Happy couples can benefit from implementing nighttime routines before going to bed. Here are some tried and true bedtime rituals that couples employ to keep their relationships in great shape. But it is important to remember that building successful routines takes time.
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00:00Happy couples can benefit from implementing nighttime routines before going to bed.
00:05Here are some tried-and-true bedtime rituals that couples employ to keep their relationships
00:10in great shape.
00:11But it is important to remember that building successful routines takes time.
00:17Many people are addicted to smartphones, so many, in fact, that it's considered an epidemic.
00:22Whether we're scrolling through feeds or looking at emails, smartphones aren't conducive to
00:26sleep for many reasons.
00:28According to Sleep.org, the light emitted from the screen suppresses the production
00:33of melatonin, a helpful component to a good night's rest.
00:37Cellphones can also wake us up with alerts throughout the night.
00:40In addition to disrupting our sleep, cell phones also cause us to lose quality time
00:45with our loved ones.
00:46One study from Baylor University's Handkammer School of Business set out to determine the
00:51effect of fubbing, or partner phone snubbing, on relationships.
00:55According to James A. Roberts, Ph.D., what we discovered was that when someone perceived
01:00that their partner fubbed them, this created conflict and led to lower levels of reported
01:05relationship satisfaction.
01:07This in turn could lead to personal life dissatisfaction and even depression.
01:12Researchers found that fubbing someone makes them start to feel a bit insecure and excluded."
01:18While it's inevitable for conflict to arise in relationships, even for a generally happy
01:24some experts think it's best not to go to bed angry.
01:27Marsha Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author, told HuffPost,
01:31"...do your best to clear up issues well before bedtime, so when you're ready to turn in for
01:36the night, you'll both want to communicate lovingly in words, tone, and actions."
01:41Psychologist and dating coach Samantha Rodman told HuffPost,
01:45"...when you have a good night's sleep, you can much more easily see your partner's position
01:49and empathize, which means that making up is finally possible."
01:53Whether you clear the air before going to bed or cool things until the morning, it may
01:58be best to keep those conversations away from bedtime.
02:01Some couples like to sleep entangled in an embrace, even if spooning all night isn't
02:07your thing.
02:08"...Oh, honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, because we're cuddly sleepers."
02:14Many happy couples find that a little bit of cuddling right before going to bed can
02:18go a long way towards a happy relationship, since on an evolutionary level, humans crave
02:23physical intimacy and touch.
02:26Neuroscientist Paul Zak told Vice,
02:28"...cuddling induces the brain to produce a chemical called oxytocin.
02:32This relaxes us, makes us feel safe around others, and increases our empathic abilities."
02:38This can help deepen the relationship and connection between partners.
02:42Oxytocin has even earned the nickname the cuddle hormone.
02:46According to Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and published sex expert,
02:51there is a danger in refraining from cuddling or non-sexual touch.
02:55She wrote for Psychology Today,
02:57"...avoiding all those other non-sexual touches makes couples less likely to feel sexual desire
03:02because they don't feel physically close to their partner.
03:05A vicious cycle."
03:07Cuddling is clearly a super important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship with
03:11a romantic partner.
03:13Whatever your preferred method is to wind down at night, it is helpful in the quest
03:17for happy coupledom to have a routine that you perform alongside your partner before
03:22going to bed.
03:24Psychologist Nicole Martinez told Bustle,
03:25"...I have had countless couples and individuals speak with me that they think the breakdown
03:30of their evening routine was the start of a lack of intimacy in their relationship."
03:34Luckily, there are relatively easy ways to set up a routine that works for both partners.
03:39A routine doesn't even have to involve intricate rituals.
03:43Simply saying those three important words can be part of the wind-down.
03:48Psychologist Bobby Wagner explained to Bustle,
03:50"...a vital nighttime routine is to say I love you no matter what."
03:55We know that televisions can disrupt sleep, but many people claim that they cannot sleep
04:00without the noises of a TV.
04:02When you consider the factor that shows and movies can disrupt intimacy between partners,
04:06it becomes clear we've got ourselves a real conundrum.
04:10That's why it is important for couples to agree on whether or not they are a TV-in-the-bedroom
04:14kind of couple.
04:15On one hand, it can be intimate for a happy couple to cuddle up and watch a favorite movie
04:20before going to bed.
04:21On the other hand, however, it can be isolating if only one partner is into it.
04:26There are also theories that a television-in-the-bedroom leads to less conversation.
04:31Communication is one of the most important factors when it comes to relationships, so
04:35it's no surprise that happy couples find themselves chattering away to each other as they get
04:40ready to hit the hay.
04:42It doesn't have to be anything profound to qualify as helpful.
04:45Your eyes were the first thing I noticed when I met you, so why would I want anything different?"
04:51Are you trying to have sex with me?
04:52I am."
04:54Sometimes talking about the mundane before going to bed is just as meaningful as discussing
04:58long-term life plans or philosophical views, says relationship expert Robert Weiss.
05:03It can just be a little bit of inane chatter about the latest TV show, or office gossip,
05:08or whatever.
05:09The simple act of talking and showing interest in each other is an affirmation of the relationship.
05:15The conversation can also be of a more intimate nature, which he says helps them build trust
05:20with each other and to feel safe and connected.
05:23Who doesn't love fresh sheets and a clean, airy bedroom?
05:26According to a study published by the National Sleep Foundation, about 78 percent of respondents
05:32said they were more excited to go to sleep in fresh-smelling sheets.
05:35Additionally, 66 percent of respondents reported a clean bedroom as a key element to getting
05:41good rest.
05:42Many happy couples find that sleeping in a tidy, well-kept room helps with a feeling
05:46of satisfaction and calm before bed, which makes for a more satisfying relationship.
05:52The act of routinely tidying up before going to bed can also bring couples together.
05:57Clutter can be anxiety-inducing, and actively removing unnecessary items from the bedroom
06:02can provide immediate relief.
06:04In fact, Eileen Rosen, M.D., a sleep medicine certified physician at Penn Medicine, told
06:09Good Housekeeping,
06:10"...the bed should be a place where you sleep and have sex and nothing else.
06:15All of the distractors in your room, and certainly in your bed, should be cleared out."
06:20Disconnecting from work is really important, especially for happy couples in the quest
06:24for good, restful sleep.
06:26If you think about it, responding to a midnight work email from your boss is completely disruptive
06:31to your sleep and to your relationship.
06:34Time reported on a study regarding work emails and their effects on spouses.
06:38The study suggested that being on call 24-7 not only negatively influenced the mental
06:43health of the employee, but also had a spillover effect on the employee's significant other.
06:49Leaving the phones and computers outside of the bedroom can definitely improve the situation,
06:54but it is helpful to avoid conversations about work in general when winding down before going
06:59to bed.
07:00We know a joint routine can be a great way for a happy couple to wind down and prepare
07:05for sleep.
07:06It is also extremely beneficial if couples can time their bedtimes to coincide with one
07:10another's.
07:11For some couples, this is impossible due to work and life schedules.
07:15But generally speaking, when it is possible, a consistent and parallel bedtime is a helpful
07:20habit in making steps towards a successful relationship.
07:24Author Laura Vanderkam told Business Insider,
07:27"...I realize not everyone can go to bed at the same time as his or her partner, but if
07:31you can, it's a great way to connect and talk about your days."
07:36Couples that go to bed at the same time also run less of a chance of disrupting the other
07:40sleep patterns when they crawl in or out of bed.
07:44Making food together is a great way to connect to a partner before bed.
07:47It allows for bonding time as part of a nightly routine that can bring couples closer as they
07:52work together.
07:54Communicating about the process of making food can highlight skills and allow couples
07:58to learn from one another and alongside each other.
08:01And as a bonus, cooking at home has been known to save money.
08:05One study from Cornell University showed that couples who took an egalitarian approach to
08:09housework had happier love lives.
08:12So it seems like a no-brainer that if couples share the workload of making dinner together,
08:16they have better intimacy.
08:18That's probably enough to convince people to cook dinner with their significant others
08:22every night.
08:23And the further reward of eating the dinner together offers the chance for a happy couple
08:27to have a quiet time to chat and reflect on the day.
08:31We know cuddling can be a great way to build connection to one's partner.
08:36Massages take this to the next level.
08:38Taking time in the evening to help each other with aches and pains and to relieve the stress
08:42of the day can have some seriously helpful results, not only for the individual's comfort,
08:48but also to help support a deep connection between them.
08:51Massage therapist Geraldine Abergast told Bustle,
08:54Touch is a way to communicate more honestly, as our words can often be influenced or limited.
08:59But with touch, the intention is clear.
09:02Setting the mood with essential oils, the right relaxing music, and a tidy bedroom can
09:07be helpful when happy couples give a stress-relieving massage to each other before going to bed.
09:12Regarding a couple's massage study, Northumbria University lead researcher Sayuri Naruse stated,
09:18These findings show that massage can be a simple and effective way for couples to improve
09:22their physical and mental well-being whilst showing affection for one another.
09:27It may go without saying, but happy couples generally are connecting sexually.
09:32Getting it on right before going to bed can be an impactful way to deepen emotional relationships
09:37and to help get a great night's sleep, so ensuring you take time to fit in that intimacy
09:42before getting too sleepy is important.
09:45Relationship expert and author April Mussini told Bustle,
09:49Having sex before bed is a great way to have a good sleep and create the kind of connection
09:53with your partner that long-term, committed relationships thrive on.
09:57Couples can get into bedtime routines that negate this type of intimacy, especially when
10:02there are outside stress factors.
10:04So even if couples can only manage a quickie, it is important for partners to check in with
10:08each other before sleeping.
10:11Since physical intimacy releases dopamine and oxytocin, partners can get a rush that
10:15aids in sleep and the feeling of deep connection.
10:19While rigorous exercise right before bed is known to negatively impact the quality of
10:23sleep people can get, a gentle stroll with a loved one in the hours before bed can do
10:28wonders when it comes to creating a healthy relationship.
10:31Fresh air and post-dinner movement offer an opportunity for connection.
10:36And taking a technology-free breather away from the home and checking out the neighborhood
10:40lends a fresh perspective and offers the opportunity for intimate conversations.
10:45Additionally, holding hands and keeping pace with each other can offer an intimate physical
10:50connection.
10:51This activity could be as simple as a 10-minute circle around the block before going to bed,
10:56but those quiet moments can do wonders for a happy couple's intimacy.
11:00We hold our kids and our pets in the utmost regard, but unfortunately, they can wreak
11:06havoc on sleep patterns as well as a couple's ability to be intimate, and not just physically.
11:12While there are conflicting reports, it does seem that predominantly happy couples kick
11:16the pets and the kids out of the bedroom before going to bed.
11:20According to John Shepard, the lead researcher on a Mayo Clinic study that examined the effect
11:24a pet's presence had on an owner's sleep found, of the pet owners, 53 percent considered their
11:30sleep to be disrupted to some extent every night.
11:33But he also stated that it's a personal decision for each household whether to have pets in
11:37bed.
11:38Same goes for sleeping with kiddos.
11:40Co-sleeping with children is a controversial topic and is definitely a decision to be made
11:45by each parent, but sleep quality and partner relationships just may suffer if kids sleep
11:51in the same space.