A fancy restaurant is the perfect setting to celebrate a birthday, an anniversary, or to spend a special night out. Before you get dressed up and spend the big bucks to treat yourself to a very special night out, there are a few things to consider. Many patrons make common mistakes at fancier eateries without even realizing it. From condiment crimes to incorrect bread etiquette and minding your elbows, fancy restaurants can be a minefield of faux pas. We have compiled a list of behaviors to avoid so you won't be embarrassed in front of your date and judgmental waiter. Ensure you'll be the picture of class by avoiding these huge mistakes everyone makes at fancy restaurants.
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00:00A fancy restaurant is probably in your near future if you've got big dinner plans for
00:04an anniversary coming up or you just want to have a night out somewhere without paper
00:08napkins.
00:09But even if you think you know what you're doing, there are mistakes you're probably
00:12making at these upscale establishments.
00:14I appreciate it if you could just step outside.
00:16Wrong glass, sir.
00:24If you want to go to your favorite diner, order a pork chop, and bathe it in ketchup,
00:28that's your prerogative.
00:29For that matter, it's your prerogative to eat the food you want any way you want to.
00:33But let's be clear, if you go to an upscale restaurant, order a gourmet dish, and then
00:37ask for a run-of-the-mill condiment, you're going to earn the ire of the chef.
00:41In 2017, The Independent picked the brains of top chefs to determine some of their biggest
00:46diner-related pet peeves.
00:47Not surprisingly, taking liberties with condiments or other seasonings turned out to be a repeat
00:52offender.
00:53According to Helena Puolanka, the executive chef at London's Nordic-French restaurant
00:57Aster, diners should never ask for Tabasco in a fine dining restaurant.
01:01Puolanka insists it's, quote, "...blasphemy."
01:03Richard Bainbridge, chef and proprietor of British restaurant Benedict's, also had a
01:17proverbial bone to pick with patrons not trusting chefs to properly season and sauce their food,
01:22saying,
01:23The best thing a diner can do is put salt and pepper on their food, before they have
01:26even tried it.
01:27Seasoning is individual to palate, but they could at least give it a go first.
01:31Bottom line?
01:32If a dish's seasoning just isn't hitting the spot for some reason, let the chef know so
01:36they can meet your expectations, and their own.
01:39Napkin etiquette
01:40Figuring out what to do with a fancy linen napkin at a fine dining restaurant can be
01:43surprisingly perplexing.
01:45Napkin etiquette is totally a thing, and you're probably defying at least one or two tenets
01:49of it.
01:50"...and toe."
01:55Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore explained the basics to Forbes in 2013.
01:59The basic rule?
02:00Put it in your lap and don't leave it on the table.
02:02A large napkin is folded in half with the fold facing the waistline, while a smaller
02:06napkin is open completely.
02:08In upscale restaurants, a server may drape the napkin on your lap.
02:12If you need to excuse yourself for any reason during the meal, Whitmore says there's another
02:15napkin rule you must follow.
02:17If you leave the table during a meal, place your napkin loosely folded on the seat of
02:21your chair.
02:22Marley McKee
02:23Just about everyone has probably accidentally slipped their elbows onto the dinner table
02:26at some point.
02:27Still, just because we all do it doesn't mean it's considered entirely acceptable.
02:32Marley McKee, America's Modern Manners and Etiquette expert, says on her Manners Mentor
02:35blog that putting your elbows on the table is, as your mother likely taught you, round
02:39upon in a fine dining environment.
02:41She added,
02:42Plus, when your elbows are off the table, you're sitting up straighter.
02:45Research has shown again and again that the taller you sit, or stand, the more people
02:49pay attention to you and place additional authority and value into what you're saying.
02:54There are other practical reasons to keep those elbows by your side, too.
02:57If you're leaning so far into a conversation that your elbows are on the table, it'll make
03:01it that much more likely that you'll knock something over.
03:04Another serious no-no in a fine dining setting.
03:07When you're hungry and a server sets down heaven in a bowl in front of you, it's totally
03:11understandable if you get a little overzealous in eating it.
03:14But one thing you should definitely avoid?
03:16Slurping.
03:17The Etiquette Scholar blog explains proper soup etiquette technique, advising,
03:21Hold the soup spoon by resting the end of the handle on your middle finger, with your
03:24thumb on top.
03:25Dip the spoon sideways into the soup at the near edge of the bowl, then skim from the
03:29front of the bowl to the back.
03:31Sit from the side of the spoon, avoid improper table manners, and do not slurp.
03:35Proper soup-eating etiquette doesn't end when the soup does.
03:38When the last drop is gone, which you finished using your spoon, not by lifting the bowl
03:41to your mouth, make sure you don't set your spoon down on the table.
03:45It should instead be placed inside of your now-empty bowl.
03:48Oh, those pesky rules of silverware.
03:50Are they really that important?
03:52Well, they are when you're at a fine dining establishment.
03:55Fancy restaurants do go through all the trouble of setting out the whole array of utensils,
03:58after all.
03:59If you've never really been confident in your ability to navigate a formal place setting,
04:03have no fear.
04:04All you need to do is remember a few key components.
04:07The easiest rule to remember, according to What's Cooking America, is this.
04:11Use the silverware farthest from your plate first.
04:13Starting with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your plate, work your way
04:17in using one utensil for each course.
04:19Basically, that means your salad fork will be the one on your outermost left, with the
04:23dinner fork next to it.
04:24On the outermost right is your soup spoon, preceded by your teaspoon, and then, closest
04:28to the plate, your dinner knife.
04:31It might not seem like a huge deal to cancel reservations.
04:33Sometimes, life happens, and skipping out is unavoidable.
04:37Still, you should always give the restaurant a heads-up in the event something prevents
04:40you from keeping your allotted dining time.
