"I'll say it now–I am invincible." Alan Cumming takes a walk down memory lane as he rewatches scenes from his classic works including 'GoldenEye,' 'Romy & Michele's High School Reunion,' 'Eyes Wide Shut,' 'Spy Kids,' and 'Traitors.' Alan dishes on mastering the 'GoldenEye' pen twirl, shooting a potential sequel for 'Romy & Michele's High School Reunion,' his "gaydar" intuition for Tom Cruise and so much more.
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00:00Oh, I love this bit.
00:02Yes! I am invincible!
00:04Oh, no you're not, bitch.
00:06Sometimes when you have a catchphrase
00:08and people want you to do things from an old film
00:10or play or something, it can be annoying.
00:12But I actually love when people want me to say I am invincible.
00:14I'll say it now. I am invincible!
00:16Hello, I'm Alan Cumming and
00:18we're going to be looking at a selection
00:20of scenes from things I've been in
00:22in my very long and illustrious career.
00:30MUSIC
00:40Welcome to the party, my dear.
00:42Goldeneye. Natalia!
00:44Oh, there's me. Obviously.
00:46Oh! Look at that.
00:50Comedy fight acting.
00:52I used that a lot in my future career.
00:54There hadn't been a James Bond for years.
00:56They'd had a lull. It was like a reboot
00:58of the whole franchise.
01:00The women were kind of more empowered,
01:02you know, and I was called a Bond boy
01:04because you used to always say the women were Bond girls
01:06in a very sort of disposable sort of manner.
01:08Judi Dench was M now
01:10and so she was a woman, obviously.
01:12That was a big deal.
01:14And the whole thing was sort of,
01:16can James Bond exist in this new post-feminist
01:18world we find ourselves in?
01:20So yeah, it was a lot of pressure.
01:22And imagine a lot of pressure for Pierce.
01:24And this was the first sort of major,
01:26major thing I worked on.
01:36That fucking pen.
01:38So I remember
01:40I got the script and I remember thinking,
01:42oh, the pen thing.
01:44That's kind of complicated. And I tried to do it.
01:46I practiced. Could not get the hang of it.
01:48And I remember saying to my friend Dixie,
01:50I said, you know, will you look at the script and see?
01:52I could do something else, couldn't I?
01:54And she read it and she went, Alan,
01:56it is the crux of the entire plot of the movie.
01:58You have to learn how to do this.
02:00And so I got my friend Jason Isaac.
02:02He used to be a magician. He would subsidise himself
02:04by doing kids' magic parties.
02:06I got him to help me learn it.
02:08So I was like, boom, nailed this, nailed this.
02:10And then when I came to do it,
02:12they had the special Parker, James Bond
02:14pen that I had to use,
02:16which was not like a pen like that,
02:18all the same thing all the way along.
02:20It came down like this
02:22to a sort of, you know, little point,
02:24which totally screwed up my form.
02:26And so I just, I blew it.
02:28I had it and then I just,
02:30I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
02:32The entire crew of like 7,000 people.
02:34And so basically I had to learn
02:36on the spot how to do it again
02:38with a different pen.
02:40And I did it.
02:42What the hell's happening?
02:44We'll have re-entry in 12 minutes.
02:48It will burn up somewhere over the Atlantic.
02:50Deal with it.
02:52She changed the access codes
02:56and she can fix it.
02:58They gave me a dialect coach,
03:00this man, big tall man with a beard,
03:02and he lived on a canal boat
03:04in the Docklands in London.
03:06So I used to drive my little,
03:08I had a Citroen 2CV at the time,
03:10very sort of not James Bond-y.
03:12And I would drive my little car
03:14to this canal boat and sit
03:16in this freezing boat with this man
03:18and say, for years I thought you were American,
03:20I'm on The Good Wife or something like that.
03:22It's not that big a deal.
03:24Everyone does accents.
03:26I think everyone in Scotland, for instance,
03:28can do a passable American accent.
03:30Because the thing everyone forgets here
03:32is that we are bombarded by American culture.
03:34It's not the same way the other way around.
03:36We occasionally get Downton Abbey or something.
03:38So people are much more au fait with the accent.
03:40And that's also why American actors
03:42aren't as good at doing English accents
03:44as they think they are.
03:48Give me the cards, Natalia!
03:50Give them to me!
03:56Carnage.
04:00Oh my God.
04:04Overacting.
04:06Oh, I love this bit.
04:08Yes! I am invincible!
