Purge of Kingdoms- The Unauthorized Game of Thrones Parody (2019) Watch HD Stream English
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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30Eight kingdoms
00:00:36One fat king to rule them all
00:00:42Does that work for you guys? Is the accent good?
00:00:46Nope, I'm not doing it again
00:00:47And what the hell are we looking at here?
00:00:50Is this an alien abduction movie?
00:00:52Change this
00:00:53But ruling them isn't enough for this king
00:00:56What's this now?
00:00:59A dark room full of pot smackers
00:01:01This is how we're starting the movie
00:01:03Change
00:01:04Our story begins here
00:01:07In this wild western world
00:01:10What the fuck is this?
00:01:14You know what? Forget it
00:01:16Just start this shit
00:01:17Peasants of wild western world
00:01:23Welcome to the sporting event of the weekend
00:01:27It's Aeneas
00:01:37It's A-E-N-E-A-S
00:01:41I think I'm going to go
00:01:45I think I'm going to go over to the tent
00:01:48And have the cocksucked
00:01:49Oh fuck
00:01:51I think I just farted
00:01:53I just farted
00:01:53This smells awful
00:01:56I think I just shat in my mouth
00:01:57Myself cleaned up
00:02:03Fuck off
00:02:04Master of secrets
00:02:05Let's go
00:02:06Let's go
00:02:06No
00:02:10What is this anus shit?
00:02:15His name is Aeneas
00:02:16A-E-N-E-A-S
00:02:19You fucking peasants
00:02:20Are so fucking uneducated
00:02:22Anus
00:02:23Put the fucking sides away
00:02:24Hello girls
00:02:32My name is Aeneas
00:02:52A-N-U-S
00:02:55A-N-U-S
00:03:03A-N-U-S
00:03:09A-N-U-S
00:03:14A-N-U-S
00:04:47I've seen him.
00:04:51Who have you seen?
00:04:53The one who predicts our future.
00:04:56The one who makes us envious.
00:04:58The one who paints pictures of life and death with one fell swoop of a tweet.
00:05:03You brought me here for this?
00:05:17I swear he was out here.
00:05:20This is for him.
00:05:21I'm going to work.
00:05:24I'm going to work.
00:05:25wow wow man he came back man it's such an honor it's like a cool man wow i've seen your future
00:05:49yeah man i mean look at that it's so bright i gotta wear shades you know you know what i'm saying
00:05:53unless you quit the violence around here yeah all you motherfuckers are gonna die
00:05:58now i'm telling you you want to be in any more books or tv shows y'all better stop killing each other
00:06:06and it shall be decreed thus no longer shall we live in a land where the defenseless fall prey
00:06:23to vicious predators and sexual deviance let us restore the peace which our ancestors once
00:06:29enjoyed excuse me my lord but there has never been peace in wild west the world no no my lord okay
00:06:38um let it thus be decreed that it is time to come out of the dark ages into a new age of everlasting
00:06:46peace and that is why i want you to uh join us here at kingshire tomorrow sundown for purge fest 3000
00:06:55sounds good doesn't it i'm sorry my lord but did you say purge yes yes you impotent cox yes i did
00:07:06it isn't the purge where you violently remove people no no no no it's more like a bar mitzvah with
00:07:12music and just a few whores make sure the big tits you know i like the big tits you know that
00:07:17after you've sent out the invites and everyone comes to the party and we've ushered them all into
00:07:24the hall i want you to make sure that the doors to the hall are locked from the outside
00:07:33and then i want you to make sure that we have plenty of dragon fire because i'm going to burn
00:07:48everyone alive
00:07:52thank you thank you no really really thank you
00:08:18it was nothing
00:08:19now it's your turn baby brother
00:08:22brendan what are you doing it's your turn hold on hold on i almost got my access
00:08:30oh
00:08:30so i
00:08:33oh dog our father lord denard stalk is watching
00:08:38and so is our mother lady stalk and your ginger sister sancia
00:08:42and the polish baker the puerto rican gardener the carpenter
00:08:48and a guy named carlos
00:08:49hey
00:08:51okay okay okay which one of you was the marksman at 10
00:09:13i see
00:09:15well keep practicing brendan you'll get there soon enough
00:09:20i don't want to pressure you or anything but you're embarrassing our entire house
00:09:24try to at least hit something near the target this time
00:09:27here just shoot
00:09:27ow ow ow ow ow ow ow i'm all right
00:09:31i'm okay i'm fine it's okay
00:09:32so what's happening
00:09:43it's stuck
00:09:44oh well
00:09:45we did our best didn't we that's all they can ask for
00:09:48look
00:09:50that's him
00:09:52my god he's hot
00:09:54excuse me
00:09:56what's up you horny bitches
00:09:59can i get an autograph
00:10:00nothing's up really we're just talking about going to get some cheeses right guys
00:10:08yeah
00:10:08what about the war
00:10:12the galley stock commander doe
00:10:14well
00:10:15you do this your fashion
00:10:17get some help here brothers
00:10:21yes commander doe
00:10:22yes
00:10:22poor
00:10:23poor
00:10:25harder
00:10:26why are you grabbing my nipples
00:10:32uh i saw the other guys uh helping so i thought i'd join in
00:10:39uh how does that help the geek come down
00:10:41yes
00:10:42well
00:10:43indeed
00:10:43yeah
00:10:44good point
00:10:44uh my deepest apologies it won't happen again
00:10:47i'm stuck
00:10:48men
00:10:50this
00:10:51is what you get
00:10:52when you let lord trumpet the orange
00:10:55build the wall
00:10:56with the outsider's money
00:10:58men
00:11:01get the torches
00:11:02there's someone coming
00:11:04hello everybody
00:11:07it's me
00:11:09lord trumpet of orange
00:11:12and i want to give you
00:11:13an update
00:11:14on
00:11:14my ratings
00:11:15they're incredible
00:11:16they're amazing
00:11:17they're tremendous
00:11:19talk about the wall sir
00:11:20shut up miller
00:11:22this
00:11:23amazing wall
00:11:24which i
00:11:25installed
00:11:26and was paid for
00:11:27by the brown people
00:11:28who
00:11:28by the way
00:11:29did not
00:11:30vote for me
00:11:31very stupid
00:11:32and sad frankly
00:11:33no brown people sir
00:11:34this
00:11:35wall
00:11:36was built
00:11:37with the finest wood
00:11:39in all
00:11:40of wild
00:11:41western world
00:11:42and
00:11:43as you can see
00:11:44it's huge
00:11:46just like my penis
00:11:48oh my stars
00:11:54you
00:11:55are like
00:11:56starry
00:11:57the valdor
00:11:58ride me
00:12:05ride me
00:12:06to the end
00:12:07of the world
00:12:08you beast
00:12:08denise
00:12:15denise my skanky
00:12:16slutty sister
00:12:17there you are
00:12:18look what just arrived
00:12:19from king's
00:12:20shine
00:12:20it
00:12:25looks like the invitation
00:12:27to a party
00:12:28when they write the history
00:12:32of my reign
00:12:33it will start today
00:12:34how exciting
00:12:39what day is it
00:12:40february 31st
00:12:42now we shall travel
00:12:43to king's shine
00:12:43at once
00:12:44and deliver a special
00:12:45surprise to our friend
00:12:46the king
00:12:47i thought you hated
00:12:48the king
00:12:49of course i hate him
00:12:49he's fluctuating all
00:12:50over my throne
00:12:51but if you hate him
00:12:52then why will you
00:12:53give him a surprise
00:12:54never mind
00:12:55just pack up your things
00:12:56and bring the savage
00:12:57with you
00:12:57good evening
00:13:08we're going to a party
00:13:10in kingshire
00:13:11are there snacks?
00:13:13more snacks
00:13:14than you can imagine
00:13:15can i come?
00:13:16of course you can come
00:13:17you're the surprise
00:13:19wait
00:13:19i'm not popping out
00:13:20of a cake again
00:13:21we're going to give him
00:13:23our dragon?
00:13:24no no
00:13:24not exactly
00:13:26we shall hide
00:13:28piff inside a pie
00:13:29and the king will cut it
00:13:29and then piff will pop out
00:13:30and eat the king
00:13:31in front of everyone
00:13:32and i will be the new ruler
00:13:33of wild westerworld
00:13:34wait
00:13:35did you just say
00:13:35eat the king?
00:13:36yes i did
00:13:37do you have a problem
00:13:38with that?
