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00:00Bernadette Peters? Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Peters.
00:04Thanks, Scooter, and thank the Swedish chef for sending in this lovely chicken sandwich.
00:15Suddenly I'm not hungry.
00:20It's the Muppet Show with our special guest star, Miss Bernadette Peters!
00:30It's time to play the music! It's time to light the light!
00:42It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!
00:46It's time to put on makeup! It's time to dress up right!
00:50It's time to get things started!
00:53No, please don't make me watch it!
00:55It's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational!
01:01This is what we call the Muppet Show!
01:14Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you! Right, and welcome again to the Muppet Show!
01:19Hey, we have a wonderful show for you tonight because our guest star is one of the all-time,
01:23multi-talented, beautiful ladies of the world, Miss Bernadette Peters!
01:29Okay, but first of all, first of all, we've got an opening number which features me.
01:33I do sing and dance occasionally, so you'll know I'm not just another pretty face.
01:38Er, Kenny, my love, about the opening number, it is a duet.
01:44That's true.
01:45I wish you told me earlier. I don't have time to learn the lyrics.
01:50Oh, that's okay. I'm doing it with Miss Mousy.
01:54Miss Mousy?
01:56Miss Mousy!
02:03How could you believe me when I said I love you, when you know I've been a liar all my life?
02:08You've had that reputation since you were a youth. I must have been insane to think that you'd tell the truth.
02:14But how could you believe me when I said we'd marry, when you know I'd rather hang than have a wife?
02:20I knew you said I'll make you mine.
02:23But who would know that you would go for that old lie?
02:26How could you believe me when I said I love you, when you know I've been a liar?
02:31Nothing but a liar.
02:34All my doggone cheating life.
02:37You said that you would love me long, never would do me wrong.
02:48Maybe you must be loony to trust a lower-than-low-to-timer like me.
02:55You said that I'd have everything, a beautiful diamond ring, a bungalow by the sea.
03:07You're really naive to ever believe a full-of-baloney phony like me.
03:14Say, how about the time you went to Indiana?
03:17I was lying, I was down in Alabama.
03:20You said you had some business you had to complete.
03:23What I was doing, I would be a cad to repeat.
03:26Well, what about the evenings you were with your mother?
03:29I was romping with another honey flam.
03:32To think you swore our love was real.
03:35But baby, let us not forget that I'm a heel.
03:38How could you believe me when I said I love you, when you know I've been a liar?
03:43Nothing but a liar.
03:46All my doggone no-good, good-for-nothing life.
03:57Oh, that's terrible. I hated it.
04:00Really? I kind of liked it.
04:02Well, the pig doesn't have you in a hammerlock.
04:04Boo! Boo! Boo!
04:07Let's see if I've got it right now.
04:10Uncle Kermit, despite my small size and diminutive stat...
04:15Okay, hey, listen. Big Monster's on stage for the Bernadette Peters number.
04:18Come on, you guys. Move it, move it, move it, move it, move it.
04:21Come on, move it, move it.
04:22Dad, you almost stepped on me.
04:24Oh, come on now. You can't go on stage looking like that.
04:27Now, get back out there. You've got to brush your hair.
04:29Come on. Bernadette Peters is a big star.
04:31You've got to clean up. Clean up. Come on, come on. We don't have much time.
04:35Oh, nobody ever notices me.
04:40Uncle Kermit?
04:42Okay, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
04:44The number's about to start. Get on stage. Get on stage.
04:47I'm going to attract you wherever I go, and I want a feature point in the show.
04:50Oh, rats.
04:54And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of the loveliest ladies in all of show business...
04:58Kermit, you're not bringing that Miss Mousy back, are you?
05:01No, this is our guest star, Bernadette Peters.
05:03Well, you're not singing with her, are you?
05:05No, no, no. She's working with some of our big, ugly, shaggy beasts.
05:08Sounds like Miss Mousy to me.
05:10You get out of here.
05:11Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Miss Bernadette Peters.
