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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00oh my god she's insane what are you doing here
00:00:17you set me up you stay away from me you're insane
00:00:21i can't let you ruin my wedding miss leanne you and asher are you're a great couple i'm sorry leanne
00:00:36but you've gotta go
00:00:41they say that sex ruins everything
00:00:52oh and sometimes they're right how was that baby awesome
00:01:00we done here yeah i think i did my job
00:01:14we done here yeah baby you're the best you were amazing was it good for you
00:01:22awesome what's your name again
00:01:26lenny we need to talk what i'm breaking up with you
00:01:34what you mean you are breaking up with me i mean i'm breaking up with you
00:01:40this isn't working out goodbye honey
00:01:46i can't do this anymore what do you mean you were breaking up with me
00:01:49i mean i'm breaking up with you this isn't working out but but take care of monique
00:02:03what am i doing
00:02:05hmm
00:02:12so i tell her dude that's not a pickle that's an okra like seriously so she goes totally
00:02:22bonkers on my brother i mean i don't even know what i saw in him in the first place
00:02:27so i was thinking how about we get out of here and go back to my place sorry i'll be right back
00:02:57oh damn it i'm so sorry oh my god asher yeah what are you doing oh you're drowning my sorrows
00:03:11here same do you want to go to drink sure
00:03:16all right
00:03:21how did i ever lose touch with my undergrad bff uh life i guess we should vow to never let that
00:03:28happen again pinky swear pinky swear friends forever stop doing that
00:03:38we should vow to never let that happen again pinky swear pinky swear friends forever
00:03:45stop doing that
00:03:52thank you oh what about work i actually just started a new job
00:03:57i'm doing marketing at gen guard small world they're our biggest client
00:04:02no way wait what do you do i work at a software development startup
00:04:08so what about your love life what what about your love life
00:04:23oh my god years of bad sex with jerks a lifetime of one night stands with shallow women cheers mate
00:04:31okay
00:04:35how about we
00:04:38stop it no hey we're friends well if you ever do want an earth-shattering orgasm i'm your man
00:04:47sex ruins everything yeah i suppose you're right
00:04:51come on i'll be your wing woman though and i'll be your wing man
00:05:21so
00:05:41i can't remember the last time i had this much fun
00:05:44i can't remember the last time i laughed this hard i think i peed myself a little bit
00:05:51i have that effect on women
00:05:58i forgot how pretty you are thanks i think
00:06:05let's never lose touch again
00:06:07so
00:06:11friends forever
00:06:14friends forever
00:06:37so
00:06:48uh
00:07:06so
00:07:11so
00:07:35let's do that again
00:07:41oh my god what are you doing here i don't know what am i doing here oh my head
00:07:56my head feels like there's banging nails resting on my brain
00:08:00hey that made sense for here what no no no no no no no no bad idea
00:08:12last night was a bad idea why because asher you're one of my best friends
00:08:22fuck sex ruins everything i suppose you're right
00:08:26but still but still
00:08:33i have a proposition what friends with benefits
00:08:40sex without strings you do you i do me and we do each other
00:08:47okay
00:08:59okay sold
00:09:03and benefits
00:09:17um
00:09:28and i'll need the marketing report for the fourth quarter
00:09:38hello ladies asher
00:09:42you two know each other yeah uh we are we know each other from college he's one of my best friends
00:09:50what are you doing here he's here to see my father wait what daddy owns the company
00:09:57i know i actually own the company i work at he's worth billions and here i thought i knew
00:10:05and here i thought i knew everything about you i've been busy since college
00:10:10clearly listen gotta run but talk to you later sure good to see you beth you too
00:10:23oh what a man
00:10:35what's this i took the liberty of drawing up a friends with benefits contract
00:10:40a contract it outlines the parameters of our relationship okay article one nobody knows
00:10:48it might get in the way of us seeing other people good point article two we meet at a
