. By the way, Gary, I came here to talk business with your dad. Is he around?
08:03Well, he's not right now. He went over to the studio to look over a script for a new picture, but he should be home soon.
08:08Oh, well, good, good. Gee, this is a beautiful home you have here. Really, how many rooms have you got in this house?
08:1736.
08:1936 rooms?
08:2136 rooms.
08:22Hey, you remember that picture Little Boy Lost?
08:24Yeah.
08:25It was about my brother, Lindsey.
08:28Well, that I can understand. Well, it certainly is a lovely home. Gosh, it's beautiful. Hmm. Hmm.
08:42That's an Oscar.
08:44I know what it is. Everybody tells me.
08:51Dad won that one in 44 for Going My Way.
08:53I know, I know. And Ronald Coleman won it for Double Life. And Jimmy Stewart won it for The Philadelphia Story.
09:00And William Holden won it for Stalag 17. I know all about those guys that won it.
09:05How can you remember all those awards, Mr. Benny?
09:07Because my psychiatrist is doing a lousy job making me forget.
09:14This week we're starting on the Emmys.
09:20Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Mr. Benny. You'll probably win one someday.
09:23Oh, someday, someday.
09:25Excuse me, Mr. Ward.
09:27Long time ago. I made some good pictures, too, you know. George Washington slept here. Hornblows at midnight.
09:34Yes, sir. What can I do for you today?
09:36I'm a representative of the Bendix Automatic Washing Machine Company.
09:40I just stopped by to see how the new machines were working.
09:42Oh, fine, fine. Dad's very pleased with all four of them.
09:49Thank you very much.
09:50You bet. Bye.
09:51Bye.
09:55Now, Mr. Benny, while you're waiting...
09:57Gary, wait a minute. I want to ask you something.
09:59You mean to tell me that your family can afford to live in a mansion like this with 36 rooms
10:05and you don't send your laundry out?
10:07Well, sure we do. Send out all our laundry.
10:09Well, why have you got four washing machines?
10:12Oh, oh, that. Well, you know Dad. He likes clean money.
10:23Oh, I see. Well, what were you going to ask me before?
10:26Well, I was just wondering if while you were waiting for Dad you might like something to eat or drink.
10:30Well, you know what? I had rehearsal and I had nothing to eat and I came right over here.
10:34I wouldn't mind a sandwich or something.
10:36Fine. I'll ring for the butler.
10:37Oh, fine, fine. Gosh, what a lovely place.
10:44Mmm. Look at this beautiful golf trophy.
10:51Made by the Bing Crosby Enterprises.
10:56Even when he loses, he wins.
11:00Don't smile.
11:07Did you ring, sir?
11:09Yes, Winthrop. Mr. Benny would like something to eat.
11:12Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir.
11:15Well, why is that? No food in the house?
11:17I don't know, sir. I can't find the kitchen.
11:23You can't find the kitchen?
11:25He's only been with us two months.
11:27Oh.
11:30I didn't know we had this room until I saw it on Person to Person.
11:36Numb.
11:41That's all right, Winthrop. You may go.
11:42Oh, thank you, sir.
11:44Gosh, Barry. I can't get over you. You know, really, your whole gang.
11:48I mean, it's just amazing the way you're all so informal and...
12:06Too handicapped.
12:12Say, will you excuse me for a minute, Mr. Benny? I've got to go check the washing machines.
12:16Okay. Sure. Be right back.
12:17Right.
12:23Hmm. There's the door.
12:31Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!
12:49See this? This is a big house.
12:57Yeah?
12:58Pardon, monsieur, but I'm Miss Omon.
13:01And I've been told I would find Monsieur Benny here.
13:03Yeah.
13:04You are Monsieur Benny? Oui?
13:08Wow.
13:10I mean, oui, oui, yes. Oui, oui.
13:13I mean, come in. Come in.
13:15Merci.
13:17Are you the lady from France who writes for the fan magazines?
13:24Oui.
13:25Oh, well, I'd certainly be glad to give you any information that I can.
13:29Won't you sit down?
13:32Right over here.
13:38Now, Monsieur Benny, I have many questions to ask you.
13:41Mm-hmm.
13:43But first, who, in your opinion, is the funniest comedian in television?
13:49Who do I think is the funniest comedian in television?
13:53Well, I...
13:57Really, I...
14:01You find it hard to say?
14:04No. No, it's easy to say.
14:07I guess that it sounds so awful coming from me.
14:13Well, first, I'm sure that my readers in France would like to have a description of you.
14:20Mm-hmm.
14:21How tall are you?
14:24Ten...five foot ten.
14:28And your weight?
14:30A hundred and sixty pounds, I'd say.
14:33And your eyes?
14:34They're blue.
14:36Blue?
14:38They look...
14:39I cried a little.
14:43But anyway, if there's anything that you want to do, I should...
14:47Oh, oh, I'm terribly sorry.
14:49Miss Armand, this is Mr. Crosby.