00:13:39well i'm actually
00:13:40a pescatarian
00:13:40so i don't
00:13:41eat any living creature
00:13:43apart from fish
00:13:44because they deserve it
00:13:45because they're dickheads
00:13:46well then just
00:13:48chew his head off
00:13:49and spit it out
00:13:50what do i care
00:13:51as long as he dies
00:13:51can i choke him out
00:13:52because i'm not very good
00:13:53around blood
00:13:53yes yes
00:13:54i just need him dead
00:13:55hold on
00:13:56i've got a better idea
00:13:57what about killer here?
00:14:01uh no
00:14:02you will
00:14:03do the killing
00:14:04well i've already
00:14:05named him killer
00:14:05so it just seems
00:14:06appropriate that he
00:14:07should kill
00:14:07i said no
00:14:08you will kill him
00:14:09fine
00:14:10i'll kill him
00:14:11he'll be dead to you
00:14:13just like you're
00:14:14dead to me
00:14:14mean we buy
00:14:15the pile of horse shit
00:14:16when he's down with you?
00:14:18which one?
00:14:18diego
00:14:25my moon
00:14:26and my stars
00:14:27can you go harder?
00:14:32harder
00:14:32harder like you're
00:14:33taking me to the moon
00:14:35yes
00:14:38yes
00:14:39yes
00:14:40ah
00:14:41boys
00:14:58parties
00:15:00style
00:15:01fame
00:15:03she likes
00:15:04glamour
00:15:05runway
00:15:07style
00:15:09fame
00:15:11she likes
00:15:12dash
00:15:12oh my god
00:15:21oh my god
00:15:35it's got like an invitation
00:15:38it's a party
00:15:39clearly that's for me
00:15:41this is my pool
00:15:42yeah but
00:15:43thank you
00:15:57phone
00:15:58sebastian
00:15:58give me my phone
00:15:59thank you
00:16:01oh my god
00:16:07me too
00:16:08pack your things
00:16:09because we're going
00:16:11to a party
00:16:12oh well this is
00:16:15it's like
00:16:15genocide
00:16:16but without the jews
00:16:17and bring your own
00:16:20whores
00:16:20oh my god
00:16:23you're right
00:16:23we could be the whores
00:16:25oh my god
00:16:27we're gonna be
00:16:27so famous
00:16:29come on
00:16:29come on
00:16:30come on
00:16:30come on
00:16:30why
00:16:33because it's purge fest
00:16:37duh
00:16:38oh no
00:16:44oh no
00:16:45i told you guys
00:16:46oh i told you
00:16:47we should have
00:16:48come here
00:16:48now
00:16:49we're going to die
00:16:50god help us
00:16:52where are you going
00:16:55you fucking cowards
00:16:56johnny do something
00:16:58do the hair
00:17:00yes
00:17:02dance magic
00:17:05yeah do it
00:17:05johnny
00:17:06shake your hair
00:17:21bitch
00:17:21bitch
00:17:21do it
00:17:23oh that's hot
00:17:30that's hot
00:17:31oh yeah
00:17:31yeah
00:17:32go for all of them
00:17:33all of them
00:17:33wow
00:17:39do it
00:17:48do it
00:17:49johnny
00:17:49holy
00:17:51holy
00:17:52holy
00:17:52holy
00:17:53holy
00:17:53holy
00:17:54shit
00:17:55Uncle Tony, Lord of I am.
00:18:05Holy shit.
00:18:06How did you do that?
00:18:08Screw my suit.
00:18:08You guys go to the purge fest?
00:18:10Ah, my family wouldn't want me there.
00:18:11I'm a bastard.
00:18:12What do you mean your family wouldn't want you there?
00:18:14I'm your family.
00:18:15And you know what you need?
00:18:16You need some makeup.
00:18:17Make yourself pretty on the inside.
00:18:19Does that work?
00:18:20Does it work?
00:18:21I think I met your mother.
00:18:22You know my mother?
00:18:23Of course I know your mother.
00:18:24I'm your uncle.
00:18:24Who is she?
00:18:25Listen, we're going to go to the purge fest.
00:18:27You'll meet your mother.
00:18:28I can't go right now.
00:18:29I've got to go out of the Segovia.
00:18:30I've got a hot widow in a castle.
00:18:32And she's waiting for me.
00:18:34But you guys will see at purge fest.
00:18:36All right, good.
00:18:36All right, later, guys.
00:18:39Everyone has a weird uncle.
00:18:42Sorry, Father.
00:18:43I was aiming for a target, but he was in the way.
00:18:46It's okay, boy.
00:18:49Lord Sork, Lady Sork.
00:18:51The guardsmen have returned from the hillside.
00:18:53They've captured the deserter from the wall.
00:18:55Bob tells you it's meant to saddle the horses.
00:18:57Brendan, you come with me.
00:18:59Are you sure, Dennett?
00:19:00Don't you think he's too young to see such things?
00:19:04He won't be a child forever, my dear.
00:19:06This would be a good lesson for him.
00:19:08Come on, Brendan.
00:19:09I will teach you how to deal with the deserters.
00:19:12Is there anything you'd like to say in your defense
00:19:24before I deliver your sentence?
00:19:26Yeah.
00:19:27I know I broke the oath, but I'm not a goddamn deserter.
00:19:29I know I should've ran to the wall, I warned him.
00:19:31But I saw what I saw, so I wouldn't just pass me legs to carry it.
00:19:33You might think I deserve to die like a dog.
00:19:35People need a little truth.
00:19:36I made a cat eat all of yours, and the devil ate the cat,
00:19:37and that's all.
00:19:40Does anyone understand what this man said?
00:19:43No.
00:19:43Very well.
00:19:45Off with his head.
00:19:52Fucking gobshite.
00:19:54In the name of Walter and the House of Falafel.
00:19:57Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
00:19:58He can't hear you.
00:19:59Where's the boom guy?
00:20:04Is he union?
00:20:05No.
00:20:07Yay, I'm free.
00:20:10In the name of Walter of the House of Falafel.
00:20:13I, Dedrick.
00:20:15Son of Fendro.
00:20:16Husband of Lady Stork.
00:20:18Lover of Athena.
00:20:20Katrina.
00:20:21Seraphina.
00:20:22And Salvador.
00:20:23Father of Macaulay McCoctum.
00:20:25Boban.
00:20:26Ariana.
00:20:27Sancia.
00:20:28I'll just do it already!
00:20:29Who said that?
00:20:31Father.
00:20:32Sorry, I just, I can't stand the sight of real blood.
00:20:35This is the old way, boy.
00:20:36The man who passes the sentence must deliver the blow.
00:20:40Now put that game down.
00:20:41Come here.
00:20:42I'll chop his head off.
00:20:43Oh, Doc.
00:20:49You may go.
00:20:50My boy will hold him down.
00:20:52Now hold it.
00:20:53Hold still.
00:20:55Steady.
00:20:56I told you to stay steady.
00:21:04Here come Lady Stork.
00:21:05Don't say a word.
00:21:08Oh, hello, my dear.
00:21:10What things are here?
00:21:11Where's Brendan?
00:21:12He had a small accident, but there's nothing the major can't fix.
00:21:16We just received an invitation to King Shire for Purge Fest 3000.
00:21:20What is that?
00:21:21What is that?
00:21:22A party to purge all violence from the kingdoms.
00:21:25That is wonderful.
00:21:26I think that you should go alone.
00:21:29Our enemies will be there, and it may be dangerous for the children.
00:21:32What say you?
00:21:34Father, Prince Dizzy will be there, and I must meet him.
00:21:37He is the love of my life.
00:21:39I'm going to marry him.
00:21:41I want to lie naked in his bed while he drizzles hot honey all over my body.
00:21:46Now, now, don't get upset.
00:21:48There's no safer place in the entire realm than King Shire, my dear.
00:21:52I am certain that nothing bad will happen to us.
00:21:56My children, pack your back.
00:21:58We're going to the Capitol!
00:22:22And now, the benevolent, the magnificent, and the extremely dignified, Prince Dizzy!
00:22:39That's my boy!
00:22:46Ladies, ladies, all the sexy ladies, longing for a prince like me.
00:22:52Some of them be cherry-ripe, some be lewd, and some be shrewd, who are longing for a prince like me!
00:23:02Mongrel, you're in the wrong key!
00:23:04I believe it is the right one, Your Grace.
00:23:07What did you say?
00:23:09That you are right, Your Grace.
00:23:12I believe the only right key is the one that'll open the door to this shithole,
00:23:17so we can all get out before this penis starts singing again!
