Taskmaster AU Season 01 Episode 05
Fabulous Taskmaster Tom Gleeson puts five funny folk to the test, with Julia Morris, Luke McGregor, Jimmy Rees, Nina Oyama and Danielle Walker undergoing a range of ridiculous tasks for our amusement.
Fabulous Taskmaster Tom Gleeson puts five funny folk to the test, with Julia Morris, Luke McGregor, Jimmy Rees, Nina Oyama and Danielle Walker undergoing a range of ridiculous tasks for our amusement.
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00:00This is the best day of my life.
00:30Yes, hello, welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:38My name is Tom Gleeson and as far as you are concerned,
00:41for the duration of this show, I am the Taskmaster.
00:46This is the show where I take five beloved comedy personalities
00:50and make them dance for me like they've never danced before.
00:53The prize at the end of the season?
00:55Why, it's as good as it gets.
00:58It's this shiny replica of my head,
01:01forged by melting down every single gold logie except mine.
01:06Vying for this most elusive of prizes are our brave contestants.
01:10Please clap as I say their names.
01:13Daniel Walker.
01:14Jimmy Rees.
01:16Julian Morris.
01:18Luke McGregor.
01:20And Nina Yama.
01:21And by my side, as always, is a man who does need an introduction.
01:28Easily one of the top two Toms in my inner circle.
01:31It's my honest assistant, Tom Cashman.
01:34G'day, mate.
01:37Let's start with the prize class, okay?
01:39I think that's a good idea.
01:41Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be
01:44the most pretentious thing.
01:46The person who brings the thing that the main Tom finds most pretentious
01:50will take home five points,
01:51and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five pretentious items.
01:55Okay, it shouldn't be too tricky for this highbrow group of coastal elites.
02:01Let's start with Nina Yama.
02:03What have you brought in?
02:04I brought in a gay toilet door.
02:06So this actually does have a story,
02:10which is my former housemate Ian is a subversive queer artist,
02:13and this is part of one of his installations.
02:15It's actually one of the original toilet doors
02:17from one of the first gay nightclubs in King's Cross.
02:21So it's part of queer Australian history.
02:23Actually, round of applause for this great door.
02:25That explanation was very pretentious,
02:28and even the wanting a round of applause at the end for your own validation.
02:32Extremely on the nose, that was.
02:34Luke, what have you got?
02:36I also brought in a gay door, no.
02:40I spent four grand
02:44to get someone in England to build a replica proton pack
02:51from the first Ghostbusters movie.
02:56But because I know the person gets the prizes at the end,
03:01I didn't bring it,
03:03I just brought a backpack that looks like it.
03:06Why is this pretentious?
03:07I don't quite understand why.
03:09To be fair, I didn't look up the definition of pretentious.
03:13I just wanted to claim the backpack on tax, so...
03:16Being sensible with your finances,
03:18I don't think that's pretentious.
03:19That's meat and two veg,
03:21that's an everyday Australian thing to do.
03:23And the proton pack's gay, so...
03:25Oh, OK.
03:27All right.
03:29Julia?
03:30I brought in my HSC results.
03:35So, obviously, if you're pretentious,
03:37I'm guessing you're showing off that you did really well.
03:39Yes.
03:39Actually, I got 198 out of 500.
03:42Oh.
03:43But how the pretension comes in, Tom,
03:46is that I use that within my complex personality type
03:50of inverted snob
03:51and brag about how low I did in the HSC
03:54because I feel like I did heaps better
03:56than everyone else in life.
04:01Due to your really poor score in the HSC,
04:04I feel like maybe knowing the meanings of words
04:06isn't your specialty.
04:09Because I think you've just described bragging.
04:11I can't get past how poorly you did.
04:15Do you know what?
04:16I got really confused
04:17and booked my schoolies week before the exams.
04:24Yeah, and see, now you're down with the people again.
04:26You're supposed to be above everyone.
04:29It's my original location.
04:30I'm always going to return there.
04:32All right.
04:32Jimmy?
04:34Well, I brought in my collection of vinyl records.
04:38Ooh.
04:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:39But...
04:40This is sounding good.
04:42I do not own a record player.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45Look how cool they look on my shelf.
04:53They look stunning.
04:54It's making me kind of hate you, so...
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57So, good job.
04:58Thanks.
04:59Danielle, what do you have for us?
05:01I've brought in a prayer candle of myself.
05:04Oh.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:06So, you got that made, obviously.
05:11No, I would never trust anybody
05:13to make any art over myself.
05:15Oh, hang on.
05:16Is this you and the craft again?
05:17Listen, when you've got a sticker printer at home,
05:20you take advantage of it.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:21All right, well,
05:23the Ghostbusters proton pack is not pretentious.
05:25Ghostbusters is a very popular mainstream film.
05:28Spending a lot of money on it isn't pretentious.
05:30It's stupid.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:31So...
05:32The HSC certificate, again,
05:35it means you're down with the people
05:36because you didn't do well.
05:37Ultimately, you're being self-deprecating,
05:39which is the opposite of pretentious.
05:40Two points to Julia.
05:41Danielle, the prayer candle.
05:43Again, I don't actually think it's that pretentious.
05:45Three points to you.
05:46Your doorpiece, it's ultimately just a toilet door,
05:49but you talked about it with such passion and detail
05:51that it was really getting on my tits.
05:53So...
05:54LAUGHTER
05:54Four points for you.
05:56But the most pretentious,
05:57records just because they look good
05:58and you don't even listen to them,
06:00Jimmy with five!
06:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:02Shall we get into our first proper task of the night?
06:08OK.
06:09Like everyone up here on stage right now,
06:11this one is a snack.
06:12MUSIC PLAYS
06:23TOOOOOOOMM!
