Character comedian Kylie Brakeman teaches an acting masterclass as Linda Hollywood, a problematic, old school talent age | dG1feS1KbzVXWjl0Y2M
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Now, if you don't mind, I'd actually like to scout for talent in the audience really quickly.
00:05So let me just see who's here.
00:07Let me see, um, talent, no talent, talent, no talent, talent, virgin, no talent, talent.
00:19You, sir, you look like you have talent.
00:20Would you come up with me? Give it up for him!
00:22Yes, yes, come right this way.
00:26Come right up these stairs, sir.
00:29Wonderful. Take this microphone and head to the center of the stage.
00:33Okay, now, sir, what is your name?
00:38Josh.
00:39Josh! Give it up for Josh one more time!
00:41Now, Josh, we're going to get you all set up to succeed.
00:48Now, the first thing we have to get you is a stage name.
00:51Something catchy for people to remember you by.
00:53And, you know, lots of celebrities have changed their names to be more appealing.
00:57You know, Billy Joel's name used to be William Toilet.
01:02Bono used to be Bonneria.
01:06And Anya Taylor-Joy's name was simply Milk.
01:10So, Josh, that's a lovely name, but I think we can spice it up.
01:14Your name is now Joshy Washy the Grand Slam Kid.
01:20So be sure to update your IMDB accordingly, right?
01:24Okay, now we're going to do a little self-tape, okay?
01:28There is a great Tostitos commercial that is casting right now.
01:32Josh, do you like Tostitos?
01:34Yeah, I guess so.
01:35Okay, then you're halfway there.
01:38Okay, so you're going to read the highlighted lines.
01:41I'll read the other lines offstage as your reader, okay?
01:45Are you feeling good?
01:46Yeah.
01:47Okay, give it up for Josh one more time!
01:50Okay.
01:54Ready and action.
01:57Honey, did you eat all the Tostitos again?
02:00No, I think that was the dog.
02:02Oh, cut the fucking lies, Henry.
02:05I know it was you, and I think I know why.
02:08It's to soak up all that booze you've been drinking, isn't it?
02:11Oh, you think I don't know?
02:13Coming home smelling like Jack Daniels at 3 a.m.?
02:15You've been with her again, haven't you?
02:17You've been with that floozy?
02:19That's right.
02:20She's not just your secretary, Henry.
02:22She's your whore.
02:25You think I'm foolish?
02:26You think I'm hysterical?
02:27Well, maybe I am, Henry, because you've driven me to the brink.
02:30I'm going to do it this time.
02:31I'm going to take the pills.
02:35Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
02:38Tostitos, bring the party.
02:40Wow!
02:42Absolutely incredible!
02:47Josh, that was so good that you're getting a call back, okay?
02:51Sweet.
02:52Similar commercial, slightly different lines,
02:55so we're going to keep that energy alive, ready, and action.
03:01Wow.
03:02How does Tostitos' hint of lime pack so much flavor into a single bite?
03:06They have a team of flavor scientists.
03:08Really?
03:09Of course not, you fool!
03:12So easily tricked.
03:15Look at you.
03:16Pathetic.
03:17Everything you do is stupid.
03:21No wonder Myers hasn't promoted you at work.
03:23You can't sell copy paper to save your fucking life.
03:27Why do you mooch off my father instead of providing for me?
03:30I'll tell you why.
03:31Because you're not a man.
03:32You're a worm.
03:35Now, what do you have to say for yourself?
03:38Tostitos, bring the party.
03:39Yes!
03:40Incredible job!
03:42So good you're getting a final call back, okay?
03:47This is for all the marbles.
03:50And action.
03:52Did you know that Tostitos now comes in sweet chili flavor?
03:56Wait, what did you say?
03:58It's true.
03:59Same great ship, brand new taste.
04:01No, I meant what did you say to your whore last night while I was raising our son?
04:05I don't care anymore, Henry.
04:07I'm tired of this.
04:08Tired of all of this.
04:10You can take this ring back, along with all the other promises you made.
04:14I'm through.
04:15Wait, what are you doing with that gun?
04:18Henry!
04:19No, no, no!
04:20Henry, please don't do it!
04:22Ah!
04:23Ah!
04:24You shot me, you bastard!
04:27I'll see you in hell!
04:30Tostitos, bring the party.
04:32Yes!
04:33Wow!
04:34Incredible!