00:23:22What did you call me?
00:23:24You're mostly honourable.
00:23:28Prince Dizzy, of course.
00:23:30That's what I thought.
00:23:33Mongrel, kill him!
00:23:35Mongrel, kill him!
00:23:45Mummy!
00:23:47That's it, run to mummy!
00:23:49Give it, Mongrel!
00:23:51Go pay something, Funky!
00:23:52Go!
00:23:54Mummy!
00:23:55Ehhh!
00:24:05I like my boy!
00:24:06Yesss!
00:24:07Oh, yes.
00:24:27Damn.
00:24:28Good boy.
00:24:37Did you get your invitation to Purgefest?
00:24:40I've got it. It's a good plan.
00:24:43Talking about it. It's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
00:24:47Just another woman with my husband. Stupid, bloody ideas, that drunk bastard. What?
00:24:54It's a brilliant opportunity to kill.
00:24:57What did you say?
00:24:59I said, Purgefest is an excellent opportunity to kill your husband.
00:25:07You're not just a beautiful face, are you?
00:25:10You've got stuff going on up there.
00:25:13Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me.
00:25:18After the king is dead, our son will take the throne.
00:25:23Jizzy.
00:25:24Jizzy.
00:25:25Jizzy.
00:25:26Jizzy.
00:25:27Jizzy.
00:25:28Jizzy.
00:25:29Jizzy!
00:25:31Jizzy!
00:25:32Father?
00:25:34Hello.
00:25:35Nephew.
00:25:37I heard someone in this direction calling my name.
00:25:52I heard someone in this direction calling my name.
00:25:55Oh?
00:25:56Oh, honey, you must be hearing things.
00:26:00Why don't you go run along, play with yourself?
00:26:02I'm not finished with your uncle.
00:26:04Can I go shoot peasants with my crossbow?
00:26:05No, honey, not today.
00:26:08I just can't be bothered with any main bumpkins whining with their wretched families at the castle gates.
00:26:13Please, mother!
00:26:14Not today!
00:26:16Sorry.
00:26:17I'm sorry.
00:26:18I'm sorry!
00:26:18What's this?
00:26:26Is this a toy from the future?
00:26:28Oh, dear God.
00:26:30Give your uncle his hand back.
00:26:31Give your uncle his hand back now.
00:26:33No way, it's so much fun.
00:26:35No, you know what?
00:26:37Oh, darling.
00:26:41I changed my mind.
00:26:42You can go shoot the peasants now, darling.
00:26:46Thank you, mother.
00:26:48Hello, everybody.
00:27:09Have you noticed the beautiful white swans behind me?
00:27:15They remind me of my favorite type of people, graceful and white.
00:27:20Very, very white.
00:27:22Inclusivity, sir.
00:27:25They are so beautiful.
00:27:27And they love me for bringing them into this world almost as much as my beautiful Russian male order bride.
00:27:36And you know what the best part about the swans is?
00:27:39They're just as racist as I am.
00:27:42Non-racist, sir.
00:27:43Non-racist as I am.
00:27:45Non-racist, sir.
00:27:52Non-racist, sir.
00:27:53Non-racist, sir.
00:27:54Non-racist, sir.
00:27:55Non-racist.
00:27:56Non-racist, sir.
00:28:00So beautiful out here.
00:28:02I wonder who planted all these trees.
00:28:05This has been a fortune in Gardner's.
00:28:07Hey, where are you going, you ass wife? Come back here. I'll sue you.
00:28:15Where'd he go?
00:28:16I can't believe he did.
00:28:18Let's get out.
00:28:19Here, just, just, okay.
00:28:21Check it.
00:28:23Okay, I'm fine.
00:28:25Okay.
00:28:27Where'd he go?
00:28:31Oh, no, your, your tits hanging out.
00:28:33Oh, yeah.
00:28:34You're gonna, uh, put it away.
00:28:36You know who I'm gonna see.
00:28:38Yeah, that's true.
00:28:39For sure, that's good.
00:28:41What are we gonna do?
00:28:42I don't know.
00:28:43I don't know.
00:28:47You're gonna be kidding me right now.
00:28:49When you meet your gods, tell them Shaggy, son of Scooby, from the Rock Paper Scissor Clan has sent you.
00:29:00Please don't kill me.
00:29:01And, tell me, where do women of your physique come from?
00:29:13The hills of Beverly.
00:29:15Do they all have the same curves as you?
00:29:18Most do, yes, if they can afford it.
00:29:23I think we may have to visit someday.
00:29:25After we kill you.
00:29:28What?
00:29:28What?
00:29:29What?
00:29:31Oh.
00:29:33Oh.
00:29:35Oh.
00:29:39Okay, just, just, just.
00:29:41Okay, just.
00:29:42Get out!
00:29:43Okay.
00:29:45Mr. Shaggy, my name is Clueless of House Cardocian.
00:29:51Tell me, Clueless, how would you like to die?
00:30:01Choking on a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream in my jacuzzi while having sex with you.
00:30:10The fat one's got to say it's a humor.
00:30:13Take her as a slave and kill the other one.
00:30:15What?
00:30:16What?
00:30:16Who are you calling fat, Bette?
00:30:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.
00:30:22Oh, she's feisty.
00:30:23Give me the, give me the, give me the hammer.
00:30:24Give me back my hammer or the family dies.
00:30:26Hang on a second.
00:30:28How many followers do you have?
00:30:36I have five followers.
00:30:39How do you expect me to take you seriously if you only have five followers?
00:30:47How many do you have?
00:30:49Thousands.
00:30:52Where are they?
00:30:53They're in here.
00:30:56And when I make my sex tape, I'll have millions and millions of followers.
00:31:04Well, join the club.
00:31:06Everyone does that around here.
00:31:08Really?
00:31:08Oh, yeah, practically all the time.
00:31:11Yeah.
00:31:13How am I supposed to get famous now?
00:31:27Somebody say famous?
00:31:31Me.
00:31:33Me famous?
00:31:34I can make all of you bitches famous.
00:31:39Oh, my God.
00:31:40I need it.
00:31:41Free tickets all day.
00:31:42Oh, my God.
00:31:43Okay, duck face.
00:31:45David.
00:31:48Your Majesty.
00:31:55Oh?
00:31:55No.
00:31:56Shut up.
00:32:01Oh, I'm hunting.
00:32:02My apologies, my Lord.
00:32:04Yes.
00:32:04You've done it again, Your Majesty.
00:32:07First shot.
00:32:08Very good.
00:32:10Take that beast.
00:32:12Give it to the cook for tonight's feast.
00:32:14The event is just hours away, my Lord.
00:32:19Yes.
00:32:22The, um...
00:32:23Yeah.
00:32:24Spit it out.
00:32:25The dragon fire has disappeared.
00:32:29Dragon fire has disappeared.
00:32:31How does the dragon fire?
00:32:32How does the dragon fire disappear?
00:32:37I'm afraid I do not know, my Lord.
00:32:41I'm going to explain one thing to you.
00:32:43You're going to get rid of all those people tonight.
00:32:45I don't care how you do it.
00:32:47You throw them off the castle wall.
00:32:49You drown them in the moat.
00:32:51Uh, feed them to the little beasties of the fucking forest.
00:32:55Use your imagination, will you, man?
00:32:58I'll think of something.
00:32:59Hold, hold my word.
00:33:02Uh, come here, you little bastard.
00:33:07Ah!
00:33:08Oh!
00:33:09Oh!
00:33:10Oh!
00:33:17Any more bad news you've got for the king today?
00:33:20Lord Deadard Stork and his family are about to arrive.
00:33:24Would you like to...
00:33:26tweet?
00:33:26Well, yes, of course I'd like to greet my dear long-lost friend.
00:33:34I mean, why didn't you bring that up in the first place?
00:33:39Do you want to tell me?
00:33:40You...
00:33:40The king is like a feather in the air.
00:33:55He goes whichever way the wind blows.
00:33:58And right now,
00:33:59Deadard
00:34:00is blowing him hard.
00:34:02Oh, that's lovely.
00:34:20Good work.
00:34:21Yes.
00:34:21Lord Trumpet's Wall.
00:34:43Journal entry, number one.
00:34:48It's called a shit out here.
00:34:51In the middle of nowhere.
00:34:53As we look for nothing.
00:34:54For no reason.
00:34:55Whatsoever.
00:34:57Hmm?
00:34:58The story of my life.
