NR | 21min | Documentary, Short
AMERICA'S MOST UNWANTED, the newest short-form documentary from award-winning filmmaker Shani Heckman, reveals untold stories of homophobia in the foster care system in the countrys most gay-friendly state: California.
Director: Shani Heckman
Star: Tom Riska
AMERICA'S MOST UNWANTED, the newest short-form documentary from award-winning filmmaker Shani Heckman, reveals untold stories of homophobia in the foster care system in the countrys most gay-friendly state: California.
Director: Shani Heckman
Star: Tom Riska
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
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00:50Until I started to make this film, I knew nothing about foster youth.
00:55Even though I was once one myself.
01:00One of the few things my mother taught me before she died
01:07is that life is unfair.
01:12Like other foster youth, I was not included in the decision
01:16to put myself in foster care, nor was my placement
01:20any result of my own doing.
01:25My 65-year-old aunt, with high blood pressure and diabetes,
01:31was ill-prepared to take care of her 13-year-old.
01:34One night, during a fight, she signed me over to the state.
01:42A week later, I was living with a new family,
01:46strangers to me, an hour away.
01:54I think the hardest thing about being in foster care
01:57is that you do lack the adult support and you don't have
02:02that comfort of when you go off to college
02:04that your mom or dad is going to go with you
02:06and that they're always going to be there to support you.
02:08You're just kind of on your own.
02:11And it's hard at times, it's really lonely.
02:15I spent the last 10 years looking for the perfect family,
02:19for the perfect mom and the dad and the little sister or brother.
02:22I just kind of had to come to accept that my life is different.
02:27I don't think there's ever a moment that comes
02:31to people who have experienced such dysfunction
02:35where everything is honestly 100% at ease
02:38and comforted and supported.
02:40Because even when you're doing really good
02:42and people want to be a part of your life,
02:44there's still those moments when you're sitting down
02:46in your bed at night and you're wondering,
02:48am I good enough for all this?
02:51I turned myself in after my 17th birthday
02:54because my mom is addicted to heroin and cocaine and crack.
02:59Growing up, I used to cry myself to sleep
03:02and I used to, before I come home from school,
03:04I would ask, you know,
03:06dear God, please don't let her be high today.
03:13Sometimes people ask me,
03:15how did I get to the place where I was, how did I survive?
03:19When I started reflecting on that question,
03:22it did make me realise and think, gosh, yeah, actually,
03:25a lot of the kids who I grew up with are dead.
03:27Some of them were dead by the time we were 15.
03:30What was it that made me come through?
03:35It's really hard to be outed, queer and foster youth.
03:41I've had group home staff tell me
03:44that they're not going to put the new girl in my room
03:47because I might rape them in the middle of the night or something.
03:51I get a lot of weird comments like that.
03:54Not everybody is as educated,
03:56so they don't really know that much about it.
03:59And there's a lot of people that are hurt.
04:01Sometimes I think the best way for people
04:04to cope with their own hurt is to hurt others.
04:07And it's really easy when that's such a big society-hated thing.
04:12It's like saying, hey, come pick on me.
04:15It's like a stamp on my forehead, but I'm comfortable
04:18and I can smile with who I am, so it's worth it.
04:24I have heard about people being kicked out
04:27for being gay in foster homes.
04:29There was a foster home I was at where I wasn't out yet,
04:32but she was just hesitant with the fact
04:34that I had a friend that was bi.
04:36I remember having to ask if I could see her or talk to her,
04:39and all the other kids were not OK with it.
04:42So I'm sure if I would have come out,
04:44then I would have been kicked out sooner than I already was.
04:47When I was identified as a lesbian,
04:50they would not let me be in a room
04:53with a closed door with any of the other girls who I lived with.
04:56Everybody else, they could do anything they wanted,
04:59but as soon as I would go in a room, they'd make a big scene.
05:02They made me feel really uncomfortable by being a lesbian.
05:05I felt that it was really hard
05:08because they made it seem like I was just trying to turn everybody out.
05:12It wasn't even like that.
05:14They were all my friends, and half of them were already lesbians themselves,
05:17and they just never made it clear to any of the staff that's what they were.
05:21It was sad enough that I had just left a family.
05:24Even though it wasn't stable, I felt like I was already unaccepted,
05:27and there I was being put into a category
05:30to where I couldn't even close my own room door.
