Junior Taskmaster Episode 6
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00All right, let's go.
00:01Can you take this to my head?
00:02Call plus call.
00:03That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
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03:56What's the favourite thing you've seen David Attenborough do?
03:59Like going to Antarctica and stuff.
04:01Yes. Would you go to Antarctica?
04:04Maybe, if I had lots of coats.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:09All right, moving on to August.
04:11Sup, man? What's up?
04:13What's good? What's good?
04:14LAUGHTER
04:16OK, what have you got, August?
04:18Potato! Oh.
04:19LAUGHTER
04:21I mean... No, no, no, no, no.
04:23No, no, OK.
04:24If we're clapping a potato, have all of our standards slipped?
04:27LAUGHTER
04:29Look, August, we're talking about the best thing. Yeah.
04:32And that's a potato?
04:33Hit me what you got.
04:35OK, first of all, this is an unpleasant-looking potato.
04:38You'll be like, oh, where's the eyes? Where's the eyes? Yeah.
04:40You see the brown spots? That's where the root comes from.
04:43Those are called eyes. You didn't specify what type of eyes.
04:46Always like to get caught on a technicality.
04:48I know potatoes have eyes. I knew that, yeah. Yeah.
04:51Does everyone know that? Yeah, I knew that.
04:53You knew that? We all know eyes.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56Well, yes, come on.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58You know that much?
05:00All right, I'm going to move on to Finlay.
05:02Good to see you again. Good to see you too.
05:04What have you brought in, Finlay?
05:05Well, I brought in a trophy of the words winning.
05:09Oh, OK.
05:11Because winning is a good thing, you see.
05:13It's got two eyes, like a human does.
05:16LAUGHTER
05:17Why do you like winning so much, Finlay?
05:19Because I'm such a competitive person. OK.
05:21Everybody knows that about me, especially my family.
05:23How do you celebrate one of these wins?
05:27Celebratory dance.
05:28LAUGHTER
05:31Look, Finlay, I appreciate that, to you,
05:33the best thing ever would be to win.
05:35However, unfortunately, that is entirely under my control.
05:38So, we'll see.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:40APPLAUSE
05:43Next up is...
05:45Patricia, hello. How are you doing today? Good.
05:47Yeah? OK. I'm very excited to see what you've brought in
05:48for your prize, Daz, so hit me with it.
05:50So, what's the best thing that looks like eyes?
05:52Googly eyes.
05:54I thought, what's the best thing with googly eyes?
05:58The best thing written in googly eyes.
06:01Oh, OK.
06:03APPLAUSE
06:04Wow.
06:06I mean, I've got a soft spot for googly eyes, I do.
06:09Why are googly eyes your favourite thing, Patricia?
06:11They're all around my house on all of the photos.
06:14So, you see this family photo of when I was a little baby.
06:18Bam, googly eyes.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22You know, I love the idea of being like a family ancestor,
06:26passing my portrait down from generation to generation,
06:29only to be absolutely disrespected by googly eyes.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:34I'm going to come to our last contestant.
06:37Hello, Scarlett. Hello.
06:39What have you brought in which is the best thing with eyes?
06:42I brought in something with real eyes that they can see out of.
06:45OK. A guinea pig.
06:47You brought a guinea pig?
06:49Well, it's like a voucher for a guinea pig.
06:51LAUGHTER
06:53OK, that downgrade happened within milliseconds here.
06:56LAUGHTER
06:58I mean, I literally can't see an eye in that prize task, Scarlett.
07:02Well, you go and buy the guinea pig with the prize task
07:05and the guinea pig has eyes.
07:07And it comes with the eyes, you're saying, yeah, as a package.
07:10If you get the guinea pig without the eyes,
07:12then it'll just look like a weird blob of fluffiness.
07:17So, you have a guinea pig yourself? I've got two.
07:19What are their names? Cheddar and Cheeto.
07:22Scarlett, why did you not bring in your own guinea pig?
07:24Cos I'm not giving my guinea pig away.
07:27Looks like someone didn't come to play today.
07:30LAUGHTER
07:32The stakes are high. This is a semi-final, Scarlett.
07:34LAUGHTER
07:36APPLAUSE
07:38OK, look, honestly, you've all done an amazing job here.
07:41It's true. So, look,
07:43I can't believe I'm not giving a potato a one point.
07:46Let's go!
07:47LAUGHTER
07:49Scarlett, as much as I love that, I didn't see any eyes.
07:51So, it's one point to Scarlett, all right?
07:53Two points to Potato.
07:55Three points to Finlay.
07:56And these are both very, very good.
07:59But I think what pipped it is that I just think he's a national treasure.
08:01So, four points to Persia, but five points to Anita.
08:04APPLAUSE
08:05The game-changer, motorbikes.
08:07APPLAUSE
08:08All righty.
08:11OK, Michael, Elizabeth, Jane, Pennyweather, Wozniak,
08:14if that even is your real name, what is the first task?
08:18This task revolves around your friend and mine, milk.
08:22Oh, this one.
08:23MUSIC
08:36Hello. Hello, August.