04:10No, you're not, bitch.
04:14Okay.
04:16These big gallons of big things of computer coolant
04:18explode and come on top of me
04:20and freeze me to death.
04:22Just another day at the office.
04:24But what they did was
04:26they had sort of a rubber band
04:28around my waist that was tying me
04:30so when the force of it came
04:32I wouldn't fall down or something
04:34so I would just be all basically in the same position
04:36as all this stuff came on top of me.
04:38So what happened was they chucked the big thing of dry ice out
04:40but it was lumps of dry ice
04:42which then stuck to my head
04:44to my scalp and I couldn't move
04:46because I had this rubber band around my waist
04:48so I'm there going like,
04:50ah, ah, this hurts, ow, ow
04:52and they realised something was wrong
04:54and then these firemen came on and started
04:56squishing my head with all the
04:58you know, whatever that is.
05:00It was a nightmare.
05:06That's a fake model of me.
05:08So it's me and then when the smoke clears
05:10it's a model.
05:12And so basically I had to go
05:14and get like a body cast done
05:16and they sort of pinned me to a cross
05:18it was very biblical
05:20like a sort of crossing, I was tied to it
05:22and then these
05:24very attractive gentlemen sort of smeared
05:26my body with hot water
05:28and gooey bandage and hands
05:30all over my body.
05:32Someone's got to do it. It's not an attractive look
05:34as you can see there. And at the end of the shoot they said
05:36would you like to keep this mannequin of yourself
05:38Alan? I went no, I don't want to
05:40thank you. I don't want to kind of have that in my house
05:42but I wish I had because for years
05:44there was this travelling
05:46James Bond exhibition and one of the
05:48things in it was that fucking
05:50model of me there. And so people would be
05:52in, oh I was in Bangkok
05:54and I saw this really weird life sized
05:56model of you. Oh it's still going around
05:58the world. So if I had only
06:00kept it and put it in
06:02or put it in a dumpster
06:04I would have been saved future embarrassment.
06:10Hey everybody!
06:14Sandy Frank just landed in a helicopter!
06:16I love that bit. I love Cameron Manheim
06:18she's such a darling. Sandy Frank has a helicopter?
06:20Yeah apparently he's worth like
06:22millions. He invented some kind of special rubber
06:24or something.
06:26Like for condoms?
06:28This is the first film I ever made in America.
06:30I thought Tucson was pronounced Tuckson
06:32and when at the read through someone said
06:34it I laughed thinking they'd got it wrong
06:36and I was, you know,
06:38such a brat.
06:40Look at those shoes.
06:42Here he comes everybody. Oh this is now,
06:44I think this now is in the
06:46Ambassador Hotel in
06:48Los Angeles because we shot some of the
06:50reunion in the Ambassador Hotel which is the place
06:52where Robert Kennedy got shot. Anyway here I am.
06:54That's Sandy Frank?
06:56Yeah bitch.
06:58Right?
07:00You look so rich.
07:02I mean great.
07:04He sees her.
07:06Look.
07:12Gosh I started to have grey hair already. I didn't realise that.
07:14So you must be like
07:16the most successful person in our entire graduating
07:18class. If to you
07:20success means having a house in Aspen
07:22one in Acapulco.
07:24This was so difficult to say.
07:26It's this list of things
07:28he's got. There was more actually.
07:30Will you dance with me?
07:32Only if
07:34Romy can dance with us.
07:36Sure.
07:40You've got a boy giving us the eye in the background.
07:42We got nominated for an MTV
07:44Movie Award
07:46Best Dance Sequence for this.
07:48We were robbed. This was one of the first scripts
07:50I read when I came to Hollywood and I just remember
07:52thinking I've got to be in this film.
07:54And one of the reasons why was because of this
07:56and it's just a paragraph in the script.
07:58You know, Romy and Michelle and Sandy
08:00do an interpretive modern dance
08:02or something. That's what it said. People reenact this
08:04at their weddings. People are always saying to me
08:06would you come to my wedding
08:08and do the Romy and Michelle dance with me
08:10and my husband or me and my wife?
08:12And I'm like no.
08:14I won't. But it's this
08:16sort of iconic thing and it is hilarious
08:18and also completely
08:20bonkers to be in the middle of this sort of
08:22you know, it's like a sort of
08:24witty, like a rom-com-y sort of
08:26film to have a sort of dance sequence.
08:28And I loved it for that.