05:33And it's supposed to be transitional housing.
05:35This isn't a group home.
05:37This is the step in between foster care and becoming an adult.
05:40I'm here to introduce our last speaker.
06:10Our last awardee, which is Savannah.
06:13The work that she has done for this community is not only inspiring,
06:17but I know there are so many people that learn from her every day.
06:21Please come on up here, Savannah.
06:24Whoo!
06:28It was amazing, the amount of people that wanted to be around me.
06:31When I was up on the stage emceeing shows and winning awards,
06:36it was amazing the amount of people that wanted to shake my hand
06:39and tell me how great of a person I am.
06:41And that was the most purest feelings I felt in a while
06:45that had anything to do with positivity.
06:48But life throws you curveballs all the time.
06:54There's hurdles that you constantly have to jump.
06:57And when they came back into my life recently,
06:59nobody wants to be there and nobody wants to shake my hand
07:02and nobody wants to tell me how great I'm doing.
07:04Instead, it's way easier to jump to the negative sides.
07:08And that's how the system cheated me the most.
07:10Because these people that it took so many years for me to finally trust.
07:14I finally started doing it these last couple years
07:17and trusting adults again after years of shutting everybody out
07:21and building this enormous wall around myself.
07:24And because I'm not on stage anymore,
07:27and because I'm not up there doing all these things that they want me to do
07:30or that they want to be a part of to share the success in,
07:32to be part of the inspirational adults that helped me climb out of it,
07:36it's your typical lifetime story.
07:3885,000 youth in our foster care here in California.
07:43We take these children from their homes out of concern for neglect and abuse.
07:51But once we take them from their home into our care, we're failing them.
07:56Fewer than 50% of our children in foster care are graduating from high school.
08:02Within years of emancipation,
08:05we see that about a third are on welfare
08:09and 25% are incarcerated
08:13and another third find themselves homeless and unemployed.
08:18A fact that I share with people that makes their mouths drop
08:22is that 70% of our prison inmates
08:27have spent time in our foster care system.
08:31I did live on the streets,
08:40and I ended up, I went to the main women's prison at the age of 15
08:45for shoplifting, you know, that kind of stuff.
08:47When I came out, somebody who had looked after me
08:52in one of the children's homes I was in offered to foster me.
08:56And she had a lot of opposition about that
08:59because, you know, I was this kid living on the streets,
09:01always getting in trouble with the police.
09:03And this woman, she was somebody who really believed in me and saw me
09:07and saw the whole of me,
09:10didn't just see the person who lived on the streets.
09:13She saw also that that behaviour
09:16was a symptom of my distress and struggle.
09:21As I take a deep breath and spit my first line,
09:25my fears are presented.
09:27As I reminisce on how, when I was a child,
09:29I hated math and I even skipped class to avoid numbers.
09:33Now, as an adult, I hide behind these car windows
09:36that are tinted to avoid numbers,
09:38more like AK-47s and Tech-9s and 38mm.
09:42Yet, you still have the courage to ask me,
09:45why is it that none of your poetry is positive?
09:48And I say, because you don't know what the fuck I've been through.
09:51See, walking down memory lane, I gasp for air,
09:54watching my mother drown in a man named heroin
09:56and her bringing me down with her.
09:58I see her getting beaten by dope men
10:00while I hide behind walls that confine me,
10:02which are the same walls that my mother face hits
10:05and the same walls that my mother screams confide to.
10:08I feel like I represent a lot of things.
10:11And sometimes it's hard
10:14because physically looking, just fully African-American,
10:17so when I go to class, people see me as the leader
10:20or the spokesperson for African-American race.
10:23And I know when I talk about,
10:25oh, well, in foster care I experienced this, this, and this,
10:28I'm the spokesperson for foster care youth, too.
10:30A lot of times people question me,
10:32even about being a foster youth, about living in Hunters Point.
10:35They're like, well, how was it for you?
10:37I heard a lot of things about that.
10:39Did you get raped in foster care?
10:41They ask questions that they hear on TV
10:43or they stereotypically believe.
10:45Out of 30,000 kids who go to Cal, there's 20 of us.
10:50So we are really little.
10:52We do amount to a really small percent.
11:08When I was at Reed, during the holidays, it was kind of hard.
11:11Holidays just in general aren't good for fosters.
