Sergeant. (1958 film)

deaddogsmoking

Sergeant Grimshawe wants to retire in the flush of success by winning the Star Squad prize with his very last platoon of newly called-up National Servicemen.  William Hartnell ... Sergeant Grimshawe Shirley Eaton ... Mary Sage Eric Barker ... Captain Potts Dora Bryan ... Norah Bill Owen ... Corporal Bill Copping Charles Hawtrey ... Peter Golightly Kenneth Connor ... Horace Strong Kenneth Williams ... James Bailey Terence Longdon ... Miles Heywood Norman Rossington ... Herbert Brown Gerald Campion ... Andy Calloway Hattie Jacques ... Captain Clark Cyril Chamberlain ... Gun Sergeant Arnold Diamond ... Fifth Specialist Gordon Tanner ... First Specialist Martin Boddey ... Sixth Specialist Frank Forsyth ... Second Specialist Ian Whittaker ... Medical Corporal Basil Dignam ... Third Specialist Anthony Sagar ... Stores Sergeant John Gatrell ... Fourth Specialist Alec Bregonzi ... First Storesman Graham Stewart ... Second Storesman Alexander Harris ... Third Storesman Pat Feeney ... Fourth Storesman Terry Scott ... Sergeant Paddy O'Brien Edward Judd ... Fifth Storesman John Mathews ... Sergeant Matthews(as John Matthews) Ronald Clarke ... Sixth Storesman Ed Devereaux ... Sergeant Russell(as Edward Devereaux) David Williams ... Seventh Storesman Leigh Madison ... Sheila Bernard Kay ... Injured Recruit Jack Smethurst ... First Recruit Haydn Ward ... Eighth Recruit Brian Jackson ... Second Recruit Graydon Gould ... Ninth Recruit Don McCorkindale ... Third Recruit Jeremy Dempster ... Tenth Recruit Leon Eagles ... Fourth Recruit Terry Dickinson ... Eleventh Recruit(as Terry Dickenson) Malcolm Webster ... Fifth Recruit Henry Livings ... Twelfth Recruit Patrick Durkin ... Sixth Recruit Derek Martinus ... Recruit James Villiers ... Seventh Recruit Michael Hunt ... Fourteenth Recruit Bob Monkhouse ... Charlie Sage John Bailey ... Wedding Guest Hyma Beckley ... Wedding Guest Ernest Blyth ... Wedding Guest Rodney Cardiff ... New Recruit Ivor Danvers ... Recruit Nicholas Donnelly ... Recruit Ernest Fennemore ... New Recruit Bernard Foreman ... Lance Corporal Helen Goss ... Mary's Mum Victor Hagan ... Wedding Guest Laurence Harrington ... Recruit Norman Hartley ... Thirteenth Recruit Ken Hutchins ... Soldier Gerry Judge ... Wedding Guest John Ketteringham ... Wedding Gues Benny Lee ... Recruit Mary Maxfield ... Wedding Guest Don McMurray ... New Recruit Tony Mendleson ... Wedding Guest Jimmy Millar ... Sergeant John Payne ... Soldier on Sick Parade Joe Phelps ... Corporal Arnold Schulkes ... New Recruit Bunny Seaman ... Wedding Guest Reg Thomason ... Soldier Bob Wright ... New Recruit Martin Wyldeck ... Mr. Sage  Director: Gerald Thomas

Transcript

00:00:00Congratulations. May all your troubles be little ones, and remember the first ten years

00:00:16are the worst with love from Granny. In accordance with warning notice already sent you, you

00:00:23are required to report to Heathercress National Service Depot. Charlie, it's your call-up.

00:00:31What do you mean, my call-up? But it's our wedding day. How can it be my call-up, Dad? You sent

00:00:36off an application for a 28-day extension for the wedding. Didn't you? Me? No, you did.

00:00:41I asked you to do it. No, you didn't. You said you would. Why doesn't somebody do something?

00:00:53Ah! Police! Police, a draft! But it's stifling in here. Police, my eardrums are very thin,

00:01:11very weak, and I'll leave suspicion of a draft and I'm finished. Cool. Oh, thanks, mate.

00:01:20Ah! Don't! Now what? Please. Do you mind not smoking? It affects me. I've got a weak stomach.

00:01:29Oh, look, you have a Katar pastel. I haven't got Katar. You don't know your limit, mate.

00:01:36You going to hospital? Into the army. The army? Yeah. So am I. How'd you pass the medical?

00:01:45Medical influence? Medical. A farce. A criminal farce. A one. Me. A flaming one. Army doctors.

00:01:58I'll tell you, mate. Two of everything you should have, two of, and you're in.

00:02:02We don't deserve your congratulations. It was luck. Pure luck. What a lot of rubbish.

00:02:21Luck doesn't enter into it. Sure it does, Grimmy. Take you now. Six years of training sergeant.

00:02:27I never had a champion platoon. It's bad luck. Oh, no, it isn't.

00:02:30Listen, Paddy. Every man has the instinct of soldiering in him. Right?

00:02:36Right enough. Well, you've all done it. You've all had a champion platoon at one time or another.

00:02:40So shall I, with my next platoon. Why, what's the hurry?

00:02:43Well, it's my last platoon. I'll be leaving the army in ten weeks, and it's my last chance.

00:02:47Don't set your heart on it. Now, listen, sound muscle. Well, I want your advice.

00:02:51Do you like to bet on it? Well, I don't bet as a rule.

00:02:53I'm not scared. Not a bit of it. All right. Fifty quid says no champion platoon.

00:02:58Come, Grimshaw, sir. Can I give you a lift to the mess, sir?

00:03:24Well, that's extremely civil of you, sergeant. Thank you, sir.

00:03:32Let me take the bag, sir.

00:03:33Thank you, sergeant.

00:03:37Bye, darling.

00:03:41Oh, very nice place you have here, sergeant.

00:03:43Finest depot in the command, sir.

00:03:45That's encouraging.

00:03:54Oh, sergeant, where do I report?

00:04:02That's the officer's mess over there, sir.

00:04:04Hmm, very nice, too, but I happen to be a national serviceman.

00:04:08Get in the back of that truck, will you?

00:04:10First!

00:04:11Thank you, sergeant.

00:04:12Charlie!

00:04:21Charlie!

00:04:22Did you see?

00:04:23What?

00:04:24Did you hear?

00:04:24What?

00:04:25Where?

00:04:26She called to me from a laundry van.

00:04:31Look, look.

00:04:32Keep calm, Charlie boy.

00:04:34Look.

00:04:34Just a little while longer, eh?

00:04:36You'll see the MO.

00:04:37Oh, stop pawing me.

00:04:38I'm not ill.

00:04:38I did see her.

00:04:39Go round the back.

00:05:05Go on.

00:05:06Round the side.

00:05:07Go on.

00:05:09Yes, and about time to, hon, thank you.

00:05:16You're the new girl, aren't you?

00:05:18You're the manageress?

00:05:19No, I'm Nora.

00:05:21My name's Mary.

00:05:23I don't care what your name is, as long as you can cut chips.

00:05:26Your overall's in that cupboard.

00:05:29Thanks.

00:05:29Here, where's your labour exchange card?

00:05:42It's coming in the post.

00:05:43Don't you know how it works, love?

00:06:02Yes.

00:06:02Oh, I'm not really the new girl.

00:06:11But please don't give me away.

00:06:13Please help me.

00:06:14Oh, there, there, love.

00:06:15Come on.

00:06:15Tell Nora all about it.

00:06:17Now, look.

00:06:18You've got to face up to it.

00:06:19You are an obsessional with visual complications.

00:06:22Look, once and for all, I got married this morning.

00:06:24There was a muddle over my deferment.

00:06:26Now, Mary must have followed me to the cabin.

00:06:29She's a very, very determined girl.

00:06:31Well, personally, chaps, I believe him.

00:06:34Please.

00:06:35Do you mind belting up?

00:06:37You don't know nothing about psychiatry?

00:06:39Possibly not, but I do know a little bit about women.

00:06:41You know, there's certain chaps, old boy.

00:06:43We're always being chased by women.

00:06:45I know exactly how you feel.

00:06:47Judging by their names, they should be a fine lot.

00:06:50There's a lot in a man's name, Corporal.

00:06:52Give him character.

00:06:57Strong, Sage, Bailey, Haywood, Galloway.

00:07:01Go Lightly.

00:07:02Go Lightly?

00:07:03Go Lightly.

00:07:04What's in her name?

00:07:06Corporal Coppin, you know how much depends on his success at this platoon, don't you?

00:07:1050 quid, Sergeant.

00:07:11That's only money.

00:07:12It is my reputation, and perhaps your recommendation for promotion when I leave,

00:07:17and possibly a slight percentage for you if I win.

00:07:21When you win, Sergeant?

00:07:23That's the spirit, Coppin.

