Join Mike Graham on YouTube every Friday at 7pm for Plank Of The Week. Enjoy this week's Valentine's Day special.
Mike picks the planks with Jeremy Kyle, Peter Bleksley, Kinsey Schofield and Mark Wogan.
00:00 Health Minister Ashley Dalton says people can identify as Llamas
04:40 Keir Starmer tries to silence the BBC
10:15 Meghan Markle slammed at the Invictus Games
14:30 Science Museum claims LEGO is anti-LGBT
19:00 David Lammy opens talks on reparations with the Caribbean
22:51 Gen-Z think Britain is racist and won't fight for country
29:48 Illegal migrant can't be deported as son hates 'foreign' chicken nuggets
34:55 Kanye West dropped after Superbowl controversy
41:19 King's Cross remove train announcements
44:01 Humza Yousaf attacks Suella Braverman
Remember to subscribe to Kinsey Schofield Unfiltered: https://www.youtube.com/@KinseySchofieldUnfiltered?sub_confirmation=1
Click here for more from Talk: https://talk.tv
If you need any help visit: https://talk.tv/helplines
#mikegraham #plankoftheweek #kinseyschofield
Mike picks the planks with Jeremy Kyle, Peter Bleksley, Kinsey Schofield and Mark Wogan.
00:00 Health Minister Ashley Dalton says people can identify as Llamas
04:40 Keir Starmer tries to silence the BBC
10:15 Meghan Markle slammed at the Invictus Games
14:30 Science Museum claims LEGO is anti-LGBT
19:00 David Lammy opens talks on reparations with the Caribbean
22:51 Gen-Z think Britain is racist and won't fight for country
29:48 Illegal migrant can't be deported as son hates 'foreign' chicken nuggets
34:55 Kanye West dropped after Superbowl controversy
41:19 King's Cross remove train announcements
44:01 Humza Yousaf attacks Suella Braverman
Remember to subscribe to Kinsey Schofield Unfiltered: https://www.youtube.com/@KinseySchofieldUnfiltered?sub_confirmation=1
Click here for more from Talk: https://talk.tv
If you need any help visit: https://talk.tv/helplines
#mikegraham #plankoftheweek #kinseyschofield
Categoría
🗞
NoticiasTranscripción
00:00Live from London, it's Plank of the Week with Mike Graham.
00:08Good evening and welcome to a very special Valentine's Day edition of Plank of the Week.
00:12After all, it is the time of love, it is the time of goodwill to all men and women and non-binary people possibly as well.
00:20Jeremy Carl is of course here, Peter Blexley is here with a bit of romance in his soul
00:25and for the first time ever, Kinsey Schofield from America has joined us
00:29and Mark Wogan for the very first time as well, another Plank virgin. Welcome.
00:33And let's get things underway. Jeremy Carl, once again, the Labour government has surprised us all this week, have they not?
00:39Ashley Dalton, come on down. There she is, Ashley Dalton.
00:44This is a woman who, bearing in mind there are seven million people trying to get to see a doctor,
00:49bearing in mind our health service is on its arse, he thought it would be a good idea to employ and make the new health minister
00:55a woman who, I don't even know how to say this, believes that it's OK to identify as a llama.
01:01A llama. So I can spit on you and get away with it.
01:04A woman, a woman who thinks that women can have a penis.
01:09Yes. And that earlier picture that you showed before, when I saw that picture, I thought, it's Eddie Izzard.
01:15It looks exactly like... What, the llama or her? No, her. She looks like Eddie Izzard.
01:19As I said on air, I prayed for those... Bear, look. Eddie Izzard.
01:22Do you remember the old-fashioned women, the ones that had a womb? Do you know what I mean? But no, not this one.
01:26Same-sex toilets, women can have a penis, people can identify as llamas.
01:30She is the new health minister. This is representative for government to say they care.
01:35Right. Also, more importantly, I think, particularly given that she's now got quite an important job with the NHS in mind,
01:40she doesn't think that they should have any separate toilets for anybody.
01:43Llamas, men, women, you'll go in the same place. You know, it doesn't matter.
01:47I mean, that has implications, doesn't it, for going to a hospital.
01:50Do you want to get your bits out in front of a llama? I don't think so.
01:53I mean, I've seen... Sama Llama. It rhymes. It does. The Farmer Harmer.
01:56Well, the Farmer Harmer stama is now in favour of llamas.
01:59Can we go back to the picture of the llama, quickly? Yes.
02:02What I'm more concerned about... Now, that was actually Dalton. Oh, right.
02:06What I'm concerned about is it does look like a bad 80s band. It does.
02:11A bad one? There's a sort of flock of seagulls. A flock of seagulls.
02:14Human League. Possibly the Human League. The Human League. Is that one?
02:17Yes. Or the Thompson Twins. Is it sort of a Dale Vince look-alike?
02:20Do you want to join my group? I'm thinking you're setting up Gerry and the Actrix.
02:24It is. I'll tell you what, we aren't the only ones that found this ridiculous
02:30and stupid and very funny. Lee Anderson. Yeah, great question, this.
02:33A great sense of humour. He was in the House of Commons this week.
02:36He's one of the reform MPs, of course, one of the Five.
02:39Gang of Five. Don't call them that, but we can. Famous Five.
02:42The Famous Five. Yeah, Five going mad in Westminster.
02:45How about this? Lee Anderson talking to Wes Streeting, asking him a question.
02:48Lee Anderson. Thank you, Mr Speaker. Now, the new Health Minister has stated
02:52that it's OK for a human being to present as a llama.
02:55So what I want to know is if I have a family member who presents as a llama
02:59and suddenly becomes ill in the middle of the night,
03:01do they send for a doctor, a vet or a straitjacket?
03:07Tice was absolutely kidding himself. It was brilliant.
03:09I mean, Wes Streeting played a very straight bat and said,
03:12oh, actually, you know, we treat everybody the same.
03:14I don't think you can say straight bat in front of Ashley Dalton.
03:17But on a serious note, the reason I thought, you know, plank of the week,
03:20is this is symptomatic of the BS that now infects almost every part of the woman.
03:25You are. This is a woman. You'd want her to come out and go,
03:27do you know what? The NHS is on its backside.
03:29Seven million people are waiting to see a doctor.
03:31No, it's OK to identify as a llama.
03:33Yeah, but Keir Starmer did promise change in the election campaign.
03:36He did. And this is the change he's delivering.
03:39Yeah. Where we now have health ministers who think you can identify as a llama.
03:43And that's never happened before. Fixing the foundations.
03:45So, man of his word, this is the change Starmer is talking about.
03:48Are you happy about that change? You like that kind of change?
03:51You know, I might want to identify as a rose.
03:53Well, that would be very hard to find.
03:55Long and green and covered in thorns.
03:57Well, if you could, just very quickly, what would you...
03:59If you could be an animal for a day, what would it be?
04:02A skunk. I'd be a cock or two.
04:05They're so cute.
04:07Cock or two. Cock or two.
04:09A cock or two. I'd be a great white shark.
04:12What did you say?
04:14I heard that's what you like.
04:17Wow.
04:19Very good.
04:21Anyway, so...
04:22Join me.
04:23Blexi wants to be a great white shark. Why?
