Recogimos el testimonio de una mujer que está viviendo un complejo momento sentimental.
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00:00We have her on the phone. Francisca, how are you? Hello?
00:03Hello, hello, hello everyone, hello to all of you.
00:06Francisca, why did you want to contact us? Tell us your experience.
00:10Look, I'll tell you. I've been married for five years.
00:14And two years ago I had an adventure with one of the friends of my partner, of my ex-husband.
00:21Do you have a son?
00:23Yes, I have a three-year-old son.
00:26And?
00:27Well, the thing is that everything starts as a game, but every game has its price.
00:36So, this game that started as a cart of friends, now becomes something else.
00:44And the truth is that the whole project I had with my husband is making it very difficult for me.
00:52To the point that I'm really considering separating.
00:56I know that it is difficult to have a relationship as a couple,
01:00but the relationship that I have with him is already being noticed when we are with friends.
01:07But, Francisca, one thing is that you have this parallel relationship,
01:10but do you feel in love with your husband?
01:12Would you like to somehow recover that or do you feel that everything is over?
01:16The truth is that, I don't know, the truth is that like all couples,
01:21we have gone through good moments and bad moments.
01:24And the truth is that I want to be with him, but I also want to be with the other person.
01:30It's super complex.
01:32Let's see, give me a second, give me a second,
01:35because Mundo Campuzano is a psychologist and he wants to ask you a question too.
01:39Hello, Francisca.
01:40You say, I want to separate.
01:42The question is, for this new person?
01:45Or because in reality the relationship you had with your husband, I don't know,
01:49has already reached a point where the relationship, in many ways, is irreconcilable?
01:53Or is it actually motivated by this person who appears?
01:57It is motivated by this person.
01:59Can I give you some advice?
02:00Tell me.
02:01Be very careful.
02:03Let's see, why?
02:05Because sometimes the new dishes that you just try are exquisite,
02:08but I don't know if you want to eat them for the rest of your life.
02:10And second, be careful.
02:12I'm trying to give you what I've seen in 30 years of clinical experience.
02:15Yes, but when we talk about a new scoia that always goes very well,
02:18but it's been two years.
02:20But wait, the point is that this new relationship,
02:23sorry, I'm going to say it in good Chilean.
02:25But we talk about new with two years the same.
02:27No, no, I'm talking about the friend.
02:29It was born wrong.
02:30And everything that is born wrong is born crooked.
02:33That is, what I have seen, the relationships that start as lovers and hidden,
02:37never end well.
02:39Because you are going to leave with the next permission in that relationship.
02:41And if he did this to me and I did this to him, why not do it to another?
02:45It's going to start from mistrust.
02:47Look, first, with the crisis that you are going to have at the level of child and family,
02:51of what happened and that was a friend.
02:53And second, from mistrust.
02:55I'm not saying don't separate,
02:57but I'm saying that when you cut a project,
03:00I hope you have interesting foundations of why I ended up with this,
03:03and not because the green grass is more beautiful or more entertaining for now.
03:06I get angry.
03:08Did you get married very in love?
03:10Yes, excited.
03:12In love with our conflict.
03:17But as I said, every couple has good and bad moments.
03:22Maybe we are not in the worst moment,
03:24but another person who is part of my life now,
03:31has really left me in a very complex situation.
03:35That's why I call to tell my story and to ask for help or advice in this case.
03:39Because, of course, I have a project, I have a family,
03:43and on the other hand, I have this other person who makes me see life in another way too,
03:47from another perspective.
03:49How is he?
03:51Because I imagine that in five years he must not have changed that much.
03:55What made you fall in love with him?
03:57And what does he still maintain so far?
04:00Well, the truth is that what made me fall in love with him
04:05was that he could listen to me in things that I might tell the other person,
04:09that he took me into consideration.
04:12But this other person listened to me,
04:15and the other one, in the meantime, listened to me, but did not pay attention to me.
04:19I could say that.
04:20But he is also a friend of your husband.
04:24Exactly.
04:25That is also the problem.
04:27Of course, he tells me that he is like ...
04:29I mean, it's not that he tells me ...
04:31He is like that, but I also want the other person to understand me too.
04:36So, it all started like this,
04:38trying to advise me about what was happening with my partner,
04:42with my husband.
04:43And, of course, he was like a cloth of tears,
04:45being that he also has a partner.
04:47Francisca, I wanted to ask you that.
04:49Does he also have a stable, married partner and everything else?
04:52And then complement a little thing that Edmundo said.
04:55Could you answer me first?
04:57Tell me, tell me.
04:58If you could answer me how long he has been,
05:00if it is a polo, if it is a marriage, if there are children in between,
05:02in the case of your lover, in this case.
05:04He has another relationship with his partner.
05:07He is also separated.
05:09He is now with another partner.
05:11And it's been three years.
05:13You know what?
05:14What Edmundo said is very clear.
05:16His experience says it.
05:17And there is another point, which is called the forbidden.
05:20While the covenant of the front is forbidden,
05:22for God's sake, it's good.
05:23But when it starts to complement day to day,
05:26there is also a story there.
05:28And well.
05:29And an interesting question.
05:31Does the lover have children?
05:33He doesn't have children.
05:35How old is he?
05:36Look at this.
05:37How old is he?
05:38He is 35.
05:39How old are you?
05:40I am 33.