06:29Ah!
06:30Tum?
06:32No Tom?
06:33No Tom.
06:34OK.
06:37Oh, God.
06:39It's freshly popped.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Protect the popcorn with an impenetrable fort.
06:45In ten minutes, Tom will try to eat the popcorn.
06:48You may not move the popcorn.
06:50You may not personally attack Tom.
06:52The longest uneaten popcorn wins.
06:54Tom!
06:56You know how I love not reading the last line?
06:59Your time starts now!
07:01APPLAUSE
07:03So our contestants need to stop me from eating the popcorn
07:06without physically attacking me.
07:08Oh, right.
07:09A key detail.
07:10Here are our first two colonel withholders.
07:12It's Danielle and Jimmy.
07:14So can I just...
07:14Cos he can't eat it if it's in the toilet.
07:16Can I just put it in the toilet?
07:18Oh, I've already moved the popcorn.
07:21Oh, no, you may not move the...
07:23Oh, no!
07:24OK, impenetrable fort.
07:26Let's just put random things on the table as well.
07:28So they can go...
07:29Impenetrable fort.
07:30OK, there's one.
07:39Yeah, that'll do.
07:44How many minutes until Tom comes?
07:46I'm just going to get anything, just stuff, is going to be in the way.
07:55What are you doing?
07:57I mean, he helps you.
07:58We'll be trying to get into the popcorn.
08:00It's got to be stuffed!
08:02Get out of the way!
08:04How...
08:05Show me how long everybody else get you all the way from!
08:07Thank you!
08:08Gosh, Daddy.
08:10Just don't fall over!
08:13Oh, I...
08:14They are slippery!
08:16Daddy.
08:17Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:21OK, I'm looking.
08:22Oh, no, OK, I'll...
08:24I don't want to hurt you.
08:26What?
08:26OK, he's here.
08:31I feel like some popcorn.
08:32I'm not allowed to attack you.
08:33No!
08:35No!
08:36Come on!
08:42Is this task going to just be you eating popcorn with relative ease?
08:48Potentially.
08:49I'm worried about it.
08:50Jimmy, what made you think placing a bookshelf about one metre away from the popcorn would
08:55make any difference whatsoever?
08:56Well, I ran out of bookshelves, to be honest.
08:58I thought I had one there, had one there, then I ran out really fast.
09:02In hindsight, what I should have done is just guessed where he was going to walk in from
09:06and put the bookshelves there.
09:08There's more than one doorway, though, isn't there?
09:09Yeah.
09:10Would have you still had enough bookshelves to cover every doorway?
09:13Well...
09:13And the windows?
09:14The skylight as well, I think.
09:15Oh, there you go.
09:16You should have put the bookshelf up on the skylight.
09:19It would have made just as much sense as your poor efforts.
09:23Danielle?
09:24I feel like you weren't supposed to attack Lesser Tom, but I think you did.
09:31She pinned me to a chair.
09:33Yeah.
09:34I didn't attack him.
09:35Okay.
09:36If you're going to relocate an animal for its own safety...
09:39If I had a tranq dart, boom!
09:47You would have attacked him with the tranq dart.
09:49No.
09:49I would have, for his own safety, popped him down.
09:52She had me for two minutes and 38 seconds up against the chair.
09:59Yeah, you did also...
10:00You've moved the popcorn right at the beginning, Danielle.
10:02Yeah, but just because I was flustered.
10:05Did it say in the task that if you were flustered, it's fine?
10:09Absolutely nothing about...
10:10In fact, you could say that there are two rules here and you broke both of them.
10:16I'll have to take that into consideration.
10:17How quickly did you get to Jimmy's popcorn?
10:2013 seconds.
10:21You don't have to say.
10:25All right.
10:26Have you got anyone else for me?
10:27I sure do.
10:28Here's me versus Nina Oyama.
10:31Protect the popcorn.
10:32It doesn't say, like, including the buckets.
10:34OK, little handfuls.
10:39This is going to be smart for reasons to be seen later.
10:43You know what I could do is I could hide it.
10:45I mean, no one's stopping me.
10:47You know, that's the problem.
10:48Oh, my God.
10:56I'm so excited for Tom to eat this popcorn that's in this suitcase.
11:01Hi, friend.
11:02Hey, Nina.
11:02How's it going?
11:04Good.
11:05Would you like a little snack while you look for the popcorn?
11:11Interesting.
11:11Oh, sorry.
11:12Excuse me.
11:13That was...
11:14Don't eat that one.
11:14It was on the floor.
11:17That's not popcorn.
11:17That's a piece of nature game.
11:22Thanks, Nina.
11:24What?
11:31Lesser Tom, can you just read the task again?
11:35Just so we can take it in one more time.
11:37Protect the popcorn with an impenetrable fort.
11:39In ten minutes, Tom will try to eat the popcorn.
11:41You may not move the popcorn.
11:43What?
11:43So, hang on.
11:44What was that tiny detail that you could easily miss?
11:48You may not move the popcorn.
11:50OK.
11:51And you may not personally attack Tom.
11:53OK.
11:54What the f*** am I going to do with you, Nina?
11:56When the task gets read out to you and you read the task, what's actually going on inside
12:01your head?
12:03Anything at all?
12:04Um, there's actually a lot of stuff, guys.
12:07Mostly me being like...
12:08So, even if we accepted all of that, how long did Nina take?
12:15She still took longer than Jimmy.
12:1714 seconds.
12:18Yes, nothing is impenetrable, especially this show, which we are penetrating with an ad
12:25break right now.
12:26See you soon for more popcorn protection.
12:28Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster, a high-stakes competition show where five comedians are trying
12:44to stop one hungry boy from having a yummy snack.
12:48Do I need to go into any more detail, Tom Cashman?