08:38Hello.
08:39Hello, Persia.
08:41Hello, Scarlett.
08:42Everything OK?
08:44Terrifying.
08:46Hi.
08:47Hello, Anita.
08:49Yoo-hoo. Finlay.
08:54Why?
08:55Ah.
08:57Pump up the inflatable cars.
08:59When the doorbell rings...
09:01You must remind Mike that he needs to buy some milk.
09:04Mike? Yeah?
09:05Buy your milk. Exactly.
09:08When the cowbell rings...
09:10BELL RINGS
09:11..you must answer the door...
09:13Shout, is that the milkman?
09:15..then tell Mark, the milkman, a secret.
09:19If you fail to respond to the bells,
09:21ten seconds will be added to your overall time.
09:25The fastest person to pump up five inflatable cows wins.
09:30Are you much of a milk guy?
09:32I am. I do drink milk quite a lot.
09:34Ever milked a sheep?
09:36No.
09:37You milk sheep on their backs, did you know that?
09:40I do not believe that you are telling the truth.
09:42OK. You know, I get that a lot. How about that?
09:44I don't think you can even milk a sheep.
09:47You can milk a pigeon, mate, if you try hard enough.
09:51What would it take for you to reveal a secret?
09:56Good grief.
09:57Would you like me to tell you a secret?
10:00If you want to.
10:01When I was your age, I went into Mr Jamerson's office.
10:05I stole a fig roll.
10:08You know, you just told, like, loads of people, not just me.
10:19Finlay, you've had a lot of milking chat with Mike there.
10:22Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you been on a farm?
10:23Ever been on a farm, Finlay?
10:24Once. Yeah? How was that?
10:26Terrible.
10:27Pumpkin picking, got all my clothes dirty.
10:30How would you cope at a farm? Do you reckon you could run a farm?
10:33I could work at a farm. Do you reckon?
10:34Or at, like, a farm, like, the gift shop. Yeah.
10:37Yeah.
10:39Did, at some point, Mike say that you could milk a pigeon
10:41if you had to?
10:42No, you can't. You can't milk a pigeon.
10:45But pleasures are a resident pigeon expert.
10:47Well, pigeons eat crops,
10:50and pigeons can feed their young pigeon milk.
10:52They brew it in their... in their... a special pouch.
10:56Yes!
10:59Well done.
11:00Josh.
11:02At one point, Anita did this, which was quite dark, I've got to say.
11:07Was that an expression of how good you are at keeping a secret?
11:10Yeah.
11:11How many secrets are you holding right now?
11:14I'm not going to say.
11:15Wow!
11:17That's MI5 level.
11:21OK, it's a bit of a silly one here, Mike,
11:22whereas all of our other tasks so far have been deadly serious,
11:25of course. Who are we going to see first?
11:27First up, it's Persia and Scarlet.
11:32Got a strategy?
11:34Pump...
11:35Just pump the cows.
11:37Pump the cows.
11:38Two at a time.
11:40Mike, you need to bag some milk.
11:41Oh, thank you.
11:42Oh!
11:44I'm going to get a diggy.
11:48Is that the milkman?
11:54He's the milkman.
11:55No-one knows this, but I'm going to see Taylor Swift.
12:00He's a secret.
12:01I'm a dreaming taskmaster.
12:05You need to buy some milk.
12:11Is that the milkman?
12:13My best friend has a boyfriend.
12:17Take him out of the task.
12:19Praise him.
12:20Oh, my Lord.
12:21You need to buy some milk.
12:24Mike, you need to buy some milk.
12:27I have a secret friend from Norway.
12:32You need to buy some milk.
12:34Is that the milkman?
12:35I want to love her dog, but my dad can't know.
12:40Come on.
12:41Yes.
12:44I'll be back for you, cow.
12:47You need to buy some milk.
12:50I love potatoes.
12:52Mike, get some milk.
12:58You need to buy some milk.
13:00You need to buy some milk.
13:02And they're all done.
13:03WHISTLE BLOWS
13:04WHISTLE BLOWS
13:05Thank you, Scarlett.
13:06Thank you, Posa.
13:07Goodbye.
13:08Goodbye.
13:09APPLAUSE
13:16Posa?
13:17Has your friend been warned about the outing,
13:20the boyfriend situation?
13:21Mm-mm.
13:22Oh, my God.
13:23Girl.
13:24LAUGHTER
13:25Is she going to freak out?
13:26That face says it all, to be honest.
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29That face says it all.
13:30Um, Scarlett, is it true, though,
13:32that you are going to see Taylor Swift?
13:34Yeah.
13:35Ooh.
13:36I mean, who is that a secret from, Taylor Swift?
13:38It's not really a secret anymore.
13:40I kind of told everyone.
13:41Right.
13:42Yeah.
13:43Everyone knows.
13:44Everyone knows cos you're a massive Taylor Swift fan?
13:46Yeah.
13:47Fantastic.
13:48And, Posa, you mentioned that you would like another dog,
13:50but your dad can't know.
13:51Mm.