08:30Mira had been a ballet dancer or something when she was little
08:32so she kind of was, you know, doing a lot of
08:34the heavy lifting in terms of
08:36spinning and stuff. I mean, my sort of
08:38thing was that I'm so in love with Lisa, it's all about
08:40you know. But it was nuts.
08:42It was a completely nuts thing to do.
08:44Look at that little Scottish
08:46country dancing.
08:48If you're lost, you can look and you will
08:50find me. Oh, this is
08:52scary.
08:54I got a face planted there.
08:56I mean, there's a great deal of trust involved
08:58in a situation like that when you like let go
09:00and go face forward. I think Lisa Kudrow
09:02is a genius. I really do.
09:04Just comedically, timing-wise,
09:06I just think she's
09:08just a darling of a person
09:10and I'm very excited because
09:12we're going to do Mira and
09:14Lisa and everyone.
09:16The band is getting back together.
09:18I think we're shooting this summer
09:20the sequel to Romeo and Michelle's High School Reunion.
09:22This is one of these things that I just
09:24it's so weird
09:26and I love that it's
09:28struck a chord with everybody. I really love
09:30actually, this is one of the films that I'm in that's
09:32sort of iconic.
09:44Excuse me.
09:46Hi. How can I help you?
09:48Can you please ring Mr. Nightingale's
09:50room for me? Nick Nightingale.
09:52I'm sorry, sir. Mr. Nightingale
09:54has already checked out.
09:56You checked out?
09:58Yes. None of this was filmed in New York
10:00because Stanley had a fear of flying
10:02and so he never flew anywhere, Stanley Kubrick.
10:04This was shot at Pinewood
10:06and actually, when I was shooting this
10:08they were shooting the next James Bond film after
10:10GoldenEye and it was at one point
10:12where it was next to the
10:14James Bond stage and it was my close-up and
10:16they were making a lot of noise
10:18and Stanley sent someone
10:20to go and ask him to stop doing
10:22explosions because they were doing my close-up.
10:24I was like, uh-huh.
10:26Our times have changed.
10:28Did you notice anything
10:30I don't know
10:32unusual
10:34about him when he left?
10:38Unusual?
10:40Hey, you're
10:42not 5-0, are you?
10:44I didn't know what 5-0 was. Then I realized Hawaii
10:465-0, that's what made me realize.
10:48I'm a doctor.
10:54Leering. Bill?
10:56Sure.
11:00If anyone came on to me like I'm coming on
11:02to him, I would be like, I'd run a mile.
11:04And Tom just stands there
11:06implacable. We both fell about laughing
11:08at the end of each take. It's interesting that
11:10at the time, there was all these crazy
11:12rumors that, you know,
11:14people weren't allowed to look him in the eye
11:16and he would have a tunnel to take him
11:18from his trailer to the set and that he was
11:20gay and all this weird
11:22sort of myths that go around
11:24really famous people and their behavior.
11:26He was absolutely charming. Completely
11:28charming. I have a pretty good gaydar.
11:30I, um,
11:32didn't get anything like that
11:34from him. And if he was a bit gay, so what?
11:36We're all a bit gay.
11:38Well...
11:40Hmm.
11:46He came in this morning
11:48about 4.30 a.m.
11:50with two men.
11:54Big guys.
11:56I mean, they were very well-dressed
11:58and very well-spoken, but they weren't
12:00the kind of people you'd like to fool around with.
12:02If you know what I mean.
12:04This is one of the
12:06most outrageous performances I've ever given.
12:08I was the one saying
12:10to Stanley Kubrick, oh, that's too much, Stanley.
12:12I should dial it down. He's like,
12:14no. Go on, Alan. Go for it.
12:16Go for it. So I was
12:18schooled in camp by
12:20Stanley Kubrick. Not something that you
12:22might imagine. I took something
12:24from the theater that
12:26Stanley then reinforced for
12:28me. And it's been a big mantra for me
12:30in my life. As an actor, when I was very young
12:32in theater, said,
12:34you can be as big as you like, as long as you mean it.
12:36And that is exactly what I'm doing.
12:38I'm doing a huge performance here.
12:40It's so ridiculous. But Stanley
12:42encouraged me to keep going with it and keep
12:44going more. But if it comes
12:46from a place of truth, then you can be as
12:48big as you like. Then I didn't think those
12:50two things were, I thought
12:52that was what you did in the theater.
12:54And film was a different thing. You had to bring everything down.
12:56And now I clearly
12:58do not adhere to that.
13:00Do you have any idea where they went?
13:02No. Not a clue.
13:07Um.
13:09Well.
13:13Anyway.
13:15Certainly.
13:17I certainly appreciate your help.
13:19Any time, Bill.
13:21This is, well, I don't even know a
13:23three, four minute scene.
13:25If that. And it's
13:27two people talking across
13:29a counter. So you would normally have a wide
13:31shot. You might have then a mid shot and you'd
13:33have two close ups. Even on a
13:35big film, this would be
13:37one day max.
13:39And this took a week to shoot.
13:41We did, however, shoot this for about two
13:43days and Stanley decided to scrap
13:45it and start again. And shoot it in a
13:47different way. It was millions and millions and millions
13:49of takes. Often on films,
13:51our stuff, you know, you'll
13:53finish it. They go cut and you hear the director
13:55going, perfect! One more!
13:57You think, well, if it was perfect, why the
13:59fuck are we doing one more? With
14:01Stanley, every single time I did
14:03a take, I went to the monitor with him and he looked through it
14:05and he showed me a little detail
14:07to change, a little intonation, even a little
14:09facial movement. I knew exactly
14:11why I was going to do it again and what we're aiming
14:13for. And so that made me excited about doing it again.
14:15I loved making this film. It made me,
14:17truly made me
14:19excited about being
14:21an actor in film again.
14:23Because, you know, there are
14:25no small parts, just small actors.
14:33...
14:35...
14:37...
14:39Fifteen minutes
14:41to escape. With your reputations,
14:43I was expecting something a little
14:45more impressive.
14:47It's got Willy Wonka overtones and before
14:49this, Robert just made sort of those westerns
14:51and things and was kind of, you know, and sort of
14:53this was a big departure stylistically
14:55for him. And I was just really
14:57excited. I love when someone does that, when they
14:59kind of, you know, go left field. I mean, I guess
15:01I do it all the time. It's sort of exciting to be
15:03doing something new with someone and
15:05it's a really good film. The other night
15:07I ran into Selena Gomez and
15:09I sort of went, hello,
15:11and I went, oh wait, we've been in a film
15:13together. Because she was in Spy Kids 3
15:15as a wee girl. And she's so cute. She goes,
15:17I wondered if you'd remember. But it
15:19so changed how people
15:21approach me. If you were a child
15:23in 2001, you're an adult
15:25and when I can, I remember exactly
15:27the moment when young people, young adults
15:29changed their reaction
15:31to me when they saw me in public. Because it
15:33went from being like, oh, you know,
15:35famous guy,
15:37to
15:39Mr. Floop, you're a part of my
15:41childhood. And so, and it's continued.
15:43I love the idea that I have
15:45been a part of people, a
15:47magical part of people's childhood.
15:49It's such a lovely thing. See,
15:51I love, I have dishes like
15:53that. Don't have stuff like that.
15:55So I got a sofa
15:57from the set, from Mr. Floop's.
15:59And it's in my house in
16:01the Catskills. A funny purple
16:03sofa and it has a curly bit like this.
16:05And whenever I see clips of Spy Kids, I'm always
16:07looking for my sofa in the background.
16:09The interesting thing about Mr. Floop,
16:11sentence I never thought I'd
16:13be saying when I woke up this morning. The truth of
16:15Floop is that he
16:17really just wants to, you know, have
16:19a nice time and make lovely art and do his TV
16:21show and have fun. A bit like me
16:23in my life, actually. I just want
16:25to have fun and do fun things.
16:27But he kind of gets, and also a bit like
16:29me, he sometimes, his fun and his
16:31charm gets used
16:33in more mercenary ways.
16:35Your children will be joining us soon.
16:37Antonio!
16:39I snap my fingers.
16:43Oh yes, the little thumb people.
16:45My fingers
16:47snap you. There were just all
16:49these men with green dots on their faces
16:51of course. I quite like doing that sort of
16:53green screen stuff because you do have to
16:55imagine it. I mean, sometimes
16:57it's boring. A few years before that I did
16:59the Flintstones film and I was the Great Gazoo
17:01and I had to be suspended way, way up high.
17:03I don't know why. Why was I so high?
17:05Anyway, and I had paper plates
17:07that said Fred number one, Barney
17:09number two. Like, I'd look at them and
17:11they just twisted me around. That was
17:13arduous. In between takes they would put me
17:15in, I had these bars out of my
17:17waist and they
17:19sort of propped me on two lighting stands
17:21to sort of rock back and forward
17:23and outside the studio in Hollywood
17:25they said, Alan, Jennifer Lopez
17:27is in the next studio making a pop
17:29video. Do you want to meet her? I was like, no.