14:52How are you, Monsieur?
14:53And how do you do?
14:55Crosby!
15:00I've read so much about you and your four boys.
15:05Me and my four boys?
15:07Oh, oh, oh, Monsieur Crosby.
15:09Tell her. Tell her about your four boys.
15:13Oh, oh, the four boys.
15:14Yes.
15:15Well, at the moment, the twins are in the army.
15:18Lindsay's still lost.
15:21And then there's Gary.
15:23A truly fine boy.
15:26Yes.
15:28You know, Monsieur Crosby, to me, you're amazing.
15:33You've been in show business for so long.
15:35And you have four boys.
15:37Tell me, how do you keep so young?
15:39Well, we drink a lot of orange juice around here.
15:43Sort of a frozen fountain of youth.
15:47Are there any other questions?
15:48Yes, but I think I'd rather see you at the studio.
15:51Oh, well, fine, fine, fine.
15:53I'm so glad you came over.
15:54And I'll be at the studio at rehearsal.
15:56And you can come over there.
15:58Au revoir, Monsieur Benny.
16:00Gendarme.
16:05Papa.
16:19Yo.
16:31Say, uh, you think it was all right if we played that little joke on Miss Amon?
16:36Oh, listen, she'll go back to France.
16:39And then she'll write how young and handsome your father is.
16:42Oh, well, me and the old gentleman both, thank you.
16:45Well, that's all right.
16:46Only, I wish that your father would get here, really.
16:48I've got to settle this deal.
16:49I do my television show tomorrow.
16:50He's supposed to sing on it.
16:51Well, he should be here any minute, you know.
16:53But, uh, while you're waiting, Jack, you can do me a big favor.
16:55What's that?
16:56Well, I've got a song here I'm going to record in a couple of days.
16:59And, uh, I thought maybe you might give it a listen.
17:02Oh, sure, I'd love to hear it.
17:04Go ahead.
17:08I got the world on a string
17:11Sitting on a rainbow
17:13Got that string around my finger
17:17Oh, what a world, what a life
17:20I'm in love
17:25I got a song that I sing
17:28I can make old rain go
17:31Anytime I move my finger
17:35Yeah, lucky me
17:37Can't you see I'm in love
17:42Now, life's a beautiful thing
17:46As long as I hold that string
17:50I'd be a silly so-and-so
17:54If I should ever let go
17:59I got the world on a string
18:02Sitting on a rainbow
18:05Got that string around my finger
18:09Oh, what a world, what a life
18:12I'm in love
18:16Now, life's a beautiful thing
18:20As long as I hold that string
18:24I'd be a silly so-and-so
18:29If I should ever let go
18:34I got the world on a string
18:37Sitting on a rainbow
18:40Got that string around my finger
18:44Oh, what a world, what a life
18:47I'm in love
18:52What a world, what a life
18:54What a life, I'm lucky
18:56Cause I'm in love
19:07Gary
19:10Gee, Gary, that was just wonderful
19:13And you know, while you were singing
19:15I couldn't help but think
19:18How much you sounded like your father, you know?
19:22Well, that's a very big compliment, Mr. Benny
19:24But you know, there's a lot of difference
19:25Between Dad and I
19:27Really?
19:28Yeah, when he does a television shot
19:30He gets $10,000
19:32Gee, well, Gary
19:34When you do a television spot as a guest
19:37What do you get?
19:38Me?
19:39About $150
19:52Gary, you mean your father gets $10,000
19:57For a guest appearance
19:58And yet you sound exactly like him
20:01When you sing
20:03And you get $150?
20:05That's right
20:14Sit down, kid
20:17Now, Gary
20:19This is the easiest $150 you ever made in your life
20:22And you can sing the same song you did just now
20:26Gee, Mr. Benny, I thought you wanted Dad on your show
20:28Oh, he won't mind
20:30Look at all the different things he has
20:39Well, for God's sake, Lagoon Eyes
20:41What are you doing here?
20:43I came over here
20:45I came over here to talk with Bing
20:47I had some business with Bing
20:48But fortunately, he's not at home
20:51Oh, well, excuse me
20:52That's... Old Golden Eagle isn't home?
20:54No, he's not around today, no
20:56Oh, gee, that's too bad
20:57You know, today is Saturday
20:58And all the banks are closed
20:59And, well, gee, I wanted to get a check cashed
21:02He does have some money in the house, doesn't he?
21:04Well, yeah
21:05Well, he's got plenty of it in the Bendix
21:09No, but it's not ironed yet
21:12I'm so glad that you told me
21:14Because I would not touch the stuff rough dry
21:18I don't blame you
21:20But look it, look it, Bob
21:21If you want a check cashed
21:22I'll be very, very happy to cash it for you
21:24Oh, I'd certainly appreciate that, Jack
21:26Here it is right here
21:27Sure
21:32$50
21:35Hmm
21:36What's the matter?
21:40Have you any identification?
21:44Jack, it's me
21:46Now, all right, all right
21:49Let's see
21:50Let's see what I've got here
21:51$50
21:53Wait a minute, there's $20
21:55$20
21:56There's $40
21:57$40
21:58$45
21:59$45
22:00$46
22:01$47
22:02$48
22:03$49
22:04Wait a minute, I believe I have some change
22:06Right here for that extra
22:10Oh, there you are
22:11Let me see
22:14Gilders
22:19You see, I haven't had these pants on for a long time
22:23Pants?
22:24I don't understand
22:25Well, it's nothing, nothing
22:26Anyway, Bob, I'm glad you dropped over
22:28Well, thanks, Jack
22:29I've got some business to talk over here with Bing
22:31So I'll see you in just a little while
22:32Isn't this a lovely home?
22:33Nice to come over
22:34Oh, it's beautiful
22:35Bye, Jack
22:36So long
22:37Bye, Gary
22:38So long
22:39Thank you
22:52Gary, Gary
23:02I can't believe it
23:04Now look, Gary
23:05How about coming on the show?
23:06Now here's an easy chance
23:07There's nothing much to do
23:08All you have to do is sing a song
23:09I'll give you $150
23:11Well, I don't know, Mr. Benny
23:13Well, look, I'm sure your dad won't mind
23:16He'll probably be tickled to death
23:17Sure
23:18Oh, of course
23:19And I'll tell you what
23:20We just have time now to go over and rehearse
23:22It'll take no time
23:23Excuse me just a minute
23:27That's all right, Winthrop, I'll get it
23:28But I want you to wait
23:29I want you to take Mr. Benny and me to the studio
23:31Oh, very good, sir
23:32Hello
23:33When I'm worried and I can't sleep
23:36I just count my blessings instead of sheep
23:39Oh, it's dear old Dad
23:42Hi, Dad
23:44Oh, Gary, I just called CBS
23:46And they told me that Mr. Benny was at our house
23:49Yeah, he's right here
23:50You want to talk to him?
23:52Yeah, yeah
23:53I'll wheel him over to the phone, all right?
23:57Mr. Benny, Dad wants to talk to you
24:00Hi, Bing
24:02Hi, Jack
24:03Jack, I've been considering that deal
24:05About going on your television show
24:07And I think I can make it
24:10But, Bing
24:11Look, Jack, I think you're right about what you said
24:12You know, about...
24:14You know what you said when I told you I wanted $10,000?
24:17Well, I didn't say anything
24:19Well, you did after I threw that water in your face
24:27Well, Jack, I'm perfectly willing to come on your show tomorrow
24:30Just as a favor for $7,500
24:34$7,500?
24:36Well, look, Bing
24:37I just heard Gary sing, you see
24:40And he sounds so much like you, you know
24:43And I just made a deal with him for $150
24:48What?
24:49Let me talk to him
24:52Gary, your daddy wants you
24:56Hello, Daddy
24:57Gary, how dare you take a job on Mr. Benny's program
25:00When I practically have the deal closed
25:03See, Dad, I didn't know anything...
25:04And other things
25:05But, imagine Jack offering you $150
25:08I think it's ridiculous
25:09I think it's absurd
25:11You keep out of this
25:12You can't even find the kitchen
25:17Well, Dad, I'll do whatever you say
25:20You bet you will
25:21Now, the deal is off
25:23I'll talk to you about it when I get home
25:24Goodbye
25:25Goodbye
25:33Mr. Benny, I'm sorry, but Dad says no go
25:38Gee, I do this show tomorrow and I...
25:41I mean, I need a singer
25:43I know
25:44I mean, where can I get a singer for $150?
25:47I got the world on a screen
25:52Wonderful!
25:53I'll see you later, come on
26:01Jack, we'll be back in just a moment
26:02First?
26:28Those men out there have the right idea
26:30Comes the time to take a quick break
26:32Comes a great time to light up
26:34And a great cigarette to light up is a Lucky
26:37That's because better taste is what you get every time, anytime you smoke a Lucky
26:42Luckies taste better because they're made of fine, light, naturally good-tasting tobacco
26:47The very well-known letters, L.S., M.F.T., tell you
26:50Lucky Strike means fine tobacco
26:53But fine tobacco is not all that makes a Lucky taste better
26:56The famous Lucky Strike process
26:58It's toasted
26:59Brings that fine tobacco to its peak of flavor
27:02It's toasted to taste better
27:04To taste cleaner
27:06Fresher
27:07Smoother
27:09So look for the bright red bullseye next time you buy cigarettes
27:13Get a pack of Luckies
27:15You'll find it's the best-tasting cigarette you ever smoked
27:18For the taste that you like
27:21Light up a Lucky Strike
27:23Right now
27:26Light up a Lucky
27:29It's light up time
27:36Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen
27:39Thank you
27:42We're pretty late, so goodnight
27:45I'll be back
27:58You