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00:00The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:11Some of this is going out at 8pm pre-Watershed,
00:14so a little reminder to you and to me that less swearing,
00:17cos you can swear a bit. Are you OK with that?
00:19Yeah, I'm fine.
00:21LAUGHTER
00:23He's worse than me. Honestly, I'm a nightmare, Rob.
00:26You should have heard him out there,
00:28he's worse than me.
00:30LAUGHTER
00:45Welcome to Rob Beckett's Smart TV,
00:47a quiz about TV that's like University Challenge
00:50if you have a PhD and be an absolute ledge.
00:53As always, I'm joined by my two team captains.
00:56One has the face of daytime TV,
00:58and he has the face of a ten-year-old boy
01:00who's lost his mum in Asda.
01:02It's Adam and Josh Widdicombe!
01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:09On Josh's team tonight is a BAFTA award-winning actor,
01:12writer and comedian who spent his last appearance here
01:15complaining about the format, lack of buzzers
01:17and his pathetic knowledge of TV.
01:19God knows why he's come back.
01:21He's Richard Abadie!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26Also on Josh's team is a Strictly judge who once said,
01:29you might sit there grumbling about the state of the world,
01:32then you see Tony Adams doing a samba
01:34and suddenly there's nothing to complain about.
01:37Yeah, shut up, Zelensky.
01:39It's Moxie Babusi!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:46On Alison's team tonight is a presenter, author, podcaster,
01:49comedian, astronaut, chef and mafia boss.
01:51We'll pick the most up-to-date in the edit.
01:53It's Richard Osman!
01:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:58Also on Alison's team is a telly icon who starred in EastEnders,
02:01done Celeb Bake Off, uncovered his royal roots
02:03and called David Cameron a twat.
02:05Feast your mince pies on this, you sag!
02:07It's Danny Dyer!
02:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:14OK, we've got two Richards on the show tonight,
02:16one who claims to know little about TV, you,
02:18and one to know quite a fair bit.
02:20You know loads about telly, don't you, Richard?
02:22Well, I don't know about that. I'll tell you one thing I do know,
02:24you introduced it as Rob Beckett's Smart TV.
02:26Everything around me, all the expensive stuff,
02:28just says Smart TV.
02:30Yeah, it does.
02:32That says to me that you'd be very, very easy to replace.
02:36It's on my cards, they give me.
02:38It's on the absolute cheapest thing they can print
02:40and the thing that goes in your dressing room, but nowhere else.
02:43Yeah, now you've come to think of it, it's not ideal, is it?
02:46It's not going to be that hard to write Stephen Mulhernes above.
02:50LAUGHTER
02:52So, Richard, Richard, it's going to get confusing,
02:55so how about if we go for Osman for you and Ricky for you?
02:59That obviously fits with my persona.
03:01Yeah.
03:03You never got called Ricky growing up?
03:05I have, but, boy, did it escalate into some fisticuffs.
03:10Now, Ricky? Yes.
03:12Have you been watching much TV? I have revisited Columbo.
03:15Right.
03:17Oh, it's so good.
03:19It's not going to be much help for this show
03:21unless it's a specific question on Columbo.
03:23Well, I hope there is some Columbo material,
03:25otherwise the show won't be relevant, will it?
03:27LAUGHTER
03:29If you watch this show, you'd be livid if Columbo weren't brought up.
03:32I think anyone with any decency will be.
03:34Well, luckily, Ricky's here.
03:36Natsi, how about you with Telly?
03:38Do you know much about Telly? Can you save this sinking ship?
03:41So, I loved TV when I was living in South Africa
03:44and then I moved to Germany and everything was in German.
03:47Oh, really?
03:49So, I had to learn the language cos I loved TV, right?
03:52Oh, my God, yeah.
03:54It gets worse and worse. You move to Germany
03:56and you have to learn the language.
03:58But I learned it just to watch TV.
04:00I loved Ellie McBeal and I think Family Fortune.
04:03I watched that to learn the words,
04:05schneller, komm, renn, on others, and then I got it.
04:08Yeah. Wow.
04:10So, it was my education.
04:12Don't worry, don't get worried.
04:19Danny, welcome to the show.
04:21Danny Dyer, everyone. How exciting is this?
04:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:25Big fan of Danny Dyer.
04:27Now, what have you been up to? What are you in now?
04:29You're Lefty Stenders. What are you working on?
04:31I'm a Disney star. You're a Disney star?
04:33It's called Rivals. Oh, that's so good, isn't it?
04:36Is there... Cos it's Jilly Cooper, is there a lot of shagging?
04:38It's very cock-heavy.
04:41Do you get taken in it? Yes, yes.
04:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:45Don't get too excited.
04:47I've got bee cups now, so...
04:49LAUGHTER
04:51But, no, it's amazing. Yeah, I've been really busy.
04:53I did present an award at the MTAs and I said,
04:55bring Mick back, which is a character I played in The Stenders.