04:25Yeah, because then I would prowl the shallow waters of the Australian coast
04:29and kill Australians.
04:31Wow. OK.
04:33I don't know how we got there. Anyway, it's going well so far.
04:35Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
04:37Apart from Australians, obviously.
04:39Peter Blexi, up to you now with the Prime Minister.
04:42Well, of course, Keir Starmer, of course,
04:44that man who so promised us change,
04:47change from the sleaze of the Tory party
04:50and all of that kind of stuff.
04:52So you thought perhaps we were going to have an open and transparent
04:56and maybe even an honest government.
04:58Crony-free as well. Yeah. No cronyism.
05:00Absolutely not. Grown-up politics.
05:03Not under Keir Starmer.
05:06Thank you. Get it right, Blexi.
05:08Right.
05:10So, anyway, the story broke this week
05:13about how Starmer tried to stifle the story
05:17that the BBC were going to publish...
05:19Yeah, that's right.
05:21..about Sue Grey. Yeah, I remember her.
05:23Ennobled this week into the House of Lords.
05:25It's Lord Sue Grey of Tottenham now, isn't it?
05:27It's not Lord, isn't it? Well, I'm calling her that.
05:29You know, she can identify as a woman if she wants.
05:31I think she looks like a bloke. Anyway, you carry on.
05:33Yeah.
05:35So what actually happened is that she got a pay rise
05:39that meant she was earning in her previous positions
05:43more than the Prime Minister.
05:45I remember that story.
05:46And that story was going to break.
05:48And Starmer said, we'll have none of that.
05:50He got his Chief of Staff to contact Davey, the head of the BBC,
05:54to suppress this story.
05:56Yeah, because that's his first instinct, right?
05:58As a proper dictator, he thinks the best thing to do,
06:02the first thing he thinks of doing,
06:04is to try and stop any information coming out of the walls
06:06of Downing Street.
06:07And the minute you do that, it'll come out anyway,
06:09because it'll be leaked.
06:10He is clearly an enemy of the truth.
06:13He absolutely is.
06:14Did she used to be a pop star, then?
06:16Was she called David Grey?
06:17No, that's a different one.
06:18Babylon.
06:19Yeah, Babylon, yeah.
06:20Terrible song.
06:22I mean, sorry.
06:24Well, I mean...
06:25Some people liked it.
06:26Some people liked it.
06:27Shoe shop music.
06:28Yeah, it's true, actually.
06:29Shoe shop music.
06:31It's like Coldplay.
06:33Angela Rayner was out and about this week, of course.
06:35Oh.
06:36Were there rain shots?
06:37Did you see them shoes?
06:38Well, have a look.
06:39She goes to meet the King, and this is what she wore.
06:41Look.
06:42Look at the shawaddy-waddy shoes.
06:43I mean, we've got a musical theme on the show coming through.
06:45It's Herman Munster.
06:46Also, what is the coat, right?
06:47She's nipped her shoes off Herman Munster.
06:48Somebody said she stole that from a horse on the way in.
06:50Oh, sorry.
06:51She stopped somewhere.
06:52I'm going to make a very serious point.
06:53What about the coat?
06:54I don't like that our King's becoming too bloody political.
06:56What's he doing with those two anyway?
06:57I know.
06:58That's true.
06:59Well, he is a bit woke up, isn't he?
07:00That worries me.
07:01What I love about that clip is that Rayner and Starmer are waving at the kids,
07:05because the kids are all waving flags, and they're cheering,
07:07and they're there for the King.
07:09They haven't got a clue who those two are,
07:11and yet they're waving to him, thinking they're Hollywood.
07:13Looks like an extra from Wicked.
07:15Yeah.
07:16She does look like Kermit the Frog, so they...
07:18It does.
07:19And I would like to be informed that those shoes are referred to...
07:22Because I put a tweet out referring to them as bother boots,
07:24which is probably 770s, but apparently these are brothel creepers.
07:27They are brothel creepers.
07:28What does that mean, Peter?
07:29Have you crept through a brothel?
07:30What?
07:31Tread quietly.
07:32Brothel, brothel.
07:34No one will know.
07:36He'd be arresting people, kids.
07:37You don't want to get the wrong end of the stick.
07:39Just tuning in, he used to be...
07:40So far, he's going to eat Australians who creep round brothels.
07:43It's all going wrong.
07:45No wonder the Metropolitan Police is in the ditch.
07:47You know, absolutely disgraceful.
07:49But also, Angela Rennie was also out and about this last weekend,
07:53defending Keir Starmer, because she was sent out
07:55as the Deputy Prime Minister, which they don't do very often,
07:58because they don't let her off the lead very often,
08:00because you never know what she's going to say.
08:02But here she is, apparently defending the Prime Minister.
08:05A new book reports that you said he couldn't run a bath.
08:08Did you say that?
08:09Well, I'm not...
08:10You know, there's a lot of things that were said in that book
08:13that I don't recognise, to be honest.
08:15Did you not say that?
08:16And it's tittle-tattle, so I don't recognise...
08:18I don't recognise what was said in that book.
08:20But that's not tittle-tattle.
08:21That's what the woman who's now the Deputy Prime Minister
08:24is reported to have said about the now Prime Minister.
08:26Sure, and there was lots of other things that people have said,
08:29people have said about me or anyone else,
08:31and, no, I don't recognise ever saying that to anybody.
08:34But we all have frustrations when we're at work sometimes.
08:37I don't recognise.
08:38I think when she looks in the mirror,
08:40she doesn't recognise a competent politician.
08:42No. Did you recognise the wonky fringe that she had?
08:44It sort of goes sideways.
08:45Well, no, I mean, the fringe was wonky,
08:47but thank God she's got rid of the hair extensions,
08:49cos they were extraordinary.
08:50I didn't recognise that. I didn't notice.
08:52She had them on her knees.
08:53No, she didn't recognise them as her own hair.
08:57Logan's on fire.
08:58There's clearly a lot of bad blood between her and Keir Starmer.
09:02I don't recognise that. Don't you?
09:04It's also in the book, right, that he tried to fire her
09:07after the Hartlepool by-election in 2021.
09:09She basically stormed out, swore at him, stormed out of the room,
09:12went down the pub, switched off her phone
09:14and got all of her mates in the union business to ring Starmer
09:17and say, if you mess around with Angela Rayner,
09:19you're in a lot of trouble.
09:20And so he then promoted her.
09:22And now she's got better jobs ever since.
09:24So I think she's got his number.
09:26That comes down to the whole thing about Starmer in my mind,
09:28that the tent is so large to get elected,
09:30that he's got left, right, centre...
09:32He cannot do anything because he's in hock, I think,
09:35to so many different people.
09:36Honestly, the left, the right, the centre...
09:38And just going back to old Ashley Dalton...
09:41That was a llama impression.
09:42Is that what llamas sound like?
09:43I don't recognise that.
09:44I don't know what they sound like.
09:45I don't think it's that.
09:46I've only ever seen an alpaca.
09:48But she hasn't actually...
09:49An what-paca?
09:50An alpaca.
09:51She hasn't actually said anything, Ashley Dalton.
09:53I mean...
09:54Mainly that.
09:55Yes.
09:56I mean, maybe that's why.
09:57Maybe she's worried...
09:58Christopher Hill.
09:59I don't recognise that.
