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00:00Where are the cameras?
00:05The cameras are coming.
00:06Oh, restaurant 911?
00:08Is this the one they filmed at the Lunchbox?
00:11Uh, yeah.
00:11What gave it away?
00:12Harris and the family on TV?
00:15If only my eyes were that good small person with a blurry face and dark hair.
00:22Sit down.
00:23You didn't miss much.
00:23So far, it's just been Chef Chestnut telling Jackie that her cooking is the enemy of taste
00:28buds everywhere.
00:29I could jab a knife into my hip, and I'd cry real tears.
00:34I can't believe how these Hollywood types cut this show together.
00:37I look all defensive and crazy.
00:42Yeah, they didn't cut anything.
00:44It's one long shot.
00:45There's no way I was glaring at the guy like that.
00:48That's obviously a special effect.
00:51And you hear how they make my voice sound?
00:53It's all shrill and angry.
00:57That's exactly what you sound like.
00:59No, I don't.
01:00America thinks all women sound like that.
01:02That's the problem.
01:04I gotta pee.
01:08Pretty weird seeing yourself on TV, right?
01:10Yeah.
01:11I always thought the first time I saw myself would be on cops stealing copper wire out of streetlights.
01:18By the way, apropos of nothing, where do you actually take the copper wire to get that money?
01:25Finance is a little tight lately.
01:27Yeah.
01:27I've been having a hard time keeping up.
01:30Aren't you living in sin with a pilot?
01:34I'm not gonna ask him for money.
01:37But I will occasionally take a 20 out of his wallet as an open bathroom door tax.
01:42Mom, look.
01:43There's Ben falling in love with Adam Chestnut on TV.
01:47But that's a nice reminder of what your husband looks like, huh?
01:50Well, if you think I'm bothered that I never see him anymore because he's launching a magazine, you're wrong.
01:55Maybe someday somebody will love you enough to avoid you at all costs.
02:00Aw, there you are, Grandpa.
02:02You look great.
02:03Yeah.
02:04I think standing again while I brush my teeth is really paying off.
02:07Hey, Tyler.
02:16He's watching it from New York.
02:18Oh, honey.
02:20I don't think my eyes look like sparkling diamonds.
02:24They're blue.
02:25They're more like brilliant sapphires.
02:29Oh, you're missing a 20?
02:32Oh, it might be somebody from my low-life family.
02:35Everybody says hi.
02:36Wow, we already have over a thousand new followers on the Lunchbox Instagram from the show.
02:43Anything on there about how the previous owner's passion and intellect shines through the cracks of this show's obvious smear campaign against her?
02:53Uh, no, but someone did make a nice gif comparing you to a howler monkey.
03:00You know, I don't mean to brag, but Tyler's right.
03:04I look pretty good on TV.
03:07I bet some of those Lunchbox followers want to see more of me.
03:10Well, you are attractive to people who don't know you yet.
03:15Maybe I should be an influencer.
03:17They make a lot of money.
03:19I got plenty of riz.
03:20I just got to figure out my hook.
03:23Well, here's a guy with a million followers being kicked in the groin by a kangaroo.
03:27That could be you.
03:30Hey, Gene.
03:31Hey, how you doing, Dan?
03:32Great.
03:33Come on in.
03:34Everybody, this is Gene.
03:37Now, Jackie, I know you're still mad at me about not suing the drug company over Roseanne,
03:42so as a peace offering, I thought I'd introduce you to a really good lawyer.
03:45Oh, we know each other.
03:47Last time Gene and I saw each other was in court when her client allegedly contracted hepatitis
03:54in the bathroom at the Lunchbox.
03:57Really?
03:58Not the kitchen?
04:00Well, he was a member of the city council, and I had no idea a lot of them were intravenous
04:05drug users.
04:10Well, she helped me sue a contractor once.
04:13Bastard didn't tell me about his unstable roof.
04:16Oh, and I wish I could have gotten you more for that, but you weren't paralyzed.
04:20Oh, so much of this is luck.
04:23Oh, terrible.
04:26All these new cars have automatic braking, so you can't throw yourself in front of one
04:30and make an honest buck anymore.
04:33Well, I'm going to grab a beer.