04:57Yes. So I could be back for it.
04:59Just pop in as a ghost. How did you die?
05:01Well, he never found me body, but...
05:03Ah, there we go.
05:05In a crime book, if they don't find the body, they're not dead.
05:07Right, OK. Right. What do you know about that?
05:09Yeah, I'm just saying.
05:12Alison, you must be pretty happy you're team.
05:14I've got Richard, knows everything about TV.
05:17I've got Danny, he's been on everything you know.
05:19I'm just going to chill out here and just sit here.
05:21Yeah, we're going to smash it. Go for it, guys.
05:23Press that buzzer. Yes!
05:25I feel like we've won already.
05:27Shall we just celebrate? We've won!
05:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:31Yes!
05:33OK, that's enough chatting.
05:35As Judy says to Richard on his birthday, let's get this over with.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:41Right, to start the show, so we're starting with a round
05:44that starts with the starts of shows.
05:46It's Roll The Titles.
05:48I'll play the theme music from one TV show
05:50over the title sequence of another,
05:52and you need to buzz in the name of both shows to get the point.
05:55We'll play three mash-ups.
05:57The team that gets the most points gets first pick of the show
06:00they want to answer questions on.
06:02Now, before we see the first mash-up, let's hear the buzzers.
06:05Get out of my pub!
06:09Oh, my little Willie!
06:14Last time on the show, Ricky, you complained about only having
06:17one buzzer that you can get to cos Alison was in charge of that buzzer.
06:21So we've taken your feedback on board and we've got you a buzzer
06:24for one night and one night only.
06:26Do you want to have a go on it? Sure.
06:28Ricky!
06:30Do you like that? I do like that, thank you.
06:32I'm not one to complain,
06:34but does that not give them an unfair advantage?
06:36Ricky!
06:40OK, let's get on with it, let's see and hear the first mash-up.
06:43Fingers on buzzers.
06:52Get out of my pub!
06:54I think it's Midsummer Nightmurders.
06:56No, it's not!
06:58Midsummer Nightmurders?
07:00Oh, my fucking head!
07:02Midsummer Murders. Yep.
07:04And...Towie.
07:06That is correct!
07:08Well done!
07:12It was Towie and Midsummer Murders,
07:14two shows with nothing in common apart from the episodes
07:17where an old woman dies during a vajazzle.
07:20You get a point there for getting them both well done.
07:22Alison's team. Thank you.
07:24Let's get them to the board.
07:29OK, here's your next one.
07:33MUSIC
07:36Ricky! Oh, straight in.
07:38One Of Them's Gladiators. Yes, it is.
07:40And this one could be anything with a scene in Alcoholics Anonymous.
07:47You were wrong, I'm afraid. Alison's team.
07:49I think it's The Unforgotten.
07:51But what other one are you going for? Gladiators.
07:53Gladiators as well? I can tell you that, that is correct.
07:55Well done, Ricky! Well done, Alison's team!
07:59It was Unforgotten and Gladiators.
08:02And we're all surprised that you knew Gladiators, Richard.
08:05Who are you? I was a 14-year-old once.
08:10OK, yes, Alison, you get the point.
08:12That was Gladiators and Unforgotten.
08:14Here's your next mash-up.
08:16MUSIC
08:23Oh, My Little Willie!
08:25Oh, yep. That's Homes Under The Hammer.
08:27Yes. And White Lotus.
08:29Yes, that's correct, it was White Lotus and Homes Under The Hammer!
08:35You get the point there, Josh, well done. Thank you.
08:37So, Alison's team, you got the most points there,
08:39which means you get to choose
08:41which of the six shows you want to answer questions on.
08:45Midsummer Nightmurders. It's not the name of it.
08:49Midsummer Murders. Midsummer Murders.
08:51OK, the cosy Sunday night show
08:53that's basically Quentin Tarantino does Countryfile.
08:57Are we fans of Midsummer Murders?
08:59I do enjoy it. I do. It's just nice TV, do you know what I mean?
09:02I know there's a murder and everything, but it's just nice.
09:05Spoiler alert!
09:07There's a beginning, middle and an end,
09:09and you can just watch one episode and you can watch it all at once.
09:12So you don't like shows that just go on forever and ever and ever.
09:15How is this morning?
09:17Yeah, but that's a completion in itself.
09:19It almost was last year.
09:22Osman, you dabble with a bit of crime writing in your spare time.
09:26You dabble? He dabbles.
09:28Do you ever take inspiration from Midsummer Murders?
09:30Is that something you used to watch? I don't think so. I love it.
09:33I love British crime things.
09:35Wherever you go in the world, any book events,
09:37they love watching Father Brown or Midsummer Murders.
09:40They go crazy for it. Midsummer Murders is huge in America.
09:43I don't think it's shit. OK.
09:47Not in a bad way, just in a good way.
09:49Yeah, the good way. Shit in a good way.
09:51Shit in a good way.