12:53I think it could potentially help to clarify that the snack is popcorn and the hungry boy
12:56is me.
12:58Who's left?
12:59I was fond of both of them before we filmed this.
13:01It's Julia and Luke.
13:10Here you go, Tom.
13:12You want to eat popcorn?
13:14Munger munger, Bates.
13:15That is pretty revolting.
13:23Oh, these are beautiful eggs.
13:25Some days I'm just so pleased with myself.
13:33Tom!
13:34Morning tea!
13:40Oh, I'm not going to scratch my bum and then put my finger in there, am I?
13:44That's too far.
13:45I can feel it's too far.
13:46Hey, buddy.
13:55Hello, Luke.
13:56How are you?
13:57I don't see that.
13:57I just feel like some popcorn.
13:58Oh, but wait.
13:59Before you do, actually, sorry.
14:00Let me get up for a second.
14:02And a little bit in the top.
14:04So now I feel like there's a faecal count in there.
14:07Hi, Tom!
14:08Hi, Julia.
14:09Before you eat the popcorn, before you eat the popcorn, is my butt wet?
14:14Mm-hmm.
14:14That's right.
14:15Could it be because I went into the toilet, filled that bottle up with toilet water, and
14:20then poured it on that popcorn?
14:22So, help yourself if you want one, but that's toilet water on the popcorn.
14:27Mm.
14:28I'd like some popcorn.
14:29You know what, Tom?
14:30I just touched my bum, and then I stirred it.
14:34All right.
14:34And I think legally, I have to tell you, I've spat in there.
14:37Okay.
14:38There is.
14:39I've got a few eggs in there.
14:39There is literally not a whisper of popcorn you can get to.
14:42It's an impenetrable fort, sir.
14:44But you are welcome to a little snacky if you feel like it.
14:47But it just depends on how long you want to be on the toilet today.
14:50I think I'm good.
14:52You're okay?
14:53It could be poisonous, too.
14:54You get a lot of diseases from toilets.
14:56It really smells like urine and faeces.
14:59Can I get your biscuit or something?
15:00That'd be great, thank you.
15:01Do you want me to get your biscuit?
15:02Yeah, thanks.
15:02But I've got poo-poo hands.
15:03Okay, don't worry about it, then.
15:08So, Luke, you seem pretty proud of yourself as someone who just put their hand in a toilet.
15:13Well, it wasn't actually toilet water.
15:15It was sink water.
15:16But I told Tom it was toilet water.
15:18And then once he said I did the task,
15:20I revealed that it wasn't toilet water.
15:21Okay.
15:22But I also had my bum on it for quite a while.
15:25And do you just sort of naturally have a bit of a stress sweat coming from that area anyway?
15:30No, no, I have a very diligent hygiene routine.
15:33But, um...
15:34Yeah, but I'm saying when you get stressed out,
15:36you can't control your perspiration
15:38and you might just get a bit damp on the back part of your trousers.
15:40Can we edit this bit out, or...?
15:43Now, I feel like I understand, Luke, you being disgusting,
15:50but, Julie, I feel like this was a bit beneath your standards.
15:53Here's the thing.
15:54Uh, nothing is beneath my standards.
15:56Was he even remotely tempted to find a little bit he could eat?
16:00No.
16:00It was just...
16:01It was revolting.
16:02I didn't...
16:02I didn't touch the actual...
16:04I know!
16:05No, but it wouldn't have been a faecal count as such.
16:09But you did spit in it, though.
16:10I did spit.
16:11Tom, you didn't eat any of the popcorn from either of Julia or Luke.
16:14No.
16:14No.
16:15So, that means that Julia and Luke don't have a tie.
16:18You could argue, therefore, they tie.
16:20Danielle's an easy disqualification.
16:23What the...?
16:23Well, you attacked him and you moved the popcorn.
16:26Nina...
16:26I mean, shit, mate.
16:29You're gone.
16:31That's fair.
16:32So, I think you're both out and that leaves Jimmy in second place
16:36behind the two ties.
16:38I've built a fourth!
16:40I've built a fourth!
16:42But it was a really hopeless attempt.
16:43So, I think it's five for Luke and Julia and two for Jimmy.
16:48That means that tied in the lead, it's Jimmy and Julia with seven points.
16:55All right, what do you reckon, Lesser Tom?
16:57Do you have any more of those tasks lying around?
16:59I do.
17:00Open Sesame.
17:02I do.
17:13Hello?
17:15OK.
17:16Hi, babes.
17:17Hi, Julia.
17:18Hi, Jimmy.
17:19Hang on.
17:20Hi, Danielle.
17:21Oh.
17:23Oh!
17:25Hello, mate.
17:27Hi, Chum.
17:27That's my emotional state.
17:32Is this some sort of way to set up some romance between us?
17:36No.
17:37Read the task.
17:39Pick up all 26 flowers and deliver them to Tom's vase.
17:45You may only advance to collect the next flower
17:50when you correctly guess that flower's password.
17:54You must deliver all 26 flowers to Tom's vase
17:57or you will be disqualified.
17:59Fewest total attempts to guess a password wins.
18:02Fewest total...
18:03OK.
18:04So when does my time start?
18:06There's no time aspect of this task.
18:08That's very dangerous.
18:12OK.
18:13Quite a convoluted way to get roses into a vase.
18:16Oh, not really.
18:17They just have to guess 26 acceptable passwords.
18:20Fewest guesses wins.
18:21Simple.
18:22All right.
18:23Hit me.
18:23I wouldn't dare.
18:26It's Nina and Julia.
18:27Number one.
18:28Is the password password?
18:30I will accept that password.
18:31Yes!
18:32Please proceed to the next flower.
18:33Sunshine.
