Video Information: 18.11.22, Institute talk, Rishikesh
Context:
~ How to deal with emotionality?
~ How to be free from emotions?
~ How to be free?
~ Why can't we forget some people?
~ Does forgiveness lead to peace?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Context:
~ How to deal with emotionality?
~ How to be free from emotions?
~ How to be free?
~ Why can't we forget some people?
~ Does forgiveness lead to peace?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00So, the next question is mine only. Why can we never forgive some people even though I
00:07know that thinking about them hurt only myself? Won't it be that easy that if we forget them
00:13or forgive them, it gives me happiness, it gives me satisfaction, calm and peace?
00:26You see, you have checked into a hotel. The experience there is not good enough, right?
00:41Now, two scenarios. First, in a fit, in a sway of rage, you check out of the hotel at
01:01midnight and find yourself on the road, on the pavement, and it's cold. It's January.
01:13Scenario two, you check out of an inferior hotel and check in to a superior hotel, a wonderful one.
01:32When are you going to miss the bad hotel? When I don't get something good in life.
01:49Life does not afford vacuums. It cannot by its very definition because we have to be better.
02:02That's the reason we keep looking for something to relate to, something to identify with,
02:11something to do, something to call our own, something to associate our name with. Because
02:21that's the nature of human consciousness. We are born to be better and there is only one way to
02:29be better. Associate yourself progressively with better people, better thoughts, better causes,
02:40better places, better work. So, life keeps wanting betterment. Now, incidentally, it may happen,
02:54happens with all of us, that you may associate yourself with something unworthy, relatively
03:03unworthy. Happens with all of us because there is error of judgment and we ourselves are not
03:09so worthy that we make the right decisions every time. So, that's something that happens
03:19and will happen. But what does one do from there? One has to move on in a very progressive way.
03:33Just moving on makes little sense. You have to ask yourself, if I'm still the same person who
03:46got associated with the wrong person in the first place, have I moved on? Moving on is not only about
03:56dropping a particular person or thing or episode in life. Moving on is actually about moving on
04:08from your previous inferior self. That's the meaning of moving on. If you don't move on in
04:18an internal way, you will find yourself staring at a vacuum and we said life does not afford
04:26vacuums, so that vacuum will be again filled by someone equally unworthy. That's a terrible danger,
04:35isn't it? And a wastage of life. So, one has to keep getting better. One has to keep identifying
04:45why one made mistakes in the first place. And when you ask yourself, what was it within me that pushed
04:55me to that person, thing, place or relationship, you will discover that a lot of that is still
05:03firmly seated within you. And that's thing of warning. One must be cautious at this point, no?
05:17One stumbled because one was wearing dark glasses. One fell down and bruised her knees. And you get
05:39up and you curse the stone or the boulder you stumbled against. And you say, I'm moving on.
05:47And I'm moving on with the same dark glasses. You're still the same person. You'll again probably,
05:57unfortunately, meet the same hurt. So, missing someone you had in your life at a point is a
06:15clear indicator that you are much the same person you were at that point in time. At that point in
06:32time, you were someone who was attracted to that person. And now you say you have seen the worst of
06:45it. You don't want to continue. You want to quit. And you say you still miss that person. Then how
06:54are you different from the person, your previous self, that fell for that person in the first place?
07:03You're much the same. And if you're much the same, then you will again receive hurt much the same.
07:11So, internal development is the only solution. When you change from within, then your relationships,
07:25your thoughts, your ideologies, your role models, all of them naturally change without effort. And
07:37if you remain the same, then all the things around you, occupying your physical and mental space,
07:44they too will remain the same. How does one develop internally? Wisdom literature is the key. Read,
07:58and read. In fact, one mark of great company is, does the person you are with encourage you to
08:20read? You have to ask, what does he bring for me? Roses or books? And be very cautious of those
08:32who bring roses for you, especially red roses. Books are what we all need, right? And books are
08:47dangerous, because they make you better. When they make you better, you do not fall for the
08:53inferior. Therefore, if somebody has a stake in keeping you inferior, that person will keep you
09:00away from books. If someone has a stake in making you better, that person will push you towards
09:08books. You see this, the purpose of relationship is not cheap gratification. Remember who we are.
09:24We are the ones born for improvement. Therefore, the purpose of relationship is self-improvement.
09:32If a relationship does not result in your internal improvement, it's a bad relationship.
09:39Right? So read, read a lot. And if I may advise, you may begin with Vedanta. And I understand it's
09:57not the in thing these days to go for wisdom literature, especially Vedanta. But I would put
10:12my weight behind this. And I'll vouch for this. You will benefit.
10:18Thank you so much. I will definitely try to read that and come out with the situation. Thanks a
10:25lot. It really helps me. Thank you.
10:27One query out of it. So when you see your past memories, bad memories, bad associations, and you
10:39said you have to see yourself very honestly or inner side. It becomes difficult because most of
10:46the time what I see is some fault in the other guys. I have been safe and park. I have done
10:56my, I mean, the way I should perform upon. And the relationship, something has come bad from that
11:05person, that shortcomings. So how to be honest about in my analysis?
11:13You see, I went to buy a sweater and this is what I picked. Right? And now I find it has 14 holes.
11:27Who is to be blamed? The sweater or the buyer?
11:32My selection.
11:33Right. So that's it. If the other person is bad, then one is worse to fall for a bad person. The more you say the
11:45other person is bad, the more you prove you are worse. If he's so bad, how did you fall for him?
11:54So do not say the other person is so bad and I am so great. Had you really been great, you wouldn't have
12:01fallen for a bad person. So this kind of self-victimization is self-defeating and self-exposing.
12:12One is not only making bad choices, one is not accepting that the fault lies within. One is
12:21trying to blame circumstances or fate, whereas the chief culprit is one's own lack of discretion.
12:31So rather than engaging in needless fault-finding, find out what is it within you that pushes you to
12:50the wrong objects in life. Be it a wrong sweater, a wrong locality, a wrong profession or a wrong
13:05person, a wrong movie to watch, a wrong restaurant to dine at. Now having used the word wrong so many
13:21times, I have fueled the question what exactly is meant by wrong. If we are the ones whose purpose
13:31is to grow in life, then obviously only one thing can be wrong. To put oneself in situations or
13:44relationships that impede one's growth, that's what is wrong. Ask yourself, are my relationships,
13:53are my decisions good for my inner growth? Will they lead to an inner clarity and freedom? Or will
14:05they aggravate my existing bondages? Because I am already in trouble. I'm already in trouble. Is this
14:15relationships, is this decision to purchase or whatever, is this going to liberate me of my
14:23pre-existing troubles or is it going to aggravate them? So one has to, has her eye firmly on the
14:36goal and the goal is freedom from bondages. On the yardstick of this goal, all of one's decisions
14:48are to be weighed and assessed. Let there be no other consideration. You are relocating to another
14:56city. You are changing jobs. You are entering a relationship. You are picking up a book to read.
15:06Always the criteria has to be one. What is this thing in my life, this new thing in my life going
15:20to do to my consciousness? Is my mind going to feel freer, simpler, clearer, more illuminated? Or
15:31am I going to be more in bondage, in debt, in obligations? That's a question I think one must
15:44ask. Thank you, sir.