09:53In this game, I'm going to show you the set-up
09:55to a classic Midsummer murder plot,
09:57and all you have to do is tell me how you think the victim was murdered.
10:00Remember, nothing is off the table in Midsummer.
10:02OK, here's your first Midsummer murder victim, Susie Colebrook.
10:05Let's have a look.
10:19EERIE MUSIC
10:31There we go. Now, did she die from embarrassment
10:33after seeing that camera angle? Look at that, it's horrible.
10:39Looks like trying to watch TikTok having a shit.
10:45Sorry, sorry. What's your first thoughts, team?
10:48What do you think?
10:50It's definitely something to do with that wheel, isn't it?
10:52Oh, good one, Alison!
10:59I think the little ball might have something to do with it as well.
11:02Can I ask what happens to the ball that kills that wheel?
11:05Chokes on it, chokes on it.
11:07Or it lands on a particular number and there's an explosive.
11:10Or it flicks her in the eye.
11:12I know what happens, she spins it,
11:14the hair gets caught in the wheel, it spins round.
11:17The hair goes round, she can rot herself on her hair
11:20while the little spindle goes...
11:22against her earlobe.
11:24Well, let's see if that answer appears in our multiple choice.
11:27The options are, is she...
11:32Ooh, clever buzz.
11:37I said that! Yeah, you did.
11:39Is she sent into a hypnotic trance by the red and black pattern
11:42and convinced to jump out of the window?
11:44Right, what do you think out of those options?
11:46Well, if it's C, it proves my point that it's shit, the show.
11:51Because that's bollocks.
11:53Or, to be fair, if it's A or B.
11:56I'm tempted with A, other than you'd be spinning and spinning.
11:59Maybe there's a magnet and it just attracts it to you.
12:01Yeah, maybe it's that. And then irons her out, do you know what I mean?
12:04I'm going with B, if I'm honest with you,
12:06but because I am the team captain, I'm going to go with my team...
12:09We'll go for B. No, no, no, I'm going to go with my team-mates
12:12and I'm going to go for A.
12:14Well, I think B's just going to give her a bit of conjunctivitis, isn't it?
12:17It ain't going to fucking...
12:19It's so obviously C, I don't know why you're even talking about it.
12:22Do you think? Do you think? Of course.
12:24Right, we'll go for A, please.
12:26I think it might be C, though, the way she hovered over it, like...
12:29Oh, now he's panicking. What are you going to do?
12:31What are you going to do, last chance?
12:33All right, fuck it, we're going C.
12:35Let's see if you're right, if it's C.
12:37It's B.
12:39BELL RINGS
13:04Don't worry. That was incorrect, it was A!
13:07Oh, no! It's obviously not C.
13:10How do you do that to a thrower?
13:12God, you're good! Did you do it to Rocco Lombo would have done?
13:17Caesar was killed by a massive electric shock from the roulette wheel.
13:20Hard luck, no points to your team there.
13:22OK, here's your next Midsomer Murder victim.
13:25Biscuit factory owner and type 2 diabetes dealer, Eric Cowder.
13:38Oh, God. OK, this is a tough one.
13:40Now, the question is a bit different for this one.
13:42I want you to tell me how Eric was found.
13:45Was he found crushed between two big wafers?
13:48He's got to be a biscuit, hasn't he?
13:50And did they try and bring him back to life by dunking him in a tea?
13:55And then his legs fall off.
14:00Here are your options. Was he...
14:08..or C, crushed between two crates of malted milks?
14:11Good way to go. I know, what a way to go.
14:14I do like the wrapped in cling film, though. Yeah.
14:17I reckon it could be that.
14:19Either A or B, I think.
14:21Or C.
14:25I didn't see any cling film, did you?
14:27Well, that's the point of cling film, isn't it?
14:31I'm going to impale through a forklift, maybe,
14:33cos maybe it'll go up and down or something, I don't know.
14:36I'm feeling the cling film. Go cling film.
14:38OK, let's do that, cling film. You sure? Yeah, let's go cling film.
14:41All right, A, cling film.
14:43All right, let's see if you're right. Is it A, wrapped in cling film?
15:01LAUGHTER
15:04The answer is A, wrapped in cling film.
15:07Well done. Well done.
15:10Well done, Alison's team.
15:12At the end of that, you scored three points.
15:14CHEERING
15:16Come on.
15:18Time now for a quick break.
15:20But before we go, Danny, here's a clip of your old pal David Cameron.
15:24Can you tell me what the Sky News presenter says next?
15:27That's the most important thing of all,
15:29winning the trust of people that have put their trust in us,
15:32many of them for the first time,
15:34and Boris will have my full support as he does that.
15:36Find out after the break.
15:52Welcome back to More Better Smart TV.
15:54Before the break, I showed you this clip of David Cameron.
15:57That's the most important thing of all,
15:59winning the trust of people that have put their trust in us,
16:02many of them for the first time,
16:04and Boris will have my full support as he does that.
16:06So, any guesses on what you think the Sky presenter says next?