18:34Happy.
18:35Nina is a cool dude.
18:37Roses in my pockets.
18:38I don't know why this is going so well.
18:41Bouquet.
18:42Vars.
18:43Pen.
18:44No.
18:44Oh.
18:46Don't turn your back on the network, Tom.
18:48Existential crisis.
18:49Apple.
18:51Bouquet.
18:51I will accept that password.
18:53Are there rules?
18:54Wait.
18:55Is the password...
18:56Are there rules?
18:57No.
18:58No.
18:59Christmas.
19:00Santa.
19:01Jesus.
19:02I will accept that password.
19:03Have you accepted Jesus, Tom?
19:06Why wouldn't you?
19:08How did I even get here?
19:09Look how far you've come.
19:11Oh, my God.
19:11Oh, my God.
19:12There's 26 letters in the alphabet.
19:13Oh, my God.
19:14It's alphabetical order.
19:15Okay.
19:15Password.
19:16Vegan.
19:17No.
19:21But.
19:23But.
19:24Run.
19:25Skip.
19:26Tie.
19:27Whistle.
19:28Me dead dog.
19:30That was not an instruction.
19:31It was just a sense of frustration.
19:33Why would you have 26 if it wasn't all the letters of the alphabet?
19:37Cola.
19:38Wattle.
19:39Gown.
19:39Mini.
19:40Zipper.
19:41I will accept that password.
19:42Uh, just got it.
19:44What about xylophone?
19:45None.
19:46Oh, that's...
19:47Oh, is that theory out the window?
19:49Spiky.
19:50Sandy.
19:51Boom.
19:52Boom.
19:53I will accept that password.
19:54What?
19:56But first, a victory lap.
19:58As is tradition.
19:59Succulent.
20:00Skin.
20:01Hang.
20:02Strength.
20:02I think it is alphabet related.
20:05But the problem is I can't remember which letters have been said or not.
20:09I don't think we've had Q.
20:12So I'm going to say, is next password question?
20:15I will accept that password.
20:16Victory lap.
20:17Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop.
20:20Bear.
20:20Dog.
20:21Effort.
20:22Far out, girl.
20:23I'm not just going to go through the alphabet.
20:25That's going to bore us both.
20:27Next password is xyz.
20:29I will accept that password.
20:31Quirky.
20:32I will accept that password.
20:34Please proceed to the final bars.
20:36Ah.
20:37Ah.
20:38Ah.
20:39There you go, baby boy.
20:41Thanks, Nina.
20:42Bye.
20:42Ah.
20:42In case it wasn't painfully obvious, we needed 26 different acceptable passwords starting
20:52with a different letter of the alphabet.
20:53Once you'd used a word that started with one letter of the alphabet, you couldn't say another
20:57password that started with that same letter.
20:59And the order didn't matter.
21:01Right.
21:01So, Julia, Nina, at the beginning you both thought you were doing really well.
21:06I was so furious by the end.
21:08Did you end up working out what was going on?
21:11You did, Nina.
21:11Did you, Julia, by the end?
21:13When I first saw 26, I'm like, well, that's alphabet.
21:15When I realised they weren't in order, it did not even vaguely occur to me that it was
21:19still alphabet, just not in that order.
21:21So, I'd already thrown that theory out.
21:22There rhyme nor reason by that point.
21:24OK.
21:25The time it takes, though, doesn't matter.
21:26It's irrelevant.
21:27It's how many guesses.
21:28It's number of guesses.
21:29Nina made 159 guesses.
21:34Ah, Julia, you guessed the C word four different times.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Julia made 342 guesses.
21:44Interestingly enough, after deciding it would be too boring to go through the alphabet,
21:52Julia made 87 more guesses.
21:57All right, more passwords, speculation coming up.
22:01But first, a well-deserved ad break.
22:03Take a load off.
22:04We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
22:06APPLAUSE
22:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:18You can cut the tension in the room with a knife, as five comedians battle it out to
22:22win a gay door.
22:25Tom Cashman, get us up to speed.
22:27So, there are 26 roses on a pathway.
22:30Each one has a password, and it can be literally anything, as long as it starts with a letter
22:34that you haven't already guessed a password for.
22:36OK, let's keep the guessing coming.
22:38Who's up?
22:39Their passwords are strong, and their muscles are medium.
22:41It's Jimmy and Luke.
22:42LAUGHTER
22:43Hey, Tom, what's the password?
22:47Is that a guess?
22:48Yeah.
22:48I will accept that password.
22:50Yes!
22:51Is the password Rose?
22:53Terminator 2, Blink-182, Dolphin, Politics, The Matrix Reloaded?
23:00No.
23:01The Matrix Resurrection?
23:03No.
23:03OK, the first Matrix, the original Matrix?
23:05No.
23:06OK, The Matrix, the video game, The Path of Neo?
23:09No.
23:10Frogs.
23:11I will accept that password.
23:12OK, is this The Matrix?
23:14Roses are red, violets are blue.
23:16How old are you?
23:18Flower.
23:18Now there's a pattern, and I can't remember what I've done.
23:21Xbox Series X.
23:22God of War 3, Elephant.
23:25Is it The Matrix?
23:27My name is Jimmy.
23:29This flower is red.
23:31Toys.
23:31Well, what I was doing was just rambling on about the things that I thought I'd done,
23:35and then I've gotten here, and I'm stuck because I don't realise what the pattern is still,
23:38but it's probably glaringly obvious for everyone who's playing along at home.
23:43Sunburn.
23:43Sunscreen?
23:44Bananas.
23:46The Matrix.
23:47Taskmasters are stupid.
23:49Can I please just figure it out in my brain?
23:53What's the password, Tom?
23:54Do you even want these flowers?