13:52Well, it's too late now.
13:53Yeah.
13:55APPLAUSE
13:58It is time for an ad break.
13:59So, go put the kettle on for Aunty Rose.
14:01Go on.
14:02Milk, one sugar.
14:03It's not going to make itself.
14:04See you in a few.
14:05APPLAUSE
14:11APPLAUSE
14:12Well, hello there.
14:13Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster,
14:15the show where we make children miss days of vital schooling
14:18to pop balloons in their head.
14:20It's time for an ad break.
14:21So, go put the kettle on for Aunty Rose.
14:23It's not going to make itself.
14:24See you in a few.
14:25Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster,
14:26the show where we make children miss days of vital schooling
14:28to pop balloons and juggle eggs for our amusement.
14:30It's severely impacting their learning.
14:31What's next, Mike?
14:32It's time for Anita and August.
14:33Oh!
14:34You need to buy some milk.
14:35Oh, thank you.
14:36Mike, you need to buy some milk.
14:37Thank you, Anita.
14:38So, how I got my hair cut is that I cut it myself,
14:40um, from my mum's milling machine.
14:42Oh, OK.
14:43So, how I got my hair cut is that I cut it myself,
14:45um, from my mum's milling machine.
14:47Oh, OK.
14:48So, how I got my hair cut is that I cut it myself,
14:50um, from my mum's milling machine.
14:52From my mum milling.
14:55Mm, that's scary.
14:59Are you the milk man?!
15:09Hi.
15:10Hello.
15:13Bye.
15:18You need to buy milk.
15:21My hair!
15:24Are you the milk man?!
15:27Did you know Mike told me a secret?
15:29He once went into, um, someone's room and stole a fig roll.
15:39My secret's that you should cut your moustache.
15:44Anita.
15:45You need to buy some milk.
15:48Wait, I could just do two at a time.
15:49How much time do I have left?
15:51His fastest wins.
15:58Why?!
16:00Um...
16:02My secret to, uh...
16:05Buy milk!
16:08Can you pay for a cow, please?
16:12I finished.
16:13Buy milk.
16:15You need to buy some milk.
16:17Thank you, Anita.
16:19WHISTLE
16:21Did you enjoy that, August?
16:24No!
16:34How did you feel when you did that task?
16:36I was filled with regret.
16:40Anita, nowhere in the task did it say that you had to scream it at the milk man.
16:46Why did you want to scream at Mark?
16:48Because he's annoying.
16:51All of you seem very frustrated with the task.
16:53I mean, did you guys find that quite frustrating as well?
16:55Yeah, cos no-one tells me secrets.
16:57Why do they tell you secrets?
16:59Because I just tell everyone secrets.
17:02Like my dad says, I'm a blubbermouth.
17:04You've got to be open, you've got to be honest in this world.
17:06Scarlett, never change.
17:10We do have one person left, don't we?
17:12We do indeed, and it is Finlay.
17:19WHISTLE
17:22Is that the milk man?
17:26Is that the milk...? Oh, you need to buy your milk.
17:28Oh, thank you.
17:34He's wearing Crocs.
17:41Here's your milk.
17:43Thank you very much, Finlay.
17:44Oh, I need to pump up the...
17:48Do you need to buy your milk?
17:52Hi.
17:53Mike doesn't brush his teeth.
17:56I've got rings in the bell!
18:01Is that the milk man?
18:04Is that the milk man?
18:06I'm incredibly tired.
18:10Is that the milk man?
18:13I have finished with this task.
18:15They're all blown up.
18:17WHISTLE
18:19I'll be back in a sec.
18:24I've got a trophy.
18:31Thanks, Finlay.
18:33Poor Mark.
18:39What kind of sick person would offer a head as a trophy?
18:43Don't look here. Don't look.
18:45Don't look here.
18:46Finlay, talk me through what I've just watched.
18:48Where were you at in this task?
18:50Well, I was in Finlay's brain-does-not-work state of mind.
18:55What would you have done different?
18:57Throw Mark's head across the room.
18:59But he's not even real, Finlay!
19:01He's a mannequin.
19:03He's probably back in a shot fight now.
19:08Finlay, you are talking about my closest personal friend.
19:12He was Mike's best man at his wedding.
19:15So you're literally just saying Mike has no friends
19:17cos his best friend's a mannequin?
19:19That is exactly what I'm saying, yeah.
19:23So, Mike, hit me with some stats.
19:25Missing a bell or misinterpreting a bell,
19:27there was a penalty for that.
19:29Finlay missed 29 bells.
19:31OK.
19:32Altogether, which meant your total time technically
19:34was 13 minutes and 48 seconds.
19:36Anita missed 11 bells, so got a total of 14 minutes and 5 seconds.
19:40August only missed three bells, 12 minutes and 19 seconds.
19:44Scarlet was very quick with no missed bells at all,
19:47five minutes, 57.
19:48Persia also missed no bells
19:50and blasted through it in four minutes and 53 seconds.
19:53OK, all right.
19:54APPLAUSE
19:59Anita is one point.
20:00Finlay with two points.
