Trump set in motion a plan to dissolve the Department of Education, as the crazy starts to pile up many have been wondering how and when the Democrats are planning to fight back, the United States is no longer providing Ukraine with military aid or intelligence which means they are largely in the dark, Zelensky attended the EU Summit in Brussels where the press came at him like a school of piranhas, Trump is planning to deport more than 20,000 Ukrainians who are living here while Russia is bombing their country, Elon Musk has endorsed the idea of the US pulling out of both NATO and the United Nations, the only person who comes close to Elon Musk when it comes to having multiple children with unusual names is Nick Cannon so we play a little game called CANNON OR ELON?, Trump continued to play whack-a-mole with the market by announcing he’s delaying the tariffs on Mexico and Canada that he announced this week, Canada is in full-on defense mode, JD Vance is stirring it up at the border of Mexico by saying that Trump still wants to finish the wall, a number of artists have cancelled their scheduled engagements at the Kennedy Center after Trump installed himself as Chairman of the Board, people are taking to Facebook Marketplace to sell eggs since they’re so expensive, and we head out to Hollywood Blvd to ask pedestrians how birds have babies.
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Jimmy Kimmel serves as host and executive producer of Emmy® nominated “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” ABC’s late-night talk show. “Jimmy Kimmel Live” is well known for its viral video successes, with over 16 billion views and more than 19 million subscribers on the show’s YouTube channel. Some of Kimmel’s most popular comedy bits include Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, Lie Witness News, Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge, Jimmy and Cousin Sal pranking Aunt Chippy and music stars like Rihanna and Dua Lipa surprising Jimmy in the middle of the night.
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NewsTranscript
00:00I'm Jimmy.
00:00I'm the host of the show.
00:01Thanks for watching.
00:02Thank you for joining us here in Los Angeles, California.
00:06Have you tried our avocados?
00:07Oh, man.
00:09We got some damn fine avocados, right, Guillermo?
00:11That's right, Jimmy.
00:13I just was looking for something to talk about besides Trump.
00:16And you know what?
00:17I failed.
00:18Donald Trump has been president for 45 days, only 1,417 to go.
00:24Today, he set in motion his plan to dissolve
00:27the Department of Education.
00:29He directed his new Secretary of Education, Linda McMahon,
00:33the one from wrestling.
00:34That's right.
00:36WWE co-founder Linda McMahon will
00:39supervise the important work of dismantling
00:42the Department of Education.
00:44Good for him, though.
00:45Another genius tactical move.
00:47I'll tell you why.
00:48He keeps getting attacked by all these smart people.
00:50What does he do?
00:51He outlaws smart.
00:52There will be no more smart.
00:54Of course, it's also a win for Linda McMahon.
00:57The less educated we are, the more
00:58likely we are to believe that wrestling is real.
01:02It's interesting how this will work.
01:04An executive order to close the department
01:07would likely require 60 votes in the Senate.
01:10Republicans only have 53 seats in the Senate,
01:13so they won't get that.
01:14But they will be able to bleed the department out.
01:17Their plan, they say, is to turn control
01:19over education to the states.
01:21In other words, bad news, Mississippi.
01:23Your kids aren't going to be able to spell
01:24Mississippi anymore.
01:27As the pile of crazy starts to build,
01:30a lot of people have been wondering
01:32how and when the Democrats are planning to fight back.
01:35Well, look out, because we got a plan,
01:38and we are launching it on TikTok.
01:40Choose your character.
01:58Yeah, we're not going to stand back and take it anymore.
02:00We're going to fight.
02:03What is that supposed to do besides embarrass
02:07everyone involved with it?
02:08And then we had a scene outside NPR
02:10where angry protesters gathered to denounce a bill in the House
02:14that would eliminate funding for public broadcasting.
02:17So I'm going to say Whose Streets,
02:20and you're going to say Sesame Street, yeah?
02:22OK, here we go.
02:23Let's try it.
02:24You know, maybe I'll look into getting
02:27a medically-induced coma for the next four years
02:30as a way to sleep it out.
02:32We are, oh, man, if that is the best we got,
02:35Ukraine is even in more trouble than we realize.
02:38You know, the United States is no longer providing Ukraine
02:41with military aid or intelligence,
02:43which means they're largely in the hands of the government.
02:46And so we're going to have to do something
02:48about that, and we're going to have to do something
02:50about it.
02:52Which means they're largely in the dark
02:54and can't conduct missile strikes
02:55using certain US-made weapons.
02:58After Trump kicked them out of the White House Friday,
03:00President Zelensky went right to Europe for help.
03:03He went to the EU summit in Brussels
03:05where the press came at him like a school of piranhas.
