Are there ANY good horror remakes?
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00:00When any film becomes iconic, it's inevitable that the studio will remake it, hoping, but
00:06probably failing, to recreate that same success. And because cinema goers are drawn to the
00:11familiar, it does make sense why people would flock to see another rendition of a recognised
00:15and beloved property. And sometimes this practice does work out for the best, but more often
00:21than not it does go south and we end up with these sorry messes. I'm Josh from What Culture
00:26Horror and these are 10 Horror Movie Remakes That You Must Never Watch.
00:32The Poltergeist remake is so forgettable you probably even forgot that it existed until
00:37right now. Even if you saw it, it doesn't leave any impression at all because it cannot
00:43hold a candle to Tobe Hooper's classic. I saw it in cinemas when it came out and I genuinely
00:48couldn't recall a single frame of it to you now. And you know what's weird? You can actually
00:52tell that this film isn't going to work based entirely on the poster, which depicts a clown
00:58doll. This image is a nod of course to the scene in the original Poltergeist where Robbie
01:02is strangled by a possessed doll. But because the remake uses the creepy doll to sell its
01:07movie, it's basically telling us that it's going to copy the best bits of its forerunner
01:10rather than try to do anything new. All the key scenes are recreated including the doll,
01:15the attacking trees, the static hand, the child being sucked into the TV and of course
01:20the iconic line there. The only difference is that none of these scenes are scary since
01:25they're all replicated so poorly. Sam Rockwell and Jared Harris do their best to keep the
01:30story grounded but it's not enough and they're my dudes as well. I honestly love these two
01:35actors and even they can't save this for me. Due to the unconvincing special effects
01:39and superficial scares, the 2015 Poltergeist is just a waste of effort.
01:45Number 9 – The Fog
01:46In the 1980 version of The Fog, a horde of ghosts appear from an inexplicable mist and
01:52attack the citizens of Antonio Island. Because of its straightforward plot, The Fog could
01:56have been an unmemorable schlockfest but with visionary director John Carpenter at the helm,
02:01this ghostly thriller is genuinely chilling. A Scooby-Doo episode brought to life and I
02:06mean that as a compliment. The way Carpenter slowly builds tension before delivering a
02:10well-earned jumpscare makes The Fog feel like a supernatural version of Jaws or something.
02:15The small town connected by radio vibe is done exceptionally well as well and it just
02:19has a lot of style going for it. It may not be as masterful as Carpenter's other works
02:24like The Thing or Halloween but The Fog does deserve more credit. Too bad though that the
02:29same cannot be said about the 2005 remake. Now to this flick's credit, it does take
02:34its time building up to the supernatural elements and doesn't shove in relentless jumpscares
02:38which is quite common in modern horrors. Sadly, it never feels suspenseful since all the characters
02:43are generic, whiny and unlikable and the whole thing is just a little bit drab. If you thought
02:48things would pick up when the killing begins as well, the film actually gets somehow worse
02:52so don't even bother for that.
02:57George A. Romero's iconic zombie films have been bastardised by many a remake. Hell, thanks
03:02to the original Night of the Living Dead slipping into public domain immediately, there have
03:06been enough shoddy remakes that could have taken up this entire list in terms of tanking
03:10the quality. Day of the Dead however, the underrated third instalment in Romero's series
03:15has also received its fair share of remakes and adaptations. The 2008 version simply titled
03:21Day of the Dead is particularly shoddy, one of those in-name-only remakes that clearly
03:26has no love for the thing it's based on. Sure some of the characters share names and
03:30roles but for the most part the story is entirely different and far more cliched. It's clear
03:36the whole thing was just a cheap cash-in, throwing a bunch of zombie tropes from the
03:40mid to late 2000s into a blender and hoping for the best. It's an ugly, ugly flake and
03:46not even the great Ving Rhames was enough to save this trash fire.
03:52To help promote the Omen reboot, it was released on the 6th of the 606, as of course a reference
03:57to the biblical Mark of the Beast which is 666. And that's pretty neat right? Well
04:02sadly more effort was put into this marketing ploy than the film itself. 2006's The Omen
04:07is a remake in a very literal sense, since it literally just remakes everything that
04:12made the original special. If you watched the trailer you can tell that the director
04:15John Muir prioritised making his work identical to the flick's precursor rather than focusing
04:21on making it entertaining. It's so similar beat for beat and line for line that it feels
04:25like it was designed by an algorithm. But a bad one as well. Like whatever that twitter
04:30algorithm is that keeps trying it's best to get me into Machine Gun Kelly is, that's
04:34the one that made this. Despite the fact that the sequels were disappointing, they did have
04:38some creatively haunting moments. And unfortunately there's none of that here. It's got a
04:43great cast and it's shot well, but it lacks in scares since we just know what's going
04:47to happen. Once the audience realises that it's following the formula of Richard Donner's
04:51version meticulously, you know the only difference is that these scenes are going to lack tension
04:56and will be plagued with sloppy CGI.
04:58Remakes are often cast in a bad light since their very nature is a sign of unoriginality.
05:06Nevertheless, there are some stories that do deserve a do-over. I mean, if a movie doesn't
05:10come together despite having a lot of potential, there's no reason not to try again. A perfect
05:15example of this notion is The Amityville Horror. Even though it was a smash hit at the time,
05:19this was almost certainly because it was supposedly based on a true story rather than
05:24the quality of the film itself. The Amityville Horror received scathing reviews from critics
05:28upon its release and isn't regarded much better today. So, when Andrew Douglas decided
05:33to make his directorial debut by remaking The Amityville Horror, it felt like it was
05:37an opportunity to do this story justice. But somehow, it turned out even worse. Due to
05:43an over-reliance on shock edits and unsubtle scares, not even Ryan Reynolds' oozing charm
05:48could stop this film feeling just run-of-the-mill. The only advantage this version of The Amityville
05:53Horror has over its predecessor is that it's nearly 30 minutes shorter. But if a film's
05:58best quality is its brevity, that's probably not a good sign, is it?
06:05Flatliners follows a group of medical students who perform an experiment that stops and restarts
06:09their hearts so they can experience the afterlife. But after each of the participants are plagued
06:14by haunting visions, they realise that they've opened a doorway to the supernatural that
06:18they cannot close. It's a cool premise, right? Well, the 2017 remake felt like it
06:22could surpass Joel Schumacher's version since it was directed by the same filmmaker
06:27behind The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and the writer of Source Code. Also, it doesn't
06:31perform the cardinal sin of duplicating the original film scene by scene and instead,
06:36tries to capture its predecessor's unsettling atmosphere. Unfortunately, the key word here
06:40is tries, since the latter Flatliners fails to have any real redeemable qualities, especially
06:46when it comes to the scares. Its biggest issue is that it cannot decide what genre it is.
06:52If you like slow burn horror, you'll enjoy the film's reliance on suspense until it
06:56turns into a CGI-riddled jump-scare-a-thon. One minute you're watching a tense medical
07:00thriller and the next it turns into a cliched film mess.
07:07The original Thirteen Ghosts centres around a family who inherit a mansion haunted by
07:11spirits that can only be seen while wearing spectral goggles. The film was nothing special
07:15but it did have a lot of cheesy dumb fun along the way. But the remake, titled Thirteen Ghosts
07:20if I'm reading that logo correctly, took this dumb plot and somehow made it even dumber.
07:25As before, the story follows a family who inherit a vast estate after their relative
07:29Cyrus passes away. Shortly after arriving though, the family discover that their new home is
07:33filled with 12 vengeful phantoms. But then, in the climax, spoilers I guess, it's revealed
07:39that Cyrus is alive and hiding in the house. He faked his own death hoping to lure the
07:44family to his abode so he could turn one of them into the 13th and final ghost to activate
07:49a machine that will allow Cyrus to see through time. This is, quite frankly, an insane movie
07:55and there is something to be said about that. However, while you might get some enjoyment
08:00out of catching clips of the best moments on YouTube or say, watching other people's
08:04videos on it like Ryan Hollinger's really good one, you're best probably leaving it
08:08at that because the whole thing ain't worth it.
08:11Number 3, Carrie. Many people criticised the Carrie remake at the time, accusing the lead
08:16actress, Chloe Grace Moretz, of being too cool to portray a bullied high schooler. However,
08:21the film emphasises that Carrie White is ridiculed because of her prudence and overly religious
08:26upbringing. So, while Moretz doesn't nail the role the way Sissy Spacek did in the original,
08:31the young actress is still pretty good at playing a misunderstood outsider. Sadly, though
08:36with that misconception aside, the rest of the film totally blows. Although the bullies
08:40were generic in the original novel and original film, they are now so unrealistically evil
08:45they're more akin to cartoon villains. Any moment in this film that had the potential
08:50to be scary is ruined by the overuse of slow motion as well. Hell, the iconic shot of the
08:55blood dropping on Carrie is done in slow-mo three times just in case you didn't realise
09:00that the scene is important. Unsurprisingly, this remake tries to outdo the original climax
09:04by inserting overly elaborate creative depths and more special effects than anyone could
09:09imagine. But not only is this conclusion too stylised and CGI heavy, but the image quality
09:14and cinematography as well is just ugly, which is unbearably distracting. Despite the fact
09:19that the final shot hints at a sequel, the potential franchise wisely chose to stay buried.
09:24Number 2, Martyrs.
09:26If you're a fan of what culture horror, or just horror in general I guess, you're probably
09:29sick to death of hearing about Martyrs. It's considered one of the scariest horror films
09:34of all time and for good reason. Hollywood being Hollywood though, they got this memo
09:38way too late and eventually put in a long overdue remake that just capitalised on nothing.
09:44Still, when the co-directors of the Martyrs remake emphasised that their version would
09:48be a reimagining rather than a retelling, it did sound like they were wisely trying
09:53to not just imitate the original, but do something kind of fresh. But upon watching
09:57the supposed reimagining, it's obvious that the filmmakers missed the point of the original
10:02entirely. All the complex, nihilistic themes that made the original Martyrs so disturbing
10:07are entirely absent here weirdly. Instead, they're replaced with incessant gore, which
10:12admittedly the original did have in spades as well, but that actually had a point and
10:16it was effective, whereas here, it's just gore for the sake of gore. There's often
10:20no real feeling behind it. What's worse though is that the relentless violence is
10:24shoddily short and inartistic, and even though the remake is only 80 minutes, it crams in
10:29as many witless tropes, one-dimensional characters and cliched lines in as possible. Anyone who
10:34had the misfortune of watching this version of Martyrs will tell you that it's not just
10:37a bad remake, it's just like one of the worst horror films you can watch.
10:41Number 1, Psycho. If you've watched Psycho, then you don't need to watch the 1998 remake
10:47because, well, you've already seen it. The director, Gus Van Sant, believed that
10:51Alfred Hitchcock's original slasher was so perfect that there was no point to even
10:55try and better it. This mentality encouraged him to turn this movie into an almost shot-for-shot
11:01remake. Now this is obviously a terrible idea since every scene now feels totally inorganic.
11:07Because the actors are encouraged to replicate the performances of the 1960 version's counterparts,
11:11everyone moves stiffly and speaks mechanically. Contrary to popular belief though, the film
11:16isn't a total carbon copy. That's because unlike the original, the remake opens with
11:21a pan and zoom over the city, as Hitchcock wanted to use this shot for his opening but
11:26then scrapped the idea when he couldn't make it look right. However, even this change
11:29emphasises the same point as before. Van Sant didn't alter the opening to better serve
11:34his vision, instead he just thought, yeah, I'll just do what Hitchcock wanted and couldn't.
11:39The 1998 version of Psycho is the worst kind of remake since it is just so bereft of soul.
11:45As an experiment, it is an intriguing idea, but as a movie, it's a shameless, perfunctory
11:50mess. Like seriously, just watch the incredibly underrated Psycho sequels instead. You'll
11:54have a much better time.
11:55So that's our list, what do you guys think down in the comments below? Do you like these
11:59horror remakes? I really would love to know if you did. Hey, I wanna see their redeeming
12:03qualities as well. While you're letting me know look, do also please give us a like,
12:06share, subscribe and head over to WhatCultureHorror for more lists like this on the regular. Even
12:10if you don't though, I've been Josh, thanks so much for watching and I'll see you soon.