10:01Yes.
10:02You're just being facetious.
10:03Perhaps we should move on.
10:05Kinsey Schofield, for the very first time,
10:07welcome to Plank of the Week.
10:09There we go.
10:10Excuse me.
10:11I don't think I want to watch this.
10:13Can you not get it out, Steve?
10:14You can tell I've been cursing.
10:15Oh, dear.
10:16What's going on?
10:17Welcome to Plank of the Week, and please have a rose.
10:19Oh, my goodness.
10:21You are such a romance.
10:22And she is indeed...
10:23Why can't you give her that old rose?
10:24I've got to go around.
10:25You'll get one in a minute.
10:26I don't want one.
10:27I don't identify with roses.
10:28She is indeed a rose between two thorns.
10:29Is she not?
10:30That is true.
10:31That is true.
10:32Absolutely right.
10:33Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:34Now, Valentine's Day wouldn't be Valentine's Day
10:36without a mention of Harry and Meghan,
10:38the most loved-up couple in the universe.
10:40Vom.
10:41Did you see her holding on to him like this
10:43and him looking up as if he was about to burst into tears?
10:46That famous picture with the Invictus Games.
10:48Yes.
10:49Yes.
10:50What have you got for us on Harry and Meghan?
10:52I think that it's just been kind of the most despicable thing
10:55ever to watch Meghan Markle utilise injured heroes,
10:59veterans that are there to challenge themselves physically
11:03and mentally.
11:05You know, these are people that are just trying to uplift themselves
11:09and feel good about themselves.
11:11Meghan is using this as a PR opportunity.
11:14Vanity Fair did that savage piece last month
11:17claiming that she was shopping a divorce book,
11:20so of course she's going to stick her tongue down Prince Harry's throat
11:23every three seconds when a camera's near her.
11:25And then also she's got a...
11:27Are you OK?
11:29A little bit of vomit in his mouth.
11:31Gosh, hold on.
11:32Hold on, hold on.
11:34Let's all try not to think about that.
11:37Yeah, yeah.
11:38This is basically them driving a golf buggy.
11:40Yeah, we've got that.
11:41Really blind and they've asked us to disable them.
11:43We've got that.
11:44You can be pretty sure, right, this is in the stadium in Vancouver.
11:48Yes.
11:49And they're sort of waving at all these people
11:51who have probably been told to stand there, right?
11:53He's waving his fist at one of them.
11:55Yeah, where are your Mardi Gras beads?
11:57Because it's like you're watching a Disney parade.
11:59This is not... It looks so vile, you know?
12:02I looked at it and thought, 100%.
12:04And I thought, do they think they're the Pope or something like that?
12:07And then Meghan taking that woman's wheelchair from Team Canada
12:11and moving it without her permission.
12:13Was the woman in it?
12:14Yes!
12:15This woman is talking stops mid-sentence
12:19because she's startled by the fact that Meghan
12:21is pushing her wheelchair without her permission
12:23because Meghan is trying to adjust it for a photo-op.
12:26And, yeah, that is, to me, it's just totally...
12:30And this is fresh from their latest version,
12:32which was down, of course, to Los Angeles
12:34to comfort the poor victims of the fires, right?
12:37Right, where people that were there,
12:39hundreds of people there to volunteer,
12:41were asked to take a 15-minute break to step aside
12:44so that Harry and Meghan could come in with their entourage
12:47and get a private tour by the mayor of Pasadena.
12:50Yeah.
12:51And, yeah, all of this is Meghan's...
12:53Is there an ambulance they won't chase?
12:55Exactly.
12:56I must say, because in my notice,
12:57they used to live in Windsor very quickly.
12:59You know that as well.
13:00And that day, that famous day,
13:02when the foursome sort of reunited to walk down
13:05and look at the flowers,
13:06I promise you, because I was there with Oliver,
13:08I was there on the long walk.
13:12The Netflix camera crew were 75 yards behind in trees.
13:15And you could see their mic caps.
13:16They are the biggest... They just use everything.
13:19They're a disgrace, man.
13:20I don't know when you saw this.
13:21This is her trying to see whether she can get
13:24as many likes as possible.
13:26I mean, what is she doing?
13:28Completely clout-chasing.
13:29The same thing she did last week
13:32when she released a video saying that she spoke
13:34to Adam Levine from Maroon 5 and Billie Eilish
13:37to get a woman, a child,
13:40that lost some of her memorabilia in the fire.
13:42When you do something nice for somebody,
13:44you don't name-drop 15 people.
13:46No, no.
13:47And you don't record it yourself.
13:48And, you know, it was completely...
13:50It's clout-chasing.
13:51You are so desperate.
13:52Yeah.
13:53It's like, you know, friends by association.
13:55She's trying to take other people's high vibes
13:58and utilise them for her own popularity.
14:01And he definitely doesn't look very happy, does he?
14:03No.
14:04I mean, it's not just a bad camera angle.
14:06It's not just taking a picture at the wrong time.
14:08He just doesn't look like a happy guy.
14:10Every day looks like a colonoscopy.
14:12Yeah.
14:13Every day.
14:14That's not nice.
14:15Mark, let's move on from colonoscopy to...
14:18Before you start, Mark, in fairness,
14:21welcome to Blank of the Week and Happy Valentine's Day.
14:24I'm really touched, Pete.
14:26Why didn't you get one?
14:27Why didn't we get one?
14:28Governor.
14:29Thank you very much.
14:30Happy Valentine's Day.
14:31I wrote you these two.
14:32I wrote you sweethearts.
14:33Oh, thank you.
14:34Oh, those are lovely.
14:35Right, so, Mark Wogan,
14:36for the first time on Blank of the Week, welcome.
14:38You've got Lego.
14:39Yeah, I have got Lego.
14:40I've got loads of Lego at home.
14:41Have you?
14:42Well, I've got a kid, but loads of Lego.
14:45But seemingly now it's anti-LGBT.
14:50Yeah, it's homophobic, isn't it?
14:51It's homophobic.
14:52Yeah.
14:54Now, there is currently a...
14:57I suppose it's a display of some sort,
15:00a tour that you can do at the Science Museum
15:03that was set up.
15:04Now, I want to get this right
15:05so that we know exactly who these people are.
15:07You're first on this show.
15:11I'm new to this.
15:12It's true.
15:13The Gender and Sexuality Network put together this tour
15:19and they say that because of how Lego sticks together,
15:24it's gender biased.
15:26Shut up.
15:27Shut up.
15:28I know.
15:29The fact that you've got a male going into a female...
15:31Right.
15:32Is Tetris?
15:33What about Tetris?
15:34No, hold on.
15:35Well, I'm sorry, I mean, call me...
15:36Well, what about electricity?
15:37Call me a cyclist.
15:38Isn't that what homosexuals do as well, though?
15:41Well, no, that's a male going into a male.
15:43It's still one thing going into another.
15:45You're talking about Lego.
15:46I've heard that can be electric if that's your thing.
15:49OK.
15:50But what I'm saying is...
15:51Lego.
15:52They say it...
15:53Leg over.
15:54Sorry.
15:55Heteronormative.
15:56What?
15:57Get out of here.
15:58Heteronormative.
15:59So what, heterosexuality is being...
16:01Lego is gender biased.
16:03Yeah.