16:09Er, calls him a...
16:11LAUGHTER
16:13I mean, I can't stand that geezer.
16:15He's not a newsreader, he seems all right.
16:17LAUGHTER
16:19It's Cameron. OK, well, let's have a look.
16:21That's the most important thing of all,
16:23winning the trust of people that have put their trust in us,
16:26many of them for the first time,
16:28and Boris will have my full support as he does that.
16:30Well, I don't know why he's talking to a tree.
16:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
16:37OK. Up next, Josh's team get to choose one of the TV shows
16:40on the ball to answer questions on.
16:42Midsomer's Gone.
16:44I love Gladiators. Richard knows about Gladiators.
16:46Yeah, I watched it when I was a kid.
16:48There we go, we're going Gladiators.
16:50They've gone Gladiators. Here we go.
16:52Gladiators was a hit show of the 90s
16:54that everyone's dad pretended not to be watching
16:56while secretly fantasising about being slowly asphyxiated
16:59between Jet's thighs.
17:01The BBC rebooted the show last year,
17:03it has been a big success again,
17:05much to the delight of a new generation of fathers across the UK.
17:08Awooga.
17:10Josh is a massive Gladiators fan.
17:12Didn't you have a Gladiators club as a child as well that you organised?
17:15Aw! No, I had an after-school club
17:17and we used to recreate Gladiators in my house.
17:19Yes, I charged them a quid for entry and I made 15 quid.
17:22No!
17:24Well done.
17:25So you might have Richard Branson's hair, Rob,
17:27but I've got his ideas.
17:30I did the celebrity version of Gladiators. I know you did.
17:32And it's up in Sheffield, so all these Northern kids screaming
17:35and they chant your name and my Gladiator name was Beaver.
17:41The kids started getting into it, they'd go,
17:43Beaver, Beaver.
17:45And also, I literally couldn't fit in the Lycra shorts
17:48cos my belly was too big.
17:50I can hear them on the video going,
17:52we're just delaying the start cos Rob needs some bigger shorts.
17:59OK, now, I'm not going to ask you to run up a Traveller in this next game.
18:02Instead, it's all about the Gladiators and their signature poses.
18:05Oh, we'll be fine.
18:07In this question, I'll give you the name of a Gladiator,
18:09I want you to tell me what you think their pose is
18:11and do the move as a team.
18:13Oh, that's good. In the words of John Anderson,
18:15the contenders are ready!
18:17Yep. OK.
18:21First up, it's Hunter, a.k.a. James Crossley,
18:24who, let's be honest, was the stud of the original series.
18:27Did he go out with you, Ricky Johnson?
18:29Yeah. They look the same, don't they, don't you think?
18:32Not from the waist down, they don't.
18:36Josh's team, what do you think Hunter's pose is?
18:38Remember, there's a clue in the name with these guys.
18:41Yeah, Hunter. So it's going to be hunting.
18:43It's got to be that, hasn't it? What's that? Tape measure?
18:46What are you doing?
18:48That is a bow and arrow.
18:50Can I suggest that maybe, Monty, you're more familiar,
18:52you're a dancer, how would you do that?
18:54Like this? OK.
18:56OK, you think that? Richard, can you give us your bow and arrow?
18:59I'd fire safely into the air.
19:03Respect, Hunter. Thank you.
19:05Let's see if you're right.
19:07Let's meet our other new boy, Hunter.
19:09And if you look at his impressive stature,
19:11he's the youngest gladiator at only 19.
19:14What are you doing, Hunter?
19:16You didn't get all of it. What?!
19:18There's an archery pose finished off with a classic throat slit.
19:21Yes!
19:23I think we should ask the audience.
19:25I don't think we should.
19:29Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
19:33Ho! Ho! Ho!
19:35APPLAUSE
19:38They've panicked upstairs, we're going to give it to you,
19:40but from now on, you need the whole move.
19:42OK. Thank you!
19:44Thank you!
19:46I should have got to work in class. This is great.
19:48This is great.
19:50Has anyone got a gladiator name that they would have
19:52and a pose they'd use? Apathy.
19:55What's your pose for that?
19:59Apathy! Apathy!
20:01Sorry, are you watching on Sky Plus One?
20:03What's going on there?
20:06He's quite clever, so it does take me a bit of time.
20:08It's good.
20:11Anyone else got any gladiator names?
20:13It's well-documented, but I've got a big bollock.
20:16Yep. So...
20:18Bollocky Bill, or something like that.
20:20I don't want to ask, but what would your pose be?
20:22I don't know, I'll just cup it.
20:25Here comes Bollocky Bill.
20:27No, Danny, like this, like that.
20:31You start there and you go...
20:33That's fine.
20:37The show returned last year with brand-new gladiators competing,
20:40and there is one gladiator who certainly does bring the moves.
20:43Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Nitro!
20:58Please tell me they are the shorts they tried to fit you in.
21:03Nitro, thanks for coming. How are you?