23:58Picture the password in your mind.
24:01OK.
24:01Is that the password?
24:02Tell me I'm wrong.
24:04I've got you trapped.
24:05I mean, yeah, but...
24:06Yes!
24:07Move it up!
24:08Here we go.
24:08Okay, 25, here we go.
24:10Get comfortable, Tom!
24:11That is my guess.
24:13I will accept that password.
24:14God damn it!
24:15Please proceed to the next flower.
24:17Is the password my mum?
24:19No.
24:20Did my mum have anything to do with coming up with a password?
24:22Not that I know of.
24:23Don't you lie to me.
24:24This is exactly the sort of thing mum would do.
24:26Pass with C.
24:27No.
24:28Word beginning with D.
24:29No.
24:30A word beginning with E.
24:32I will accept that password.
24:35Is the password who...
24:37No.
24:39Who's...
24:42No.
24:43Book.
24:46No.
24:47Q-R-S-T-U-D...
24:50W-X!
24:54I will accept that password.
24:55If we do rock, paper, scissors and I win,
24:57will you give me the password?
24:58Okay.
24:59One, two, three.
25:02What's the password, please?
25:03An example of a correct password is the word zebra.
25:08Password is zebra.
25:09Zebras are cool.
25:10I will accept that password.
25:12Please proceed to the VAR.
25:15That took a while, didn't it?
25:17See you, buddy.
25:18See you, Luke.
25:20Luke, if people wanted to hack into your social media,
25:23I reckon if they just tried out various variations
25:25on the Matrix movies,
25:26they might get straight in there.
25:28If they added 69, they'd be straight through.
25:29How many did he do?
25:33Luke made 289 guesses,
25:3517 of which related to the Matrix.
25:40Okay.
25:41I must say, after seeing you, Jimmy,
25:44on children's TV,
25:45looking so positive and happy,
25:47it was quite satisfying to watch you lose your shit.
25:49Yeah, by the end,
25:51I was very frustrated
25:52because I had actually figured it out
25:54and then thought I was the biggest dumbass
25:56for 75,000 guesses.
25:59Yeah, I had to lie down for a bit.
26:01Well, I think there's a certain irony there
26:03because you worked for children's TV for so long
26:05and you started to behave like the people who watched you.
26:08You turned into a toddler
26:09to the point where you had a tantrum and lied down.
26:12Was it hard for you, Tom,
26:15watching us all just completely f*** up?
26:18It was my favourite task.
26:22So how many guesses did Jimmy make?
26:24Jimmy made 323 guesses,
26:27which means Nina is still winning
26:30and Julia is still doing the opposite, losing.
26:33I should bring up, really,
26:35what the task was about,
26:36was delivering 26 roses into the vase.
26:38Right.
26:38I think they all did that, didn't they?
26:40I think he might want to see something.
26:42Oh, gosh.
26:43OK, The Legend of Korra,
26:44which is the one after Avatar.
26:46Which is the one after Avatar.
26:50Iron Man.
26:52Iron Man.
26:58See you, buddy.
27:00No littering.
27:04So is it fair to say that Luke put 24 roses in a vase?
27:08In my defence, I have hay fever.
27:12They were plastic roses.
27:18Anyone remaining?
27:19She loves letters from the alphabet.
27:21She even has, like, six different ones in her name.
27:23Here's Danielle.
27:26Could the password be password?
27:29I will accept that password.
27:31Open sesame.
27:32Come on in.
27:33Bong.
27:34Tom.
27:35Gleeson.
27:36Iz.
27:36A.
27:37Mongoose.
27:37Toyfish.
27:38Fungus.
27:39Willipad.
27:40Ulysses.
27:40Butterfly.
27:41Roses.
27:42Dad.
27:43Wrench.
27:44E.P.S.
27:45Q.
27:46Quoll.
27:47Nickel.
27:47Yabby.
27:48Jupiter.
27:49Human.
27:49Budgerigar.
27:50No.
27:51Oh.
27:51I can't tell if there's any connection between all of the things.
28:01Guava.
28:02Pecan.
28:03France.
28:03No.
28:04Oh, what the hell?
28:06Chair.
28:06Trawler.
28:07Prawn.
28:08Boat.
28:09Reef.
28:10Parrotfish.
28:11Shrimp.
28:12Krill.
28:12Bow.
28:13Bum.
28:14Burrow.
28:14Highland.
28:15Northern hairy nose.
28:16Roomba.
28:17A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, H, I, J, E.
28:24I'm out.
28:27Rooster is a guess.
28:28Nope.
28:29Steam.
28:30No.
28:30That's so raven.
28:31No.
28:31Heath urban.
28:32No.
28:32Kangaroo.
28:33No.
28:33No.
28:35Subaru.
28:35No.
28:36Chrysalis.
28:37No.
28:37Oh, my God.
28:40Taika Waititi.
28:41I don't even know how to tell you to say his name, goddammit.
28:46Mars.
28:48Uranus.
28:49Venus.
28:50I'll accept that password.
28:52Venus.
28:53H-I-J.
28:54Nothing.
28:55Weird order.
28:56The order doesn't matter.
28:57The order doesn't matter.
28:59What is this?
29:01A crayfish.
29:02Fishing rod.
29:03Sarchopath.
29:03Kaka.
29:04Mocachino.
29:06Huh.
29:07I'll just read you what I've got here.
29:08Yep.
29:08So these are the correct guesses so far.
29:11Ah.
29:11Bongalongalong.
29:12Comealong.
29:13Dad.
29:14EPSQ.
29:14Fungus.
29:15Gleeson.
29:16Human.
29:16Is.
29:17Jupiter.
29:18Koi fish.
29:18Lily pad.
29:19Mongoose.
29:20Nickel.