00:07:24Now, let's have a look at our champion platoon, shall we?

00:07:31March to be a bitch!

00:07:40All right, that is, lads.

00:07:44I'm Sam Grimshaw, and this is Corporal Coppin.

00:07:47Right?

00:07:53Now, I'm a quiet, reasonable, humane man.

00:07:56I know.

00:07:58My mother told me.

00:08:00Oh, yes, I had a mother and a father, even though I'm a sergeant.

00:08:04And there's only one thing that rubs me up the wrong way,

00:08:06and that's a man that doesn't pull his weight in my platoon.

00:08:09In that respect, I'm a veritable Jekyll and Hyde.

00:08:14But somehow, looking around me,

00:08:16I don't think that nasty side of my character is going to rouse itself this time.

00:08:20I judge a body of men on sight.

00:08:22And I don't mind hitting you lads.

00:08:25I feel distinctly encouraged at the prospects.

00:08:28Don't disappoint me.

00:08:31Right, any questions?

00:08:32Can I report sick, please?

00:08:42What's your name?

00:08:43Strong.

00:08:45How is Strong?

00:08:47Corporal Coppin?

00:08:48Target!

00:08:50Private, uh...

00:08:55Strong.

00:08:57On sick report tomorrow.

00:08:58Anybody else?

00:08:59Please, sir.

00:09:04And don't call me sir.

00:09:06Sound to you.

00:09:07You feeling sick too?

00:09:08Oh, no, sergeant.

00:09:10I want some leave.

00:09:11Leave?

00:09:12Why, you've only just arrived, son.

00:09:13Oh, but it's vital, sergeant.

00:09:15Compassionate.

00:09:15You see, what happened...

00:09:16All right, all right.

00:09:17You don't have to tell the world.

00:09:18Cop in.

00:09:18Sergeant!

00:09:19This man to see the company commander.

00:09:21Oh, thank you, sergeant.

00:09:23Not now!

00:09:24When you're sent for.

00:09:24Get back in line.

00:09:25But, sergeant...

00:09:26Quiet!

00:09:27I never did.

00:09:39What's that?

00:09:40Haven't you ever seen a guitar before, sergeant?

00:09:43Where you been living?

00:09:44Right here, you numbskull.

00:09:46Where you're going to live for the next ten weeks.

00:09:47With that banjo out of sight.

00:09:49Banjo?

00:09:50Yes, out of sight.

00:09:50Understand?

00:09:52I dig.

00:09:53You dig, all right.

00:09:54I'll see to that.

00:09:57We've met.

00:09:58Yes, sergeant.

00:09:59And no more sky-locking, right?

00:10:01Who you're for it?

00:10:01Got it?

00:10:02Yes.

00:10:03Sergeant.

00:10:04Corporal!

00:10:08Sergeant!

00:10:09Empty bed!

00:10:10What's that man?

00:10:10Uh, I don't know, sergeant.

00:10:12What's his name?

00:10:13His name's Go-Lightley.

00:10:14I might have known it.

00:10:14Find him!

00:10:15Sergeant!

00:10:16Go-Lightley!

00:10:17Sergeant, Jabba!

00:10:18Find him!

00:10:19Go-Lightley!

00:10:20I'm so sorry.

00:10:22Hello.

00:10:23Did someone call?

00:10:24Go-Lightley!

00:10:25Where have you been?

00:10:26Must I say?

00:10:28Come here!

00:10:30Thank you, Jabba!

00:10:31Come here!

00:10:32Come here!

00:10:34Where have you been?

00:10:39Well, I got locked in somewhere.

00:10:42You see, I...

00:10:43Oh, dear.

00:10:44Have you hurt yourself?

00:10:45I've got some lotion here from...

00:10:46Quiet, none of you!

00:10:48Oh, do stop shouting, please.

00:10:56You there!

00:10:57You'd better mark a dress to me.

00:10:58Stand with me.

00:10:59Stand with me when I'm talking!

00:11:00Why?

00:11:01Why?

00:11:02Don't ask why!

00:11:03Do as you're told, you're in the army, son.

00:11:04Oh, not quite.

00:11:05I'm still a civilian.

00:11:06With civilian rights.

00:11:07Now, don't shout, please.

00:11:08Don't shout, please.

00:11:09What is your name?

00:11:09Please.

00:11:10Bailey.

00:11:11James Bailey.

00:11:12How do you do?

00:11:13Fine.

00:11:13Absolutely bloody fine.

00:11:14But I feel even better once you're in uniform.

00:11:16Thank you, Sergeant.

00:11:17All right, carry on, corporal.

00:11:21As you were...

00:11:33The sergeant doesn't seem to like us.

00:11:43the sergeant doesn't seem to like us I wonder why I don't know once it happened

00:11:49to me isn't there any justice oh you don't want to worry sergeant it'll be

00:11:53all right it'll be what you were there you saw them out of 24 men I'm lumbered

00:11:58with one hypochondriac one natural born candidate with a glass house a rock

00:12:02and roller a shadow a man haunted by Lord knows what and a popsy-chasing

00:12:06layabout and some lethal idiot who gets himself locked in well you know where

00:12:09yes but I mean look any one of those clots could sabotage a squad but I've got

00:12:14them all but we're 24 percent non effective before we start how in the

00:12:19name of water shot can it work out I mean it's got to your reputation depends on

00:12:23my reputation my foot what about my 50 quid riding on that lot eh yeah that's

00:12:29true oh well there's only one thing for it we'll have to chase the lip in daylight

00:12:33oh no no no that's no good that'd be fatal half the mob in the guard room's no

00:12:37good to me yes but sergeant will you have us no coppin we've got to be subtle

00:12:43subtle they must be kind consider it kind yes these are delicate blooms coppin are

00:12:54they yes hello you must be the new lot greetings cat cat no my name's not cat are

00:13:05you in our platoon no not cat brown herbert brown what you say are you in our platoon no I just live

00:13:14here yeah I think I can understand it you were received a severe blow on the heat as a child

00:13:19didn't you no that was me brother Horace old man can't you forget psychiatry for one minute I

00:13:25was only trying to help him I don't need any help thanks well to our fellas see you at the naffy

00:13:32perhaps hello corp don't get lost yeah corporal who was that soldier yeah that was no soldier that

00:13:40was herbert I give up no worry so did the army here we are just help yourself thank you

00:13:49I wonder where Charlie's got to with his wife of course but we'll find a way okay mate you don't

00:13:58really think that that woman's on this tab do you I tell you it's just an hallucination we know all

00:14:03right all right you can laugh we should never have let him go he's probably cutting his throat now

00:14:09bleeding to death in the ablutions I hope not I have to sluice them out every morning

00:14:14I'll clean up everywhere in the camp that's me job are you a regular no national service here

00:14:21what about your training don't do it anymore I haven't done it for months oh I don't want to

00:14:28try again again how many courses have you been through three I think but now look there's my

00:14:38excuse webbing chit me excuse matching chit excused angling of firearms chit chit for blimey you're just a

00:14:48heap of chits well go on say it I'm crackers no luck does it look as if I've had any luck this place

00:15:04is vast trapped over every inch of it not so much as a lock of a hair well go on say it no crackers

00:15:12it was all my imagination oh well now this is a great step forward Charlie boy you see now that

00:15:21you realize there's something wrong with you whoa there's a chance of a cure yes now you are a uh

00:15:28you are a maniac obsessed with the idea of marriage wouldn't you be if you were married this morning

00:15:34oh shut up please who's this that's Herbert hello Herbert hi let's get drunk dangerous dangerous

00:15:42cool drinking on top of an obsession why don't you shut up

00:15:47it's her it's Mary it's up again stop it Charlie Mary oh Charlie don't worry miss I'll take care of

00:16:04him very sad case he's very very unbalanced don't you talk that way about my husband husband good night

00:16:12Horace anything I can do for you soldier

00:16:32but darling how on earth did you get here never mind how I got here

00:16:37I'm here tonight's our wedding night you don't mean darling you don't think I came here just to

00:16:44become a nappy girl oh well no but but how where I mean there's over a dozen blokes in my hut

00:16:53Nora she's arranged everything who's Nora

00:16:56I'm in love congratulations must be the aura created by your happiness after three years wearing out my eyeballs

00:17:10looking at each lot of new recruits that comes in

00:17:13at last I found him we're very happy for you it was that chap that was with you

00:17:19Horace huh oh oh time stands still when I say that name not for Charlie and me it doesn't hey oh

00:17:30oh yes of course now listen it's all arranged there's a spare room but you've got to be ever so careful

00:17:45oh

00:17:48oh

00:17:54darling

00:17:55oh

00:17:56oh

00:18:00oh

00:18:02oh

00:18:02pretend you're asleep

00:18:04oh

00:18:06darling

00:18:06oh darling don't tease

00:18:10wouldn't you rather have the light on Charlie darling

00:18:12my

00:18:13oh

00:18:13because of people

00:18:14well

00:18:18I'm

00:18:21oh

00:18:23yeah

00:18:24I'm

00:18:28I'm

00:18:29I'm

00:18:31I'm

00:18:32going

00:18:33I'm

00:18:34I'm

00:18:35I'm

00:18:37I'm

00:18:38I'm

00:18:38Dashboard.