11:14It'd be hard on, like, Thanksgiving or, like, parent weekend.
11:17I had kids complaining about how their parents were there
11:20and they didn't want them there.
11:22I wish my dad, who I don't even know his name, would show up,
11:25or someone.
11:27They're just not grateful at all.
11:29That was really hard.
11:31I'd, like, avoid the dining hall
11:33because I didn't want to go in there
11:35and see all the other parents sitting around their kids
11:38and hearing kids complaining about the care packages they would get.
11:41Like, I didn't really want this.
11:43I didn't get a care package.
11:45The only kids to me are other fosters.
11:47Me and Savannah have lived together for a lot of years,
11:50off and on,
11:52because we were both in this county
11:54and both moved around a lot,
11:56both in foster care a long time,
11:58and never really got that perfect foster home.
12:01She was one of the first kids I'd met there
12:04that had actually, like, had a decent amount of experience
12:07in foster care under her belt.
12:09We were the only ones that could actually hold an intellectual conversation,
12:12playing gin rummy and pissing the staff off.
12:15And we had some ups and downs.
12:17It is hard being a foster.
12:19There's a lot of issues that go with that.
12:21Like, all of us have our problems.
12:23The thing is, is, like, we all know each other,
12:25and we know that and can accept it
12:27because we've seen it.
12:29Like, we understand where it comes from,
12:31where someone else might not get why they have that attitude
12:34or why they're acting that way.
12:36To us, it makes sense. Like, oh, you're being a foster.
12:38It was like our own little family type of thing.
12:40Even though the kids didn't get along all the way all the time,
12:43they still cared about each other at the end of the day,
12:46and that's what made that group home feel like a home.
12:49That doesn't happen in facilities.
12:51After I left, they wouldn't let me come back.
12:54And those kids don't think I care about them anymore.
12:58And it sucks because I'm another adult in their life that just left them.
13:02And that was never my intention.
13:04Recently, I have been homeless in Santa Cruz,
13:08sleeping outside a lot,
13:10sleeping in the caves off the cliffs.
13:12You know, for the first time in my life,
13:14I wasn't able to take care of myself.
13:17Summer was really hard because I didn't have a place to stay.
13:21So I stayed in my car or I went to my grandma's house,
13:24which was really hectic.
13:26I stayed there for a couple of days until I couldn't deal with it anymore.
13:29And I'd go to my best friend's house for a while.
13:32The summer, I was just so happy when it was over.
13:38I do not think a 19-year-old
13:40can find a place pretty easily in Santa Cruz.
13:43The rent's really expensive.
13:45And a lot of times they want, like, credit checks and stuff.
13:49I don't have any credit.
13:51They want previous rental history.
13:53I don't have that.
13:55They want a cosigner.
13:57And on a lot of the forms, it's not even called cosigner.
14:00Like, see, I don't have any credit.
14:02I don't have any money.
14:04I don't have anything.
14:06On a lot of the forms, it's not even called cosigner.
14:09Like, see, I see forms called parental guarantee.
14:12What am I supposed to do with that?
14:14So there's a lot of places I just ignored because of that.
14:18I'm like, well, I can't do that.
14:20So...
14:21And a lot of people who are my supports are the fosters.
14:24So guess what?
14:25They don't really have credit or any of that either.
14:28So it's not really going to do me any good.
14:30That was really hard.
14:32And it was hard, like, just finding a place.
14:34I didn't have a phone number or anything.
14:36I didn't know how it worked.
14:38Like, I didn't know any of that.
14:40My ILP worker, she helped me send out the first few e-mails
14:43just so I could, like, get an idea of what to say
14:46and what's going to happen.
14:48And then I called, went to a couple places, look at them,
14:51and then sometimes people weren't even there.
14:53They'd leave a note on the door
14:55saying the room was already rented.
14:57After I traveled all the way over there, I don't have a car.
15:00Like, I have to take extra time to be able to get to these places.
15:03They liked me, and it's the first one I snagged at.
15:09Sometimes I just lay down and cry.
15:11I tell my girlfriend, you got to keep talking to me
15:13because I think about everything I've been through.
15:15Every couple of, you know, weeks,
15:17I have, like, this emotional breakdown.
15:19But I feel like it cleanses me out.
15:21When I hold it in too long, it's going to break.