04:36Shall we take this to the kitchen?
04:40Colvin?
04:41Oh, I'd love one, but I've got to blow into my ignition to start my car.
04:46Just so you know, I'm only suing because somebody's got to stand up to these pharmaceutical companies
04:55when the deceased partner won't do it.
04:58Well, it's a better case if the spouse lays out the whole experience really selling the
05:03pain and suffering.
05:04It's called Loss of Consortium, and you establish that.
05:09Well, the three cherries come up on the slot machine, the sirens go off, and everyone in
05:13the casino wishes they were you.
05:16I'm talking about the death of my wife here.
05:21Oh, I'm sorry.
05:21No, that was insensitive.
05:24You like boats.
05:28There's nothing for grief like being out in the open water with a beer in one hand,
05:34Marlin pole in the other.
05:37Hey, and if you get out into international waters,
05:39ho, ho, ho, you can do all kinds of nasty stuff.
05:44I'll remember that, but I'm not going to change my mind, Dean.
05:47Okay.
05:48Of course.
05:48I will just leave the paperwork with Jackie and get it back to me as quick as you can.
05:53Yeah, yeah.
05:55Sure.
05:56Thank you, Dan.
05:58Hey, Jackie, you think you'd mind if I hung out a bit?
06:02Because I'd actually really love that beer.
06:05But I've got to drink a gallon of water and wait a few hours,
06:09unless you've got a skateboard.
06:10You've got a skateboard?
06:15No.
06:16No.
06:18Don't have that.
06:21Um...
06:22You can just let yourself out.
06:35The Connors is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
06:49Hey, Jackie, thank you again for coming in to help.
06:52I knew the TV show was going to bring in a lot of people,
06:54but, I mean, this is pretty crazy.
06:56No, no worries.
06:57It feels great to tie the apron strings
06:59and get back in the saddle again.
07:02Oh, she still purrs for Mama.
07:04Well, this might be my fault.
07:10I think they're here just to get a peek at me,
07:12just to see if I'm for real.
07:14They probably thought I was AI
07:16because of all the perfection and everything.
07:20Before you fall into that lake you're looking into,
07:23would you please deliver this grilled cheese
07:24to that customer at the end of the counter?
07:26Yeah, sure.
07:29Sorry, I'm getting ready for my first live stream.
07:32You're going to have to hire more people.
07:34Once I get enough followers, I'll get paid sponsors,
07:37and I won't have to work here anymore.
07:39Not to mention the disability money
07:40you'll be getting from your break with reality.
07:45What's up, single moms?
07:47It's your girl Becky from Restaurant 911.
07:50But I'm more than a hot waitress.
07:53I'm a hot mom,
07:55student,
07:56girlfriend,
07:56and someone who can still fit in her high school jeans.
08:00Speaking of hot moms who can do it all...
08:04This is my daughter, Beverly Rose.
08:09Hey, can I help you with your homework?
08:12You never ask me that.
08:13Why are you asking me now?
08:14I ask to help you all the time.
08:19She's a little camera shy.
08:21No, I'm not.
08:21I just don't need attention like you.
08:23Oh, my gosh.
08:27Look who it is.
08:28Hey, it's my boss, Harris,
08:31the owner of the lunchbox.
08:33What up, niece?
08:34Please don't mention me,
08:35the lunchbox,
08:35or America.
08:36We're all embarrassed for you.
08:38Oh, oh.
08:42Got a lot of comments coming.
08:45Oh, I guess you want to see
08:47Beverly Rose again.
08:51Oh, nope.
08:52She's on to us.
08:55Less of the desperate old blonde,
08:57more of the sarcastic kid.
08:59Okay, hey.
09:01We don't want any of that
09:02hateful trolling here, okay?
09:06Excuse me?
09:08Shut up, Reese Deliverspoon.
09:17Hey.
09:18Hey.
09:19How about this?
09:21Ben felt so bad
09:22about putting our relationship
09:24on the back burner
09:24that he set up this romantic dinner.
09:27Oh, he even printed up
09:29this little card.
09:31I hate when we're apart,
09:32but it just makes our time together
09:33more special,
09:34and it's signed B.
09:36Oh.
09:36Oh.
09:38Yeah, B.