21:05I'm awesome, as always, do you know what I mean?
21:07Nitro in the house. You look great.
21:09You ain't got a bollock like me, though.
21:14Nitro, have you ever, like, kept the costume and used it with, like...
21:18Alison?
21:20It's a fair question.
21:22Have you ever used it in the bedroom with somebody?
21:24Do you know what? It's a sacred suit.
21:26Do you know what I mean? It's sacred.
21:28Do you keep one? Oh, yeah, I keep them.
21:30Whoa, did you just bounce your tail?
21:35They've got one of their own, they just sort of...
21:38Wow. Oh, wow.
21:40I think they're talking to Alison right now.
21:42Is that Morse code for,
21:44help me, get me away from Alison?
21:52It's called rhythm, guys.
21:55Morse, can you read that?
21:57It's the happiest Morse he's been on show.
22:01Can I just say, as well, about Nitro,
22:03is obviously he's incredibly fit and strong,
22:06one of the fastest men Britain has ever had.
22:08Yes, incredible athlete.
22:10He's been on House Of Games and he did an awful lot better than Josh Widdicombe.
22:15He's all about having some brains, too.
22:18Love that.
22:20But the real test, and I'm not going to tell you what my answer is,
22:23what can you bench?
22:26Alison.
22:34Moxie has come alive.
22:37I feel joy.
22:40Let's see if he's got any moves, come on.
22:42I'll do anything.
22:47You know the best part of this is they don't show it in Germany,
22:50so my husband won't see it.
22:54Has he got the whole Moxie?
22:56We're going to go with this, you're going to go forward with the rope,
22:59and close, and change your weight, and one...
23:02OK, you change that, that's fine, look at this man.
23:16Should I be at this hen party?
23:19I'm happy to be here, but is it appropriate?
23:25OK, now, Josh's team, back to the task at hand.
23:27Moxie, do you need a moment, you're OK?
23:29I mean, I still feel vibes.
23:33So, gladiator nitro, what do you think his pose could be?
23:36What about this?
23:38Depress the TNT.
23:40Oh, how about this?
23:42And then he goes...
23:44And then he goes...
23:48Surely that would be dynamite.
23:50No, well, nitroglycerin used to be used as...
23:52You see, and that's why you run out of space, Josh.
23:57I follow the beat. You're a choreographer.
23:59Yeah, with his talent, like...
24:01Something like...
24:03Oh, that's good.
24:05I'll just stand up and do it, then we know what you're doing.
24:07OK.
24:09What about we do your move and this combined?
24:11Like...
24:13OK, sure.
24:15Come on, Rich, put your back into it.
24:17That's what I've done, that's why I'm leaning.
24:19I've got my back in, standing up.
24:22Two, three.
24:24OK.
24:27Wow, OK.
24:29I thought that was good.
24:33Right.
24:35OK, let's see if you're right.
24:37Nitro, can you show us your signature move, please?
24:40I've got the power!
24:44Oh!
24:46There we go!
24:48I don't get a point for that.
24:52You were miles off it, I'm afraid. No point there.
24:54No point. I would rethink that move.
24:56Huh?
24:58That could be anything.
25:00So I'll tell you what it is. Obviously, nitro.
25:02I make my own energy. Yeah.
25:04Renewable source and all that. I take it up in the head.
25:07I send it to the world and I give you a bit of energy.
25:09OK, this is what you're doing.
25:11One potato, two potatoes.
25:15Here we go.
25:17Me round and round the castle.
25:19I've got something round my head, a Mitchie.
25:22Oh, can I have a lift?
25:24And what's the next bit?
25:26This is your fault.
25:30Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the Nitro!
25:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:40OK, at the end of that round, Josh's team have two points,
25:43but Alison's team have three points!
25:49Next up is a round called Life Stories,
25:51where we take a look into the bonkers backstories
25:53of some of TV's most famous faces.
25:55I'll ask you a question and then show you
25:57a load of famous personalities, both fictional and real,
26:00and then you'll need to decide who tops the list.
26:03Right, Alison, here is your question.
26:05Who has encountered the most ghosts?
26:09Anyone encountered a ghost before we crack on?
26:11Alison will 100% have met a ghost.
26:13I actually did a show called Haunted Mansion.
26:16We did a Ouija board.
26:18It was the most frightening thing I've ever done in my entire life.
26:21We contacted these little girls from the 18th century
26:24who had died in a field and they were talking to us.
26:27And then we encountered this real bad ghost
26:30who was telling us to get out of the house.
26:33And I was like, I think we should listen to the ghost.
26:36That was literally the sound man thinking, I want to knock off.
26:41Anyone else? Didn't you move house because it was haunted?
26:44Well, no, I had a friend stay at my house in the spare room,
26:47Danny Boy, our child, who played my son in EastEnders.
26:50He stayed in the spare room and then I got up in the morning,
26:53he was gone and I couldn't work it out.
26:55I went, where the fuck is he? I rung him up.