05:42Do you want to have more children in life
05:44with those you already have enough?
05:46No, with those I have enough, I think.
05:48Perfect.
05:49Just take care of this.
05:50The probability that a 35-year-old man
05:52in a short time starts asking you for another baby
05:54is going to be high.
05:55And there are things that people have sex with,
05:57but no baby or no baby.
05:59So that relationship, I'm trying to tell you,
06:02that technically it doesn't have much destiny.
06:04Be careful.
06:05I'm not saying that you don't separate yourself
06:06with the relationship you already have.
06:07Of course.
06:08You can have different life projects in a few minutes.
06:09But the brand also has something to contribute.
06:11Yes.
06:12What happens is that, look,
06:13one also, as a lawyer,
06:14listens to a lot of these stories,
06:15because in the end they are human stories, right?
06:17Breakups.
06:18And what I have always seen is that it is very difficult
06:20to overcome, right?
06:21Like what one has,
06:22the reality that one lives,
06:23that relationship that is a marriage
06:25with your children, Francisca.
06:27And on the other hand,
06:28all that idealization,
06:29all that illusion.
06:30Because in the end there is also a lot of adrenaline
06:32in having a lover who, on top of that,
06:34goes to your house,
06:35is a friend of your husband.
06:36There is also that complicity
06:38that makes you feel alive, perhaps.
06:41But is it worth it,
06:42is it worth it
06:43to leave your family,
06:44to leave your children
06:45and to take this new course?
06:47Maybe yes,
06:48because it is your happiness.
06:49But it is good
06:50to weigh and put it on the scale,
06:51I think, Francisca.
06:54Yes,
06:55I have it clear.
06:57But of course,
06:58as I was saying,
06:59there are things that suddenly
07:00one also has to prioritize,
07:01or I don't know.
07:03The family is always important.
07:05That's why I'm also very complicated,
07:08because leaving a project,
07:11leaving,
07:12as Mundo said,
07:13leaving everything
07:14for maybe something that,
07:16maybe...
07:17Or that passenger.
07:18Of course,
07:19but this passenger,
07:20as I told you,
07:21they have left me
07:22in an important jacket
07:23that they have put me
07:24in this situation.
07:25Francisca?
07:26Yes.
07:27Tell me.
07:28Francisca,
07:29I want to ask you,
07:30how did you meet
07:31this person
07:32who has been with you
07:33for two years?
07:34I know he is a friend
07:35of your husband,
07:36but how recurrent
07:37is the visit,
07:38for example,
07:39to your house
07:40or you to his house?
07:41Because he also has a partner.
07:42Of course,
07:43well, obviously,
07:44apart from not
07:45not
07:46not
07:47we meet outside,
07:48the truth.
07:49All the meetings
07:50that I have with him now
07:51are outside.
07:52Obviously,
07:53we are together at times,
07:54when we have,
07:55in this case,
07:56he goes to the house,
07:57I don't know,
07:58to watch a game
07:59with my husband,
08:00for example,
08:01yesterday he was watching
08:02the game with him.
08:03It was a moment
08:04super uncomfortable,
08:05it was uncomfortable for us,
08:06but this laugh,
08:07this complicity
08:08and this
08:09is,
08:10let's see,
08:11how can I say,
08:12well,
08:13to make it simpler,
08:14listen,
08:15if there is a moment,
08:16in a second,
08:17that we can escape,
08:18we are trying to do it.
08:19But to escape
08:20so as not to face the situation.
08:21Of course.
08:22Of course,
08:23now,
08:24Edmundo,
08:25I imagine
08:26you also have there
08:27some
08:28some comment to make?
08:29Of course.
08:30What does your consciousness
08:31tell you
08:32about what you should do?
08:33Because you said
08:34something very interesting,
08:35which is that
08:36you said
08:37that you were
08:38going to
08:39leave
08:40the house
08:41and that
08:42you were going
08:43to leave
08:44your husband
08:45and that
08:46you
08:47are not
08:48going to
08:49accept him
08:50again,
08:51and then
08:52you said
08:53something
08:54very interesting
08:55that
08:56I share
08:57and that
08:58people
08:59look for it
09:00today
09:01they want to
09:02feel good
09:03with themselves
09:04and they have
09:05the right
09:06to be
09:07happy.
09:08That
09:09is a
09:10right
09:11that
09:12And the life of one is not only the physical pleasure, it is also, in your case, mother, friend, daughter.
09:19It is an emotional stability, in general.
09:22All decisions have consequences in the world of adults.
09:25Well, Francisca, we thank you for the call. You have to be careful because you can get burned in this game.
09:33The truth is that your testimony is also very valuable because probably many women or men are also in this situation
09:40and tend to confuse their feelings.
09:42If you make the decision to separate, as Edmundo, Lamaca and Marcelo say,
09:48it is important that you put everything on the scale, which is what makes you happy.
09:52One last thing, sorry.
09:54I'm going to say something good that people don't always understand me, but let's go.
09:59Infidelity, I know that for many people it is very painful and it is terrible.
10:03And it hurts, those who have experienced it, I know, I am not questioning that.
10:06But infidelity is like a fever, it is a symptom.
10:09I invite you to ask yourself what happened in my life or in our life that I came to look to the side and I am in this.
10:20When you answer that, it will help you make a much more consistent and clear decision and you will be calmer with yourself.
10:27It is true.