00:35:01A bastard life.
00:35:04I'm bored.
00:35:05We could be on our way to Purchfest right now.
00:35:07I wouldn't want two more bastards, sir.
00:35:09Oh, come on.
00:35:11Half of the people in this kingdom are bastards.
00:35:13And the other half are just inbred morons.
00:35:16Besides,
00:35:16there will be women,
00:35:18entertainment,
00:35:20cheeses,
00:35:22all the incentives.
00:35:26I'm a bastard child
00:35:30Living on a wall
00:35:33With 40 celibate men
00:35:36Okay, uh, wait.
00:35:39I didn't want to scare you,
00:35:41but
00:35:42I received a note from an hour earlier
00:35:44Let's say the storks might be in danger.
00:35:48When did you see an alp?
00:35:51Uh, it, it, it was when I,
00:35:54when I went to the bathroom.
00:35:57I've been with you, Aldo.
00:35:59Who said that?
00:36:00It was anonymous.
00:36:02I have never heard of it.
00:36:04Where is it?
00:36:06I, I burned it.
00:36:08Why would you burn the message?
00:36:10Because I was afraid it would get into the wrong hands.
00:36:12Look, we can discuss this forever,
00:36:14but the point is,
00:36:14we don't have much time
00:36:15if we don't have that now.
00:36:17Your family might be killed.
00:36:19My family doesn't want to see you.
00:36:20Oh,
00:36:21bloody hell,
00:36:22are you going to sit here
00:36:23mopping all day
00:36:24about not having a mother
00:36:25or are you going to get up
00:36:26and do something?
00:36:31Let's go to purge bed.
00:36:32Right now.
00:36:36Both of us,
00:36:37let's do it.
00:36:38Let's do that.
00:36:39Pack your bags.
00:36:45Yes.
00:36:46Get your best dress.
00:36:47Yes.
00:36:48I'll get the car
00:36:49and we're going to purge it.
00:36:50Yes.
00:36:51Yes, let's do it, Johnny.
00:36:52Don't tell me
00:37:03you're playing
00:37:04that stupid game again.
00:37:06It's not stupid.
00:37:07I like it.
00:37:07Promise me
00:37:08you won't play with it
00:37:09while we're in Kingshire.
00:37:11Promise.
00:37:12Hodog,
00:37:13no playing.
00:37:14Hodog,
00:37:14Hodog.
00:37:15Your Grace.
00:37:36Little gold.
00:37:41And you're so fat
00:37:42the last time
00:37:43they took out the counterpart.
00:37:45they thought
00:37:45you were a boulder.
00:37:58Just like the old days.
00:38:04Your Grace.
00:38:05Hello, darling.
00:38:06Oh.
00:38:07Kind as a fist
00:38:08as always.
00:38:11And where are the little ones?
00:38:13Yes.
00:38:14Ooh.
00:38:16Not so little anymore,
00:38:18are you?
00:38:19Little Bobby,
00:38:20have you tortured
00:38:20any defenseless
00:38:21little puppies lately?
00:38:23Oh.
00:38:26You must be the tomboy.
00:38:28hello in there, huh?
00:38:37Huh?
00:38:37What?
00:38:39Oh.
00:38:40Oh, it's the pretty
00:38:41little girly one.
00:38:42She loves to play
00:38:43with the little dollies
00:38:44that she...
00:38:45the little dollies.
00:38:46Oh.
00:38:51Ah.
00:38:52And what have we?
00:38:53Here we have the athletic
00:38:53little had, don't we?
00:38:54Up and down.
00:38:56Show us those legs.
00:39:01I like pussy.
00:39:02Hodog.
00:39:04Oh.
00:39:05Pussy.
00:39:06Hodog.
00:39:07Pussy.
00:39:07Hodog.
00:39:08Pussy.
00:39:08Hodog.
00:39:09Hmm.
00:39:09Welcome to
00:39:13Pigshire.
00:39:15He causes
00:39:16su casa.
00:39:18Meet the family.
00:39:19Come here.
00:39:21This is Cursy,
00:39:21my wife.
00:39:27And Johnny.
00:39:29Bang, bang,
00:39:30Johnny,
00:39:30we call him.
00:39:31But he likes to bag
00:39:32anything that
00:39:33fucking moves.
00:39:35And Jizzy,
00:39:35my boy.
00:39:36I'm so
00:39:37fucking proud of him.
00:39:38Great shot
00:39:40with that thing.
00:39:41I think he looks
00:39:42just like you.
00:39:43He does, does he?
00:39:44Tell me about
00:39:45this purse fest.
00:39:46Why is this big
00:39:47party all of a set?
00:39:48You've never done
00:39:49anything like this
00:39:49before.
00:39:50Well, excuse us.
00:39:51We've got a little
00:39:52talk.
00:39:52Come on.
00:39:56You're the best
00:39:57friend I have
00:39:57in the whole
00:39:59wide world.
00:40:00So I'm going
00:40:01to be honest
00:40:01with you.
00:40:02This isn't
00:40:02a party.
00:40:04I'm going to
00:40:04just kill the
00:40:05competition before
00:40:06it kills me.
00:40:07Right?
00:40:07You're becoming
00:40:08paranoid.
00:40:09Everyone loves
00:40:11you.
00:40:11Me, I give
00:40:12my left
00:40:13tactical for
00:40:13you.
00:40:14Well, that's
00:40:14because you're
00:40:15warm.
00:40:16Call me what
00:40:17you will.
00:40:18But I still
00:40:19believe in the
00:40:20old ways.
00:40:21Loyalty,
00:40:22honesty,
00:40:23character,
00:40:24and integrity.
00:40:30Okay,
00:40:31I'll go get
00:40:31a snack.
00:40:32Okay,
00:40:32I'll go get a snack.
00:40:32Well, I figure
00:40:38out how to
00:40:39murder every
00:40:40single woman.
00:40:43That's the most
00:40:50disgusting thing
00:40:50I've ever seen.
00:40:51At least use a fork
00:40:52and knife, you pig.
00:40:54And what's taking
00:40:55you so long?
00:40:55I'd like to keep
00:40:56moving.
00:40:56Go to
00:40:57my sister and
00:40:58let me
00:40:58calm down.
00:40:59come
00:40:59mierda.
00:41:02You are an
00:41:03embarrassment
00:41:03to me and
00:41:05our entire
00:41:05family.
00:41:06When I rule
00:41:06the eight
00:41:06kingdoms, I
00:41:07will have to
00:41:08educate you
00:41:08properly.
00:41:09You can't
00:41:09just be on a
00:41:11rocking horse
00:41:12with that
00:41:12beast of
00:41:13yours and
00:41:13dining on
00:41:14horse parts
00:41:14with your
00:41:15bare hands.
00:41:15Yeah,
00:41:16I can't see.
00:41:18I'm
00:41:18going to
00:41:19me and
00:41:19going to
00:41:20mother.
00:41:21We are part
00:41:22of a dynasty,
00:41:23the greatest
00:41:24dynasty the
00:41:24world has
00:41:25ever known.
00:41:25We are
00:41:26dragons.
00:41:27Well, I'm a
00:41:28dragon.
00:41:28I don't know
00:41:29who you are.
00:41:30Actually, I'm
00:41:30a dragon.
00:41:31How dare you
00:41:31correct me?
00:41:34You say I'm
00:41:34the dragon.
00:41:35You say I'm
00:41:35the dragon.
00:41:36You say I'm
00:41:37the dragon.
00:41:38You're the
00:41:38dragon.
00:41:39And don't
00:41:39you forget
00:41:40it.
00:41:41And by
00:41:41the way,
00:41:42that's what a
00:41:44real dragon
00:41:45sounds like.
00:41:46Take it
00:41:46easy.
00:41:48Diego's going
00:41:48to get mad.
00:41:50So what if
00:41:50he gets mad?
00:41:51He still doesn't
00:41:52even speak the
00:41:53common tongue.
00:41:54He's getting
00:41:54pissed.
00:41:55He may not
00:41:56speak it, but
00:41:57he understands
00:41:57it.
00:41:58I want to
00:41:58go.
00:41:59Now.
00:42:00I want the
00:42:01crown I
00:42:02deserve.
00:42:02You want
00:42:03a crown?
00:42:04I'm going
00:42:05to give you
00:42:05a crown.
00:42:06A crown
00:42:07of shit.
00:42:09What did
00:42:10he say?
00:42:11You said
00:42:11he'll give
00:42:12you your crown.