15:23And once it breaks inside of me, it breaks you.
15:25It doesn't just break that.
15:27It breaks everything, your soul, all of that.
15:29And I don't want that to happen.
15:31And it's happened before.
15:33I've been broke down, and I tried to commit suicide.
15:35Instead of saying, oh, well, my life is perfect now, I go to UC.
15:38And instead of doing that,
15:40I acknowledge that where I came from still affects me today.
15:43But it's like you have to know your own strength.
15:47By me writing poetry and by me crying a lot,
15:51that's what keeps me strong.
15:53That's what keeps my poker face going.
15:55I'm at school. I don't need to tell everybody,
15:57well, this is all my problems.
15:59You have to blend in in this world,
16:01because if your flaws are a little bit different,
16:03then, you know, you sort of fall short.
16:05And I don't want that to happen.
16:12I don't know how to co-parent a child.
16:15I don't know all the right things to do.
16:18I couldn't tell you all the steps I want to take
16:20or I'm supposed to take, but...
16:24I know exactly what not to do.
16:26And I know what could be the worst
16:28and what is the most detrimental to a child.
16:30And I know what could really just tear someone down,
16:34and I know how to stay away from it.
16:37So I might not know everything that you're supposed to do in life,
16:41but I know what you're not supposed to do.
16:46I think every kid who's been fostered somewhere
16:49doesn't love themselves, and it's nothing to do with us,
16:52the fact that we didn't grow up with our biological parents.
16:55The biggest thing for me was
16:57I realised that I had to take responsibility for me.
17:00I just felt that the world owed me something,
17:03and that just didn't get me anywhere.
17:06Suddenly woke up one day and had this realisation
17:09and thinking, well, people can say,
17:11poor Valerie this, poor Valerie that,
17:13but I have to do something, you know, to change my lot, really.
17:19For a long time,
17:21I pretended I never was in foster care.
17:29I was really lucky to not be homeless.
17:39If we knew more about foster youth,
17:42there would be less negativity around foster care.
17:46And a greater chance at success.
17:53Foster care saved my life.
17:59America's Most Unwanted
18:02You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
18:05Rise on up, rise on up, rise on up
18:09You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
18:12Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up
18:15You got the power to rise on up,
18:17Don't let the world right mess it up
18:19This is for the foster youth who grew up in hella homes
18:22Location of birth, parents unknown
18:24You can't choose who your mommy will be
18:26What if she was hooked to the drugs at sixteen
18:29You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
18:32Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
18:36Rise on up, rise on up
18:38Foster youth is turning to a buzzkill word
18:41That's cause the people really aren't sure
18:43What it means to have strength and resiliency
18:45At the age of fifteen
18:47Life experience is where it's at
18:49Sometimes I'm more badass than being a Harvard grad
18:52Preaching to the choir when I say the system is fucked
18:54But it gets you inspired, let's give hella more love
18:58You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
19:01Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
19:04Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
19:09Rise on up, rise on up,
19:11Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
19:14Rise on up
19:16Shout out to my homies making documentaries,
19:19Getting PhDs, going to law school,
19:21Changing policy to get the youth off the street
19:24And into the university
19:26In America, hella unnoticed, I love it's twist
19:28Battling out with the hypocrites
19:31Fake evangelists invested in marriage
19:33While foster youth get treated like an unwanted miscarriage
19:36I have a hard time facing
19:38All the people I've been hating
19:40To the fat kid on the bus
19:41Eating Cheetos, sipping 7-Up
19:43I'm sorry, I judge a lot
19:46You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
19:49Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
19:53Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
19:57Rise on up, rise on up,
20:00You got the power to rise on up,
20:02Rise on up
20:04This is for the foster kids, kick to the curb
20:06Buy your 55th placement
20:08You slept in streets, church basements
20:10Focus on the family, ain't bout you or me
20:12If you live on the street, hug trees
20:14Be a masculine chick or something like bisexual
20:16Then all the people act like you're poisoned by the devil
20:19Jesus said don't judge others until you walk into their shoes
20:22Politicians, you don't shit about the foster youth
20:25Most foster youth fight on the street
20:27Cause they like the spots or the creativity
20:29You got the power to rise on up, rise on up,
20:32Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
20:35Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
20:40Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
20:45You got the power to rise on up,
20:47Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
20:52Rise on up, you got the power to rise on up,
20:57Rise on up