05:29Take a little one step, two step, three step
05:33Come a little closer, please
05:36Like a rose that glows in every breeze
05:43Take a little one step, two step, three step
05:46Then a little dip like this
05:49Here's a step we can't afford to miss
05:55We can't afford to miss
05:58And then you glide and you slide
06:02Keeping close to my side
06:06Oh, boy, let's go, boy
06:09That music tickling every tongue, boy
06:12Take a little kick, go wide in three step
06:15Then a little one step, two step, three step
06:18Every little step means I love you
06:25Take a little kick, go wide in three step
06:28Then a little dip like this
06:31Here's a step we can't afford to miss
06:34We can't afford to miss
06:37And then you glide and you slide
06:40Keeping close to my side
06:43Oh, boy, let's go, boy
06:46That music tickling every tongue, boy
06:49Take a little kick, go wide in three step
06:53And then you glide and you slide
06:58Keeping close to my side
07:01Boy, close to my side, thank you very much
07:05Oh, boy, let's go, boy
07:08That music tickling every tongue, boy
07:11Take a little kick, go wide in three step
07:14Then a little one step, two step, three step
07:17Every little step means I love you
07:21Every little step means I love you
07:24Every little step means I love you
07:36Oh, wonderful, wonderful. That Bernadette Peters is terrific.
07:39Well, I reserve judgment.
07:41Till when?
07:42Till the pig tells me what to say.
07:45Bernadette Peters, you can like.
07:47I loved her, loved her.
07:49It's the mouse you're gonna hate.
07:51I hated her.
07:52Where was the mouse?
07:53Uh, rotten.
07:54Who?
07:55Who?
07:56Oh, gee, I'm so small, they don't even see me most of the time.
08:01And then when they do, they don't think I can do anything right.
08:06Well, I'll show them. I'm running away.
08:09The next time they turn around and don't see me, I'll be gone.
08:14Oh, then they'll see I can do something right.
08:17Who?
08:19Oh, rats.
08:22And now, Veterinarians Hospital.
08:25The continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
08:31Testing, one, two, three.
08:33Oh, here, Dr. Bob, here's your next patient.
08:37Hey, this is just a shoe. What happened to the rest of him?
08:39Maybe he got cold feet.
08:42Well, let's see what's wrong with him.
08:44Aha! It's an eight and a half triple D.
08:47Eight and a half triple D?
08:49That's about the size of it.
08:52Dr. Bob, what are you going to start on?
08:55The shoestring. A lot of people start on a shoestring.
08:57What do you think, Dr. Bob?
08:59Simple. It's arsenic poisoning.
09:01Arsenic?
09:02Sure. Just look at this old lace.
09:04Arsenic and old lace?
09:07Dr. Bob, Dr. Bob, that's an old joke.
09:09Well, that's an old shoe.
09:11Well, that's an old joke.
09:14Dr. Bob, aren't you going to examine the patient?
09:17Yes. Hey, shoe, stick out your tongue and say, ah.
09:24Dr. Bob, that tongue has a coat on it.
09:26Of course. It's cold outside.
09:28How do you know?
09:29Oh, the leather outside is frightful.
09:34Dr. Bob, you're not going to sing a song now, are you?
09:37Why not? There's no business like shoe business.
09:41So, once again, Dr. Bob is barking up the wrong shoe tree.
09:47Tune in next time when we'll hear Nurse Piggy, Nurse Janice and Dr. Bob sing...
09:52He'll Never Walk Away.
10:00We'll be right back with more...
10:02The desert wild and free
10:07He's the broad cheek of Araby
10:19Under the shadow of the palms
10:25I sing to call him to my arms
10:31I'm the broad cheek of Araby
10:38Your love comes to me
10:44At night when you're asleep
10:50Into your tent I'll creep
10:54Into your tent I'll creep
10:57The stars that shine above
11:03Provide a way to love
11:09You'll rule this land with me
11:15The cheek of Araby
11:24You'll rule this land with me
11:30The cheek of Araby
11:55Ladies and gentlemen, I, Sam the Eagle, will now read a fable
12:02which should serve as a moral lesson to us all.
12:07Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper.