17:31Not like this. Sometimes I even
17:33like, you know, I'd rather look at a paper plate
17:35than another actor, to be honest.
17:37Sometimes.
17:39A casual
17:49look.
17:51Welcome
17:53to the round table.
17:55The constant
17:57beating heart of my castle.
17:59So what do you want to be?
18:01Faithful or a traitor?
18:03Oh my god, look at the length
18:05of that sporran. It's like almost
18:07hitting the floor between my legs.
18:09I think of it completely as a character that I
18:11have created. I mean, I just made
18:13this person up and then, you know, people
18:15help me write things
18:17for him and I quote all
18:19these lines, but I basically made up the
18:21whole thing. It is like
18:23immersive theatre because, and actually
18:25you know, in between takes and things
18:27I don't like chat
18:29to the other, to the contestants. I stay in character.
18:31Even when I arrive
18:33in the mornings I try and go in a different door
18:35because I, you know, with my dog I would
18:37sometimes see them and we'd chat a wee bit.
18:39After they get booted out or
18:41murdered, I sometimes see them
18:43in the backstage bits when they come
18:45to do their interviews and things and I have a wee chat with
18:47them then and it's sort of, you know, but I really
18:49maintain my character.
18:51Not because I'm that. I don't do that
18:53in real life on films. I'm,
18:55you know, you can call me Alan and I will not speak
18:57in the accent that I'm
18:59acting in, but for the purposes
19:01of this it's really important
19:03for me to have authority.
19:05Be sort of Stan, Castle Daddy.
19:07And also the other challenge is that it's partly improvised.
19:09I have a little thing in my ear
19:11that I hear from the control room from
19:13this lovely man called Sam Rees-Jones
19:15who's literally the voice inside my head
19:17and I have to sort of sometimes
19:19say things as he's saying things, but also
19:21think of funny things, think of stuff
19:23to tell them whilst other stuff's
19:25going on in my ear. So that's a new skill
19:27that I had to learn. I actually love
19:29the fact that people are so connected with the
19:31things he wears, how sort of nuts those outfits
19:33are and Sam Spector, who's the stylist,
19:35we've really gelled and
19:37gone on this nutty journey with this man
19:39and all the insane things he wears.
19:41So it's kind of a pressure, I think, you know, as the
19:43series go by to keep it, keep upping
19:45the ante. Of course I want to be a traitor.
19:47Do I have to beg? Like, what do you want
19:49me to do? Don't beg. Your Majesty.
19:51Your Highness.
19:53Please make me a traitor.
19:55I want my destiny in my own hands.
19:57If you're a faithful,
19:59you're a sitting duck. I don't want to be
20:01the duck. I want your food to the duck.
20:03I actually really love doing this.
20:05It's sort of one of these things I never thought
20:07would happen in my life. When you stand back from
20:09it, it just doesn't make any sense.
20:11Interestingly, as I've got older,
20:13I've done a lot more things on my own, like, you know,
20:15an almost solo version of Macbeth,
20:17I've written a lot more,
20:19I did a solo
20:21dance theatre piece, things like that. And this
20:23in a way, although there's thousands of people around me, it's
20:25sort of like a solo performance, because I am
20:27on my own, acting in this
20:29sort of weird
20:31immersive world.
20:33If you feel my hand upon your shoulder,
20:35you are a
20:37traitor.
20:39Right, so this is the most terrifying
20:41part of the entire month of filming,
20:43because if I do it wrong
20:45and they get wind of who I've picked,
20:47it will fuck up the entire show.
20:49At the start, there's so many of them, there's like
20:5121 of them around this table, so they're all squashed
20:53together, so it's really hard to get your hand in.
20:55They're also really primed, because, you know, when
20:57you've been blindfolded, they are blindfolded for
20:59a long time, because we, I go round
21:01and round and round. I go like this with my
21:03jacket, so they
21:05think it's my hand going forward. I do all sorts
21:07of tricks and stop and start.
21:09And we have some idea who we think would be good traitors.
21:11I talked to Sam and the other producers,
21:13so when I come into this room to do it, I know already.
21:15So far, it's all gone
21:17pretty well. I guess that's
21:19an allergy for life as well.
21:25Well, thank you very much
21:27for watching. This has been
21:29fun and illuminating.