Life With Elizabeth: Phone Calls To Work/Girl Scout Trip/Census Taker
Not Rated | 30min | Comedy | TV Episode
In the first segment, Elizabeth pesters Alvin with her constant inconsequential phone calls to his office; in the second, Elizabeth asks Alvin to quiz her on the Girl Scout leader's handbook to ensure she's prepared for her first camping trip and in the last part, Elizabeth bedevils a poor census taker.
Director: Duke Goldstone
Writers: George Tibbles, Milt Kahn
Stars: Betty White, Del Moore, Frank De Vol
Not Rated | 30min | Comedy | TV Episode
In the first segment, Elizabeth pesters Alvin with her constant inconsequential phone calls to his office; in the second, Elizabeth asks Alvin to quiz her on the Girl Scout leader's handbook to ensure she's prepared for her first camping trip and in the last part, Elizabeth bedevils a poor census taker.
Director: Duke Goldstone
Writers: George Tibbles, Milt Kahn
Stars: Betty White, Del Moore, Frank De Vol
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Betty White's In Life With Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:14The life of Elizabeth occurred the time she called Alvin down.
00:24I say she called him down because that's where he was.
00:27Down at the office. If we hurry, we can catch Elizabeth before all the mix-up starts.
00:51Elizabeth, how are you today?
00:56Got to decide which one to wear tonight?
01:01Got an idea? You're going to call someone.
01:03Who?
01:05Alvin.
01:07I wouldn't call him at the office, Elizabeth. He might be busy.
01:14Hello?
01:15Hello, darling.
01:16Oh, hi, sweetheart.
01:17You busy?
01:18Oh, a little bit, but go ahead. What's on your mind?
01:20Which of these two dresses shall I wear tonight?
01:24Now, there's a fine question to ask me on the phone.
01:28I guess you're right. I should have sent you a telegram.
01:31Elizabeth, have you flipped your pretty little wig?
01:33Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I was just kidding.
01:36It's just that I'm so excited to have a date with my handsome husband, I can't make up my mind about the dresses.
01:41Seriously, which one shall I wear?
01:43You're forgetting that I can't see them.
01:45Well, they're hanging right there.
01:48Bye.
01:49No, really. The yellow or the blue?
01:51The yellow.
01:52Okay, thanks.
01:53Bye.
01:54Bye.
01:55What a gal.
02:01Hello?
02:02Alvin, you were right about the blue.
02:04Okay, fine. Bye.
02:06Oh, Elizabeth, wait a minute. Don't hang up. Hey, Elizabeth.
02:08Alvin, don't yell like that. You made the dog bark.
02:11I didn't want you to hang up. What time are you picking me up?
02:13Why should I pick you up?
02:15You have the car.
02:17But you have the car keys.
02:20Oh, well, there's another set in that jar in the kitchen.
02:23Look, pick me up at the office. I'll get out by 5.
02:254.30, right.
02:26I said 5.
02:28Yeah, but I know me. I have to think 4.30 to get there at 5.
02:32Even then I'll be a little late. I'd better think 4.30.
02:35Look, I took all of that into account. I don't get off until 5.30.
02:39So what time should I think?
02:41Bye, Elizabeth.
02:51Oh, no.
02:58Hello.
02:59Honey, you were right about the yellow.
03:01Elizabeth, is that why you called me up?
03:04No, not really. I got to thinking.
03:07If you wouldn't mind walking a couple of extra blocks, I could meet you at the corner of 7th and Maple.
03:11Oh, you mean because of the traffic?
03:13Mm-hmm. Would you mind very much?
03:15Oh, of course not. 7th and Maple it is. Bye.
03:19Keys in the jar. 7th and Maple.
03:25Hello.
03:26Elizabeth, those two streets don't cross.
03:28It's a street.
03:297th and Maple. They parallel each other. They run the same way.
03:35Oh, what's the matter with me? Isn't that silly?
03:39It sure is.
03:41Let's make it 8th and Maple.