12:13It was warm and sunny where they lived,
12:17but the ant worked day and night,
12:21day and night, from dawn to dusk,
12:25storing food for the long, hard winter he knew would come.
12:30Ah, toil and labor, work and strife are all that matter in this life.
12:36Oh, the ant is a wonderful character.
12:40But meanwhile, the lazy, pleasure-loving grasshopper
12:45sang and danced with appalling abandon.
12:49Winter will fall and snow will come, but now it's time to have some fun.
12:54Shocking, shocking.
12:57And eventually, just as expected, winter came.
13:03Very nice.
13:05And then it was, dear listeners,
13:11that the grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida and the ant got stepped on.
13:16What?
13:19Oh, shit.
13:21Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:23That was not in the script. Someone changed it.
13:26We'll have to do it again.
13:29The grasshopper drove to Florida.
13:31The ant got stepped on.
13:34Will you stop that?
13:37Why are they picking on us tonight?
13:44Hello, Miss Peters.
13:46Oh, hello, Robin. I didn't see you.
13:48Eh, most people don't.
13:50Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to stop and say goodbye.
13:54Oh, you're running away from home? How come?
13:57Well, because nobody notices me around here.
14:00Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.
14:02See? I mean, no one cares about a six-ounce frog.
14:07Robin, you've got to believe in yourself.
14:12If just one person believed in you,
14:15deep enough and strong enough,
14:18believed in you,
14:20hard enough and long enough,
14:24before you knew it,
14:27someone else would think,
14:30if he can do it, I can do it.
14:35Making it two whole people
14:40who believe in you,
14:43deep enough and strong enough,
14:46believe in you,
14:49hard enough and long enough,
14:52there's bound to be some other person
14:57who believes in making it a threesome.
15:03Making it three
15:10people you can say
15:14believe in me.
15:21And if three whole people,
15:24why not four?
15:27And if four whole people,
15:30why not more?
15:33And more?
15:36And more?
15:42And when all those people
15:45believe in you,
15:48deep enough and strong enough,
15:51believe in you,
15:54hard enough and long enough,
15:57it stands to reason,
16:00you yourself might start to see
16:02what everybody sees in you.
16:11And maybe even you
16:16can believe in you too.
16:28Hi, Uncle Kermit.
16:30Oh, hi there, Robin.
16:31You look just great
16:32after talking to Bernadette.
16:34Good.
16:35Yeah, say, listen,
16:36can I do a song on the show tonight?
16:38Oh, funny you should mention it, Robin.
16:40You know, I was just thinking
16:41the same thing.
16:42Oh, boy.
16:43I've got an idea.
16:45Curtain opens.
16:46What?
16:47Curtain opens.
16:48Curtain opens.
16:49Curtain opens.
16:50Curtain opens.
16:51Curtain opens.
16:52Curtain opens.
16:53Curtain opens.
16:54Curtain opens.
16:55Curtain opens.
16:56Curtain opens.
16:57And I'm standing there
16:58in a spotlight.
16:59Mm-hmm.
17:00The music swells,
17:01and I sing,
17:02A way out here
17:04they've got a name.
17:06No, no, no, no, no, no.
17:07They call the wind Mariah?
17:08Yeah, great, huh?
17:09Oh, Robin, that's ridiculous.
17:10No, no, no, listen.
17:11I have a cute little song here
17:12that's much more fitting
17:13to a froggier age.
17:14It's called I'm Five.
17:17It's called cute and yucky.
17:20I don't want to do it.
17:21Okay, forget it.
17:23Oh, hey, is that any way
17:24to treat a performer?
17:26I'm going to get an agent.
17:27I'm going to get a lawyer.
17:29I'm going to get your father.
17:32I'm going to get right out
17:34and learn this cute little song.
17:38I thought he'd see it my way.
17:41Welcome again to Muppet Labs
17:42where the future is being made today.
17:45Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here
17:47with news to set you a quiver.
17:49Beaker, Beaker dear lad,
17:51come over here.
17:53Oh, Beaker, you forgot the beaker.
17:56Now get the beaker, Beaker.
17:59Come on.
18:00You are about to see the first sample
18:02ever isolated of the new element Bunsonium
18:05contained in this selfsame beaker here.
18:09So far we have found no use for Bunsonium.
18:13We already know that it does not remove paint,
18:15it isn't a good glue,
18:16and when used as a shampoo,
18:18it produces unusual side effects.
18:21Right, Beaker?
18:26So today we begin an experiment
18:28to see what Bunsonium does
18:30when taken internally.
18:33My assistant Beaker here
18:35will now drink the Bunsonium.
18:38Oh, that's all right.
18:39There, there, Beaker.
18:40Just take a teensy little sip at first
18:42and remember not to get carried away
18:44and gulp the whole thing.
18:46Go ahead.
18:48It's all right.
18:49Go on.
18:55Good.
18:56And now in just a few moments
18:58we shall know exactly what Bunsonium does.
19:13Oh, so that's what Bunsonium does.
19:18Come, Beaker.
19:19Let's go find a bicycle pump
19:21and pump you back up.
19:25Well, it's introduction time,
19:27so here he is,
19:28my own cute little nephew Robin,
19:30singing I'm Five.
19:39I'm five, I'm five
19:41I'm a big fog now, I'm five
19:43I can dress myself
19:44I don't need mom to help me anymore
19:47And when I sit in my father's chair
19:49My feet can reach the floor
19:51Almost, I'm five, I'm five
19:53I'm a big fog now, I'm five
19:55My mother doesn't spank me
19:57Just for going without a hat
19:59She knows darn well I'd run away
20:02Cause I'm too old for that
20:04What does she think, I'm three?
20:06Huh, not me
20:08What does she think, I'm four?
20:10I'm more than four
20:12I'm even more than four and a half
20:16I'm five
20:29Now for my next number
20:31Away out here, they've got a name
20:34For wind and rain and fire
20:38Here's a Muppet Newsflash
20:41Dateline the Muppet Show
20:43It has been reported just moments ago
20:45That a large heavy object was dropped from the ceiling
20:48Further developments will...
20:53Okay, now let's go down home
20:55For a little singing, a little banjo picking
20:57And a little apple jack with the lovely Miss Bernadette Peters
21:09He lived by the apple orchard
21:11In a little old orchard shack
21:13His name was Jackson Taylor
21:15But folks called him Apple Jack
21:18And Apple Jack was loved by everyone he ever knew
21:22Apple Jack picked apples
21:24But he picked a banjo too
21:26Play a song for me
21:28Apple Jack, Apple Jack
21:30Play a song for me
21:32And I'll sing
21:34Play a song for me
21:36Apple Jack, Apple Jack
21:38Play a song and your banjo ring
21:58That was when I was just a kid
22:00Now that I am grown
22:02Oh, I have old memories
22:04Oh, Apple Jack is gone
22:07But he left me his banjo
22:09And it always takes me back
22:11Every time I say it
22:13I still hear Apple Jack
22:15Play a song for me
22:17Apple Jack, Apple Jack
22:19Play a song for me
22:21And I'll sing
22:23Play a song for me
22:25Apple Jack, Apple Jack
22:27Play a song with your banjo ring
22:31Play a song for me
22:33Apple Jack, Apple Jack
22:35Play a song with your banjo ring
23:03Mr. Big, Robin McFarland
23:06Gee, Bernadette, thanks a lot
23:09Hey, I really had a great time
23:11Whoa!
23:13Hey, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show
23:16Okay?
23:22Stick Stickley here
23:23Your humble host of Nick in the Afternoon
23:25You know, Stick with Nick
23:27Anywho, tomorrow you can find out about my brand new
23:30You Are Here sweepstakes
23:32But you can only find out how to enter
23:34During Nick in the Afternoon
23:35That's weekdays at 3, 2 central
23:37Right here on Nickelodeon
23:39Now stay tuned for The Partridge Family
23:41Next on Nick at Night
23:53Seriously, what'd you think of Miss Mousy?
23:55I loved her
23:56Me too
23:57What?