00:42:13No.
00:42:14What?
00:42:14Denise,
00:42:16what's
00:42:16happening?
00:42:17What is he
00:42:17doing with
00:42:17that bucket?
00:42:18No.
00:42:19No, you
00:42:19keep that
00:42:19away from
00:42:20me.
00:42:20I'm a king.
00:42:21I'm a king.
00:42:23A crown
00:42:23for a king.
00:42:25No.
00:42:25No.
00:42:31No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:32No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:33No.
00:42:34No.
00:42:34No.
00:42:34No.
00:42:35No.
00:42:35No.
00:42:35No.
00:42:35No.
00:42:38No.
00:42:38No.
00:42:46No.
00:42:47No.
00:42:47No.
00:42:47No.
00:42:48No.
00:42:48You want some
00:42:49of this?
00:42:49You want some of this?
00:42:54Yes, ladies. Thank you.
00:42:56Mmm, yum, yum, yum, yum.
00:42:59Who's your hosya? Who's your hosya?
00:43:02Who's your hosya? Who's that gawah?
00:43:04Oh, no, no, no.
00:43:06I have stolen all the dragon fire and hidden it in the basement.
00:43:25When all the families sit down for the feast, I will burn them,
00:43:31and you and I will be the new rulers of the kingdom.
00:43:36Yes, I got you, you nasty little devil.
00:43:39Now, wait till I tell all my friends about you.
00:43:41They won't believe it.
00:43:43Get him!
00:43:46Quite the little pervert, aren't you?
00:43:48What's happening? What's going on?
00:43:50I was just up here having some fun.
00:43:52Having some fun? Is that what you call it?
00:43:54Playing with my dragon.
00:43:56Following the creature, yes.
00:43:58Popping the beast.
00:43:59Chasing the serpent.
00:44:00Tickling the lizard. We get it.
00:44:02What are you doing?
00:44:04You're going to kill him.
00:44:06I'm saving our arses.
00:44:10The kid is just playing dragon.
00:44:15Right.
00:44:20Can I have my jacket on the back, please?
00:44:22This is nothing but numb your brain and get you in trouble.
00:44:25No, I don't have my jacket on!
00:44:27It's okay.
00:44:28The game.
00:44:29It still works.
00:44:30You're still alive.
00:44:31It's a miracle.
00:44:33I saw the best joust match the other day.
00:44:34Anus at the tip of his lance into the other guy's neck.
00:44:35There was blood gushing everywhere.
00:44:36It was pretty fun.
00:44:37Sounds interesting.
00:44:38No, I couldn't.
00:44:39Do it.
00:44:40No, I couldn't.
00:44:41Do it.
00:44:42Okay.
00:44:43Okay.
00:44:44Okay.
00:44:45.
00:44:46.
00:44:47.
00:44:48.
00:44:49.
00:44:50.
00:44:51.
00:44:52.
00:44:53.
00:44:54.
00:44:55.
00:44:56.
00:44:57.
00:44:58.
00:44:59.
00:45:00.
00:45:01.
00:45:02.
00:45:03.
00:45:04.
00:45:05.
00:45:15.
00:45:16.
00:45:17.
00:45:18.
00:45:19.
00:45:20.
00:45:21.
00:45:22.
00:45:23.
00:45:24.
00:45:25.
00:45:26.
00:45:27.
00:45:28.
00:45:29.
00:45:42.
00:45:43What is it, my sweet lady?
00:45:44Does mongrel bother you?
00:45:46.
00:45:47.
00:45:48.
00:45:49.
00:45:50.
00:45:51.
00:45:52.
00:45:53.
00:45:54.
00:45:55.
00:45:56.
00:45:57.
00:45:58so would you like to do for fun higher so cook masturbate twice a day in that
00:46:09order a traditional woman I like that I'm not into these women who want to work
00:46:16or fight or talk you'll never defeat me don't worry my lady I got this you're safe
00:46:30with me surrender your weapon fat boy let go of my girl sister I'll slice you in
00:46:35half like a loaf of bread hey man relax I'm not a man I'm your prince dude seriously
00:46:43stop messing around we're actors are moving don't move I saw it with my own
00:46:48eyes you attacked her with your sword no he didn't he's my friend this it's just a
00:46:55stick do you want it oh god quiet my lady no one can defeat me in combat now fight
00:47:05me like a man how dare you hit your prince you aren't a prince you're a penis what did
00:47:19she call me she called you a prince sir you're nothing but a little penis a walking talking
00:47:29penis admit it to everybody here that you're nothing but a penis never say it oh
00:47:37why don't people like me they're jealous of you sir am I am I good looking yeah yeah you are you
00:47:58hesitating for a bit there no no I didn't look you did it again no you you you do it all right
00:48:07all right all right all right all right fuck you you think you're ever gonna be king my boy you got
00:48:13another thing coming you're always gonna be a little prince who's got a little dick this is the
00:48:18biggest dick you're ever gonna see my boy in this water this reflection is the only dick you're ever
00:48:23gonna have so are you guys coming with us to purse fest or what nah I don't know I don't think
00:48:33there are places I've seen really who is that the fat one no one with the hair he's so hot
00:48:50you two need to leave there is no place for you in here now leave before I smash you with my hammer oh
00:49:09oh I see I think I saw another in a few steps from here maybe we should go to that one shouldn't we
00:49:18yeah why should we leave we have the same right to be here as any of you is that sir man on the bar
00:49:35the meister says it's a miracle he's still alive help help our boy is strong he won't survive you're safe I think someone pushed him out of that tower deadhead I think he saw something he shouldn't have seen and they tried to murder him
00:50:02come on who would you such a
00:50:05Johnny and cursing no the boltons the fries the high pigeon could have been anyone maybe even the lay my sisters that's outrageous
00:50:14those all the night honorable families you're talking about the lay my sisters would never hurt a child
00:50:20we have to watch our backs tested you never know who would stab us in the back I think you need the best you're becoming paranoid like the vet was up
00:50:35wait wait wait where you going I'm going to get to the bottom of this
00:50:41Lord stork the king would like to talk to you in private yes of course I'll be there
00:50:56I'll be there
00:51:03what's happening what's happening
00:51:05what's happening
00:51:10have
00:51:12you a-hole
00:51:14I'm sorry
00:51:17sex step right up step right up who wants to get a bastard
00:51:21he ain't making a part of those two
00:51:26he ain't making a part of those two
00:51:31look at that
00:51:32ah
00:51:34come on
00:51:35I wasn't any good was I
00:51:37I wasn't any good
00:51:38and I wanted to
00:51:40fuck
00:51:41hmm
00:51:42hello
00:51:43ha ha ha ha ha
00:51:44having a wonderful time here
00:51:45hehehe
00:51:46oh god I miss your sister
00:51:48you know the old days
00:51:51they were beautiful
00:51:52your sister was a real girl
00:51:54she was such a party
00:51:55her little tits and her little ass of hers
00:51:57ah she was wonderful
00:51:58she reminds me of you a little bit
00:52:00how do you keep your stomach flat like that
00:52:02I have to get on a diet
00:52:04I mean I'm good in bed
00:52:06but I'm not like your sister
00:52:08she could take 45 people one go
00:52:10one time saw her with the camel
00:52:12with it all in her mouth
00:52:14it was quite beautiful in some horrific kind of way
00:52:17anyway
00:52:18do you want to have a little shot with this one
00:52:20hmm
00:52:21do you want to have a little shot
00:52:22oh
00:52:23whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:52:26huh
00:52:27how can I help you my lord
00:52:28what I
00:52:30oh
00:52:31I do need a favor from you
00:52:33whatever it is
00:52:34you can count on me my lord
00:52:35ok
00:52:36you're not my brother
00:52:37yes alright
00:52:38don't interrupt
00:52:39the king
00:52:40now
00:52:41you know that I am surrounded by a bunch of money grubbing
00:52:43ass licking
00:52:44scummy little piggy alcoholic people in this kingdom
00:52:48and somebody's going to try and kill me
00:52:50tonight
00:52:51ok
00:52:52listen
00:52:53listen
00:52:54we've already discussed this
00:52:56don't you
00:52:57don't fear to unground it
00:52:59no one would dare harm a king
00:53:01ok well
00:53:02ok
00:53:03I
00:53:04happen to disagree with you
00:53:06and therefore I am going to command you
00:53:08to
00:53:09protect
00:53:10the realm
00:53:11for my little jizzy wizzy boy
00:53:13so he can come and take all of the things
00:53:15and have it all
00:53:16ok
00:53:17please
00:53:18you can count on me my lord
00:53:19I mean I am not going to
00:53:21ok thank you
00:53:22alright
00:53:23go on then
00:53:24do you want a little shot
00:53:25because I am going to
00:53:26go again
00:53:29come here
00:53:30hmm
00:53:32hmm
00:53:33that column won't hit back you know
00:53:46who are you?