03:08So today, Vladimir, thank you for coming.
03:11It's a very important moment to show that we stand by Ukraine
03:16for as long as it takes.
03:18Thank you very much.
03:19Dear Antonia, dear Ursula, and I want
03:21to thank all our European leaders, first of all,
03:26and for such strong support, at least
03:30a strong support from the very beginning of their work.
03:33Hold on, now, wait a minute.
03:34At least one of those was an ice cream cone, I think.
03:38It was reported today that Trump's
03:40planning to deport more than 200,000 Ukrainians who
03:43are living here in the United States
03:45while Russia's bombing their country.
03:46He's going to send them back to the-
03:48At this point, even Putin's like, hey, reel it in a little.
03:51You're making this a little too obvious, you know?
03:54On top of that, our co-president, Elon Musk,
03:57has endorsed the deal, the idea of the US pulling out
04:01of both NATO and the United Nations, which is big.
04:04Because Elon Musk, you know, he has 14 kids.
04:07He doesn't ever pull out of anything.
04:10And Elon has number, baby number 14 over the weekend.
04:17The baby's mother tweeted the child's name,
04:20which is Selden Lycurgus.
04:23And I wonder if when he impregnates these women,
04:25they have a conversation.
04:26He's like, there's one thing that's very important to me.
04:29The child must have a ridiculous name, OK?
04:32It's interesting, because the only guy who
04:34even comes close to Elon when it comes to multiple children
04:37with unusual names is Nick Cannon.
04:40Nick Cannon's got some strange ones, too.
04:42And with that said, it's time to play Cannon or Elon?
04:46Guess which baby belongs to which father?
04:50First up, Zion Mixolydian.
04:53Who's your daddy?
04:54Zion, do you know?
04:55Audience?
04:56Elon.
04:58Or Cannon, and the answer is Nick Cannon.
05:03All right, next up, Exa Dark Sidereal.
05:08You say Elon, and it is Elon, daughter of Elon Musk.
05:12Next, Zillionaire.
05:16Nick Cannon, it is Zillionaire Cannon, that's right.
05:20Followed by Onyx Ice Coal.
05:24Ice Coal.
05:25Nick Cannon, yeah, that's a Cannon kid.
05:29This one I think will be obvious, too.
05:31X-A-A-X-I-I.
05:36Is it Elon?
05:37It is Elon.
05:39Named his kid after his company, or his company after his kid.
05:42I don't know what.
05:43For this one, oh, two children, twins,
05:45named Strider and Azure.
05:47Who do they belong to?
05:51They belong to Elon Musk.
05:55Not too crazy, but how about this?
05:57Technomechanicus.
06:01That's right, that is Technomechanicus Musk.
06:04And finally, Tropical Game Fuel.
06:07Is that Elon or Nick?
06:11That one is actually a flavor of Mountain Dew.
06:14Thanks for playing, and I'm sure we'll
06:16have many more in the future.
06:19You know, Trump definitely thinks
06:22those are stupid names, right?
06:24I mean, the only name dumber than Technomechanicus
06:27is Eric.
06:29Today, Donald Trump continued playing whack-a-mole
06:32with the stock market by announcing
06:33he's delaying some of the tariffs
06:35he put on Mexico and Canada earlier this week.
06:38But Canada's in full-on defense mode right now.
06:41In response to the tariffs, many Canadian stores
06:45have pulled American-made liquor off their shelves.
06:50That's all liquor from the United States.
06:51It's all gone.
06:52And this is a painstaking process for Canadians,
06:54because they apologize to each bottle
06:56as they remove it from the shelf.
06:59I'm so sorry.
07:01Can you believe we're shaking down Canada?
07:03They must be so confused.
07:05We had such a good relationship.
07:06It's like, you know what it's like?
07:07It's like we suddenly got hooked on meth,
07:09and we went to the apartment upstairs and yelled,
07:12you got any money?
07:15Meanwhile, J.D. Vance was busy stirring it up down south
07:18at the border of Mexico.
07:19He said Trump still wants to finish that wall
07:21he campaigned on the first time.
07:23We're back on that again.
07:25I don't think we need to finish the wall.
07:26It feels like this administration's
07:28already doing a pretty good job of making
07:29sure no one wants to live here.
07:31They might have to build a wall to keep us in at this point.
07:36One of the sillier things Trump has done since taking office
07:40was installing himself as chairman of the board
07:42of the Kennedy Center.
07:43And as a result, a number of artists
07:45have canceled their previously scheduled engagements,
07:48including Hamilton.
07:49Hamilton, the musical, will not have a run at the Kennedy
07:52Center.