09:39For Becky.
09:40I wrote that.
09:43Wait, what?
09:44It's for Tyler.
09:46I told him people were being
09:47mean to me online,
09:48so he's flying back from Paris
09:50just to spend some time
09:51with me for a couple hours.
09:53I mean, who does that, right?
09:54Well, I let myself get happy
09:57for a second,
09:58so I had it coming.
10:01Sorry, and this may not be
10:03the best timing,
10:04but, uh,
10:05Ben came by
10:06and told me to tell you
10:07that he grabbed some clothes
10:08because he has to sleep
10:10at the office again tonight.
10:13Did he say if he was sleeping
10:14in the front or back
10:16of the office?
10:16I don't want to drive my car
10:18through the wrong part.
10:18I know it's rough,
10:22but he's not going to be
10:23working around the clock forever.
10:25Well, he says that,
10:26but he's just setting up
10:27the magazine right now.
10:28When he's in production,
10:29the hours are going to be
10:30even worse.
10:31Sorry about that.
10:32Oh, and if you don't mind,
10:34uh, could you stay in your room
10:35for the next few hours
10:36so that all of this
10:38doesn't kill the mood tonight?
10:39Uh, don't worry.
10:43I'm going to go to the Lobo
10:44because all of this
10:46doesn't want to see
10:47all of that
10:48get all worked up
10:49and do something disgusting
10:50on top of all of this.
10:57Hey.
10:58I saw your truck outside.
11:02What are you watching?
11:03Highlights of the Bulls game,
11:04but that got depressing,
11:06so I flipped over
11:07to a documentary
11:08about microplastics.
11:09I like knowing
11:12what I'm putting in my body.
11:14Did you know they found them
11:15in 100% of human testicles?
11:21Well, we have to talk.
11:23I filled out all the paperwork
11:25and Jean says,
11:26I don't have a case.
11:27I was never financially
11:28supported by Roseanne
11:30and she didn't live with me,
11:32so unless you sue, it's over.
11:34Why are you even here?
11:36Well, Jean told me
11:37the same thing
11:38and I knew you'd try
11:39to hunt me down
11:40at the house,
11:40so I came here.
11:42It's the best hiding place
11:43I could think of with pie.
11:46Jean says,
11:47you have a slam dunk case.
11:50I don't know how many times
11:51I could tell you
11:52or how many ways
11:53to show you.
11:54It's blood money
11:55and I don't want it.
11:56Yeah, I knew you
11:57were going to say that.
11:57Um, I was going through
12:00some texts from Roseanne
12:01from 2018
12:02to get details
12:03for the lawyer
12:03and I found something
12:05that I want to read to you.
12:06This is the night
12:07before she had her knee surgery.
12:08She was on pain pills, Jackie.
12:10We all got strange texts.
12:12She thought you were an alien.
12:15I texted Beth.
12:16That explains a lot,
12:17but the truth is probably
12:18more disturbing than that.
12:20Okay, I'll just listen to this.
12:23I'm worried sick about Dan.
12:25If I can't work again,
12:27he'll push himself to cover us
12:28and it'll kill him.
12:29He's worked so damn hard
12:31his whole life.
12:32I just want him to be able
12:34to kick his feet up one day
12:35and I don't see the kids
12:36being able to help him.
12:37I don't see Becky
12:38ever putting down the bottle
12:40or Darlene ever being able
12:41to trap another man.
12:45And then I wrote back to her,
12:47you're being silly.
12:48You'll be fine
12:49and you guys will live
12:50a long, happy life together.
12:52And that is one of the last
12:53times we ever texted.
12:55The last one was,
12:58you're an idiot,
13:00you're ruining your life,
13:01you're da-da-da-da-da-da.
13:02Yeah, God, I miss her.
13:08Well, she was wrong.
13:10I'm fine.
13:11Are you?
13:12You paid off the house,
13:13but that used up
13:14all the insurance money
13:15and I know your pension's
13:16not that much,
13:17so you're basically living
13:18off a social security.
13:20Roseanne wanted you
13:21to have more.
13:22Okay, Jackie, I got it.
13:25I've got another hiding place,
13:26but this one has cake.
13:28Don't follow me.