23:58No, we didn't
23:59Thank you
24:02Thank you
24:03Thank you
24:32Thank you
24:33Thank you
24:34Thank you
24:35Thank you
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25:21Thank you
25:22Thank you
25:23Thank you
25:24Thank you
25:25Thank you
25:26Thank you
25:27Thank you
25:28Thank you
25:29Thank you
25:30Welcome back to the Muppet Show
25:31With our special guest star
25:32Mr. Elton John
25:33It's time to play the music
25:34It's time to light the light
25:35It's time to meet the Muppets
25:36On the Muppet Show tonight
25:37It's time to put on make up
25:38It's time to dress up right
25:39It's time to sing the song
25:40It's time to dance the song
25:41It's time to dance the song
25:42It's time to dance the song
25:43It's time to dance the song
25:44It's time to dance the song
25:45It's time to dance the song
25:46It's time to dance the song
25:47It's time to dance the song
25:48It's time to dance the song
25:49It's time to dance the song
25:50It's time to dance the song
25:51It's time to dance the song
25:52It's time to dance the song
25:53It's time to dance the song
25:54It's time to dance the song
25:55It's time to dance the song
25:56It's time to dance the song
25:57It's time to dance the song
25:58It's time to dance the song
25:59It's time to dance the song
26:00It's time to dance the song
26:01It's time to dance the song
26:02It's time to dance the song
26:03It's time to dance the song
26:04It's time to dance the song
26:05It's time to dance the song
26:06It's time to dance the song
26:07It's time to dance the song
26:08It's time to dance the song
26:09It's time to dance the song
26:10It's time to dance the song
26:11It's time to dance the song
26:12It's time to dance the song
26:13It's time to dance the song
26:14It's time to dance the song
26:15It's time to dance the song
26:16It's time to dance the song
26:17It's time to dance the song
26:18It's time to dance the song
26:19It's time to dance the song
26:20It's time to dance the song
26:21It's time to dance the song
26:22It's time to dance the song
26:23It's time to dance the song
26:24It's time to dance the song
26:25It's time to dance the song
26:26It's time to dance the song
26:27It's time to dance the song
26:28It's time to dance the song
26:29It's time to dance the song
26:30It's time to dance the song
26:31It's time to dance the song
26:32It's time to dance the song
26:33It's time to dance the song
26:34It's time to dance the song
26:35It's time to dance the song
26:36It's time to dance the song
26:37It's time to dance the song
26:38It's time to dance the song
26:39It's time to dance the song
26:40It's time to dance the song
26:41It's time to dance the song
26:42It's time to dance the song
26:43It's time to dance the song
26:44It's time to dance the song
26:45It's time to dance the song
26:46It's time to dance the song
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26:48It's time to dance the song
26:49It's time to dance the song
26:50It's time to dance the song
26:51It's time to dance the song
26:52It's time to dance the song
26:53It's time to dance the song
26:54It's time to dance the song
26:55It's time to dance the song
26:56It's time to dance the song
26:57It's time to dance the song
26:58It's time to dance the song
26:59It's time to dance the song
27:00It's time to dance the song
27:01It's time to dance the song
27:02It's time to dance the song
27:03It's time to dance the song
27:04It's time to dance the song
27:05It's time to dance the song
27:07It's time to dance the song
27:08It's time to dance the song
27:09It's time to dance the song
27:10It's time to dance the song
27:11It's time to dance the song
27:12It's time to dance the song
27:13It's time to dance the song
27:14It's time to dance the song
27:15It's time to dance the song
27:16It's time to dance the song
27:17It's time to dance the song
27:18It's time to dance the song
27:19It's time to dance the song
27:20It's time to dance the song
27:21It's time to dance the song
27:22It's time to dance the song
27:23It's time to dance the song
27:24It's time to dance the song
27:25It's time to dance the song
27:26It's time to dance the song
27:27It's time to dance the song
27:28It's time to dance the song
27:29It's time to dance the song
27:30It's time to dance the song
27:31I never knew me a better time
27:32And I guess I never will
27:33Oh, Lonely Mama, those Friday nights
27:34When Susie wore her dresses tight
27:35And Crocodile Rockin' was out of sight
27:36Yeah
27:37Yeah
27:38Yeah
27:39Yeah
27:40Yeah
27:41Yeah
27:42Yeah
27:43Yeah
27:44Yeah
27:45Yeah
27:46Yeah
27:47Yeah
27:48Yeah
27:49Yeah
27:50Yeah
27:51Yeah
27:52Yeah
27:53Yeah
27:54Yeah
27:55Yeah
27:56Yeah
27:57Yeah
27:58Yeah
27:59Yeah
28:00No, he didn't
28:01Yeah
28:02No
28:03No
28:04No
28:05No
28:06No
28:07No
28:08No
28:09No
28:10Yeah
28:11Yeah
28:12She died
28:13On a Friday
28:14Yeah
28:15LAUGHTER
28:16A sigh
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18...
