Passed | 1h 25min | Comedy, Drama, Romance | 22 February 1931 (USA)
A lonely husband, whose wife has been away, hires a look-a-like impersonator to fill his place and fool his mother-in-law while he plays around with a pretty coquette. His wife returns that night and confusion prevails.
Director: Russell Mack
Writers: A.H. Woods, Walter DeLeon
Stars: Edward Everett Horton, Esther Ralston, Laura La Plante
A lonely husband, whose wife has been away, hires a look-a-like impersonator to fill his place and fool his mother-in-law while he plays around with a pretty coquette. His wife returns that night and confusion prevails.
Director: Russell Mack
Writers: A.H. Woods, Walter DeLeon
Stars: Edward Everett Horton, Esther Ralston, Laura La Plante
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:31I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:32I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:33I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:34I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:35I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:36I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:37I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:38I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:39I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:40I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:41I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:42I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:43I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:44I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:45I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:46I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:47I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:49I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:50I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:51I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:52I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:53I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:54I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:55I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:56I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:57I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:58I'm going to get you out of here.
00:00:59I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:00I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:01I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:02I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:03I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:04I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:05I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:06I'm going to get you out of here.
00:01:07sock daddy is beside me
00:01:29Mr. Plotkin,
00:01:30must not shut that off.
00:01:31It grows on me.
00:01:32I'm sorry,
00:01:33it's Mrs. Mantle's order.
00:01:34Mrs. Mantle?
00:01:35Is she?
00:01:36She's Mr. Smith's mother-in-law.
00:01:37She wasn't home for dinner tonight.
00:01:39I didn't even know he was married until a few moments ago.
00:01:41He's inclined to forget it himself at times.
00:01:44He's, uh, very susceptible.
00:01:46That's kind of a Greek, susceptible?
00:01:49Maybe my it isn't working today.
00:01:52The day isn't over yet.
00:01:55What do you mean?
00:01:56As night draws on, at 8 o'clock to be precise, he changes.
00:02:00Changes?
00:02:01How?
00:02:02Well, during the day, Mr. Smith is a lawyer, a businessman.
00:02:05But at 8 o'clock, the little bird starts singing in his soul,
00:02:09and he begins to bloom.
00:02:10Bloom?
00:02:12Any pretty woman can twist him around her finger.
00:02:14Any pretty woman?
00:02:17Well, the prettier she is, the more twisted he gets.
00:02:22It's what they call prenatal influence.
00:02:24Oh, that's a new alibi for an old complaint.
00:02:28You notice the lady of the song is called Madeline.
00:02:30That's Mrs. Smith's name also.
00:02:33And, uh, mother-in-law's idea is to keep hubby's mind on his absent wife, eh?
00:02:37Exactly.
00:02:38Andrews?
00:02:39Yes, sir?
00:02:44His mind is very active tonight.
00:02:52Audubon 2456.
00:02:55Yes, please.
00:03:01Hello?
00:03:04Hello, Mindy.
00:03:05Say, listen, Diane.
00:03:06Your husband didn't forget himself and stay home tonight, did he?
00:03:09No, he's out again.
00:03:10Well, listen, this is very important.
00:03:12You put on your prettiest dress and come over here.
00:03:15I found the very lawyer to get your divorce for you.
00:03:18And, uh, from all I hear, it won't cost you any more than a smile or two.
00:03:22That sounds great, Mindy.
00:03:23Who is he?
00:03:27I say, who is he, and where can I find him?
00:03:29He's the lawyer I started working for today, Mr. Richard Smith.
00:03:33You know the address.
00:03:34And, uh, Diane, get here by 8 o'clock.
00:03:39Yes, 8 o'clock.
00:03:42Will you come?
00:03:43Sure, I'll be there.
00:04:00Oh, Miss Miller.
00:04:02Mr. Smith wants you to bring your notebook and pencil.
00:04:04More dictation?
00:04:07Remarkable how active his mind is tonight.
00:04:10It's nearly 8 o'clock.
00:04:12You had better hurry.
00:04:13Hurry nothing.
00:04:14I want to see how a man acts when he, uh, blooms.
00:04:27Good evening, Andrews.
00:04:29You haven't kept dinner waiting for me.
00:04:30No, ma'am.
00:04:31Is Mr. Smith finished yet?
00:04:33He's having his dessert in his room.
00:04:34Dessert in his room, eh?
00:04:36Well, thank heaven I got home before 8 o'clock.
00:04:38Yes, ma'am.
00:04:39Just a minute, Andrews.
00:04:40I'll take this.
00:04:41It's a new phonograph record.
00:04:42But we must not let him grow tired of the other one.
00:04:45No, ma'am.
00:04:46A man can be reminded too much of anything, even a wife.
00:05:00Dessert in his room, eh?
00:05:02Pardon me.
00:05:03Were you looking for someone?
00:05:04Well, certainly not for you.
00:05:06I had no idea that Mr. Smith was entertaining lady friends.
00:05:10Well, I'd hardly say I'd gotten that far.
00:05:21I'm only here on trial.
00:05:23Trial?
00:05:24Yes.
00:05:25He promised that if I made good today, he'd keep me.
00:05:30Keep you?
00:05:33Oh.
00:05:34Oh, I see.
00:05:35You're the new secretary.
00:05:37Well, of course.
00:05:38What did you think?
00:05:39Well, if you knew my son-in-law as I know him,
00:05:41you wouldn't blame me for having misjudged you.
00:05:44You don't mean he's a passion flower?
00:05:46Well, he's no geranium.
00:05:50And if you're wise, you won't stay here another minute.
00:05:55I don't mind.
00:05:56I get paid double for it.
00:05:57Nothing could pay you for what might happen.
00:06:00You're not at all the sort of young woman that should be
00:06:02around here after 8 o'clock.
00:06:06You'd be surprised.
00:06:09Andrew.
00:06:12We're in the name of St. Martin's.
00:06:15Yes, yes sir, yes sir.
00:06:17The hopper on my filing cabinet is all broken.
00:06:19All my important papers are all over the floor.
00:06:20Get them up at once.
00:06:22Yes sir.
00:06:28Mr. Smith, you have those papers ready for my signature?
00:06:29Not yet, Mr. Smith.
00:06:30You see your mother-in-law...
00:06:31Oh, hang my mother-in-law.
00:06:34Yes sir.
00:06:35Oh, hello, Mother.
00:06:37Oh, Mother, pardon my English.
00:06:39I thought you were in Newark.
00:06:40I'm sorry to disappoint you.
00:06:42But Richard, if you're not too busy,
00:06:44I would like just a word with you.
00:06:45One word?
00:06:46Well, that's unusual, Mother.
00:06:47What is it?
00:06:48I want to see you alone.
00:06:49Well, that's impossible at the present moment, Mother.
00:06:50Impossible.
00:06:51But Richard, I have something very important to tell you.
00:06:53Miss Minter, Miss Minter, please.
00:06:54What did you do with those papers in the Randall murder case?
00:06:56Richard, I have a surprise for you.
00:06:59Oh, you're going home.
00:07:00Oh, I'm sorry.
00:07:01Mother, please.
00:07:02Can't you see that I'm busy with Miss Minter?
00:07:04Miss Minter, busy, please.
00:07:05Busy, busy, busy.
00:07:06Hm.
00:07:07Busy.
00:07:08Mother, your suspicions hurt me.
00:07:10Now, what possible objection can you have to Miss Minter?
00:07:12Well, I don't like her wiggle.
00:07:14Her what?
00:07:15Her wiggle.
00:07:16Her walk.
00:07:17Oh, I hadn't noticed it.
00:07:18Miss Minter, wiggle.
00:07:19That is, walk, please.
00:07:24Oh.
00:07:25That will do.
00:07:26Never do that again during business hours.
00:07:28Never.
00:07:31Now, come, Mother.
00:07:32Come.
00:07:34Run along.
00:07:35Run along like a good little girl,
00:07:36and I promise you the only thing that she'll wiggle
00:07:38is her corona.
00:07:40But Richard, now we must have our talk.
00:07:43You'll send for me when she leaves?
00:07:45I will, Mother.
00:07:46I will, if you'll promise not to come until I send for you.
00:07:49All right, Richard, dear.
00:07:50Remember, I trust you.
00:07:54Since when?
00:08:00Now, Miss Minter, where were we?
00:08:03Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:08:05Oh, yes.
00:08:06Remarkable speech of Richard Smith in the Randall murder case.
00:08:10The eminent lawyer.
00:08:13Oh, my word.
00:08:14Why, that's a picture of me.
00:08:17Why, you couldn't tell me from the murderer.
00:08:19You know, I could sue a firm like this.
00:08:21Sue them for libel.
00:08:23Come, come, come, come, come.
00:08:24To work.
00:08:25Dictation.
00:08:26Take a letter.
00:08:27You ready?
00:08:28Shoot?
00:08:29I...
00:08:30Yes, please, Miss Minter, during office hours.
00:08:32I'll try it again.
00:08:33Are you ready?
00:08:34Yes, Mr. Smith.
00:08:35That's better.
00:08:37Mr. George Speldin, Elizabethtown, New York, dear sir.
00:08:39Got that?
00:08:40Just a minute.
00:08:41Miss Minter, what is the matter?
00:08:42Mr. Smith.
00:08:43Mr. George Speldin was the name.
00:08:45Elizabethtown, New York, dear sir.
00:08:48I am in receipt of your proposition,
00:08:50offering the $1,000 to assist you in the defense of your client
00:08:53accused of, uh, of, uh...
00:08:55Dear me, what was that accusation?
00:08:57Murder.
00:08:58Don't tell me.
00:09:00Your suggestion that two weeks in the country
00:09:02would be almost a vacation is no attraction.
00:09:06Period.
00:09:07We'll make the fee $2,000 and cut the vacation.
00:09:11Gleaming lakes and rose gardens do not appeal to me,
00:09:15as I am a businessman, strictly business.
00:09:18Strictly business.
00:09:29Gleaming lakes.
00:09:33And rose gardens.
00:09:36Uh, that's a pretty thought.
00:09:42Pretty flower.
00:09:48That letter can wait, Miss Minter.
00:09:49Take a note.
00:09:52Miss Lucille Darling, the Vanderbilt Hotel, New York City.
00:09:55Have you got that?
00:09:56Just a minute.
00:09:57Take your time, Miss Minter.
00:09:58Take your time.
00:10:01My dear Miss Darling,
00:10:03I called at your apartment last Tuesday night
00:10:05four times between the hours of 8 and 12.
00:10:09When you make an appointment with me,
00:10:11you should not fool me.
00:10:13Will you please return my blue silk pajamas?
00:10:16Mr. Smith.
00:10:20Which I loaned you for the art student's ball.
00:10:25Very disrespectfully, Richard.
00:10:29But you know my name, Miss Minter.
00:10:30I don't have to tell you.
00:10:33We'll call it a day, shall we?
00:10:35It's been a very hard day, too.
00:10:37I wonder, do you feel like a cordial?
00:10:39Very cordial.
00:10:41Oh, you little wisecracker.
00:10:44You may wiggle for me if you like.
00:10:52Yes, that'll do.
00:10:54I was right.
00:10:55A very dangerous woman.
00:10:59Doubly dangerous.
00:11:01Andrews.
00:11:05Oh, Andrews.
00:11:09Andrews, bring a cordial, would you please?
00:11:11Sorry, sir, but there's not a drink in the house.
00:11:14Mrs. Mantle's ordered, sir.
00:11:17Oh, how stupid.
00:11:19But you weren't thirsty anyway, were you?
00:11:21No.
00:11:22He didn't say anything about nothing being on the hip.
00:11:26Good old Andrews.
00:11:28Andrews is a perfect container.
00:11:31I mean, retainer.
00:11:34Bring some glasses, will you, Andrews?
00:11:35Yes, sir.
00:11:36Well, you said you'd give me a day's trial.
00:11:39How do you like my work?
00:11:41A little rough, but sincere.
00:11:43You consider yourself engaged.
00:11:47Thank you, ma'am.
00:11:49You're quite sure that this is fit for a lady?
00:11:51That'll fit anybody, sir.
00:11:53Say no more.
00:11:54Will you want me anymore this evening, sir?
00:11:58Not this evening.
00:12:00Thank you, sir.
00:12:06Loose moments.
00:12:12You know, Miss Minter, all great men must have their moments of relaxation.
00:12:17And the greater the man, the greater the moment.
00:12:20Are you suggesting anything?
00:12:21Anything.
00:12:28Do you like dancing?
00:12:29I love dancing.
00:12:31Is that so?
00:12:36Loose moments.
00:12:44Madelaine, my Madelaine, the skies are summer old.
00:13:14What have you got on tonight?
00:13:28Nothing I can't get out of.
00:13:30Why?
00:13:31You know, you and I and Jesse James were just made for each other.
00:13:37Oh, really?
00:13:38Yes.
00:13:39I wonder, I wonder, will you meet me tonight at ten?
00:13:41Ten?
00:13:42Where?
00:13:43At the hotel Astor.
00:13:44We'll have a little supper, we'll have a little dance, and...
00:13:46Oh, you have a pretty mouth.
00:13:48Oh, I like your moustache.
00:13:49Really?
00:13:50Well, shall we introduce them?
00:14:00Oh, mother.
00:14:01I see you have on your rubber heels again.
00:14:04Miss Minter just met with a serious accident.
00:14:07Yes, Minter.
00:14:08These things are very painful, but they must be endured.
00:14:12There.
00:14:13You feeling better?
00:14:14Yes.
00:14:15So am I.
00:14:16Miss Minter was just leaving.
00:14:17Yes, thank you.
00:14:18Will you need me tomorrow, Mr. Smith?
00:14:20At ten.
00:14:21Ten at the Astor.
00:14:22Was that Ritchie?
00:14:23Huh?
00:14:24Oh, I said ten o'clock.
00:14:26You said Astor.
00:14:27Did I?
00:14:28Yes, I asked her to come at ten.
00:14:30Well, I wish you good night.
00:14:35Richard, I want to talk to you about something of great importance.
00:14:38Oh, this is an outrage.
00:14:41The idea of leaving important letters like this laying around on my desk.
00:14:44Andrews!
00:14:45But what has happened?
00:14:46Oh, I told you.
00:14:47You know I told...
00:14:48Of course I...
00:14:49Now look, now it's happened.
00:14:50Where are you going?
00:14:51I'm going downtown on business.
00:14:52Andrews, my hat, my stick.
00:14:53Yes.
00:14:54You're nuts.
00:14:55I'm going downtown on business.
00:14:56Andrews, my hat, my stick.
00:14:57Yes.
00:14:58You're nuts.
00:14:59I'm going downtown on business.
00:15:00Andrews, my hat, my stick.
00:15:01Yes.
00:15:02You're nuts.
00:15:03I'm going downtown on business.
00:15:04Andrews, my hat, my stick.
00:15:05Yes.
00:15:06You're not going out of this house tonight.
00:15:07I have to, Mother.
00:15:08You don't understand.
00:15:09This is a matter of life or death.
00:15:10Andrews, if anybody telephones to me, you tell them that I've gone.
00:15:11He won't.
00:15:12You haven't gone.
00:15:13Mother, would you stoop to do a thing like that?
00:15:24I'd do anything to keep you from going out.
00:15:27You don't seem to understand.
00:15:28This is for Mrs. Roach, Mrs. Cochran Roach.
00:15:30I don't care what kind of a roach she is.
00:15:32I'm handling all her private affairs.
00:15:33Well, you can do it in the daytime, not at night.
00:15:35Her husband has threatened to shoot her.
00:15:36And if he does that, I'll probably lose my feet.
00:15:38And if you go, you'll probably lose your life.
00:15:41Let me see that note.
00:15:42Never.
00:15:43This is private.
00:15:44You mean it's an alibi.
00:15:46Andrews, take Mr. Smith's hat and stick.
00:15:51Now, Richard Smith, sit down.
00:15:55And you, listen to me.
00:16:01You know I'm fond of you.
00:16:03Well, anybody can see that, Mother.
00:16:05And you promised Madeline, as long as she was away,
00:16:08that you'd conduct your business here and never go out at night.
00:16:11A lawyer's life, Mother.
00:16:12You're the first one to regret it if you broke your promise to her.
00:16:15And a doctor's life.
00:16:16And you did it because you know how weak you are after 8 o'clock.
00:16:20The public demands that a certain...
00:16:21You wanted her to have a happy, contented holiday.
00:16:24I certainly did.
00:16:25Well, that's the reason you are not going out tonight.
00:16:28Oh, I'm not going out.
00:16:30Not as long as I'm here to prevent it.
00:16:32An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
00:16:35Well, in that case, Mother, you win.
00:16:37With a couple of pounds to spare.
00:16:39Richard.
00:16:42I dare say you'll think I'm a very foolish old woman.
00:16:46Oh, no, Mother, no, no, no.
00:16:47Not old.
00:16:48A little foolish, perhaps, but certainly not old.
00:16:52I bought you a little present today.
00:16:54You bought something?
00:16:55Uh-huh.
00:16:56For me?
00:16:57Well, the idea.
00:16:59Well, what was it?
00:17:00Yes.
00:17:01Well, is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?
00:17:03Just a little reminder.
00:17:05It'll make a wonderful companion piece to old Madeline.
00:17:09Baby Feet.
00:17:11Babies put steps on the stairs.
00:17:14Babies put steps on the stairs.
00:17:17I hear them now.
00:17:19Those little feet.
00:17:22Pitter patter, pitter patter on the stairs.
00:17:27Oh, Ma.
00:17:29Yes, Richard.
00:17:30That's my secret ambition.
00:17:32To hear the pitter patter of little feet.
00:17:35Oh, Ma.
00:17:36Oh, Richard.
00:17:39Richard, you are now independently successful,
00:17:41and there's no further need of economy.
00:17:44And now, Mother, don't flatter.
00:17:47Oh, Richard.
00:17:49I must hear the pitter patter of little feet.
00:17:52All right, Mother.
00:17:53I'll make a note of it.
00:17:57And tonight, I don't care what happens
00:17:59to Mrs. Cochran Roach.
00:18:01Andrews?
00:18:02Andrews?
00:18:04Oh, you see that, Mother?
00:18:05My voice is gone again.
00:18:06I've been talking altogether too much.
00:18:08Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:18:09Is there something I can do?
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No, just let me stay in here quietly and alone
00:18:13and rest all by myself.
00:18:14Andrews, my dressing gown.
00:18:16Yes, sir.
00:18:17Well, there, Mother.
00:18:18Doesn't that prove to you that I can be trusted?
00:18:20I do trust you, Richard.
00:18:21Yes.
00:18:22I do.
00:18:23Well, good night, Mother.
00:18:24And I'm going to look in on you every now and then
00:18:26to remind you of it.
00:18:27Yes.
00:18:28You look in, and I look out.
00:18:30Well, good night, Mother.
00:18:31Good night.
00:18:32Oh, and I have a surprise for you a little later on.
00:18:34Oh, that's splendid.
00:18:35Good night, Mother.
00:18:37Oh, I've good notions to tell you what it is.
00:18:39Well, you see, if you tell me, it won't be a surprise.
00:18:43Oh, you dear, ridiculous boy.
00:18:45Oh, I'm so glad you're in a good humor tonight.
00:18:48Oh, I'm so happy.
00:19:02Well, could you close your mouth long enough to tell me
00:19:05what you're waiting for?
00:19:06Yes, sir.
00:19:07I didn't want to tell you in front of Mrs. Mantle, sir,
00:19:10but there's a young lady waiting to see you.
00:19:12A young lady?
00:19:13Yes, sir.
00:19:14To see me?
00:19:15Yes, sir.
00:19:16What kind of young lady?
00:19:18Well, sir, I should say a very pleasant young lady.
00:19:21Blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'2", 106, and all around 34 with a...
00:19:29That'll do.
00:19:30If I want to know anything more about the young lady,
00:19:33I'll find it out for myself.
00:19:35What is all around 34?
00:19:37What's she want?
00:19:38A business, sir.
00:19:39She was sent by a mutual friend.
00:19:41You know as well as I do that it's long after business hour.
00:19:44Besides, my voice is gone again.
00:19:46I won't.
00:19:47I won't see anybody.
00:19:48I know, Mr. Smith, but I couldn't come any other time.
00:19:51Can't you see me?
00:19:58Why, who said I couldn't see you?
00:20:02That will do, Andrews.
00:20:04Yes, sir, I...
00:20:06I thought it would say.
00:20:12Pardon me, but haven't I seen you somewhere?
00:20:15Well, that depends.
00:20:16I may not have been there.
00:20:17Oh, yeah.
00:20:18Oh, I see that one.
00:20:21But I know your face.
00:20:22I'm sure that we must have met.
00:20:25Now, now, now, don't tell me.
00:20:26I'll get you in just a minute, yes.
00:20:28Won't you, won't you sit down?
00:20:31Yes.
00:20:33Oh, I'll get you, yes.
00:20:35I know your face.
00:20:38No.
00:20:39Oh, why, it's Miss O'Dea.
00:20:41Yes.
00:20:42Diane O'Dea, my favorite screen actress.
00:20:45Really, how nice.
00:20:46My, I feel that we should be very, very good friends.
00:20:48I've seen so much of you.
00:20:50What?
00:20:51Oh, I mean, I've seen you so often.
00:20:53Oh, I'm afraid you're making fun of me.
00:20:57Not at all, not at all.
00:20:59Diane O'Dea.
00:21:01Well, what can I do to you, for you, Miss O'Dea?
00:21:05Andrews, the man, he said something about a mutual friend.
00:21:08Yes, your new secretary, Kitty Minter, advised me to come and see you.
00:21:11Oh, you're a friend of Miss Minter's?
00:21:13Yes.
00:21:14Oh, well.
00:21:15And oh, Mr. Smith, I think you're a perfectly wonderful man.
00:21:20Really?
00:21:21Mm-hmm.
00:21:22I mean, in your business.
00:21:23Oh.
00:21:24Everyone's talking about the wonderful speech you made in the Randall murder case.
00:21:27Oh, they're talking about it, are they?
00:21:28Yes.
00:21:29Well, well.
00:21:30The one about lonely wives.
00:21:32Yes, it was very good.
00:21:34That came right from the heart.
00:21:36And that's why I came.
00:21:37Yes?
00:21:38Of course, of course, you're a murder lawyer, aren't you?
00:21:41Yes, I specialize in murders.
00:21:44You haven't murdered anybody, have you?
00:21:47Well, no, not yet.
00:21:49That is, I...
00:21:50Well, of course, I don't believe I could be very much assistance, you see, until after the crime was committed.
00:21:54Oh.
00:21:55I only thought, on account of your feeling for lonely wives...
00:21:59Yes?
00:22:00You might get me a divorce from my husband.
00:22:03A husband?
00:22:04Uh-huh.
00:22:05A husband?
00:22:06Yes.
00:22:07That's, uh, that's different.
00:22:12Well, as a matter of fact, Miss Odea, I thoroughly and strongly disapprove of divorce.
00:22:18My specialty is murders.
00:22:20Oh, but this would be such a little one.
00:22:22No.
00:22:23No?
00:22:24Just a nice, quiet, sweet little divorce.
00:22:27You do not realize that modern civilization is founded on, uh...
00:22:32Uh, the unity, the...
00:22:38Those eyes.
00:22:40I don't suppose you mean that.
00:22:42Mean what, Mr. Smith?
00:22:43Why, that, uh, that come and get me expression in them.
00:22:47Well, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:22:50Oh, what a pity.
00:22:53You know I can hardly believe that you're married.
00:22:56Well, I'm not very much.
00:22:58That's why I want the divorce.
00:23:00Your husband is giving you trouble?
00:23:02He's not giving me anything.
00:23:04He's an actor.
00:23:06A bad actor?
00:23:07Not exactly.
00:23:09He's really quite good on the stage.
00:23:11Oh, what an alibi to get out every night.
00:23:14Well, I don't mind Felix going out.
00:23:16The trouble is that he doesn't come in.
00:23:18You mean to say that he leaves you all alone all night, every night?
00:23:21Well, no, not every night.
00:23:23And I can't stand the uncertainty.
00:23:26I'd be so much happier if he'd always come home when he's through at the theater.
00:23:31Or if I could depend on his staying out.
00:23:37You poor little woman.
00:23:40I'll see what I can do.
00:23:42Oh.
00:23:43Do you like dancing?
00:23:44Oh, I love it.
00:23:45You love it?
00:23:54But, uh, wouldn't we be rather crowded dancing in here?
00:23:57Well, uh...
00:23:59Oh, that's not a bad idea.
00:24:01Why couldn't we adjourn to the whoopee club?
00:24:03Now?
00:24:04You know, you and I and Jesse James were just made for each other.
00:24:08Oh, I couldn't.
00:24:10My husband's terribly jealous.
00:24:12He is.
00:24:13And yet he leaves you alone and lonely?
00:24:16Oh, well, that's just like a man.
00:24:18Do you know, Miss O'Dea, your friend, uh, Miss Minter and I,
00:24:21we have a little extra business that we're going to transact.
00:24:23And we go into conference at the Astor at 10 o'clock.
00:24:26Why couldn't we all get together and have a little supper?
00:24:28But wouldn't you be embarrassed with two girls?
00:24:31Two?
00:24:32And me feeling positively oriental?
00:24:34Oh.
00:24:36But I came to you for a divorce, not a party.
00:24:38Well, of course, Miss O'Dea, if you cannot consider yourself a party of the first part.
00:24:42What is it, Andrews?
00:24:43The front door bell, sir.
00:24:44Well, see who it is.
00:24:45You might be interested to know, sir, that Mrs. Mantle is coming down the back stairs.
00:24:50Oh.
00:24:51She might not understand our business relations.
00:24:54Oh, well, I'll go.
00:24:55But, uh, that way, a little more difficult, but much safer.
00:24:58Oh.
00:25:04And you won't forget, 10 at the Astor, and we'll discuss your divorce case.
00:25:07You don't think I'll be doing wrong?
00:25:09Oh, time will tell.
00:25:11Time will tell.
00:25:12Just take a seat, sir.
00:25:14I'll tell him.
00:25:20A gentleman to see you, sir.
00:25:24The great zero.
00:25:26Meaning nothing.
00:25:27He said your secretary made an appointment, sir.
00:25:30Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:25:32Oh, by all means, have him come right in.
00:25:34Yes, sir.
00:25:35He might be a good excuse for my getting out.
00:25:38This way, sir.
00:25:48Oh.
00:25:49Hello, Mr. Smith.
00:25:51You understand, of course, that this is long after business hours.
00:25:54I can give you only five minutes.
00:25:57Mr. Smith, you are a very famous lawyer.
00:25:59Oh.
00:26:00Well, possibly 10 minutes.
00:26:02Would you sit down?
00:26:04I am a vaudeville impersonator, sir.
00:26:06I impersonate all the great men.
00:26:08Julius Caesar, William Jennings Bryan.
00:26:10Oh, all the dead ones.
00:26:11Oh, I do the live ones, too, sir.
00:26:13Yes, I know.
00:26:14I saw your act in the theater.
00:26:15You're really quite good.
00:26:16Oh, thank you.
00:26:18Your jury speeches, sir, have made you famous.
00:26:20I'm opening my new act at the palace next week,
00:26:22and I've picked you as the man of the moment.
00:26:24May I impersonate you?
00:26:27You impersonate me?
00:26:29Well, how could you?
00:26:31Oh, as a matter of fact, yes, I think you do look a little bit like me.
00:26:35Oh, but I flatter you there, of course.
00:26:37But, my dear sir...
00:26:38Oh, Mr. Smith, I could get your face in two minutes.
00:26:41You can do in two minutes what has taken me all my life to do?
00:26:44Uh-huh.
00:26:45May I show you?
00:26:46You'll have to.
00:26:49Oh.
00:26:50May I, uh...
00:26:51Would it make you nervous if I watched the operation?
00:26:53Two thousand people watch me every night.
00:26:56You have an inferiority complex, haven't you?
00:26:59Oh, very good.
00:27:00Make a few gestures.
00:27:01I'd like to study your tricks of expression, your mannerisms.
00:27:05Smile, please.
00:27:08Frown.
00:27:10Register grief.
00:27:12Grief?
00:27:13Well, how do you grieve?
00:27:16Splendor.
00:27:18Resignation.
00:27:21Anger.
00:27:23Very good.
00:27:24I feel like a perfect fool.
00:27:25Very good.
00:27:27You'll make this rather snappy, won't you?
00:27:29I have some very heavy thinking to do before ten o'clock.
00:27:33Have you a mother-in-law?
00:27:35No.
00:27:36My wife is an orphan.
00:27:37Oh, lucky boy.
00:27:38And not that I want to say anything against my mother-in-law.
00:27:41She's a very sweet old lady.
00:27:42And very, very fond of me.
00:27:43Only she works too hard at it.
00:27:45Oh, tries to run you out of your own home, I suppose.
00:27:47No.
00:27:48Tries to keep me in it.
00:27:49Tonight, for instance, I have a date at ten with a lady.
00:27:52With two ladies.
00:27:54Two ladies?
00:27:55What for?
00:27:56Well, I don't know just what for.
00:27:58Of course, I have an idea, but I don't know.
00:28:00One of them is married.
00:28:02Oh, her husband must be a sap.
00:28:08Oh, Mindy.
00:28:09Are you decent?
00:28:10No.
00:28:11Come in.
00:28:14Hello.
00:28:15Hi.
00:28:16Where have you been?
00:28:17Oh, say, did you go to see Smith?
00:28:19Hmm.
00:28:20I went, I saw, and I made a date to meet him tonight.
00:28:23Say, that guy must be blooming all over the place.
00:28:26He made a date with me for tonight, too.
00:28:28Yeah, I know all about it.
00:28:30That's why I agreed to go.
00:28:31Oh, yeah?
00:28:32Which one of us were you trying to protect?
00:28:34Mindy, that was the only way I could get him to take my case.
00:28:37Oh, that's all right, darling.
00:28:39And I'll give you every break in the world.
00:28:41I know.
00:28:42Say, you'd better go over to your apartment and get dressed, hadn't you?
00:28:45Oh, I only hope I get there before Felix does.
00:28:47Oh, why worry about zero?
00:28:49You're going to get a divorce from him, aren't you?
00:28:51Yeah, but I don't want him to divorce me.
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:55Bye.
00:28:56Bye.
00:29:01Pardon me, have you an extra pair of glasses?
00:29:03Well, I should have somewhere.
00:29:05No, come to think of it, I broke mine.
00:29:07Here, take these.
00:29:08Thanks.
00:29:14Well, how about it?
00:29:20Well, I'll...
00:29:22Why, I...
00:29:25Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
00:29:27Richard Smith?
00:29:29And Richard Smith.
00:29:30Uh-huh.
00:29:31Why, we could be the Smith brothers.
00:29:33Oh, boy, you could fool anybody.
00:29:35Why, of course I could.
00:29:36I bet I could fool your own mother.
00:29:37Yes.
00:29:38Fool my mother?
00:29:40My boy Heaven has sent you to me.
00:29:42You want my permission to give this impersonation of me in public?
00:29:45That's the reason I'm here.
00:29:46Well, you stay here tonight in my place,
00:29:48and if you can fool my mother-in-law and the servants until I get back,
00:29:52I'll give you that permission.
00:29:54It's a bet.
00:29:55You're on, and I'm off.
00:29:57You seem to have a frog in your throat.
00:29:59At least a dozen of them.
00:30:00Fine, I could use that.
00:30:01Good, I'll give them to you.
00:30:03This is my room.
00:30:06And this is my wife's room.
00:30:08Your wife?
00:30:09She isn't here, is she?
00:30:10Well, do you think I'd go away and leave you here if she were?
00:30:14She's in the mountains.
00:30:17Now, this is a dressing room and bath,
00:30:19connecting the two rooms.
00:30:21Oh, they connect.
00:30:23Sure, we speak.
00:30:26Where does Mother sleep?
00:30:28Mother?
00:30:30Where does Mother sleep?
00:30:32Mother.
00:30:33She never sleeps.
00:30:44Now, my mother-in-law may say something about having a surprise for you.
00:30:48Well, that's all right.
00:30:49I'll tell her to wait until morning.
00:30:53I beg your pardon.
00:30:54Did you ring, sir?
00:30:56No, no, Sonny, I did not.
00:31:00Then it must have been Mrs. Mantle.
00:31:03Has the gentleman gone, sir?
00:31:06Who?
00:31:07The gentleman.
00:31:08Oh, yes, yes.
00:31:10Yes, he's gone, yes.
00:31:11All right.
00:31:12And will you bring me a drink, please?
00:31:14Yes, sir.
00:31:15And tell my mother-in-law that my cold seems to be getting worse.
00:31:19And tell my mother-in-law that my cold seems to be so much worse
00:31:23that I'll probably be getting to bed early.
00:31:25Yes, sir, yes.
00:31:38Marvelous.
00:31:39Boy, you're a wonder.
00:31:41Say, if you can fool my mother-in-law,
00:31:43I'll pay you $500
00:31:45and I'll make you an offer to retain you regularly.
00:31:49Wait a minute.
00:31:50Wait a minute.
00:31:51I almost forgot.
00:31:52There you are.
00:31:53Every little bit helps.
00:31:55Oh, thanks.
00:31:56You don't miss a trick.
00:31:58You must have been out before.
00:31:59Now, are you all set?
00:32:00Well, not quite.
00:32:01I think you'd better turn down some of the lights.
00:32:05I don't want to take any chances with mother-in-law.
00:32:09There you are.
00:32:10Now, the house is yours.