16:04But when we're heteromajoritive...
16:07Right.
16:08Shouldn't that be the case?
16:10Well, it is the majoritive, isn't it?
16:12Isn't that the point?
16:13I mean, most people aren't going,
16:15oh, my Lego reminds me of...
16:17Yeah.
16:18No.
16:19They're putting it together.
16:20They're making houses.
16:22In some cases, Land Rover Defenders.
16:24I would imagine people...
16:25Oh, there's a Twilight set now.
16:27People putting together something like the Star Wars Death Star in Lego, right?
16:30They're not having any sex because it's taken them so long to do it
16:33that everybody else has gone to bed.
16:35There's some really stupid bricks about, isn't there?
16:38There are.
16:39Absolutely right.
16:40Massive.
16:41Massive bricks.
16:42But, of course, Lego came out and said in their own defence
16:45that they have sort of gender neutral figures, you know,
16:48because if you get a Lego man to sit...
16:50You don't know... Well, it doesn't really matter.
16:52Well, once you take the plastic wig off,
16:54you can't really tell whether it is a man or a woman.
16:56Are we really having this conversation?
16:58I can't believe it.
16:59I'm really glad I'm not 15 or 20 anymore, mate.
17:01This world...
17:02And I might even actually mess it in a minute.
17:04What the hell are we doing?
17:05Well, you continue to procreate, so...
17:07Who?
17:08You.
17:09You are going to...
17:10It's puncturing.
17:11You have 15-year-olds, but in...
17:13I haven't got... I'm not having any more.
17:15I'm not going to tell you how I can be sure of that,
17:17but I'm not having any more children.
17:19We have to protect your kids going forward.
17:21No, let's talk about... I've only got one testicle.
17:23I've only got one testicle.
17:24This is a very weird show.
17:25Right, we've got a clip.
17:26We've got a clip.
17:27Is it of his testicle?
17:28No.
17:29No.
17:30We've got a clip of a Lego...
17:31That was scary.
17:32This is Lego celebrating its LGBTQ community.
17:37I can't even say it.
17:38Come on.
17:40A Lego celebration of the beautiful, powerful language
17:43of the LGBTQIA plus community.
17:46We invited members of the community
17:48to build Lego creations that represent their true stories.
17:52The concept behind my build is
17:54you see this colorful, unique Lego brick
17:57to represent a happy, healthy, intersex person.
18:00What I built here was a transgender garden.
18:04So all these different aspects of gender
18:06have their place in that garden.
18:08I'm going to go there after we leave here.
18:10I'm going to buy some Lego
18:11and I'm going to enjoy myself all night.
18:13Stop it! Stop it!
18:15Stop it!
18:16That kind of action.
18:18The place here is...
18:20It's confusingly romantic.
18:22He's doing that surrounded by roses.
18:25It's kind of weird.
18:26I feel like Peter Blexie is... How old are you?
18:28Yeah.
18:29I think you're having a breakdown.
18:30I think so.
18:32Funny things happen to people on Valentine's Day.
18:34This is a Valentine's Day special.
18:35I don't think so, would you?
18:37I don't know where it's gone wrong with this.
18:39But anyway, coming back, I'm going to have a nomination
18:41and I'm going to be talking about
18:43one of our favorite politicians,
18:45one Mr David Lammy.
18:47We'll be back after this.
19:01Welcome back to a special Valentine's Day edition
19:03of Plank of the Week.
19:05We've already got, I think, four winners already.
19:07I mean, we've only just started.
19:09I've got one who is also a very well-known plank
19:11to the people of this parish.
19:13David Lammy.
19:14He's the Secretary of State
19:15for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office,
19:17ridiculously.
19:18This is a guy who thinks it's a great idea
19:19to give away the Chagos Islands
19:21and then pay for the privilege of giving it away.
19:23He also now has decided that he wants
19:25to give reparations,
19:27taxpayers' money, mind you,
19:28to people in the Caribbean.
19:30He often describes himself
19:32as somebody from the Caribbean
19:33and he once actually made a speech
19:35in which he said, you know,
19:36we will not forget.
19:37We want reparations.
19:39And you go, hang on a minute, mate,
19:40you're from Tottenham, you know.
19:42But he seems to think that he's from the Caribbean
19:44because that's where his ancestors came from.
19:46And one of the reasons I wanted to nominate him this week
19:48is not just because of that,
19:49but because it gives us another excuse
19:51to play his remarkable appearance
19:52on Celebrity Mastermind,
19:54where he managed to get
19:56pretty much every single question wrong.
19:59He's our Foreign Secretary.
20:00Yeah, this is the Foreign Secretary.
20:02So probably one of the top five offices in the land.
20:05Here he is on Mastermind.
20:06What was the married name of the scientists
20:08Marie and Pierre,
20:10who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1903
20:12for their research into radiation?
20:14Antoinette.
20:15Curie.
20:16Who acceded to the English throne at the age of nine
20:18on the death of his father Henry VIII in 1547?
20:21Henry VII.
20:22Edward VI.
20:23I mean, he actually thinks seven comes after eight.
20:25Yeah.
20:26I mean, I don't know if he was starstruck or what.
20:29It would suggest to me that it is possible
20:31and quite feasible to imagine one day
20:33that if you fancy the idea of a career in politics
20:35and you're that much of an idiot,
20:37because he's an idiot.
20:38He is.
20:39Plank.
20:40And by the way,
20:41there's plenty of people in politics who are,
20:43but that's the Foreign Secretary.
20:45That scares me.
20:46I know.
20:47Well, it's the only business where you fail up.
20:49Right.
20:50Yeah.
20:51Right.
20:52This is also the BBC.
20:53That's terrifying.
20:54You can fail up at the BBC.
20:55OK.
20:56That's a civil service.
20:57Never been through the doors.
20:58Never want to.
20:59Well, the trouble, again, as well with Lammy
21:01is that he's flying all around the world,
21:03promising things to people,
21:04that it's not really his gift to do.
21:06I mean, like, for example,
21:07promising to give reparations to everybody.
21:09You know, he's also threatened, did he not,
21:12to have Benjamin Netanyahu arrested
21:14if he ever set foot in Britain,
21:16which was just recently, right?
21:18Before that, he's called Donald Trump a Nazi,
21:21a white supremacist, a racist.
21:23But he's now looking forward to working with him.
21:25I mean, it's just embarrassing, right?
21:28But the guy also has spent,
21:30this is the same party that said before they came in,
21:32we'll do away with the private jet mentality of the Tory party.
21:35We won't be using private jets.
21:37He's used up a million pounds worth of private jets
21:40in the seven and a half months that they've been in charge.
21:42So he flies around the world all the time.
21:44I suppose it's good that he's not here.
21:45But I worry about what he's saying and doing
21:47when he's abroad, you know?
21:49Because when he arrives abroad,
21:51they actually know who he is and what he's supposed to do.
21:53Probably not.
21:54They're just like, who's he?
21:55Yeah, who's this bloke?
21:56Here he is again, exhibiting great skill.
22:00The gender question, funnily enough.
22:02He was asked about trans women. Here he is.
22:04It's probably the case that only,
22:07that trans women don't have ovaries.
22:09But a cervix, I understand,
22:11is something that you can have following various procedures.