26:57He said, I'm not staying at your gaff.
26:59There's a ghost in there and all that.
27:01I said, it's the fucking radiator that's fucked,
27:03it just makes a noise.
27:06OK, so who has encountered the most ghosts here?
27:09Is your line-up the banshee of Billericay, Gemma Collins?
27:12No. The human cobweb, Helena Bonham Carter?
27:15And the world's most stupid dog, Scooby-Doo?
27:18It's got to be fucking Scooby-Doo, innit?
27:20The most ghosts. There's been a lot of ghosts in Scooby-Doo.
27:23Every week. No, hold on. They're never real.
27:25There's no ghosts in Scooby-Doo.
27:27Yeah, because they always take something off the red, don't they?
27:30Yeah, just like life. Oh, maybe not.
27:33Helena, I reckon she's got a very old house
27:36and I reckon she's got... she's come into contact with some ghosts.
27:39I don't know Gemma's story. I don't know if Gemma Collins has had...
27:42I think she's all that spiritual bollocks.
27:44Yeah, I don't think she's shy of the odd crystal, is she?
27:46Shall we say Gemma Collins? Gemma Collins.
27:48Shall we go for Gemma Collins? Yeah, all day long.
27:50OK. Are you going to lock in Gemma Collins as your answer?
27:53We're going to lock in Gemma Collins? That's a reality show.
27:56A claustrophobic husband!
27:59It's a seat if you're right in reverse order.
28:02In third place, we have Helena Bonham Carter,
28:05who has seen just one ghost.
28:07Helena, who plays Princess Margaret in The Crown,
28:09said the princess's ghost told her to get the smoking right
28:13when she visited her.
28:15Wow. A bit spooky.
28:17In second place, we have Gemma Collins...
28:19Oh!
28:21..who has seen five ghosts, including one who threw shoes at her
28:24when she was eight years old. Oh, my gosh.
28:26And this one she claimed to have seen on Big Brother.
28:29Gemma thinks she has seen a ghost.
28:32I've just seen something really fucking scary in the mirror. Where?
28:35Oh, my God, open that fucking door now.
28:37No, fuck this, I'm out of here.
28:39Get that fire exit door. I'm off.
28:41No, no, no, wait a minute. Now I'm off.
28:43Is there the other side of that door?
28:45Fucking scary!
28:46Just see it with my own fucking eyes!
28:48That's fucking the scariest butt!
28:51What is that? There she is.
28:54The old cameraman ghost behind the mirror filming the show.
28:59Spooky!
29:01Which means, in first place, we have Scooby-Doo,
29:04who has seen a whopping 52 real ghosts.
29:06Why are you so blessed, Bollocks, cos they're real ghosts?
29:09Why aren't you necking, son? I'll tell you why.
29:11Now, most mysteries Scooby-Doo solves turn out to be real people,
29:15but he has encountered actual ghosts as well.
29:1829 ghosts in the 13 ghosts of Scooby-Doo
29:21and another 23 from across the various series.
29:24That's right.
29:25Now, let's take a moment for the poorest searcher
29:27who watched all 8,255 minutes of Scooby-Doo.
29:31So, unfortunately, you don't get the points there.
29:34Alison's team.
29:35Now, Josh's team, here is your question.
29:37Who has competed in the most reality shows?
29:41The Barbie of Brentwood, Gemma Collins,
29:43the Ken doll from Chigwell, Joey Essex,
29:46and our Bab from the Brum, Alison Hammond.
29:50But remember, we are looking for competitive reality shows.
29:54It must be a show that they could actually win.
29:56A little fact, Alison's never won a reality show ever.
29:59Have you not? Run her up?
30:01Do you know what? It's not about the winning for me.
30:04It's about the cash. It's about the taking part.
30:07If I thought it was going to be a laugh, I'd do it.
30:10It wasn't for the money.
30:11Celebrity coach trip was a passion project.
30:15OK, like, Gemma Collins will have done every single one.
30:20There's not many that she's not going to have done.
30:22But those two lads...
30:23Joey Essex isn't as...
30:25They've been tied up doing The Only Way Is Essex
30:27for a long period of time, non-competitively being in reality.
30:31I mean, what's the point of being in reality if it's not competitive?
30:35Joey Essex is definitely not as ubiquitous as Gemma Collins.
30:38No. I think it could be Hammond.
30:40I think she deserves to have been booked for more than the other two,
30:43so we're going to go with Alison Hammond.
30:45OK. I've got a feeling it's me, ain't it?
30:49Oh, let's keep the suspense building.
30:52So you think it's Alison Hammond. Let's see if you're right.
30:56In third place, we have Gemma Collins,
30:58who's competed in eight reality shows.
31:00In second place, we have Joey Essex,
31:02who has competed in ten reality shows.
31:04Here's a pic of him on his first one.
31:06ITV celebrity diving competition, Splash.
31:09There he is.
31:10Looks like he's been tipped out of a wheelchair.