00:18:49Mary, darling.

00:19:08Right now, then, what's wrong with you?

00:19:17Yeah, it's my floating kneecap.

00:19:19Oh, well, take off your trousers.

00:19:20Ah, efficient.

00:19:22We do our best.

00:19:23Go in when you hear the bell.

00:19:24Right, O.

00:19:25What's wrong with you?

00:19:26Fell on me elbow.

00:19:27I don't think it's problem.

00:19:28Well, take off your tunic, then.

00:19:29Roll up your sleeves.

00:19:33Clean that up.

00:19:34What's the matter?

00:19:43Why didn't you warn me?

00:19:45Corporal, what's the matter with this man?

00:19:47I'm sorry, Captain Clark.

00:19:49Oh, no, that's a shock.

00:19:50Me heart, me heart, me heart.

00:19:51Hurry up, man, hurry up.

00:19:55I want to change my doctor.

00:19:57This isn't the National Health Service.

00:19:59Either you see Captain Clark or you don't report sick at all.

00:20:01It's up to you.

00:20:04Left, left.

00:20:20We off.

00:20:25Out.

00:20:27Out.

00:20:29Out.

00:20:34So sorry. I was miles away. You know how it is sometimes.

00:20:38Come back here, you stupid sleepwalking settlement!

00:20:43Delicate blues.

00:20:46Private, go lightly.

00:20:48Now, you really must try and concentrate from now on, right?

00:20:52Oh, yes. I'll try.

00:20:56All right, come in here and get your kit.

00:20:58This, this!

00:21:02Uh-uh.

00:21:02Uh-uh. Concentrate.

00:21:08Give this to the corporal on the way out.

00:21:10Oh, thank you, ma'am.

00:21:12You've come to the right place.

00:21:14Just in time.

00:21:15For physiotherapy?

00:21:16For physical jerks!

00:21:18Get on with your training, soldier.

00:21:20There's nothing wrong with your knee.

00:21:21But, ma'am, I can feel it floating.

00:21:24Let me know when you feel it sinking.

00:21:27Last one, get us two.

00:21:33Dressing, Phil, one.

00:21:35Do you all set it up there, three?

00:21:36Knives, class, one.

00:21:40Got everything?

00:21:42Right there.

00:21:43Do you all set it up there, three?

00:21:44I say, really? Does one have to?

00:21:47Yes, one does.

00:21:48Next.

00:21:50Knives, class, one.

00:21:51Oh, thank you.

00:21:53I say, look.

00:21:54A knife for getting things out of a horse's foot.

00:21:56I've always wanted one of these.

00:21:59Still dressing one.

00:22:00Size bed.

00:22:01I'm the friend's idea.

00:22:02I never wear a hat.

00:22:05Beg.

00:22:06Charming.

00:22:07Next.

00:22:08What else, wife?

00:22:11Housewife?

00:22:12Oh, Mary.

00:22:14That's the lot, boys.

00:22:15Tea break.

00:22:20What do you want?

00:22:21I want me kit, Sergeant.

00:22:22Why are you late?

00:22:23Well, I had to report sick.

00:22:26You fit now?

00:22:27The doctor says I am.

00:22:29She better be right.

00:22:31Why?

00:22:32Take a deep breath.

00:22:33You're about to become the fastest kitted out soldier in the British Army.

00:22:37Hey, boys.

00:22:38One recruit coming up.

00:22:39Full kit on the double before you go to tea.

00:22:46Okay, boys.

00:22:49Right.

00:22:49Let's go.

00:23:01Cool.

00:23:05Hey, mate.

00:23:07Hmm?

00:23:07Do me a favor, please.

00:23:09What's that?

00:23:09Point me in the direction of my barrack room.

00:23:14Char.

00:23:16Right.

00:23:26Left, right, left, right, left, right, right!

00:23:30What's the matter with you?

00:23:33Get each other like that man, will you?

00:23:36Platoon!

00:23:40Up!

00:23:43Stand still.

00:23:44What's the matter with that man?

00:23:46Moving about.

00:23:47What do you think it is?

00:23:47A dance floor?

00:23:49Platoon!

00:23:51Left!

00:23:52Tap!

00:23:56All presently correct, Sergeant.

00:23:57Get in!

00:24:03Stand at!

00:24:04Ace!

00:24:05Stand!

00:24:06Easy!

00:24:09Now, you're about to meet your company commander.

00:24:12Captain Ports.

00:24:15Some men live for drink, but some for women.

00:24:20And quite frankly, I don't know why some men bother to live at all.

00:24:25There's no doubt, however, why Captain Ports lives.

00:24:29It's for efficiency.

00:24:30He's known throughout the command as Ports are perfect.

00:24:34The perfect Ports!

00:24:36All right, that's enough, that's enough.

00:24:38Now, you lads are in uniform for the first time.

00:24:41And I think you'll all agree with me that you don't yet look like soldiers.

00:24:47It would be stupid of me to expect that.

00:24:49It would that.

00:24:50He's very fair.

00:24:50That man there!

00:24:54Private Goodlightly, someone should have told you.

00:24:56You're not to talk when you're on parade.

00:24:58It's not the custom.

00:24:59So don't do it.

00:25:00Understand?

00:25:01Oh, yes, I understand.

00:25:02Right.

00:25:05Now, where was I?

00:25:06What was I saying?

00:25:07How stupid you are!

00:25:08Stop talking on parade, will you?

00:25:10Or I'll carve the Queen's regulations all over your scalp.

00:25:13Didn't you hear what I just told you, Private Goodlightly?

00:25:15Right.

00:25:19Now, it would be nice, when Captain Pots arrives, if you could stand at ease and attention properly.

00:25:25Show him what you can do.

00:25:27Be efficient.

00:25:28So we'll try it once or twice, shall we?

00:25:30Go, bro!

00:25:33Demonstrate.

00:25:36Now, pay attention to all of you.

00:25:39Stand at ease!

00:25:42Attention!

00:25:42Oh, good.

00:25:45Very good.

00:25:48All right, Corporal.

00:25:52Now, let's see what you can do.

00:25:54Bedone!

00:25:55Place yourselves, place yourselves.

00:25:57Bedone!

00:25:58Return!

00:25:59Time!

00:26:01I'll be go lightly.

00:26:03Don't go quite so lightly next time.

00:26:05Very good.

00:26:07Joke's over, joke's over.

00:26:10Bedone!

00:26:11Stand on!

00:26:13Ace!

00:26:15At hand!

00:26:17Time!

00:26:22Get up, you clumsy, quarter-wicked, half-baked mooncalf!

00:26:26One more hematocke move like that and I'll...

00:26:28Ah, fifty quid.

00:26:30Delicate blooms.

00:26:33All right, now.

00:26:34Here comes Captain Pots.

00:26:36Do your best, lads.

00:26:37Probably it is.

00:26:40Get home!

00:26:41All right, Harry!

00:26:42All right, Harry!

00:26:43All right, Harry!

00:26:57Well, all of you are half asleep.

00:26:59Like a lot of flamingos.

00:27:01Not half as clever.

00:27:04Flamingos go to sleep on one leg.

00:27:05You lot are all asleep on two.

00:27:07How many legs does a flamingo go to sleep on?

00:27:10And...

00:27:10Slow, slow!

00:27:11Quick, quick, slow.

00:27:13Silence.

00:27:14Alert mind plus responsive body equals efficient soldier.

00:27:17Who are you?

00:27:23Galloway, sir.

00:27:24That's a useless answer.

00:27:25Two factors omitted, number and rank.

00:27:27Soldier without a number and rank like a man without a cell.

00:27:29Try again.

00:27:29Who are you?

00:27:304-2-7-3-0-9, private Galloway, sir.

00:27:32What, no Christian name, a heathen?

00:27:34Andy.

00:27:34A.

00:27:35Slow.

00:27:36Watch this, man, Sergeant.

00:27:37Slow with it.

00:27:37Stand at height.

00:27:39John.

00:27:40That is.

00:27:40John.

00:27:41That is.

00:27:41John.

00:27:42That is.

00:27:42John.

00:27:43Still in dreamland.

00:27:44You dream?

00:27:45Yes, sir.

00:27:46What about?

00:27:46Blood.

00:27:47Whose?

00:27:48Mine.

00:27:48Timorous spirit of aggression is rising here, Sergeant.

00:27:51You should dream of the enemy's blood.

00:27:52Now then, close your eyes.

00:27:53What's the first thing that comes into your head?