00:32:12If you want me, you'll find me at the Hotel Astor.
00:32:14Bye-bye.
00:32:15Hey, hey, wait.
00:32:16What do you call your mother-in-law?
00:32:18Oh, everything.
00:32:20You'll be perfectly safe if you stick to mother.
00:32:22Well, I hear loose moments calling.
00:32:24Ta-ta.
00:32:46Richard.
00:32:57Me, me, me, me.
00:33:00Me, me.
00:33:09Richard.
00:33:10Richard.
00:33:16Oh, Richard. Oh, here you are.
00:33:19You know, I've got such a start.
00:33:21I thought I heard the front door slam.
00:33:23Yes. My caller just left.
00:33:25Oh. Well, now we can continue our little session.
00:33:28I'm sorry, Mother Nor, you'll have to excuse me. I'm very busy.
00:33:30Where are you going?
00:33:31Well, I'm going to bed.
00:33:33But you mustn't.
00:33:34I mustn't go to bed?
00:33:35Not before you get your little surprise.
00:33:37I'm sorry, Mother Nor, you'll have to keep it until the morning.
00:33:39Oh, Richard, you're so stupid.
00:33:41Madeline, your wife is home again.
00:33:45Oh, Richard.
00:33:49My wife?
00:33:58Well, he wasn't. Maybe he's in his room.
00:34:06He's trying to fool you.
00:34:10Dickie dear, aren't you surprised?
00:34:12Oh, I'm paralyzed.
00:34:15You can see how dumbfounded he is, dear, when he hasn't even kissed you yet.
00:34:19Yes. Where is that great big homecoming kiss you've been writing me to expect?
00:34:23The great big homecoming kiss?
00:34:24Mm-hmm.
00:34:25The one I was writing you about?
00:34:26Mm-hmm.
00:34:27Oh, well, I'm saving it until...
00:34:29Oh, shh, you silly, impulsive goon.
00:34:31No, I mean I'm saving it until my cold gets better.
00:34:34Your cold? Have you a cold, sweetheart?
00:34:36Oh, it's frightful.
00:34:37Oh.
00:34:38I wouldn't dare kiss you.
00:34:39Besides, if anyone saw us.
00:34:41Andrews, leave the room.
00:34:45Leave the room.
00:34:46No, don't anyone dare to leave this room.
00:34:48And I wouldn't cling so closely, dear.
00:34:50Oh, Dickie.
00:34:51No, really, in the condition I'm in, oh, it's dangerous.
00:34:54Fiddlesticks, I'm not afraid.
00:34:55Well, that's because you have no idea what's ahead of us.
00:34:57Ahead of us?
00:34:58Uh-huh.
00:34:59Has something gone wrong?
00:35:00Oh.
00:35:01Dickie, you're keeping something from me.
00:35:02Mother, turn up the lights and water, please.
00:35:03No, no, no.
00:35:04Don't dare to turn up those lights.
00:35:05Dickie, what is the matter?
00:35:06Well, because you, I mean, my eyes.
00:35:08Oh.
00:35:09They're all swollen with the cold.
00:35:10Fiddlesticks, get me a stimulant.
00:35:13Are you in serious trouble, dear?
00:35:15Oh, it's probably fatal.
00:35:16Oh, if I'd had any idea that you were coming home,
00:35:18I wouldn't have been here.
00:35:19What?
00:35:20No.
00:35:21I mean, in the condition I'm in.
00:35:22Oh, Dickie.
00:35:23Well, there's just one thing to be done.
00:35:26I've got to go.
00:35:27Go?
00:35:28Where?
00:35:29Out.
00:35:30Downtown.
00:35:31Downtown now?
00:35:32Tonight?
00:35:33Oh, I should have gone 10 minutes ago.
00:35:34Important engagement at the Hotel Aster.
00:35:36Well, if I know my precious husband the way I think I do,
00:35:38he'll telephone and cancel that engagement, won't you, Dickie?
00:35:40Telephone?
00:35:41Who?
00:35:42I mean, is there a telephone?
00:35:43Telephone, of course.
00:35:44Of course you can.
00:35:45Can I get the Aster on the wire?
00:35:46The Hotel Aster, on the telephone.
00:35:47Yes, please.
00:35:48Wait.
00:35:49What do you mean?
00:35:50Any telephoning be done around here?
00:35:51I'll do it myself.
00:35:52Well, well, maybe I'll wait.
00:35:54I'll wait until you get ready to go,
00:35:55until we both get ready.
00:35:56Well, maybe before that.
00:35:57Oh, I knew you would.
00:35:59You know, I'm simply dying to get comfortable
00:36:01in my own little bed again
00:36:02and have a nice, long talk with you, honey.
00:36:04Oh, and there's nothing I like better
00:36:05than to sit on the edge of the bed and listen to you.
00:36:07But, oh, how thoughtless of me.
00:36:09After your long trip, dear, you must be tired.
00:36:11Oh, I'm not a bit tired, really.
00:36:13Why, the two months in the mountains
00:36:14have done me a world of good.
00:36:16Do your telephoning, Richard.
00:36:19While Madeline gets out of her traveling clothes
00:36:20into something more comfortable.
00:36:21Yes, it won't take me but a moment.
00:36:23And, Dickie, I bought a new lace nightie yesterday
00:36:25that's positively indecent.
00:36:27Wait till you see it.
00:36:38Where are you going?
00:36:39Huh? Oh, I don't know.
00:36:40Oh, I was going down to see if the front door was locked.
00:36:42Now, you know Andrews always locks it.
00:36:44Oh, well, I thought tonight he might have forgotten it.
00:36:46Richard Smith, after all you promised Madeline,
00:36:49are you planning to desert her?
00:36:51Desert her?
00:36:52Why?
00:36:53What?
00:36:54Her first evening home in two months, and you...
00:36:58Richard, have you no human feelings at all?
00:37:03That's just the trouble.
00:37:04A lovely, devoted wife like Madeline.
00:37:07Surely she's entitled to some consideration.
00:37:10Well, he's a brother elk.
00:37:12What's that?
00:37:13What?
00:37:14Mother, you don't understand.
00:37:15You see, this sudden return, it's been an awful shock.
00:37:17An awful shock to my whole system.
00:37:18My throat, my voice.
00:37:19For a voice, all gone.
00:37:21She doesn't want you to sing to her.
00:37:24What she wants more than anything else in the world
00:37:26is a nice, long talk with you.
00:37:28I don't want to talk to you.
00:37:30She wants more than anything else in the world
00:37:32is a nice, long talk with you.
00:37:35Oh, if I could depend on that.
00:37:37Now, Richard, don't delay your telephoning another minute.
00:37:39What telephone?
00:37:40Oh, tele...
00:37:41Yeah, what was the number?
00:37:44Good night, Madeline, dear.
00:37:46So glad to have you home again.
00:37:48Good night, Mother.
00:37:49Pleasant dreams.
00:37:53Hello.
00:37:54Hotel Astor.
00:37:59Good night, Richard, dear.
00:38:00Huh?
00:38:01Yes.
00:38:02Good night.
00:38:07Hello, Hotel Astor?
00:38:08Will you get Mr. Richard Smith?
00:38:10Page Mr. Richard Smith, yes.
00:38:12Tell him to telephone his home immediately.
00:38:15Important.
00:38:16Oh, it's vital.
00:38:17Mr. Richard Smith.
00:38:34Tired, sweetheart?
00:38:35Tired?
00:38:36I never was so tired in all my...
00:38:44Please come out of that doorway, will you?
00:38:50Tell me, have you been a good boy since I've been away?
00:38:53Oh, I'm in more danger right now
00:38:55than I have been in the past two months.
00:38:57Please, please go away and let me die
00:38:59or go crazy or something.
00:39:01Go away?
00:39:02Dickie, you're not well.
00:39:03Don't you suppose I know it?
00:39:04Haven't I been telling you that for the past half hour
00:39:06in those very words?
00:39:08That telephone didn't ring, did it?
00:39:10No, dear.
00:39:11I'm afraid you've been doing too much brain work.
00:39:13That's it.
00:39:14It's my brain.
00:39:15It's on fire.
00:39:16It's fever.
00:39:17I can't think.
00:39:18You can't think?
00:39:19No.
00:39:20Yes.
00:39:21The only things I can think of
00:39:22are the things that I shouldn't.
00:39:23That wasn't the telephone bell then, was it?
00:39:25Dickie, you're trembling all over.
00:39:27Don't you suppose I know it?
00:39:28I'm liable to go to pieces any moment.
00:39:30The telephone isn't out of order, is it?
00:39:32Oh, bother the old phone.
00:39:33Thank goodness I've arrived in time
00:39:34to prevent another nervous breakdown
00:39:36like you had last year.
00:39:37That's it.
00:39:38Nervous combustion.
00:39:39I've been trying to keep it from you.
00:39:41Send for an ambulance, quick.
00:39:42Ambulance nothing.
00:39:43I'm going to take care of you myself.
00:39:45Now, come on.
00:39:46Now, the first thing to do is to put you to bed.
00:39:49That is the last thing.
00:39:53Now, don't argue, dear.
00:39:54Now, I'm going to give you a nice,
00:39:56old-fashioned alcohol rubdown.
00:39:58No, no, no, no, no.
00:39:59I couldn't stand it.
00:40:00Oh, come on.
00:40:01I don't like it.
00:40:02Now, come on.
00:40:03Madeline knows best.
00:40:04Now, put your head right down here.
00:40:06There.
00:40:07Put your little head right down there.
00:40:08No, no, no.
00:40:09I'm afraid.
00:40:10You're afraid?
00:40:11I'm afraid I might catch my cold.
00:40:12Oh, bother.
00:40:13You're all cold.
00:40:14Now, Madeline knows how to take care of her dicky bird.
00:40:16Come on.
00:40:17Put your little head right down there.
00:40:18Come on.
00:40:19My poor, nervous dicky boy.
00:40:22Now, before anything else, sweetheart,
00:40:25that great, big, homecoming kiss.
00:40:28Never.
00:40:29Oh, yes, dear.
00:40:30Never.
00:40:31Oh, now, come on.
00:40:32Now, come on, dear.
00:40:33Now, come on.
00:40:34Now, come on.
00:40:36There.
00:40:43Too late.
00:41:05Did you get your call?
00:41:29No.
00:41:30I guess my mother-in-law must have gone to bed.
00:41:31Oh, you're married, too?
00:41:33Very happily.
00:41:34That's the reason I so thoroughly disapprove of divorce,
00:41:36especially in this state.
00:41:38What do you mean?
00:41:39Well, you see, in order to procure a divorce in this state,
00:41:41you must have evidence.
00:41:43What kind of evidence?
00:41:45Well, evidence of a very serious nature.
00:41:48How serious?
00:41:50Well, you see, you must produce evidence that your husband
00:41:54has been, has been, that is to say,
00:41:58you must explain that you have discovered him.
00:42:01And not only him, but, uh...
00:42:07I don't know what you mean, Mr. Smith.
00:42:09You have to get the goods on him.
00:42:11In other words, you have to prove that he has, uh, uh...
00:42:16Where do you come from, Miss O'Dea?
00:42:19I came from South Dakota.
00:42:21Oh.
00:42:22I don't blame you.
00:42:27Well, out in South Dakota, don't they ever, uh,
00:42:29ever, uh...
00:42:31Ever what, Mr. Smith?
00:42:33No, there's no use of us going to South Dakota.
00:42:36We may just as well stay here.
00:42:40Did you ever see a bedroom farce?
00:42:42Oh, you mean the kind where the wrong man hides under the bed?
00:42:45Attagirlie, now we're getting wrong.
00:42:47Uh-huh.
00:42:48Only in this case, you see, the wrong man must not only be, uh...
00:42:52But, uh...
00:42:55But what, Mr. Smith?
00:42:57Oh, really, really.
00:42:58There's no use of our talking until we can find an interpreter.
00:43:01Or until we get to know each other better.
00:43:03Oh.
00:43:04Oh, here's your friend.
00:43:05Well!
00:43:06Well, here you are.
00:43:07I've been looking everywhere for you.
00:43:09Just in time.
00:43:10Won't you sit down?
00:43:11Oh, not in this morgue.
00:43:13Didn't you say something about the Whoopie Club?
00:43:15Diane's never been up on the roof there, have you, darling?
00:43:19Oh, my husband never takes me anyplace.
00:43:22Oh, you poor girl.
00:43:24Well, Mr. Smith is going to fix all that, aren't you?
00:43:27Fix the roof?
00:43:28Oh.
00:43:29Oh.
00:43:30What a man.
00:43:32Well, we'll start on the roof.
00:43:34And finish in the gutter.
00:43:35Oh, Mr. Smith.
00:43:49Andrews!
00:43:50Beg your pardon, ma'am.
00:43:51You're paralyzed.
00:43:52Not paralyzed.
00:43:53Not paralyzed.
00:43:54Can't you see me moving?
00:43:55Where are you going?
00:43:56Give this to the tailor.
00:43:57He's waiting.
00:43:58Oh.
00:44:12Good morning, dear.
00:44:13I hope I'm not disturbing you.
00:44:15Not at all, mother.
00:44:16Oh, I'm just dying to have a little talk with you.
00:44:19How did Dickie like his little surprise?
00:44:22Oh, mother, if you only knew.
00:44:26Oh, then you really have something to tell me.
00:44:29I'll tell the world I have.
00:44:30Oh, never mind the world.
00:44:31Tell me.
00:44:33Was Dickie glad to have you home again?
00:44:35Glad?
00:44:36He was beside himself.
00:44:38Oh, mother, this is going to be the turning point in Dickie's married life.
00:44:41Oh, lovely.
00:44:42Wait till I tell you everything.
00:44:44Oh, I'm so happy.
00:44:46I'm just going to congratulate Dickie.
00:44:48No, I wouldn't do that.
00:44:49Don't disturb him.
00:44:51He's napping.
00:44:52Shall I have your breakfast served to you in the room?
00:44:54No.
00:44:55I'm going for a walk before breakfast this morning.
00:44:58I feel as if the world is mine.
00:45:01At last I have what I've been hoping for.
00:45:04You have?
00:45:05What is it?
00:45:06A hold on my husband that he'll never be able to break.
00:45:09Oh, darling.
00:45:12Mr. Potter.
00:45:14Mr. Potter.
00:45:17Mr. Potter.
00:45:19Mr. Potter.
00:45:29The very idea at this time of the morning.
00:45:31Dumb.
00:45:33When Mr. Smith wakens, he'll attend to you, my man.
00:45:36My man, indeed.
00:45:39I'm nobody's man but my own.
00:45:45Good morning, Mr. Smith.
00:45:47What's good about it?
00:45:49Didn't you sleep well, sir?
00:45:51I?
00:45:52I didn't sleep one wink the whole night long.
00:45:54Who the devil locked my door?
00:45:55It wasn't the devil, sir.
00:45:57It was Mrs. Mantle.
00:45:58Oh.
00:45:59What time is it?
00:46:00Nine o'clock.
00:46:01Oh, I've got to get out of here.
00:46:04Where's my coat?
00:46:05I just gave it to the tailor, sir.
00:46:07He brought back your other dressing gown.
00:46:09A dressing gown won't help me.
00:46:10I want my coat.
00:46:12You don't seem to be yourself this morning, sir.
00:46:14I'm not.
00:46:15Perhaps you need something to eat.
00:46:17Won't you have your breakfast now, sir?
00:46:19Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:46:21Anything to keep you quiet.
00:46:22Where's the dining room?
00:46:26What, sir?
00:46:27I said where is it?
00:46:28In the dining room?
00:46:30Yes, sir.
00:46:31Breakfast in the dining room.
00:46:33It's not being served in the cold cellar.
00:46:35Well, I don't want to go in the dining room.
00:46:36I want you to get me a cup of coffee and some cracked ice and some white rock.
00:46:40And don't stand there gaping at me like that.
00:46:42Put that thing down.
00:46:43Hurry.
00:46:44Yes, sir.
00:46:45Yes, sir.
00:46:46Yes, sir.
00:46:47Wait.
00:46:48Yes, sir.
00:46:49Don't rush out on me like that before I finish talking to you.
00:46:52Where is Mrs. Smith and Mrs., uh, the other one, my mother-in-law?
00:46:57You mean Mrs. Mantle?
00:46:59Yes.
00:47:00She's gone upstairs.
00:47:02Oh.
00:47:03And if you please, sir.
00:47:04No, I don't please.
00:47:05You get my coffee and my coat.
00:47:07Yes, yes.
00:47:08Wait.
00:47:10Yes, sir.
00:47:11Where can I find a comb and brush?
00:47:15Have you looked where you always keep them, sir?
00:47:18Have I looked where I always keep them?
00:47:20Where do I always keep them?
00:47:22I'll see if you have intelligence enough to answer me that.
00:47:24Why, sir, in the cabinet, in the dressing room, of course.
00:47:29Of course.
00:47:30Why didn't you say so in the first place?
00:47:31Yes.
00:47:37He must have had a terrible night.
00:47:39Terrible.
00:48:00Terrible.
00:48:30Safe in my home port, the safest port of all.
00:49:00Hey, lady.
00:49:03Will you pick out some place and land?
00:49:06Will you please make up your mind?
00:49:12Oh, that's all right.
00:49:13That's all right.
00:49:14Just keep driving around.
00:49:17Where are we?
00:49:19Hey, that ain't the question.
00:49:21For hours I've been driving you around.
00:49:23Say, what's the matter?
00:49:24Ain't you got no home?
00:49:25Oh.
00:49:28I can't go home.
00:49:30My husband will know I've been out all night.
00:49:34Oh.
00:49:35Hey, look.
00:49:36Maybe I better drive you to the police station.
00:49:38No.
00:49:40I don't know anybody there.
00:49:43Um, let's see.
00:49:45Take me to Mr. Smith.
00:49:48Oh.
00:49:49Mr. Smith, huh?
00:49:51Uh-huh.
00:49:52Yeah.
00:49:53Any particular one?
00:49:55Mr. Richard Smith.
00:49:57My lawyer.
00:50:00And where does he live?
00:50:021405 Park Avenue.
00:50:051405 Park.
00:50:07Yeah.
00:50:0814.
00:50:09No.
00:50:10141540.
00:50:151054.
00:50:18Either that or 4501.
00:50:21Hey, lady.
00:50:22Will you make up your mind?
00:50:24Will you please make up your mind?
00:50:26Please?
00:50:41Why, Andrews.
00:50:43That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me.
00:50:45You've guessed exactly what I needed.
00:50:47Yes.
00:50:48I didn't guess it, sir.
00:50:50You told me to bring it in a most impatient tone.
00:50:54In a what?
00:50:55In a most impatient tone.
00:50:57Well, then it must have been mental telepathy.
00:50:59You know, the effect of mind over matter.
00:51:01Or else, you've been dreaming.
00:51:03Yes, sir.
00:51:04I'm beginning to think so, sir.
00:51:08Did, uh, didn't you find your Coleman brush?
00:51:12What Coleman brush?
00:51:13Why, the one you were looking for.
00:51:16Why, don't you suppose I know where to find my own Coleman brush?
00:51:19Andrews?
00:51:21You're drunk.
00:51:22Yes, sir.
00:51:24A little drunker than I thought, sir.
00:51:26And you dare to admit it.
00:51:28You dare to stand there staggering at me at 9 o'clock in the morning.
00:51:32Well, sir, you see, I've been having a little trouble.
00:51:36You've been having a little liquid lightning.
00:51:38Only one flash.
00:51:40I mean nip, sir.
00:51:41Well, quit nipping.
00:51:42Do you think you're strong enough to get me some more of this white fox?
00:51:45Yes, sir.
00:51:47Though I wish you'd have your breakfast, sir.
00:51:50I don't see why you don't want to go in the dining room.
00:51:54Such a nice dining room.
00:51:57Who said I didn't want to go into the dining room?
00:51:59Of course it's a nice dining room.
00:52:00It's my dining room.
00:52:01I'd like to see anybody try to keep me out of it.
00:52:06I'm glad to hear you say that, sir.
00:52:09You do know where it is, don't you?
00:52:11Why, certainly.
00:52:12If nobody's moved it.
00:52:17That's who that is.
00:52:18Yes, yes.
00:52:23He must have had a worse night than I expected.
00:52:27Much worse.
00:52:43Excuse me, sir, but it's...
00:52:45I don't care who it is.
00:52:46Who the devil drank my coffee?
00:52:52Why, you did, sir.
00:52:53Before you went in the dining room.
00:52:55I wanted to comb my hair.
00:52:57But you didn't comb your hair.
00:52:58I didn't, didn't I?
00:53:00Are you losing your mind?
00:53:03Yes, sir.
00:53:04I'm beginning to think so, sir.
00:53:06Well, you snap out of it and get me some more coffee.
00:53:09Yes, sir.
00:53:10I was just going to, sir.
00:53:12When you told me to answer the front doorbell.
00:53:15I told you to answer the...
00:53:17Well, you're hearing things as well as seeing them.
00:53:20Well, I did hear the front doorbell, sir.
00:53:23Because there's proof of that.
00:53:25I opened it for two young ladies who wanted to see you.
00:53:28Two young ladies?
00:53:29Yes, sir.
00:53:30They're dressed just alike.
00:53:32They must be twins.
00:53:34Well, I haven't any twins.
00:53:36You tell them to come back late this afternoon.
00:53:38He ought to be here by then.
00:53:39He?
00:53:40He?
00:53:41He?
00:53:42Who?
00:53:43Oh, he.
00:53:44When I say he, I always mean I.
00:53:46Haven't you noticed that?
00:53:49Not yet, sir.
00:53:50Well, you keep it in mind and bring that coffee to my room.
00:53:52And some white rock.
00:53:54Yes, sir.
00:53:56Nobody knows what a night he must have had.
00:54:00Nobody.
00:54:05Andrews, don't move so fast.
00:54:07You know, you'll break the speed limit.
00:54:09Oh, oh, sir.
00:54:11You, you've come back.
00:54:14You, you do want me to go to the front door
00:54:17before I bring your white rock and coffee, don't you?
00:54:20I don't want any more coffee, stupid.
00:54:23I told you to answer that front door five minutes ago.
00:54:26What have you been doing, walking backwards?
00:54:29Yes, sir.
00:54:30Perhaps I have without, without knowing it.
00:54:33You know, you've got to cut out this early morning drinking.
00:54:36Yes, I will, sir.
00:54:38Indeed, I will.
00:54:39You'd better.
00:54:41I'll try and pull myself together, sir.
00:54:44And I'll tell the young ladies to call back later.
00:54:47What young ladies?
00:54:50The twins, sir.
00:54:52You said you couldn't see them.
00:54:54Andrews, this is getting serious.
00:54:57You never said one word to me about twins.
00:55:03Didn't I?
00:55:05You certainly did not.
00:55:07Where are these ladies?
00:55:12In the reception room, sir.
00:55:19The, the twins, sir.
00:55:22Oh, hello, Dickie Bird.
00:55:25Oh, oh, I'm so glad I found you.
00:55:30You are?
00:55:31Well, I'm glad somebody's glad.
00:55:33Where's the rest of you?
00:55:34Andrews said you were twins.
00:55:35There were two of her, sir.
00:55:37I swear there were two of her.
00:55:39Oh, that's nothing.
00:55:40I've been seeing four.
00:55:42Four taxi cabs, four front doors, four funny old butlers,
00:55:48and four cute little Dickie Birds.
00:55:51Please, please, please, please.
00:55:54Don't go, Andrews.
00:55:55Wait.
00:55:56What do you mean by coming here, Miss O'Day?
00:55:59When you told me last night that you had to go home alone,
00:56:01didn't I put you in a taxi cab?
00:56:02Didn't I give the taxi cab driver your address?
00:56:04Didn't I?
00:56:05Well, yes, but the nasty old taxi cab fell apart,
00:56:10and it took him ages and ages to get it together again.
00:56:14And anyway, I have no money, so I made him bring me here.
00:56:19He's waiting outside.
00:56:21Oh, money.
00:56:22Oh, I saw you.
00:56:23Oh, well, that's simple.
00:56:25Oh, by Jove, I haven't a cent left myself.
00:56:27Andrews, I haven't a cent.
00:56:29That's one thing I'm sure of.
00:56:31Well, you go out in the kitchen and borrow some from the cook.
00:56:33She ought to have some.
00:56:34She was paid yesterday.
00:56:35Yes.
00:56:36I hope you know where that kitchen is.
00:56:37Yes, sir.
00:56:38Well, hurray.
00:56:40Yes, sir.
00:56:41Oh, Dickie, I'm so relieved.
00:56:43Whee!
00:56:44Diane, please.
00:56:45Oh, I want to play.
00:56:46No, you chase me.
00:56:47Please, be quiet.
00:56:48Oh, I'm too happy to be quiet.
00:56:50You come down here.
00:56:51No, I want to.
00:56:52Come down here.
00:56:53You come right down here.
00:56:55I want to.
00:56:56Come down this minute.
00:56:57No.
00:56:58Come.
00:56:59All right.
00:57:00Whee!
00:57:02Whoopee!
00:57:05What is this, please?
00:57:06A hangover or a fresh start?
00:57:08Oh, Dickie Bird, don't be harsh with me.
00:57:11Anybody think you're my husband?
00:57:13I am always harsh in the morning.
00:57:15My loose moments end with breakfast.
00:57:17Anything that you have to say to me today will come under the head of new business.
00:57:20Well, I don't want any new business.
00:57:22Old was good enough for me.
00:57:26If you please, sir, the cook hasn't a nickel.
00:57:29Nobody hasn't a nickel.
00:57:31I don't want a nickel.
00:57:32What good is a nickel?
00:57:33Oh, here.
00:57:34You go outside.
00:57:35Go outside and find out exactly how much the taxi cab bill is.
00:57:38Hurry.
00:57:39Hurry.
00:57:40Oh, what am I going to do?
00:57:43Musette.
00:57:44Oui, monsieur.
00:57:45Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?
00:57:46Would you like to earn $20?
00:57:47Oui, monsieur.
00:57:48Will you get this young lady up to the guest room quickly?
00:57:49Oui, monsieur.
00:57:50Don't let anybody see her.
00:57:51No, monsieur.
00:57:52She came to see me on business.
00:57:53But Mrs. Mantel might not understand.
00:57:55No, monsieur, but I understand.
00:57:56Come, madame.
00:57:57We go upstairs.
00:57:58No, no.
00:57:59I don't want to go.
00:58:00Upstairs.
00:58:01I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:02Upstairs or I spank.
00:58:03There you go reminding me of my husband again.
00:58:07Oh, poor Felix.
00:58:09What would he think if he could see me now?
00:58:12Oh, madame.
00:58:13We go.
00:58:14Come on.
00:58:15I don't want to go upstairs.
00:58:17That's all right.
00:58:18That's all right.
00:58:19Listen, the bill is $50, and I'm going to get it,
00:58:22or I'm going to take it out of somebody's hide.
00:58:24Understand?
00:58:25Yeah, yeah.
00:58:26You'll get your hide.
00:58:28I mean your money.
00:58:31Here, madame.
00:58:32You will be safe here.
00:58:36Oh, no, madame.
00:58:38Madame, come here.
00:58:39I will get your negligee, huh?
00:58:42The bill is 50 hides, sir.
00:58:45I mean dollars.
00:58:46Well, see if you can pry it out of Mrs. Mantel, will you?
00:58:49Wouldn't it be better if I went to the bank, sir?
00:58:52That's a good idea.
00:58:53Go ahead.
00:58:54Yeah.
00:58:55You go to the bank.
00:58:56Yes, sir.
00:58:57Go to the bank, will you?
00:58:58Something got spilled on my coat last night.
00:59:00Drop in and leave it at the tailor's for me, will you?
00:59:05Your coat?
00:59:07Yes, my coat.
00:59:09What's the matter with it?
00:59:10It won't bite you?
00:59:12But I gave it to the tailor about half hour ago, sir.
00:59:19You gave him my coat?
00:59:21Yes, sir.
00:59:23I gave him your coat.
00:59:27I'm afraid I'm going mad.
00:59:29Come, come, come.
00:59:30Pull yourself together, old man.
00:59:32I can't, sir.
00:59:34I seem to have lost all control.
00:59:37I'm beginning to see them.
00:59:39There.
00:59:40There.
00:59:42I'm afraid they'll get me.
00:59:44I've got to go somewhere.
00:59:46I've got to do something.
00:59:48I can't stand it.
00:59:50I can't stand it.
00:59:52I can't stand it.
00:59:55Let me out.
00:59:56Let me out of here.
01:00:06Kitty Minner.
01:00:07Diane.
01:00:15Well, I can't go home to Felix in a dress like this this
01:00:18early in the morning, can I?
01:00:20No.
01:00:21Say, you go home and get me a dress.
01:00:24All right, all right.
01:00:25I'll be back in a jiffy.
01:00:26Fine.
01:00:30Richard.
01:00:32Oh, hello, mother.
01:00:33How are you?
01:00:34I'm perfectly well.
01:00:35Well, that's swell.
01:00:38Well, see?
01:00:39Just getting ready to go to work.
01:00:41Work?
01:00:42Oh, I never dreamed you wanted to go to work this morning
01:00:44after what happened last night.
01:00:46Why, what do you know about last night?
01:00:48Oh, not very much.
01:00:49But I can guess, can't I?
01:00:50Oh, yes, yes.
01:00:51You can guess.
01:00:53You're some little guesser.
01:00:54Richard, I'm afraid you're going to be angry with me.
01:00:57But I meant it all for the best.
01:01:00You meant what for the best?
01:01:01When I locked you in last night.
01:01:03You locked me in?
01:01:04Well, you were acting a bit strangely.
01:01:07And you seemed nervous and excited.
01:01:09So I decided to give you a dose of prevention.
01:01:12So after you went to bed, I locked all the doors
01:01:15and took the keys upstairs with me.
01:01:18You locked all the doors after I went to bed?
01:01:21Oh, well, then I couldn't have gotten out.
01:01:23I couldn't have gotten out even if I wanted to.
01:01:25Of course you couldn't, Richard.
01:01:27And I was in there all night.
01:01:32Are you ill again?
01:01:33No, Mother.
01:01:34No, I'm better.
01:01:35Oh, I'm much better.
01:01:37Oh, what a joke.
01:01:38Locked in cold storage all night.
01:01:40Mother, you are simply priceless.
01:01:43Who were you waving at?
01:01:44Nothing, Mother.
01:01:45Nothing.
01:01:46Nothing.
01:01:47In fact, less than nothing.
01:01:48I was simply waving at myself.
01:01:50You're absurd, Richard.
01:01:51I am, Mother.
01:01:52I'm more than absurd.
01:01:53I'm positively hilarious.
01:01:56Oh, now.
01:01:57Now I understand what was the matter with poor old Andrews.
01:02:00Oh, he must have been seeing things with a vengeance.
01:02:03Well, Andrews' condition is no laughing matter.
01:02:05I can't help it, Mother.
01:02:07I can't help it.
01:02:08You'd laugh too if you knew what I knew.
01:02:10No, no, no.
01:02:11No, you wouldn't.
01:02:12Why not?
01:02:13Don't you think I can appreciate a joke?
01:02:15Go on.
01:02:16Tell me.
01:02:17No, it's a secret.
01:02:18I told you it would be no joke.
01:02:20Oh, now, don't tantalize me, Richard.
01:02:23Is it about you?
01:02:24Uh, rather.
01:02:26And is there someone else?
01:02:29Oh, decidedly someone else.
01:02:32And then is there another someone mixed up in it too?
01:02:35No, no, not exactly.
01:02:37Well, well, not yet anyway.
01:02:39Not yet?
01:02:40Oh, Richard, I knew it.
01:02:43The secret is about you.
01:02:45Yeah.
01:02:46And someone else.
01:02:47And is there another someone mixed up in it a little later on?
01:02:53You dear boy, it's the secret that Madeline mentioned.
01:02:58Oh, you've had a letter from Madeline.
01:03:00Have I had a letter?
01:03:02Oh, you dear, ridiculous fellow.
01:03:05I don't blame you for being hilarious.
01:03:08I'm a bit hilarious myself.
01:03:18It's in my head.
01:03:20Mother?
01:03:21What is it you think you know?
01:03:23I don't think any longer, I'm sure.
01:03:28Pitter patter, pitter patter.
01:03:30Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter.
01:03:34Oh, footsteps on stairs.
01:03:37Footsteps on stairs.
01:03:39I hear them now, they're calling me.
01:03:41Footsteps on the stairs.
01:03:44If you're doing that for me, you can stop.
01:03:48I want my coat.
01:03:50Oh, Richard.
01:03:54Oh, how can you think of coats at a time like this?
01:03:58Baby coaties, perhaps, and little booties.
01:04:03Pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter.
01:04:10Has she gone crazy too?
01:04:12There's something the matter with her.
01:04:14Give her some air.
01:04:15Give her some air.
01:04:17Will I take her out to it, or bring it in to her?
01:04:21Don't talk like a fool.
01:04:23Get her something to bring her back to herself.
01:04:25Yes, sir.
01:04:26And now you're talking, sir.
01:04:30Ah, you must have a good rest last night?
01:04:33Rest?
01:04:34Say, I'm tired.
01:04:37Rest?
01:04:38Say, I'll never rest again until I get even with that, that...
01:04:51Say, how would you like to pick up $50?
01:04:55Oh, monsieur.
01:04:56All I want you to do is to kiss me the next time you see me and Mrs. Mantel alone together.
01:05:03And for what, kiss you when Madame Mantel sees?