20:01Three points to August, four points to Scarlet,
20:03but that is a full five points to Persia.
20:05APPLAUSE
20:08Shall we see how good all this comes forward, Mike?
20:11We certainly can.
20:12Here we go.
20:13It is very tight indeed.
20:15Three of them on five points and one on six,
20:17but lurching ahead is Persia with nine points.
20:20APPLAUSE
20:25All right.
20:26Mike, you'd better have another task for us or so help me God.
20:30The strangest thing has happened.
20:32I really miss my dog.
20:34It's very odd cos I don't have a dog.
20:38Not my words, the words of Bono,
20:41which in this next task couldn't be less helpful.
20:44OK.
20:58Hello, Anita.
20:59Hello.
21:00Persia.
21:01Hi.
21:02Hello, August.
21:03Hello.
21:04Hello, Finlay.
21:05Hello.
21:06Hello, Scarlet.
21:07Hello, Mike.
21:08How's it going?
21:09Good.
21:10Oh, yeah, I can do a talent.
21:11You've learnt a new talent since I've seen you?
21:13Right, so, I'm Scouse.
21:15Yeah.
21:16But I can turn London, like...
21:18You've learnt a London accent?
21:20Shall we go to the pole?
21:21To the North Pole?
21:22To the pole, like the swimming pole.
21:24It's meant to be pool.
21:25I understand you when you say it in Scouse.
21:30On the next task,
21:32write down a number between one and ten in the first hole,
21:36a letter of the alphabet in the second hole
21:39and one of the five objects in front of you in the third hole.
21:42You have one minute.
21:44Your time starts now.
21:45So, here's your next task.
21:46You'll see there's a hole for the number.
21:48First hole, second hole, third hole.
21:50Here's a pen.
21:51OK.
21:53What number are you going for?
21:55I think I'm gonna go with...
21:57four.
21:58Three.
21:59Seven.
22:00Eight.
22:01Nine.
22:02Nine. Why nine?
22:03Because nine's my age.
22:04Best age so far?
22:05Yeah.
22:06OK.
22:07What's the next one?
22:08Letter of the alphabet.
22:09G.
22:10F.
22:11L.
22:12E.
22:13S.
22:14And an object in front of me.
22:16One of these five objects.
22:18A briefcase.
22:19Pad.
22:20A yoga mat.
22:21Yeah.
22:22Tray.
22:23And that's for...
22:24There's no other thing?
22:25Yeah, there is.
22:26May I please open this now?
22:27Certainly.
22:36Ooh!
22:38OK.
22:42Anita, best age, nine.
22:44Do you stand by that?
22:46Nine's good.
22:48Did anyone have a favourite age?
22:50Persia?
22:51One.
22:52Everyone cleans up after you.
22:54You never get in trouble.
22:56You can scream in public.
22:57Only people look at you weird.
22:59To be fair, you can do that at 32 as well.
23:02What was your favourite age, Mike?
23:04Oh, right now, yeah.
23:06I was born a middle-aged man.
23:09The first man to be 44 for his entire life.
23:12All right, I want to know more about this task.
23:14Who is up first, Mike?
23:15You bet it is Anita, August and Finlay.
23:17OK.
23:20Balance seven different things beginning with A.
23:23Nine different things beginning with G.
23:27Balance four different things beginning with L.
23:30On a frying pan.
23:32Fastest wins.
23:33You have a maximum of ten minutes.
23:35Your time starts now.
23:37L.
23:38G.
23:39What starts with G?
23:41A jump...
23:43A jumper?
23:44Can I go to the shed?
23:46Wait, jumper doesn't start with a G.
23:49No.
23:50It starts with a J.
23:51That's a shame, isn't it?
23:52Yeah.
23:54Lollipop sticks.
23:56Wait, question.
23:57Yes.
23:58Can I see things like a banana?
24:01All the information's in the task.
24:02I would say so.
24:04A brick.
24:06A brick.
24:07Glasses.
24:09Glass.
24:10Light.
24:11Right.
24:13That's a torch.
24:15So you picked up a light and then dismissed it as a torch.
24:20A torch.
24:21A tennis ball.
24:22A glue.
24:23A ukulele.
24:24A...
24:26baking thing.
24:29Green balloon.
24:30Green balloon.
24:31Green stick.
24:32Green stick.
24:33Green thingy-ma-bob.
24:34Green thingy-ma-bob.
24:36It's a torch.
24:37I'll classify it as a light.
24:38You'll classify that as a light, so that counts, does it?
24:41Green tape.
24:42L.
24:43You found an L.
24:44Hand card.
24:45It actually begins with A.
24:46OK.
24:47Letter-picking tools.
24:49A brush.
24:50OK, that's it.
24:52Balance.
24:55One.
24:56Two.
24:57The pan can't be on the table.
24:58You've got to be standing holding the pan.
25:00Five.
25:01Six.
25:02Let me know when you've done it.
25:03Done.
25:05WHISTLE BLOWS
25:06Is it...?
25:07Oh!
25:08Oh, my God!