04:43Scott Jampol, Open Table's senior vice president of marketing, had this to say in 2017 as part
04:48of a PSA urging diners to book responsibly.
04:51Many people simply don't realize the impact that no-shows and late cancellations have
04:54on the restaurant industry.
04:56Michael Voltaggio, a celebrity chef and restaurateur, partnered with Open Table on the initiative,
05:01explaining why being a no-show is such a no-no.
05:03It might seem harmless to bail on a reservation, but if you can't make it, letting us know
05:07ahead of time makes a world of difference.
05:10If we're constantly working to address no-shows on a daily basis, our business suffers.
05:15That's why we're asking diners to book responsibly.
05:17What diners take for granted is all of the work that goes on behind the scenes to prepare
05:21for patrons at a restaurant, not to mention the financial impact that comes from restaurants
05:25being left unable to fill an empty table at the last minute.
05:29Stuff comes up, and chefs get it.
05:31As Michael Davis from Sprout LA told Open Table, diners should, quote, not be afraid
05:35to cancel their reservations.
05:37We appreciate a cancellation more than a no-show.
05:40If you make the small effort to call ahead and cancel, the restaurant will know that
05:43they can let other diners use the table.
05:45It's just good manners.
05:47Although there is some flexibility here depending on the restaurant you're dining at, if a restaurant
05:51states the dress code is formal, it's disrespectful for guests not to follow it.
05:55John Winterman, managing partner at New York City's Batard, told Town & Country,
05:59"...I break it down into self-respect and respect for others.
06:02If someone comes in making an effort and looking fabulous and glamorous and they know they're
06:06in for a premium experience at a premium price, you give them a fabulous table in
06:10the middle of the room.
06:11And people react to that, when they see a crowd that's well-dressed and beautiful and
06:15sparkling."
06:16"...I thought this was a high-end restaurant, why am I the only one wearing a tux?"
06:19"...Oh, sorry, I should have told you, rich people are done with fancy clothes."
06:24And while there are certainly fine dining restaurants that have evolved to accommodate
06:27a more business-casual crowd, Winterman, in a separate interview with Forbes, pointed
06:31out that that doesn't mean that dress codes are going away entirely.
06:35There are examples in almost every major city of establishments that adhere to at least
06:38some dress code tradition, requiring dress pants, for example, or banning baseball caps.
06:43New Orleans, Dallas, Savannah, all have venerable institutions that demand proper attire.
06:48Tradition often carries respect.
06:51If you're at a boisterous family-style buffet where you can't communicate without hollering
06:54out, go for it.
06:56But if you're at a fancy restaurant, there's a more suitable way to summon your server.
06:59Hint, it definitely does not involve yelling across the room.
07:06"...oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
07:10oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
07:13Patricia Nathier Fitzpatrick, founder and president of the Etiquette School of New York,
07:17told Best Life in 2018,
07:18"...you should use eye contact or put up your index finger of your right hand, ever
07:22so slightly."
07:23The person hosting the meal is the one responsible for getting the attention of the waiter, so
07:26that they can order.
07:27If his clients or anyone he's entertaining isn't happy with their food, he's responsible
07:32for getting the wait to come over and change it.
07:34In general, you should strive to keep the volume of your voice at a lower decibel level
07:37when in a fine dining situation.
07:39Or, as lifestyle expert Maura Sweeney told Best Life,
07:42"...don't rattle the carefully created, understated atmosphere of quiet cultivated by the proprietors."
07:47Who doesn't love it when fresh bread is brought to the table before a meal?
07:51This feels especially true at upscale restaurants, where the bread is often artisanal.
07:55Think a thick, slightly chewy crust covering a light, airy, warm center.
07:59It's no surprise that most people cut off a big chunk of bread, generously butter it,
08:04and then store the piece on their bread plates between bites.
08:06"...you're naughty, and then I take my naughty pet, and I go…"
08:13Per etiquette expert Molly Watson, though, that's not proper bread etiquette.
08:16She told Serious Eats in 2014 the admittedly fussy way you should do it.
08:21Tear off a bite-sized piece of bread.
08:23Hold the piece with your fingers, not in the palm of your hand and not on the plate.
08:26Use your knife to butter it, and eat it.
08:28Repeat with the remaining bread as you like.
08:31Some diners go out of their way to be helpful or polite to servers, but sometimes it backfires.
08:36An example?
08:37Pre-bussing your own table.
08:39According to Suzanne Perry, co-owner of Dat's Restaurant Group in Tampa, Florida, you'd
08:42do better to leave your table as it is.
08:45Perry told Food & Wine,
08:46"...handing a server a stack of plates layered with food and silverware that isn't balanced
08:50and plopping a wad of napkins on top is a little insulting and messier than it really
08:54needs to be."
08:55Besides, you may not realize it, but servers have a system that enables them to be more
08:59efficient in keeping tables clear.
09:01As one Redditor explained,
09:02"...I might want to stack three entree plates on my arm and then put other small plates
09:06and silverware on top of that.
09:07If everyone stacks things, I can only bust two people's plates.
09:11If I stack, I can get many more."
09:13Paying the bill at a fancy restaurant should be a non-event.
09:16One way to do this is to give your card to the maid or dee at the start of the meal and
09:20inform them you'll sign the check on the way out.
09:22There are other ways to handle the bill discreetly.
09:24Jonathan Cook, a Quora commenter with over a decade of experience as a fine dining server,
09:28suggests one alternative.
09:29Rather than the pretend-to-go-to-the-bathroom-and-hand-your-card-to-the-waiter approach,
09:33"...I recommend calling ahead of time and putting your credit card on file at the restaurant.
09:37It's a classy move that keeps the focus on the food, wine, and fun, and keeps awkward
09:41money talk to a minimum."
09:42Bon appétit!