03:44Elizabeth, doesn't it naturally follow that if 7th and Maple run the same way,
03:49then 8th and Maple would run the same way?
03:52Not necessarily.
03:54If Mr. Smith is knock-kneed and Mr. Jones is bow-legged, they wouldn't run the same way.
04:01Where are we meeting, Elizabeth?
04:05Oh, I'm sorry. Let's see.
04:07I know. You know where Wilshire Boulevard and 7th Street kind of do this?
04:12I can't see what you're doing, Elizabeth.
04:15Oh, where they cross?
04:16Yeah.
04:17And then the street kind of swoops around this way?
04:20Elizabeth, I'll meet you at the station. Goodbye.
04:25Gladys, would you remind me that I'm meeting my wife at 5.30 at the station?
04:33Hey, hello.
04:34Railroad, radio, gas, or police?
04:36What are you talking about?
04:38Well, I'm meeting you at the station. I'm supposed to. And which one?
04:41All of them. Just keep going from one to the other until I catch up to you.
04:45Alvin, you don't have to be sarcastic. I won't call you again.
04:48I'm sorry, honey.
04:50Look, I'll meet you in front of the information booth at the railroad station.
04:54There's a parking lot there and there's no traffic.
04:57Now, which dress are you going to wear so we can get that straight?
05:01I'll wear the yellow under the blue.
05:04All right. That's good.
05:06Now, you won't call me again, will you?
05:08No.
05:09Bye.
05:10Bye.
05:17Hello, Elizabeth.
05:19You promise you won't get mad at me?
05:21All right.
05:23I wouldn't have called you except it's important.
05:25All right, all right.
05:27You promise you won't get mad?
05:29All right, all right, all right!
05:30Alvin, your all rights are edgy.
05:32If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a man with edgy all rights.
05:36Never mind that. What's so important?
05:40What time did we say?
05:424.30.
05:44You said that you were going to think 4.15.
05:47I think I'll think 4.30.
05:50Elizabeth.
05:51Hmm?
05:52I shall hang up on you at this point.
05:54Why?
05:55I'm coming home.
05:57We'll leave the house together.
05:59All right.
06:00Oh, and by the way, in spite of all this, I love you very much.
06:05Me too.
06:06Bye.
06:07Bye.
06:09Elizabeth.
06:10Now wasn't that nice?
06:15Incident number two in the life of Elizabeth
06:17occurred the time she was asked to go along on a Girl Scout outing
06:21as assistant troop leader.
06:23As I recall it, she was practicing on how to sit around a campfire.
06:38Very pretty, dear. You're improving.
06:41You think so?
06:42I thought I was just getting used to it.
06:48I know what's wrong.
06:49Oh, really?
06:50I have been doing this.
06:51Oh.
06:52Wait till you see how much better this sounds.
06:57Honey, I don't want the neighbors to think I'm beating my wife.
07:00Alvin isn't beating me.
07:04Don't you think you ought to be studying up a little on first aid and stuff
07:07instead of doing that?
07:08After all, an assistant troop leader should know something
07:11besides two miserable notes on a harmonica.
07:13Oh, ignore the nasty way you phrased that statement, Alvin.
07:19Here.
07:20What's this?
07:21Girl Scout handbook.
07:23Ask me any question in that book.
07:25Okay, we'll see how smart you are.
07:31Hey, I found a new note.
07:33Do you want me to help you with this?
07:35Sure, let's go.
07:36Okay.
07:38What are some of the out-of-doors rules?
07:41What page?
07:4266.
07:44On a hike with your troop, be responsible for one of the following.
07:47Where to go, what to wear.
07:49Okay, you know that one.
07:50All right.
07:57I have another question for you as soon as you're through howling at the moon.
08:00I'm not howling at the moon, honey.
08:01That was old Susanna.
08:02How do you tell directions by the stars?
08:07The page 264?
08:09Yes.
08:11At night, north of the equator, there is one constant compass point.
08:15The North Star or Polar Star, see page 256.
08:18It is...