25:10Eight.
25:11There we go.
25:12It's good.
25:13You done?
25:14Yes.
25:15WHISTLE BLOWS
25:16Wait, I'm on one leg.
25:18Good Lord.
25:20WHISTLE BLOWS
25:21OK, bye.
25:22APPLAUSE
25:25Wow.
25:27OK, Finlay, you win with L.
25:30Because I have an amazing little sister called Lily.
25:33Oh!
25:34Shout-out, Lily.
25:35AUDIENCE GROANS
25:36August.
25:37I glue.
25:38You think I was born yesterday, do you?
25:40Hold it, hold it.
25:41Hear me out.
25:42If we say, oh, I need a toothbrush,
25:44you wouldn't say, I need toothbrush.
25:46I need a brick.
25:47You wouldn't say, I need brick.
25:49You'd say, I need a brick.
25:51Anita.
25:52You're challenging me.
25:53You don't think I should accept As.
25:55The girl who's saying, green everything...
25:59..is telling me I shouldn't accept an A.
26:01So, you've got a noun.
26:03Yes.
26:04But the noun doesn't start with the A.
26:06You have the A, then you have a finger space,
26:09then you have the noun.
26:12You've got an adjective, finger space, noun.
26:17It all comes from the wonderful lady who brought us Gumper.
26:22Oh, gosh, Mike.
26:23I think there's something under your shoe, actually.
26:25Yeah.
26:26Oh, what's that?
26:27Oh!
26:28Please, enjoy these ads.
26:29APPLAUSE
26:40Welcome back to the show where plucky young bakers
26:43battle it out in the tent for the honour
26:45of my coveted hand-picked show.
26:47Welcome back to the show where plucky young bakers
26:49battle it out in the tent for the honour of my coveted hand-picked...
26:52No, sorry, that's the wrong autocue there.
26:54No, anyway, you're watching Junior Taskmaster.
26:57What's up next, Mike?
26:58We have Scarlet and Persia.
27:04One of the things in front of you.
27:06What are you thinking?
27:07Probably a briefcase.
27:08Yeah.
27:09You could be an item.
27:11Well, some would see that as an insult.
27:14I'm going to say Mike.
27:15You're going to say Mike?
27:17Balance eight different things, three different things,
27:21beginning with S, beginning with F,
27:24on a briefcase, on a Mike.
27:27Fastest wins.
27:29You have a maximum of ten minutes.
27:31Your time starts now.
27:33OK.
27:34How am I going to balance things on you?
27:36I've got salt.
27:37You've got one object, OK.
27:38One.
27:39I'm going to the shed.
27:41I don't know if anyone's ever balanced anything on me before.
27:45Spoon.
27:46This is a plush fish.
27:48This is a rubber fish.
27:50Are they different things, are they?
27:51Yeah, they're different materials.
27:53That's a salmon.
27:55Ooh, stick.
27:56Straw.
27:57String.
27:58S, the letter S.
28:00Glasses, spectacled glasses.
28:02Yeah.
28:03Daddy, OK.
28:04I've done them.
28:06Flashlight.
28:07Flashlight?
28:08Flashlight.
28:09Americana.
28:10Let's go.
28:13Straw, stick.
28:14Spoon.
28:15Spoon.
28:16S.
28:17OK, Mike.
28:18Yes.
28:19I'm going to need you...
28:20Yeah.
28:21..to sit like this.
28:25Golly.
28:27Done.
28:31Hey, done.
28:37WHISTLE BLOWS
28:40Thank you, Persia.
28:41What?
28:42Do you respect me, Persia?
28:46Yep.
28:53I mean, look, why do you even ask that question, Mike,
28:56when so clearly she doesn't?
28:59I think it's quite nice to regard them as an item,
29:01I think that's a compliment, but what was...
29:03Was there a... Like, I only heard four in that task.
29:05The fifth item was the table.
29:07Oh.
29:08Yeah.
29:09OK, no one went for the table.
29:10Which would have been a potentially easy thing
29:12to balance stuff on.
29:13Yeah.
29:14Two fish, dear Persia.
29:16OK.
29:17OK.
29:18Yeah.
29:19So, there's a lot of things different about these two fish.
29:21Number one, one's this big, the other's that big.
29:24OK.
29:25One was made out of rubber, one's plush, those are different.
29:27Yes.
29:28That doesn't make sense when you say plush fish,
29:30because on the footage, they wrote in that fancy...
29:34Yeah.
29:35..bracket...
29:36Yeah.
29:37..fish, bracket, plush.
29:38Yeah.
29:39Plush bracket fish.
29:41That's quite good.
29:43I do want to... I do want to talk to Scarlett.
29:46Why did you choose S?
29:48Scarlett.
29:49Oh, Scarlett. Oh, yeah, that's your name.
29:51But I must remember them.
29:54Look, I'm going to accept everyone on their terms.
29:57So, this task was all about how fast you did that in.
30:00Mike, what are the stats?
30:02If it's just times you're after... Yeah.
30:04..the slowest was August, with 8 minutes 58.
30:06OK.