28:19But the years went by
28:20And rock降n died
28:21Susie went and
28:22Left me for some
28:23foreign
28:24guy
28:25Long
28:26Nights
28:27Cryin'
28:28By the
28:29Running up to the crocodile rock
28:32Running fast as the weeks went past
28:35We really thought the crocodile rock
28:38Would last a while
28:40Crocodile rock, it's soft as chalk
28:42And when you pee, you just can't keep still
28:46I never knew me a better time
28:49And I guess I never will
28:53Oh, lordy mama, those Friday nights
28:56When Susie wore her dresses tight
28:59And the crocodile rock was out of sight
29:06La la la la la
29:12La la la la la
29:15La la la la la
29:20La la la la la
29:25La la la la la
29:29La la la la la
29:32La la la la la
29:35La la la la la
29:44See you later, alligator!
29:49Okay, hey, listen, guys, how many times have I told you
29:52Never eat the guest star at the beginning of the show
29:55Oh, Miss Piggy, is Elton John okay?
29:58Okay? He's fantastic
30:01Terrific
30:02Uh, Scooter? Scooter?
30:04Oh, oh, Chef, hey, you're on next
30:06You be warned, there's deer
30:08And you're going to fall
30:09You're going to lose
30:10I know
30:11You're going to lose
30:12I know
30:14I don't know
30:16Scooter? Scooter?
30:18Yes, Chief?
30:19Uh, Scooter, what are you doing with this piano?
30:21Oh, I found this song for Elton John
30:23He's just gotta hear it
30:25He don't gotta hear it
30:26Gee, my uncle who owns this theater wanted him to hear it
30:29Uh, where do you want the piano?
30:31Upstairs in Elton John's dressing room
30:33Yeah, got it
30:39Engers go, goodies goodies
30:42Kiddies ba do
30:44Ye bars care door care
30:46Burp, burp, burp
30:48It's very hard to build a chicken cookie.
30:53Chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, woo.
30:56It's very hard to egg dish it. Egg dish it.
31:00It's very difficult. It's very difficult.
31:09It's very difficult.
31:11You see? It's very difficult.
31:14It's very difficult.
31:17You see, there is one good.
31:22It's for the egg, the ping pong ball.
31:24It's for the mega ball.
31:26It's for the egg.
31:39It's good. It's good.
31:41It's very good, you know.
31:43It's good. It's very good.
31:46It's good. It's very good.
31:48Ping pong ball.
31:50It's very, very good.
31:52It's good. It's for the egg dish it.
31:54It's for the chickie. Chickie dish it.
31:57It's very good.
32:16It's very good.
32:21Hey, let's sneak out and have a pizza.
32:26Kermit, I know you like to make your guests feel at home on the show,
32:29but don't you think a piano in the dressing room is overdoing it a little?
32:32Oh, well, you see, I've been meaning to talk to you about this piano.
32:35You see, we've got a gopher around here.
32:38We've had frogs, chickens, now a gopher.
32:41Oh, yeah, well, you see, that's an old theatrical term.
32:43And a gopher is somebody you have around to gopher coffee.
32:46Isn't that interesting?
32:47No.
