Welcome to Tues Your Own Adventure! Join Jules and James as they take look at powerful video game enemies that became weak playable characters! From anti-hero to zero.
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00:00Hello all of you little demons, Jules here for WhatCulture.com, back again with another
00:04episode of the awesomely named and awfully hosted Choose Your Own Adventure, the weekly
00:09medieval themed format where I, the crown jewels of WhatCulture.com, take a list chosen
00:14by you. Yes, you, the person who has to do another crunch turnaround for this week's
00:18episode because, not my fault this time, I'm actually feeling better, but James decided
00:22to go on holiday. Oh, who left his cage open and let him out, eh? I tell you what, I tell
00:27you what. But yes, you get to decide what list I dole out to you each and every week,
00:32and this week we have none other to thank than Liam O'Connell for their suggestion
00:38of video game enemies that you can recruit that seem really strong when you fight them,
00:43but are absolutely piss weak when they're playing on your side. Brilliant.
00:47Because we all know that feeling of getting our ass handed to us by a particularly difficult
00:51enemy. I mean, it can provide moments of abject frustration and despair amongst players to
00:55feel like they're just smashing their heads against a brick wall to their enjoyment, and
00:59it's often made even worse when the enemy in question manipulates the game to their
01:02bloody favour. That being said, there are some scenarios that can alleviate this frustration
01:07if the game in question allows these enemies to be unlocked as playable characters, as
01:11doling out the punishment rather than receiving it is always going to be a good laugh.
01:15Yet sometimes, like I said, when they switch side and finally join your party, they end
01:20up absolutely sucking. So let's take a look at the people who turn from foes to friends
01:26to completely forgotten, as I'm Jules, this is WhatCulture.com, and these are 8 powerful
01:32video game enemies that became weak playable characters. And you know the drill by now,
01:37say hi to me here in the live chat and put your suggestions for next week's episode
01:40down in the comments section below. And with that in mind, let's get on with things, shall
01:44we?
01:458. Carbuncle
01:47Final Fantasy V
01:48So imagine the scene, you've just fought your way through a dungeon that has possibly
01:52the scariest name known to man, the Ex-Death Dungeon, and you've come across its hidden
01:57boss, the mighty beast known as Carbuncle. Now imagine that before you've had even a
02:02chance to laugh at his rather weird name, that said buncle has now stomped your brains
02:07in thanks to its beast-like form and its love of the reflect spell. As we all know, magic
02:12in the FF franchise is one of the go-to options for blasting apart your foes, but now, having
02:17all of your spells bounce back, truly does feel like a taste of your own medicine.
02:27Therefore after a hard scrap, you might be excited to use Carbuncle as a summon and dispatch
02:32foes with its raw power, right? I mean look at this form here, using this against my enemies
02:37is going to tear everyone apart right? Wait, why has it changed? Why have I got this blinged
02:41up little rat here now?
02:43That my friend is your version of Carbuncle, a summon that while admittedly does cast a
02:47useful reflect spell on all party members, does no damage whatsoever. And with the inherent
02:52drawbacks of reflect meaning that healing spells now bounce off and heal enemies, does
02:56make you feel like you've got the, but we've got Carbuncle at home deal.
02:59Now don't get me wrong, he is adorable, I love him truly, but at the same time, I want
03:05my giant beast form back please.
03:067. Alpha 152 – Dead or Alive 5
03:11Now while the Dead or Alive franchise might be best known for, um, jigglier reasons, there
03:17is actually a lot of meat in this fighting game franchise that isn't stuffed up sweaters,
03:21because this franchise actually scraps with all the ferocity of an underdog trying to
03:26claw its way out of the shadows of the likes of Tekken and Street Fighter.
03:30And of course, this means that from time to time, Dead or Alive loves to ramp up the challenge
03:34by dipping its hand into the fromage vats and pulling out an uber cheesy boss battle,
03:39which in Dead or Alive 4 and 5, came in the form of Alpha 152. Thanks to a ridiculous
03:45ability to teleport and a grab move that removes over a third of your health in one go, Alpha
03:50152 became an utter bane for many of the fanbase.
03:53However, things got somehow even worse when it turned out that you could unlock 152 for
03:58your own personal usage, and um, well she absolutely sucked.
04:02Gone was the insane damage output, and gone were her teleportation powers in Dead or Alive
04:075, meaning that what you had now was a lazily designed character without any of the redeeming
04:11features that fans were asking for. In fact, in tier rankings, she's often listed as
04:16being one of the worst characters in the franchise, making her fall from grace feel like a plummet
04:21off of a mountain.
04:226. Akuma – Street Fighter 2
04:25Ah, now I think that we all remember that moment. That moment when our hearts leapt
04:31out of our chest in excitement, only to be forcibly smashed back through our ribcages
04:36and down through our bottom, because that was the moment that players met Akuma.
04:41You'd heard the playground rumours, you'd heard of the insane challenge ahead of you,
04:46but you'd persevered, and mastered Street Fighter 2 enough to satisfy either the requirement
04:51of reaching and beating Sagat in under 1500 seconds, or amassing a huge point score by
04:56this point, and then it happened. With a flash of dark energy, M. Bison, the regular
05:02final boss of the experience, is cast aside like a used tissue, and now here was Akuma,
05:07to beat the absolute snot out of you with his incredible air control, ridiculous power,
05:12and of course, that special move.
05:14There's a good chance that you will have never beaten Akuma in this form, but in a
05:20way that only spurs on your desire to use him as a playable character, which you could
05:24do with a few choice inputs on the character select screen. It's a shame then that this
05:28version of Akuma is way more balanced than his CPU counterpart, and thus feels utterly
05:33underwhelming.
05:34Now, it would be wrong of me to say that Akuma is a weak fighter, because he's still pretty
05:38goddamn badass, even amidst the roster of people you can already unlock in this game,
05:43but still, when you look at what the computer was playing with, versus what you got, oh
05:48yeah he's considerably weaker.
05:515. Terry – Dragon Quest VI
05:54If there is ever a name to put fear into the hearts of your enemies, Terry ain't it.
05:59Seriously, it's up there with the main baddie from Psychic Force being the deadly and terrifying
06:04Keith. And he was so close to being put onto this list, I really wanted to put him on,
06:07but Terry just edged him out for being a little bit more, well, useless.
06:12Because by the time that players get to add Terry to their party in Dragon Quest VI, the
06:16only good thing about his arrival is the weapon that he carries, which makes for a rather
06:20awkward moment where you simply take the Sword of Ramius off of him, and then bench
06:24him for the entirety of the game.
06:26It's a real shame as well, because when he's fulfilling the role of a secondary antagonist,
06:31Terry is a bit of a badass. Thanks to him making a pact with the true evil of the game,
06:35when you get to face him head on, it's a rather challenging boss battle. And when combined
06:39with his ability to be just one step ahead of you in several key moments of the story,
06:43it kinda makes you feel like you're the NPC to his story.
06:46Unfortunately, that chapter closes pretty bloody hard onto his testicles once you get
06:52him into the party, because while he has mastered one of the many classes in this game, by the
06:56time you get to this point in the game, you'll have mastered many, many more, and thus, it's
07:01just like, sorry Terry, but thanks for the sword. Cheers, bro. I'll always remember
07:07you. Don't invite him again. Don't invite him again.
07:09Number 4, Caldea Orchid. The Bouncer.
07:12Now I will always have a soft spot in my heart for The Bouncer, although the more I think
07:17about it, it's probably a soft spot in my brain, because let's be honest, The Bouncer
07:22is not a great game. It's a fun game, but it ain't a great game. Still, it's over
07:27the top, and the announcer definitely sounds like he's having the time of his life reading
07:31out some of the character's names.
07:33DURGON SEEN THE COLOUR
07:35Oh god, James, is this what I do to you every week? I'm so sorry, mate.
07:39However, one aspect that's stuck in my craw ever since the game's release concerns Caldea
07:43Orchid, a foe turned unlockable friend once the cast beat the ever-loving piss out of
07:48her. Now, Miss Orchid over here has one of the most unique abilities in the game, in
07:53that instead of being a master of some form of martial arts, she can turn into a bloody
07:57panther. However, before the furries in the back yiff themselves dry, there are a few
08:03huge drawbacks to fighting as her that the AI counterpart never even hinted at. For a
08:08this is a biggie, she can't f***ing block, which as you might expect in a fighting game
08:13is kind of a huge drawback. Even worse is that when she's in human form, her attacks
08:17are slow and easily countered, meaning that you're basically forced to stay in the powerful
08:21but defensively bereft animal form. It's a character that's amazing on paper, and
08:27is no slouch when she's paired with DURGON SEEN THE COLOUR in her boss fights, but alone
08:32she's more of a kitten than a fierce feline.
08:343. ULQIR
08:36Dawn of War Retribution
08:38Now out of all the avatars of the Warhammer 40k Chaos Gods, the Great Unclean Ones are
08:45easily the most disgusting. A giant, bloated, rotting mass of disease, this manifestation
08:51of Nurgle's rot drags its mass across the battlefield, ushering in death and decay to
08:56any who even breathe the fetid air around it. Long story short, this big bad boy over
09:00here could definitely use more than a few cans of lynx that your nan would gift you
09:04every Christmas.
09:06And of all these horrible creatures, Ulqir from the Dawn of War franchise is definitely
09:11one of the most powerful, proving to be a massive blister on the player's arse across
09:15the course of Dawn of War Chaos Rising, and will likely dole out a rather stinky beatdown
09:20or two to anyone standing in his way. Therefore, excitement levels were raised immeasurably
09:25when it was announced that in the subsequent expansion, Dawn of War Retribution, that it
09:29was going to let you play as this mound of rotting flesh. By freeing Ulqir from his prison,
09:34this guck will show up to battle by your side. Except, instead of being an unstoppable monster,
09:39here he feels more like a common cold rather than a full-on plague outbreak, sporting much
09:43lower stats and next to zero abilities.