00:27:54Blood.

00:27:55Whose?

00:27:55Yours.

00:27:55Fine.

00:27:56What?

00:27:57Mine, sir.

00:27:57The enemy's.

00:27:58Indecisive.

00:27:59Try sleeping on your stomach.

00:28:00Proper rest plus grated exercise equals integrated instincts.

00:28:05Who are you?

00:28:064-2-7-3-1-2, private Sage C, sir.

00:28:08Now say it backwards.

00:28:10Come on, come on, come on.

00:28:113-1-2-7-3-7.

00:28:14If you can't think backwards, how do you expect that?

00:28:16Think the proper way.

00:28:17Watch this, man, Sergeant.

00:28:18Regimental processes achieve flexibility.

00:28:20Flexibility plus discipline equals communal initiative.

00:28:23It does, sir?

00:28:24I mean, it does, sir.

00:28:25It does, yes.

00:28:27You.

00:28:27Yes.

00:28:28What?

00:28:29Who are you?

00:28:29James Bailey, B.S.C. Economics.

00:28:31Your number.

00:28:32I'm not proud of it.

00:28:33It was given to me.

00:28:33I earned my degree.

00:28:34Your rank.

00:28:35Well, that's a matter of opinion.

00:28:37Look at this, man.

00:28:38You've nothing to complain of.

00:28:39Look at the suit they've given me.

00:28:41Look at this, plumped on my head, without even the pretense of fitting.

00:28:45As a good soldier, I accepted it without complaint.

00:28:48As a good officer, what do you think?

00:28:50Well, pride in appearance plus confidence in one superior equals good start.

00:28:56Fall out.

00:28:57Get yourself a new hand.

00:28:57Excuse me.

00:28:58Of course.

00:28:59What?

00:28:59Well, who are you?

00:29:024-2-7-7-2-0-8, Private Hayward M., sir.

00:29:05Hayward?

00:29:06Ever heard of General Hayward?

00:29:07My father, sir.

00:29:08Really?

00:29:09Rear Admiral Hayward?

00:29:10My grandfather, sir.

00:29:11Air Commodore Hayward?

00:29:13My uncle, sir.

00:29:14Ah, quick test.

00:29:15What's the first thing that comes into your head?

00:29:16Women, sir.

00:29:17You're a soldier by tradition and instinct.

00:29:19Watch this, man, sergeant.

00:29:20Right.

00:29:20Left.

00:29:21Right.

00:29:22Button.

00:29:24Hunt.

00:29:27Button.

00:29:28Run.

00:29:29What's it going there?

00:29:34I stand by your beds for a hut and a tit inspection.

00:29:39Quattle.

00:29:41Dismissed.

00:29:57Well, here we are, chaps.

00:29:58Here's how we lay out our kit.

00:30:01One diagram among 24 people.

00:30:04Not very helpful.

00:30:05Hello, Jim.

00:30:06Are you joining us?

00:30:07I thought you'd be in the cooler by now.

00:30:09All nice and individualistic.

00:30:11I changed my mind.

00:30:13Sociologically, it's important for me to find out just how far one can retain one's individuality

00:30:18in the army.

00:30:19And biologically, it's important I get my lead.

00:30:21Oh, no, please, fellas.

00:30:23Let's make this inspection good.

00:30:25If anything goes wrong, my lead might go up the spout as well.

00:30:29Pour out, Charlie.

00:30:30All right.

00:30:31Watch yourself, you big clumsy ox.

00:30:44Oh, cut in the bull, Charlie.

00:30:46Imagine you being worried about keeping a bed tidy.

00:30:48Get out of it.

00:30:48Hey, Horace, you better check yours.

00:30:53Properly.

00:30:55See now for the hut.

00:30:56Tables deal two.

00:30:59Yeah.

00:31:01Hey, oh, you can have this.

00:31:03Oh, it's all.

00:31:03Would you like me to give you a hand?

00:31:26I seem to have more kit than anyone else.

00:31:28Pete, why don't you go and help Charlie?

00:31:36Okay, Miles.

00:31:40Extinguishers fire, too.

00:31:42Extinguishers fire, too, Peter.

00:31:47There's no fire extinguishers.

00:31:49Perhaps this place is fireproof.

00:31:50Yeah, but it's not pot's proof.

00:31:52Extinguishers fire, too, it says.

00:31:53And extinguishers fire, too, he'll want to see.

00:31:55I'm not taking any chances.

00:31:56Come on, we're going to borrow a couple.

00:31:59Oh, bear up, dear.

00:32:01Perhaps he's had his interview for leave by now,

00:32:03and you'll be off together in no time.

00:32:05Better late than never.

00:32:07Oh, I shouldn't go on like this.

00:32:09At least I'm married.

00:32:11Why, do you?

00:32:12Oh, I'm suffering the pangs of first love.

00:32:15Painful, but, oh, it's exquisite.

00:32:19Don't worry about me, dear.

00:32:22Or Charlie.

00:32:23Oh, there he is, look.

00:32:25Oh, Mary.

00:32:27Oh, I'm so relieved to see you.

00:32:28Is everything all right, darling?

00:32:30No.

00:32:31No fire extinguishers.

00:32:32Fire extinguishers?

00:32:33Ah, everything depends on them.

00:32:37What if I'm going to...

00:32:38Goodbye.

00:32:40Get down.

00:32:43Hayward.

00:32:44We must concentrate on Hayward.

00:32:45I wasn't wrong.

00:32:46He's got officer written all over him.

00:32:47Yes, if we can get him recommended for officer cadet,

00:32:50we're home and drive.

00:32:50Exactly.

00:32:51And it'll help towards champion platoon rating

00:32:53and may be in spite of it.

00:32:54Hayward.

00:32:56Carry on, Sergeant.

00:32:57Very good, sir.

00:32:58Stand by your bench.

00:33:06One.

00:33:07Yep.

00:33:07Hold it, honk.

00:33:32Drive it, Sage, here.

00:33:34Ah, Sage.

00:33:35Sir, an application for leave on your first day, man?

00:33:39Why?

00:33:40Compassionate reason, sir.

00:33:41You see, my girl...

00:33:43You want leave to get married, do you?

00:33:45Oh, no, sir, no, sir.

00:33:45It's just that I want to arrange things.

00:33:48Oh.

00:33:50Oh, dirty rotter.

00:33:51Oh, no, sir, please, sir.

00:33:53You don't understand.

00:33:55I understand perfectly.

00:33:56Respectable girl plus six mad use

00:33:58multiplied by a cherubong outing

00:34:00equals three lives ruined.

00:34:02See the chaplain.

00:34:02Oh, but I've already seen the chaplain, sir.

00:34:05Is this true, Sergeant?

00:34:06No, sir.

00:34:07Not to mind on it, sir.

00:34:08Look, you'd better watch yourself, Sage.

00:34:10Lying won't help you, you know.

00:34:11I'm not lying, sir.

00:34:12Then why did you say you've seen the chaplain?

00:34:13Well, I have seen the chaplain, sir.

00:34:15Not this chaplain, sir.

00:34:17Oh.

00:34:18Oh, army chaplain.

00:34:19Not good enough, huh?

00:34:20Oh, no, sir.

00:34:21Please, listen, sir.

00:34:22Well, come on, then.

00:34:23Sharp.

00:34:24I'm already married, sir.

00:34:26Oh, and stringing along with another girl.

00:34:28No, no, sir.

00:34:29I am married, sir, but I'm not married, sir,

00:34:33if you know what I mean.

00:34:34Don't know.

00:34:35How can you be married and not married, huh?

00:34:37Well, it's easy, sir,

00:34:38when you've got called up on your wedding day.

00:34:44Oh, well, that's what I think I'm in the picture now, Sage.

00:34:48Maneuvers cancel, huh?

00:34:50I should have applied for a deferment, sir,

00:34:52but it got all mixed up and...

00:34:56Oh, please, sir,

00:34:56if I could just have a few hours,

00:34:58days leave, sir.

00:35:00Oh, please, sir.

00:35:02Well, I think in the circumstances, Sergeant,

00:35:05seven days leave.

00:35:06Any questions?

00:35:07Now, sir?

00:35:08No, no, no, sir.

00:35:09Carry on, Sergeant.

00:35:10Very good, sir.

00:35:10Only left hand.

00:35:11Left right, left right, left right, left right,

00:35:13left right, left right.

00:35:13Left right, left right.

00:35:43Get them up.

00:35:54Come on, come on.

00:35:55Faster than that.

00:35:56Come on, up, up, up.

00:35:58All right, hop.

00:35:59All right, now, listen.

00:36:00When I say move,

00:36:01I want you through those beams

00:36:02and round behind me in a semicircle.

00:36:03All right, move.

00:36:10All right, move.

00:36:12Come on, get up there.

00:36:20Look, Corporal,

00:36:21have I got to go all the way up there?