32:49You see, this gopher of ours, well, he's found a song he wants you to do on the show.
32:54Oh, Kermit, I thought you were more professional than that.
32:58Oh, I'm sorry, Elton, but the kid has taste, he's got talent,
33:01and he's got an uncle who owns the theater.
33:03Please, oh, please.
33:04Okay, okay, let's hear it.
33:06Okay, Scooter, come on in and get it over with.
33:08Okay.
33:10Come on, sit down.
33:11Make yourself comfortable.
33:12You'll love it.
33:13Ready?
33:14One, two, three, four.
33:16La, la, la, la, la.
33:20La, la, la, la, la.
33:23La, la, la, la, la.
33:26La, la, la, la, la.
33:28Hold it.
33:29Stop.
33:30Hold it.
33:31Hold it.
33:32Hold it, Scooter.
33:33I told you that Elton wouldn't like that song.
33:34That song is a tasteless.
33:35That song has no melody.
33:36Isn't that the worst song you've ever heard, Elton?
33:39Well, I didn't think so when I wrote it.
33:43You wrote that song?
33:44Yep.
33:45Oh, it's a rather interesting song.
33:48It's got a nice little melody.
33:55You really hated it, huh?
33:56Well, yeah.
33:58Well, it can sound different.
34:00It can?
34:01Yeah.
34:02Let me show you.
34:03Let's hear it.
34:10Oh, can't be wrong to have you cheatin' me out
34:14Oh, but you're so spaced out
34:17Bendy and the Chess
34:21Oh, but you're weird and wonderful
34:24Oh, but then she's really keen
34:27She's got electric boots
34:30A mohawk suit
34:31You know I read it in a magazine
34:34Oh, oh
34:38Bendy and the Chess
34:42Bendy
34:43Bendy
34:44Bendy
34:45Bendy
34:46Bendy
34:47Bendy
34:48Bendy and the Chess
34:56Bendy
34:57Bendy, Bendy, Bendy
34:58Bendy, Bendy, Bendy
35:00Bendy
35:01Bendy
35:02Bendy, Bendy and the Chess
35:09Oh
35:14Time once again for Veterinarians Hospital
35:17The continuing story of a quack who has gone to the dog
35:25Here's the next patient, Dr. Bob
35:29It's a dog
35:30I hope he doesn't have fleas
35:32Why not?
35:33I hate to start from scratch
35:35what kind of dog is he dr. Bob ask him what time it is why he might be a watch
35:40dog of course he could be a guard dog you know I know a woman who was once
35:46attacked by her own guard dog no Doberman bitter hey where did you find
35:54him at the lost and hound department I wish he was a dachshund why I'd like to
36:01get a long little doggy no and so once again dr. Bob has taken the bulldog by
36:08the horn tune in next week when you'll hear nurse Piggy say dr. Bob I think the
36:13patient is running a fever oh we'll go get some mustard mustard that's what you
36:17always put on a hot dog
36:21just a week or two ago my poor old uncle bill went and kicked the bucket and he
36:34left me in his will the other day I popped around to see poor Eddie Jane she
36:39said your uncle bill has left to you a watch and chain I put it on right across
36:44my vest thought I'd look a dandy as it dangled on my chest just to flash it off
36:49I started walking round about a lot of kitties followed me and all begin to
36:54shout like this
36:58any old iron any any any old iron you look neat talk about a treat you look
37:03dapper from your dressing style brand-new tiling your father's old green
37:07tie-on but I wouldn't give you tough it's for your old watch chain old iron
37:10old iron
37:15shan't forget when I got married to Selena Brown the way the people laughed
37:20at me made me feel a clown I began to wonder when their dials began to crack
37:26if by mistake I got my Sunday trousers front the back I wore my chain on my
37:32derby cow the Sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell the organ
37:37started playing and the bells began to ring my chain began to rattle so the
37:42choir began to say here we go everybody
38:13Oh
38:26ladies and gentlemen
38:31anyway Kermit's allowed me to do an introduction to our guest star tonight
38:35but I promise not to get carried away so I'll be very understated here he is the
38:40greatest talent in the history of the universe
39:00gonna come down when I go into that
39:07that's
39:14you know you can't
39:18didn't sign up
39:23for your friends to his voice too young to be