09:46I wanted to crush the Imperium with his rotting mass, but unfortunately, he's just stinking
09:51up the place in a very different manner.
09:532. Nearly all of the cast, Dynasty Warriors franchise
09:57Okay, so I know it might seem like a bit of a cop-out to put every single officer from
10:02the Dynasty Warriors franchise into one entry on this list, but at the same time, is there
10:07any greater feeling of deflation than when you get control of one of these officers,
10:11and when you've just witnessed them kill you in two hits, they've walked around,
10:14they've tanked your damage, they can bloody well circle strafe, which trust me, in a game
10:18like this, where they have even an ounce more manoeuvrability than you, is a huge factor,
10:23and when you get him, it's just like, oooh, I've brought two toothpicks to the fight.
10:28And when the computer's playing as them, they'll be rocking their trademark weapons,
10:32unable to tank so much damage that it's unbelievable, but when you get it, oh god,
10:37these warriors of legends are missing a few chapters as now you're rocking the endurance
10:40of an ant with respiratory issues.
10:43Lu Bu is definitely the chief offender of these downgrades by far, though, as when he's
10:47being controlled by the computer, he's a near-unstoppable force who will flatly refuse
10:51to be stunned by you and cut you in twain with just a hard glance.
10:56Even when fully levelled up and rocking his best weapons, he still pales in comparison
11:00to how the computer controls him, because my god, I have nightmares of Dynasty Warriors
11:073.
11:08Hulao Gate.
11:09It's Lu Bu!
11:11God damn right it's Lu Bu, on the red hair, chasing you down.
11:14No, I don't want any of that, my friend.
11:18Hard pass.
11:191.
11:20Jetstream Sam, Metal Gear Rising Revengeance
11:23He's always on the move, Jetstream Sam, he's put me in a mood, Jetstream Sam, he's
11:29the person you call when you want to feel two foot tall.
11:36That first fight against Jetstream Sam in Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, where he just
11:40kicks your ass relentlessly.
11:43I felt that.
11:44Ah, Jetstream Sam, what an absolute legend.
11:47Somehow, despite operating within the off-kilter confines of the Metal Gear franchise's most
11:52bat-shit game, and that is saying something, Sam here manages to stand out as one of the
11:56most memorable characters of the experience.
11:59And that says something, especially when you're competing with the likes of Don't Speak
12:02to My Son or My Nanomachines Again.
12:05Sam is effortlessly cool and suave, and will just as easily beat your ass into the floor
12:10throughout the narrative, firstly as an impossible, can't-win boss battle, and then again as
12:14a tough and truly taxing test of your skills.
12:17In both fights, he will showcase moves that feel just too fast to react to, and shrug
12:22off your attacks like you're throwing mild insults his way instead of katana strikes.
12:26And thus, the bar was set pretty high for his playable outing in the Jetstream Sam DLC.
12:31It's just a shame then that the player simply cannot replicate the speed and sheer badass
12:35nature that AI Sam basically ate for every meal, as while you can indeed get a lot of
12:40cool moves out of the Brazilian badass, nothing will come close to the man who can brush off
12:44sword blows and almost teleport around the stage at mind-blowing speeds.
12:49Sam is definitely one of those characters, which, there's a lot of these going on in
12:53modern day gaming, where they're just like cutscene amazing, and when you get to play
12:57as him, it's just kind of like, ah, I'm not as good as that, I'm not as good as the pre-scripted
13:01event that you've had play out in front of me.
13:03He's still a great character, and you can get so much damage done with him, but at the
13:07same time, not as cool as the computer-controlled version.
13:10So big boo.
13:11And there we go, my friends.
13:12Those were eight powerful video game enemies that became weak playable characters.
13:16I hope that you enjoyed that, and please let me know what you thought about it down in
13:19the comments section below, as well as what you would have put on this list, because who
13:22knows, I might return to a more of this down the line.
13:25But if you want to chat to me in the meantime, you can go over to Twitter and type in at
13:28RetroJ, but the O is a zero, and you'll find me there, or you can swing by Liv and Let's
13:33Dice, where I do all of my streaming outside of work, as well as all of my Warhammer Bat
13:37reports, stuff on the table, still the terrain from last week, haven't had a chance to paint
13:41any at the moment.
13:42Probably should tidy up the table a little bit in between, but who cares?
13:44No judgment, no judgment.
13:45No circle of judgment here.
13:46Also, this is the logo for the brand.
13:48That's why I keep wearing this hat.
13:49But before I go, I just want to say one thing.
13:51Hope you treat yourself with love and respect, my friend, because you are the video game
13:55badass that I know can be pumped up with positivity to become even stronger.
14:01You're an absolute ledge, and don't let anything or anyone else tell you otherwise,
14:03all right?
14:04I want you to go out there and absolutely smash it today.
14:07You are a massive ledge, all right?
14:09Big love to you.
14:10As always, I've been Jules.
14:11You have been awesome.
14:13Never forget that.
14:14I'll speak to you soon.
14:15Bye.