22:15So he actually thinks that you can grow a cervix as a man
22:18if you wish to transform yourself.
22:20You could make one out of Lego.
22:22You could. That's a good idea.
22:24Yeah.
22:25Can you have surgery to get a cervix?
22:27No.
22:28Can you have surgery to create a penis?
22:31Yes. You can.
22:32Not to enlarge.
22:34No, no, you can.
22:35Well, it's gone nuts, hasn't it?
22:37Yeah.
22:38Or nut.
22:39Oh, that's funny.
22:40I don't know if you can get those surgically implanted.
22:43No, but I mean, it's a very weird and strange area.
22:45But anyway, one thing you do know is that David Lammie
22:47doesn't understand it.
22:48He's a plank.
22:49He really is. Absolute plank.
22:50Back to you, Jeremy. Gen Z.
22:52Yeah, I did this story earlier in the week.
22:54And I have to say that I nominate the entirety of Gen Z,
22:57although I was slightly rowing back at the end.
22:59There was a study out this week, Mikey.
23:01It said that 50% of Gen Z, you know, that entitled,
23:05sort of 23, 24, 97 onwards,
23:0950% think that Britain is racist and most would not fight for their country.
23:14So I get on my soapbox straight away and I go, do you know what?
23:16I am sick and tired, whether it's illegal migrants coming to this country
23:19or entitled 25-year-olds who have never done really a day's work in their lives
23:23going, oh, this country is so awful. Lego sexist.
23:26We should be nice to llamas. Why don't you sod off and live somewhere else?
23:29I quite like or did like being proud of the United Kingdom.
23:32We've got a government that's anti-British.
23:34And now we've got 50% of some generation who are all racist,
23:37misogynistic and hetero. Why don't you stop moaning?
23:40Do you know what? You know, they want to cancel everything.
23:42They want to cancel Churchill. They want to cancel monuments and wars.
23:45We're the most democratic, most free country in the world.
23:48And that was that was created by generations fighting and doing right.
23:52And we should be crediting the generations, not knocking them to bits.
23:55We're people who haven't even got the experience to know what they're talking about.
23:58Sorry, but I feel really strongly about it.
24:00You know all these polls, Jeremy? Yes.
24:02So when they do a poll, somebody comes up to someone with a clipboard and they say,
24:08for example, back when we were young, they'd say things like,
24:12would you like to see more ballet on TV?
24:15And people would go, oh, yes, please.
24:17You go up to you go up to a Gen Zer and you say, do you think the country's racist?
24:22They feel like they have to say yes.
24:24Well, you think the polls are to blame?
24:26No, I think I think it's because they've been taught that by school.
24:29I think this is what you think about the age group.
24:32And then somebody came on and said, that might sound really harsh,
24:35but we are now in a situation. I mean, my daughter,
24:37she hates me doing this every week is at Edinburgh University.
24:40She told me the other day. She hates playing for the week?
24:42No, she tells me every week she loves playing for the week.
24:44She said that a lecturer literally stood in front of 20, 30 kids the other day
24:49and said, you know, the British army is a disgrace.
24:51The British army is racist and the British army has caused most world wars and they're violent.
24:55That's a guy. That's a student lecturer. That's where you're right.
25:00I think that generation have had it drummed into them.
25:03But then it's interesting, the next generation, my Henry, 15 year olds.
25:06The one behind them. They're a write up reform.
25:10Shink of light for you, everybody.
25:13My 22 year old, he's going to Sandhurst.
25:16But there you go. Joining the army as an officer today.
25:19Yeah, well, that is good. We're in a fight.
25:21Yeah, you should tell James Whaleman.
25:23Join the army, be a manager in the Navy, feel a man.
25:25A grandson, I think he's in the Marines. But this is the problem.
25:28I mean, this is what they do. They get taught this stuff at school.
25:32They get given relentless kind of propaganda about climate change,
25:36how we're not doing anything about it,
25:37how we're going to kill off the future.
25:39Is it difficult for them, genuine question, to stand up and be heard
25:42if they've got that all being thrown at them?
25:44Maybe I'm being unfair.
25:45No, I think in the last 10 years, so the people who are now 28 to 18,
25:49they've been at the very front end of all of that indoctrination,
25:53which I think might be changing a little bit now.
25:55Especially if they've been at university, which generally speaking,
25:59Marxist strongholds.
26:00What's really interesting, so just very quickly, so my son is 15.
26:04He absolutely begged me to get a thing from Farage the other day
26:08for one of his schoolmates because they all think Farage and reform is it.
26:11So maybe that younger generation, maybe it is that group.
26:14But is it? I mean, in America, in California in particular,
26:17the wokest capital state, I guess, in America,
26:21you've got real problems in the kind of the Gen Zers who are at college,
26:25right, at university. What are the school kids like?
26:27It is. It's school. I think you're exactly right.
26:31What are they like?
26:32I mean, Donald Trump's about to boot everybody out that's pro-Hamas,
26:35that's like hanging around on college campuses and protesting.
26:38But this is the thing, they're pro-Hamas as well.
26:40But they hate British troops, but they're quite keen on terrorists in Gaza.
26:45Isn't that wild? Yeah, no, I think it's sickening.
26:47But it's also a lot of virtue signalling.
26:49You know, the black square for...
26:52You can drive down through Leicester Square through London
26:54and you'll see them during turn time with their Palestinian flags
26:57and their Hamas t-shirts.
26:58Get a job!
26:59And when the holidays come, they all bugger off to wherever.
27:01It's like the just stop all. It's trendy, isn't it?
27:04Yes, it's trendy. It's almost like sheep-like.
27:06It's very Meghan Markle. It's trendy.
27:08They're just latching onto something. It's virtue signalling.
27:10But when it comes down to doing something like sacrificing yourself
27:14for your country, that's when they'd rather be on TikTok.
27:17I think it's in no small part to social media
27:20where people can self-publish rubbish on a regular basis.
27:24And they do. I mean, I do it myself.
27:26But it's that thing of I can say what I like, no reparation,
27:31and I want to be part of...
27:33You can get reparations from David Lammy.
27:35I'll just point that out. Just knock on his door.
27:37David will give you some. Absolutely.
27:39In that picture of him, by the way,
27:41he did look slightly like he was in the middle of something.
27:44Yes, very possibly so.
27:46The other thing about the Gen Zers is that they're so sure
27:52of their point of view that they don't even want
27:55to have a debate about it. They don't actually want to discuss it.
27:58Can I ask a question, as I'm new to this? Yes.
28:00What age is Gen Z? 1997 onwards.
28:03It's 18 to 28, roughly. God, is it that old?
28:06But you make a really good point, and it drives me insane,
28:09and I have to bite my tongue.
28:10There's that sort of group, isn't there,
28:12whereby I quite find it refreshing they have an opinion,
28:15but your opinion is not only completely irrelevant and antiquated,
28:19it needs to be cancelled and followed all over.
28:21It's racist. They don't want to hear it. And it's the worst thing.
28:23And I tried it. Well, hold on a second.
28:25Now you don't know what you're talking about.
28:26You come from a racist, horrible time. No, no, I'm entitled to my opinion.
28:29And then I get angry about it.
28:30You're not entitled to it, according to them.
28:32And only their opinion is the important one.
28:34And their truth. My truth.