00:53:47i am
00:53:48master dancer
00:53:50lover
00:53:51and the best swordsman you have ever seen
00:53:57my name is Zorio Thuriel
00:54:01oh
00:54:03that column won't hit back you know
00:54:05who are you?
00:54:06i am
00:54:07master dancer
00:54:08lover
00:54:09and the best swordsman you have ever seen
00:54:12my name is Zorio Thuriel
00:54:15oh
00:54:20the grip is a bit slippery
00:54:21excuse me
00:54:22what are you doing here?
00:54:23chasing rats
00:54:25part of your training?
00:54:26no
00:54:27the rodent situation in Kingshire is out of hand
00:54:31sword
00:54:32here
00:54:33catch this sword
00:54:35looks like your reflexes could use some
00:54:38practice
00:54:39pick up your weapon
00:54:42that
00:54:43is not the way
00:54:45boy
00:54:46i'm a girl
00:54:47that cannot be true
00:54:49anyway
00:54:50this
00:54:51is how you pick up a sword
00:55:05i am just showing you how not to do it
00:55:07wouldn't want to
00:55:09knock yourself in the giggleberries
00:55:12i don't have giggleberries
00:55:14i'm a girl
00:55:15oh
00:55:16i need to switch
00:55:17oh
00:55:18this sword is all badly balanced
00:55:22last time
00:55:23that
00:55:24is how you do it
00:55:25now
00:55:26get into the fighting position
00:55:29that
00:55:31that
00:55:32that
00:55:33is how you do it
00:55:34now
00:55:36get into the fighting position
00:55:40that
00:55:41is not the fighting position
00:55:43turn to me side faced
00:55:46sideways
00:55:47yes
00:55:48that is what i said
00:55:49side faced
00:55:50i have been the first swordman of the bravados for twenty years
00:55:52you must listen to me boy
00:55:54i'm a girl
00:55:55no way
00:55:56no way
00:55:57where are your boobies then
00:55:58i'm like ten
00:55:59very well then
00:56:00hand side faced
00:56:03good
00:56:04now
00:56:05try to strike me
00:56:07oh
00:56:08oh
00:56:09you
00:56:10i wasn't expecting that
00:56:11i'm sorry
00:56:12knock the wind out of me
00:56:13let me help you up
00:56:14let me help you up
00:56:16you have to wait for me
00:56:18to say go
00:56:19okay
00:56:22go
00:56:23not above the shoulders
00:56:25i don't have the proper gear for that
00:56:27you're only supposed to hit me in this section here
00:56:30follow me
00:56:31i will teach you to
00:56:32fan
00:56:33dago
00:56:34huh
00:56:35and then perhaps you will become a great swordsman like me
00:56:38if you are in a second section of the army
00:56:41let me go
00:56:42uh...
00:56:45aha
00:56:46ha ha
00:56:49ha
00:56:52ha
00:56:53ha
00:56:54ha
00:56:55ha
00:56:56ha
00:56:57ha
00:56:58ha
00:56:59ha
00:57:00ha
00:57:01ha
00:57:02ha
00:57:03ha
00:57:04ha
00:57:05ha
00:57:06Furiel at your service we must go first that's about to begin yes father keep
00:57:13practicing and you will go far I must go to go to chase the rats good luck boy
00:57:22hello everybody it's me Lloyd Trumpet here at the tremendous trumpet mace
00:57:31everyone loves this maze you know why because only white people can get through
00:57:36it and brown people get trapped
00:57:40sound sucks on yeah I can't total oh no Johnny oh what did you do KK why do you
00:57:59have to stab him yeah yeah yes you did your murderer and me
00:58:04it I didn't do it okay if you didn't then then then you did it I didn't do it I
00:58:12saw you do it me no I'd never kill John though you sure about that no idea oh
00:58:20yeah oh yeah I did okay well let's just get him into the back room okay
00:58:24oh yeah oh my god
00:58:32800 paces will be in Kingshire I will be the first female ruler of all of Wild West
00:58:40world my destiny wait do you have horse hurt by any chance
00:58:50okay let's go this way what do we do what do we do it's closed rip them off oh yeah yeah yeah yeah help
00:59:10help copy no chance can you get his
00:59:13hello lady boys
00:59:17oh look who it is it's the red sorceress oh perhaps you can bring him back to life
00:59:23uh that's not the red sorceress that's our stepdad transgenner
00:59:28all right come on what's going on that man saved us from the bad people and now he's dead
00:59:37why are his clothes coming off we just wanted to see what he looked like naked
00:59:43oh oh is that what you're looking for oh I can just tell you what it looks like
00:59:47oh he's so so warm and so so soft leave the room I can't make any promises I need to work my gas fingers
01:00:02don't count there
01:00:05come on
01:00:15me
01:00:15yo ya no puedo más no puedo
01:00:19Tengo una diarrea terrible
01:00:22y ese corazón de caballo que me diste me cayó como una bomba
01:00:29un paso más
01:00:30At least I am a match.
01:00:49My son and my stars.
01:00:52May I borrow your pocket?
01:01:00My hair is falling all over my head.
01:01:07Here.
01:01:12Take it.
01:01:17Burn him.
01:01:20Let's go conquer the eight kingdoms.
01:01:23Sorry, buddy.
01:01:27Dad, are you going to be much longer to just burn a metal line in the pub?
01:01:33I'm just going to magic.
01:01:34What do you need?
01:01:35I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.
01:01:37Yes, everything is fine.
01:01:39Just let me finish.
01:01:40Okay, I will.
01:01:50Oh, my boy!
01:01:51What just happened?
01:01:52Who did this?
01:01:53Who?
01:01:54Who are you?
01:01:55What are you doing in my son's room?
01:01:57Oh, my boy!
01:01:58What just happened?
01:01:59Who did this?
01:02:00Who?
01:02:01Who are you?
01:02:02What are you doing in my son's room?
01:02:03What's that up there?
01:02:04Where?
01:02:05Where?
01:02:06There
01:02:15Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:02:19That's a funny place to keep a rabbit.
01:02:20Show your face, you coward!
01:02:21That's a funny place to keep a rabbit.
01:02:23Show your face, you coward!
01:02:25Show your face, you...
01:02:27Say it that, my boy, I would catch the man who was trying to kill you!
01:02:35You were dead.
01:02:37I just blew you back to life.
01:02:40You're not going to put it there, are you?
01:02:43Don't do it.
01:02:47Who is that?
01:02:50Oh, that's summer. Summer is coming.
01:02:59That must be him.
01:03:11I don't know how you managed to do all of us at once.
01:03:16You're a true master.
01:03:18Well, if I told you my secret, I'd have to kill you both.
01:03:24So close your eyes now, come on.
01:03:27Both of you, close your eyes.
01:03:29That's it.
01:03:39You can open them now.
01:03:43Your time is up, troll.
01:03:45You're coming with us.
01:03:46Where to?
01:03:47Grab him.
01:03:47Excuse me.
01:03:54Put me down, you shirtless.
01:03:55Oh, come on, troll.
01:03:56Now, wait, wait.
01:03:57I ain't a chance to punch my frequent tour card.
01:04:00Oh, keep it in your pants, troll.
01:04:03Tell me, brother.
01:04:04Hold up.
01:04:17Hold up.
01:04:19Please, look.
01:04:20Please.
01:04:22Come on, come on.
01:04:23Get in there.
01:04:24Please, look.
01:04:49Please.
01:04:50We have to be reasonable about this, Ian.
01:04:53If you explain what it is that you want, I'm sure we can sort it.
01:04:56If I'm not at the Perch Fest in the next couple of hours, all my family's going to come looking for me.
01:05:01Why did you do it?
01:05:03Why did I do what?
01:05:07Why did you do it?
01:05:09If you explain to me what it is that I did, perhaps I can tell you why I did it.
01:05:13Oh, I'm the bloody hell.
01:05:24I think I'm chafing from all the walking already.
01:05:28Oh, John, you wouldn't happen to have some of that oil you put on your hair to rub on my thighs, would you?
01:05:39Oh.