30:07Then Anita, 6 minutes and 4 seconds.
30:09OK.
30:10Finlay, 5 minutes and 49 seconds.
30:12Scarlett, 3 minutes 55.
30:14Persia, absolutely blazing ahead on, 1 minute 43 seconds.
30:17OK, good.
30:18APPLAUSE
30:19OK, I'm taking it as it is.
30:21So, one point to August, two points to Anita,
30:24three points to Finlay, four points to Scarlett,
30:26but five points to Persia. There we go.
30:28Good idea.
30:29That's it. That's how I ruled it.
30:31APPLAUSE
30:33What's next, Mike?
30:34The next task focuses on the engine room of the British economy.
30:38Poetry.
30:39Yes!
30:41I know I hated this one.
30:58Hello. Hello, August.
31:00Hello, Persia.
31:02Hello. Hello, Scarlett.
31:04Anita. Hi.
31:05Hello, Finlay. How are you?
31:07Good.
31:12Write a poem about your favourite celebrity.
31:15Your poem must have at least four lines.
31:18You must perform your poem to Mike in ten minutes.
31:21Best celebrity poem wins.
31:23A bonus point will be awarded for the most dramatic performance.
31:27Your time starts...
31:29..now.
31:31Have you got a celebrity in mind?
31:33Yes, Adam Sandler.
31:36The Rock. There we go.
31:38The Rock? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:39Dwayne The Rock Johnson? Yeah.
31:41Dare I ask who your celebrity might be?
31:44Taylor Swift.
31:46Obviously. I had a feeling.
31:48Would someone who's been on Taskmaster count as a celebrity?
31:51I know who I'm doing.
31:53Who?
31:54Hello. Hello.
31:55Who's the celebrity?
31:57You. Me?
31:58Gus.
31:59Gus Cullen?
32:00Yeah, he was just generally a good contestant.
32:02I want to do a limerick.
32:05You like a limerick?
32:06It's the easiest.
32:07It's the easiest?
32:08I'm doing acrostic.
32:10Are you?
32:11Do you know what acrostic is?
32:12So you could do marvellous Mike and then ignorant Mike.
32:18Icon, what rhymes with icon?
32:20You tell me.
32:21Icon, schmicon.
32:23Icon, lycon.
32:26I'm not doing a rhyming poem.
32:30APPLAUSE
32:32Shout out to Adam Sandler.
32:34I mean, who has shown you the ancient texts of Adam Sandler?
32:39Adam Sandler first.
32:40He's amazing.
32:41He plays the same character in every movie, which I love.
32:44I've watched Just Go With It.
32:46I've watched Grown Ups.
32:47I've watched every single...
32:49I've watched Hotel Transylvania.
32:51Wow, it's amazing.
32:52I'm just laughing because Just Go With It is like
32:54literally a rom-com with Jennifer Aniston.
32:57I know.
32:58I know, it's amazing.
33:00Scarlett, I love it in yours, though.
33:03You've chosen Taylor.
33:05You started with icon, and that was the non-negotiable word.
33:08Yeah?
33:09Because she is an icon.
33:11She is?
33:12You can't just have a poem about Taylor Swift, Gavin.
33:14Taylor Swift is amazing.
33:16No, Taylor Swift is an icon.
33:18She's an icon.
33:19Icon.
33:20Icon, and I love the only thing you came up with
33:22was icon, schmicon, which sounds very sarcastic.
33:26Persia.
33:27You could have chosen any taskmaster cadets did.
33:29And, you know, you didn't go for me.
33:31I just want to say...
33:32You didn't go for me.
33:33I just want to say...
33:34Yeah, you want to say?
33:35You are the best one.
33:36Yeah?
33:37But offstage, Gus made me laugh.
33:40I'm not saying that you didn't make me laugh, Gus.
33:42Hold me back, hold me back, Kat.
33:44Hold me back.
33:45I don't want this to take a dark turn.
33:47You were easy.
33:48Yeah, OK.
33:49If I am easy with Gus, that's fine.
33:51OK, so I'm looking forward to seeing the celeb poems.
33:54Who is up first?
33:55It's Finlay and August.
33:57Oh, OK.
33:59Are you ready for my dramatic performance?
34:01I'm most certainly ready.
34:02Now, you're going to need some popcorn.
34:04Can it be imaginary popcorn, please?
34:05Yes.
34:08Adam Sandler is very bold.
34:10He plays in some movies that are very cold.
34:15Or so I've been told.
34:19If you look at him, you would see he's quite old.
34:25But that's nothing that we can't fix, cos he's only 46
34:31and he'll be able to pay us for piles of his gold!
34:35Was that dramatic enough for you?
34:37Do I get bonus points?
34:38That's up to Rose.
34:41Dwayne The Rock.
34:42His acting will give you a shock.
34:45He was a fighter.
34:47An actor as well.
34:49Not a writer.
34:51To get his autograph, it will never be in stock.
34:56Done.
35:02Right, OK.
35:03August, enjoyed that.
35:04It was like a beat poetry delivery of that limerick.
