Liam Payne achieved pop superstardom and a legion of devoted fans, but his demons were never far away during the entirety of his tragically short life.
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00:00Liam Payne achieved pop superstardom and a legion of devoted fans,
00:05but his demons were never far away during the entirety of his tragically short life.
00:10In 2019, Payne appeared on the podcast Table Manners, during which he admitted that his
00:16life with One Direction had become a bit of a frenzy before the band split up. As he put it,
00:22"'There's no stop button. You've got no control over your life.
00:25That's why I lost complete control of everything.'"
00:28Payne was overworked and overbooked, which made him lose sight of his true passions in life,
00:34something he attempted to rediscover through therapy. As he explained,
00:38"'I remember getting to therapy and the guy was like,
00:40what do you like to do? I didn't know.'"
00:43Payne considered himself a recluse during the height of his boy band fame,
00:47and often sought out retreats to learn how to be a person
00:50after shooting to global superstardom when he was just a teenager.
00:54Looking back, he was happy that One Direction broke up, as he admitted,
00:58and needed to stop.
00:59"'It would have killed me.'"
01:01In the book Dare to Dream, Life as One Direction, Liam Payne revealed that he was born prematurely
01:08and was often sick throughout his early childhood, with doctors unable to discover
01:13any underlying condition. As he explained,
01:16"'From the age of zero to four, I was always in hospital,
01:19having tests done, but they couldn't find out what was wrong.'"
01:22Doctors ultimately determined that one of Payne's kidneys was scarred and not fully functioning.
01:28His treatments involved receiving 32 injections in his arm in the morning and the evening.
01:34He also revealed,
01:35"'I've still got both kidneys, but one doesn't work, so I have to be careful not to drink too
01:40much, even water, and I have to keep myself as healthy as possible.'"
01:45Liam Payne wasn't exactly part of the popular crowd while growing up.
01:49As he once explained to We Love Pop,
01:52"'When I was at school, I was bullied by a few people who were much older than me.
01:56I was in year 8, and they were 6th formers. I went and told my parents and my teachers,
02:01but it didn't stop, so I had to sort it out myself.'"
02:05Payne eventually took up boxing so that he could learn self-defense. As he noted,
02:09"'It gave me the confidence to know that if I needed to,
02:12I could fight back and I could stand up to anyone.'"
02:15Payne also employed an older friend of his to pose as his brother
02:19and give him rides in order to curb the bullying. As he noted,
02:23"'As soon as they saw him, it suddenly stopped.'"
02:26Payne's teenage years didn't get any easier, as he frequently found himself the victim of
02:30negative comments after he failed to make it far. When he first tried out for The X Factor in 2008,
02:37as he admitted to The Sun in 2020,
02:39"'I once went in McDonald's when I was turning 16, and I went up to order my thing,
02:44went to sit down with the girl I was with at the time,
02:47and a group of lads at the top of the stairs were like, X Factor reject.'"
02:52"'There's something not quite — it's 20 percent missing from me at the moment.'"
02:57Payne got candid about his mental health in a 2019 interview with Sunday Confidential,
03:03as he admitted that he suffered from serious bouts of depression. As he put it,
03:07"'I've had my meltdowns and different things have happened to me where I definitely wasn't okay.'"
03:12Therapy became Payne's saving grace, as he sought regular professional help to
03:17improve his mental health. He also hit the gym to deal with his demons,
03:21and kept a good circle of friends that he could count on, including his then-girlfriend,
03:25Maya Henry. In 2019, he posted a photo of the two of them on Instagram, along with the message,
03:32"'Sometimes I don't recognize this happy guy.' Sure glad you brought him back, though."
03:37Payne has also admitted that he wasn't exactly the best of friends with his former bandmates.
03:42In an interview on Sunday Brunch in 2019, he revealed,
03:46"'The thing I always describe it as is if you imagine an office, and one direction was my
03:51office. There's one person you don't really get along with, one person you don't know very much
03:57about, one person you hang out with all the time, and someone you're sort of friends with.'"
04:02In a 2019 interview with GQ, Payne explained that while bygones are bygones,
04:13when it comes to the group's past, one particular incident stuck with him for
04:17years after their breakup. As he explained,
04:20"'I think with Zayn Malik's particular exit and the way he chose to go,
04:24we haven't really heard from him since he left. He didn't even say goodbye, if I am being honest.