00:36:22What's the matter with you, sick?

00:36:24What, me?

00:36:25Come on, get that.

00:36:26All right.

00:36:27Oh!

00:36:28What are you doing?

00:36:29Oh, it's a train!

00:36:30It's a train!

00:36:31Oh, oh, oh!

00:36:32Hey, Cole!

00:36:36Corporal, Corporal, Corporal, Corporal!

00:36:41Oh, no.

00:36:54No hope.

00:36:55Not today.

00:36:57You're all right.

00:36:59But, Doctor,

00:37:01I can feel a definite thump.

00:37:03Regularly.

00:37:04Boom, boom, boom.

00:37:06Boom, boom.

00:37:06That's it.

00:37:07Yes.

00:37:09Strong,

00:37:09that's your heart beating normally.

00:37:12there.

00:37:26Hello.

00:37:28Hello.

00:37:30Lovely day.

00:37:32Asked what kind of day, I suppose,

00:37:33if you haven't got jagged great spots in front of your eyes.

00:37:35Never mind.

00:37:37I'm sure it won't interfere with your reading your letters when the post comes.

00:37:41Letters?

00:37:43Post?

00:37:44Me?

00:37:44Why not?

00:37:45Don't tell me that you haven't got a girlfriend or, um, wife.

00:37:50Me?

00:37:51You haven't?

00:37:54Oh, good.

00:37:56Good.

00:38:05From a honeymoon back to this.

00:38:10It must be terrible.

00:38:11Yeah.

00:38:11Whatever.

00:38:12Whip round.

00:38:12Buy Mark water bottle.

00:38:13I say he does look pale.

00:38:15Well, wouldn't you?

00:38:16Thinking of nine more weeks without your little wifey?

00:38:19How was it, Charlie boy?

00:38:21Well, if you really want to know.

00:38:26We spent a good deal of time in labor exchanges,

00:38:30fixing Mary up with a proper temporary job in the nappy here,

00:38:32for the next nine weeks.

00:38:35Anyone for burnet practice?

00:38:39Right now.

00:38:40Think of all the things you've done.

00:38:42Freedom.

00:38:42The day of your release.

00:38:44The cup final.

00:38:46Me.

00:38:46Anything you like.

00:38:48This evil monster stands between you and it.

00:38:52He'll kill you rather than see you get it.

00:38:56So you have to kill him.

00:38:57You have no choice.

00:38:59Model?

00:38:59No!

00:39:02Oh!

00:39:03All right, Charlie.

00:39:08All right, good.

00:39:09All right, now.

00:39:10One at a time.

00:39:11Remember your soldiers.

00:39:12Fighting for everything you love.

00:39:14Fill with no more savagery.

00:39:17All right, let's have you.

00:39:18Agar!

00:39:21Charge!

00:39:22Charge!

00:39:22Oh, dear.

00:39:31On your feet!

00:39:34Catch!

00:39:35Go on the...

00:39:35Right, next.

00:39:38Taggart!

00:39:40Charge!

00:39:41Arrrr!

00:39:43Arrrrrr!

00:39:48Arrrr!

00:39:49Arrrr!

00:39:50Arrrr!

00:39:51Arrrr!

00:39:51Get back in line, will you? Not that way, round the back of the dummy.

00:39:58All right, next.

00:39:59Duggers!

00:40:00Duggers!

00:40:01Duggers!

00:40:16Pick it up.

00:40:21Duggers!

00:40:24Duggers!

00:40:25Duggers!

00:40:26Duggers!

00:40:27Duggers!

00:40:28Duggers!

00:40:29Duggers!

00:40:30Duggers!

00:40:31Duggers!

00:40:32Duggers!

00:40:33Duggers!

00:40:34Duggers!

00:40:35Duggers!

00:40:40Don't you think this is a trifle out of date in a world bristling with H-bom, Sergeant?

00:40:44Duggers!

00:40:45Now then, you beast, pest, commoner, habitual, violet...

00:40:50violet hand back that final ticket private bailey in answer to your question i'd back him against

00:40:56the h-bomb any day you beast peasant come on well don't just stand there help me get him out you

00:41:02pirate take that and that let go this is my turn let go you want to kill someone

00:41:15now this is nice and slow so even you lot can manage

00:41:18all right corporal demonstrate

00:41:25now pay attention slow march

00:41:34all right corporal

00:41:38now this is used on funerals work at it you'll very likely be doing it at mine

00:41:43now let's try it shall we hello

00:41:49let's go

00:41:51first and

00:41:53on

00:41:55left

00:41:56on

00:41:58slow

00:42:00march

00:42:03left

00:42:04right

00:42:06left

00:42:07right

00:42:08left

00:42:10Oh, you can't even mean it.

00:42:12It was your fault.

00:42:12Yes, it was.

00:42:13How did I do that?

00:42:13Hold.

00:42:14Shut up.

00:42:20Blind.

00:42:21Lame.

00:42:22That's what you are.

00:42:23All of you.

00:42:24I'll stand still.

00:42:27Now, as you were, I'll dress off.

00:42:30At the table.

00:42:33You misbegotten misfits.

00:42:35What do you think this is?

00:42:37What do you think I'm made of?

00:42:40I'm.

00:42:43I ought to burn a lot of you in the guard room.

00:42:46For persistent, unrelenting, blundering, malicious stupidity.

00:42:51I'll paralyze a lot of you.

00:42:55Look at you.

00:42:56Standing as if you were pregnant.

00:42:58Wouldn't surprise me after the way I've been mucked about.

00:43:00Jeff.

00:43:01Sergeant.

00:43:04All right.

00:43:05Let's try it again, shall we?

00:43:10Go down.

00:43:12Go down.

00:43:12Now turn, Owen.

00:43:13All right, now pay attention.

00:43:15This morning we're going on with lesson one on the light machine gun commonly known as the

00:43:19brain.

00:43:20Now, during this period, I'm going to show you how to strip it and assemble it.

00:43:24Right, now, for normal stripping, we divide a gun into four major parts.

00:43:30Number one.

00:43:33What's the matter with you, soldier?

00:43:36The oil.

00:43:38I've got an analogy to it.

00:43:40Well, I've heard of some dodges in my time.

00:43:43Oh, excuse me.

00:43:44What's your trouble?

00:43:46Well, just a suggestion.

00:43:47Why doesn't Private Strong change places with me?

00:43:51Well, are you taking the Mickey?

00:43:53Well, let's see, shall we?

00:43:55Private Strong is affected by the odor of oil.

00:43:57I am not.

00:43:58I make a suggestion intended to help him and you.

00:44:02Is that taking the Mickey, sergeant?

00:44:08Is it ready to turn you up, son?

00:44:10Something wrong.

00:44:12Here.

00:44:13What are you sitting down there for?

00:44:15Change space if we're the man in the back.

00:44:16Here, ma'am.

00:44:26Now, then.

00:44:28Number one.

00:44:31Remove the piston group and place it on the right-hand side of the gun.

00:44:35Right.

00:44:35Number two.

00:44:37The barrel group.

00:44:38Lift up the barrel locking up as hard as it'll go.

00:44:41Take up the cadden handle

00:44:42and ease the barrel forward until it is clear

00:44:45and place it on the right-hand side of the piston group.

00:44:50Number three.

00:44:51The butt.

00:44:53Lift up the gun gently

00:44:54and pull the butt back away from the body

00:44:57and lay it on the right-hand side of the barrel group.

00:45:01Right.

00:45:02Number four.

00:45:03To remove the last two groups,

00:45:05grip the bipod in the left hand

00:45:06and turn the body of the gun towards you

00:45:08and they'll come apart.

00:45:09Place the body of the gun

00:45:10on the right-hand side of the butt group

00:45:12and the bipod on the right-hand side of the body.

00:45:16There you are.

00:45:17You now have your gun stripped down into his four major groups.

00:45:21Now, are there any...

00:45:22Hey, you at the back.

00:45:25Hey, you!

00:45:26Sir, Sergeant.

00:45:30What are you gawping out of that window for?

00:45:32I was listening, Sergeant.

00:45:33Really, I was.

00:45:34And you know all about it, won't you?

00:45:36Up on your feet!

00:45:40Come here.

00:45:40So, you know all about the Bren gun, eh?

00:45:56Yes, Sergeant.

00:45:57There it is.

00:45:58Look at it.

00:45:59I've stripped it down for you, haven't I?

00:46:01Yes, Sergeant.

00:46:02Well, put it together again!

00:46:03Come here.

00:46:10Come here.

00:46:33Sergeant.

00:46:38Get up!

00:46:38Hold on, yeah!

00:46:40Well, it looks as though you was listening, after all.

00:46:45I wasn't listening.

00:46:47Eh?

00:46:48I used to work in the factory where they make these things.

00:46:54Good evening.

00:46:55Evening.

