Game of Thrones available for digital download at www.iTunes.com/GameofThrones
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00:00Okay, newbie, we've only got a few minutes and a lot to cover, so listen up.
00:06The first thing you need to know about this world is...
00:09No! Not dragons!
00:11Fuck those dragons! Focus!
00:13The seasons in this place last a ridiculously long time, so when we start this, everyone has just come out of a long, long summer.
00:20So let's just say, they ain't too happy about winter coming.
00:23Winter is coming.
00:24Winter is coming.
00:25Winter is coming!
00:27Stop that. You're making me uncomfortable.
00:30Over in Westeros, Lord Eddard Stark, a.k.a. Ned, is asked by his friend, the King, Robert Baratheon, to be the Hand of the King, a.k.a. Right Hand Man.
00:40Ned doesn't want to go, but that's his boy!
00:42So he uproots his family and heads to King's Landing.
00:45Nice family, right?
00:47Don't get attached.
00:49I'm just saying.
00:51Over on Essos, the exiled children of House Targaryen want King Robert dead and the throne back in their family.
00:57Before Robert, it belonged to their father, the Mad King, who tried to burn everybody in the kingdom to a crisp with wildfire until this motherfucker killed him.
01:05Now, he's the King's brother-in-law, the Queen's twin brother.
01:08Put a pin in that, because that's important.
01:11Now, Daenerys Targaryen gets married off to Khal Drogo, leader of the Dothraki, in exchange for using their badass army to take the throne back.
01:19At least, that was the plan.
01:22Oh, and she got some eggs as a gift.
01:24Beautiful, right?
01:26Okay, now, the last place you need to know about is this 300-mile-long, 700-foot-high ice wall.
01:32The Night's Watch defend the wall against their sworn enemies, the Wildlings.
01:36But that's not the only thing they need to worry about.
01:39And some time has passed now, and all hell has broken loose because of some things I don't have time to explain.
01:45Just know that in all seven of the kings of the Westeros, peacetime is done.
01:50Finito.
01:52Everybody thinks they should sit on the Iron Throne.
01:56This guy, this guy, this guy, too.
01:59But the guy who's on the throne now is the heir.
02:03He's not exactly humble about it, either.
02:05The king can do as he likes.
02:07People doubt the legitimacy of his right to the throne because his uncle and mom, the Queen,
02:12are a little too...
02:15close.
02:17Come on, baby.
02:19Let's tease the night.
02:23Remember those lovely eggs?
02:25Well, Danny found a way to hatch them.
02:27And, yes, you guessed it.
02:29Three little dragon babies.
02:32Oh, they're so cute.
02:36Over on that big ice wall, Jon Snow, Ned's illegitimate son,
02:40and the rest of the Night's Watch are really getting worried about the wildlings on the other side.
02:45And these motherfuckers are cold.
02:48Which is why everybody should be worried about this long-ass winter coming, but instead are too busy fighting.
02:54Meanwhile, Danny's dragons finally got bigger.
02:59Oh, relax. Not that much.
03:01She still needs an army if she wants that throne.
03:04So she heads over to Slaver's Bay to try and get one.
03:07Nobody seems to have any idea that the White Walkers are about to wipe out everybody.
03:13The Seven Kingdoms, the wildlings, everybody.
03:17The only one with a clue aside from Jon Snow seems to be her.
03:21This war of five kings means nothing.
03:24Meanwhile, this jerk is still on the Iron Throne.
03:28So right now, House Lannister is winning this game.
03:31If you want justice, you've come to the wrong place.
03:35And the only reason they're winning is the wealthy House Tyrell is backing them.
03:39So this asshole has to marry her to fuse the families together.
03:43So, what happened to all the stocks, you ask?
03:46Well, let me tell you. They're not doing so well.
03:49Rob, his wife, and his mother, well, let's just say some wedding invitations you shouldn't have climbed.
03:55Sansa's stuck in King's Landing with this motherfucker.
03:58And Arya teams up with this scary-looking dude to survive.
04:03Brand. Brand tripping.
04:05Meanwhile, nobody's paying attention to Dany, who did pretty well for herself.
04:10The dragons are even bigger and can now do some serious damage.
04:14She's got thousands of followers and 8,000 of the baddest soldiers in the land.
04:20Now that's formation.
04:24But she's not the only one who has an army, see?
04:26The White Walkers, the scary motherfuckers, they got one too.
04:30The Night Watch is trying the best they can to stop them.
04:36And remember what I said about winter a few minutes ago?
04:39It's almost here, and still ain't nobody ready.
04:43Even though they've been saying, winter's coming for four seasons now.
04:48And Cersei thinks she's a good leader, but she ain't.
04:51She's pretty much Marie Antoinette in this whole situation.
04:54The people. You think I care?
04:57So the people turn against the leaders and turn to religion.
05:01A dangerous one.
05:03As for the Starks, well, Arya's working on her revenge dance,
05:07and Jon Snow is still with the Night's Watch defending the Wall.
05:11So, let's look at the Wall again, shall we?
05:14Remember, Jon knows that the White Walkers, a.k.a. Army of the Dead, are coming.
05:19And being the good guy that he is, decides to try and save the Wildlings from getting wiped out.
05:23The Night's Watch aren't exactly thrilled about this idea, but Jon doesn't care.
05:27He's the Lord Commander, and they have to do as they're told.
05:30And remember that other battle Jon fought we didn't have time to show you?
05:34Well, that's nothing. Nothing compared to...
05:37Man, listen. Trust me.
05:40I wish I had time to show you this battle, but it is sick!
05:45Anyway, back to Dany.
05:48More power, more problems.
05:50She's having trouble controlling everybody.
05:53The former slaves, the masters, these guys with the masks.
05:56Even her dragons ain't fans of hers right now.
05:59And what's worse, before, nobody even knew she had dragons, and she wasn't a threat.
06:04Now everybody knows she had dragons.
06:08And right about now, she could use some solid advice as to what to do next.
06:12I am the gift.
06:14He is! Tyrion! Sure, he's a Lannister and he's a lush, but hey, don't hold that against him.
06:19You're going to advise me.
06:21Now, let's check in on the Starkids one more time.
06:24Sansa can't catch a break and is now stuck in the worst relationship of her life with this dickhead.
06:32As for Arya, a girl has decided to boost her skill set by becoming no one.
06:37And out of nowhere, Jon Snow's men show him just how much they didn't appreciate risking their lives to try and save the wildlings.
06:44And of course, we all know what happened next, because it was huge, huge.
06:49Oh, you don't, huh?
06:52Wait, what?
06:54Oh, sorry, folks.
06:56We run out of time.
06:58Shame, shame, shame.
07:01Because all of this is nothing compared to what we didn't have a chance to get into.
07:07The backstabbing, the lying, the cheating, the parts that'll make you feel uncomfortable.
07:12The parts that will break your heart.
07:14Epic battles.
07:15I mean, you need to see it for yourself.
07:17You really do.
07:18Huh?
07:19What?
07:20Yes!
07:21Yes, okay, yeah, yeah.
07:22Yes, we have dragons.
07:23After all that, you're still stuck on these fucking dragons?
07:26Okay, you want to see a dragon, motherfucker?
07:29All right, here you go.
07:30Here you fucking go.
07:33You happy now?