Funny short sayings and humorous quotes that will keep you glued to a humor mood, Dude, instead of the Boob Tube. Funny quotations for a fun attitude, in case yours is skewed, screwed, or subdued, and you need it renewed.
Links to more TV humor at bottom.
Funny Quotations:
TV and Radio, Group 1
1. So long as there’s a jingle in your head, television isn’t free.
- Jason Love
2. Cable TV is now evenly divided between shows about preparing food and shows about losing weight.
- Andy Borowitz
3. One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
- Kurt Vonnegut
4. Local TV news finds the stupidest person they can, and if that person understands the story, they don't use it.
- Dave Barry
5. I turned up the brightness control on my TV but it didn’t work. The show got even dumber.
- Greg Tamblyn
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 2
6. Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.
Homer Simpson
7. Lifetime: Television for Women - because women love to see horrible things happen to other women.
- Ruminations.com
8. My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
8. If you miss the news for a day, you miss everything. If you miss the news for a year, you don’t miss anything.
- Jay Leno
10. Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 3
11. I may have made a lot of bad decisions in life, but at least I don't watch daytime television.
- Andy Borowitz
12. Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen
13. Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
- Fran Lebowitz
14. Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen
15. 98 percent of American homes have TV sets. Which means the other two percent of the households have to generate their own sex and violence.
- Franklin P. Jones
Funny Quotations:
TV and Radio, Group 4
16. In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
- Woody Allen
17. It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.
- Lisa Simpson
18. It's hard to decide if TV makes morons out of everyone, or if it mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with.
- Martin Mull
19. Nothing in the long history of mankind can be everything to everyone — except maybe The Simpsons.
- Joe Poznanski
20. If you have to get your news from TV, get it from the Comedy Channel. It’s just as accurate, with the added benefit of making you forget your Prozac for a few minutes.
- Greg Tamblyn
Humorous Quotes:
TV Quotes, Group 5
21. May [this] be the year that we collectively tune out Reality TV and tune into...reality!
- Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)
22. The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
- Dave Barry
23. Toward the end of the Cretaceous Period, the earth was struck by an asteroid that wiped out 75% of all the species on the planet. Can we honestly say that we had a worse year than those species did? Yes we can, because they were not exposed to Jersey Shore.
- Dave Barry
24. When I got my first television set I stopped caring so much about close relationships.
- Andy Warhol
25. Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home.
- David Frost
2Save
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 6
26. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: The President’s side, and the Vice-President’s side.
- Stephen Colbert, on the Bush presidency
27. Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the ‘50s said it was going to be.
- Fran Lebowitz
28. Imagine what it would be like if TV were actually good. It would be the end of everything we know.
- Marvin Minsky
29. What do you get when you add media to democracy? You get mediocracy.
- Peter Bergman
30. I’ve been thinking about joining T.V. Watchers Anonymous, but I can’t figure out what channel it’s on.
- Melanie White
31. Watching cable news because you want to be informed is like going to Olive Garden because you want to live in Italy.
- Andy Borowitz
32. We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg's great invention had been directed at printing only comic books.
Robert M. Hutchins
33. If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
Links to more TV humor at bottom.
Funny Quotations:
TV and Radio, Group 1
1. So long as there’s a jingle in your head, television isn’t free.
- Jason Love
2. Cable TV is now evenly divided between shows about preparing food and shows about losing weight.
- Andy Borowitz
3. One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
- Kurt Vonnegut
4. Local TV news finds the stupidest person they can, and if that person understands the story, they don't use it.
- Dave Barry
5. I turned up the brightness control on my TV but it didn’t work. The show got even dumber.
- Greg Tamblyn
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 2
6. Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.
Homer Simpson
7. Lifetime: Television for Women - because women love to see horrible things happen to other women.
- Ruminations.com
8. My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
8. If you miss the news for a day, you miss everything. If you miss the news for a year, you don’t miss anything.
- Jay Leno
10. Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 3
11. I may have made a lot of bad decisions in life, but at least I don't watch daytime television.
- Andy Borowitz
12. Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen
13. Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
- Fran Lebowitz
14. Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen
15. 98 percent of American homes have TV sets. Which means the other two percent of the households have to generate their own sex and violence.
- Franklin P. Jones
Funny Quotations:
TV and Radio, Group 4
16. In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
- Woody Allen
17. It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.
- Lisa Simpson
18. It's hard to decide if TV makes morons out of everyone, or if it mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with.
- Martin Mull
19. Nothing in the long history of mankind can be everything to everyone — except maybe The Simpsons.
- Joe Poznanski
20. If you have to get your news from TV, get it from the Comedy Channel. It’s just as accurate, with the added benefit of making you forget your Prozac for a few minutes.
- Greg Tamblyn
Humorous Quotes:
TV Quotes, Group 5
21. May [this] be the year that we collectively tune out Reality TV and tune into...reality!
- Swami Beyondananda (Steve Bhaerman)
22. The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
- Dave Barry
23. Toward the end of the Cretaceous Period, the earth was struck by an asteroid that wiped out 75% of all the species on the planet. Can we honestly say that we had a worse year than those species did? Yes we can, because they were not exposed to Jersey Shore.
- Dave Barry
24. When I got my first television set I stopped caring so much about close relationships.
- Andy Warhol
25. Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home.
- David Frost
2Save
Funny Short Sayings:
TV and Radio, Group 6
26. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: The President’s side, and the Vice-President’s side.
- Stephen Colbert, on the Bush presidency
27. Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the ‘50s said it was going to be.
- Fran Lebowitz
28. Imagine what it would be like if TV were actually good. It would be the end of everything we know.
- Marvin Minsky
29. What do you get when you add media to democracy? You get mediocracy.
- Peter Bergman
30. I’ve been thinking about joining T.V. Watchers Anonymous, but I can’t figure out what channel it’s on.
- Melanie White
31. Watching cable news because you want to be informed is like going to Olive Garden because you want to live in Italy.
- Andy Borowitz
32. We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg's great invention had been directed at printing only comic books.
Robert M. Hutchins
33. If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
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Fun