08:19Hey, wait a minute.
08:21You memorized this.
08:22I memorized the whole book.
08:25Let's try some questions.
08:26Why?
08:27Everything I need to know is in that book.
08:29Just the same.
08:30I'll give you some of my life-saving questions left over from the old army days.
08:35If you don't stick to the girl's cock book, you're going to get some pretty silly answers.
08:38Never mind that.
08:40We'll take a hypothetical case.
08:42Now, there's a man drowning down at the beach.
08:44What do you do?
08:46Nothing.
08:47The man is yelling for help.
08:49He's drowning.
08:50I can't hear him.
08:51I'm not hearing him.
08:52I'm not hearing him.
08:53The man is yelling for help.
08:54He's drowning.
08:55I can't hear him.
08:56I'm home cooking dinner.
08:59Let's start over again.
09:01Look, you can hear the man drowning because you are down at the beach, too.
09:05You're even wearing a bathing suit.
09:07Now, what do you do?
09:09Nothing.
09:10Why not?
09:11I can't swim.
09:17You don't have to be so rough.
09:19Oh, I'm sorry.
09:20All right, let's forget the man down at the beach.
09:22Now...
09:23Why?
09:24He's in trouble.
09:25But you don't know it because you're home cooking dinner.
09:28Well, I know about it.
09:29Now, Alvin, we better get down.
09:32For goodness sake.
09:34All right, now here we are down at the beach.
09:36Now, what was your question?
09:37What do you do about the drowning man?
09:39Nothing.
09:40I got here too late.
09:43Alvin's beating me.
09:48Wait.
09:49Come on.
09:50Okay, honey, I'll be good.
09:51No.
09:53Now, ask me some more questions.
09:55No.
09:57Okay, I'll play one more chorus of Oh, Susanna.
10:02You win.
10:03But, honey, please, will you stop clowning around?
10:06Okay.
10:07All right.
10:08Now, let's say that I have a broken toe.
10:09What do you do about it?
10:11Put it in a splint.
10:13First sensible thing you've said all night.
10:15I'll go get my first aid kit.
10:16You put your foot up.
10:18This ought to be good.
10:22Here we go.
10:23Now.
10:27What are you doing?
10:28Gotta find out how to open the first aid kit.
10:38I'm gonna pull this in a minute, honey.
10:39Now, the first thing we do, you see,
10:41is we splint the leg like this.
10:47Like this.
10:48Come on around up here.
10:50Hey, wait a minute.
10:51I said that my toe is broken, Elizabeth.
10:54Well, I only have leg splints, honey.
10:56That'll keep you off that toe for a while.
10:59Now, the next thing to do
11:01is entertain the patient while he's in that helpless condition.
11:10Have you ever thought of using that thing as an anesthetic?
11:13No, but I'll play you one chorus of Anna Sousa.
11:16That's Oh, Susanna spelled backwards.
11:19Wait a minute.
11:20I have one more question.
11:22How do you treat a broken jaw?
11:25Alvin, you wouldn't dare.
11:26Answer the question.
11:28I don't even think that's in the book.
11:30Good. Get up. I'll show you.
11:31Come on.
11:32Stand up.
11:33Come on.
11:34Now, I'll show you.
11:35Put your hands behind you like this.
11:37And we tie the patient's hands back here
11:40so they won't interfere with the treatment.
11:41Hold still.
11:42Broken jaw.
11:43Is that 117?
11:45There we are.
11:46Now, we turn around like so.
11:48Oh, I'll need something to hold the mouth open.
11:51Hold it open.
11:52There you are. Like that.
11:53Now, we take this and splint the head
11:55right over the top, see?
11:57There we are.
12:05There we are.
12:07Hi, honey.
12:11Bye, honey.
12:22Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth
12:24occurred the night she almost cost
12:26the census taker his census.
12:28Well, he wasn't a census taker exactly.
12:31He was taking a survey.
12:33No, I would make him a surveyor.
12:35Let's go back a year or two and see for ourselves.