01:05:06Well, it's a practical joke, you see.
01:05:08To get even with somebody for laughing at me.
01:05:11Oh.
01:05:12And will Madame Mantel laugh?
01:05:14Will she laugh?
01:05:15Say, I'll laugh myself.
01:05:17Oh, well.
01:05:19For $50.
01:05:21Uh-huh.
01:05:22But suppose I lose my position?
01:05:24Oh, don't worry.
01:05:25You lose this one, I'll get you a better one.
01:05:27Now, is it a go?
01:05:28Oh, no, monsieur.
01:05:30It is a kiss.
01:05:31The next time I see you with Madame Mantel.
01:05:34Uh-huh.
01:05:35Oh, what could I...
01:05:48Oh, excuse me, sir.
01:05:50But I forgot to give you the money.
01:05:52Money?
01:05:53What money?
01:05:55Why, the money you told me to get for the young lady upstairs.
01:06:00Don't you remember, sir?
01:06:02Oh, take it.
01:06:03Take it.
01:06:04Don't say that I haven't been to the bank, sir.
01:06:06Don't tell me it isn't real money.
01:06:08I can't stand any more of it.
01:06:10All right, all right, all right.
01:06:12It'll relieve your mind.
01:06:13I'll take it.
01:06:14I've earned it.
01:06:15What'll I do with this, sir?
01:06:17Drink it yourself.
01:06:35Give me that money.
01:06:36Not on your life.
01:06:37What do you mean by staying out all night?
01:06:39Shut up.
01:06:40You talk like a mother-in-law.
01:06:41You realize that I was locked up in that room all night long?
01:06:43Well, I'm sorry Mrs. Mantel locked you up, but...
01:06:46Well, what's so funny about that?
01:06:48Why, don't you think it's funny?
01:06:49Funny?
01:06:50Say, what kind of a man are you?
01:06:51Locked up all alone?
01:06:53You don't know.
01:06:54You don't know.
01:06:55Oh, I know you've given me a marvelous joke on my mother-in-law.
01:06:58I can't tell her about it, but I'll laugh every time I think of it.
01:07:02Thanks again.
01:07:03You can go now.
01:07:04Not yet.
01:07:06Huh?
01:07:07What's that?
01:07:08I'm not going to leave this house until I get my big laugh.
01:07:11It'll cost me $50, and I want to be here to enjoy it.
01:07:14Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:07:16Hey, wait a minute.
01:07:17Wait a minute.
01:07:18What are you talking about?
01:07:19Woo-hoo.
01:07:20Woo-hoo.
01:07:22Richard.
01:07:25Mother, why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?
01:07:27A good, long nap.
01:07:29You ought to be laid out somewhere.
01:07:31Laid out?
01:07:32Ah, monsieur.
01:07:33The time has come, no?
01:07:36Oh, my word.
01:07:37Stop this.
01:07:38Stop it.
01:07:39Stop it.
01:07:40Stop it.
01:07:41What do you think I am, a lollipop?
01:07:43Shameless creature.
01:07:45Who ordered this?
01:07:46What's the matter?
01:07:47What is the joke?
01:07:48Why she do not laugh?
01:07:50Why she do not laugh?
01:07:51You can figure that out while you're packing your trunk.
01:07:54Oh, I knew she was French, but I made allowances for that.
01:07:57Why kiss Mr. Smith under my very nose?
01:07:59Pardon me, mother.
01:08:00Under my very nose.
01:08:01You told me to.
01:08:02I?
01:08:03I never did.
01:08:04Yes, you lie.
01:08:05You promised me $50.
01:08:06$50?
01:08:07What are you talking about?
01:08:08$50 is too much for any woman.
01:08:10What is this, a badger game?
01:08:11You don't stay in this house another minute.
01:08:13No?
01:08:14Then you have to give me another job.
01:08:16You promised.
01:08:17I promised?
01:08:18I never promised.
01:08:19I never.
01:08:20Oh.
01:08:21I have a very good idea who did.
01:08:24You go on.
01:08:25You get out of here.
01:08:26You go on.
01:08:27You get out of here.
01:08:28Get out.
01:08:35I resent that.
01:08:37Richard, what did she say then?
01:08:39Oh, she sent you her best regards.
01:08:42Richard Smith?
01:08:43Yes?
01:08:44Are you quite sure you didn't ask her to kiss you?
01:08:46Oh, mother, I don't have to ask to be kissed.
01:08:48What?
01:08:49I have my own dear sweet little wife, yes.
01:08:53Oh, and she'd understand if she were home.
01:08:55Well, you can tell her when she comes in.
01:08:57What?
01:08:58She'll be home in a minute.
01:08:59Home?
01:09:00I don't believe it.
01:09:01Well, you just wait here and see.
01:09:07Come on.
01:09:08You've got to get out.
01:09:09My wife is coming.
01:09:10Wait a minute.
01:09:11In a minute.
01:09:12In a minute, it'll be too late.
01:09:13Now, don't get excited, mother.
01:09:14Just leave everything to me.
01:09:16Wait, wait, wait.
01:09:17I can't go out in the street with this.
01:09:18Well, I go out with mine every day.
01:09:20But if you're so fussy, there, outside.
01:09:25Dicky.
01:09:26Huh?
01:09:27Oh, darling.
01:09:29You have come home.
01:09:31Well, well, well.
01:09:33Dicky boy.
01:09:35Didn't you expect me?
01:09:36No.
01:09:37Yes, of course, of course.
01:09:38But not so soon.
01:09:39Oh, if you only had any idea of how lonely I've been.
01:09:42Oh, Dicky.
01:09:45Oh, Dicky.
01:09:46What?
01:09:47Is this gentleman a friend of yours?
01:09:48Why, no.
01:09:49He's no gentleman.
01:09:50He's no friend.
01:09:51It's Mr. Zero.
01:09:52Mr. Zero, yes.
01:09:53My wife, Mrs. Smith.
01:09:54And Mrs. Mantle, my wife's mother.
01:09:57I'm delighted.
01:09:58Mr. Zero is the famous Vaudeville artist.
01:10:01Oh, I've heard of you.
01:10:03Oh, thank you.
01:10:04He has done me the honor to want to add me
01:10:06to his list of impersonations.
01:10:08Oh, no doubt.
01:10:09He does it to perfection.
01:10:10Oh, how wonderful.
01:10:12Breakfast is ready.
01:10:13If you want it, come and get it.
01:10:16Oh, won't you have breakfast with us?
01:10:18Why, delighted, if I'm not intruding.
01:10:20Oh, no.
01:10:21My husband's friends are my friends.
01:10:23Oh, yes, indeed.
01:10:24But at a time like this, I understand you've
01:10:26just returned home from a vacation.
01:10:28Oh, that's perfectly all right.
01:10:33You've no idea, dear, how glad I am to see you.
01:10:36Why didn't you let me know you were coming?
01:10:38I wanted to surprise you.
01:10:39You did?
01:10:40Oh, I shall never forget the look on your face
01:10:43when I walked in last night.
01:10:50Last night?
01:10:53Come, Mr. Zero.
01:11:01Coming, darling?
01:11:03Last night.
01:11:07Dickie, darling.
01:11:08Dickie, what's wrong?
01:11:10Why, what happened?
01:11:12Dickie.
01:11:13Come on, dear.
01:11:14What is it?
01:11:15Oh, my poor darling, you're ruined.
01:11:17I mean, I'm ruined.
01:11:18I mean, our home is ruined.
01:11:19Why, my poor Richard.
01:11:21And you sing so well this morning when you first woke up.
01:11:24Oh, hold me.
01:11:25I'm going to faint again.
01:11:26I know I'm going to faint.
01:11:27Oh, now, now, sweetheart.
01:11:28Now, oh, but you need another old-fashioned rubdown
01:11:31like I gave you last night.
01:11:33Oh, I want to die.
01:11:34I want to die.
01:11:35Now, Dickie.
01:11:36Dickie, control yourself.
01:11:38Let me help you to the couch.
01:11:39No, no.
01:11:40I'll be right here.
01:11:41Oh, now, come on, dear.
01:11:42Come on.
01:11:43Oh, Miss, you're a darling.
01:11:44Now, you hurry and get into this, and let's get out of here.
01:11:46Oh, here, you can have this, sweetheart.
01:11:49I never want to see it again.
01:11:51Oh, merci beaucoup, madame.
01:11:52No.
01:11:53Now, come on.
01:11:54No.
01:11:55Come on, like a good boy.
01:11:56There.
01:11:57Now, everything's all right.
01:11:58All right.
01:11:59Oh, my poor Madeline.
01:12:01No, you're happy, Madeline, dear.
01:12:03Now, tell me just what's troubling you, darling.
01:12:07Oh, you don't know what you're asking.
01:12:09Is it so serious?
01:12:10You know, I could see last night, the moment I saw you,
01:12:13that you weren't yourself.
01:12:15You, you, you could see that?
01:12:17Yes, you were different.
01:12:18Oh, awfully nice, darling.
01:12:19Oh, awfully, awfully nice.
01:12:21But different.
01:12:22Well, uh, how, how different?
01:12:24Well, I've always known you were impulsive.
01:12:27But last night, oh, and in spite of your cold, the way you kissed me.
01:12:33Oh.
01:12:34You feel so badly, sweetheart?
01:12:35Oh, just dying, that's all.
01:12:37Just dying.
01:12:38Oh, my poor, nervous, dicky boy.
01:12:41Perhaps I kept you awake too late.
01:12:43Oh.
01:12:44But then I had so much to tell you.
01:12:46Yes, yes.
01:12:47I suppose you did.
01:12:48You suppose.
01:12:49Don't you remember?
01:12:50No.
01:12:51Oh, the joy of having you back, dear.
01:12:54Just a little bit hazy, that's all.
01:12:56Oh, maybe I put too much whiskey in your hot drink.
01:12:59Did you give me a hot drink last night?
01:13:01Of course, darling.
01:13:02After I had you all comfortable and safely covered up.
01:13:05Covered up?
01:13:06Oh, I'm just losing my mind, that's all.
01:13:09Madeline, go ahead.
01:13:12Tell me, tell me what happened.
01:13:14What, what, what did I do?
01:13:16Oh, Dickie, what didn't you do?
01:13:18Oh.
01:13:19You know, I never realized before that you were so versatile.
01:13:23Versatile?
01:13:24Yes, those imitations you gave.
01:13:26Imitations of what?
01:13:28Of all sorts of things.
01:13:29And the jokes you played.
01:13:31Why, Dickie, you are positively skittish.
01:13:33Skittish?
01:13:35Oh, my.
01:13:37Go on, Madeline.
01:13:38Tell me everything.
01:13:40Why, Dickie, you must know as well as I do.
01:13:44What was that lovely little Swiss lullaby you sang?
01:13:49Swiss lullaby?
01:13:50Yes, the one you yodeled to me.
01:13:53Yodeled?
01:13:55Oh, my word, I yodeled.
01:13:58Oh, you must yodel again for me often.
01:14:00Now that I know you do it so well.
01:14:04This is the end.
01:14:05What nonsense, darling.
01:14:06Why, I fixed you up last night, and I'll do it again.
01:14:09I'll mix you a bracelet, only your Madeline knows how.
01:14:11And then we'll go for a nice long drive in the country.
01:14:14You won't try to work today, will you?
01:14:17Work?
01:14:18After the vaudeville show I gave last night?