00:10:53mutually agreed upon place at a mutually agreed upon time okay article three honesty and transparency
00:11:01are a must agreed article four no lies no lies
00:11:11article five once one party sleeps with another person
00:11:17the agreement is over i don't like that one gets too complicated otherwise
00:11:26fine
00:11:27and finally
00:11:34friends first friends first
00:11:48let's eat
00:11:56so
00:12:26so
00:12:43no i think the wife did it and i think you're insane no you do
00:12:48stop it
00:12:55will you go out with me what on a date like will you go on a date with me a real one no
00:13:06what
00:13:10i mean no the contract i forget the contract no friends first remember
00:13:17sex romance it ruins everything
00:13:24i'm sure you mean way too much to me for that
00:13:36so
00:13:40come on
00:13:45friends first
00:13:53friends first
00:13:54so see you at seven tonight yes you will
00:14:06so
00:14:20he asked me out he asked me out breathe breathe i've been crushing on him for so long
00:14:28on asher yes he asked you out yes on a date yes yes yes will you grab a coffee with me
00:14:36later because you two are such good friends you can give me some tips oh um yeah okay i gotta go
00:14:46getting a mini patty ready for the big plate i'm totally freaking out
00:14:52bye
00:15:02where was he born philadelphia philadelphia uh favorite food um
00:15:09um he likes hot fudge sundaes
00:15:17i like your pen i've never seen that color before daddy has a made for me special it's
00:15:22my favorite color heliotrope purple um what about sports but why don't you just ask him
00:15:30this yourself on your date i can't do that if i'm gonna marry this man he's gotta think we're
00:15:35meant to be mary you got a problem with that
00:15:47why are the two of you never hooked up anyhow me and asher
00:15:54no no no never he's we're we're friends we're best friends good by the way i love your outfit
00:16:04where'd you get it oh mason's on third super cute okay let's carry on uh siblings
00:16:15and being an only child i was an only child as well really cool anyhow being an only child my
00:16:23parents sent me to art camp in philadelphia i was born in philly shut up it's my favorite city
00:16:31where was the school um i
00:16:38can i interest you in some dessert
00:16:45how about we um share a hot fudge sundae that is my favorite dessert
00:16:55i can't believe how much we have in common
00:17:01i had a wonderful time i really hope we can do this again that would be great good night
00:17:13oh my okay thank you
00:17:21i should really head out thank you uh take care why don't you come up
00:17:29and i will fuck you it's within an inch of your life
00:17:36i don't think that would be such a good idea why because i've sworn off one night stands
00:17:45i'm a one night stand no no that's not what i meant it's just sex ruins everything
00:17:51let's wait so it can be perfect yeah
00:18:05okay toodles
00:18:08you
00:18:14beth it was nice we have a lot in common
00:18:22are you jealous no
00:18:26no did you um did you sleep together no but not for a lack of her trying
00:18:39beth she's an animal oh god stop it besides i don't want to ruin our arrangement
00:18:48not for beth you don't yeah my days of one night stands are over i want to wait
00:18:53just in case she is the one you never know i want to get off on the right foot
00:19:05i'm never getting married
00:19:08i'm ready to settle down
00:19:13oh you do you to each his own agree did you steal my fudge
00:19:23come on it's my strawberry
00:19:35that was rude
00:19:54so
00:20:08you do not have feelings for asher you will not have feelings for asher true love does not exist
00:20:18you will only get hurt he is your friend don't blow it friendship first
00:20:26leanne lamont you do not have feelings for asher you will not have feelings for asher
00:20:32true love does not exist you will only get hurt he is your friend don't blow it
00:20:38friendship first
00:20:43leanne lamont
00:21:09hey shit i'm so sorry my bad my fault hang on
00:21:24you got a tissue
00:21:29here let me hey what are you doing stop cock-blocking me oh i didn't realize hey asher
00:21:38eric
00:21:42okay well see you guys later
00:21:48here thank you
00:21:53um i'm leanne by the way i'm eric
00:21:57you
00:22:05that was fun yeah was that fun or was eric fun
00:22:12both okay you gotta watch out for him he's a player