07:53It will be replaced by a production
07:54of Kanye West's side story, and then
07:58followed by an all-white production of The Wiz.
08:02One of the big indicators that Americans are paying attention
08:06to lately are eggs.
08:08Eggs have gotten so expensive, and in some places scarce,
08:12that Trump's secretary of agriculture,
08:14his recommendation was that we all get chickens, which
08:17would make sense.
08:19Except the reason we have this problem
08:21is because the bird flu.
08:22It's not a great time to have chickens in your yard.
08:25And of course, there are people looking to profit from this,
08:28which is usually the case.
08:29Even selling eggs on Facebook Marketplace,
08:33like this guy who has got a lot of them
08:35and no room in his fridge.
08:37He's selling them for $7, I guess.
08:39Maybe a dozen, maybe a piece.
08:40You can get them fertilized or unfertilized.
08:43No judgment.
08:43Some people, nice people, are actually giving them away.
08:47Although, from the looks of this photo,
08:48he may kill you when you show up at his.
08:51And then there are those who are selling whole chicken setups,
08:55coops and runs.
08:56I don't know.
08:57Personally, I've always lived by the words,
08:58never eat anything you bought off Facebook.
09:01But if you are in the market for a new or gently used frittata,
09:06Facebook is the place right now.
09:08Eggs have been on a lot of people's minds
09:10since the election.
09:11But the truth is, even though they're something
09:13we eat almost every day, eggs are very mysterious.
09:17We really, not too many of us understand them.
09:20And since we don't have much of a Department of Education
09:23anymore, we went out to the best place
09:26to learn, Hollywood Boulevard, to ask people out
09:29on the street how birds have babies.
09:33And this is what we learned.
09:34Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
09:39How do birds have babies?
09:41Oh, I don't know.
09:42I mean, I know very little about that.
09:45Like, as in, how does the egg create inside the bird?
09:49Have no idea.
09:50How do birds have babies?
09:52Through their crotch.
09:54Birds have babies in a nest.
09:57How do birds have babies?
09:59They hatch them from an egg.
10:03Right?
10:04Eggs.
10:05They lay eggs.
10:07They keep the eggs warm in a nest.
10:10And then the eggs hatch.
10:11How do they get pregnant?
10:13Or do they get pregnant?
10:15Or?
10:15I don't think they, I think they just
10:19step beside another bird and they lay an egg.
10:26So how does the egg appear?
10:29Science.
10:33I think, because I know they have to eat rocks.
10:36I'm pretty sure something in the rocks with like the-
10:39Wait, who has to eat rocks?
10:41The chickens.
10:42OK.
10:43The chickens have to eat the rocks
10:45to form this like hard shell around to produce
10:50the eggs in the egg sac.
10:53And then it comes out.
10:54Do male birds have penises?
10:56I don't think I've ever seen one.
10:59I'm sure they do.
11:01It's like under the bed or somewhere.
11:03Such a masculine, such a figure of power in this country,
11:06I got to assume that yes, they have
11:09a penis and a very large one.
11:13What did you study in college?
11:15Zoology.
11:17So do male birds have penises?
11:20Don't know the answer to that.
11:23Does any of this seem recognizable to you?
11:25OK, to be completely honest, this looks like a tomato.
11:28That looks like a pile of potatoes.
11:31Ooh, bacon, but that's not a chicken thing.
11:33That's not a chicken thing.
11:34Claws.
11:36This is an anus.
11:38I think that's an anus.
11:39Does everything happen in that wine hall?
11:42Depends who you're asking.
11:43I don't know.
11:44I don't know.
11:44I'm asking you.
11:45You're asking me?
11:46Usually.
11:49Explain what's happening in this picture.
11:51The rooster is laying on a chicken.
11:55OK.
11:56Why is she crying?
11:58It probably works.
11:59How long does he do that for?
12:02It can last a few minutes.
12:05Do you know what it looks like when two birds have sex?
12:09I have heard that the one bird can
12:12be on top of the other bird like this.
12:15And sometimes they do it flying, I believe.
12:18I know that there's like this mating ritual thing.
12:21Like bald eagles, they like cling onto each other's claws
12:24and they like do a death spiral towards the floor.
12:27They go, whoo.
12:28And then, right?
12:30Then they like spiral towards the floor.
12:34And then right before they hit the ground, they go, whoo.
12:38And then I guess like a baby comes out or something.
12:40All right, well, I tell you, that's some good stuff there.
12:46Oh my god, I can't believe it.
12:48We have 20 million subscribers on YouTube.
12:51Unbelievable.
12:51I only wish we got paid for this.
12:53If you haven't subscribed yet, what are you waiting for?
12:56Help us get to 50 million, please.
12:58It's an emergency.