13:32Well, my last beer
13:34was from Colorado,
13:35so let's keep heading west
13:37and follow the Oregon Trail.
13:39I want to feel the same
13:39sense of adventure
13:40the pioneers felt,
13:42you know,
13:42minus the rattlesnake bites
13:43and the cannibalism.
13:46Hi.
13:47Sorry to bother you,
13:48but could you take
13:49a picture of us?
13:50Oh, sure, no problem.
13:53Okay.
13:55Actually, can you take
13:56another one with us
13:57looking into each other's eyes?
14:00I don't feel good about it,
14:01but I can.
14:05Right.
14:06Now maybe just one more
14:07where we're kissing.
14:07Uh, listen.
14:12My beer came all the way
14:13from Oregon to be with me,
14:14and I don't want to be rude
14:15and make it wait,
14:16so last one, all right?
14:20Okay.
14:24It's enough, you guys.
14:27Uh, no.
14:30Hank, why'd you do that?
14:32Because you're disgusting,
14:34and no one wants to see you guys
14:35frenching like a couple
14:36of horny teenagers.
14:37Bye.
14:40Or is it because nobody
14:41wants to do that with you,
14:42bitch?
14:46Are you serious?
14:47Hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:48No, no.
14:49This isn't about you, bro.
14:50No, no, don't touch me.
14:52Don't touch me, bro.
14:53You don't touch me.
14:53No, you still...
14:54Come on.
14:56Damn it.
14:57Let's get out of here.
14:59Yeah, that's right.
15:00You better walk away.
15:02I am so sorry.
15:05Are you okay?
15:07Yeah.
15:07Crap, does it look okay?
15:10Uh, well, if you wanted
15:12the blood on the outside
15:14of your nose,
15:14then you'd nail it.
15:16Okay.
15:17Uh, can we get
15:18something cold for his face?
15:22Do you have anything domestic?
15:24I don't even know this guy.
15:25Again, I am so sorry.
15:31I don't usually fight
15:32with people like that.
15:34Uh, to be honest,
15:35they were driving me crazy, too.
15:36There's something about
15:37people being happy in public.
15:40It's just wrong.
15:42Right?
15:43That's why I came here tonight.
15:45It's dark.
15:46Everybody's depressed
15:47and miserable.
15:47These are my people.
15:48If you want to be happy,
15:50you go to Chi-Chi's.
15:52Yeah, I hear you.
15:53I just, uh,
15:54separated from my wife
15:56and all I want is a beer
15:58and to look around
15:59at people who are
16:00worse off than me.
16:01Look no further.
16:02You found your gal.
16:05Yeah, what's your sad story?
16:07My husband is working 24-7,
16:09so I'm alone a lot
16:10and I miss him.
16:13What's he do
16:13that keeps him so busy?
16:15He is starting
16:16a hardware magazine.
16:19Why?
16:20We're not supposed
16:23to ask that.
16:24Uh, he's going
16:25through something.
16:26I don't know.
16:27Yeah.
16:28Well, not being
16:28with your partner
16:29sucks, right?
16:30It's like every song
16:31you hear is about
16:32breaking up
16:33and everybody you see
16:34is in love
16:35and the little gecko
16:36in the insurance commercial
16:38says,
16:39you're gonna die alone.
16:42Oh, no,
16:43that could have been
16:43the edible.
16:44Uh, two more beers, please.
16:48Oh, I'm Darlene,
16:49by the way.
16:50Chad.
16:51Mmm, Chad.
16:53Were you just playing
16:54your hot sax
16:55over at St. Elmo's Fire?
16:59Yeah, I wouldn't be
17:00making fun of names
17:01if I had one
17:02that sounds like
17:02you got done wrong
17:03by your two-timing man.
17:05Darlene.
17:05Yeah, you think
17:10you're funny, huh?
17:11All right, I like that.
17:13Cheers.
17:18Hey.
17:19Haven't seen you
17:20go live for a while.
17:21What's up?
17:22Did you see
17:23any of the comments?
17:25Mm, I glanced.
17:26Uh, I saw the word
17:27desperate a lot
17:28and also the word old.
17:30And then various
17:31combinations of the two.
17:33Yeah, they were brutal.