29:20Open sesame.
29:21Password.
29:22Quol.
29:22Roses.
29:23Sugar cane.
29:23Tom.
29:24Ulysses.
29:25Venus.
29:25Wrench.
29:26And Yabby.
29:27But I've said other things that are alive.
29:31Goddammit.
29:32Goddammit.
29:33Is this going to be so obvious and I'm going to freaking kick myself?
29:37Two more out of 26 to go.
29:39I don't understand this game.
29:42Two more out of 26 to go.
29:44I wonder if this is about to help me.
29:47I have no idea.
29:48How did I get here?
29:53Um, taco.
29:55What about army worm?
29:57Two more out of 26 to go.
29:59Two more out of 26 to go.
30:05Oh no, I think I've just...
30:07Oh no!
30:0926 letters in the alphabet.
30:10F***ing Jesus Christ.
30:13I'm a f***ing...
30:14I can tell you what it's left!
30:20Ha ha ha!
30:22Oh!
30:24I have no idea what ones I've gotten to xylophone!
30:28I will accept that password.
30:30Never!
30:31I will accept that password.
30:33What the hell?
30:36What the freaking hell, dude?
30:39Oh!
30:40I don't know if they're two alphabets.
30:42It makes a deck cards.
30:4426 to go.
30:4426 to go.
30:4550 to go.
30:4550 to go.
30:46Ah!
30:46Ah!
30:47Ah!
30:47Ah!
30:48Ah!
30:48Ah!
30:48Ah!
30:49Ah!
30:49Ah!
30:50Ah!
30:50Ah!
30:51Ah!
30:51Ah!
30:52Ah!
30:52Ah!
30:53Ah!
30:53Ah!
30:54Ah!
30:54Ah!
30:55Ah!
30:55Ah!
30:56Ah!
30:56Ah!
30:57Ah!
30:58Ah!
30:58Ah!
30:59Ah!
30:59Ah!
31:00Ah!
31:00Ah!
31:01Ah!
31:01Ah!
31:13Ah!
31:14Um.
31:15I'm crying again.
31:17I know.
31:23Even though it's not, are you okay day, I feel like I have to ask you, are you okay?
31:29No, that genuinely broke my brain.
31:33I couldn't work it out.
31:35And I just kept on being like, I said koi fish.
31:43Mongoose.
31:43That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life.
31:48I think one of my favourite moments was when Tom Cashman
31:52listed all your answers in alphabetical order.
31:55And then what did you say?
31:56You said, yeah, not all of them are alive.
31:59I don't know what my theories were, but I had lots of different theories.
32:03Well, that clip took longer to edit than all the Matrix films.
32:07It was a really big job.
32:08And after all that, you dropped a rose.
32:11I did?
32:12No, you didn't.
32:13Oh, thank God.
32:15I double-checked.
32:16I know, no, you didn't.
32:17I just wanted to see the look on your face.
32:20Do you want to know how long you took?
32:21I hate to ask, yes, but how many guesses was it?
32:24503.
32:25I was thinking when I heard Julia's, I was like, maybe I won't come last.
32:32I think Luke McGregor's an easy disqualified.
32:34Yes.
32:34You only put 24 roses in the vase.
32:36That was pretty clear.
32:37You've got to put 26 in there.
32:38Can you score the rest of them?
32:40So we've got Luke with zero, Danielle with two somehow,
32:43Julia with three, Jimmy with four,
32:45and the winner of the task is Nina with five points.
32:47And would you look at that, it's time for another break.
32:53We'll be back with more Taskmaster.
32:54Welcome back to Taskmaster.
33:07Who will win Luke McGregor's embarrassingly expensive Ghostbusters gun?
33:11Tom Cashman, what have you got?
33:13It's a team task filmed at our Taskmaster retreat.
33:16Or was it the Plains of the Serengeti?
33:18Woo!
33:32Yay!
33:33Hi, Tom, we made it.
33:34Woo!
33:36Okay.
33:37I see, I see.
33:38This is a bubble bath.
33:39There's actually little bubbles in here.
33:41Here it is.
33:41Oh.
33:42Give it a go?
33:43Give it a some, yeah.
33:44Eww!
33:46Okay.
33:46Get the giraffe in the bath.
33:48If you touch grass, or the giraffe touches grass,
33:52or you touch the giraffe, you must start again.
33:56Faster swings.
33:57Your time starts now.
33:58I've got so many questions.
33:59What do you think?
33:59Like, where's the giraffe?
34:00It's over there.
34:01Oh, is it, babe?
34:02Yay!
34:03Yeah.
34:03So should we do that?
34:05Love it.
34:06Could we attach these to our feet and use them as shoes instead of doing that?
34:10That's a way better idea.
34:11And then we take this.
34:13Like that, and it might...
34:14Take it with us, and I'll bring this one with us, will I?
34:16Beautiful, yeah.
34:17I'll see you over there.
34:18Oh, my gosh, you're faster than a rat up a drain pipe, doll.
34:22Right.
34:24The bad improv group is back.
34:27Great to see.
34:27Yes, and that's really mean.
34:31Well, you just look like three friends with an unbreakable bond,
34:34and then the other two look like two people had clearly met that day.
34:37So all they have to do is get the giraffe in the bath without touching the giraffe,
34:44or touching grass, and the giraffe is not allowed to touch grass.
34:47If any of those three things happen, they have to go back to the beginning.
34:50Would you like to see the first team try?
34:51Yep.
34:52Who's first?
34:53It's Danielle and Julia.
34:54Oh, tell you what, shake him, baby, you won't break him.
35:02So we can't touch the giraffe, and the giraffe can't touch grass?
35:06Yes, well, he shouldn't.
35:08He doesn't have the mental capacity.