00:22:17so what you think i can't handle myself no that's not what i'm saying
00:22:22oh my god are you jealous no i'm not jealous why would i be jealous we're friends with benefits
00:22:32remember yeah you don't have to be a dick about okay i'm not being a dick you're just making
00:22:40another bad choice i can handle myself yeah fine be that way
00:22:52you know maybe things are getting too complicated
00:22:56maybe we need to end this arrangement maybe you're so shut down that you can only date asshole men
00:23:10maybe you should go fuck yourself
00:23:14maybe i will
00:23:27flowers for mrs lean lemon that's me oh my god thank you
00:23:36i'm eric
00:23:40what are you doing here had a meeting with best dad
00:23:50that's from eric yes
00:23:57they're nice
00:24:01listen um i'm really sorry about last night i was out of line no
00:24:07no no i was out of line
00:24:14i'm so sorry about the slap oh my god yeah i deserved it
00:24:26friends forever
00:24:29friends forever
00:24:33dinner later sounds awesome
00:24:38so
00:24:56someone's in a good mood oh it's just i'm just so happy you know leanne i think i like asher a lot
00:25:08i think he could be the one oh i think i'm falling in love you only just started dating
00:25:16have you ever had a connection that's just so deep so immediate that you just know
00:25:25yeah that's awesome you know he told me he wants us to wait for sex
00:25:33he says he wants to build a strong foundation first
00:25:39i hope you're not jealous oh no i don't know i i just want him to be happy
00:25:47by the way i love your lipstick it's so unique what color is it
00:25:53it's pink i love it anyway gotta go toodles
00:26:07why are you so down what's wrong
00:26:12nothing famous last words is it attic
00:26:18of course not how's beth by the way she thinks that you're gonna settle down with her
00:26:25you never know
00:26:29give me your hand i'll tell you what's gonna happen come on okay okay this is your lifeline
00:26:39is your lifeline it's long so you have a nice long life okay this is your headline for wisdom
00:26:50and looks like you have done some stupid things
00:26:58and this is your love line so you've got a rocky beginning over here
00:27:05but you have a long line of love ahead of you
00:27:10so
00:27:32you wanna go home and fuck great idea
00:27:40so
00:28:10so
00:28:29it looks like we had fun last night
00:28:31uh do you have a key
00:28:41i'll just make it
00:29:01oh nice trick right yeah
00:29:10who is that i have no idea hello your front door was unlocked i brought
00:29:31that's how could you
00:29:39beth wait beth oh fuck what have i done
00:29:45what do you mean what have you done beth it's not what it looks like
00:29:49hey what are you doing i'm leaving i'm getting dressed i'm going i'm feeling
00:30:04kind of yucky i'm sorry okay you didn't do anything it was me i fucked up
00:30:10you said it wasn't serious it wasn't it isn't it doesn't matter i fucked up whatever
00:30:14it is it was i fucked it up okay
00:30:21i guess it's time for us to end this friends with benefits thing
00:30:30yeah
00:30:36friends first
00:30:38hey beth go away
00:30:46i need to talk to you
00:30:53i don't know what to do
00:30:57i don't know how to talk to you
00:31:04i don't know how to talk to you
00:31:07I fire her except daddy said we'd get sued, you on the other hand, I don't want to speak
00:31:14to you ever again.
00:31:16It's not what she's saying, okay?
00:31:17It was a stupid game, friends with benefits, but it's over now, okay, I promise.
00:31:29Do you love her?
00:31:30Of course not.
00:31:32She means nothing to me.
00:31:35Really?
00:31:36Hey, I want to see what happens between us, you and me, please, give me another chance.
00:31:52I suppose.
00:31:56Okay.
00:32:05Leanne, it's me again, don't know why you're avoiding me, I'm so confused, friends forever,
00:32:18remember?
00:32:24Eric, hi, I'm sorry if it's been a while and I've been out of touch, but I would love to
00:32:34see you again, if you're up for it.
00:32:44Asher, Asher, it's me, I haven't heard from you in like four hours, what's going on?
00:32:49Are you with Leanne?
00:32:50Call me!
00:33:04Okay, Leanne, I don't know what I did to drive you away, but I'll leave you alone now.
00:33:10If you ever want to be friends again, you know where to find me.
00:33:34It's Eric, leave a message.