00:46:56Good evening, Mrs. Sage.

00:46:57If you say that again, I'll give you a thick ear.

00:47:00No one's supposed to know.

00:47:02Oh, I'm sorry.

00:47:06I'd like a bar of chocolate, please.

00:47:07Miss.

00:47:10I say.

00:47:17She didn't ask for the money.

00:47:20Oh, yes.

00:47:21Oh.

00:47:22Oh.

00:47:22Well, look, you see, I can't keep my hand closed.

00:47:40Every time I shut it, it flies open.

00:47:42Because you want it to open.

00:47:44No, I don't.

00:47:45Look, this is a terrible affliction.

00:47:47Oh, a hand with a will of its own.

00:47:52It's psychosomatic.

00:47:54Or maybe it's because the tendons is like elastic.

00:47:57Nonsense.

00:47:58Oh.

00:47:59Oh.

00:48:00Look, this one's starting now.

00:48:02Open your hands.

00:48:05Listen to me, Strong.

00:48:06This is frightening.

00:48:08There's nothing wrong with your hands.

00:48:10I want to be trained.

00:48:12Dismissed.

00:48:13You've got no feeling for the sick.

00:48:15I remind you I'm an officer.

00:48:17And I remind you that I'm a sick man.

00:48:27Dismissed.

00:48:28Dismissed.

00:48:28See you tomorrow.

00:48:33Fire.

00:48:35Number two gun.

00:48:37Fire.

00:48:39Number three gun.

00:48:41Fire.

00:48:47Detail.

00:48:48Unlocked.

00:48:49Two shorter target and one outer.

00:48:51That's bad.

00:48:52Where's four?

00:48:53This quad plus ammunition equals increased army estimates.

00:48:56Number one gun clear, sir.

00:48:59Number two gun clear, sir.

00:49:00Number three gun clear, sir.

00:49:01Carry on, Sergeant.

00:49:02Detail.

00:49:03Change.

00:49:07Number one gun.

00:49:09Load.

00:49:11I said number one gun.

00:49:12Load.

00:49:13Get down.

00:49:14The ground's damp, Sergeant.

00:49:15I suffer from recurrent rheumatism.

00:49:17You'll suffer from life imprisonment if you don't get down.

00:49:19Now get down there and load.

00:49:26Number two gun, load.

00:49:31Raise your back sight, man.

00:49:35I said your back sight.

00:49:37Number three gun, load.

00:49:45Excuse me.

00:49:46I'm so sorry.

00:49:50I'm all thumbs today.

00:49:53Oh, champion platoon.

00:49:55Carry on, Corporal.

00:49:59All right?

00:50:00Now just like that.

00:50:01One at a time.

00:50:02No delays.

00:50:03Let's have you.

00:50:08Thank you, Sergeant.

00:50:08Get back in line.

00:50:09Right, next.

00:50:10Next.

00:50:12Next.

00:50:16Jump, man, jump.

00:50:43Jump, man, jump.

00:50:44It's all right for you lot.

00:50:47You haven't had a go yet.

00:50:48Oh, my bones are weak.

00:50:49Jump.

00:50:50Jump.

00:50:52Let go.

00:50:53Let go.

00:50:54Oh.

00:50:56Let go.

00:51:08Nora would have given anything to have been on that rope with Horace.

00:51:11Short of being trapped together like that, she'll never get with him.

00:51:13Even avoids going into the nappy now.

00:51:16Oh, Charlie.

00:51:17I do wish we could do something for Nora.

00:51:19She's so terribly unhappy.

00:51:21Darling, I'd like to help, but if he won't even talk to her...

00:51:24He could be.

00:51:26What did you say?

00:51:27Trapped?

00:51:29Did I say that?

00:51:30Well, what are you going to trap him with?

00:51:31A net?

00:51:32A rope.

00:51:33Oh, now, wait a minute, darling.

00:51:35Now, we mustn't interfere...

00:51:36Shh, darling.

00:51:37I'm thinking.

00:51:38We haven't finished the bread yet.

00:51:39Oh, never mind about that.

00:51:41But you've got an important message to deliver.

00:51:44From Sergeant Grimshaw.

00:51:47I was told to report here for fatigues.

00:51:51Oh.

00:51:53Well, come on in, then.

00:52:00You can help with these, if you like.

00:52:02Jim, what's that word?

00:52:18Obtuse.

00:52:19What's it mean?

00:52:21Unteachable.

00:52:22Oh.

00:52:23That's me.

00:52:25Wish I was like you.

00:52:27You're clever.

00:52:27Knowledge in a nutshell, it says.

00:52:31But I can't get it into my nut.

00:52:35Jim.

00:52:36I've been meaning to ask you for weeks.

00:52:38What's the secret?

00:52:40What secret?

00:52:41How to learn.

00:52:42There's no secret.

00:52:43You just learn.

00:52:45I don't.

00:52:46I've been in three squads.

00:52:48I don't seem to learn nothing.

00:52:53Take your rifle, for instance.

00:52:55Sergeant Russell says,

00:52:56with one of these things in me mitt,

00:52:57I'm a danger to everyone except the enemy.

00:52:59Then he's an idiot.

00:53:01No.

00:53:01I'm the idiot.

00:53:03Sergeant Russell said I was.

00:53:04So did Sergeant O'Brien.

00:53:06Do you mean to tell me

00:53:08that neither of them could show you

00:53:10a simple thing like the workings of a rifle?

00:53:12Oh, they showed me.

00:53:14So did Sergeant Grimshaw.

00:53:15But I was always at the back,

00:53:17and it's done half-talk fast.

00:53:19Now, look.

00:53:20There's nothing to it.

00:53:21For a start.

00:53:22This is the safety catch.

00:53:25Now, nothing can go wrong

00:53:26once it's this way.

00:53:29Oh.

00:53:31That way.

00:53:33What's your unfatigues for?

00:53:35Because I wouldn't let go of a rope.

00:53:40Don't talk much, do you?

00:53:42What's there to talk about?

00:53:43Oh.

00:53:45Life.

00:53:46Life.

00:53:47Infection.

00:53:51Decay.

00:53:53And death.

00:53:53That's life.

00:53:55What's your name?

00:53:57What's it to you?

00:53:58I'm just an anonymous blob of cargy.

00:54:00That's all.

00:54:00I'm just a...

00:54:01No, you're not.

00:54:03I know your name anyway.

00:54:06How?

00:54:07Made it my business to find out.

00:54:09Why?

00:54:09Can't you guess?

00:54:16Well, that's it.

00:54:17Oopsies, enough.

00:54:18It is.

00:54:19Actually, it's quite well designed.

00:54:20Let me have a go.

00:54:24I got you.

00:54:25That's it.

00:54:26God.

00:54:29I've been trying to tell you ever since I first saw you.

00:54:31Oh.

00:54:32You're on me too.

00:54:33Oh, I'm sorry, but you're in my heart here.

00:54:36Well, don't do that.

00:54:37You do yourself an injury.

00:54:38Oh, what does it matter if you don't respond to me?

00:54:41I might as well be dead.

00:54:42Oh, Horace, I'm a woman, violent and passionate, and I'm yours.

00:54:47Let's get on with the fatigues.

00:54:49The round, Tammy, it was a trick.

00:54:51A trick?

00:54:52Oh, I was desperate to be alone with you.

00:54:54The message from the sergeant.

00:54:56It was from me.

00:54:58Charlie.

00:55:00Charlie, you rotten son.

00:55:01Oh, Horace, oh, I do love you.

00:55:04What?

00:55:05I'll murder him.

00:55:06I will.

00:55:07I'll breathe germs on him.

00:55:08Why are you so frightened of love, Horace?

00:55:11Let me get out.

00:55:13Neil, I'll take a pill.

00:55:14Oh, no, it's not a pill that you need, my darling.

00:55:17It's me.

00:55:18Oh, imagine the bliss of having someone to love you and someone to take care of you.

00:55:23Please.

00:55:24Someone might hear you.

00:55:25Oh, let the whole world hear.

00:55:27But we must give ourselves time to get to know each other.

00:55:30Say, about, um, half an hour.

00:55:38What's your name?

00:55:39Oh, oh, at last.

00:55:41It's Nora.

00:55:44Nora.

00:55:45Good night.

00:55:52Oh, Horace, come back.

00:55:55There's nothing to it.

00:55:56With his background, Awood will be an absolute cake.

00:55:58Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:56:01Hey, that man.

00:56:03Horace.

00:56:04Horace.

00:56:05Come back.

00:56:06It's Horace.

00:56:07Horace.

00:56:07Well, I'm glad he's useful at something.

00:56:09Debride, Debride.

00:56:11Party health.

00:56:13Private Hayward, sir.

00:56:15Hayward, I've asked Sergeant Grimshaw to keep an eye on you.

00:56:18He has, and so have I.

00:56:20And despite certain unfortunate incidents in which you were involved, you're here.