39:37Oh
39:44well the dogs are society how you can't
40:01back
40:08Oh
40:30like me to be found
40:35you ain't got a pen
40:56well the dogs are society
41:05Oh
41:13Oh
41:35Oh
41:49and now pigs in space
41:56starring the intangible link hog crowd the redoubtable miss Piggy and the
42:06sanctimonious dr. strange boy as we left the swine track last time the crew had
42:13just been overcome with a fearful attack of boredom
42:25eternal space a pig could go mad we only blasted off 20 minutes ago that long
42:34at least we could have brought a TV set I'm missing all my favorite bowling
42:39shows you and your bowling shows he cries at the sad parts
42:48Oh
42:51Oh the red light means stop the green light means go the yellow light no no
42:56not traffic lights yet twitch that light on the console Oh that light that means
43:04we've been invaded by alien beings
43:10Oh
43:15creatures of some sort are roaming the ship Oh Oh help but do something this
43:20piggy if you're like snakes I'll scream
43:27there are two creatures to two snakes
43:34please yes here's the readout one is very frightened and has feathers the
43:40other speak some sort of strange
44:04Oh
44:08well they're gone somehow I miss them Oh the endless sameness of eternal space
44:22hmm tune in next week and be bored again by
44:31space
44:45Kermit about this Elton John yeah I have seen some pretty weird guests on
44:52this show but this Elton John borders on the revolutionary
44:57Sam Elton John is a very important musician then why does he dress like a
45:01stolen car musicians have always been fancy dressers Mozart wasn't Mozart wore
45:10high heels and wigs and silk stockings
45:16it's true Sam hope if Mozart wore high heels wigs and stockings I'll eat my
45:22hat and give Elton John a big introduction that too hey guys look at
45:28this great picture of Mozart Elton John heels and silk stockings what Sam you
45:36know you'd look great in a powdered wig good grief I've been horned swagger
45:52do I have to do this yeah let's see I am proud to introduce one of the great
46:06names in popular music one of my all-time favorites Elton John
46:23wonderful lady that I've always wanted to work with and sing with so you please
46:29give a great reception to the fantastic Miss Piggy
46:40it seems like an eternity
46:45don't go breaking my heart
46:50I told him if I tried
46:54a heart if I get restless
46:57baby you're not that kind
47:03don't go breaking my heart
47:06you take the weight off me
47:10a heart when I knocked on your door
47:14I gave you my key
47:21nobody knows it
47:26when I was down
47:28I was your clown
47:32nobody knows it
47:37right from the start
47:39I gave you my heart
47:41oh
47:43I gave you my heart
47:49don't go breaking my heart
47:52I hope you're breaking your heart
47:58don't go breaking my heart
48:01eat your heart out kitty
48:05nobody knows it
48:10when I was down
48:12I was your clown
48:17nobody knows it
48:21right from the start
48:23I gave you my heart
48:25oh
48:27Elton, I gave you my heart
48:31Elton, I gave you my heart
48:37don't go breaking my heart Miss Piggy
48:40I hope you're breaking your heart
48:42don't go breaking my
48:44don't go breaking my
48:46don't go breaking my heart
48:48don't go breaking my
48:49darling
48:50don't go breaking my
48:51lover
48:52don't go breaking my heart
49:02hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
49:07we look like members of the rock gang
49:10no, we look more like members of the stone age
49:17well, that's about all the time we have
49:21boy, are we going to have some wardrobe bills
49:24but we're going to save on the light bill
49:27that's true
49:28that's true
49:29hey, but once again, let's bring out our special guest star
49:31and the man who caused all this
49:33Mr. Elton John
49:41boy, Elton, you look weird
49:44well, you guys are all dressed like stolen cars
49:49hey, we'll see you next time on the Muppet Show
49:58Elton John
50:28well, what did you think?
50:30there's four airports, four airports, four airports
50:33I hate running gags