35:08I didn't follow, like, the basic syllables or, like,
35:12the structure of it.
35:13No, I think you kind of did.
35:14I think you nailed it.
35:15I mean, like, do you ever perform?
35:16No.
35:17No, not a performer?
35:18I'm chill.
35:20Finlay, I reckon you were working backwards from the word old.
35:24He is quite old, though, isn't he?
35:25Is he 46?
35:26I think.
35:28He's 57.
35:30No, he's not!
35:32He looks so young.
35:34Um, all righty, who was next?
35:36Time for Persia.
35:37OK.
35:39Pigeon.
35:43Here you go, Mike.
35:44HE CHUCKLES
35:45HE CLEARS THROAT
35:46Gus Khan, you are my favourite Taskmaster contestant.
35:51You always made me laugh and I was always rooting for you.
35:58HE CHUCKLES
35:59Just get dramatic.
36:07Extremely dramatic.
36:10Doing so well, Mike.
36:11Very dramatic.
36:14OK, you're done.
36:17WHISTLE BLOWS
36:20Thank you, Persia.
36:21No problem.
36:22APPLAUSE
36:26Now, Persia, I feel like I watched some sort of weird
36:28experimental theatre piece from the 60s.
36:30That was, um...
36:31No, no, no, before you say anything bad about that...
36:34LAUGHTER
36:35Wow, they're catching on, these kids.
36:37Go on, Persia.
36:38It clearly said it was dramatic.
36:40Mm.
36:41What's more dramatic than...
36:43..a middle-aged man exercising on the floor?
36:45LAUGHTER
36:47Persia, I would argue that maybe you outsourced the drama there.
36:51You made someone else do the work that maybe perhaps
36:53you should have done, yeah?
36:54I spoke dramatically.
36:56You did speak like a person in slow motion.
36:58Give me a bit of a...
36:59Gus Khan.
37:00Gus Khan, you were my favourite Taskmaster contestant.
37:03LAUGHTER
37:05That was quite good.
37:06It's quite regal.
37:07Hey, I would love to see who's next, Mike.
37:09Er, it is Scarlet.
37:12Done. Done?
37:14But before I perform... Mm?
37:16..I need some dramatic lighting.
37:19Oh, very well.
37:21Oh, this is better.
37:24The amazing woman, the one of a kind,
37:28the Taylor Swift.
37:30The girl who performs three...
37:33..hour shows.
37:35Well, three and a half hour shows.
37:37Don't forget the half.
37:39The person who saved so many people's lives.
37:42So many people's.
37:44Even with all the hate, she didn't let anyone,
37:47not one person, tell her she was on her own.
37:51She's got style like no-one else.
37:54And she's got a blank space in her heart
37:56for every single Swifty in her heart.
37:59People walk in, she keeps them safe.
38:02She holds them.
38:03She's an icon.
38:06Thank you, Scarlet.
38:19Wow, wow, wow, Scarlet.
38:21I think you brought yourself to tears at one point there.
38:24Is that a skill you have?
38:26Yeah.
38:28I will say this.
38:29What was the poem element of your performance?
38:32I will say this.
38:33What was the poem element of that?
38:36There's acoustic poems, there's rhyming poems,
38:39there's other poems out there.
38:41Right.
38:42But my poem...
38:43Yeah.
38:44..was from the heart.
38:46OK, I've just about done that.
38:50All right, last advert break now, so enjoy it while it lasts.
38:53Hang ten, stay cool, never change, etc, etc.
38:56See you after.
39:03APPLAUSE
39:10Welcome back to the final part of the show.
39:13Mikey, my little church mouse, where are we at?
39:16Before the break, we enjoyed some poems
39:18about the great and the good of modern celebrity.
39:20We've now got one more to go, and it's Anita.
39:25OK.
39:26Are you going to tell me why you're getting all this stuff?
39:28No.
39:29Ow, this is heavy.
39:31OK.
39:32Am I holding that? No.
39:33Go.
39:34Do you want to hold that as well?
39:35Mike, can you get in the shed, please?
39:37Sternly, what do you want me to do?
39:38Hey, you're one of my favourite items from the shed.
39:40Oh, Anita.
39:41It's a bit big of it.
39:42It's quite a quiet one.
39:44Smash.
39:45Ooh.
39:46So, we're going to go to the zebra's.
39:47OK.
39:48I've got it.
39:49Yay!
39:50Mike wipes me out.
39:54Marvellous, Mike.
39:56I like Mike.
39:57Kangaroo Mike, do your pike.
40:00Every teddy he has, he cuddles tight.
40:03You, Mike, are so fab, I will give you a gift.
40:06My top ten favourite items from the shed.
40:09Including you.
40:11Thank you, Anita.
40:13You're welcome.
40:24So, I need to say something.
40:26OK.
40:28Every other person here who tried to make theirs dramatic,
40:32they did it like this.
40:36But instead, the scene was dramatic,
40:38because I was sat on a zebra, I had a moustache,
40:42I was wearing all the multiple thingy-ma-bops.
40:46So, it's still dramatic.
40:48OK.
40:49It was a moving, moving acrostic about how brilliant Mike is.
40:53Mike, just the image of you and Anita on those little zebras
40:56with the moustache on.
40:58I like that.
40:59Kangaroo Mike does a pike.
41:00I just remembered that as well.
41:02Kangaroo Mike.
41:03Who's Kangaroo Mike?
41:05I am Kangaroo Mike.
41:06Oh!
41:07So, I go by two names, Mike and Kangaroo Mike.
41:13It's points time.
41:14Now, this is entirely up to my emotional response
41:17to these poems and the quality of them.
41:19So, look, Persia, I feel like it was quite a short poem,
41:22you outsourced the drama.
41:23So, I'm going to give one point to Persia.
41:25August, I feel like your heart wasn't in it.
41:27Two points.
41:28Finlay, very, very dramatic.
41:29And, look, we all love Adam Sandler.
41:31Three points to Finlay.
41:32Now, it's between these two.
41:34I think, look, I love a bit of lighting, I love a bit of drama
41:37and a lot of passion behind it.
41:39So, four points to Scarlet.
41:40And it's going to be five points to Anita.
41:46I think everyone had different interpretations of drama,
41:48but I've got to say, taking it outside, taking it to the shed,
41:51putting a moustache on, I'm going to give the bonus point to Anita.
41:54Thank you!
41:57All right.
41:59What has that done to the scores, Mike?
42:02It is tight.
42:03We've got August in fifth place with eight points,
42:05Finlay on 11, Scarlet 13, Anita on 14 and Persia on 15.
42:09It's very, very close indeed.
42:11Well done.
42:15All right, you adorable little scamps,
42:17make your way over to the stage for the final time.
42:20Goodbye!
42:24APPLAUSE
42:29OK, Mike Bick, who is reading out tonight's final task?
42:33Finlay, please, if you do the business.
42:35I shall.
42:38Unroll the roll of sticky tape,
42:40put all the sticky tape into your bum bag,
42:42zip up the bum bag and hold the naked cardboard wheel above your head.
42:45You must wear your bum bag at all times. Fastest wins.
42:49OK, I'm going to take that off you so you've got both hands free, Finlay.
42:54Are you all clear on what is happening?
42:56Yeah.
42:57Yeah, you've got to unfurl the sellotape
42:59and then that sellotape has got to end up in your bum bag.
43:02Yeah.
43:03Good luck, one and all.
43:05WHISTLE BLOWS
43:07Come on, let's go!
43:14Persia's employing a foot.
43:17Come on, guys!
43:20I'm Batman!
43:24WHISTLE BLOWS
43:27Persia's done.
43:34It's doing it!
43:36Persia's done.
43:38That's it, August, you're getting there.
43:42It's not to me, I'm...
43:48I thought, don't get it on something that you can't put in your bum bag.
43:52WHISTLE BLOWS
43:53Oh, my hand is stuck.
43:55A pair of sticky boxer gloves are happening over here.
44:09Mike, let's score that up and see how that affects the final scores.
44:13Get back down here.
44:15Come on!
44:16APPLAUSE
44:20Mike...
44:22That was a lot of tape.
44:23That was a lot of tape.
44:24Yep.
44:25And now they're going to be wheeling it all onto the tape again.
44:28Yeah, yeah.
44:29Fantastic.
44:30OK, I think it was pretty clear-cut.
44:32It was tough, there was some boxing glove situation.
44:36Yes.
44:37Times-wise, Finlay managed 4 minutes, 35 seconds.
44:40Scarlett, 2 minutes, 32 seconds.
44:42Anita, 1 minute, 31.
44:44And Persia, 1 minute, 24.
44:46Very close, indeed, with those two.
44:50OK, what does that mean points-wise, Mike?
44:52Points-wise, it means 1 to August, 2 to Finlay, 3 to Scarlett,
44:554 to Anita and 5 to Persia.
45:01Mike...
45:02Mike, I am dying to know these scores.
45:05Tell me the scores.
45:06You've got to tell me the scores, man!
45:08Why won't you tell me the scores?
45:09Well, these results are sickeningly exciting, Rose,
45:13because the runner-up and the winner
45:15will be going straight through to the final.
45:17There is also one space available for whoever comes third
45:20with the most points across both semis,
45:22but we won't find out who made the cut until the finale.
45:25So, here we go.
45:27In fifth place, with 9 points, we have August, ladies and gentlemen.
45:33In fourth place, with 13 points, it's Finlay.
45:39Third is Scarlett, with 16 points.
45:44And with 18 points and guaranteed through to the final
45:47in second place, it's Anita.
45:51Which means joining her in our final with an almighty 20 points.
45:55Tonight's winner is Persia!
46:00Go on up and collect your things, you guys!
46:05Well, that is your lot for the first semifinal.
46:08And the only thing more exciting than a semifinal
46:10is a second semifinal!
46:12So make sure you come back next week.
46:14But in the meantime, let's hear it for all of our contestants
46:16and, of course, tonight's winner, Persia!
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE