Who would have ever thought that behind the jokes and pranks is a past filled with shame and regret?
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00:00It shifted my entire focus and my life.
00:08We heard sirens behind us, so it had just happened.
00:12Nobody was there yet, you know.
00:14In an instant, she just was gone.
00:27I was living with so much shame.
00:30I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor, and the apartment
00:36was infested with fleas.
00:50She was trying to get me to come back home.
00:52I acted like I couldn't hear her because the music was too loud.
00:55I was being really just dismissive of her.
00:59She had left before us, and as we were driving home, we saw a car, and it was split in two.
01:08We heard sirens behind us, so it had just happened.
01:12Nobody was there yet, and we just kept going.
01:16I found out the next morning that it was her in the car.
01:24That made me realize how fragile and how easily you can lose somebody.
01:35I just picked up a pen, and there were no, like, scratch out, start over.
01:40It just was written.
01:41It just, the whole thing came out, the whole conversation, the whole phone call.
01:45I said, I'm going to do this on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, at the time he was
01:49the king, and I'm going to be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over
01:53to sit down.
01:54Would you welcome Ellen DeGeneres.
01:55Ellen.
01:56To me, life is very precious.
01:57It's very special.
01:58We're here for such a short time.
01:59Wouldn't it be great if we could just pick up the phone and call up God and ask him these
02:00things?
02:01Yeah.
02:02Hi, God.
02:03This is Ellen.
02:04Hold on.
02:05Somebody's at the gate.
02:06Why do I have to be so ashamed?
02:25I mean, why can't I just say the truth?
02:27I mean, be who I am.
02:28I'm 35 years old.
02:29I thought that it was time for me to say I'm fine with who I am.
02:37I feel good about me.
02:38I'm not ashamed of who I am.
02:46I'm gay.
02:47I'm gay.
02:48I'm gay.
02:49I'm gay.
02:50I'm gay.
02:51I'm gay.
02:52I'm gay.
02:53I'm gay.
02:54I'm gay.
02:55I'm gay.
02:56I'm gay.
02:57I'm gay.
02:58I'm gay.
02:59I'm gay.
03:00I'm gay.
03:01I'm gay.
03:02I'm gay.
03:03I'm gay.
03:04I'm gay.
03:05Do you want to know I'm straight?
03:06I'm not out on the cover saying, yep, I'm straight.
03:07Nobody wants to know.
03:08Nobody cares.
03:09Why?
03:10Why?
03:11Because you don't have to fight for anyone to embrace you.
03:12The phone didn't ring for three years.
03:13I had no offers.
03:14Nobody wanted to touch me at all.
03:17The phone didn't ring for three years.
03:23I had no offers, nobody wanted to touch me at all.
03:33I remember the first letter I got where somebody said I saved their life, that they were going
03:37to kill themselves and that they didn't because of what I did.
04:06We can't let intolerance and ignorance take another kid's life.
04:10And I want anyone out there who feels different and alone to know that I know how you feel.
04:17Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.