Dan Parker is joined by Joe 'The Pro' Ferguson to run through the 9 things you should NEVER DO on a golf course! When you're playing golf, there are certain things you should really try and avoid at all costs to ensure you're not holding up play or annoying the groups playing behind you! Enjoy these irreverent, tongue-in-cheek recreations and some highly questionable acting skills...
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00:00Right then Joe, we know there's lots of written rules in golf that people adhere to
00:03but there's lots of unwritten etiquette rules I think we've seen broken quite a lot of times.
00:08You're right, there's a lot of faux pas, even golfing crimes I would consider committed out on a golf course sometimes.
00:14Yeah, so we put our heads together and came up with nine that we think are the biggest and the most often committed.
00:19Yes, and we've acted them out.
00:21We have. I'm playing the sort of well-educated, good etiquette golfer and you're playing numb nuts.
00:26I'm playing a buffoon, you're absolutely right, but if you're watching BAFTA, call us.
00:33In no particular order Joe, we're starting with talking during someone's backswing, even talking during someone's setup.
00:39Yeah, it's just a little bit inconsiderate and it's funny with golf because sometimes you get constant noise,
00:44you might hear it now actually, we've got green keepers mowing, we went to live the other day, there was music playing.
00:48When that happens it's not a problem but you're playing silence most of the time
00:52and all of a sudden if that silence is just interrupted with a whisper or something, it is brutal.
00:56Don't do it, don't do it, try not to whisper to your playing partner, definitely don't pick up the phone, numb nuts,
01:01and just try and keep quiet during the swing.
01:06Next one we've got, and this is one of my particular BAFTAs, leaving a bunker unraked.
01:11It's one of the most inconsiderate things you can do on the golf course, you tell me why.
01:14This is just impolite, it's impolite to your playing partners, to people coming behind you who may end up in it,
01:19to the green keepers who look so studiously after the bunkers for you and it's just a mess,
01:24it affects people's games and it's basic decency and common sense.
01:28And bunkers are hard enough on a decent lie without being in someone's footprint.
01:32Rake your bunkers please.
01:36Next up Joe, not shouting four as your ball heads toward what might be people, houses, who knows, just shout four.
01:42Yeah, just shout four, it's not only inconsiderate, it is downright dangerous.
01:46These little golf balls, at the speed they're travelling, are like bullets.
01:49We've seen some really serious incidents on the PJ Tour where people are getting hurt
01:53and some of these players who don't shout on the PJ Tour bother me.
01:55Yeah.
01:56Don't be one of those, if you see your ball heading down the wrong fairway or heading to anyone on the golf course,
02:00give them a nice loud shout of four and warn them.
02:03And even if you don't, if it's off target, give it a big shout, you're covered then.
02:06Just in case.
02:07Just in case, always shout four.
02:10Right, for the next one we're here on the putting green.
02:12I think just about everyone who's ever played should know, but I've played with some who don't,
02:17you should never walk over someone's line when they're putting.
02:20Yeah, because if you've got big feet like you, or particularly big spikes on,
02:23and you walk on someone's line, it could affect their putt, couldn't it?
02:26Correct.
02:27It's rude, again, inconsiderate, so when you're doing it, just watch out for people's lines.
02:30Maybe even ask, am I okay to stand there? It's okay to ask these sort of things.
02:34And don't ruin someone's putt. You can stop it from going in the hole.
02:37Furthermore, through lines. Do you ever think about through lines?
02:39What's a through line?
02:40Through line is a lot of stuff that's spoken about on tour.
02:42If you're putting from there, and you're coming this way,
02:44and I go and collect my ball out the hole this way,
02:46if someone misses the putt from there, and then has to putt through the spikes,
02:49it's always better to think about someone's through line as well.
02:52Just give that some thought.
02:53Hey, that's why we pay you the big bucks.
02:58Next up, Joe, assuming a putt is given in match play, I have fallen foul of this.
03:02Yeah, it's tricky ground though, isn't it?
03:04Yeah, it's tricky ground though, isn't it?
03:06You know when you've got it into gimme range,
03:08and you know it's probably going to be conceded,
03:10but you have to wait to hear that.
03:12If you don't, and you just pick your ball up, assuming it's been conceded,
03:15if you're playing against someone particularly vindictive,
03:19they can claim the hole.
03:21Loss of hole, you pick the ball up, you're out the hole, and you're done.
03:24That's it. And my circle of friendship is very, very small.
03:26So I've heard.
03:27So I've heard.
03:31The next golfing crime I want to talk about
03:33is leaving your bag on the wrong side of the green,
03:36and general time-wasting on the green.
