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00:00Mar-a-Lago, Donald speaking.
00:06Bonjour, Prime Minister Trudeau here, officially calling to congratulate President Trump on
00:11his victory.
00:12One moment please, I'll see if he's here, because he's so tremendously busy doing big
00:17things.
00:18Very big things.
00:19The biggest, I'm told.
00:20Please hold.
00:21It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:22It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:23It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:24It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:25It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:26It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:27It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:28It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:29It's fun to stay at the YMCA.
00:30Hello, former and future President Trump here.
00:33Who's calling?
00:34Mr. President, it's Justin.
00:36Justin who?
00:37Justin Trudeau.
00:39You know, handsome, cool socks, brown face.
00:43Need more!
00:44The Canadian Prime Minister.
00:46Please hold.
00:47Young man, there's no need to feel down.
00:48I said young man, can you feel down?
00:49♪ Need to feel down, I said, young man, pick yourself up. ♪
00:54Okay, Justin, make it quick.
00:56A lot of big-time leaders calling to congratulate me.
00:59The President of Italy, the Pope is calling,
01:02and I'm expecting a call from the Prime Minister
01:04of Lichtenstein, so start licking my stern.
01:09I'm calling to congratulate you
01:11on behalf of the Canadian people.
01:13I mean, mostly the ones that don't like me,
01:16but we're neighbors.
01:18We should act like that.
01:19We could get an American beer together,
01:22or as we call it, water.
01:25We're gonna hurt you so bad, we really are.
01:28I'm gonna make your softwood very hard for you,
01:30and I'm gonna make the cars very tariffy,
01:33and we're gonna deport all the Ryans
01:34and buy all the hockey teams,
01:35and we're gonna drain the Falls on day one.
01:38Bad bye!
01:39Wait, wait, Monsieur President.
01:41I actually called for a different reason,
01:43but I, um, I can't believe I'm saying this.
01:46I, um, I, um, I need your help.
01:50Ugh.
01:52Oh, look, no one likes me.
01:55Everybody hates me, but that never stopped you.
01:58Now, tell me, how do you do it?
02:00Let me tell you, I was defeated,
02:01I was hated, I was convicted.
02:03I was fined, broke, mocked, and shot,
02:05but I stayed true to who I was,
02:07an orange, miserable, small-handed monster.
02:11And eventually, people's standards lowered
02:13to the point that I could walk right over them.
02:15Okay, so you're saying there's a chance.
02:18Oh, no, not for you, you're screwed.
02:20Even I can see that, and I'm completely out of my mind.
02:24Oh, that's President Pope on the other line.
02:27I gotta go.
02:27Uh, well, au revoir.
02:29Oh, wait, wait, Justin,
02:30there is one thing you can do for me.
02:32Yes, what is it, sir?
02:33Yes, a selfie, a state visit, a non-judgmental cuddle.
02:37Do you have Pierre Pallièvre's number?
02:40Oh, hang on a sec.
02:41Hello?
02:42Oh, yes, your holiness, I'll see if I can find him.
02:45Please hold.