00:33:37Hey, Eric, um, I just wanted to say that I had a great time the other night and I wanted
00:33:44to see what you were doing later.
00:33:46Asher, Asher, where are you?
00:33:48Why won't you call me back?
00:33:50I know you're with her, you lied to me!
00:33:55Okay, miss you, call me, bye!
00:33:59Beth, I got your thirty-five messages, um, listen, I'd really like to get to know you
00:34:06better and spend some time with you, but maybe we need to slow things down a bit.
00:34:12I'll call you when I can.
00:34:14Love it?
00:34:16Love it?
00:34:19Daughter!
00:34:24Sonya!
00:34:27Sonya!
00:34:28Sonya!
00:34:34Tony, put that, no,ợ
00:34:38What?!
00:34:39What is that?
00:34:40Tony, what's going on?
00:34:42Hey, hey, hey, babe, slow down.
00:34:53To love.
00:34:54Wait.
00:34:55Love sucks.
00:34:56Okay.
00:34:57I think we've had enough.
00:35:08How about we head back to my place?
00:35:23Fabulous.
00:35:28Easy.
00:35:33What a goody, isn't he?
00:35:56I'm just so happy to see you again.
00:36:19Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:36:20I've been aloof.
00:36:21Just been going through some stuff.
00:36:22You want to talk about it, baby?
00:36:24No, that's okay.
00:36:25It's life.
00:36:26Is it Leigh-Anne?
00:36:27I don't want to talk about Leigh-Anne.
00:36:28You know, her and Eric have gotten hot and heavy.
00:36:33I thought she wasn't into Eric.
00:36:35Well, when I was out and about this morning, I saw her leaving Eric's apartment.
00:36:40It would look like her clothes from last night.
00:36:44No way.
00:36:45She would never.
00:36:46He's a knob.
00:36:47Which is why I grabbed a photo.
00:36:48I guess she's not the same either.
00:36:50I grabbed a photo.
00:36:54I guess she's not the same you think she is.
00:37:19I guess she's not the same you think she is.
00:37:49I guess she's not the same you think she is.
00:38:15What the fuck, Leigh-Anne?
00:38:39How could you miss that?
00:38:40Sorry.
00:38:41I'm trying my best.
00:38:42Hey.
00:38:43Your best isn't good enough.
00:38:44He causes the game.
00:38:45Okay, hey.
00:38:46You've had too much to drink.
00:38:47Don't tell me what to do, woman.
00:38:48She can handle herself.
00:38:49Remember, that part of your life is over.
00:38:50Everyone!
00:38:51Asher.
00:38:52Look at the loser.
00:38:53So embarrassing.
00:38:54Fucking prick.
00:38:55Come here.
00:38:56Come on.
00:38:58I'm sorry.
00:38:59I'm sorry.
00:39:00I'm sorry.
00:39:01I'm sorry.
00:39:02I'm sorry.
00:39:03I'm sorry.
00:39:04I'm sorry.
00:39:05I'm sorry.
00:39:06I'm sorry.
00:39:07I'm sorry.
00:39:08I'm sorry.
00:39:09I'm sorry.
00:39:10I'm sorry.
00:39:11I'm sorry.
00:39:12I'm sorry.
00:39:13I'm sorry.
00:39:14I'm sorry.
00:39:15I'm sorry.
00:39:16I'm sorry.
00:39:17I'm sorry.
00:39:18I'm sorry.
00:39:19I'm sorry.
00:39:20I'm sorry.
00:39:21I'm sorry.
00:39:22I'm sorry.
00:39:23I'm sorry.
00:39:24I'm sorry.
00:39:25I'm sorry.
00:39:26I'm sorry.
00:39:27I'm sorry.
00:39:28I'm sorry.
00:39:29I'm sorry.
00:39:30I'm sorry.
00:39:31I'm sorry.
00:39:32I'm sorry.
00:39:33I'm sorry.
00:39:34I'm sorry.
00:39:35I'm sorry.
00:39:36I'm sorry.
00:39:37I'm sorry.
00:39:38I'm sorry.
00:39:39I'm sorry.