28:36And it's their truth, yeah.
28:37I hate that phrase, my truth.
28:39They want to literally reinterpret and rewrite history.
28:42It's because they find your truth triggering.
28:45They do. Do you get triggered by anything?
28:48Anyone here get triggered? Plenty.
28:50Take some magnesium and chill out.
28:53Magnesium? Magnesium.
28:55Did you bring any of that on the plane?
28:58I did. I did. I have plenty in the hotel room.
29:01When I was in school, we used to set fire to magnesium
29:05and it used to burn really brightly.
29:07We used to get grass from outside.
29:13That's what they do in California. Wrap it in litmus paper.
29:17And when Ian went for a wee, Mr Corr, the old Bunsen burner.
29:22My first cigarette was with filter papers from the science lab.
29:28Was it?
29:29Milk and magnesium, anybody remember that?
29:31You can still buy that.
29:32Blue bottle.
29:34What about kaolin and morphine?
29:36Do you know what's in milk and magnesium?
29:38You know what's in milk and magnesium.
29:40Magnesium, I suppose.
29:41Sure, which is why you can't poo for weeks,
29:44because it just blocks you up.
29:46I promise you, my mother gave it to me.
29:48Milk and magnesium has chalk in it.
29:50Can we move on to Clevis Disher?
29:52What about that? What can you tell me about Clevis Disher?
29:55This is brilliant.
29:57Gather round, children.
29:59Have you got your nuts?
30:00For this week's episode of Talkanory.
30:04Once upon a time, there was a ten-year-old child
30:08and child C loved chicken nuggets.
30:11And who doesn't?
30:13We want a nugget.
30:14Can I ask you, as the chef, Mark, on this show,
30:17what's actually in chicken nuggets?
30:19Is there any chicken in them?
30:20Depends on where you're getting your nuggets.
30:22Right. Albania?
30:23In the realm of lips and arseholes.
30:25Oh!
30:26Stuck back together and covered in breadcrumbs.
30:29Right. He's just eaten one.
30:32Anyway.
30:33Enjoy that chicken eyelid.
30:35Before I might need to rush to the toilet...
30:37You might need some hot sauce.
30:40Child C had a very bad daddy called Clevis Disher
30:44who'd come to the UK illegally, albeit as a child.
30:47He went on to take part in serious and organised crime.
30:51Yeah.
30:52So much so that Mr Disher got arrested
30:55in possession of children, £300,000 in cash.
31:01Right.
31:02Now, children, I know you're paying attention,
31:04that's an awful lot of pocket money.
31:06Yes.
31:07Right.
31:09So he gets nicked, sent to jail, quite rightfully so,
31:14and fortunately the establishment decide
31:18that they want to deport him.
31:20Yeah.
31:21His barrister says,
31:22look, my ten-year-old child likes chicken nuggets in the UK
31:27but when he goes abroad he doesn't like chicken nuggets
31:30because they're not the same.
31:31No.
31:32Doesn't have buttholes.
31:33And this esteemed judge said,
31:35OK then, you can stay in the UK and we won't deport you.
31:39I believe this is usable under the Article 8
31:42of the European Convention on Human Rights
31:44which gives you not only a right to family life now
31:47but a right to British chicken nuggets.
31:49Indeed.
31:50You know, this week there was a similar story
31:52where a woman argued that she couldn't be deported
31:54despite the fact she was a convicted criminal back to the Caribbean
31:57because her husband, although he was of Caribbean descent,
32:00had never been there and it would be too hot for him.
32:02No, the guy was Latvian apparently.
32:04Do you know what?
32:05Sorry, but it makes an absolute...
32:07It's just a mockery.
32:08Well, you know, the system now is so bad in this country
32:11that some of the asylum seekers who are here
32:13seeking asylum to move here
32:14because it's so dangerous and horrible where they live
32:17or where they come from
32:18actually go back to the country where they've come from for holidays.
32:22Child C also had some other problems.
32:24Yeah.
32:25Difficulty putting his socks on.
32:27How's he with Big Max?
32:28But I think with a bit of decent parenting
32:31that issue might be overcome.
32:32Yeah, maybe if you weren't out nicking 300 grand
32:34and breaking the bloody law,
32:35you'd be at home teaching the kids how to put their socks on
32:38or changing their diet.
32:39Correct.
32:40Unfortunately...
32:41Maybe he had chicken feet as a result of his diet
32:43and that made socks very difficult.
32:45Well...
32:46Shall we ask Mark to try one to see what's up?
32:49I won't give you the one, I'll verify it.
32:51I mean, even the box is unappealing.
32:53Yeah.
32:54What is this?
32:55So what happens, if I eat this, I get to stay?
32:58Yeah.
32:59All along.
33:00For people who don't know Mark Wogan,
33:02you do a show where you taste food all the time.
33:05It's a great podcast.
33:06It's called Tuning With Mark Wogan
33:08and I feed people things that they say they don't like
33:11to change their mind.
33:12So now we've turned the tables on you.
33:14It's so cute, I love that.
33:15You should come on.
33:16I blindfold you, by the way.
33:18Steady.
33:19Oh, God!
33:20It is Valentine's Day.
33:21It's just arrived.
33:22She's got some old bloke on her arm.
33:24Those handcuffs are made of velvet.
33:26I don't know where these are from,
33:28but that is actually chicken in that one.
33:30Oh.
33:31Also, by the way, in America,
33:33Donald Trump has shown away on this, hasn't he?
33:35Because, I mean, it was probably a couple of weeks ago now,
33:38but he sent a load of illegal migrants back to Colombia.
33:41And when the Colombians said, we're not taking them,
33:43he just went, OK, fine, we'll just put 25% tax on all your goods.
33:47We'll start strip searching every Colombian
33:49that comes anywhere near America.
33:51And we might even, you know, drop a couple of bombs on you.
33:54And suddenly they were all going back.
33:56We've got, of course, a plane being used to deport migrants,
33:59which apparently this week we found out cost a million pounds
34:02for one flight.
34:04No!
34:05Right? And it wasn't even full of Albanians.
34:0747 of them.
34:08But also, check this out, right?
34:10The plane that we are using to deport migrants
34:12has had to be re-sprayed, right?
34:14Because apparently, have we got that?
34:16Because apparently, yeah, there you go,
34:18it used to be the plane that took kids to Lapland to meet Santa.
34:21You'd need some antlers.
34:22And every day would be Christmas Day, wouldn't it?
34:24You'd need some antlers.
34:25I'm quite good at that.
34:26I've got my life.
34:28Anyway, listen, coming up next,
34:31whose go is it? It's Kinsey's go.
34:33She's going to go with Kanye West,
34:35or Yee, or whatever he's called these days.
34:37Horrible, ghastly individual.
34:39Anyway, this is Plank of the Week, special for Valentine's Day.
34:42Can't you tell?
34:55Welcome back to a special Valentine's Day edition
34:58of Plank of the Week.
34:59It's a big weekend.
35:00Everybody's very loved up,
35:01especially this particular panel that we've got here.
35:03Kinsey's going to be visiting from the United States of America
35:05for the very first time on this show.
35:08We had the Super Bowl a few days ago,
35:10last Sunday, in fact.
35:12So you've nominated Kanye West.
