Dillie, Liza and Adèle are celebrating 40 years with this BRAND NEW SHOW! Beautifully filmed at the Palace Theatre Sou | dG1fODJUQjNMMTlqYms
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Now, I don't know if you ordinary mortals have come up against this new technology,
00:07AI or artificial intelligence, but as this next song demonstrates, you very soon will.
00:16Believe me, you will.
00:30I've got a watch for Christmas, it's the very latest model.
00:47It links to my utilities, the setup was a doddle.
00:51It does all sorts of clever things like turn the oven on, and tells the loo to spray my
00:57regions when I'm on the john, which was surprising, yet energising.
01:04It speaks to my self-driving car each day at half-past eight, which takes the children
01:09off to school, ensuring they're not late.
01:12It checks my monthly cycle, and it regulates each ovary, and when I'm soaking in the tub,
01:17it reads me Madame Bovary.
01:19Don't raise your eyebrow, it's very highbrow.
01:24My watch is quite miraculous, it knows my many moods.
01:28It tells me when to exercise, and shuns forbidden foods.
01:32It monitors my portions to ensure I don't get bigger, then locks the fridge so I can't
01:37graze, hence my lovely figure.
01:38Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, AI, AI.
01:39It makes me very happy, though the fibres it prescribes mean I have to wear a nappy.
01:50Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht.
02:07I like to watch so much that I got one for myself.
02:11It's twinned with my Alexa, which sits up on the shelf.
02:15My watch detected I was stressed despite my calm veneer, and sent Alexa off to Amazon
02:20to order me some gear.
02:23They said it would do me some good.
02:27Imagine my amazement when I opened up the box.
02:31I came face-to-face with Lovex, ticklers, nipple clamps, and cocks.
02:34There's a smaller gadget for both bottoms, front and back.
02:38I could program its vibrations from my trusty Apple Mac.
02:43Its many speeds fulfilled my needs.
02:47Alas, the thing malfunctioned in the middle of a Zoom.
02:51I said I'd heard the doorbell, and I had to leave the room.
02:55I almost switched it off because Alexa kept refusing, and when I asked her why, she said
03:01she found it quite amusing.
03:03Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, AI, AI.
03:09It's marvellous, although it is really rather awkward when you're buzzing from below.
03:22I also have a smartwatch.
03:24It's so next generation.
03:26It runs my life efficiently while there's a complication.
03:30It started acting oddly when we went to Barcelona.
03:35Strange as it may sound, my watch acquired a new persona.
03:38It turned capricious and quite malicious.
03:42One day, I'd had a wash, and as I puffed my pixel talcum,
03:46my watch cried out, I love you, darling, won't you call me Malcolm?
03:50But when I laughed, he lost his rag and started spreading rumours
03:54and filled my Facebook page with pics of my Mazumas.
03:58An act of knavery.
04:00It was most unsavoury.
04:03He took offence when asked to explain his rationale,
04:07and when I said I wouldn't let him up my love canal,
04:11he emptied both my bank accounts and now I am a pauper,
04:15and forced to work on cruise ship singing songs by Cyndi Lauper.
04:19This girl just wants to have fun.
04:23AI, AI, AI.
04:25But I'm not amused to flattery.
04:27I was mightily relieved when he used up all his battery.
04:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE