Public School In The 90's

Metatube

The 90s were wild. Stay tuned for the Pizza Hut Book-It! program.  Merch Store: https://brewstewmerch.com/  Special Thanks to the people that support me on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew  Brewstew.com  Fan Mail: P.O. Box 1 Lambertville, MI 48144  Music: Hidden Agenda Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)  Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...  End Music by Mark Jay  Sound Effects: http://www.freesfx.co.uk/

Transcript

00:00Alright, now for those of you that don't know, I just did a cartoon on school punishments

00:05from back in the day.

00:06You know, like when we had to write stuff on the chalkboard over and over again until

00:09our hands went numb?

00:10Remember that?

00:11That was a real rootin' tootin' time, wasn't it?

00:12Well, after doing that episode, it got me thinking about other aspects of my school

00:15days that may or may not be a thing anymore.

00:18Like for example, coat rooms.

00:20Are those still a thing?

00:21Do they exist?

00:22You see, I went to one of those old-ass public schools back in the day, that looked like

00:25a fuckin' King Koopa castle from Super Mario Brothers, and all those old-ass schools had

00:29a separate coat room attached to the classroom where you'd hang all your shit up at.

00:33We didn't have any of those stupid-ass little cubbies that they use nowadays.

00:36Alright, little children, let's put our mittens away in our little cubbies, shall we?

00:41No, back in my day, you put your shit in the coat room because your teacher didn't want

00:46to look at your stupid-ass, obnoxious, angry beaver's book bag.

00:49Put it away.

00:50Go.

00:51But the cool thing about the coat room was that was the place where all the shady shit

00:54would go down in your kit.

00:56Like if you had Pokemon cards to trade before class, or a fuckin' Newport menthol to smoke,

01:00you did that shit in the coat room where the teacher couldn't see ya.

01:03Hell, I've seen entire fuckin' fistfights go down in the coat room.

01:06I've seen a kid catch a missile dropkick to the teeth, and then five minutes later,

01:10he was sittin' at his desk takin' a spelling test.

01:11Not to mention the time where a kid took a piss inside of the coat room, and we all got

01:15to go outside again for a bonus recess while the janitor cleaned that shit up.

01:19What a fuckin' time to be alive.

01:20You definitely can't pull that shit off with a fuckin' cubby.

01:23You're askin' to catch an indecent exposure charge.

01:25So what I'm sayin' is bring back the coat rooms.

01:27Alright?

01:28They're fuckin' cool.

01:29Hashtag fuck cubbies.

01:30Now another thing that seems to be disappearing from schools these days is having your own

01:33desk.

01:34I don't know what the hell's goin' on, but it sure seems like schools these days

01:37just throw a bunch of tables and chairs in there for kids to sit at.

01:39And I think that's a pretty big mistake, because having your own desk was part of your

01:43identity back then.

01:44That was your desk.

01:45That was your little piece of the classroom.

01:47Don't touch my desk, goddammit!

01:49I pay the property tax on this motherfucker!

01:50Go!

01:51Get away!

01:52Don't even look at it!

01:53It was basically an extension of your student self.

01:56Like, if you got in trouble in class, chances are your teacher would send you and your desk

02:00out in the hallway as a punishment.

02:02Why are you sitting out here?

02:04Because me and my desk were bein' obnoxious little assholes during a spelling test.

02:08That's why.

02:09Now, how orderly you kept your desk depended a lot on if you were a little boy or if you

02:13were a little girl.

02:14Because little girls tended to be cleaner and a little bit more organized.

02:17They'd have, like, all their books neat and orderly.

02:19All their Lisa Frank folders would be in rainbow order and shit.

02:22But then you'd check out a little boy's desk, and holy hell, that shit would look like an

02:26active crime scene.

02:27There'd be shit crammed in there, all haphazard-like.

02:29There'd be, like, a fuckin' half-eaten moldy Pop-Tart sittin' there, a dead hamster in

02:34the corner and shit.

02:35You didn't know what the fuck you were gonna find in a little boy's desk.

02:37That shit would look like a goddamn I Spy book from back in the day.

02:41I spy with my little eye six boogers and nine toenail clippings.

02:46Gross.

02:47Fucking sick.

02:48But hey, it was your desk.

02:49You got to keep it how you wanted it.

02:50Hashtag fuck tables and chairs.

02:51Okie dokie.

02:52Now the next thing that I want to talk about is student graders.

02:55You remember back in the day when your whole classroom would get finished with, like, a

02:58science quiz or something, and your teacher would be sittin' there like,

03:01Well, I don't feel like grading your guys' bullshit right now.

03:04Everybody pass your paper to your neighbor and pull out a red pen.

03:06I'm gonna read off the answers, and you guys are gonna grade your own shit.

03:09Well, having students grade papers could be a good thing, or it could suck ass completely.

03:14Like, if you were grading one of your friend's papers, instead of marking something wrong,

03:17maybe instead you'd change their dumbass answer and penciled in the right one.

03:21And then maybe, you know, at lunchtime they gave you their chocolate milk, and it was

03:24a win-win for everybody.

03:25But then the other side of the coin is, you'd have somebody like, Natasha's fuckin' forthright

03:29goody-two-shoe ass grading your test, and she'd be like,

03:32Nope, fuckin' wrong!

03:33Photosynthesis isn't the first layer of the atmosphere, ya stupid asshole!

03:37You suck!

03:38Minus two points.

03:39Aw, you suck ass, Natasha, with your always-by-the-book ass!

03:42I hope you get headlights again, like you did last winter, ya fuckin' narc!

03:46But hey, you win some and you lose some.

03:48Student graders were still the shit.

03:49Hashtag fuck Natasha.

03:51Alright, now there's one last little thing that I want to talk about today.

03:54And that, of course, is pencil sharpeners.

03:56Or more specifically, THE pencil sharpener.

03:59You know, the one that was at the front of the classroom, bolted to the fuckin' wall

04:02so nobody could steal it?

04:03Is that still a thing these days?

04:04Are there still kids in this day and age, that go up to that pencil sharpener in the

04:07middle of a quiz, and just sharpen the shit out of their pencil for like, 45 minutes straight?

04:12Like,

04:13WEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEWWEW

04:16You're sittin' there, trying to focus

04:17You're fuckin' up your science quiz, six ways to Sunday and shit

04:20But that little asshole just keeps on goin',

04:22because every time he pulls out his pencil it would look like this shit right here,

04:26which would just repeat the cycle over and over again.

04:28WEOWEEOWEEOWEEOO

04:30Eventually your teacher just snaps and she's like

04:32FUCKIN' SIT DOWN, ERIC! GOD DAMN IT!

04:34THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU GET A ZERO ON YOUR QUIZ!

04:35IF YOU CAN'T SHARPEN A GODDAMN PENCIL,

04:37WELL, IT'S PROBABLY SAFE TO SAY YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE ATMOSPHERE!

04:39YOU SUCK, YOU GET AN F!

04:40Look, I don't know if THE pencil sharpener is still a thing,

04:44but God I hope it is, what a time to be alive!

04:46Hashtag, fuck mechanical pencils.

04:48Alright, so those are just some of the things that I wanted to talk about today.

04:51And really I could just go on and on and on about certain shit.

04:54I mean, I didn't even talk about the fucking Pizza Hut Book It program, for Christ's sake.

04:58You know, when they used to give us personal pan pizzas for reading five frog and toad books?

05:03Neat, cool, alright.

05:04So if you guys want to hear more, or if you have any suggestions,

05:07why don't you drop a comment down below?

05:09Or don't, I'm not your dad.

05:10I can't tell you what to do.

05:12The end.

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