35:09Now I feel like I want to put him in this.
35:14This?
35:14Because we're not allowed to touch him, are we?
35:16We can't touch him, no.
35:17So then...
35:19Oh, wait, wait, wait.
35:20We don't have to use these things.
35:21Babes, tell me.
35:22So we can go get a sheet from inside?
35:24Oh, my God, let's get a sheet!
35:25It's actually just a really good life lesson, don't touch grass.
35:28Oh, yeah.
35:29Here we go.
35:31Tell you what, I was pretty sure this is where my career was headed.
35:35Oh, yeah.
35:36Yeah.
35:36This is...
35:37It's not going to get any better than this, mate.
35:38No.
35:39So we need to take the sheet off or just get him in there?
35:41I think we'll just put him in.
35:42All right, bubs.
35:43Have a lovely bath, babe.
35:45Da, da, ba, ba, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, la, la, la, la.
35:51Oh, oh, ah, ah, ah.
35:54Woo!
35:55Ooh.
35:56I love you.
35:58Just like that, Tom.
36:00Just like that.
36:01Yeah.
36:02Um, great to see the dance again.
36:05And still, no points.
36:08If you have just tuned in a couple of weeks ago,
36:10we split them into two different teams
36:12and one team, we told, had to do a bonus task of a dance,
36:16every team task, and the other team doesn't.
36:19LAUGHTER
36:20So every time we do team tasks, Julia and Danielle,
36:25do a dance that doesn't matter.
36:27LAUGHTER
36:27Now, Julia, do you agree that you thrive most
36:32when you're paired with someone competent?
36:34LAUGHTER
36:35Yeah.
36:36I had a very strong idea that Danielle had a lot of better ideas than me,
36:40so that just seemed like the...
36:41She hadn't seen me do the other tasks.
36:43LAUGHTER
36:44I feel like you're a match made in heaven, actually.
36:47Yeah, we are.
36:48Yeah, we are a dream team.
36:49Because, Danielle, you're very concerned with getting the task right
36:52to the point where sometimes you forget to be entertaining.
36:54LAUGHTER
36:54Because you're so focused, you don't say anything.
36:57Oh, yeah.
36:57And then Julia is so busy entertaining,
36:59she forgets to do the task.
37:00Yeah, that's true.
37:02That's true.
37:02I thought maybe she'd been given a task to sabotage sometimes.
37:05LAUGHTER
37:06I said, no, that is just my...
37:09That's just my nature.
37:10How'd they go?
37:11Danielle and Julia took eight minutes and one second.
37:14Ooh!
37:16OK, you probably have time for a quick bath yourselves,
37:19assuming you can knock one out in three minutes.
37:22We're taking a break.
37:23See you very soon.
37:24APPLAUSE
37:25Look, I know you're watching it now,
37:34but how about watching more later?
37:35Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
37:38of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes at 10play.com.au
37:42or the 10play app.
37:43APPLAUSE
37:44Welcome back to Taskmaster.
37:51It's the fifth part of the fifth episode.
37:53What are we doing, Tom Cashman?
37:55Be specific.
37:55We're putting a giraffe in a bath without touching grass,
37:58and the first team were fine, I suppose.
38:01It's difficult to know what the standards should be.
38:03OK, shall we watch the other team then?
38:05It's Jimmy, Luke and Nina.
38:06LAUGHTER
38:07OK, I have another idea.
38:10OK, another one.
38:11Put the giraffe on this, tie this to the bike,
38:14and somebody rides the bike and drags this across.
38:17That's a fantastic idea.
38:19So we've got to get there, but then you've got to not touch
38:21the floor of the booth.
38:21We've got shoes, then we're fine.
38:23We've got shoes.
38:23I'll soon be able to go wherever I want.
38:26Look at these idiots.
38:27Let's spend three minutes building shoes.
38:30OK, off you go, mate.
38:31See you later.
38:32See you soon.
38:32Thank you, buddy.
38:33OK, you ready to pick it up from each side?
38:37Guys, I've got some shoes as well.
38:39I'm just going to come and help.
38:40Yeah, baby.
38:41So I can't come back.
38:43That's right, we don't need you.
38:44I can.
38:44Yeah, but you can.
38:45Do you have pants on?
38:46I'm going to tie this.
38:48OK, sorry.
38:48I took my pants off to just...
38:50I was like...
38:51Nina has touched grass.
38:53No!
38:56Please return to the bath.
38:57Sorry, everybody.
38:58Look how cool he looks on the bike, though.
39:00So, Nina, you hang here and we'll get you to transfer the giraffe to the bike.
39:05Can you get its leg over the...
39:07Lifting a giraffe is a man's job.
39:09On the handle?
39:10Yeah.
39:11I want to see the giraffe's head.
39:12It's worth it for the...
39:14Yeah.
39:16We're coming.
39:17The giraffe has touched grass.
39:20Where?
39:22That's a lie.
39:23Please return to the bath.
39:25You are kidding.
39:27You're a...
39:27You're a liar, Tom.
39:28I think we need to knock out Tom.
39:29That's a good strategy.
39:30We could just carry it.
39:31Carry it.
39:31Yeah.
39:32All right, let's go.
39:33Sorry, Nina.
39:34Who are you?
39:34That's OK.
39:35I'll just wait for my boys to come back from the giraffe.
39:39Very well.
39:39Very well.
39:41Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
39:44Like touch the grass.
39:47Touch the grass with your hand.
39:49Oh, for God's sake.
39:50Please return to the bath.
39:51I'm quite enjoying this.
39:52Can we just touch the grass a few more times?
39:54That giraffe really needs a bath.
39:55It does.
39:56OK.
39:57All right.
39:57I can't go back to the bath again.
39:59We're not going to.
40:00We'll use these.
