Indian Matchmaking: Is arranged marriage out of place in 2020? Or still a way to find love?
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00:00I have seen this latest series about Indian matchmaking and I was so shocked initially
00:07because first I thought it still exists in our culture because nowadays people are getting
00:11married on their own choices.
00:13They don't generally go for matchmaker or anyone.
00:15But I found it very interesting of course the matchmaker, she is trying to convince
00:21people according to their taste, their way of thinking, she is trying hard to match their
00:28expectations rather.
00:30Mine was love marriage.
00:31I only found my groom and yes my parents and everyone in family they have given their consent
00:39at that point of time because there was no religion issues of course we both were Punjabi
00:44so it was quite fine, I mean not very struggle I would say, there was no struggle.
00:50Actually I prefer love marriage because it makes people more fix their life, they prepare
00:59good things for their future and they know each other before they get engaged with their
01:05parents arranged and I believe most of the arranged marriage they will get maybe divorced
01:11in the future or something like this.
01:13So I have obviously seen the show Indian matchmaking and I have way too many thoughts on it.
01:17Firstly I felt like the show was extremely discriminatory if that's the right word.
01:24I feel like all the compromises and adjustments in life are meant to be made by women.
01:30What are the men supposed to do?
01:32Also I personally have not been through this matchmaking journey so I don't know what it's
01:35really like but I feel like this Seema aunty was too harsh on the women and I think the
01:41worst was that Geeta aunty who literally told Ankita that if you need this to work you are
01:47the one who needs to make the adjustment and the compromises.
01:50Like what?
01:51Says who?
01:52We are in 2020.
01:53We cannot be talking like this.
01:54We cannot.
01:55Like I said I have never been on a matchmaking journey.
01:58I have been a matchmaker though for two of my friends lol but no I have never been asked
02:04to meet a matchmaker, made a bio-data and I refuse to put my weight and my height on
02:11my bio-data.
02:12If there is anything I am putting on my bio-data is how, what I do for a living or how good
02:17I am at my work or what my values are, what my principles are.
02:20I am not putting all these superficial things.
02:24I think I want to say I am for love irrespective if you fall in love after you are arranged
02:29into that marriage or you were already in love when you got married.
02:33I think, I am not married and I think marriage is a huge step and it's a lot of things.
02:40It's love, it's commitment.
02:41It seems like that.
02:42I am not, again from what I see some of my friends who are married I think it's a lot
02:46of things.
02:47It's a lot of work and it's a two-way street so it's love or it's arranged.
02:52I think if your foundation values like respect and trust and all of that is there then either
02:59ways you are going to have a fabulous marriage is what I think.
03:02Love marriage in my opinion is good because you will get to know your partner more and
03:07obviously with the recent times it's always good to have open communication in order to
03:13have a strong relationship.
03:16Oh yes, I have.
03:17I mean it was like whether to watch it or not but it keeps you curious so you have to
03:25watch it.
03:26So I have seen so far three episodes and yeah it's quite a one.
03:35So we are Indian so basically for us matchmaking is nothing new as a concept because back in
03:43India 90% of arranged marriage is through matchmaking.
03:49I myself have done arranged marriage and it's been going to be 10 years soon of my marriage
03:57but however I got to know my husband through a matchmaking website.
04:03It was not matchmaking, it was a matrimony website where my husband saw my profile which
04:08was uploaded by my parents.
04:12For me like for us like that time we got married like on the day of the marriage we were meeting
04:19for the fifth time.
04:21So we took a leap of faith.
04:22I still feel that even if you do a love marriage or an arranged marriage you have to take a
04:27leap of faith which is important because you have to trust the process.
04:32Well I think I should get into a love marriage because if you know the person prior to your
04:39marriage that will be great you know and you should have the compatibility, you guys
04:43should have understanding.
04:45So I think love marriages lasts also you know more than what arranged marriages do.
04:52However I am not against arranged marriages though but love marriages I think would be
04:57more beneficial for you know both the persons whether it be a female or male.
05:03Yes my family has tried plenty of times to set me up with many boys.
05:08I spoke to them, I met them, I had met their families as well but you know somewhere when
05:14you are talking I feel like even if you can't be friends initially then I think you cannot
05:19last long.
05:20I mean even your relationship cannot last long.
05:23So 3 months, 4 months you will come to know the actual personality of the person and that's
05:27there is.
05:28It was a cringe fest for me.
05:31I absolutely hate the idea that there is a group of, there is a lady who is coming and
05:40trying to fix 2 people up for marriage.
05:45One set of people has their demands and the others are just meant to meet it.
05:49It's not a collation of ideas, it's not 2 people coming together because they like each
05:54other or anything of the sort in marriage.
05:58It's just one person's demands being met and I am absolutely not okay with that.
06:03I am a product of an arranged marriage, I am in an arranged marriage myself which did
06:09happen as a part of a set up yes but it wasn't as bad as this.
06:15You asked me about the show, the show was pretty bad but mine wasn't like that.
06:19Because in my experience, my parents knew my husband's family before and it was not
06:28so much about their demands, they were very open and they were very open to accepting
06:35my needs and my demands as well because of which it was okay but by and large in this
06:40I see that it is one party, it's either the girl or the guy who has a very strong set
06:46of demands which need to be met.
06:48It's like they have a set of tick boxes all of which need to be ticked.
06:52For love marriage, very much for love marriage because at least it gives you a chance to
06:58know the person.
06:59I know the chances of both an arranged marriage and a love marriage surviving the situations
07:06that we have now are just about the same but I would prefer an arranged marriage because
07:13at least it gives me the chance to know what I am getting into.
07:16I will never know him completely, I know that but it would have given me the chance
07:20to know what I am getting into and not feel awkward about everything else that happens
07:27in the marriage.