00:56:25Yes, sir.

00:56:26Why, sir?

00:56:27Oh, can't you guess?

00:56:28I haven't the faintest idea, sir.

00:56:31Modest.

00:56:31Honest.

00:56:32I think we'll write about this man, son.

00:56:34Thank you, sir.

00:56:35Fill this in, Hayward.

00:56:37I don't have to, do I, sir?

00:56:39What?

00:56:40Well, I...

00:56:41It's not an order, Hayward, but surely...

00:56:44Oh, well, that's all right, then, sir.

00:56:46I don't want to be an officer, sir.

00:56:49Principal heredity shattered.

00:56:51Explain.

00:56:52Well, sir, what were your father, grandfather and uncle?

00:56:55Oh, perfect.

00:56:56Um, pots, pots and pots.

00:56:58Porcelain manufacturers.

00:57:00And you're in the army?

00:57:01Of course, sir.

00:57:02Army's my whole life.

00:57:03Principal heredity shattered, sir.

00:57:04Just like me.

00:57:05I mean, my people are senior officers, I know, sir.

00:57:07But, um, general plus air commandeure plus rear admiral equals me, I'm afraid, sir.

00:57:11Just an ordinary national serviceman.

00:57:13I'm just not a leader of men.

00:57:15Sorry, sir.

00:57:18Dismissed.

00:57:19Carry on, Sergeant.

00:57:21Yes, sir.

00:57:22Tony.

00:57:23Yes, sir.

00:57:23Hey, coach.

00:57:24Yes, right, yes, right, yes, right.

00:57:26Yes, right.

00:57:39Morning.

00:57:40Morning.

00:57:41What trouble?

00:57:42Stomach.

00:57:42Too often?

00:57:43Not enough.

00:57:44Number nine.

00:57:45The complications?

00:57:45Given time.

00:57:46See you tomorrow.

00:57:47Dismissed.

00:57:47What trouble?

00:58:04What trouble?

00:58:05Come on, Nandan.

00:58:07That man!

00:58:35Take your hands out of your pockets!

00:58:36Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:58:37Sergeant.

00:58:38Get your hair cut in the morning.

00:59:04I've seen better.

00:59:14Here, didn't he say pierce the tin?

00:59:22I heard what he said.

00:59:24Well, there's one job you couldn't make a mess of, eh?

00:59:32Well, it's not too bad.

00:59:33Hope for you yet.

00:59:34Well, it's all perseverance plus common sense equals...

00:59:44It's my scalp.

00:59:45I've got a kind of nervous itch.

00:59:46Oh, really?

00:59:47Aren't you even going to examine me?

00:59:49No.

00:59:50I'm taking you for a ride.

00:59:51Aye?

00:59:52Go on, madam.

00:59:53Go on, madam.

00:59:54Get out!

00:59:55Get out!

00:59:56Get out!

00:59:57Get out!

00:59:58Get out!

00:59:59Get out!

01:00:00Get out!

01:00:01Get out!

01:00:02Get out!

01:00:03Get out!

01:00:04Get out!

01:00:05Get out!

01:00:06Get out!

01:00:07Get out!

01:00:08Get out!

01:00:09Get out!

01:00:10Get out!

01:00:11Get out!

01:00:12Stand up at ease, please, Sergeant.

01:00:15Get out!

01:00:16Get out!

01:00:17Stand up at ease, please, Sergeant.

01:00:18Get out!

01:00:19Get out!

01:00:20Get out!

01:00:21Get out!

01:00:22Get out!

01:00:23Get out!

01:00:24Well, this is your last day of training.

01:00:26Tomorrow, you'll get proficiency tests and a passing out parade.

01:00:30And you'll finish the worst of all the platoons here.

01:00:35Someone's got to be bottomed.

01:00:38Get that cut in the morning.

01:00:39You.

01:00:40Someone's got to be bottomed, but this is absolute extremism.

01:00:43That's a disgrace.

01:00:46A tune to shambles.

01:00:49Worst we've ever had here at Heathercrest.

01:00:52Glad to see the back of you.

01:00:54Clumsy fools plus innate idleness equals you, all of you.

01:01:02Carry on, Sergeant.

01:01:05Carry on, Sergeant.

01:01:14Where have you arrived?

01:01:16Gentlemen, this is the case in question.

01:01:20Private Horace Strong.

01:01:22He has reported sick every day for ten weeks.

01:01:26His ailments are varied and elusive, so far as I, a mere GP, can diagnose.

01:01:32You gentlemen are specialists.

01:01:34I thank you for agreeing to help by means of a thorough examination.

01:01:39He's all yours.

01:01:41Oh, I, I do apologize, ma'am.

01:01:47I, I've misjudged you.

01:01:50You've got a real feeling for the sick.

01:01:52Oh, I, I can't tell you how much I appreciate, ma'am.

01:01:56All right, turn around.

01:02:01Now, breathe deeply.

01:02:04In.

01:02:05Out.

01:02:09Say 99.

01:02:1099.

01:02:12Something's wrong, eh?

01:02:13Congratulations.

01:02:14You have a perfect heart and lungs.

01:02:16What?

01:02:17No, Doctor.

01:02:18My heart hangs by a thread.

01:02:20By a rope, my boy.

01:02:22Rope?

01:02:23What's he mean?

01:02:26He doesn't understand.

01:02:28My heart...

01:02:29Lie down.

01:02:32Good.

01:02:33How's that?

01:02:35Remarkable.

01:02:36Stand up.

01:02:38Stand still.

01:02:40Pop.

01:02:42Aha.

01:02:43Aha.

01:02:44You see.

01:02:45Fantastic.

01:02:46What is?

01:02:47Stomach's a model.

01:02:48You've got a digestive system like an incinerator.

01:02:50No sign of hernia.

01:02:51Pulse normal.

01:02:52Cubicle.

01:02:53House normal.

01:02:54But, Doctor, I'm in a state of nervous tension.

01:02:56All the more remarkable.

01:03:01Sit down.

01:03:03Roll up your sleeve.

01:03:05Sphygmomanometer's ready, Doctor Clark.

01:03:07Mm-hmm.

01:03:08Sphyg...

01:03:09Relax.

01:03:10Strong.

01:03:11Relax.

01:03:12Now we'll see something, ma'am.

01:03:14Your blood pressure.

01:03:15120.

01:03:16That's high.

01:03:1780.

01:03:18That's low.

01:03:19120 over 80.

01:03:20Textbook readings.

01:03:21Quite normal.

01:03:22But, Doctor, please.

01:03:23The blood's singing in my ears.

01:03:24I'm not surprised.

01:03:25It should be very happy.

01:03:26Stand there.

01:03:27No!

01:03:28Have you ever been a blood donor?

01:03:29It wasn't that.

01:03:30Everybody.

01:03:31Hemoglobin is a hundred percent.

01:03:32What?

01:03:33I'm not surprised.

01:03:34It should be very happy.

01:03:35Stand there.

01:03:36Stand there.

01:03:37No!

01:03:38Never been a blood donor?

01:03:39It wasn't that.

01:03:40Everybody.

01:03:41Hemoglobin is a hundred percent.

01:03:42I'm getting out of here.

01:03:43They're just a bunch of vets.

01:03:46No!

01:03:47No!

01:03:48No!

01:03:49No!

01:03:50No!

01:03:51No!

01:03:52No!

01:03:53No!

01:03:54No!

01:03:55No!

01:03:56No!

01:03:57No!

01:03:58No!

01:03:59No!

01:04:00No!

01:04:01No!

01:04:02No!

01:04:03No!

01:04:04No!

01:04:06No!

01:04:07A-Doo-doo-doo-doo.

01:04:08Oh, splendid!

01:04:09Open up here, please!

01:04:10Yes.

01:04:11Come along here.

01:04:12It's fine.

01:04:13Hands on hips.

01:04:15Good lord, gentlemen.

01:04:17You must look.

01:04:19Strang!

01:04:20Gentlemen, look at this.

01:04:22Superb.

01:04:23What a ribcage.

01:04:24Magnificent.

01:04:25If only it were in color.

01:04:27Oh, doctor, please!

01:04:30No!

01:04:31The machine's all wrong.

01:04:32Look, my ribs are all short and they're sharp.

01:04:34Shut up. I'm living constant dread. I'm puncturing my lungs.

01:04:37Oh, don't answer the question. Your bone structure's in perfect proportion.

01:04:40Besides, your lungs have the texture of asbestos.

01:04:45I'm ill. I'm ill, I tell you.

01:04:48Gentlemen, there's only one avenue left open to us.

01:04:51Psychiatry.

01:04:53Psychiatry.

01:04:56Oh, doctor. You'll understand.

01:04:59Yes, yes, of course. Lie down.

01:05:03Relax.

01:05:05What's the first thing you'll remember?

01:05:07My mother.

