Girl, if you were a video game, I would never use the cheat codes. Ok, we can all agree that pickup lines are next level cringe and are best to stay away from altogether. However, some of the characters in our favorite games did not get that memo and are ready to drop some pretty terrible lines for a shot at love (or a hook up). The upside is that watching our playable characters humiliate themselves with a cheesy pickup line can be just as amusing as watching it happen in real life. Join us as we go through some embarrassingly bad pickup lines in video games.
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00:00Even video game characters need love, which means, like us poor human schmucks, they're
00:05not always safe from the humiliation of a failed pickup line, either.
00:09Here are some of the worst pickup lines in the history of gaming.
00:12Back in 2013, developer Gearbox Software released a promotional short film about Krieg the Psycho,
00:18a playable character in Borderlands 2 who doesn't seem to be the smartest or sanest.
00:23The film dives into the inner workings of Krieg's head, which is actually filled with
00:27coherent and fully processed thoughts.
00:30Unfortunately, the only words that make it out of his mouth are about meat bicycles and
00:34poop.
00:35You still can't hear me, can you?
00:36A little voice in your head trying to remind you of a time when we could go hours, days
00:41even, without screaming about our desire to ride bicycles made of meat.
00:45Krieg walks along the desert and sees a beautiful woman in the distance.
00:49His coherent consciousness begs him to say something — about her beauty — or say
00:53something romantic.
00:55What all Krieg manages to scream is,
00:57"...I'm the conductor of the poop train!"
01:00Oof.
01:01All that does is make her want to shoot him.
01:03Later, Krieg saves the woman from being killed by bandits, and again his conscious urges
01:07him to say something kind.
01:09All he comes up with is,
01:11"...I powdered my cockatiel for the ribcage slaughter!"
01:15At least he tried.
01:16Grand Theft Auto V's Trevor Phillips is quite the character.
01:20The career criminal is known for aggressively insulting most people he meets and making
01:24unwanted passes at women.
01:26In one particular scene alongside his partners Franklin Clinton and Michael DeSanta, he flirts
01:31with Franklin's aunt.
01:32DeSanta and Clinton discuss something outside of Aunt Denise's home, until Trevor walks
01:37up and comments that he didn't know Franklin had a sister.
01:40Charmed, Denise introduces herself.
01:42When Franklin makes a snide comment about his aunt, Trevor tells him to shut up and
01:46hands Denise a handful of cash.
01:48Here.
01:49Darling.
01:50Why don't you go get yourself something nice.
01:54Denise thanks him and counts the money, realizing that Trevor only handed her a whopping seven
01:58dollars.
01:59I said something nice.
02:01Not expensive.
02:02You want to be a greedy f----- cow?
02:03Huh?
02:04No.
02:05Now get the f---- out of here.
02:06Well, that ruined the moment, but come on.
02:08It's Trevor.
02:09That's basically his thing.
02:10Wrong place, wrong time.
02:12During King Bran's funeral in The Witcher 3, when the King of the Skellige Isle's body
02:16is sent off to sea for his final voyage to be met by the island's ancestors, legendary
02:20witcher Geralt begins flirting with the sorceress Yennefer.
02:24But as she stands beside him listening to the eulogy, Geralt tells Yennefer that she
02:28smells wonderful.
02:29She initially shrugs off the comments by reminding Geralt that they're at a funeral.
02:34You smell wonderful at this funeral.
02:36Geralt continues on to say that he wants to run away with Yennefer to a secluded cottage
02:40for a week, which grabs her attention.
02:42She flirts back, looking away and asking,
02:44What would we do there for a week?
02:48Got so many ideas.
02:50The one with the rope you use for trophies, that one seems interesting.
02:55Hey, hey, hey, cool it, you two.
02:56A funeral is not the most appropriate place to be flirting, but at least it worked.
03:02As part of the lighthearted Citadel DLC for Mass Effect 3, customizable character Commander
03:07Shepard tries to help his Turian teammate Garrus find a date at a bar for his day off
03:11work.
03:12All Garrus knows is work, so he doesn't quite know how to charm a woman.
03:16Shepard introduces him to another Turian across the bar, but all he can muster up at first
03:21is,
03:22So, um, hello, and, hmm.
03:29Basically, he's not off to a great start.
03:32Garrus then tries to tell the woman about the time he had to take down a horde of mercenaries
03:36and ended up with scars.
03:38The woman's reply?
03:39I see.
03:41Maybe there's an ointment for that?
03:43Oof, Garrus is zero for two.
03:45The final nail in the coffin comes when Garrus says,
03:47What do you say we blow this joint?
03:50I've got this big gun back at my place, I'd like to show you.
03:55Even Shepard knew that was a bad one as they shaked their head in the background.
03:58Needless to say, Garrus spent that night alone.
04:01There's that wrong place, wrong time again.
04:03In the opening of Metal Gear Solid, Snake heads to a nuclear weapons disposal facility,
04:07where he is tasked with rescuing two hostages taken by members of Next Generation Special
04:12Forces.
04:13During his mission, Snake maintains communication with his commanding colonel, as well as a
04:17doctor known as Naomi and data-protesting specialist Mei Ling.
04:21As Snake enters his mission, the colonel reminds him that he is unarmed and will need to search
04:26for weapons.
04:27To this, Snake grumpily replies,
04:28I remember.
04:29First, I'm strip-searched by Dr. Naomi here, and then all my weapons are taken away.
04:35Imagine yourself put in that position.
04:37Things get a little raunchy when Dr. Naomi then says,
04:40Well, if you make it back in one piece, maybe I'll let you do a strip-search on me.
04:45Flirting with an ally right in front of your colonel probably isn't wise.
04:48Plus, the flirty line didn't really fit the scene's atmosphere, although dissonance like
04:52that is kind of Metal Gear Solid creator Hideo Kojima's whole deal.
04:59Hello, Okina Station!
05:01In Persona 4 Golden, protagonist Yu Narukami and classmates Yosuke and Kanji meet at Okina
05:06Station, where they end up in a pickup contest.
05:09Yu, that's the player, tries his luck with just about any woman at the station he comes
05:13across, and even talks up a male police officer.
05:16At one point, Yu tries to pick up a pair of older housewives.
05:19Yu's first approach is pretty straightforward.
05:22I'm hitting on you guys.
05:23Um, well, at least he's honest, but that's not quite a groundbreaking pickup line.
05:27The line doesn't work and only causes the housewives to reminisce about their younger
05:30days and flirting with their own high school mates.
05:33He does not succeed in getting their phone numbers.
05:35The other dialogue option here is, quote, can I get yo' numbers?
05:39This is also quite a direct approach, but alas, it yields the same results.
05:43At least Kanji has some luck.
05:44Eh, sort of.
05:46A girl hit on you?
05:47What did she say?
05:48Something like, it only cost him so much for an hour?
05:51I don't know, what was she talking about?