31:15OK. Which means, in first place, we have our Alison.
31:22Alison, who has done a total of 11 competitive reality shows,
31:26including I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here,
31:29The Great Celebrity Bake Off, The Masked Singer UK,
31:32I'm A Celebrity Special, Celebrity MasterChef,
31:34Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Coach Strip,
31:36Celebrity's Under Pressure, Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes
31:39and Celebrity Haunted Hotel Live, to name but a few.
31:43How big is your mortgage?
31:47Congratulations, Josh's team, you get the point.
31:54And at the end of that round, both teams have three points.
32:04Time now for a quick break, but before we go,
32:06here's a classic clip from At The Races on Sky Sports.
32:09Can you tell me what happens next?
32:11That's the news, and, Bob, just confirming,
32:13the ground is now good to say...
32:15Oh, you've been joined by a beautiful lady.
32:17Find out after the break.
32:32Welcome back to Rob Beckett's Smart TV.
32:34Before the break, I showed you this.
32:36That's the news, and, Bob, just confirming,
32:38the ground is now good to say...
32:40Oh, you've been joined by a beautiful lady.
32:42What do you think happens next, any ideas?
32:44I know what happens.
32:46Shall we just show it? Yeah. Let's have a look.
32:48Bob, just confirming, the ground is now good to say...
32:51Oh, you've been joined by a beautiful lady.
32:53No, it's a man, actually, Derek.
32:59OK, our next round is The Showdown,
33:01a round all about our favourite TV shows.
33:03In this round, I'll be testing them on their TV obsessions.
33:06It's the captain's job to select the team member
33:08they have the most faith in to take on the entire other team
33:11in their specialist subject.
33:13This week, Alison, I'm going to ask you to choose
33:15one of your team-mates to take on all three of Josh's team.
33:18So you've got to be really confident in who you choose.
33:22I know Richard would smash it, but do you know what?
33:24I want to challenge you today, is that all right?
33:26All right, let's have it. All right, Danny, go on.
33:28OK, what's your specialist subject, Danny?
33:31EastEnders. Oh, yeah, respect.
33:35Solid. Powerful.
33:37Josh's team, how do you feel about EastEnders?
33:39I used to watch it kind of religiously growing up,
33:42like Sharon and Grant and that era, but then I dropped off.
33:46Ricky? You know, there are gaps in my knowledge.
33:49Yeah. But let's hope we don't hit them.
33:53OK. And Martin?
33:55I'm here as a cheerleader.
33:58Danny and Josh's team, please make your way over
34:01to the uncomfortably close seat area.
34:03Come on, Danny! Danny Boyer!
34:13Richard, could you uncross your legs?
34:15I don't want his massive testicle to careen into my head.
34:21You'll get what you're given.
34:24We ready? OK, here we go.
34:26OK, the questions will be asked in a penalty shoot-out style,
34:29with the specialist going first. Here we go.
34:34Danny, you get to go first. Here's your question.
34:36Oh, bollocks.
34:38Which three main characters are the only remaining members
34:41of the original 1985 cast?
34:45Ian Bill. Mm-hm.
34:47Kathy.
34:49Kathy. Kathy.
34:51Er...and Sharon.
34:53Oh, correct. Well done.
34:59Eat it, Josh. Eat it.
35:01Josh's team, here we go.
35:03What do characters Rowley, Willie and Lady Di all have in common?
35:07Dogs. Oh, he's quick. Yes, correct.
35:09That's a bollocky question to be fair.
35:13Here's your next question, Danny. It's 1-1.
35:15Bud in social media star Kim Fox
35:17is known by what nickname when she's online?
35:20Oh, no, I don't know it, I don't know it.
35:22Do you want to guess? OK.
35:24Fox, Foxy.
35:26That is incorrect. Yeah, because bollocks.
35:28It's the Kim Fluencer. Oh, for fuck's sake.
35:31Josh's team, your next question.
35:33Which character once memorably called Pat Butcher
35:36a stupid, fat old tart?
35:38Oh, God.
35:40It wasn't that memorable, was it?
35:43I presume that Janine used to have a lot of arguments with her,
35:49so it's probably Janine would be my guess.
35:51OK, you going for Janine? Yeah.
35:53Incorrect. Peggy, Peggy.
35:55Peggy Mitchell, well done, Danny, yes.
35:57Mick's got a kid with Janine. How mad's that?
36:00That's why I left. They fucking put me with Janine.
36:02I thought I got to fuck off.
36:06It's the truth.
36:11OK, Danny, here's your third question.
36:13What are the names of Cat and Alfie's twin sons?
36:17Bert and Ernie. Correct.
36:19Well done, Danny. Well done.
36:22Two-one to Danny. Bring it home, Danny.
36:25Josh's team, here's your next one.
36:27Which character was lost at sea in 2022 and presumed dead?
36:31Captain Ava. Oh, it was Danny Dyer's character.
36:34Go on, what is it? Mick.