35:14Oh, my goodness.
35:15We've seen the spiral.
35:17Did it not start at the Grammys
35:19when his wife shows up nude on the red carpet?
35:21Yeah.
35:22People were saying she looked like she was being trafficked.
35:25Yeah.
35:26But she's always looked like that when she's with him.
35:28She never speaks.
35:29Yeah, it's so bizarre.
35:30She just stands there.
35:31Weird.
35:32Very weird.
35:33And so that was alarming.
35:34But then during the Super Bowl,
35:36he starts advertising new T-shirts with swastikas on them.
35:41Gets his Twitter, thankfully gets his Twitter terminated,
35:45his ex-account terminated.
35:47They've recently, Shopify has chosen to terminate his website.
35:51He's been dropped by his agent, who not only dropped,
35:54you know, Justin Baldoni's agent dropped him,
35:56but they tried to do it quietly.
35:57Kanye's agency is like, we want nothing to do with this guy.
36:01He's vile.
36:02They're very much distancing themselves from him.
36:06You know, the title of the line was HH,
36:10which they believe stood for Hail Hitler.
36:12Oh, my word.
36:13I mean, what the heck is going on?
36:15I think we've got a clip of the commercial.
36:17Let's have a look.
36:18This went out on the Super Bowl.
36:19Spent, like, all the money for the commercial on these new teeth.
36:29So, once again, I had to shoot it on the iPhone.
36:34Go to Yeezy.com.
36:36And apparently when you went to Yeezy.com,
36:38the only thing for sale were these horrible T-shirts, as you say.
36:41Yeah.
36:42How does anybody allow somebody so vile to even have an add-on
36:45during the Super Bowl?
36:46Or am I missing the point?
36:47Well, they didn't know that that's what was on the website.
36:50They just knew it was Kanye promoting.
36:52And Kanye has been such a successful entrepreneur.
36:56You know, he has been a legitimate entrepreneur.
36:59But the decline, the mental health decline, has been so severe.
37:03He's surrounded by yes people that don't say,
37:06your ass needs to be in a hospital.
37:08The thing is, I think he's very misunderstood.
37:12Oh, you better stop talking right now.
37:14Mainly by himself.
37:15Yeah.
37:16He has no idea what is coming out of his mouth half the time.
37:19Oh, it's crazy.
37:20I mean, that clip there is quite obviously a very heavily medicated man
37:25who's put such an advanced grill in his mouth,
37:29he's got a speech impediment.
37:31Yeah.
37:32If he wins, will he be Yank Plank in a week?
37:34He might well be.
37:35It's actually devastating to see because this is a man that Sunday service.
37:40He was a talented musician, yeah.
37:42Do you remember Sunday service?
37:43He used to represent Christ.
37:45Yeah.
37:46Like he had his Sunday church that he had developed.
37:48Yeah.
37:49He ran for president.
37:51He tried to run for president.
37:52Yeah, he did.
37:53Where he had this incredible campaign that was all about families
37:56and Jesus Christ.
37:57Yeah.
37:58Whatever we're witnessing right now is the most severe mental decline
38:02I've ever seen in my life publicly free.
38:04Right.
38:05Because he started as well, didn't he, with his anti-Semitic.
38:07Britney Spears, yes.
38:08Yes.
38:09Anti-Semitic tweets that were really awful and horrible.
38:11Jews were out to get him.
38:12Yeah.
38:13I mean, just the other night before, I think before he,
38:15I think it was Sunday night or Monday night,
38:17just before he got banned from X by Elon Musk,
38:20he was posting the most horrendous like hard porn videos,
38:24which kept for some reason, you know,
38:26being seen by people who didn't follow him.
38:28You know, so somehow the algorithm got that bit wrong, you know.
38:31Oh, yeah.
38:32I used that excuse on Monday night as well.
38:34There's nothing to do with me, that porn that arrived on my phone.
38:37It was.
38:38Heathen.
38:39Yeah, it just was absolutely awful.
38:40The other big story.
38:41There is that thing.
38:42There comes a point with somebody's behaviour and, you know,
38:45I had an old friend of mine who got very mentally ill
38:48and I ended up having to put a restraining order on him.
38:50Right.
38:51And the question I asked him was,
38:53are you ill or are you fundamentally evil?
38:56Yeah.
38:57One or the other.
38:58Right.
38:59And that's.
39:00That's the question.
39:01That is the question.
39:02My only thing with mental illness is, I think it's great,
39:04and I've said this before, I think it's great that there's now
39:06much more said and talked about, but I worry,
39:08and it will upset some people, that more and more people are
39:11clumming into, oh, you know, I'm feeling stressed or I'm anxious
39:15or I've got mental.
39:16Because actually they've done something wrong
39:18or they've messed something up and it's being used as an excuse,
39:21which is really disrespectful to people who are genuinely mentally ill.
39:24Well, he hasn't used that, has he?
39:25He hasn't come out.
39:26No.
39:27He refuses.
39:28He does not believe.
39:29That's why Kim Kardashian left him,
39:31because he refused to take his medication.
39:33Right.
39:34Remember, he started.
39:35He married to Kim Kardashian, harassing Kris Jenner
39:38on Twitter at the time.
39:39That seems like a much simpler time, doesn't it?
39:41Much simpler time indeed.
39:43How does being married to a Kardashian seem a simpler time?
39:46I do think that mental health issues are worse now,
39:50because we used to have asylums all over the place
39:54that don't exist anymore.
39:55Right.
39:56Yeah.
39:57So those people are on the street just trying to figure it out
39:59for themselves.
40:00Right.
40:01But also if you're very wealthy, you have a mental health problem,
40:03it's literally your oyster.
40:04You can do whatever you want.
40:05You can jump on a private jet.
40:06Elon Musk.
40:07Yeah.
40:08I mean, some people might say that.
40:09I wouldn't.
40:10I like Elon.
40:11As somebody who's been hospitalised twice when I've had
40:14catastrophic mental health breakdowns,
40:16the most important things in your road to recovery are, of course,
40:21the medical staff, the medication, but what really,
40:25really gets you well again and keeps you well, family, friends.
40:29Is that genuinely true?
40:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:31Because of the job?
40:32Because of the job, yeah.
40:33Because of the job?
40:34Once when I was living in the witness protection programme
40:36and then I had a relapse a few years later.
40:38Oh, bless you, mate.
40:39But, yeah, I've been very well for years and I take a...
40:41Can I put that point to you then and tell me I'm wrong?
40:43Do you think people are, some people are using it as an excuse
40:46who shouldn't use it as an excuse nowadays?
40:48Into every life a little rain must fall,
40:50so we all have stresses and strains and pressures and deadlines
40:54and such like.
40:55I think there is sadly sometimes a conflation with the everyday
40:59challenges of life with it being a mental health.
41:02This is like four different shows in one, isn't it?
41:04It's amazing.
41:05It's unbelievable.
41:06It's like an entire evening of the BBC.
41:08We've gone from...
41:09The nearest I'll ever get to.
41:10Yeah, I'm not going to recap at the moment.
41:12But King's Cross Station is a place where many a time,
41:15I'm sure you've been.
41:16Indeed.
41:17I used to go following around Queen's Park Rangers.
41:19What are they doing?
41:20It's mental.
41:21Yeah.