01:05:08What was she doing?

01:05:09Sneezing.

01:05:10I see. Now, association test. Say whatever comes into your mind after what I say.

01:05:17Mother.

01:05:18Cold.

01:05:19Sneezing.

01:05:20Me.

01:05:20You.

01:05:21Pills.

01:05:22Water.

01:05:23Wet.

01:05:23Again, water.

01:05:25Washing up.

01:05:26Washing up.

01:05:26Naffy.

01:05:27Naffy.

01:05:28Nora.

01:05:32Nora.

01:05:33Nora.

01:05:34Nora.

01:05:40Oh, Nora.

01:05:55Hi, baby.

01:05:57Come here.

01:06:13Tell us the matter with you, Horace. Are you ill or something?

01:06:17Ill? What, me?

01:06:19Your marbles must be loose.

01:06:22Oh, whatever's happened to you, Horace?

01:06:24You answer the questions, kid.

01:06:27Wanna be my doll?

01:06:31Doll?

01:06:32Yeah, but not the sort that goes mama when I squeeze it, okay?

01:06:37I'd have to have time to think about it.

01:06:40Okay. Think.

01:06:44Time's up. Through there. Move.

01:06:46Oh, Horace.

01:06:52What a right bunch they turned out to be.

01:06:54Oh, just luck. Not in bad luck.

01:06:57I must have stood under a ladder and kicked 13 black cats some day, I'm rather.

01:07:03Well, don't worry, Sarge. It'll all be behind you this time tomorrow.

01:07:06Your last day in the army. I wish it had turned out the way you wanted it.

01:07:10You know, you were at the end of a champion platoon.

01:07:13Yes. Didn't give them to every man to achieve his life's ambition.

01:07:16Certainly not to me.

01:07:17However, I hope when you get the other one up, you'll have better luck than I had.

01:07:24Good night, sir.

01:07:25Good night, Sarge.

01:07:27Don't be daft, Herbert.

01:07:29Characters like Grimshaw don't leave the army.

01:07:31They can't. They've taken root.

01:07:33Listen, I heard them talking about it.

01:07:36Tomorrow's his last day in the army.

01:07:37And the best of British luck with the old...

01:07:39Oh, all right, then.

01:07:42That's isn't such a bad old buzzer, do they?

01:07:44Best sergeant I ever served under.

01:07:46Let's give him a present.

01:07:47I know what he'd like.

01:07:49Us.

01:07:49The champion platoon tomorrow.

01:07:51What I hope.

01:07:53I would like that.

01:07:54I heard him saying just that to Corporal Copping.

01:07:56No, it's impossible.

01:07:58Any case, why should we knock ourselves out after the way he's chased us around?

01:08:02When did he ever chase you, Andy?

01:08:03Or any of us, for that matter.

01:08:05He's yelled a lot, but sergeants can't talk quietly.

01:08:08If he'd wanted to, he could have had all of us inside over and over again.

01:08:11Yeah, that's right.

01:08:13I wonder why he didn't.

01:08:14Excuse me.

01:08:16Perhaps he's been trying a sociological experiment, too.

01:08:20Eh?

01:08:20As Miles said, Grimshaw could have made life purgatory for us.

01:08:25He didn't.

01:08:25Why?

01:08:26Why, Jim?

01:08:26My theory is this.

01:08:28With us, his last platoon, Grimshaw tried the experiment of deliberately putting a brake on his disciplinary powers,

01:08:34relying instead purely on his personality.

01:08:37In my opinion, such an experiment deserves success.

01:08:41Boys, we shall be champion platoon tomorrow.

01:08:45You're bombing.

01:08:46We can betry.

01:08:48The others will cooperate.

01:08:49What do you say?

01:08:50Go on, boys.

01:08:50Try.

01:08:51Okay.

01:08:51What have we got to lose?

01:08:53Nothing.

01:08:54Come on.

01:08:54Let's tell the others.

01:08:56Blimey.

01:08:56We've forgotten Horace.

01:08:58That's tall.

01:08:59It's...

01:08:59Wait a minute.

01:09:00Horace, we've decided to knock their eyes out tomorrow, to come right out on top.

01:09:03Okay.

01:09:07You know, everything.

01:09:10Ropes, bayonet, grenades, the lot.

01:09:14Yeah.

01:09:16Ropes.

01:09:19Bayonet.

01:09:20Grenades.

01:09:22The lot.

01:09:27Okay.

01:09:28Okay.

01:09:33Well...

01:09:34Oh, Nor...

01:09:44Oh, Nor...

01:09:46THE END

01:10:16well you're a man short sergeant that's right one man sick pandasitis i'm taking his place

01:10:25who sent you no one i'm volunteering on top of everything this well what are we going to lose

01:10:33all right brown get in there thank you sergeant well i shan't be needing these chits anymore corporal

01:10:41i hope he's got his braces on

01:10:43move to the left x-rays

01:10:53left hand by the right

01:10:59right

01:11:00left

01:11:01i don't believe it

01:11:13i don't believe it

01:11:23i don't believe it

01:11:26number three gun power

01:11:35fifteen balls

01:11:39fifteen balls

01:11:41maximum

01:11:43maximum

01:11:45we'll carry on sergeant

01:11:49detail

01:11:51detail change

01:11:54number one gun clear sergeant

01:11:55number two gun clear sergeant

01:11:56all right boys show them what you can do

01:11:59hold your head

01:12:00charge

01:12:02hold your head

01:12:04charge

01:12:06hold your head

01:12:08charge

01:12:09come on

01:12:13hold your head

01:12:15charge

01:12:16hold your head

01:12:19hold your head

01:12:21charge

01:12:22hold your head

01:12:23charge

01:12:24another chair

01:12:25all right let's

01:12:29you're doing well

01:12:47and remember

01:12:48and remember

01:12:48it's our last chance

01:12:50so do your best

01:12:52right

01:12:53and good luck to all of you

01:12:55right

01:12:57brace up

01:12:58go down

01:12:59go down

01:13:02go down

01:13:03go down

01:13:05go down

01:13:07slow

01:13:09move to the left hand threes

01:13:16left

01:13:18coming

01:13:19right

01:13:22right

01:13:22wake

01:13:23march

01:13:24brace

01:13:35up

01:13:38doesn't charlie look smart

01:13:40but look at now

01:13:43how it rests

01:13:43brace

01:13:44brace

01:13:46brace

01:13:47come

01:13:48slow

01:13:49bounce

01:13:51bend

01:13:58bend

01:13:59jump

01:13:59right

01:14:00in threes

01:14:01right

01:14:02dance

01:14:04by the left

01:14:06quick

01:14:08march

01:14:08go down

01:14:22and

01:14:22go down

01:14:23and

01:14:24Let's go.

01:14:54Let's go.

01:15:24Let's go.

01:15:54Fifty quid.

01:15:58Oh, blimey.

01:15:59Let's go.

01:16:29Sage.

01:16:32Sir.

01:16:33Recommended for training as Armourer.

01:16:34Sir.

01:16:36Bailey.

01:16:38Sir.

01:16:39Recommended for Education Corps.

01:16:41Sir.

01:16:42Strong.

01:16:44Sure.

01:16:45Recommended for Physical Training Instructor.

01:16:47Sure.

01:16:47All right.

01:16:49Brown?

01:16:52Well, sorry to lose you, but hearty's congratulations.

01:16:56Remarkable persistence.

01:16:57Succeeded in passing your preliminary training test on the eve of your release.

01:17:01Excuse me, sir.

01:17:02I'm not leaving altogether.

01:17:03When me leave's over, I'm coming back as a regular.

01:17:06Ah.

01:17:07What?

01:17:08Oh, magnificent show.

01:17:10Oh, well, enjoy your leave, Brown.

01:17:12You deserve it.

01:17:13Thank you, sir.

01:17:14But all the lot of you.

01:17:15All work and no play makes Jack...

01:17:17Well, I think we all know what the army says about Jack, what?

01:17:22Carry on, Sergeant.

01:17:22Well, thank you very much.

01:17:43And, uh, whoever Leighton buzzard were, you know, feel like looking in?

01:17:47Always pleased to see you.

01:17:48Thank you, sir.

01:17:49I remember that.

01:17:51Goodbye, sir.

01:17:52Goodbye.

01:17:53Good luck.

01:18:02Excuse me, Sergeant.

01:18:03Uh, this is for you.

01:18:04Get out the case.

01:18:10Whoa!

01:18:11burada!

01:18:15他écane never works.

01:18:16I list mytreks Rabbi!

01:18:17God!

01:18:17Go!

01:18:18Go!

01:18:19Good luck.

01:18:20Go!

01:18:21Come on!

01:18:24Go!

01:18:26Go!

01:18:27Go!

01:18:28Go!

01:18:29Go!

01:18:30Go!

01:18:31Go!

01:18:32Go!

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