01:05:40What?
01:05:40What is it?
01:05:41Is the flesh too bright?
01:05:42No, no.
01:05:43We need to get out of here.
01:05:44Well, there is no way I'm leaving this party early.
01:05:48Stop, stop, stop.
01:05:50Look, I know the future and shit's about to pop off.
01:05:53Quick, take a photo of me holding the statue's tiny penis.
01:05:57Okay.
01:05:59How's that?
01:06:00Do I look like I'm holding it?
01:06:02Yeah, right on it.
01:06:04That's small enough?
01:06:05Yeah.
01:06:06Okay.
01:06:06Okay.
01:06:12Guys, I just farted.
01:06:23Quiet.
01:06:24Seriously, it's like a Dutch oven in here.
01:06:25What's the grape?
01:06:26Oh, grape.
01:06:27Oh, grape.
01:06:28I've discovered.
01:06:30No, my grape.
01:06:31Get down.
01:06:31Where is your mother and your brothers?
01:06:34Purge Fest was about to begin.
01:06:42Welcome to Purge Fest 3000.
01:06:46For as long as I can remember, my kingdom has been, well, it's been known for its sexual
01:06:54perversions, isn't it?
01:06:56And for its corruption.
01:07:00Violence, its betrayals, and its bloodshed.
01:07:03We're going to put an end to all that.
01:07:09There's going to be no more raping and no more killing around here.
01:07:14We're going to hand in our smartphones because I don't want no more pornography.
01:07:19And we're going to hand in all of our weapons and by, I mean everything, I mean no more kitchen
01:07:25knives, no more forks, nothing you can do nothing with.
01:07:28Didn't they read the invite?
01:07:35Most of the people in our kingdom are illiterate, my lord.
01:07:39They just heard there was free food and a party.
01:07:42I have the king just where I want him.
01:07:46Now, after just a little manipulation of Johnny Bang Bang, then it's just a matter of time
01:07:53before I mount the throne.
01:07:58Enough!
01:07:59I'm the fucking king.
01:08:02And I declare that the only one participating in these violent activities is going to be
01:08:09expelled from the Eight Kingdoms.
01:08:17What?
01:08:17The storks have kidnapped my little brother.
01:08:20I demand he be released immediately.
01:08:21Wait a minute.
01:08:22No, I mean, you told me this morning you wanted that little fella punished.
01:08:26Didn't you?
01:08:27Yes, I despise him.
01:08:30But he is still my little brother.
01:08:32I can't allow a stork to kidnap someone with my own blood.
01:08:36If they don't return him to us immediately, you must ban them from the Eight Kingdoms according
01:08:43to the declaration you just made.
01:08:46Come on, you wretched scus-bull.
01:08:53I'm going to get you already.
01:08:55Hold spill.
01:08:56Spig troll.
01:08:58Meet your guards as an honest man.
01:09:02Confess!
01:09:02Never!
01:09:03All right, I confess.
01:09:05All right, I confess.
01:09:05I confess.
01:09:06I choked him.
01:09:07Then slapped him all around the floor till he bled.
01:09:10I'm an evil man.
01:09:11Who are you talking about?
01:09:12The Lord Commander of the Southern Forces is here.
01:09:16In my pants.
01:09:17Would you like to meet him?
01:09:18Tell me the truth.
01:09:20All right, all right, I confess.
01:09:21I'm the reason why all the dragons are extinct.
01:09:23Oh.
01:09:24And I screwed them all into the extinction.
01:09:26Oh.
01:09:27I built the wall with my wank hammer.
01:09:30I stabbed the crazy king with my flesh saber.
01:09:32That's enough.
01:09:33You tried to kill my son.
01:09:35Oh.
01:09:37Why would I want to kill your son?
01:09:39I don't know.
01:09:40You tell me.
01:09:41Oh.
01:09:44What?
01:09:45No more wax?
01:09:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:09:54Yes.
01:09:56I got you.
01:09:59Hold up.
01:10:00Hold up.
01:10:01Hold up.
01:10:03Hold up.
01:10:07Oh, shit.
01:10:12What was that?
01:10:14The king gives you fireworks.
01:10:15What the fuck is that?
01:10:19What the fuck is that?
01:10:20Well, I guess we know.
01:10:25What happened to the dragon fire now?
01:10:29You check it out.
01:10:30I'll take care of the troll.
01:10:31Yes, mother.
01:10:34Oh, you're turning me on, you.
01:10:38Now we will have to find some other way to kill the king.
01:10:41Whoever did this must have known our plans.
01:10:44Where's your mother?
01:10:45She has the troll.
01:10:46She's trying to make him confess.
01:10:48You must go now and tell her to bring him to the feast immediately
01:10:50or entire families could be banned from the Eighth Kingdom.
01:10:54Yes, father.
01:10:54I should go now.
01:10:55This was the work of a true genius.
01:10:57Yes!
01:11:05Yes!
01:11:06I did it!
01:11:08I caught the moves!
01:11:10I am the dragon's master!
01:11:11This is so much better than anything here.
01:11:25Father, come to help.
01:11:29John, I thought you were at the wall.
01:11:32I heard you were in trouble, father.
01:11:34Who told you we might be in trouble?
01:11:36My friend Ham.
01:11:37Ham?
01:11:37The fat guy?
01:11:46Look, just one bite.
01:11:47No.
01:11:49No.
01:11:50I mean...
01:11:51Come on.
01:11:52Get out!
01:11:54Where is the troll?
01:11:57I know nothing about the troll.
01:11:59I swear to it.
01:12:00He's lying.
01:12:01Look at him.
01:12:02Release him at once or be banished from the kingdom, my brother.
01:12:07Glow before house.
01:12:09He is your grace.
01:12:11This troll tried to murder my son.
01:12:15That's not true.
01:12:16I'm innocent.
01:12:17That's a very low thing that you did there, troll.
01:12:22I'm going to have to cut you down to size.
01:12:25Since you're in the arena, I demand a trial by twerking.
01:12:41What's twerking?
01:12:42Allow me your grace to defend my family's honor.
01:12:45No, bastard.
01:12:46As the firstborn, I shall defend my mother's honor.
01:12:49The two of you, sit down.
01:12:51I'm the one who must defend my wife's honor.
01:12:55Hey!
01:12:56I will twerk the troll to death!
01:12:59Wait a second.
01:13:00You're four times the size of me.
01:13:02I demand a champion.
01:13:03I have the right.
01:13:04Well, who's your champion going to be?
01:13:06I name my nephew Gizzy Lays, my sister.
01:13:12Let's see him twerk.
01:13:13Oh, I can't twerk.
01:13:14I'm just a dick.
01:13:16Ha!
01:13:17It's about time you admitted it.
01:13:19Right.
01:13:20I choose...
01:13:22whore dog!
01:13:24Whore dog.
01:13:25Whore dog.
01:13:27Yes!
01:13:32It's me!
01:13:33Yes!
01:13:33Come on!
01:13:34Woo!
01:13:34Woo!
01:13:34Woo!
01:13:35Woo!
01:13:35Show him done!
01:13:38Get Charlie, get it, baby.
01:13:40We're loving you.
01:13:41Easy man.
01:13:42Come on.
01:13:45Kill.
01:13:46Yep.
01:13:46Yep.
01:13:47Nope.
01:13:47Nope.
01:13:50I do not wish to continue this battle.
01:13:54I will spare Hodor's life and let the troll live.
01:13:59I demand nothing in return.
01:14:01He was my friend.
01:14:02He was my friend.
01:14:06He could have been somewhere instead of a bomb.
01:14:09He could have been somewhere instead of a bomb.
01:14:09He could have been somewhere in a bomb.
01:14:18He could have been here.
01:14:20He could have been here.
01:14:20I won't.
01:14:21He could have been here.
01:14:22He could have jumped.
01:14:23I want you to die.
01:14:24to die!
01:14:31My own wife.
01:14:33My own beautiful wife.
01:14:37What happened to you?
01:14:41Jizzy's not your son.
01:14:44Jizzy's not your son.
01:14:50You're the elixir's like me.
01:14:53I'm my precious.
01:14:54I'm king.
01:14:56I'm king!
01:14:58Yes son, of course you're king.
01:15:00You're king.
01:15:07I'm king.
01:15:09And you're mine.
01:15:11I'm king.
01:15:13Okay, guards!
01:15:14Kill all the storks.
01:15:15Kill them all!
01:15:16Kill everyone!