12:39Don't be alarmed.
12:40Alvin's in the den and Elizabeth's out walking the dogs.
12:43Ah, here she is now.
12:48The big fellow is Stormy.
12:50He lives here.
12:51The little guy is Bandy.
12:53He belongs to Mama.
12:55Elizabeth and Alvin are sort of dog-sitting
12:58while Mama's down at the neighborhood show.
13:01Alvin.
13:05Oh, hi, honey.
13:06Here, let me take Stormy.
13:07Will you, honey?
13:08Yeah, hi, boy.
13:09Nice walk.
13:10Come on.
13:11Come on, Stormy.
13:12Come on.
13:14Yeah, good boy.
13:15Oh, my goodness.
13:17There we go.
13:18Now, won't you let Stormy give you an inferiority complex?
13:22He'd just give anything to have a little flat face like yours.
13:25You stay there and go to sleep,
13:27or do you go to your mom and come some, huh?
13:29You stay now.
13:30Happy stay.
13:31Well, he's all set.
13:32When's your mother due back from the movie?
13:34I think she said another couple of hours, honey.
13:36Hey, doesn't it strike you as kind of odd
13:38that she'd come to visit us
13:39and spend the entire evening in a movie?
13:41This is the only place you can get good popcorn.
13:44Say, if that's supposed to be a funny joke,
13:46I don't have time to laugh.
13:47I'm watching the Harry Ratbone show.
13:49Come on, honey.
13:51See you right there.
13:54You know yourself.
13:55Good boy.
13:58I told you to stay.
13:59I'll see you right there, honey.
14:04Hello.
14:05How do you do?
14:06I'm conducting a house-to-house survey in this area.
14:10You see?
14:11And you wouldn't want me to come in
14:13and ask you a few questions, would you?
14:17Thank you anyway.
14:18Goodbye, and thanks for opening the door.
14:21Wait a minute.
14:22We're very interested in surveys around this house.
14:25Come on in.
14:26I'll call my husband.
14:27Alvin!
14:28You see, we're setting about to get the population
14:32and the type of dogs.
14:33Alvin!
14:35I'm sorry.
14:36You were saying?
14:37Well, I'm conducting this survey
14:39for my magazine to determine the canine population.
14:42Honey, we have company.
14:44Come on in.
14:45Sit down.
14:47A minute ago, you thanked me for opening the door.
14:50You mean to tell me a lot of people
14:52don't open the door when you ring?
14:53Well, they look through those little peepholes.
14:55I usually carry on a conversation with an eyeball.
14:58Tell me more about the survey.
15:00Do you have a dog?
15:02Yes.
15:03But tell me more about the survey.
15:05Well, Mr. Sylvester is the editor of our magazine.
15:08Do you know him?
15:10He's in the other room watching the hairy rat bone show.
15:13He is?
15:14Oh, good.
15:15I'll get him.
15:17Hey, I thought you were going to...
15:19Who killed him?
15:21Honey, he's making some kind of a survey.
15:23I'm not sure.
15:24I think it's psychological.
15:25Oh.
15:26Well, Mr. Sylvester, this is a pleasant surprise.
15:30I've worked for you, but I've never had the pleasure
15:32of making your acquaintance your sanctum sanctorum
15:34being what it is.
15:36My what?
15:37Don't worry about it, honey.
15:38It hardly shows.
15:40I'm the one that wrote your slogan for the magazine.
15:44What slogan?
15:45Let's all dog it together?
15:47Well, I'm afraid there's been a slight case
15:49of mistaken identity here.
15:51There has?
15:52Oh, I see.
15:54Well, that's pretty stupid of me.
15:56I'm sorry.
15:57This is my husband, Alvin.
15:58This isn't your boss.
16:00Well, how do you do?
16:01Hi.
16:02How about a race?
16:04No, you don't understand.
16:05This isn't your Mr. Sylvester.
16:07Well, I know, but if you'll give me a race,
16:09I'll quit Mr. Sylvester.
16:11Get the napkin.