03:38General faffing.
03:39Faffing would be fair.
03:40Bumbling, faffage.
03:41Bumbling, as you might be watching right now, my bumbling.
03:44It's just not good for pace of play.
03:46It's not good for your game.
03:47It's not good for anyone's game around you.
03:49What can you do to sort that out?
03:50Well, if you've got people behind you, that's very annoying.
03:53Just think, right, as you get to the green, where's the next tee?
03:55Let me leave my bag in a position between the flag and the tee,
03:58so when I'm done, I pick my ball out, I wander over to my bag,
04:01which is en route to the tee, do your scorecard over there,
04:04the people behind you can play,
04:05and they're not falling asleep sat on their bags.
04:07Consider it to everyone else,
04:08and it'll actually be beneficial for your game,
04:10because you'll take less steps and you'll be less tired.
04:12Plan it well, play quickly, and play well.
04:18Next up, Joe, less of a crime than some of them,
04:20but something I think you should avoid doing is early walking a putt
04:22that you think is going in, you're giving it the big I am,
04:24and then it doesn't go in.
04:25It's a bad look, isn't it?
04:26Actually, we played golf recently with a friend of yours,
04:28shout out, Reece.
04:29I was early walking a couple, and they went in,
04:31and he still said that was a bad look.
04:33He's right, though, I think he's right.
04:34He is right, but it's a particularly bad look when they miss as well.
04:38Another thing that you don't want to do,
04:39if you're the guy on the other side of the hole,
04:41early celebrating someone else's putt and calling it before it goes in,
04:44that can backfire a lot and isn't a good look either.
04:47If someone says to me, oh, great putt, or oh, that's in,
04:49oh, that's pure, and it doesn't go in,
04:51or really early and it doesn't go in,
04:53I'm like, do not stop talking to my golf ball.
04:55Do you think it's affected your ball?
04:56Absolutely.
04:57Because it has, it has to.
04:58Just don't talk to my golf ball,
05:00don't talk to your playing partner's golf balls,
05:02and don't early walk that putt.
05:04Just wait for it to go in.
05:08Recent rule changes have affected this next one I'm going to mention.
05:11So you used to have five minutes to find your ball,
05:13now you've only got three,
05:14so it's become more imperative than ever
05:16not to assume you're just going to find your golf ball
05:18once you've hit it into the rubbish, isn't it?
05:20Yeah, I see people playing on somewhere they know really well
05:22and they play every week and they're like, that's fine over there.
05:24I know that bit.
05:25I know that bit, I've been there all the time,
05:26and it might take a different bounce, it might hit something,
05:28you might not find it.
05:29If you don't then find it, you've got to trawl your way back to the tee,
05:32you're taking penalty shots, you're taking up more time,
05:35so just always hit a provisional if you lose sight of the ball
05:38or even if you have a hint of doubt that you might not find it.
05:41The ten seconds it takes to hit a provisional
05:43could save you ten minutes of traipsing back and holding everyone up.
05:46And you get another swing, another shot,
05:48get that bad shot out of your head.
05:50There's a little sort of bonus to it.
05:52But yeah, always hit a provisional, speed things up,
05:54and that's that.
06:00Lastly, Joe, this falls into the category of early chirping a putt
06:03or talking to someone's golf ball,
06:05is letting them know they've got a good score going.
06:07Well, you're playing well, aren't you, mate? It's horrible.
06:09Yeah, it's just wrong on so many levels.
06:11If I'm playing well and I'm on for a really good score,
06:14trust me, I know.
06:16I don't need you to tell me, I know.
06:19I'm already worried about it, so I don't need the additional pressure.
06:22Keep it to yourself, admire quietly, and let them get on with it.
06:26You can talk about it after the round.
06:28You know what I mean? Just focus on your own gosh darn game
06:31and we can talk about how well I've played later.
06:33So yeah, none of that sort of,
06:35well, you'll do it all right, aren't you, mate?
06:37Yeah, absolutely not.
06:38That's not bad, Joe.
06:39That's a nice little list out of things to not do on the golf course.
06:42Take it on board.
06:43We want to hear if you've got any that we may have missed out,
06:45which of the ones that we mentioned is the most, biggest crime,
06:49would have the biggest sentence in this sort of golf jail, golf court.
06:53Wow, you've taken it there.
06:54Yeah, I have taken it there.
06:55Let us know any others that we've missed out.
06:56Hope you enjoyed this video, our acting.
06:59Well done, numbnuts.
07:00Yes, thank you very much.
07:01Thank you very much.
07:02See you next time.