01:15:17Wait, extend sense here.
01:15:18I want to give her a pearl necklace.
01:15:20And a foot rub.
01:15:30That's it.
01:15:41You want some, do ya?
01:15:51Do ya?
01:15:52No, no, no, no!
01:15:53Oh, no, no, no, no!
01:16:01That's it.
01:16:02I can't believe you, but they're all out of here!
01:16:14You bats have a wall!
01:16:23Stop!
01:16:32Hold on!
01:16:45Hold on!
01:16:48Hold on!
01:16:51Hold on!
01:17:02Who wants to see a money trick?
01:17:11Ah! I'm melting!
01:17:14Melting!
01:17:16Melting!
01:17:17Melting!
01:17:18This is Trumpet Arena, the greatest arena in the world. I own it!
01:17:35I strongly advise you to leave the area, sir.
01:17:37I am so sick of you, Miller. You don't know anything!
01:17:41But I just want to protect you, sir.
01:17:44We could have made American Train again!
01:17:46Idiot!
01:17:47People of Wild Western World, I've done everything for you!
01:17:53And all I ask in return is that you capture that woman and grab her by the pussy!
01:18:02Grab her by the pussy!
01:18:16I'm in!
01:18:29Well, if it isn't John Doe!
01:18:33How's the life of an inbreak, Prince?
01:18:35It's going great, thanks. How's life being a Mexican gardener?
01:18:37Let's go, Princess.
01:18:38Go, Princess.
01:18:44Oh, Jesus.
01:18:46Good night, Mexican.
01:18:47I told you, I'm motherfuckers you're always going to die.
01:19:00I told you a mother fucker's yours no doubt.
01:19:14I told you a mother fucker's yours no doubt.
01:19:24Living.
01:19:25The throne is mine.
01:19:27The god damn throne is mine.
01:19:36Wow.
01:19:46Seven kingdoms.
01:19:48Now all perished.
01:19:51Death is certain.
01:19:53Life is not.
01:19:57But not in this movie.
01:20:00You didn't think we were actually going to kill everybody did you?
01:20:02Come on man this is Hollywood.
01:20:04We need a sequel.
01:20:05It goes lights can't reaction when I step into the limelight easily adapted to the high life.
01:20:30Dress to impress like it's prom night.
01:20:33And when you live in top shelf you know you gotta set the bar high.
01:20:36Had the same dreams since we was kids.
01:20:38Big dreams and big cars and even bigger cribs.
01:20:40Never thought that it would happen just the way it did.
01:20:43Fast forward that now it's just the way we live.
01:20:45Let's go food and drinks.
01:20:47No more makes you think that this life's made for a king.
01:20:51The room starts to shake so smooth if you blink.
01:20:53You might just miss the whole thing.
01:20:55It's just the day.
01:20:56You want it in the high life.
01:21:00So many different things you don't want it in the high life.
01:21:05Let's go food and drinks.
01:21:08No more makes you think that this life's made for a king.
01:21:10There's so many different things you don't want it in the high life.
01:21:16And now girls, girls, girls are you dumb
01:21:18The cool pony's here too
01:21:20But in the back I got four
01:21:21Talking about this high life
01:21:22I mean as high as it go
01:21:24That's kites, planes, clouds
01:21:25The bank accounts that I own
01:21:26Funny thing it all started
01:21:28From a pen and a poem
01:21:29Good evening to Peripheral American Dragon
01:21:31I'm here with one of the
01:21:32Well, the soul funder, actually
01:21:35Of this movie
01:21:36Mr. Donald J. Trump
01:21:39Yes, Donald J. Trump
01:21:40The J's for John
01:21:42For John?
01:21:43For John
01:21:43I thought it was for Jesus now
01:21:45So you produced Peripheral Thrones
01:21:47And you're one of the characters
01:21:48Tell us, how did you audition for the role?
01:21:51Uh, good question
01:21:52This is a skin I shedded
01:21:54Like a snake
01:21:56At least three weeks ago
01:21:57We're here with two of our
01:21:59Lovely cast members
01:22:01Would you like to introduce yourselves?
01:22:02First of all, I am just lovely without this
01:22:05What's this?
01:22:07You did it
01:22:08Yeah, lovely
01:22:08I was just like, you know, emphasising it
01:22:11Now you said you had a penis voice
01:22:12What's your penis voice?
01:22:13My penis voice is a little bit deep
01:22:15How's it going, Mum?
01:22:18Living the Mother of Dragon dream
01:22:20What is that dream?
01:22:23I'm conquering the kingdoms
01:22:24Eight kingdoms?
01:22:26Yeah, I think
01:22:27And what are these kingdoms?
01:22:30Oh, shut up
01:22:31I don't know
01:22:32Does it really matter?
01:22:35Apparently not
01:22:36Do you want some?
01:22:44So, tell us about Peripheral Thrones
01:22:47Are you going to have the whole thing?
01:22:52Yeah, I'm a growing dragon
01:22:53This is the castle they've given me to reside in
01:22:58For the rest of my life
01:23:00They originally thought it was to the end of the shoot
01:23:02But actually they just took out their word and replaced it with life
01:23:04So this is now my genuine castle
01:23:06Some of it's on flames, yeah
01:23:08We just put some of it on fire
01:23:10So we've got about 20 minutes before that place burns to the ground
01:23:13And we lose yet another English heritage site
01:23:16During the process
01:23:17What moment has led you to feel most in tune with yourself on set?
01:23:22Whiskey
01:23:22Whiskey, Green
01:23:23Thanks so much
01:23:24Great job
01:23:25Thank you very much
01:23:26What do you enjoy most about Peripheral Thrones?
01:23:36Well, obviously everyone
01:23:37Because everyone's been great
01:23:39Most people just save the money
01:23:40No, because I'm not going to get paid
01:23:43I'm just
01:23:43Really?
01:23:44Yeah, yeah
01:23:44I'm just hanging out
01:23:45I guess that's how they afford everyone else's exorbitant things
01:23:49Exactly
01:23:49You're not helping me with
01:23:51How am I supposed to answer serious questions?
01:23:53You're not helping me to a man who's dressed like
01:23:55I'm a genuine magic dragon
01:23:56I'm going to work
01:23:57I'm directing this
01:23:58I wrote this
01:23:59And I'm funding this
01:24:00This is going to be the biggest film in the history of films
01:24:04Since, what, the Titanic
01:24:05Which is huge
01:24:06But this is going to sweep the Academy Awards next year
01:24:09Just sweep it
01:24:10We're going to make purging great again
01:24:13No one purges like me
01:24:14You know what?
01:24:15Make purging great again?
01:24:16Yes
01:24:16That's what we're going for
01:24:17That's what we're going for
01:24:18No one purges like me
01:24:19I don't think they've paid enough gold for this, guys
01:24:20All of this is lies
01:24:22It's a bunch of crap
01:24:24It's crap
01:24:25These guys are losers
01:24:26They're lightweights
01:24:28They're nobodies
01:24:29They don't know me
01:24:30They don't know how great I am
01:24:32All they do is spread disinformation about me
01:24:36I am so sick of watching this crap
01:24:39Every single night
01:24:40They don't know me
01:24:41They don't know how tremendous I am
01:24:43They don't know how fantastic I am
01:24:44What a great guy I am
01:24:45What a great businessman I am
01:24:47This is all just fake news
01:24:49Every single night
01:24:50It's just fake news
01:24:51About me
01:24:52And I'm a really, really nice guy
01:24:55And I shouldn't be picked on like this
01:24:57PANTS
01:24:59WITHHow to do it
01:24:59This guy is going to know
01:25:00I am about to start
01:25:01in the morning
01:25:01Certainly
01:25:02You have to do could happen
01:25:03So maybe you would need to know
01:25:04And so we want to know
01:25:05Do you know what to do
01:25:06And so I have to impact it
01:25:07I am a really kind of
01:25:08We're going to do
01:25:09Do you know what to do
01:25:09And so I have to think
01:25:10Need a little name
01:25:10Because we're going to tell you
01:25:10That's not my story
01:25:12I'm pretty close it
01:25:12Ohh
01:25:12I'm pretty close it
01:25:13And so I know
01:25:14I am staying in rigtig
01:25:14And so I have to be
01:25:15You know
01:25:16See
01:25:16I have to admit
01:25:17If you would need to make everything
01:25:19Allının
01:25:19But I am going to ب
01:25:21Something 35
01:25:21And so to add
01:25:21It's just fake news
01:25:22You get it