36:36Carter. Yes! Correct.
36:41Bring Mick back.
36:44Go on, go on. OK, Danny.
36:46What's the name of Ian Bill's fish and chip shop?
36:50Bill's Place. Correct.
36:52Yes, Danny!
36:55Bring it home, Rob, bring it home.
36:57Josh, another one for you.
36:59Complete this famous line by Cat Slater.
37:02I didn't become a little bit of a slag...
37:05I became a lot of a slag.
37:07No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
37:09Incorrect. Oh, come on.
37:11It is, I became a total slag.
37:13Oh! Oh!
37:15So, Danny, if you get this right, you've won.
37:18Go on, then, give it to me, baby, give it to me.
37:20If you get it wrong, you're still in the game, Josh's team.
37:23Oh, fucking hell, cos I want to fuck off and also...
37:26This is absolutely oppressive.
37:28Go on, go on, go on.
37:30Can you name the two Queen Vic landlords who were murdered in the pub?
37:34Murdered.
37:36Um, Eddie Royal.
37:39And...
37:41Dirty Den, Den Watts.
37:43I can reveal the two Queen Vic landlords who were murdered in the pub,
37:47Den Watts and Archie Mitchell.
37:49Oh!
37:51No, Eddie. No, don't worry, don't worry.
37:53All right, all right, all right.
37:55Josh, all right.
37:57Here's your final question, Josh's team.
37:59You need this and also, can I just say, well done so far, Motsi,
38:02you've been smashing it. I mean...
38:04I voided, I voided, I said him.
38:06OK, here we go, here we go. Go on, go on, go on.
38:08Josh, you need this. If you get this wrong, Danny's won.
38:11In 2023, Keanu Taylor's body was buried under the floor
38:14of which iconic EastEnders establishment?
38:19Um, so there's the Vic, obviously.
38:22There's the laundrette.
38:24There's the CAF.
38:26We've had a lot of Vic stuff, but it feels like it'd be the Vic, right?
38:29Yes, the plumbing under the laundrette would be a nice...
38:32LAUGHTER
38:36APPLAUSE
38:40Sheree, what do you want to go for, Motsi?
38:42I believe in life you have to listen to your intuition.
38:46OK. But what's the answer?
38:48LAUGHTER
38:50Shall we go Vic? Go, stop, come back.
38:52Go Vic, go Vic, his driver's waiting.
38:55The reveal, it was the CAF.
38:58Oh, yeah!
39:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:02Congratulations, Coventry 6.
39:05You get three points for each answer.
39:08Well done, guys, that was great.
39:11That will do.
39:13OK, great stuff there, so tense.
39:15So, after all that, Josh's team have three points,
39:18but in the lead with six points is Alison's team.
39:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:25It's nearly the end of the show, but like all good TV,
39:27we've got time for a final nail-biting cliffhanger.
39:30It's Happy Endings, a round where I wank you all off.
39:33LAUGHTER
39:36Amazing.
39:38I'm going to ask you some quick-fire questions about TV endings.
39:41Both teams need to answer as many as possible before the time runs out.
39:45It's a buzzer round, let's hear those buzzers again.
39:48Alison. Get out of my pub!
39:50Josh. Oh, my little Willie.
39:52And Ricky. Ricky!
39:55There we go. OK, teams, there's everything to play for.
39:59You've got until you hear this sound.
40:02To answer as many questions as you can.
40:05Are you ready? Yes. Let's go.
40:08What would be the perfect score to get at the end of Pointless?
40:11Get out of my pub!
40:13Zero. Correct.
40:14At the end of Ready, Steady, Cook,
40:16Ainsley Harriott would ask the audience to pick green peppers or what?
40:19Oh, my little Willie. Josh. Red tomatoes. Correct.
40:21On Family Fortunes, what noise do the buzzers make?
40:24Get out of my pub!
40:25Thank you. Point to Danny Dyer.
40:29He finished his famous quote from Danny Dyer on GMB,
40:31referring to David Cameron.
40:33He's in Europe in Nice with his...
40:35Ricky! Trotters Up.
40:37Oh, yes, correct.
40:39He finished with his famous Indian takeaway order in Gavin and Stacey.
40:43Get out of my pub! Chicken boonah, lamb boonah,
40:47prawn boonah, mushroom rice,
40:50bag of chips, quinoa and nine poppadoms.
40:54Correct.
40:55Oh, my goodness!
40:57That's amazing!
40:59Wow!
41:01That's incredible.
41:03Which detective would often leave a room and return home...
41:06Oh, my little Willie! ..just for a thing? Columbo, mate.
41:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
41:12Right. OK.
41:14What a testament... Oh!
41:16That's the end of the show.
41:18I'm going to lounge down this tent with last number.
41:21Let's take a look at the final scores and I can tell you
41:24that Alison's team are our winners!
41:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:33That's all for this week. Thanks so much to all of our guests
41:36and thank you for watching. Goodnight!
41:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:54MUSIC