41:22So the first thing they've done is they put posters up saying
41:25the style of announcements have changed.
41:27Right.
41:28So what they want people to do is stop rushing.
41:31Yeah.
41:32So what they're doing is stopping the announcements for the trains
41:36four minutes before they leave and taking them off the board three
41:41minutes before they leave so people don't rush.
41:44Now, it is my right.
41:46So you miss the train otherwise.
41:47So you miss the train, yeah.
41:48Who's this?
41:49This is King's Cross.
41:50They're trialling this as a way of stopping people rushing for the
41:54train or potentially running in a station for a train and
41:59endangering themselves.
42:00Why don't they get the train to bloody well wait until I get on then?
42:03This is literally what Chuck the producer does to me because he knows
42:07I'll be late if he doesn't give me the wrong time.
42:10Right.
42:11So, yeah, he does a lot of that.
42:12He does a lot of that.
42:13Very passive aggressive of him.
42:15Why are you late?
42:16You should always be on time.
42:18I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx right now.
42:20She's a woman.
42:21So women are allowed to be late.
42:24He could be.
42:25He's an alpaca.
42:26But, you know, one of the reasons why people rush for the train,
42:29and I've done this at King's Cross,
42:31is that they basically don't announce what platform the bleeding train is
42:34going from until about two minutes before it goes.
42:37So if they actually announce the platform ten minutes before it went.
42:40But now you won't see because it disappears from three minutes.
42:42Yeah, that's what I mean.
42:43But the other thing is.
42:44He's got preparing, preparing.
42:46Yeah, I know.
42:47Wednesday's train is going to be ready.
42:48I don't know about you but I want to spend as little time in a train
42:52station as possible.
42:53Yes.
42:54So I will arrive two or three minutes before.
42:57I don't want to go hang out in Greats or Pret.
43:00I know.
43:01I think this is the whole debate about public transport.
43:03The idea might be nice.
43:04But for me, it's really simple.
43:06If I'm happy to go on a train or a bus,
43:07but I've never understood why it has to stop and let other people on and
43:10off.
43:11Take me to where I want to go and then get on with your day.
43:13Exactly right.
43:14We've got to go.
43:15And also don't charge me the earth.
43:17No, exactly.
43:18There were two people yesterday who'd come down from Stockport.
43:22And because they had to come down last minute,
43:24how much do you think it cost them to travel?
43:26140 quid each.
43:28And the rest?
43:29200 each probably.
43:30£370 return.
43:32Ridiculous.
43:33Anyway, listen, our train is leaving the station.
43:35So we've got to get moving because we've only got one more to go.
43:39Thank you very much.
43:40And it's that bloke Humza Useless.
43:42You know what you're going to do with him.
43:43Yeah, shut up.
43:44Turn that alarm up.
43:45This is Plank of the Week, Valentine's Day special.
43:47That's a trap.
44:01Welcome back to Plank of the Week, Valentine's Day special.
44:03We've got the roses as provided by Peter Bletchley.
44:05Thank you very much indeed.
44:06The rose between two thorns as provided by Kinsey Scope from America.
44:10Mark Wogan, the chef for the first time eating chicken nuggets,
44:13which he says are not bad.
44:14I'm not going to have one.
44:15Humza Useless.
44:16Humza Useless.
44:17We haven't heard from him for a while, have we?
44:18What's he doing?
44:19He used to be the first minister of Scotland.
44:21He only got the job because Nicola Sturgeon tripped herself up
44:24when she couldn't tell the difference between a man and a woman.
44:27She can now.
44:28Can you?
44:29Can you?
44:30As they used to say up in Scotland.
44:31Can you?
44:32Anyway, he now has become this pointless character.
44:36I think he's still at MSP, so I think he's still got a job.
44:39But he wanders around just making statements.
44:41He's very keen on Gaza.
44:42I think his wife's family is from Gaza.
44:44Yeah, they were trapped there, weren't they?
44:45We should say that the great news of the week as well,
44:48coming from our immigration tribunals,
44:50is that apparently now anyone from Gaza can come and live here
44:53if they're feeling a bit hard done by,
44:55because as long as they can find a relative,
44:57they can just move to Britain.
44:59I thought most of Palestine was already living here,
45:01if you look at some of those demonstrations that go on,
45:03but we'll come back to that.
45:04Here he is.
45:05This is what he said earlier this week.
45:08Reform mouthpiece.
45:10Rupert Low MP thinks halal meat should be banned.
45:16Of course, he tells us, his concerns are only about animal welfare,
45:21because we all know when it comes to non-halal slaughter,
45:24animals are simply tickled to death with a feather.
45:27Anyway, he's a complete plank, so I just wanted to say he was.
45:29I haven't really got much else other than another excuse
45:32to show you his incredible dexterity on a scooter.
45:37What is this?
45:38Oh, my gosh!
45:39LAUGHTER
45:42It's the funniest clip I've ever seen.
45:44Oh, I love it. In the world.
45:45Because not only did he have himself being filmed,
45:48he insisted on being filmed, because he thought he was so good on this thing.
45:52The world will be a better place when he fades into obscurity forever.
45:57Yes, I think you're absolutely right.
45:59Amen to that.
46:00Surely that's not far away.
46:03I'd like to say we should give the plank of the week
46:06to Ashley Dalton, really, don't you think?
46:08No, I don't.
46:09I think it's absolutely nailed on that it's the Lego.
46:12I'm sorry, I'm absolutely...
46:14Well, the Science Museum...
46:16I mean, we could give it to them, I suppose.
46:18I'd always give it to Megan.
46:20Yeah, she hasn't had it for a while, actually.
46:22Plank of the week, that is.
46:23She hasn't had it for a while.
46:24OK, what do you think, Peter?
46:26I'm going to buy some Lego on the way home.
46:28Oh, yeah, so let's go with the Lego.
46:29I'm very, very excited about it.
46:30OK.
46:31Ashley Dalton, the Lego or Megan?
46:33I think it's the Science Museum in that case.
46:35It's not Lego, obviously.
46:36I think it's not their fault they make homophobic bricks.
46:39Homophobic bricks!
46:40That's apparently what they are.
46:41Homophobics.
46:42Yeah, so we shall say, for the first time, I think,
46:44the Science Museum, which used to be a seat of great learning
46:47in South Kensington.
46:48I used to take my kids there to play in the water area.
46:51I'm sure you did as well.
46:52Did you?
46:53Yes.
46:54I did, yeah.
46:55What a great dad you are.
46:56I've never taken my kids there.
46:57There's too many of them.
46:58I can't get them through.
46:59You can get a block booking.
47:00You need the ocean.
47:01And I bring all my children.
47:02Anyway, so here it is, the Science Museum,
47:04Plank of the Week.
47:05Thank you very much indeed to Jeremy.
47:06Thank you to Peter.
47:07Thank you to Kinsey for coming all this way.
47:09Kinsey!
47:10I think longest travelling guest ever.
47:12Comes all the way from California.
47:13Pete's after Lego.
47:14And Marlowe, we must have you back.
47:15Thank you very much indeed.
47:16Thank you very much.
47:17That has been a Valentine's special Plank of the Week.
47:19Have a very nice Valentine's Day.
47:21Be careful with the Lego.
47:22See you next week.
47:34.