17:35It was like having
17:36a thousand Darlene's
17:37coming at me
17:38but without any
17:39of the fake love
17:40underneath.
17:42Did you ever go
17:43to a carnival
17:43and see the game
17:45where you throw a ball
17:46and if it hits
17:47the bullseye,
17:47some poor dumbass
17:49gets dunked
17:49in the water tank?
17:51They were looking at that
17:51when they built social media.
17:53Well, I'm done.
17:54As much as I need
17:55the money,
17:56that whole influencer thing
17:58is too toxic.
17:59I understand.
18:00You have to protect yourself.
18:02Oh, no.
18:03No, not me.
18:04I'm tough.
18:05I can take it.
18:07It's bad for Beverly Rose.
18:09She's worked too hard
18:10to overcome her issues
18:12to leave her self-esteem
18:14in the hands
18:15of those monsters.
18:17Yeah.
18:18Uh, for the record,
18:20I think she looks
18:21pretty damn good
18:22for her age.
18:26She went through a phase
18:27where she smoked
18:28and drank,
18:29but seeing out
18:31of the sun
18:31saved her.
18:37Want some company?
18:39From the very bottom
18:41of my heart,
18:42no.
18:44Dad,
18:44we all have a little
18:46something to say
18:46to you.
18:48I'm on Team Jackie.
18:50She showed us the text,
18:51and it's pretty clear
18:53that Mom would want you
18:54to get money
18:55from the drug company.
18:57Dad,
18:58it is also clear
18:59that Mom thought
19:00we would never be capable
19:02of taking care of you.
19:03And the sad news is,
19:04even though we are doing
19:05a little bit better,
19:06and I did manage
19:07to trap a man,
19:08you're probably still
19:10on your own.
19:11Grandpa,
19:12you took me and Mom
19:13and Mark in
19:14when we had no place
19:15else to go,
19:15so I just want you
19:17to know that
19:17wherever I go,
19:19you can live
19:19in the basement.
19:20Yes,
19:21we're trying to talk
19:22him into suing.
19:22Do not give him options.
19:25It's okay, Jackie.
19:26Even with the generous
19:27offer of me
19:28living underground,
19:29I have no intention
19:30of being a burden
19:31on any of you.
19:34Okay,
19:35Mr. Stoick.
19:36We're running out of time.
19:37There's a statute
19:38of limitations
19:39on these things.
19:40She died six and a half
19:41years ago.
19:42It's now or never?
19:47It's now.
19:49I knew this was
19:50going to be hard
19:51on me to do this,
19:52but now that I realize
19:53what Rosie wanted for me,
19:55I'm not going
19:56to let her down.
19:59So,
20:00you let us all
20:01make these stupid
20:02little speeches
20:03and you knew
20:03the whole time
20:04you were going to sue?
20:05I'm on Social Security.
20:07This is my entertainment.
20:09I knew the minute
20:11Jackie read the text
20:12and I talked it over
20:13with Louise
20:14and she agrees.
20:16But thank you all
20:17for worrying about me.
20:19If we get anything
20:20from this lawsuit,
20:21I will extend
20:22the same amount
20:23of security to you
20:24as what is extended
20:26to me.
20:28Did I say basement?
20:29I meant the big bedroom.
20:31Too late.
20:33They're taking money
20:34from big corporations
20:35that killed your spouse.
20:37Here.
20:39Very heartfelt
20:39and not usable
20:40in many situations.
20:45Seriously digging
20:46this Massachusetts IPA.
20:48You could just tell
20:49the hops were ground
20:50by hand
20:51by real Boston artisans.
20:52You could really
20:53taste the notes
20:54of cheese
20:54in my Wisconsin lager.
20:57That's a Miller Lite.
20:59Oh, I might have
21:00dripped some
21:00of my mozzarella stick
21:01in there.
21:03Hello, Connor clan.
21:06Good to see you.
21:08Dan,
21:09got your paperwork
21:10right here.
21:11We're going to win
21:12this thing.
21:14Hey, can I get
21:14an Alaskan ale
21:16and six glasses
21:17of water?
21:19Well, I'm here
21:20for three hours.
21:22What do you guys
21:22want to talk about?
21:23Yeah.