Robert Englund is nearly 80! I love him, you love him, but it might be time to think about some fresh blood in the Nightmare franchise. Here, then, are the important elements needed for recasting Freddy Krueger!
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00:00What's up, everybody? Griffey here. Robert England is nearly 80. I love him, you love
00:06him, but it might be time to think about some fresh blood in the Nightmare
00:09franchise. Here, then, are the most important elements needed for recasting
00:13Freddy Krueger.
00:16You shouldn't have buried me. I'm not dead.
00:20Freddy's voice is iconic. Michael and Jason are cool, but there is nothing more
00:24terrifying than a sick burn as you're about to meet your maker. I'm way less
00:28scared of a giant guy silently tilting his head and staring at me than I am a
00:32TV turning into a cyborg and yelling,
00:35Welcome to primetime, bitch, as it breaks my face.
00:39Sometimes words can cut deeper than a bladed glove.
00:42It's a boy! Want a sock face? You're all my children now.
00:47Am I just going to do all of these in Freddy voice? I am. No killer has ever had
00:51more memorable lines to welcome audiences to his nightmare.
00:55So, you have to have an actor who can deliver these cutting remarks while
00:59keeping a bit of menace. To me, this screams Walton Goggins. His long career
01:03has seen him play dirty cops, an unhinged holy man, and he already has experience
01:09playing a horrifically burned hat wearer. Imagine Freddy telling kids to go
01:13outside, nerd, I ain't got time for your worthless chime-ins. Not bad. I can't
01:18imagine too many fans would be disappointed to see Baby Billy bring
01:22some Bible bonkers to Elm Street.
01:27Welcome to Wonderland, Alice. We all know that the true star of any good Elm Street
01:33movie is the world-class practical effects, so we must have a Wonka-like
01:38figure to walk us through the marvels of the dreamscapes he has written. Each one
01:42becomes an entirely new chocolate factory with which to murder children.
01:46Now I'm wondering, how many kids old Willie killed when we weren't invited
01:49into the factory? If he did all that to those kids in front of their parents
01:54with news cameras right outside of the factory, yikes. I can only imagine Willie's
01:59boiler room. I bet it's terrifying. Oompa Loompas and gloves and hats, but I
02:03digress. Anyway, we need an actor who can become the carnival barker of the giant
02:08games we set up in the film. This is where Simon Pegg would shine. Having began
02:14his career in the very metacomedy space, it would be a delight to watch Simon
02:18Pegg gleefully dance through and fanboy out over his own creations. I think this
02:23version of Freddy would help remind us that as long as you have soul food pizza,
02:27roach motels, and gym shower murders, check out part two, you know what I'm
02:31talking about, Freddy's pen will remain mightier than his sword.
02:41Freddy's scariness got a little deluded, to put it kindly, as the series went on.
02:47He essentially was a boomer Bugs Bunny that we all laughed with as he killed
02:50teenagers. The equation got out of whack. By the time we get to Freddy's dead, he's
02:55dressing up as the Wicked Witch, playing a Nintendo Power Glove, saying, great
02:59graphics, don't sell me Nintendo, slice someone in half. Also, Roseanne and Tom
03:05Arnold! That's just one of my least favorite choices in any horror movie
03:10ever. New Nightmare rediscovers Freddy's edge. Then the much maligned reboot went
03:15way, way too far into the darkness, giving us a grimy, mumbling murderer with no fun
03:20to be found anywhere. So split the difference, Hollywood. Bring back some of
03:24the menace of the Springwood Slasher and cast Caleb Landry. He has shown an
03:29ability to be funny in the midst of horror, like in The Last Exorcism and Get
03:33Out, but his uncanny ability is to create dread and unease with a simple stare
03:38that would really shine through the prosthetic burn makeup. Caleb can really
03:42ramp up the creep factor, and reminding the audience that you are in the
03:46presence of Freddy Krueger, child murderer, should be crucial to the
03:50character. However, Caleb is only the second best man for this job.
03:55I have been away from my children for far too long.
04:01To me, there is one actor who would dominate every element of Freddy Krueger.
04:04A man who can carry this dusty franchise back to the top of the horror mountain
04:09where it belongs. That actor is Michael Shannon. He's got raw intimidation, he's
04:14got weird-ass bulging eyes, he's got the booming voice, he looks good in a hat, and
04:19his menacing form will bring a new physicality to Freddy. And he's funny too,
04:23albeit not in a Bugs Bunny way, which is good. He'll often find a more dry and
04:29subtle way to get a laugh in the midst of his serious performances. I think this
04:33is what England did at his very best. He was manic and laughing at his own jokes,
04:38yes, but it was in the framework of a real monster. To me, there is no better
04:43performer to make us laugh at our worst nightmares. So that's my thoughts on how
04:48I would recast Freddy Krueger. Who would you cast to bring new life to Freddy?
04:52Which actor can wake up this monster like a dog's stream of flaming urine? And
04:56if you say Jackie Earl Haley, I'm throwing your comment into the sun.