01:14:20Oh, no.
01:14:21Now you must rest.
01:14:22And then, well, don't forget all the lovely things we plan to do today.
01:14:30Oh, dear, dear, dear.
01:14:36Last night, last night, last night.
01:14:46So, you yodeled to her, did you?
01:14:49Well, she liked it, didn't she?
01:14:50I'll say she did.
01:14:51She wants me to yodel again and often, and I can't.
01:14:54Oh, you fiend.
01:14:55You, you, you, you hound.
01:14:57Well, I like that.
01:14:58After all the trouble I took not to give you away.
01:15:01Why, she never for a moment suspected the difference.
01:15:04What?
01:15:05You didn't tell her you weren't home last night.
01:15:07That's a fine question.
01:15:08Well, and everything is all right.
01:15:09All right.
01:15:10I knew just how to handle the situation.
01:15:12I behaved exactly as you would have.
01:15:14You knew how to handle the situation.
01:15:16You knew how to handle the situation.
01:15:18By being skittish.
01:15:19By telling her stories.
01:15:20At midnight.
01:15:21Just for a start.
01:15:22Well, I had to do something to pass the time you asked me to impersonate you.
01:15:26No excuse for you kissing her, Zero.
01:15:28But I was you.
01:15:29But I'm her husband.
01:15:31Well, so was I.
01:15:32Oh.
01:15:34Put something into my hand.
01:15:39I want to know exactly what happened last night.
01:15:43Well, what do you think?
01:15:45I can't think.
01:15:46I'm going mad.
01:15:48What are you arguing about out there?
01:15:50Dicky.
01:15:51Yes, dear.
01:15:53Shut up.
01:15:54She means me.
01:15:55How do you know?
01:15:56For that, I murder you.
01:15:58Here, honey, drink this.
01:15:59It's what made you feel so good last night.
01:16:03I'm going mad.
01:16:05Why?
01:16:06What's happened?
01:16:07Don't you go away from here.
01:16:12Perhaps I'd better.
01:16:13I think so.
01:16:14You'll excuse me?
01:16:15Oh, yes.
01:16:24Diane!
01:16:27Why?
01:16:28What have you done to her?
01:16:29She's fainted.
01:16:30Fainted?
01:16:33Why, what's happened?
01:16:34Who is this?
01:16:35That's Dicky's new secretary.
01:16:36Secretary?
01:16:37And who is this?
01:16:38My wife.
01:16:39Your wife?
01:16:40Yes.
01:16:41What was she doing here?
01:16:42Listening.
01:16:43She knows everything.
01:16:44Shh.
01:16:45She's coming, too.
01:16:48Oh, you yodeled to her.
01:16:53How long has she been here?
01:16:54Long enough to hear everything.
01:17:03I'm shooting the wrong man.
01:17:06Poor girl.
01:17:14Well, dear, do you feel any better?
01:17:16I don't know.
01:17:17I haven't made up my mind.
01:17:18Well, I'm glad you've come back, because I think it's about time you told the truth about everything.
01:17:21Yes, that's what I want.
01:17:22The truth, and the whole truth about everything.
01:17:25Well, now that we're here, we can talk this thing over calmly.
01:17:28We might as well all sit down.
01:17:29Sit down, dear.
01:17:30I will not sit down.
01:17:31Dicky, sit down.
01:17:33I'm rested now.
01:17:35Richard, I want you to know Mrs. Zero.
01:17:38Mrs. Ze...
01:17:40Your wife?
01:17:41Why, certainly.
01:17:45Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
01:17:49Oh, I'm glad to meet you, too.
01:17:51Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
01:17:54Now, to begin with, is that where you're going?
01:17:57I have been discharged, madame.
01:17:58Discharged? Who discharged you?
01:18:00This lady.
01:18:01I had to.
01:18:02Her French was breaking out something awful.
01:18:04Her French breaking out?
01:18:05Well, if you must know the truth, she became so brazen as to kiss Dicky right in front of me.
01:18:10He told me to, for $50.
01:18:12That is a lie.
01:18:13I did nothing of the kind.
01:18:14We're all going to tell the truth.
01:18:16I may as well confess.
01:18:17It was I who did it.
01:18:19You?
01:18:20I never saw you before.
01:18:21It was he.
01:18:23Wait a minute.
01:18:24What is this?
01:18:25That is a dress, madame.
01:18:26Oh, I can see it's a dress.
01:18:28Let me look at it.
01:18:29By Madeline, this must be one of yours.
01:18:33I will notify the police.
01:18:37I'm going to call an officer.
01:18:38Oh, mother.
01:18:39Think of the neighbors.
01:18:40Oh, no, madame.
01:18:41It was given to me.
01:18:42Who gave it to you?
01:18:43This lady.
01:18:44She gave it to you?
01:18:45Ha, ha, ha.
01:18:46That's a good one.
01:18:47Ha, ha, ha.
01:18:48Did you not, madame?
01:18:49Why, I never saw it before in my life.
01:18:51Oh, get the girl out of here.
01:18:52What difference does it make where she got it?
01:18:54It doesn't belong to any of you.
01:18:55But why should she insist that you gave it to her?
01:18:57Well, how do I know?
01:18:59That's what I'd like to know.
01:19:00Maybe Andrews can help us.
01:19:01Andrews can do nothing of the kind.
01:19:03Well, there's no harm in asking him.
01:19:04But, sweet...
01:19:05Why ask a dumb person?
01:19:06Now, we'll all hear something.
01:19:09Are you hearing, madame?
01:19:11Yes, Andrews.
01:19:12Have you ever seen this lady before?
01:19:14Yes, madame.
01:19:15Two of her.
01:19:16Two of her?
01:19:17Twice.
01:19:19When and where did you see her?
01:19:23Shall I tell the truth, Mr. Smith?
01:19:25Why, of course, you fool.
01:19:29She called this morning.
01:19:30In fact, I let her in.
01:19:32Well, well, there you are, you see?
01:19:34Somebody had to let her in.
01:19:37Had you ever seen her before that?
01:19:39Yes, last night.
01:19:40And if you ask me, it was the worst night in history.
01:19:44Last night is none of my business.
01:19:46Madame come here this morning in this gown?
01:19:49Yes, some like that, I guess.
01:19:51Josette, let me see that dress.
01:19:53Oui, monsieur.
01:19:57Why, Diane, this is one of yours.
01:20:01So, you little homebody.
01:20:03You weren't home at all last night.
01:20:05No.
01:20:06Who were you out with?
01:20:07Oh...
01:20:08Who were you out with?
01:20:10Oh...
01:20:11Tell me.
01:20:12I was out with him.
01:20:14So...
01:20:19Dickie, you scoundrel.
01:20:21Why, how perfectly ridiculous.
01:20:22How could I possibly be out with her?
01:20:24Wasn't I locked up with you in that room the whole night long?
01:20:27No.
01:20:28I knew from the very first it wasn't you.
01:20:30Yes.
01:20:31You knew.
01:20:32And yet you let him stay?
01:20:34Oh, oh, oh, you female of the species.
01:20:38And you, you'll pay for this.
01:20:40Wait, wait, let me explain.
01:20:42Explain, explain.
01:20:43Dickie.
01:20:44Explain.
01:20:45Hey, Dickie.
01:20:55Don't shoot.
01:20:56I love him.
01:20:58Stop him, stop him.
01:21:00Stop him, stop him, stop him.
01:21:07Next time he comes around, stop him.
01:21:09Did you hear what he said?
01:21:10Why don't you stop him?
01:21:11With what?
01:21:12With anything.
01:21:13He's the one that ate.
01:21:14Now.
01:21:25Stop it!
01:21:28Let him go.
01:21:29No, No, No, no.
01:21:30Let him go.
01:21:31Let him go!
01:21:32I'm not gonna let him go.
01:21:34I'm not gonna let him go.
01:21:36Oh, no, don't shoot him.
01:21:37I'm not gonna let him die.
01:21:39Just give it up.
01:21:40Now, you'll do some explaining to me, you, and you.
01:21:47Diane, Diane, Mr. Smith, no, Dickey.
01:21:52Open this door.
01:21:54Oh, Dickey, please, please, let me in.
01:21:57Let me in.
01:21:58Let me in.
01:21:59Let me in.
01:22:00Let me in.
01:22:01Let me in.
01:22:02Let me in.
01:22:03Let me in.
01:22:04Let me in.
01:22:05Let me in.
01:22:06Let me in.
01:22:07Let me in.
01:22:08Let me in.
01:22:09Let me in.
01:22:13Please, please, please, let me tell you the truth about last night.
01:22:17What are you doing in there?
01:22:24Come on, you've gotta get out of here.
01:22:26Oh, I'm afraid...
01:22:27Well, let me go.
01:22:29Wait a minute, never mind, I'll do it.
01:22:39Don't tell me. Did you make it?
01:22:42Yeah, I made it, all right.
01:22:55No, you don't. No, you don't. Not on me, you don't.
01:22:58You got that 50 bucks?
01:22:59No.
01:23:00Oh, come on. Back you go.
01:23:04Did you hear that crash? He's beating her.
01:23:06Courage, Diane. Courage.
01:23:09Diane, Diane, Diane, Diane, Diane.
01:23:11Hey, you.
01:23:15I'm seeing things again, Diane.
01:23:23Diane, where have you been?
01:23:25Hey, I caught this young lady trying to make a getaway.
01:23:28Hey, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:23:29She's my fair, and she don't get out of here till she comes across.
01:23:33Say, I've been riding this dame around since 12 o'clock last night.
01:23:37I picked her up at the whoopee club.
01:23:39And I was with her.
01:23:40Yeah, that's right. You was with her.
01:23:42I let you out at the subway station.
01:23:43Shut up.
01:23:44Was there a man along?
01:23:46Yes, ma'am.
01:23:46Your husband?
01:23:47You're fired.
01:23:49Fired?
01:23:50Oh, I remember him.
01:23:53That's the guy that was with him.
01:23:55That's the guy I let out at the union club.
01:23:58And she's been alone ever since?
01:24:01Yes, sir.
01:24:05Oh, thanks.
01:24:06I didn't dare go home.
01:24:07I had to come here for money for the taxi.
01:24:09Oh, you poor kid.
01:24:11You poor kid.
01:24:13Shut up.
01:24:15You don't want a divorce now at all, do you, darling?
01:24:18No.
01:24:19But I do.
01:24:21I'm the only injured party.
01:24:23You let him stay.
01:24:24You let him stay.
01:24:26Of course.
01:24:27I knew the minute I kissed him, he wasn't you.
01:24:29Well, what did you do?
01:24:30Well, as soon as I was positive,
01:24:31I demanded the reason for the impersonation.
01:24:33And I told her.
01:24:35You told her?
01:24:36It was either that or go to jail.
01:24:38Oh, Dickie, it was such a gorgeous chance
01:24:40to cure you of your blooming habit.
01:24:44She went into her room, darling.
01:24:46I locked the connecting door.
01:24:48Yes.
01:24:49And prayed for the best.
01:24:51Oh, sweetheart.
01:24:52If you'll forgive me this time,
01:24:54I promise you I'll never bloom again as long as I live.
01:24:58Well, I'm sure glad I'm not married.
01:25:01Well, thank heaven all my husbands are dead.
01:25:03I really love you.
01:25:05I love you.
01:25:08My mad daddy.