40:00We'll just hold each other side of these.
40:02Gotcha.
40:02It's not going to tip a sorus on it, is it?
40:04No, that's when Nina comes in.
40:05She stabilises.
40:06Oh!
40:06Nina, touch the grass with her foot.
40:12I'm so sorry.
40:13Please return to the bath.
40:14OK.
40:15Let's make a pact to not have to go back to the bath again.
40:18OK.
40:19Man, the zoos do this all the time.
40:21Our last couple of plans were very sexist, so this is...
40:23Nina, you stay there.
40:25We've got this.
40:25Here we go.
40:26OK, hold on.
40:27You good?
40:27It's good.
40:28Going this way.
40:29Yeah.
40:29And we're in the bath.
40:30We're in the bath.
40:30Holy shit.
40:33Great work, Tim.
40:36Having more people is supposed to be an advantage.
40:40I think you were at your best when Nina wasn't contributing.
40:44I would disagree, because when we got the giraffe in the bath,
40:47that was a group effort.
40:47Right.
40:48You couldn't have done it without me.
40:49You needed all three.
40:50I like the way that you say, we needed all three people,
40:53after you just watched two people do it on their own.
40:57I definitely had the thought of just going up.
40:59I could just do this by myself.
41:02I just want to say, I never had that thought.
41:04I was like, I need two strong boys and a giraffe.
41:08This team took a total of 22 minutes and 42 seconds.
41:12I think Julia and Danielle both get five points.
41:14That's an easy choice.
41:16Did a great job.
41:17The bad improv group gets two points, I think.
41:20Two points each.
41:23How's our episode scoreboard looking?
41:25So in last place with eight points, we have Luke.
41:27And in the lead, it's Julia with 15 points.
41:32Let's settle it then.
41:33Off your backsides and up on stage, it's time for a live task.
41:38Get up there.
41:39Up your dick.
41:42I'm deeply intrigued.
41:43What's going on here?
41:45Nina, could you please read the task?
41:46OK.
41:48As a team, use your own shadows to spell Taskmaster.
41:54You must spell one letter at a time.
41:57A letter will be captured every 10 seconds.
42:01Every team member must contribute to every letter.
42:04The best team Taskmaster wins.
42:06The picture of your first letter will be taken exactly 10 seconds
42:09after Tom Cashman blows his whistle.
42:11OK.
42:13Conciding.
42:16Come forward, thank you.
42:18There's a team.
42:23Hold it, hold it.
42:30Let's go!
42:34Woo!
42:35Woo!
42:36Woo!
42:37OK, OK, OK.
42:39Come forward, come forward.
42:40There we go, is it that way?
42:42M, M, that's it.
42:44Okay, I'll go in the middle, I guess.
42:46Yeah!
42:48Just go inside!
42:52The bad improv group
42:54are doing what they do best.
43:00What on earth is Luke doing?
43:02Mark!
43:04Mark!
43:06Mark!
43:08No, no, no, we can't see you!
43:10We can't see you!
43:16Oh, okay, I'm gonna resist.
43:22We'll be back with the hotly anticipated results.
43:24See you after the break.
43:26Welcome back to Taskmaster.
43:38That's Taskmaster spelled T-A-S-K-M-A-S-T-E-R.
43:42Which are all the letters that these five fully grown adults have been contorting their bodies to spell.
43:50Shall we take a look at the results?
43:52Let's see Jimmy, Luke and Nina first.
44:04Yeah, I'll be honest with you, I'm using the letters underneath it to read it.
44:08It kind of just does look like you're looking through the window of a gymnastics studio.
44:16What's going on there in the second S?
44:20Are you taking something out or putting it back in?
44:24I just want it to be useful.
44:27I'll be honest with you, I'm not happy about that at all.
44:30Would you like to see the next one?
44:32Uh, yeah.
44:33I'm sure that has to be better.
44:42Okay, um, I think we need to focus on...
44:47What's happening with the K?
44:49It looks like you're in Germany in 1940.
44:53You look like you're a Nazi man, yes.
44:59The first S, by the way, looks like you've had a very unfortunate accident in Bali.
45:09Yeah, well I think I'm ready to score.
45:11They're both terrible.
45:13But I found Julia and Danielle's teams slightly more amusing.
45:19So I'm thinking I'm going to give Julia and Danielle two.
45:22They both get two.
45:23The bad improv troupe, they get one.
45:25One.
45:28So, has that done anything for moving and or shaking our scoreboard for the night?
45:32Yeah, it's added one to some of them and two to some of the others.
45:36What about the totals?
45:37Oh, the totals.
45:38Yeah, the totals.
45:39The winner of the episode is Julia Morris.
45:41Let's have a seat.
45:45Congratulations, Julia.
45:46Five very pretentious items coming your way.
45:48You can take them home, put them in your house and look at them through a monocle while wearing a top hat.
45:53Do whatever you want.
45:55They're yours.
45:56Get up on stage and claim your pretentious bounty.
46:00Five episodes down and we are halfway through our inaugural season.
46:05And while there is only one winner, the rest of us walk away with something even more pretentious.
46:10Knowledge.
46:11Tonight, we learned that popcorn is generally inedible when drowned in toilet water.
46:17We learned about the unique bathing habits of the East African giraffe.
46:21But importantly, however, we learned our episode five winner is Julia.
46:27Make her feel loved for about 30 more seconds by clapping loudly.
46:31We'll see you next week with more Cast Life Australia.
46:34It wasn't part of the task. We didn't need to show that.
46:53Send it!
46:55That even made me feel ill.
46:57You're wasting my time.
46:58This is a bad idea.
46:59Luke sent you to bash me.
47:00I thought you did a really good job.
47:01You never say that. That's really nice.