00:39:40I'm sorry.
00:39:41I'm sorry.
00:39:42I'm sorry.
00:39:43I'm sorry.
00:39:44I'm sorry.
00:39:45I'm sorry.
00:39:46I'm sorry.
00:39:47I'm sorry.
00:39:48I'm sorry.
00:39:49I'm sorry.
00:39:50I'm sorry.
00:39:51I'm sorry.
00:39:52I'm sorry.
00:39:53I'm sorry.
00:39:54I'm sorry.
00:39:55I'm sorry.
00:39:56I'm sorry.
00:39:57I'm sorry.
00:39:58I'm sorry.
00:39:59I'm sorry.
00:40:00I'm sorry.
00:40:01I'm sorry.
00:40:02I'm sorry.
00:40:03I'm sorry.
00:40:04I'm sorry.
00:40:05I'm sorry.
00:40:06I'm sorry.
00:40:07I'm sorry.
00:40:08I'm sorry.
00:40:09I'm sorry.
00:40:10I'm sorry.
00:40:11I'm sorry.
00:40:12I'm sorry.
00:40:13I'm sorry.
00:40:14I'm sorry.
00:40:15I'm sorry.
00:40:16I'm sorry.
00:40:17I'm sorry.
00:40:18I'm sorry.
00:40:19I'm sorry.
00:40:20I'm sorry.
00:40:21I'm sorry.
00:40:22I'm sorry.
00:40:23I'm sorry.
00:40:24You wouldn't call it breaking up.
00:40:25We only just got back together!
00:40:29Beth, we were never together.
00:40:32I mean, we went out like six times?
00:40:36You said you wanted to see where things went!
00:40:38Yes, and unfortunately, they went in another direction.
00:40:41I'm so sorry.
00:40:43I never meant to hurt you.
00:40:46You're fired!
00:40:47You can't fire me.
00:40:49I don't work at your company, and I own mine.
00:40:51On fire, Leanne!
00:40:53You can't. She'll sue.
00:40:58Okay you're a terrific girl and I really enjoyed our time together.
00:41:01And more than anything, I truly hope we can remain friends.
00:41:07Yeah.
00:41:23Shit!
00:42:23You
00:42:25You
00:42:52Hey
00:42:56When do you
00:42:59How about a hotel this time we need to be super careful
00:43:20When Asher reads this text, he's definitely gonna want to break up with you
00:43:24I
00:43:27Can't believe you think I'm lying then how do you explain this to us? I don't know I didn't send it
00:43:34You've been sneaking around with Eric and accidentally sent me a text
00:43:42I am NOT seeing Eric
00:43:46Why would I cheat on you? You're you're my lover. You're my best friend
00:43:54I am NOT a cheater. I did not send that text and I don't know how it got there
00:44:00But if you want to break up over this then fine
00:44:07I do
00:44:12Okay
00:44:24I
00:44:54Do
00:44:59Wondering if you prefer cream puffs or cheesecake for the dessert or both thoughts
00:45:07Please don't marry you don't love her. You're rebounding
00:45:18I'm thinking chartreuse and pink for the bridesmaids thoughts
00:45:21A string quartet instead of a jazz trio thoughts
00:45:30They say he's the photographer to the stars
00:45:33Thoughts
00:45:49Sit your uncle Harold next to my second cousin once removed
00:45:52I think they'd really get along because it turns out that they both have the same dog. Did you know that it's crazy?
00:45:58Oh my god
00:46:03I
00:46:24Have tons of dresses and shoes to try on for you and there's more with the doorman. Could you run down and grab them?
00:46:30Sure
00:46:33You
00:46:50Have gotten this friendship once
00:46:52Oh
00:47:02You are gone at Leanne Lamont once I'm done with this he is never gonna want to see you again
00:47:17Our relationship to you and your company is officially terminated
00:47:21Effective now
00:47:23Wait, what?
00:47:26Our source indicates you've been selling Fallon industry secrets to our competitors. Who's the source? Oh
00:47:37My god, why would she do this?
00:47:41Lovers scorned I suppose. No, it's not true. This will ruin me, you know, Asha. I
00:47:47Have half a mind to call off your wedding to my bethy-bethy this weekend, but you never speak to me again
00:47:56So I'm stuck with you, mr. Fallon, I swear this isn't true it doesn't matter at this point
00:48:03It's already in the trades
00:48:05You're toxic Asha
00:48:08Nobody will touch you
00:48:10So now you get your ass out of my office
00:48:17I
00:48:21Should bitch
00:48:24What?
00:48:25Jealous, bitch. What are you doing? What are you? I'm getting married to someone else on Saturday
00:48:31So you got jealous and decided to ruin me
00:48:34honey
00:48:35What are you talking about? I
00:48:38Would never try to ruin you old job. Well done. Okay, let's just figure this out. Stay away from me
00:48:46Asher if you're one of my best friends, we are not friends. Okay, we are nothing
00:48:54Stay away from me. Don't contact me. Don't speak to me. Don't look at me
00:49:05You are dead to me
00:49:16You
00:49:46You
00:50:16You
00:50:46You
00:51:16You
00:51:46I
00:52:11Didn't write this
00:52:17He leach her purple
00:52:21It was Beth
00:52:27He leached her purple it was Beth
00:52:34She's been trying to break us up all along
00:52:47I
00:52:54Said he blocked me
00:53:16I
00:53:46I
00:54:16Oh
00:54:28She's insane, what are you doing here?
00:54:37You set me up
00:54:39You've been trying to break us up. You bitch. I say you're in no position to be making accusations, but
00:54:46You're right and I won
00:54:50You stay away from me you're insane
00:54:57I'll scream. Nobody will hear you
00:55:05Can't let you ruin my wedding
00:55:08Man
00:55:12I'm not gonna ruin your wedding. I promise Beth
00:55:16Okay
00:55:18you and Asher are
00:55:20You're a great couple
00:55:22He loves you
00:55:26Why don't I just go away I'll move I'll quit my job just please
00:55:33Beth
00:55:35Don't hurt me, okay
00:55:43You've gotta go
00:55:50I'm sorry, man. You've gotta go
00:56:03I
00:56:33You
00:57:03Don't bother that pipes in there good. You're not going anywhere
00:57:18You're crazy
00:57:20You're never getting away with it. Oh, but I will see I'm getting married today
00:57:25And then we'll go on our honeymoon and when I get back
00:57:29You'll be dead
00:57:33I hear starvation is a long and painful death
00:57:42You bitch oh and by the way, you're fired
00:58:03I
00:58:33I
00:59:03I
00:59:33I
00:59:35I
00:59:37I
01:00:00Dearly beloved we're gathered here today in front of God and these witnesses
01:00:05To join in stop
01:00:10Dearly beloved we're gathered here today in front of God and these witnesses to join in stop
01:00:21What are you doing here keep going fast what's going on Beth?
01:00:25Security take this woman away. She's clearly deranged. Come on dearly beloved. We are gathered here today. Let's go finish it. Mr
01:00:33Fallon
01:00:34Your daughter wrote this letter
01:00:37Not me on
01:00:38Which she forged my signature what?
01:00:41It's completely absurd
01:00:46Is this true she's crazy security
01:00:51She confessed to it all last night right after she tried to kill me
01:00:58Sure, you love me we're getting married today go go go
01:01:03Go away you crazy bitch you're ruining everything
01:01:12Go away you crazy bitch
01:01:15Everything Beth, how could you I did it for you, baby for us get off me
01:01:21I
01:01:49Okay
01:01:51Yeah
01:01:56God someone grab a chair
01:02:01Okay
01:02:08God someone grab a chair
01:02:15Babe hey wake up in maybe wake up
01:02:21Wake up wake up, baby, man
01:02:29And it's all over
01:02:36I'm sorry for everything. I'm more sorry. You saved me. You're my hero
01:02:47Sure, I love you I
01:02:50Love you
01:03:04But before I take you to the hospital I have a question to ask you
01:03:09Will
01:03:17You marry me
01:03:31They say that sex ruins everything but sometimes it makes everything better
01:03:39You