04:30It was a really sordid scenario, from our side certainly. A bit strange, it's difficult."
04:36Liam Payne became a dad at the age of 23 in 2017, when his son Bear was born. But fatherhood didn't
04:43exactly come naturally to him. Bear's mom is singer Cheryl Tweedy, but she and Payne split
04:48up the following year. As Payne admitted to People magazine,
04:52"'I had my son at a young age, and you think it will be a magical thing,
04:57that you're going to grow up one day into the person you're supposed to be.
05:00But it took a lot to find my footing. I figured, dad takes care of everyone,
05:05that's what he does. So my thing was to cook.'"
05:08The COVID-19 pandemic also proved a major obstacle for Payne's fatherhood journey,
05:13as lockdown forced him to take a step back. As he revealed to Tings magazine,
05:18"'It's the longest I haven't seen him in his life. But we discussed from the start,
05:22and for different reasons, me and Cheryl decided I should be away for a little bit.
05:27It's not unusual for me to be in and out of his life."
05:30Liam Payne got to experience the incredible highs of life as a pop star,
05:35but he was also going through some equally incredible lows. As he revealed on The Diary
05:40of a CEO podcast in 2021, he was often holed up in hotel rooms during tours,
05:46and he developed some unhealthy habits.
05:49"'When we were in the band, the best way to secure us because of how big it got
05:53was just lock us in our rooms. And of course, what's in the room? Minibar.'"
05:57Payne also admitted that pills and alcohol were his drugs of choice,
06:01and in his lowest moments, he even experienced suicidal thoughts.
06:05"'I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be. Where's rock bottom for me? And you would
06:09never have seen it. I'm very good at hiding it. No one would have ever seen it.'"
06:13Liam Payne attempted to combat his demons as he secretly underwent rehab for over three months
06:19in 2023, which he later revealed to his fans on YouTube.
06:24"'I just need to take a little bit of time out for myself, actually,
06:26because I kind of became somebody who I didn't really recognize anymore,
06:28and I'm sure you guys didn't either.'"
06:30Payne explained that he'd been sober for the last six months,
06:33and that his son had helped him put things into perspective, as he admitted,
06:38There's no point trying to be a dad when you've nothing to teach.
06:42"'I don't think up until this point I really had much to
06:46say to him other than just caring for him deeply and loving him very deeply,
06:49which is obviously the most important thing.'"
06:51Payne's decision to enter rehab was also inspired by his interview with YouTuber Logan Paul,
06:56in which he made several shocking claims, like Simon Cowell promising him a solo career back in
07:022010. He also alluded to a time that Zayn Malik shoved him against a wall, and criticized Malik's
07:08former girlfriend, Gigi Hadid, for calling Malik a respectful man. But Payne eventually
07:14recognized the negative energy that he was putting out.
07:17"'For me, a lot of what I just said just came from the wrong place. I was so angry at what
07:21was going on around me, and instead of taking a look inwards, I decided to look outwards
07:24at everybody else.'"
07:26Despite his efforts to get better, Liam Payne couldn't escape his demons forever,
07:31as he tragically died on October 16, 2024, after falling from his hotel room in Buenos Aires,
07:38Argentina. He was only 31. He'd been staying there along with his girlfriend, Kate Cassidy,
07:44although she had left a few days before him. Not long before he died, he'd been carried back to
07:49his hotel room by security after displaying frantic behavior in the lobby. The Sun obtained
07:55photos from inside Payne's suite that show a frenzied scene that included a smashed TV set,
08:01a leftover champagne glass, and evidence of white powder and scraps of burned aluminum foil.
08:07The news of Payne's death came just days after he posted a dramatically different scene
08:12on his Snapchat, alongside Cassidy that showed off their carefree vacation.
08:16He was also seen earlier in the month enjoying his former bandmate, Niall Horan's concert. The
08:22two reunited backstage and posted a selfie to Snapchat, along with a red heart emoji.
08:28News of Payne's death rocked the world, with many heartfelt tributes pouring in from his family and
08:33fellow artists. His former One Direction mates posted a statement on Instagram that said,
08:38"...we are completely devastated by the news of Liam's passing. In time, and when everyone is
08:43able to, there will be more to say, but for now we will take some time to grieve and process the
08:49loss of our brother, who we loved dearly. The memories we shared with him will be treasured
08:53forever." If you or anyone you know needs help with suicidal thoughts,
08:58please call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.