16:12Get the napkin.
16:13Uh, Alvin.
16:14Let's get back to the survey.
16:16Do you want to use the desk?
16:17Very well.
16:22You don't need me for this, honey.
16:23I have a cold.
16:24I'm going to go in the other room for a while.
16:26Honey, you'll need us both to answer the questions.
16:28Go and get a chair.
16:29Now, these questions may sound a little unorthodox to you,
16:32but that's the whole point of this survey.
16:34Anybody can ask ordinary questions.
16:37I told you it was psychological, darling.
16:41My name is Fred.
16:43If you'd just talked to me,
16:44she wouldn't have called you darling after all.
16:46What do you want to know about us?
16:48Well, I don't want to know anything about you,
16:50but you have a third party staying here?
16:54Oh, Mama?
16:55She's only visiting us.
16:56Well, that doesn't make any difference.
16:58You see, we'll put her down anyway.
17:01Ma...
17:03Ma.
17:05Male or female?
17:06Get the nerve.
17:08He said they'd be unorthodox questions, sweetheart.
17:12My name is Fres.
17:15You won't need me to answer questions about Mama.
17:17I'll be in the other room, honey.
17:19Oh, don't forget about the race.
17:23Nice fella.
17:25He is.
17:26Go on, this is fascinating.
17:28Well, now, what's her lineage?
17:31Well, Mama's Scotch, Irish,
17:35a little German, maybe.
17:37Yeah.
17:38Scotch, Terrier,
17:41Irish, Setter,
17:44possible German Shepherd.
17:47Does she sit up?
17:50Oh, oh, I see what you mean.
17:52Yeah, yeah, she sits up with Papa whenever he's sick.
17:55Yeah, I see.
18:00Uh, does she bark at people?
18:03Only at Papa.
18:07Barks at Papa.
18:11Uh, has she ever seen a vet?
18:14Yes.
18:15Yes, as a matter of fact, Papa's a vet himself.
18:17He was in World War I.
18:20Those are very odd answers.
18:22You don't want to fool with the officials, you know.
18:25Odd questions, odd answers.
18:27Go on.
18:28Uh, what kind of dog food does she prefer?
18:30Mama doesn't eat dog food.
18:33Scraps from the table?
18:34Oh, Mama, scraps from any place.
18:41A fighter.
18:43Now, what kind of coat does she have on?
18:45Rabbit.
18:47Well, you mean it looks like rabbit fur.
18:49Yeah.
18:50Has silk lining, and has the big pockets.
18:54What's the matter?
18:55Lady, we're not discussing a kangaroo.
18:58I'm sorry.
18:59I'm entitled to one wrong answer.
19:03Does she sleep in a dog house or on the back porch?
19:07No.
19:08No answer.
19:10Uh, does she howl at the moon?
19:14There seems to be something wrong here.
19:16Does she knock furniture over when she wags her tail?
19:19Does she?
19:20Does she?
19:21Alvin.
19:22What's the matter?
19:23You stay here.
19:24I'll get the net.
19:25Wait.
19:26What have you been saying to my wife?
19:28We were just discussing your dog Mama when she got hysterical.
19:31Now I bid you goodbye.
19:32It's safer for me to talk to eyeballs.
19:36Your dog?
19:38I thought we were discussing my mother.
19:41Your mother?
19:43Oh, no wonder I acted so silly.
19:46Isn't that right?
19:47Isn't that silly?
19:49Isn't that ridiculous?
19:51Well, we do have a dog if you want to finish the survey.
19:55Well, sure, let's.
20:01Now is it thoroughly understood that we're talking about dogs?
20:05Of course.
20:06Why don't you go put on some coffee, darling?
20:09I'd love to, but I have to write out this survey.
20:13She was talking to me.
20:17I'll be right back.
20:18I'll go get Stormy's papers.
20:29Well, if I'd noticed you before, we wouldn't have had all that.
20:33You're such a sweet little puppy.
20:35Here they are.
20:37Now.
20:42What do you want to know about Stormy?
20:43Well, we'll skip all the obvious questions in a second.
20:47How much does he eat?
20:50Oh, I'd say about two and a half pounds of meat a day.
20:59Glutton.
21:01Well, how are we doing?
21:03Did you tell him how Stormy can sit up and roll over
21:05and how he's always stealing food off the top of the refrigerator?
21:08Not yet.
21:10Acrobat.
21:14What's his lineage?
21:16Well, it's all right here.
21:17His father was a champion St. Bernard.
21:21How do you account for his size?
21:23Well, you're the dog expert.
21:24You tell us.
21:25Well, his mother must have been a mouse.
21:30You're all right.
21:33How much does your dog weigh?
21:36Oh.
21:37Oh, I'd say about 165 pounds, wouldn't you, honey?
21:41Oh, honey, about 175.
21:43We're talking about Stormy, not Mama.
21:46Heckle that.
21:47Mama weighs 240.
21:53What did I say?
21:54Mama does weigh 240, doesn't she, honey?
21:56Oh, sure.
21:57Where are you going, Fred?
21:58That little dog does not weigh 175 pounds,
22:01nor does he steal food from off the top of the refrigerator,
22:04nor was his father a champion St. Bernard.
22:06Nor was it...
22:07Look, would you stop gnawing for a minute and listen?
22:09This is Bambi, Mama's dog.
22:11This isn't Stormy.
22:12Stormy's out in the backyard.
22:15Well, what a crazy mixed-up afternoon this has been.
22:20I tell you, why don't we start this all over again?
22:22We'll pretend we don't know each other.
22:24That's a good idea.
22:25Good.
22:26And then we don't get mixed up.
22:27You came in the door, remember?
22:28Okay.
22:31Hello.
22:32How do you do?
22:33I'm making a house-to-house survey.
22:34Do you have a dog?
22:35D-O-G, dog?
22:36Yes, yes, we do.
22:37We have a St. Bernard.
22:39Oh.
22:40Alvin!
22:41Well, well, who killed him?
22:43What do you do, Mr. Sylvester?
22:44No, no, you stay here.
22:45I'll get the newspaper.
22:46Oh, very good.
22:47This isn't Mr. Sylvester.
22:48This is Bambi.
22:49This is Bambi.
22:51Say goodbye to the people.
22:52Goodbye, everybody.
22:53Goodbye, everybody.
22:54No, there must be.
22:55I know.
22:56I know.
22:57I know.
22:58I know.
22:59I know.
23:00I know.
23:01I know.
23:02I know.
23:03I know.
23:04I know.
23:05I know.
23:06I know.
23:07I know.
23:08I know.
23:09I know.
23:10I know.
23:11I know.
23:12I know.
23:13I know.
23:14I know.
23:15I know.
23:16I know.
23:17I know.
23:18I know.
23:19I know.
23:20I know.
23:21I know.
23:22I know.
23:23I know.
23:24I know.
23:25I know.
23:26I know.
23:27I know.
23:28I know.
23:29I know.
23:30I know.
23:31I know.
23:32I know.
23:33I know.
23:34I know.
23:35I know.
23:36I know.
23:37I know.
23:38I know.
23:39I know.
23:40I know.
23:41I know.
23:42I know.
23:43I know.
23:44I know.
23:45I know.
23:46I know.
23:47I know.
23:48I know.
23:49I know.
23:50I know.
23:51I know.
23:52I know.
23:53I know.
23:54I know.
23:55I know.
23:56I know.
23:57I know.
23:58I know.
23:59I know.
24:00I know.
24:01I know.
24:02I know.
24:03I know.
24:04I know.
24:05I know.
24:06I know.
24:07I know.
24:08I know.
24:09I know.
24:10I know.
24:11I know.
24:12I know.
24:13I know.
24:14I know.
24:15I know.
24:16I know.
24:17I know.
24:18I know.
24:19I know.
24:20I know.
24:21I know.
24:22I know.
24:23I know.